A Heroes recap, an impossible decision for Israel and the quest for all-time NBA ineptitude

- Gee, it’s hard to see why the marriage between David Hasselhoff and Pamela Bach didn’t work out. The Hoff is a known alcoholic whose best recent work was that pathetic YouTube video in which one of his daughters filmed him writhing and rambling while fall-down drunk on the floor in an attempt to shame him into quitting his drinking ways. Now that we know that the former Mrs. Hoff is also a raging alkie, it’s just not that difficult to figure out why these two couldn’t keep their relationship from going off the tracks. Bach’s revelation as a lush came Saturday when she was arrested at 8:03 p.m. Saturday in the west San Fernando Valley on on suspicion of DUI. She was later booked at the Van Nuys police department and released early Sunday morning after posting $15,000 bail. Oh, and her arrest came just a day after the Hoff was hospitalized after he was found passed out at his home. But fear not; as with all good drunks, Bach has a solid explanation. She claims that she was trying to comfort the couple's daughters earlier in the evening and then went out for dinner where she had a few drinks. "I am remorseful and mortified. I am going through a really difficult time between David being in the hospital and dealing with the divorce," she lied. As if that lie wasn’t enough, she also stated that she is now attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Maybe she and the Hoff can stage a family reunion at the next AA meeting, then go out for a few gin-and-juices afterward, since that’s what they seem to do best………

- Maybe I’ve just watched too much television, but this sounds exactly like a plot from an episode of 24 or some other spy/international espionage-themed drama. Israel is facing a difficult situation because of of an Israeli soldier who is being held captive by Hamas. Cpl. Gilad Shalit has been a prisoner of the terror group for three years and now Hamas is attempting to use him to leverage the release of 980 Palestinian prisoners currently in Israeli custody. That figure, released by Israel's State Prosecutor's Office, is the first official estimate of how many Palestinians could be freed in exchange for Shalit. He was captured in a 2006 Hamas raid near the Israel-Gaza border. Making this sort of demand, the release of hundreds of dangerous prisoners in exchange for one captured person of importance, is just the type of dilemma that you’d expect for hear Jack Bauer debating. But the Israeli government is clearly giving strong consideration to these demands, as papers filed with Israel's high court reveal. The documents spell out the government’s potential plan for an initial release of 450 prisoners in the first phase of a deal, with another 530 prisoners slated to be freed in a second phase. The decision has caused an understandable amount of outrage from relatives of Israelis slain by Palestinians and a group of these relatives have petitioned the court to force the government to release more information about the details of a possible exchange. Negotiations for Shalit's release have been conducted through third-party mediators seeking to bridge the gap between Israel and Hamas. Talks have started and stopped repeatedly and at numerous times during the process, there seemed to be no real hope for an agreement. However, Shalit's freedom has become a condition for the Israelis to consider ending a blockade that has economically wounded the Palestinian territory of Gaza and that has been enough to bring Hamas back to the table. At a critical impasse in negotiations last week, Israeli President Shimon Peres met with Egyptian President Hosni Mubarak in Cairo, Egypt, and hinted that the talks could be at a critical juncture. That fueled speculation about a possible deal, but any such accord will also require the Israeli government to announce the list of any prisoners to be released and allow 48 hours for objections before a deal can take place. I’m honestly not sure where to come out on this, because a lot of people lose either way. If Israel doesn’t ante up and save Shalit, his friend, family and fellow soldiers will be heartbroken and angry. If Israel caves and releases nearly 1,000 Palestinian prisoners, then the family members of those who were killed or injured by the released prisoners will be livid. It’s the proverbial no-win situation and all I can say at this point is how thankful I am that it’s not my decision to make………

