- There are certain “victimless” crimes where no one is
actually hurt, yet something shady still occurred. Pirating a movie that’s
already out on DVD, stealing a few sips from your fountain drink soda at the
convenience store before refilling what you just drank…and of course, claiming
that you climbed the world’s tallest mountain and then Photoshopping evidence
to prove that you reached the summit. The criminals behind this nefarious deed
are Indian citizens Dinesh and Tarakeshwari Rathod, who have had their climbing
certificated revoked and been banned from climbing any mountain in Nepal for 10
years after Nepal mountaineering authorities determined that the Indian couple
faked a Mount Everest ascent earlier this year by altering photographs to make
it appear they were on the summit. Mountaineering Department official Gyanendra
Shrestha said the government has canceled the climbing certificates issued to
these liars and won't allow them to scale a single Nepali peak for a decade
because they claimed they scaled the 29,035-foot peak in May, only to be proven
wrong. The government issued them climbing certificates based on the photographs,
but fellow climbers narced them out because, well, climbers have this funny
code of honor where they want people to be honest about what they do on the
peaks. When other climbers raised objections,
an investigation was launched and another Indian climber, Satyarup
Sidhantha from Bangalore, said it was his photograph that the couple altered to
make it appear they were on the summit. The best part of this is that the
guilty couple are both police officers from Pune in the Indian state of Maharastra.
Way to conduct yourselves with integrity, officers. You can't lie your way into
being the first Indian couple to scale Everest, d-bags………
- Action Bronson is not your typical rapper. He’s a
heavyset, Albanian-ancestry-having, bearded white boy from Queens who is an
avid foodie and hosts a show titled, “F*ck, That’s Delicious” on the Fuse
network. He doesn’t fit the typical mold of a hip-hop star, which is why it
makes perfect sense that he elected to reward fans who showed up at the Ford
Amphitheater in Coney Island, New York for a special Sports Illustrated event
by taking the unusual step of hurling brand-new, factory sealed kitchen
appliances into the crowd. Jay-Z, Drake, Kid Cudi, NWA and Sugar Hill Gang have
never shown love for fans by hitting them up with a Kitchen Aid mixer or a
stainless steel toaster, but Action Bronson knows that a nice waffle iron might
be just the thing the guy in the 20th row needs to really have a great evening
at his show. He was in the middle of his performance when, without warning, he
began tossing out the freebies. One of the items he gave away was a 1,800-watt
“smart grill” and because the simple truth is that fans of any kind, be they
sports, musical or otherwise, love free things, the audience immediately began
clamoring for the giveaway items. Thankfully, the scene did not descend into
mayhem and there weren't any reports of bare-knuckle brawls over a George
Foreman grill in the general admission section. The gesture fits right in with
a foodie rapper who wants to share his culinary love with the masses, so here’s
to more Action Bronson kitchen appliance giveaway nights at a club,
amphitheater or pavilion near you……..
- Flamin’ Hot Cheetos are supposed to cause a fire in your
mouth, not inspire you to try to burn an entire gas station to the ground. St.
Louis resident Joshua Crook, a man who takes his name a bit too literally, did
not receive that memo and that’s why he’s now charged with felony attempted
arson. See, as police tell it, Crook tried to steal a bag of Flamin’ Hot
Cheetos from a BP gas station on South Grand Boulevard and while that’s not the
sort of attempted crime that usually puts a business on the road to fiscal
ruin, the clerk rose above the fact that he’s paid minimum wage to deal with
all manner of nonsense, danger and disrespect and made a legitimate effort to
stop the theft. He confronted Crook, who surprisingly did not respond well to
someone coming out from behind the bulletproof glass booth inside which gas
station clerks reside and refusing to allow him to get away with a package
containing nutritionally deficient, heavily salted and artificially colored
snacks. No, Crook allegedly punched the clerk in the face, ran out of the store
and poured gasoline on the pavement. Why would he pour gasoline on the
pavement? So he could attempted to set the fuel on fire with a lit cigarette,
police believe. The good news is that in addition to being a terrible thief,
Crook also seems to be an awful arsonist and he failed in his efforts to burn
this mo-fo to the ground. There was no damage, he was arrested and now, the
Cheetos of St. Louis are safer than they were before……..
- Really, Baylor football? You’re on the back end of a
massive, pervasive scandal involving widespread allegations of violence and
assault against women by your players, a scandal that got your head coach fired
and numerous players dismissed from the program as the school became a
laughingstock among those who actually dare to think that assaulting women is a
legit problem. So with that scandal at least moving off the center of the stage
nationally, leave it to Baylor wide receiver Ishmael Zamora to find a new way
to embarrass his team and university. The team has suspended this dumbass for
three games after a video emerged of him whipping and kicking his dog.
"Our football program does not condone this behavior by anyone,"
Baylor coach Jim Grobe said in a statement. "We are deeply saddened by it
and have worked together with the University to hold Ishmael accountable for
his actions." And why did a local television station find this video?
Because being a mentally deficient millennial, Zamora posted the video to
Snapchat and someone alerted KXXV to its presence. Soon enough, the world saw
Zamora hitting his dog eight times with a belt and kicking it. Because of his
idiocy and stupidity, Zamora has been charged with a Class C misdemeanor. In
addition to the misdemeanor citation and fine he already received, he must
perform 40 hours of community service "in a manner that will teach him
kindness and respect toward animals,” undergo counseling and relinquish his dog
to an animal-friendly home. Oh, but he did release a kick-ass statement
apologizing in total believable fashion. "I am sorry that I took out my frustration
on my dog and accept the punishment that comes with it," Zamora said in
the statement. "This incident will never, ever happen again. I truly love
my dog, however, I know that my actions showed differently and I know that I
made a big mistake. I apologize to my family, teammates, Baylor University and
our fans for my actions.” Here’s hoping this is enough to steer him off the
path of becoming the next Michael Vick……..
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