- Have you been looking to buy your own charming English village? If so, may I present the village of Linkenholt, tucked quaintly in the hills of Hampshire. This quintessential English village, complete with grand Edwardian manor house, cricket pavilion and grounds, blacksmith's forge, rectory, shooting grounds, 22 houses and grade 2 listed cottages, is on the market for a mere $33 million. For that bargain price, current owner Herbert Blagrave, an English cricketer, will sell you the town and you’ll also get the 50 resident of Linkenholt. However, the town church is not included in the sale, so if that’s a deal-breaker for you, you’ll need to look elsewhere. Technically, Blagrave’s trust owns the village and the trust says though it wants to free up the capital tied up in the estate so it can give more to charity on an annual basis. The realtor shopping the village touts it as not only a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, but also a solid investment. “Big time investors will look upon it as a safe haven to place their money because in five years you're going to see a great deal of appreciation here, so this is perfect," the company promises. Not only that, the new owner could also take away a significant income from the rent of the houses. So far, there have been interested parties both loically and internationally, although the villages’ trustees hope that even if an outsider buys their town,
“ the new owner will continue to run it in the same manner" as it has been for the past 200 years. To that end, provisions have been made by the trust to ensure the houses are not sold off in the near future, with only the manor house to be vacant for the new owner. Some villagers have definite opinions on who their new landlord should be. Village thatcher Paul Raynsford declared, "I'd sooner not see a banker or someone who's going to asset strip it. I'd like to see a film star, pop star, footballer, someone who just wants to buy it so they can say 'I'm the lord of the manor.'" Interesting…..you want a vapid, rich, famous person who has no interest in actually having anything to do with your village be the one to buy it. I’d consider making the purchase myself, but I have my eye on a slightly larger village, say 100-200 people at least. Best of success to you, though, people of Linkenholt, in finding someone to buy your town. Let me know how it turns out for you…..
- I have a new hero and his name is Mike Lynch, a Bellevue, Wash. resident who tried to pay a traffic ticket from Portland, Ore. by sending a plastic bag filled with $206 worth of urine-soaked coins to a county billing office. After being stopped and cited for speeding in a construction zone, Lynch clearly wasn’t happy with the elevated fine due to the infraction occurring in a construction zone. Thus, he decided on a two-pronged rebuttal for the offense; first, collecting enough coins to use for the fine and second, giving those coins a nice golden shower. He wrapped the package nice and tight and sent the money to Portland, but because he did such a good job wrapping it no one knew what was inside until it was opened. The package didn’t smell and until county employees opened it, they had no idea what was coming. Unfortunately, there is a county policy of only accepting up to $20 in change, so court workers returned the money to Lynch. What’s great about this, in spite of the return-to-sender ending, is that Lynch is in no trouble for mailing urine-soaked coins to pay his ticket. Postal officials said it is legal to mail urine or other bodily fluids as long as they are packaged properly in a way that doesn't leak or smell. Honestly….the one thing that pisses me off is that I didn’t come up with this idea first. Well done, Mike Lynch. Thankfully, not everyone is as clueless as Sgt. Phil Anderchuk of the Multnomah County Sheriff's Office, who just can't figure out why anyone would commit such an awesome act. “That's something I can't wrap my mind around," said. "The thought process of acting consciously -- consummating the act of urinating in a box full of coins that someone is going to receive.” Allow me to help you out, sergeant. Cops are smug, condescending a-holes with unjustified superiority complexes who ruin people’s days and lives by handing out traffic citations. When people get these citations, they’re pissed and while most of us wouldn’t do something like what Mike Lynch did, most of us have thought about it. It doesn’t even matter if I agree with Lynch’s contention that “doubling a fine because the infraction occurred in a 'work zone' where no one was working is unfair, at best.” All that matters is that I LOVE his idea of sending his payment in urine-soaked coins as a political statement "to the unfairness of the situation." Even if his payment wasn’t accepted because of a technicality, the spirit of what he did is everything that makes America great and I salute him for it……