- Old things ending and new things beginning was the theme for tonight’s Heroes, the last episode of 2009 and the final one before the two-hour behemoth on Jan. 4 that will mark the show’s last night in the 8 p.m. Monday time slot before moving back an hour to accommodate the (much anticipated) return of another fave show, Chuck. The old things ending appeared to be 1) the tenure of Edgar as Samuel Sullivan’s second in command at the Sullivan Bros. carnival, Nathan Petrelli’s life (and Adrian Pasdar’s time on the show) and Claire Bennet’s grasp on reality and the outside world. In regards to the Petrelli family, Peter’s quest to track down the mutated hybrid that is his brother Nathan mashed up with über-villain Sylar was on, even after a visit from Peter’s mother Angela during his shift as a paramedic at the hospital. Instead, Peter happily welcomed a second visitor to help him in his quest: the Haitian, a.k.a. Rene. Eschewing the advice of his mother, Peter used his ability to absorb the power of others to take on Rene’s power to block the powers of others and also to erase their memories. Equipped with his new power, Peter had a chance to use it sooner than expected. On an elevator ride to a higher floor of the building, a husky, black female nurse suddenly accosts him and lifts Peter clean off the floor with one hand. The elevator stops and Peter is hurled through the open door into the wall of a floor currently closed for remodeling. Out of the elevator steps Sylar, who had shape-shifted into the appearance of the female nurse. He seizes Peter’s bag of drugs, intended to be used to subdue Sylar so Peter could use his new power to wipe out all of his Sylar memories and turn the body they occupied back into his brother. A fight ensues and Peter strikes the first blow with a 2x4 to the back after hiding in the shadows. Sylar falls to the floor and turns around to use his telepathic powers to toss Peter across the room again, but to no avail. Peter blocks his powers and instead the duo battles it out mano a mano. Peter takes some solid shots but gains the upper hand, using his rage to fuel his fire. He eventually subdues Sylar enough to really go to work with a nail gun, pinning his adversary to a piece of plywood on the floor. Next, Peter attempts to permanently turn the body in front of him back into his brother by wiping out all Sylar memories. The attempt seems to work as the body shape-shifts back into Nathan’s likeness and Nathan speaks to Peter to confirm the change. Still, he admits that he’s extremely tired from fighting to stay alive inside the body while Sylar’s mind tries to kill him off. Peter suggests that they get out for some fresh air to clear Nathan’s mind and takes him to the building we saw Peter leap from the roof of in the first episode of the series when he was still figuring out his own powers and believed he could fly. The two reminisce about Nathan saving Peter that day by unleashing his own power to fly. Joy is short-lived, however, as Nathan continues to lament that he’s really not still alive and is merely a fraud living in a borrowed body. In the end, he takes his own way out by jumping off the roof. Peter catches him and is able to hold onto him momentarily, but in the end Nathan convinces him to let go in an emotional speech that brings tears to both brothers’ eyes. Peter releases his grip, Nathan falls and…..turns into Sylar mid-fall. Before he hits the ground, Sylar is back in possession of the body and in spite of crashing into the hood of a car, Sylar walks away unscathed thanks to his power to heal. A helpless Peter can only look on in dismay as Sylar waves to him from a hundred feet below and strolls casually away from the scene. There’s nothing casual about Claire Bennet’s current situation. Having stolen the mysterious compass from her father’s apartment last episode, Claire and roommate Gretchen follow the bizarro navigational device to the Sullivan Bros. carnival somewhere in southern Ohio. H.R.G. realizes the compass is gone right as he’s to leave for a date with former/current flame Lauren Gilmore (whose name is a nod to Gilmore Girls and star Lauren Graham, perhaps). She shows up at his apartment, asks about his new wall collage detailing his research into Samuel Sullivan and other people with powers currently making news in the world and spurs H.R.G. to dig into his desk for the compass to illustrate what he’s up to. The compass is gone and H.R.G. realizes instantly that Claire took it, bringing a swift end to his date and sending he and Lauren on a frantic search to pinpoint Claire’s location. She doesn’t answer a phone call, but Lauren is able to triangulate her cell phone’s signal to the southern portion of Ohio. That leaves H.R.G. at a loss for what to do next, but he compounds his woes by admitting to Lauren that they had a romantic relationship while working for the Company but that when it became clear than their affair wasn’t working out, she “Haitian-ed” herself, using her own power to wipe out all her memories of the relationship so they could both move on. She’s taken aback by the revelation and none too happy, but a knock at the door interrupts the conversation. The visitor is none other than Eli, the man whom Samuel Sullivan has asked to be his new right-hand man in light of Edgar’s departure last episode on account of Samuel falsely accusing him of murder and attempting to kill him. Eli is a replicator, meaning he can multiply himself. He actually takes a straightforward approach with H.R.G. and is honest about who he is and the purpose of his visit. When H.R.G. won't allow him inside, Eli uses his power to multiply himself and with several copies to go around, he manages to get inside the apartment and force H.R.G. and Lauren to retreat to the bathroom to regroup. H.R.G. pulls out several hidden guns and announces a plan to shoot every copy of Eli in sight until they hit the original one, which should kill all of the Eli’s. The problem with that plan is that by this time, Eli (all of him) is gone, having stolen the files Samuel wanted from H.R.G. With all of his research gone, H.R.G. has to figure out his next move while also trying to find his missing daughter. Speaking of Claire, she’s having a day at the carnival with Gretchen and finds herself surprisingly happy and content within the world of the Sullivan Bros. carnival. Samuel meets her at the gate and welcomes she and Gretchen inside. He tells them to look around, enjoy some popcorn and peek behind the scenes. Claire gradually finds herself warming up to the atmosphere because it’s a place where people like her can use their abilities and be around individuals who know what it’s like to live with an ability. Gretchen isn't sold on the idea, even if the super-powered con men, as she calls them, are using their powers to do things like helping a little girl win a carnival game and get a fun prize. The evening also features a visit to the Tattooed Lady, Lydia. After telling Samuel that she knows the truth about him murdering his brother Joseph but vowing to keep quiet to protect her daughter Amanda, Lydia fills her role in the family by offering to use her power to help show Claire why she’s at the carnival. Lydia takes Claire’s hand and uses her power to show a tattoo of Claire’s likeness on her back, with the words “Indestructible Girl” written below. When Claire asks what this means, Lydia says she isn't predicting the future, but merely showing Claire her true desires. As they wander around the rest of the carnival, Claire and Gretchen encounter a familiar face with whom Claire has a history: Eric Doyle, a.k.a. the Puppet Man. Even though he once attempted to kill her, it was Claire who helped Doyle elude government capture and flee Costa Verde last season. Now, he’s a member of Samuel’s family at the carnival and thanks Claire for her help in getting there. To further play with Claire’s emotions and convince her to join his merry band of misfits, Samuel calls on her to tell a story to the children in the group. She consents and basically tells her life story wrapped up in a fairy tale. The children love it, but the evening doesn’t end on a happy note. An irate carnival patron who lost a ball toss game because one of the workers used his power to rig the game when the man wouldn’t step aside to let a little girl play storms the employees’ area and attacks Samuel. Surprisingly, Samuel takes the beating because he believes the man has the right to say what he needs to say. However, Claire has seen enough and steps in between the two. Undeterred, the angry man breaks a beer bottle and attacks her. He slashes Claire on the right cheek, but when she turns back around and he sees her heal right in front of him, he’s so freaked out that he flees. A huge smile creeps across Samuel’s face and his motives for taking the punches becomes immediately clear. He offers to allow her to stay at the carnival for a couple of days to do some soul searching before heading back to school. Claire ultimately decides to accept the offer and tells Gretchen to make the 21-hour drive back to campus without her, but that she’ll be back on Monday. As Gretchen drives away, Samuel and Lydia have a bizarre conversation. Samuel confesses that “she” is not the one he’s after, with the she apparently being Claire. The implication seems to be that Gretchen is the one he’s after, although I could be mistaken. We see Gretchen drive away and as she does, the reflection of the carnival in her read csr window disappears, seeming to indicate that the carnival has vanished once again. Also, what looks like a dead body of a very obese man is lying in the bed of a truck in the parking lot, not sure what that means. The episode ends with a montage of various people with powers – Hiro, Ando, Emma, Peter, etc. – living their lives wherever they are and Samuel speaking a monologue. He goes on about reuniting their “family” and not being carnival nomads anymore. The final shot is of him and his family, Claire among them, in a nondescript field where they gather around Joseph’s grave and Samuel vows that when they gather everyone (people with powers), this is where they will make their home and roam no more. So for the next month, the story stops here, this will pick back up in January………

