Monday, August 15, 2016

The Great Tamale War, Jon Jones free to find the real PED culprits and Adele won't be Super


- British songstress Adele won't be saying hello from this side, the other side or any side at all when it comes to center stage at one of the biggest sporting events in the world. The talented vocalist broke the news that she has turned down an offer to perform at next year's Super Bowl after a week of rumors that she was in discussions to headline the halftime show at the NFL’s biggest event. On one hand, Adele performing at the Super Bowl made total sense because the likes of Aerosmith, Madonna, U2, Beyoncé, Bruno Mars and Coldplay have all held down center stage at the game and she’s as skilled as any of them….but upon taking a step back, it made no sense at all. There was one report that the big stumbling block for her agreeing to perform was her persistent case of stage nerves and the NFL reportedly agreed that Adele could be joined by Ryan Tedder of OneRepublic, with whom she is close friends, to help keep her calm. But in explaining why she decided not to accept the NFL’s offer, Adele gave the most logical explanation possible.  "First of all, I'm not doing the Super Bowl," she said. "I mean, come on, that show is not about music. And I don't really... I can't dance or anything like that. They were very kind, they did ask me, but I said no." Exactly. Her best talent is her voice and she’s not going to ride in on a massive mechanical tiger like Katy Perry, nor is she going to dance in front of a pair of dudes in cheesy shark costumes or have a bevy of backup dancers like Beyonce. There are a lot of kick-ass artists out there who have great musical skill, but their skill set doesn’t translate well to a pop-centric, medley-based 12-minute halftime effort that’s more light show than concert……..


- At least you didn’t become the 21st century Hindenburg. That’s probably the best thing you can say about the blimp-shaped, helium-filled airship billed as the world's biggest aircraft making its maiden flight over the weekend. Dubbed Airlander 10, the 302-foot-long craft has jokingly been nicknamed the "flying bum" because of its bulbous front end, but took off from an airfield 45 miles north of London, proving that a hybrid air vehicle — part lighter-than-air blimp, part plane - can get off the ground and move at a relatively slow pace without anything terrible happening to it. The Airlander is designed to use less fuel than a plane, but carry heavier loads than conventional airships, none of which offsets the fact that it can only travel at up to 90 mph. It’s a curiosity to be sure, able to reach 16,000 feet and stay aloft for days at a stretch - allegedly. See, it’s debut flight was merely for an hour and a half at heights of up to 3,000 feet. It’s probably best to not push things too far - or too high - on the first day, but any hopes of making this more than a novelty act will hinge on being able to meet and possibly even exceed those alleged standards of flight laid out to those behind the Airlander 10. Then again, not crashing in a giant ball of fiery death is also a nice way to introduce yourself to the world, so perhaps let’s just stick with calling this a relative success and not push it………


- Now, in the mold of O.J. Simpson, Jon Jones can go in search of the real culprits responsible for his positive PED test prior to his scheduled bout against Daniel Cormier at UFC 200 on July 9. The former UFC light heavyweight champion has accepted a plea deal in connection to his highly publicized traffic stop in March and now that Jones has appeared in Bernalillo Metropolitan Court on Thursday and pleaded guilty to charges of unlawful exhibition driving and improper display of registration, he can shift his focus to what really matters. That, of course, is who’s responsible for his failed drug test on June 16, a result he defended by insisting he had no idea how the illegal substance got into his system. That argument didn’t stop UFC from removing him from the event days before after the United States Anti-Doping Agency reported he had tested positive for two banned substances, including estrogen blockers, but with the curious case of three additional charges from his traffic stop - unlawful drag racing, unlawful use of modification of exhaust systems and failure to maintain traffic lane - now dismissed as part of the plea deal and Jones about to complete 60 hours of community service and an aggressive driving class, he should be able to investigate who put those illegal substances into his body and how it happened rather than arguing with the officer who arrested him during that traffic stop on March 24 in Albuquerque, New Mexico and calling that cop a "f---ing liar." Because if Jones can't come up with a better excuse for his positive PED test, he’s the one who looks like a f---ing liar…….


- You’ve gotta fight…for your right…..to tamale. Dennise Cruz is a Carrollton, Texas resident who is fighting The Man after receiving a warrant arrest notice in the mail on account of her tamales. Yes, the food product comprised of masa inside corn husks, served up piping hot and according to the city of Carrollton, served up illegally. Cruz received a bold, demanding yellow postcard in the mail from the city ordering her to contact the city court or else face possible arrest. “That has to be wrong. I don’t have any tickets under my name. That’s just my first reaction. Never would have I thought, tamales,” Cruz said. “To know that somebody can be arrested over that, that to me is unbelievable.” Her saga began a few months ago when she decided to whip up some masa, steam up some corn husks and post on Nextdoor that she would be selling her tamales. Cruz felt it was a common practice and was stunned when she learned that selling food without a permit could result in a $700 fine. “I don’t understand because if anything I would have rather them come to me first if they had any concerns,” Cruz said. Yes, but that’s not really how it works. The government doesn’t actively seek out people it guesses might have an interest in possibly doing something that requires a permit and have a friendly chat with them first. Carrollton Environmental Services officials say they fined Cruz rather than simply issuing a warning because tamales are considered “potentially hazardous food” due to the cooked corn and meat being used. The fine would have been $617, but by fighting it in court, Cruz upped it to $700, although one of her friends set up a GoFundMe account to help pay for the mounting legal costs incurred by this culinary crusader in the Great Tamale War………

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