- It’s been a couple of years since we’ve seen Jack Bauer on TV, but you won’t believe it: dude still has issues with authority. Last night’s season premiere of 24 was both jarringly simple and complex at the same time, setting up a clear premise for Season 7 that will undoubtedly become complicated and interesting for the next few months. For starters, this season will hinge on the United States getting involved in a civil war in the African nation of Sangala, the same nation Jack was laying low in when the show’s prequel movie for this season aired. In short, the organization run oy Gen. Benjamin Juma, the man committing mass genocide in Sangala, is hatching a massive terrorist plot to blackmail the U.S. into staying out of Sangala. There’s also the side issue of new President Allison Taylor’s son Roger, whom we met in the prequel movie, now dead in an alleged suicide that his father Henry, also a member of the new administration, believes is really murder. I’m wondering, though, if anyone really bought the idea that the Senate investigating the now-defunct CTU and preparing to indict Jack for torturing suspects and other crimes committed while with CTU was going to be a big deal. Yes, the first scene of the season premiere was Sen. Blaine Meyer and his committee grilling Jack, who refused legal council and admitted that he had crossed lines in interrogating suspects. But in came FBI agent Renee Walker to interrupt the hearing and present another subpoena for Bauer. She said the Bureau needed his help immediately with a crisis, meaning Jack got a free pass out of the hearing. The crisis turned out to be Michael Latham, a brilliant computer programmer who had designed much of the firewall protecting the CIP, the government’s network controlling the operations of vital utilities and services like air traffic control, power, water, etc., being kidnapped in a mid-day ambush by a domestic terrorist group. The group was led by Tony Almeida, Jack’s old CTU buddy who Jack (and the rest of the world) presumed dead last season. Now, Tony is back and working with the terrorists who are at the beck and call of Gen. Juma’s regime. But initially Jack refuses to believe that Tony is alive. However, in sorting through evidence at the FBI field office, Jack finds data pointing him in the direction of an old weapons supplier that he and Tony used at CTU. That, combined with Agent Walker showing him a recent surveillance photograph of Tony and assuring him that DNA tests on the body in Tony’s grave proved it wasn’t really him, sent Jack and Walker to see the weapons supplier, Gabriel Shector. That got Jack out of the FBI office where he was already sparring with the higher-ups in the room. Also, he had to deal with repeated reminders from Agent Walker that he was under her authority and that his normal free-wheeling style wouldn’t be tolerated. That was fine - until Shector refused to cooperate. At that point, Walker told Jack to do whatever was necessary, which inspired Shector to crack. He was about to give up info on Tony Almeida when a sniper shot from the roof of the Columbia building across the street killed him. The FBI locked down the building to trap the shooter, which succeeded initially. However, Tony used contacts inside the FBI to sneak the shooter out of the building and back to the boat he was using as his base of operations in the nearby harbor. The boat is also where Tony forced Latham to build the module that was then used to hack the CIP firewall and seize control of two commercial flights, nearly colliding two 767’s at JFK Airport in New York. That was merely a display to show the U.S. government the power being wielded by the terrorists, whose end game is keeping American forces out of Sangala. The move comes at the same time that President Taylor is meeting with Sangala’s former prime minister and firming up plans for an official announcement of American entry into the country. Things are escalating quickly and at episode’s end, Jack capturing Tony on his boat seems to be a step forward. Unfortunately, the module that Latham helped to create is gone, along with Latham himself, in the custody of a terrorist named David Emerson. Remember too that somewhere at the top of this organization lurks Jon Voight’s character, whom we also met in the prequel movie. Now prepare for tonight’s second episode in which Jack and his FBI buddies are about to slam Tony into a tiny interrogation room and go after him…..
- Stupid humans or hostile panda, who to blame? Who to blame, who to blame? Call me crazy, but I’m putting all of the blame on the stupid humans here. The angry panda in question would be Gu Gu, a resident of the Beijing Zoo that has taken a bite out of not one, not two, but three people who have been idiotic enough to fall into his pen. Gu Gu’s most recent victim was Zhang Jiao, who fell into the panda pen Wednesday while trying to catch a small toy thrown by his young son. "My son and I were playing with a panda doll, throwing it to each other, when I dropped with the toy into the pen,” Zhang said. So what to do when a cheap, easily replaceable toy falls down into the pen of a large, potentially dangerous wild animal? You guessed it, jump right in! So Zhang scaled the barrier around the pen, which is about 5 feet tall, then dropped down the inside of the barrier, a drop of 9 to 10 feet. Sadly, it wasn’t until that point that the reality of his stupidity hit and Zhang realized that he could not climb out. That’s when the laws of nature took over and Gu Gu went on the attack. The 240-pound giant panda took a healthy bite into Zhang's left leg before moving on to the right leg. So what would you do at this point? A massive panda weighing roughly the same as your average NFL linebacker is attacking you, so you need to fight back, right? You or I, probably. A tool like Zhang, no. "The panda is a national treasure, and I love and respect [him], so I didn't fight back," Zhang said. "The panda didn't let go until it chewed up my leg and its mouth was dripping with my blood." Feel free to fight back in that case, a-hole. I know China is a very different society and culture than Western nations, but you punching the panda in the head in order to save yourself from a mauling would hardly make you Public Enemy No. 1. Actually, I take more offense to you being moronic enough to get into the pen in the first place than I would anything you did once inside. Fortunately for Zheng, zookeepers were able to help him out before it was too late, using tools to pry open Gu Gu's jaws. But wait, there’s even more evidence of what an ass hat Zheng is! Yes, dude says he never imagined a panda could be so vicious. “I always thought they were cute and just ate bamboo," Zhang said. Hey knob, any wild animal can be dangerous when it feels threatened, no matter how cute and cuddly it looks. Mix in a little Animal Planet or hit up Wikipedia and type in “panda” some time, bro. Then you won't suffer wounds that your doctor termed severe, including the damage to the muscle and ligaments in your left leg. The only justice here is that there's a possibility Zhang may face charges for entering the panda pen. Good. I don’t know that there is any country in the world where being an IQ-deprived moron is basis for criminal charges, so in lieu of what, whatever charges authorities can slap this tool with are totally justified………