- This should shock exactly no one, but Iran doesn’t seem to give a rat’s ass about what the rest of the world thinks of its nuclear-development plans. Iran approved plans Sunday to build 10 industrial scale uranium enrichment facilities, an expansion of the that basically gives a giant diplomatic middle finger to U.N. demands it halt enrichment. Dictator Mahmoud Ahmadinejad made this move knowing full well that it would ratchet up tensions with the West and the timing of the announcement is no coincidence. It came only days after the U.N. nuclear watchdog agency censured Iran over its program and demanded it halt the construction of a newly revealed enrichment facility. The more the West puts its collective foot down and issues ultimatums, the more Iran digs in and defies those who would like to prevent it from developing the capabilities to nuke Israel from the face of the Earth. There is not a snowball in hell’s chance that Iran ever agrees to a U.N. deal aimed at ensuring Tehran cannot build a nuclear weapon in the near-term future. Threatening new U.N. sanctions if Iran does not respond should only spur Ahmadinejad and crew to thumb their nose at the West even more. "Time is running out for Iran to address the international community's growing concerns about its nuclear program," White House press secretary Robert Gibbs said. Talk all you want, Bob, Iran ain’t listening. Nor are they going to have an open mind for the U.N.'s International Atomic Energy Agency and its rebuke over enrichment. Just look at the words of one Iranian politician after hearing of the rebuke - parliament speaker Ali Larijani. Larijani threatened on Sunday to reduce cooperation with the IAEA. "Should the West continue to pressure us, the legislature can reconsider the level of Iran's cooperation with the IAEA," Larijani told parliament. Meanwhile, Iran’s one current operating enrichment facility, at the central town of Natanz, has churned out around 3,300 pounds of low-enriched uranium over the past years — enough to build a nuclear weapon if Iran enriches it to a higher level. All along the way, Iran has insisted that it has no intention of following through on that possibility and is merely using its nuclear program to generate electricity. At the risk of pissing off my man M. Ahmadinejad, I would like to point out that ordering the Atomic Energy Organization of Iran to begin building five uranium enrichment plants at sites around Iran and proposing five other locations for future construction within two months is not a good way to convince people that you aren’t looking to develop a massive nuclear arsenal. The fact that these new sites are to be built inside mountains to protect them from possible attacks should only heighten the apocalyptic fears that everyone outside of Iran seems to be harboring right about now, good times………

