Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Stephen Colbert supports speedskating, fatty diets are literally depressing and me v. PETA once again

- Way to step it up, my man Stephen Colbert. The best fake newsman in the business has anted up to help the U.S. Speedskating team after the team lost its largest annual cash sponsor, DSB Bank NV. Colbert made the announcement on Monday's "The Colbert Report," proclaiming that his program has become the primary sponsor of this nation’s team of dudes who skate around really fast in circles on a giant sheet of ice. DSB bank failed to come through on the $300,000 it owed for sponsorship and in fact did not make a single payment. With the Olympics approaching fast (February), U.S. Speedskating was in quite a bind. U.S. Speedskating executive director Robert Crowley, who appeared on Monday's show along with former speedskating champion Dan Jansen, admitted that having Colbert sponsor the team is a "definitely unconventional arrangement," but said it would generate exposure for the sport. "We're highly optimistic that the country is going to get behind this and get behind the Colbert Nation and support this amazing team," Crowley said. "I don't have any idea if it's going to make $5 or $500,000. I couldn't tell you." Now, the team’s uniforms will sport a "Colbert Nation" logo, the name Colbert good-naturedly bestows upon fans of his show. "On their enormous, billboard thighs, it will say, 'Colbert Nation,"' Colbert said before Monday evening's taping. "Be looking for that logo as it comes around the final turn. It will be easy to see because it will be in first place." The U.S. team definitely has some strong contenders set to compete in the Olympics, including heated rivals Shani Davis and Chad Hedrick and short track star Apolo Anton Ohno. "I personally love Comedy Central + The Colbert Report," Ohno said in an e-mail. "Any attention the sport can get is going to be beneficial. I'd like to see how creative they can get! I'm game to do a skit about it :-)" Of course, the show won't be paying out of its own pockets to support the team. Instead, Colbert is using his established fundraising power to get his fans to donate to the team via www.colbertnation.com and www.usspeedskating.org. He’s demonstrated his proficiency in this sort of endeavor in the past by raising hundreds of thousands of dollars for the Yellow Ribbon Fund, a charity that assists injured service members and their families. He’s also said to be considering taking his show on the road to Vancouver for the Olympics, although I’m not sure how likely that is. Still, props to my man S. Colbert for taking up a good cause and supporting a secondary sport that typically wouldn’t receive a lot of attention even in the Olympic world…………

- I’m depressed just hearing about this sort of horrific diet. The fact that people are gorging themselves so extensively on diets of fried food, processed meat, high-fat dairy products and sweetened desserts is just sad. That’s fitting because according to new research published this week, a diet heavy in processed and fatty foods increases the risk of depression. Furthermore, these researchers also found that a diet including plenty of fresh vegetables, fruit and fish could help prevent the onset of depression. All of the participants were civil servants, which I assume means that they took part in the study on company time and in between their four coffee breaks and two-hour lunch break. One group was comprised of people who ate a diet largely based on "whole" foods with a second group who mainly ate a diet of crap. Factoring in other indicators of a healthy lifestyle such as not smoking and regular exercise, those who ate the whole foods had a 26 percent lower risk of depression than those who ate mainly processed foods. Processed food seemed to have a marked impact on the risk of depression, as those who ate a diet heavy in processed food had a 58 percent higher risk of depression. In explaining their findings, the researchers pointed to several possible explanations. Firstly, the high level of antioxidants in fruits and vegetables could have a protective effect, as previous studies have shown higher antioxidant levels to be associated with a lower risk of depression. Secondly, eating lots of fish may protect against depression because it contains high levels of the sort of polyunsaturated fatty acids which stimulate brain activity. The research team also admitted that it was possible that a "whole food" diet protects against depression because of the combined effect of consuming nutrients from lots of different types of food, rather than the effect of one single nutrient. They concluded: "Our research suggests that healthy eating policies will generate additional benefits to health and well-being, and that improving people's diet should be considered as a potential target for preventing depressive disorders." The demographics of those who participated in the study are thus: 3,486 people with an average age of 55, who worked for the civil service, each of whom completed a questionnaire about their eating habits and a self-assessment for depression. Not that we needed any evidence that fatty, sweet and processed foods are bad for you and that you should eat healthier, whole food products, but we have it anyhow. In all seriousness, depression is a major issue and if you’ve never suffered from it, don’t underestimate its impact. Anything that can be done to address the problem is great and if it’s something that promotes better physical help at the same time, all the better…………


- This isn't going to help your show, producers of NBC’s Heroes, it’s going to hurt it and you shouldn’t be getting rid of key parts of your cast, man. Already struggling to find its way and leaving key characters out of the plot for weeks on end, the sci-fi drama is axing actor Adrian Pasdar, a.k.a. Nathan Petrelli, from its ranks. A studio rep for the NBC series would not confirm Pasdar's exit, but rumors of his demise have been circulating since last month and now those rumors appear to have come to fruition. Worse yet, Pasdar allegedly found out that his character was about to be killed off when he read it in a script. I hope that’s not true, because that’s a bush-league move no matter what business you’re in and how big or small a show it is. If you are killing a person’s character off a show, have the integrity to tell them directly. To be fair, this isn't the first time Pasdar's character, Sen. Nathan Petrelli, has been killed off the series. At the end of Season 3, Nathan was killed after a prolonged battle with Sylar (Zachary Quinto) that ended with Sylar slashing Nathan’s throat. However, Matt Parkman (Greg Grunberg) used his powers of mind control and Sylar’s own power of shape-shifting against him to force Nathan’s likeness and memories into Sylar’s old body at Nathan’s mother Angela’s urging. That kept Nathan alive, but this season Sylar slowly re-emerged and came back fully after “Nathan” was been shot by a hit man and unceremoniously buried. He’s been trying to shake Nathan’s memories ever since, but it appears he won't have to do that much longer. Now that Pasdar is set to be offed, Sylar can just be Sylar. From someone who has watched the show since its debut, know that this is going to hurt the product and make a show already losing its way at least a little bit worse. Not exactly what NBC needs at this point, I have to say…………


