Sunday, November 01, 2009

Idiots in Iowa, thoughts on the NYC Marathon and Brett Favre stomps on the hearts of Packers fans

- Is this heaven? No, it’s Iowa, where brain-dead ass clowns don hooded sweatshirts and draw all over their faces with black Sharpies in an attempt to disguise themselves before robbing someone’s house. On Friday night, police in Carroll, Iowa received a call from a homeowner who claimed that men with hooded sweatshirts and painted faces had tried to break into a his home. A short time later police pulled over a vehicle matching the caller's description a few blocks from the home and inside they found Matthew Allan McNelly and Joey Lee Miller, their faces streaked with permanent black marker. "We're very skilled investigators and the black faces gave them right away," Carroll Police Chief Cayler joked. "I have to assume the officers were kind of laughing at the time. I've never heard of coloring your face with a permanent marker." With good reason, chief. People with an IQ of 38 or above would know that permanent markers are for things like signing sports memorabilia and not coloring your face as a means of disguising yourself for a robbery. To top off their idiotic caper, McNelly was also charged with operating a vehicle while intoxicated on top of the attempted burglary charge both men were hit with. Police believe one of the alleged burglars targeted the home because he suspected his girlfriend had a relationship with the man who lived there. "They probably were just not thinking straight and figured we'll go out and scare the guy or whatever," Cayler said. "[They were] being dumb and combine that with alcohol and it was the perfect storm." True enough. Booze does enhance and magnify stupidity, there’s no doubt. Cayler admitted that he has been with the department for nearly three decades and has never seen anything quite like this. This actually works out as a win-win for everyone, because no one was hurt, McNelly and Miller can learn a valuable lesson about how stupid they are and the rest of us get a solid laugh out of it………

- Everyone has their favorite iTunes playlist for an occasion, whether it’s a roof party, block party, sleepover, sporting event or…..a torture session of terror suspects at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba? Huh? Members of numerous bands from a variety of musical genres are in fact asking what sort of music authorities at Gitmo used in (alleged) torure sessions for suspects. Word on the street is that the theme to "Sesame Street," Don McLean's "American Pie,” the Meow Mix jingle, Bruce Springsteen's "Born in the U.S.A." and other popular music were used as weapons in an attempt to coax information from suspects. Now, a high-profile coalition of artists — including the members of Pearl Jam, R.E.M. and the Roots — are demanding that the government release the names of all the songs that, since 2002, were blasted at prisoners for hours, even days, on end. The musicians publicly endorsed a Freedom of Information Act request filed by the National Security Archive, a Washington-based independent research institute, seeking the declassification of all records related to the use of music in interrogation practices. They are dismayed at their music potentially being used in torture and object to the practice. "I think every musician should be involved," said Rosanne Cash, one of the objecting artists, said. "It seems so obvious. Music should never be used as torture." In some sense that may be true, but if some of the songs that are reported to be on the list were in fact used, then they are unequivocally torturous and should be used solely in that capacity. Seriously, the Meow Mix Jingle? I’m ready to shove a rusty ice pick into my ear drums after one rendition of that piece of sh*t, so how awful would it be to listen to it for hours and hours on and endless loop? Cash, daughter of the legendary Johnny Cash, isn't alone in speaking out. "The fact that music I helped create was used in crimes against humanity sickens me," Tom Morello, formerly of Rage Against the Machine, said in a statement. "We need to end torture and close Guantanamo now." President Barack Obama promised to do just that during the presidential election, but he has yet to show any real capability to make it happen. The Freedom of Information Act request ASKS for documents that include but are not limited to references to these performers or songs, which I have broken down into two categories, 1) absolutely sucks and is torture to listen to and 2) good songs I would not want used as torture so as to not sully their image: Songs that suck – "Barney" theme song (by Bob Singleton), Bee Gees, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, David Gray, Deicide, Hed P.E., James, Matchbox Twenty (or 20, depending on the year), Meat Loaf, Meow Mix jingle, Taylor, Limp Bizkit, Marilyn Manson, Pink, Prince, Stanley Brothers,; Music that doesn’t suck - AC/DC, Aerosmith, Bruce Springsteen, Don McLean, Dope, Dr. Dre, Drowning Pool, Eminem, Metallica, Neil Diamond, Nine Inch Nails, Queen, Rage Against the Machine, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Redman, Saliva, "Sesame Street" theme (by Christopher Cerf), "The Star-Spangled Banner", Tupac Shakur. So it’s the U.S. government and military v. the music industry and I’m pumped to see just whose music was used to get innocent people to confess to crimes they didn’t commit……….


