- The Dallas Cowboys are always good for plenty of fireworks on and off the field during the season, so why should they be any different after flaming out and missing the playoffs, sending them prematurely into the offseason? Already, rampant speculation about the fate of inept head coach Wade Phillips prompted a near meltdown from hot-headed and plastic surgery-loving owner Jerry Jones, but Cowboys linebacker Bradie James may have set the new gold standard for meltdowns on a Cowboys team with no shortage of egotistical blowhards and dudes with short fuses. As the Cowboys came in to the team’s Valley Ranch training complex to clear out their lockers and have their exit meetings with coaches, they were met by an angry fan who was standing outside the driveway into team headquarters wearing a sandwich board that read "Our team has no heart" on the front, and "Wade is an embarrassment to the star" on the back. Is it something I would do? No. Is it a total waste of time and a pointless exercise that only a deluded, low-IQ local sports talk radio devotee would engage in? Yes. That being said, if some tool wants to strap a sandwich board on and stand outside his favorite NFL team’s training complex, he has the right to do so. As long as he’s not verbally or physically provoking anyone, he’s well within his rights as a fan and as a loser. Bradie James definitely didn’t see it that way, though, and so he confronted the fan, tore the sign off of him and broke dude’s sunglasses in the process. The one positive about James’ boneheaded act was that he almost immediately realized how out of line he was, heading straight to his locker, retrieving a pair of expensive shades he'd been given and going back to the fan to apologize, shake his hand give him the upgraded sunglasses. Police showed up but left without charging or arresting anyone. Here is James’ account of the incident: "He was like, 'Why you guys didn't have that fire last night!' You should've showed that much heart last night!' So the next thing you know I'm just ripping that sign off of him," James said. "So I went and gift-wrapped some Oakleys, and he got something out of the deal. I told him, 'I share your frustrations. But where we differ is I wouldn't go to anybody's job, especially not up here with 300-pound guys, trying to tell them what they didn't do right." Yeah, but you’re not paying a lot of money to watch those people do their job, Bradie, like they pay their hard-earned money to watch you play football. Professional sports are a different animal and you need to realize that and learn to live with it. However, thanks for perpetuating the Cowboys’ reputation as the biggest soap opera in sports and giving us something else to rip the team for……
- It’s not a good thing when I’m shocked and relieved that the American judicial system actually worked as intended and sent a revolting, repulsive scumbag to jail for a crime he committed, right? Because I was more than a little worried that cult leader Wayne Bent was going to somehow get off (poor choice of words, I suppose) even though he admitted to the specific acts he was being charged with. In case you forgot, Brent
was charged with two counts of criminal sexual contact of a minor and two counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Basically, dude admitted lying naked with two underage girls from his cult back in 2006 but said any touching was an act of religious healing with no sexual overtones. Mmm hmm, sure. Just because you find a way to “incorporate” sexual assault and statutory rape into your “religion” doesn’t make it okay, Bent. Dudes old enough to have seen the tail end of World War II should not be naked in bed with those not old enough to have seen the first episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air for any reason - period. The jury didn’t buy Bent’s explanation either, convicting him on of one of two counts of criminal sexual contact of a minor and two counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. He has been sentenced to 18 years in prison, although eight years of Bent's sentence were suspended, making the effective sentence 10 years unless the suspension is revoked. Now that the sentence is in place, though, I’m wondering if the court can retroactively double or triple it based on insane, self-aggrandizing comments Bent made in an online posting prior to sentencing. After all, when some whack-job cult leader likens himself to Jesus Christ, shouldn’t someone be allowed to up his punishment for blasphemy alone? Dude did claim in an online posting that the courts have again crucified the son of God. How? By sending a sexual deviant and child molester with a savior complex to jail for a crime he committed? As I’ve said before, you can found a cult and try to call that turd a sirloin steak by labeling it the Lord our Righteousness Church, just don’t expect the rest of us to buy into your misinformed, off-base, criminal act. But props on writing your own personal manifesto to protest your innocence, with the aforementioned posting on your cult’s website that printed out to 17 pages. Should you be wondering exactly what Bent’s psychotic, insane rambling sounds like, here’s a sample: "Now at Christmas time 2008 ... they have crucified the son of God afresh," Bent added. "The jury was a very good picture of the world, and by convicting the son of God for a crime that he did not commit, as they did with Jesus Christ, they have convicted themselves." Convicted themselves of what? Being capable of applying the sexual assault laws of the state they live in? Of recognizing a Grade-A pervert and child molester when they see one? Let’s clear this up once and for all: YOU ARE NOT THE SON OF GOD. YOU ARE NOT RELATED TO GOD. YOU WERE BORN OF HUMAN BEINGS JUST LIKE THE REST OF US, YOU IGNORANT, DELUSIONAL TOOL. STOP TRYING TO CLAIM YOU’RE SOME DEITY IN THE FLESH, GO AWAY AND SPEND THE REST OF YOUR PATHETIC LIFE IN PRISON, YOU PIECE OF CRAP……
- Has casting for The Fast and the Furious 17: Snowbound in Vermont begun and I didn’t even know it? I realize that those movies are in more or less constant production and studios must always be looking for a fresh face to slam behind the wheel of a souped-up car to take off ramps, around hairpin turns, etc., but this is a little ridiculous. Matt Dillon really could have hurt someone, all in the name of….what’s that? He wasn’t auditioning for any movie when he was pulled over by police in Newbury, Vt. Tuesday night for driving 106 mph in a 65 mph zone? Oh. In other words, Dillon was merely being a reckless jerk when he decided to go all lead foot on his rented 2009 Chevy Impala? Well that’s not nearly as cool and is actually pretty stupid. Look, Ricky Bobby, we all like going fast and the vast majority of people in America break the speed limit on a regular basis. But for most of us, that would mean going 70-75 mph in a 65-mph zone, not 106. That type of speed isn’t cool, tough or impressive; it’s just moronic. Any little thing that causes even the slightest turn of the wheel at that speed could kill you and a lot of other people. Something tells me that the judge isn’t going to be star struck by Dillon or lenient with him when he appears at Orange County Court on Jan. 21. Going 41 mph over the speed limit not only gets you nailed for speeding, reckless operation is also a slam dunk. Looks like you won't be driving in the state of Vermont any time soon, M. Well, at least not legally…..