- I was so ecstatic last year when the Detroit Lions ran the table in reverse for a 0-16 miracle season that was truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Seeing a team in a major professional sport not do what it takes to win for an entire season, to see them find a way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory time after time…..it was inspiring, to say the least. But because an NFL season is only 16 games long and the seasons for other major sports in the United States are much longer, a winless season from an NBA, NHL or MLB team is simply impossible – or so I thought. Ladies and gentlemen, meet the 2009-10 version of the New Jersey Nets, a team that has now tied an NBA record with an 0-17 start. The Nets equaled the mark in a 106-87 loss to the Los Angeles Lakers on Sunday, with the defeat coming less than 24 hours after head coach Lawrence Frank was fired for his team’s inept play thus far in the season. New leadership clearly did not help the Nets against one of the NBA’s best teams and they lost to match the worst start to a season that was previously held by the 1988-89 Miami Heat and 1998-99 Los Angeles Clippers. It’s a solid start to a quest for futility as daunting as losing 82 straight NBA games, but there are still 65 games left to lose for the Nets. They will have to lose to a lot of bad teams to get the job done, teams that are almost as pathetic as they are – almost. General manager Kiki Vanderweghe will come down from the front office to coach the team for the rest of the year and this concerns me for a variety of reasons. First, his job could well be on the line just like Frank’s if things don’t turn around. He assembled this roster and if it is able to bring about the fulfillment of my dream of a winless NBA team, Vanderweghe could follow Frank out the door. Second, Vanderweghe is bound to bring a fresh perspective and new approach to the team and that could be just the sort of infectious thinking that will ruin the team’s focus and cause them to slip up. And yes, I realize that hip-hop icon Jay-Z is a minority owner of the Nets and seeing H.O.V.A.’s squad perform so miserably is not something I would have hoped for, ever. That being said and even though I would much prefer it to be a different team headed for historical incompetence, I don’t get to choose the team that will chase this dream. The team chooses itself by its play on the court and I am merely here to root them on in their unintentional quest for a dream……..my dream……..