- Two words for you, Green Bay Packers fans: Uh-oh! Your worst fears have come true, as Brett Favre has not only gone to play for the hated enemy, he’s beaten your beloved team twice this season, including a beatdown today in Green Bay. The Minnesota Vikings curb-stomped the Packers 38-26 in a game they led 17-3 at halftime and never trailed. Favre threw four touchdown passes as boos rained down upon him from the stands – boos he richly deserved, by the way. There is no one who loathes Favre and his act more than me, so it pains me to see his team playing so well, but the Vikings are. Favre is still a disingenuous, egotistical bastard who is nowhere near the happy-go-lucky, good ol’ boy gunslinger so many people view him as. He’s all about himself and his bloated ego, along with sticking it to the Packers because they grew tired of his annual “will he or won’t he” retirement debate. But even if he is all of those things I’ve just alleged, and he is, his team is still 7-1, they’ve still beaten the Packers twice this season and they have an absolute choke hold on the NFC North. The Vikings are the second-best team in the NFC behind New Orleans and they will be a force in the playoffs, like it or not. Seeing them go into Lambeau Field and punch the Packers right in the mouth was absolutely nauseating for those of us who despise Favre, knowing how much he enjoyed that experience. The man who replaced him as quarterback for the Packers, Aaron Rodgers, may be the highest-rated passer in the NFL right now, but that’s not going to win him any points with Packers fans after they watched Favre come into their house and rip their hearts out. Short of making the playoffs, getting a third shot at Minnesota and winning that game, there is no way for the Packers to wash the taste of their two losses to the Vikings out of their mouths. At 4-3, Green Bay faces an uphill battle to win a wild-card spot in the NFC and their defense is going to have to be much better and much more consistent than it has been up to this point in the season. Can that happen? If I’m going by what I saw Sunday and what I’ve seen any time the Packers have played a good team this season, the answer is no. For your sake, Packer fan, I hope I’m wrong…………


- Having run the New York City Marathon, I can now ask one question: What’s all the hype about? Sure, the sight of tens of thousands of runners streaming across the Verranzano Bridge from an eagle’s eye view by a news helicopter is cool, but I can tell you from being on the ground that running in a marathon with some 50,000 other runners is not all it’s cracked up to be. For starters, trying to sift your way through a wall-to-wall crowd of runners for the first mile or so takes a lot out of you and slows you down in the process. But the crowded nature of the course doesn’t end there; runners are packing the road for pretty much the entire course. There is nowhere on the course where you can really carve out space and settle in. On top of that, the massive crowds lining the streets for the race are positive on one hand, but a problem in some sense. Their enthusiasm is great, but there are sections, especially in Brooklyn and Queens, where the fans press forward onto the street so much that there’s not enough room for the runners and those runners are ultimately forced to bottleneck and cram together to get through. Course security is awful in places, with spectators running onto or across the course regularly and getting in the way of runners. It depends on the runner, I suppose, but I would much rather have a course where there are at least a few stretches with few or no spectators in order to relax, refocus and just enjoy the race. Even after the finish line, the design of the New York City Marathon is not good. Runners are funneled down a single road, jam-packed as far as the eye can see, to receive finisher’s medals, mylar heat blankets, stickers on the front of said blankets to hold them together, food and drink bags, finisher’s photos and finally to claim their gear bags. For some 40 minutes, you wander through this mass of humanity with almost nowhere to just sit down and catch your breath. Sure, I suppose that’s kind of what is to be expected when you run the world’s largest marathon, but I still felt the race could have been organized much better and been much more enjoyable as a result. Being able to say you ran the New York City Marathon is a great feeling, but it’s not one of my favorite races that I’ve run and definitely not one of the most well-organized……….


- Life continued to be difficult for Bay Area residents through the end of the work week on account of their beloved San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge remaining closed after three pieces of steel from the bridge fell onto its roadway Tuesday, forcing its closure. The 73-year-old bridge usually carries 280,000 vehicles a day, but for most of this past week it was devoid of traffic. Crews working on the bridge are replacing four steel rods, one of which failed and caused two rods to fall onto the bridge's deck. Because of the closure, the NBA’s Houston Rockets had to take a ferry to their game in Oakland against the Golden State Warriors on Wednesday night. Their team bus, the mandated method of travel by the NBA, would have needed to cross the closed bridge and instead, the team went nautical. Before the bridge can reopen, engineers must make sure the rods are centered and will strengthen the welds to ensure stability. Officials had hoped to have the bridge ready for use by the beginning of the day Friday, but no dice. Ironically, the pieces that fell, which include a cross beam, came from a section that was repaired during Labor Day weekend. Those repairs must not have been done properly, because when the rods vibrated Tuesday due to high winds, the damage happened. With the bridge closed, commuters had no choice but to use the Bay Area's rail system as an alternative. Environmentalists are probably thrilled by this development, but commuters sure weren’t. On Wednesday, Bay Area Rapid Transit carried the most passengers ever, more than 437,200. That represents an increase of 26 percent from an average Wednesday. It is the latest incident involving a bridge that has had its share of problems and incidents over the year. During the Loma Prieta earthquake in 1989, a 50-foot section of the bridge collapsed, killing one person and prompting efforts to make it stronger. Those efforts seem to have worked for the most part, but this week’s happenings show that there is still plenty of work to be done………

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