- Before I get to this next story, you’ll need to give me a minute to finishing chewing my nice, juicy steak, set aside my chicken tenders, take off my leather jacket, get up out of my leather chair, step over my bearskin rug, slip on my alligator-skin shoes and put on my coonskin cap. Okay, now I’m set to talk to my friends at but the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. You kooks need to stop it – now. Assailing San Antonio Spurs guard Manu Ginobili for swiping a bat from mid-air during a Halloween victory over the Sacramento Kings at the AT&T Center in San Antonio is just pathetic and idiotic. The fact is that the bat somehow found its way into the arena, which is not uncommon in terms of flying creatures getting inside large public venues, and when the bat buzzed around the court and was posing a danger to the players, officials and fans, Ginobili acted. His actions may have been ill-advised in that bats tend to be filthy creatures that are known to carry rabies, but Ginobili’s quick thinking and fast reaction to cold-cock the bat in mid-flight, dropping its motionless body to the court, was awesome. That whack job on the beat was far more impressive than the 13 points he tallied in helping his team to the win. Of course, the kooks at PETA don’t see it that way. They wouldn’t agree with a person killing an angry, rabid animal looking to kill them and their family as an acceptable thing. On the organization's official blog, The PETA Files, Amanda Schinke writes: "To bludgeon a 4-ounce animal to death, it takes either a small man or a totally unthinking one—with no respect or consideration for lives humbler than his own. This is a time when athletes in particular need to be on their best behavior around any animal and show that they have brains and a heart, not just reactionary brawn. Bats always try to avoid contact with humans, and there are plenty of easy ways to keep bats out of a basketball arena (or your home). We hope that the next time someone's life is on the line, Manu Ginobili will take just a few seconds to think before he acts." Poorly said, A., poorly said. Don’t try to belittle or run down Ginobili because he smacked one tiny, possibly rabid bat to the ground. Arena personnel attempted to corral the bat before Ginobili intervened, so he didn’t just rush in before anyone else could act. The bat flew toward him, not the other way around, and he reacted. This is the same sort of garbage you all engaged in back in June when you hassled President Obama for swatting a fly during an interview with CNBC. Making this situation worse is the fact that while the fly in that “incident” died, the bat that Ginobili hit was only temporarily stunned. It actually flew away after being removed from the arena. So get your facts straight, PETA tools. Before you accuse a guy of killing a bat, make sure the bat is actually dead. What you should be doing is praising Ginobili for disabling the bat, keeping everyone safe and keeping the bat alive as well. Now, Ginobili has to undergo a series of 16 rabies shots over the next month to be safe, so why doesn’t PETA just shut its collective mouth, get a healthy dose of perspective and intelligence and go away…………


- If you’re even a casual Facebook user, you’re going to like and applaud this next story. A few months back, the Facebook accounts of hundreds of users were hacked and used to send out a bunch of junk messages and instant messages. The messages were about crappy, spam-tastic topics like free $500 JC Penny’s gift cards that didn’t exist. Thankfully, the a-hole responsible for those messages has been caught, taken to court and hit with an absurd judgment that he has absolutely zero chance to ever repay. A California judge awarded Facebook $711 million in damages against spammer Sanford Wallace for bombarding the Web site with junk messages, an amount I’m guessing it significantly more than this ass hat has in his bank account. Wallace, who has also been called the "Spam King," accessed Facebook members' accounts without their permission and sent out "phony" Wall posts and messages, pissing off those users and Facebook to no end. Why did he do it? Well, the same reason anyone does anything stupid: because they can. "We won another battle in the fight against spam," said Facebook, which announced the Oct. 29 ruling on its Web site on Friday. The ruling was handed down by Judge Jeremy Fogel of U.S. District Court in Northern California's San Jose division, who also banned Wallace and anyone affiliated with him from accessing Facebook. The social networking site has already admitted that it doesn't expect to get much money out of the bankrupt Wallace, but it said that he could end up behind bars. "Most notably, the judge referred Wallace to the U.S. Attorney's Office with a request that Wallace be prosecuted for criminal contempt, which means that in addition to the judgment, he now faces possible jail time," read the Facebook statement. "We will continue to pursue damages against other spammers." This definitely is not the first time Wallace has been sued by an online company for being a spamming scumbag. Back in 2008, he was touched up for won a $230 million judgment after being sued by MySpace for sending junk messages. He was also fined $4 million by the Federal Trade Commission in 2006 for his excessive pop-up ads, so dicking around with Twitter is pretty much the only move left for this loser. Look Wallace, I realize that maybe you can continue to do this because a) you’re computer-savvy and b) the amount of the judgments against you is so astronomical that you’ll never pay them back, by why don’t you do us all a favor and just go away? No one respects you or thinks you’re funny or clever. Hopefully Facebook presses criminal charges and you get sent to the hole, but if not, I may come looking for you myself, armed with bad intentions………..

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