Afghan jail breaks, weekend movie news and the might of the naked mole rat

- Why in the world would anyone want to escape from a place at swanky as an Afghan jail? That’s a question I can't answer, but there are 12 guys who could explain it – the 12 prisoners who escaped jail through a tunnel they dug from their cell to the outside in western Afghanistan. This dirty dozen was a collection of low-level Taliban militants, drug-dealers and other minor criminals. Farah province police chief Gen. Mohammad Faqir Askar revealed details of the escape, along with news that a 13th prisoner was arrested during his attempted escape. That prisoner spilled the beans on his comrades and told authorities that the tunnel took 10 days to dig and the plan was to slowly empty the prison overnight. At the time of the escape, there were more than 300 inmates were held in the prison, which was built to hold about 80. Now I am the first to admit that I am not the holder of a master’s in advanced mathematics, but that sounds to me like this prison was about 220 prisoners over capacity, give or take a few. Prison overcrowding has been a major problem in Afghanistan as the country’s corruption-prone government struggles to establish a justice system and prove to the nations – especially the United States – assisting it that there is hope for a better future. Escapes are not the only issue facing Afghani prisons, as violence inside detention facilities has also been a major problem. Last year, inmates in the main prison in Kabul took control of entire cellblocks before being pushed back. In June 2008, Taliban militants launched an assault on a prison in the southern city of Kandahar that freed 900 inmates. Prison overcrowding is also an issue here in the United States, but clearly a developing, war-torn nation like Afghanistan is going to have a much bigger struggle with the same problem because of its limited resources and lack of experience in handling such issues. Not to speak for our government and for Secretary of State Hank Clinton (largely because I fear that Hank might kick my ass if I do), but I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that a mass prison escape isn't what Hank had in mind when he proclaimed a need for the Afghan government to weed out corruption and step its game up if it wants to continue receiving assistance from the U.S…………

- Thank God that Bud Selig is at least a little bit smarter than a group of ass-hatted Major League Baseball owners who clearly don’t understand what’s good for their sport. Sure, Selig has done some nice things for the game of baseball during his tenure, but this guy has made as many major errors as he’s had success stories. For every implementation of the wild card system, there’s a tie in the All-Star Game, a failure to institute wider use of replay in the game and an imbecilic decision to award home-field advantage for the World Series to the winner of a meaningless exhibition game like the ASG in a vain attempt to inject it with meaning. In spite of this, a group of baseball owners recently approached Selig and asked him to stay on after his contract ends in 2012. Sources close to the situation say that it was a group of five owners that approached Selig and asked if he would be willing to continue his reign of terror beyond 2012. Thankfully, Selig has the offer and will leave his post once his current contract ends in 2012. That will mark 20 years as commissioner for Selig, who took the job when Fay Vincent was forced out of the commissioner's office 1992. Selig, who is 75, told the moronic owners who asked him to stay on that he wants to leave baseball to pursue other interests while he's still able. No word on what those interests are, but I’m guessing they have nothing to do with baseball and more to do with taking long naps and going to flea markets with other old-timers in Florida. Selig owned the Milwaukee Brewers prior to taking over as commissioner, so clearly he has given the majority of his life to baseball and I for one will not be sad to see him move on……..