- If anyone at all is surprised by this next development, please raise your hand because you are the biggest moron in the world and possess an IQ of less than 15. The fact that professional golfer John Daly has reportedly been suspended by the PGA Tour for six months is literally the least stunning development ever in the world of sports, right up there with the news that teams which score more points or goals than their opponents win games. Fact is, Daly has accumulated a laundry list of misdeeds throughout his career and most of them have resulted from his never-ending battle with addiction - be it alcohol, smoking, gambling or women. This year alone, he smashed one tee shot off the top of a beer can during a pro-am returned from a rain delay at another tournament with Tampa Bay Buccaneers coach Jon Gruden as his caddie and ended up in a North Carolina drunk tank for a night after getting picked up outside of a Hooters for public intoxication. Daly himself confirmed the suspension in a recent interview, so there’s no doubt on this one. And as you might expect, the charismatic-yet-troubled JD had in interesting take on his current plight. "Is it fair that I got suspended?" he said. "It's not fair in reality, but it's probably fair in perception." JD….JD….I’ve always liked you, but my man, this suspension needs to be a final warning for you. Your life is headed for a tragic and premature crash unless you right the ship, something you have been incapable of doing up to this point. So you can complain about the PGA suspending you and having to take your game to the European tour for the next few months, but instead of pointing fingers, you need to look at this as a clear indication that your troubled ways are starting to take away the one profession you seem to be good at. The PGA isn’t commenting on Daly’s alleged suspension, keeping with its long-standing policy of not talking about disciplinary action taken against players. However, it’s widely known that this is the second time the tour has suspended Daly, along with at least two other times when he voluntarily agreed to sit out the final few months of a season so he could have time to address the train wreck that is his personal life. Oh, and it’s not like JD was out on tour, tearing it up and in a position to be hurt by a suspension. He hasn’t even played on the PGA Tour since he missed the cut Oct. 17 in Las Vegas and judging by the way he looks right now, he’s in no shape to compete. The infamous Hooters restaurant came a mere ten days after that event in Vegas, and at the time his season effectively ended, Daly had made only five cuts in 17 starts on the tour, finishing 232nd on the money list and seeing his world ranking plummeting to No. 736. Rather than go to Europe and play, maybe JD could seek help to make sure that never again does he show up for a regional television interview wearing only blue jeans -- no shirt, no shoes --or spending nights in various drunk tanks. It hurts me to say all of this because Daly is widely renowned for being a great - albeit troubled - guy. Don’t believe me? Just as CBS Sports analyst David Feherty, a recovering alcoholic himself. "He's one of the most generous and one of the kindest souls," Feherty said not long after the Hooters incident. "The stories of his generosity to the people are legendary. The only person he has ever been unkind to is himself." I guess all that’s left to say at this point is get well, JD, and I hope that if and when we see you back on the PGA Tour, it’s cleaner and more lucid than we’ve ever seen you before…..
- See what happens when you give an un-funny, loudmouth tool like Dane Cook a taste of fame and wealth, people? Not only do you ruin the lives of everyone who has ever had the misfortune of listening to even part of his “comedy” routines or watched more than .05 seconds of one of his abysmal movies, you’re also allowing that badness to seep into the lives of his friends and family. Witness the case of Darryl McCauley, Cook’s half-brother, former manager and part of Cook's Great Dane Enterprises Inc. Because you all weren’t smart enough to want nothing to do with Cook, realize that he wasn’t, isn’t and will never be funny and shut him out of the show business world, dude has made a crap load of money and thus was able to create the type of lifestyle that necessitates a production company and manager. Because of you giving Cook all of that money by attending his shows and seeing his movies, he had those millions of dollars that McCauley is now accused of stealing from him. Now, McCauley finds himself accused of diverting money to his own personal accounts from Cook's business accounts during 2007 and 2008 and facing serious jail time. Heck, investigators are alleging that McCauley forged a $3 million check to himself out of Cook's funds. You read that right, $3 million dollars in fraud, all because you, America, couldn’t ignore the menace that is Dane Cook. For the love of God, he’s been in movies like My Best Friend's Girl and in Dan in Real Life. The fact that anyone went to see either one of those makes me question their sanity and intelligence. Hopefully this tragic incident will serve as a learning experience for all of you and prevent me from having to see it repeated in the future…..
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