- Good for you, Rod Marinelli. After guiding the 2008 Detroit Lions to my dream of an 0-16 NFL season and losing his job because of it, Marinelli has my lifelong support and admiration. I am willing to stand up and publicly proclaim that any time my main man R. Marinelli needs anything - a hot meal, a place to crash for the night, a ride to or from anywhere, a character reference - I’m here for him. You play any part in a dream season, especially a vital one like being the head coach, you’re a hero in my book. So I was thrilled to hear that Marinelli agreed Saturday to be the assistant head coach and defensive line coach of the Chicago Bears. He had been very popular on the interview circuit since being fired by the Lions, who clearly did not respect or appreciate his considerable contribution to a legendary season. He had offers from the Bears, Texans and Seahawks. He actually had several teams interested in him as a defensive coordinator, but oddly enough, Marinelli wanted to only coach along the line, which is his specialty. As such, the Bears were a logical choice because he can stay in a division he knows well and join the staff of one of his best friends in the business, Bears coach Lovie Smith. The two worked together in Tampa Bay, so they should be a solid tandem once again in the Windy City. In making his choice, Marinelli first eliminated the Seahawks from consideration and then picked the Bears over the Texans Saturday. Glad to see it, Rod, I wish you nothing but success in Chicago and I (and millions of others) will never forget what you did for us with the Lions this season……..
- A least on legislative district in this country can be proud of its representative on Congress for the next few years. That would be the district represented by Rep. Jason Chaffetz, R-Utah, a newly elected member of the House who decided that instead of renting an apartment in Washington, he would sleep on a cot in his office every night. "I will save $1,500 a month doing this," Chaffetz said. "I get paid a very handsome salary, no doubt about it, but you know, I've got expenses and a future for my kids and my family, too.” So where is Chaffetz spending his nights? Well, when the few freshmen members of Congress drew numbers for their office assignment lottery, Chaffetz drew number six out of 55. That secured him an office with a window in the Longworth House Building. The office also comes with a half-bathroom, a closet that fits a cot, and what he calls his "breakfast nook" where he stores Fig Newtons, granola bars and mixed nuts. You might be asking where he showers and works out. Well, the building also has a gym with a shower room, where Chaffetz starts his day about 5:45 each morning. He seems pretty jazzed about the decision so far, pointing out that living in his office eliminates travel time, allowing Chaffetz more time to serve his constituents and return more of their e-mail and phone calls. You might think that for a freshman congressman looking to support a family of four back in Utah, saving money would be a big motivator for this move. But while Chaffetz admits the financial side of the deal has been beneficial, he believes that the decision to crash in his office has a more significant meaning. "We are now $10 trillion in debt. $10 trillion. Those are expenses that have to be paid at some point," he said. "Our country has to learn to do more with less.” So far, the biggest challenge, according to Chaffetz, has been getting used to sleeping on his not-so-comfortable cot with a noisy cleaning machine rumbling down the hall during the night. “There's this cleaning machine that comes down the hall at night. And it's got that obnoxious beep, beep, beep,” Chaffetz said. That’ll happen when you’re sleeping in an office building where someone has to clean some time. But while this isn’t a massive gesture and hardship that will change the plummeting financial and political fortunes of this country, it’s at least nice to see one man doing something out of the ordinary in the me-first, life-of-excess lifestyle that members of Congress seem so fond of……
- It’s always interesting to me seeing some of the bizarre, seemingly minor things that have the capacity to cause ginormous traffic jams and leave hundreds of angry motorists stranded for miles on the expressway, fuming at a delay whose cause they have no knowledge of. Could be an accident up ahead, could be construction on an overpass, could be bad weather, could be a spill of some sort of odoriferous food product from an overturned 18-wheeler…..or it could be a wandering dog. Yes, that was the case last week on Interstate 17 southbound near Bethany Home (in the Phoenix area), where a meandering black Labrador brought southbound to a standstill during the early morning. The dog was running in and out of traffic just after 6 a.m., clearly unsure whether to use the carpool lane or not and in no particular hurry to get wherever it was going. The Department of Public Safety stepped in to help the pooch, stopping traffic so that they could corral the dog and get it out of harm's way. Unfortunately, in order to keep the dog in one place, they had to go with a Taser blast. As the officers were hitting the dog with that Taser shot, I believe the dog barked the canine equivalent of, “Don’t Tase me, bro! Don’t Tase me!” The end result was the dog being corralled and placed inside a police car, with the freeway opened a short time later. Maricopa County Animal Care and Control came to the scene and picked up the 5-year-old black Lab. which a spokesperson for the agency says appears to be in excellent health. Now, the dog dubbed “Taser" is being held for a three-day health evaluation, after which it will be determined if he can be adopted. Something tells me that the agency won't have a hard time finding someone to take the dog in that case…….
No comments:
Post a Comment