- Let’s all enjoy an eco-friendly story that should serve as an example to one and all of how construction projects don’t necessarily have to be mutually exclusive to protecting and nurturing the environment. The tiny port town of Edmonston, Maryland is showing the rest of us how it’s done as it breaks ground this week on one of the greenest streets in the nation. Edmonston, located in Prince George's County, is touting the road as the greenest on the East Coast. What makes it so eco-friendly? Well, the road will help clean and filter toxic storm water pollution that drains into rivers, and eventually into Chesapeake Bay. "What we're hoping to do, from top to bottom, is build a street that is completely environmentally sustainable, " said Edmonston Mayor Adam Ortiz. Ortiz went on to explain that the design for the street incorporates native tree cover to cool off the streets, wind-powered street lights that use high-efficiency LED bulbs, and pedestrian and bicycle access. However, the mayor cites the most important feature as the street’s ability to filter rainwater rather than simply having it wash off directly into local rivers’ debris and all. "[It's] not going to be flushed into our local rivers. Instead it's going to be naturally filtered. And that's very important for us to save our rivers and to help save the Chesapeake Bay here in Maryland,” Ortiz explain. Typically, storm water runoff carries toxins and pollution from parking lots, city streets, farms and agricultural lands, depending on its location. The normal setup is to have underground concrete drain systems that collect the runoff and dump it into rivers and streams, pollutants and all. "What we're going to do, instead, is divert that water into natural gardens. To the naked eye it just looks like a regular garden, but actually it's very specially engineered to absorb a lot of water and naturally filter it before it gets into the water table, and to keep it from washing all those pollutants into the river," Ortiz added. This is important for Edmonston in particular because its storm water runoff drains into the nearby Anacostia River, which feeds into the Washington Channel, then empties into the Potomac River and eventually Chesapeake Bay. Cleaning the water at the start of the process will have a positive effect all along the way. As for the system itself, here’s how it works: The includes using porous bricks in building the road and creating bioretention cells or rain gardens. Polluted runoff water is collected and sent through natural filtration systems, coming out much cleaner on the other side. The project is being funded by the Environmental Protection Agency through a $1.1 million Recovery Act grant. The state of Maryland is looking to Edmonston as a model for similar projects elsewhere in the state and officials say that they have already allocated $20 million for other green projects. "Our goal is that other towns and cities and communities will steal our ideas," Mayor Ortiz said. "We'll know we're successful when we see these technologies used in other places." Agreed and agreed. Now, let’s hope that other towns see and follow your solid example………

- Naked mole rats: They’re not just for Disney Channel cartoons like Kim Possible. Scientists like Thomas Park, a professor of biological sciences at the University of Illinois at Chicago, have been studying these curious creatures and finding that the naked mole rat just might have some important lessons to teach us. For starters, naked mole rats don't get cancer, they aren’t seriously affected by encounters with acid and they age so well, some are older than the handling them. "They really are from Mars, I think," Park said. In actuality, the creatures are native to the horn of Africa. Researchers are bringing them into the lab at a rapid rate and trying to learn what makes the naked mole rat so durable and long-living. They're being used to study everything from aging to cancer to strokes. Nearly 1,500 naked mole rats are currently living at the University of Texas Health Science Center in San Antonio, making it the largest colony in the U.S. At least a half-dozen other universities also have colonies to study the nearly blind, hairless rodents with their wrinkled skin, tiny legs and buck teeth. Average lab mice live about two years, so having naked mole rats and their potential to live for up to 30 years is a nice bonus. Better still, there bone quality doesn't start to diminish until they're about 24 years old. Their appearance belies all of these impressive facts, which you’ll know with one quick glance at a naked mole rat. They are small (several can fit into a palm) and it’s actually possible to see beneath their pinkish skin. Still, don’t underestimate their toughness. Whereas squirting lemon juice on an open wound would cause you or I to wince in pain, naked mole rats don't feel pain because they lack a neurotransmitter known as substance P. Because of this, they’ve become a key asset in the field of pain research. Park and fellow researcher John Larson will publish their findings in next month's journal NeuroReport. Their report will include the revelation that the brains of adult naked mole rats can withstand oxygen depravation for a half-hour or more, which could be extremely beneficial in stroke research. So the next time think of the goofy Rufus the naked mole rat of Kim Possible fame, now you’ll know that it’s not entirely fiction. Rufus and his fellow naked mole rats are much closer to superheroes than any of us could ever have imagined………