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Are those the sounds of an open challenge I hear emanating from the London police? As the po-po’s in London prepare for their city’s hosting of G-20 summit next week, they claim to be planning one of the largest and most complex operations in their history. London's three police forces are being brought under a single umbrella for the G-20 security plan, dubbed Operation Glencoe, said Cmdr. Simon O'Brien of London's Metropolitan Police. The LMP will be assisted by police forces from surrounding counties like Essex and Sussex in protecting the summit venue, delegates, their hotels, their official engagements, as well as monitoring protests around the capital. With some 10,500 police shifts being scheduled between March 24 and April 2, O’Brien feels pretty confident that all protests and would-be riots will be kept in check. We will not tolerate any people breaking the law, attacking buildings, people, or our officers," he said. Riiight. Like I said at the start, that’s an open freaking challenge to rioters and social dissidents everywhere, because I think we all know how much sheer joy and exuberance comes from the very activities you’re looking to shut down. You may be spending $10.4 million on security, but don’t think for one second you can break the spirit of protest the courses so strongly through the veins of riot lovers ‘round the world. When you bring together heads of state and financial leaders from the top 20 industrialized and emerging economies and leaders from non-G-20 nations as well, you can bet that there will be no shortage of groups looking to make their voice heard. Tomorrow, the first big protest of the weekend is scheduled. Police expect some 20,000 people to turn out for the "Put People First" march, which will start at Victoria Station, wind through Trafalgar Square, and end in a demonstration at Hyde Park. Approximately 120 groups will be represented in this particular march, which is expected to take place even if the heavy rain that is predicted for Saturday comes through town. I have to say, I like the dubbing of the summit "Financial Fools Day," what with the event taking place on April 2, one day after April Fool’s Day. On April 1, there are multiple smaller demonstrations scheduled in central London. I know this goes without saying, but I am rooting for each and every protestor who takes to the streets during these next few days. All of you are a part of something amazing, no matter how big or small your protest is. Whether the rumors about plans to storm important buildings like the Bank of England are true or not, I know you all will come up with something truly memorable. And if at any point you feel your energy and enthusiasm for your protest waning, remember the arrogant, defiant words of Cmdr. Simon O'Brien of London's Metropolitan Police and use them as motivation to kick it up a notch and get violent and confrontational……
- America, I am once again incredibly, incredibly ashamed of you. Looking at the television ratings from Wednesday night, I’m equally saddened, horrified and angered. To understand why, look no further than the 8 p.m. time slot, where American Karaoke averaged 25.6 million total viewers over its two-hour run, up 19 percent from last week's (Tuesday) sing-off and a 3 percent increase from the comparable night a year ago. Yes, 25.6 million of you turned into an overrated, musically poisonous karaoke show featuring a tip-frosting, man-blouse-wearing host and a dozen wannabe karaoke stars singing horribly butchered versions of songs that weren’t that good to begin with. The closest competition for AK was a Survivor clip show that placed a distant second with 8.15 million. I did get a slight confidence boost from the ratings for ABC’s new, terrible and destined-to-be-canceled-soon comedy Better Off Ted, which garnered a mere 4.7 million viewers, down 16 percent from the previous week. It shows that you all are capable of learning and recognizing a terrible, lame-ass comedy when you see one. Another show having a bad night was America’s Next Top Runway Bimbo, er, Top Model which saw its ratings plunge 21 percent and landed just 2.85 million viewers. Oh, and possibly even more horrifying and maddening than AK drawing in so many idiots/viewers was Lost losing another 260 thousand viewers to set a new low of 8.82 million. I realize that this hasn’t been the show’s best season and it’s been a little erratic, but Lost should not be bringing in one-third of the viewers that the biggest joke of a reality show/blight on the must world brings in, ever………
- While most of the United States couldn’t be more indifferent to hockey, one man in Columbus, Ohio clearly is trying to overcompensate for that lack of interest all by himself. Peter Stenzel not only buys the merchandise for, watches the games of and avidly follows his favorite team, the Calgary Flames, but he also makes threatening phone calls to opposing teams during games aginst Calgary. When his beloved Flames rolled into his hometown for an important game that could turn out to be a preview of a first-round playoff series come May, my main man Pete saw a chance to show his passion for his team. While the game was going on, he made physical threats against the Columbus Blue Jackets in a series of phone calls to the team's arena. Maybe it was the way the game went that inspired Stenzel’s meltdown, as the Blue Jackets defeated the Flames 5-0. Unfortunately for Stenzel, he’s not only a tad too enthusiastic about hockey, he’s also a moron and he failed to realize that it would take the police all of two minutes to trace the threatening calls. They did so, with the trail leading right to Stenzel’s door. Officers showed up to Stenzel's Columbus home, where they found him wearing a Flames T-shirt. He was arrested and charged with inducing panic for threatening physical harm against the Blue Jackets, then spent the night at the Franklin County Jail pending a Saturday court hearing. Police would not say if specific players were targeted or what the threats entailed, so we don’t know exactly what sort of brilliant rhetoric Stenzel was spilling, but maybe the true fun here lies in trying to imagine….your call. What I’m definitely rooting for now is that first-round matchup in the NHL playoffs between Calgary and Columbus, because you know there’s no way Stenzel stays in his shoes and doesn’t go full-out moron by Game 3 of that series. Good times…….
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