Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Maria Sharapova isn't a moron, NIN may S-U-C-K and shutting down street performer kooks


- A fake weapon created some real drama in Germany on Monday when special forces ended a standoff after a man claiming to be armed took several people hostage at a town hall, the “Altes Rathaus” in the southeastern city of Ingolstadt, near where Chancellor Angela Merkel was due to attend an election campaign event. The kook in question was not identified, but his age was given as 24 and police said he is and known to the authorities, as he had stalked a female employee at the town hall in the past. The suspect had been in touch with police by phone after the incident, which began at 9 a.m. local time. Merkel was se3cheduled to attend the election event on Monday afternoon, but police have not confirmed that her visit was directly related to the incident. Either way, one hostage escaped from the town hall and police were able to convince the suspect to release a second one. His gun was later determined to be a fake, although the knife he was toting proved to be very real. Thankfully, the suspect was the only person injured in the incident. He was taken down after police intervened and is alive. Police chief Günther Gietl said the weapon the hostage taker claimed to have was a fake, but did not elaborate on a possible motive or go into detail about how the incident unfolded. Merkel has become an increasingly divisive figure in Deutschland of late, but this is the first fake-gun-based hostage taking she has managed to inspire so far. As long as she keeps drinking lots of beer and eating lots of sausage legal, she shouldn’t have to worry about a coup…….


- Buy your tickets now for the upcoming Nine Inch Nails shows around the world. Trent Reznor and his bandmates are going to create a memorable evening, one way or the other. Reznor has conceded that that the band's new stage show could either be "the best thing ever" or a "spectacular disaster” and either one would be a night to recall fondly for fans. The band’s new show will debut this weekend at the Reading and Leeds festivals in the United Kingdom. Reznor explained that the new-look show is inspired by Talking Heads' 1983 Stop Making Sense tour and has been redesigned from scratch to work specifically to work outdoors. "In terms of physical components, it's actually low-tech," Reznor said. "It's either going to be the best thing ever or a spectacular disaster." Back in 2009, the combustible frontman declared the end of Nine Inch Nails as a touring entity. He knew that reversing field and going back out on the road would likely lead to extensive criticism. "I guess I was ready for the backlash... I mean, I've seen The Cure on about eight different farewell tours. Kiss about 10," he said. Before heading to Reading and Leeds, NIN played play an intimate gig at London's Scala and a set at Belsonic Festival in Belfast. Prior to hitting the festival circuit in the U.K., NIN released a new track unimaginatively titled “Everything.” It is the latest teaser from their forthcoming album “Hesitation Marks,” which is set to drop Sept. 3. It is their first album since 2008’s “The Slip” and features guest appearances by bassist Pino Palladino, who regularly plays with The Who, and Fleetwood Mac guitarist Lindsey Buckingham……… 


- God bless you, city officials in Sacramento. You are expunging one of life’s true absurdities from your streets merely by ENFORCING A LAW THAT WAS ALREADY ON THE BOOK. City codes already mandate that say street performers and vendors aren’t allowed in Old Sacramento, but no one has been doing anything about the freaks who paint themselves gold and stand like a statue for seven hours for $6.50 in tips or the con artists who play they shell game and sucker in unsuspecting tourists with low IQs - until now. These street freaks are officially getting the boot, as all permits for such individuals have been revoked. Local businesses stand to profit and have pushed for the eviction of their mobile competitors by claiming that street vendors undermine “legitimate” shops. “[On] New Year’s Eve or something like that you’ll have people set up tables with merchandise, selling 100 bucks worth of stuff while we pay rent and pay taxes, and they are here on events where we can make extra money and they take it away from us,” said Dennis Larson, who runs an immobile ice cream shop. In the past, street vendors and performers were warned if they were considered to be blocking access. They also should have been warned that they were embarrassing themselves, their families, their city, their nation and the human race, but all of this facts may have already been obvious to folks such as the human Statue of Liberty or Three-Card Theo on the street corner. Rather than issue warnings for first offenses and $100 fines for a second offense, better to get rid of these losers entirely………


- Give Maria Sharapova credit for still being hot and not being a moron.  The Russian tennis hottie with a green card and a mansion in Florida has made the brilliant decision decided not to change her last name to Sugarpova for the US Open next week. And why would a successful professional athlete with multiple major championshipps to her credit change her name a week before one of the biggest events of the year? Because Sugarpova is to the name of her candy company. Sugarpova, a premium line of gummy candies and gum, has caught on quickly since she introduced it last year and sold 1.8 million bags of its candy around the world in North America, Europe and Asia. The brand will expand to South America later this year and clearly, Sharapova and her agent, Max Einsbud, want to cash in as much as possible even if it makes her look like a pub-hungry ass hat along the lines of former NFL receiver Chad Ochocinco. In the end, sanity won out - for now. "Maria has pushed her team to do fun, out-of-the-box-type things to get the word out about Sugarpova," Eisenbud said. "In Miami, we're going to fill a glass truck full of candy and drive it around town. This was an idea that fell along those lines. But, at the end of the day, we would have to change all her identification, she has to travel to Japan and China right after the tournament and it was going to be very difficult." In other words, getting the Sugarpova passport in time was going to be tough, so we held off for now. In order to change her name, Sharapova would have had to file a name change petition in the state, submit fingerprints, have a background check and have a hearing before a judge. He the judge approved the request and signed an order, the name change would be official. On the surface, a women’s tennis player has as short a shelf life as most anyone outside of a gymnast and squeezing as much money out of it as possible makes sense, but there are lengths that no one should go to, even a tennis player, in favor of personal dignity. Even without the name change, Sharapova earned an estimated $29 million from June 2012 to June of this year, according to Forbes Magazine, the highest amount earned by a female athlete. That plus not looking like a total tool should be enough for a girl who already has so much…….

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