- Another weekend, another box office victory for The Twilight Saga: New Moon. You ladies out there just cannot get enough vampire lovin’ and so New Moon raked in $42.5 million over the three-day (Friday through Sunday) weekend, making it the top-grossing movie for the second straight weekend. That take brings its cumulative total to $230.7 million — the sixth highest of the year, just below Star Trek ($257.7 million). Coming in second was a superior movie to New Moon, the Sandra Bullock-led The Blind Side, with $40.1 million despite being a football-centric movie and trying to appeal to decidedly non-football fans. With a $100.3 million total so far, it’s Bullock’s second $100 million hit of the year after this summer’s The Proposal ($164 million). The third-place finisher was end-of-the-world “epic” 2012 with $18 million, proving once again that people would much rather watch a movie about their supposed fiery demise than be out living life to the fullest just in case that supposed demise comes to fruition. Finishing fourth was a true clunker, the Robin Williams-John Travolta “comedy” Old Dogs, with $16.8 million. I put the word comedy in quotes because just like the film it’s basically a rip-off/lame-tastic sequel of, Wild Hogs, this movie is as unfunny a comedy as you’ll ever find on a movie screen. However, Old Dogs has only made $24.1 million total so far and definitively hasn’t been able to draw in the same older, male demographic that drove Wild Hogs to a $39.7 million debut back in 2007. Disney’s A Christmas Carol, the animated holiday flick, was fifth with $16 million and now that Christmas is upon us, this is one film I would expect to receive a strong holiday bump to keep its earnings fairly steady. Up next was a film I saw a crapload of promotion for during a visit to New York a few weeks ago, Ninja Assassin (sixth place, $13.1 million). Meanwhile, George Clooney’s new animated project, Fantastic Mr. Fox, made $7 million . in its first wide-release weekend. Another limited-release film, The Road, grossed $1.5 million at 111 theaters. Overall, the box office raked in an all-time high of $278 million over the five-day weekend. With the holiday season now in full swing, go ahead and expect overall box office revenues to remain high for the remainder of the year, regardless of the actual quality of movies at your local multiplex…………

College football packs in the thrills, a special flight from Chicago to New York and wacky hijinks at the Colorado governor's mansion

- If you were looking for one of college football’s top teams to be upset this weekend, you were looking in the wrong place. Third-ranked Texas already wrapped up an undefeated regular season Thursday by eking out a 49-39 win over lackluster in-state rival Texas A&M that was every bit as unimpressive as the score indicates. Sadly, Colt McCoy threw three touchdown passes and ran for 100-plus yards and another TD, which then provides false ammo for those who would argue that his season overall is good enough to win the Heisman. Likewise, No. 2 Alabama finished off a perfect regular season by furiously rallying from an early 14-0 deficit to archrival Auburn and winning with a last-minute touchdown, 26-21. That sends the Crimson Tide into the SEC championship game against similarly unbeaten Florida, which was the lone team among the top three to play today. Of course, the Gators had little more than a glorified scrimmage against a hapless Florida State team that provided a perfect summation of the case as to why coach Bobby Bowden should be fired/forced to resign after the season by laying down for a 37-10 beating. Tim Tebow had a nice, easy day in his final home game at The Swamp, throwing for three touchdowns and rushing for two more in a nice coronation to his time as the king of Gainesville. My favorite win came from No. 4 TCU, which curb-stomped an incompetent New Mexico team by a 51-10 count that barely begins to illustrate the distance between the two teams in terms of talent and quality. That gives TCU a 12-0 season and cements a BCS berth, but unless Nebraska can upset Texas in next Saturday’s Big 12 championship game, TCU has no hope of making it to the national championship game. That sucks because TCU is very much on the level of Texas and Alabama, yet they were never given a legitimate chance to make the title game. Another non-BCS qualifying conference leader, Boise State, saw its BCS hopes buoyed by a) beating Nevada 44-33 Friday night to clinch the WAC title and b) having No. 12 Oklahoma State, the Broncos’ top contender for an at-large BCS spot, fail to even show up for their rivalry game against Oklahoma. The Sooners crushed the Cowboys 27-0 as Oklahoma State turned in its worst offensive performance in a decade while representatives from the Sugar, Orange and Fiesta bowls looked on. That should hand Boise State a BCS berth, assuming they can beat hapless New Mexico State next week. Today was also coaching carnage day, with two Div. I coaches losing their jobs before the day’s action even kicked off and Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis preparing to take to the sidelines at Stanford in what was undoubtedly his final game as the head man for the Fighting Irish. Louisville fired head coach Steve Kragthorpe after he failed to live up to his reputation as an offensive genius and managed only a 15-21 record in three seasons at the helm. Likewise, the University of Akron canned J.D. Brookhart after he posted his fourth consecutive losing season in six years as head coach. As for Weis……he was going to be fired win or lose, so it was only fitting that the Irish came from ahead to lose 45-38 in a game that showed the one perpetual weakness that plagued Weis’ teams at Notre Dame every single year: a porous defense. Athletic director Jack Swarbrick pulled the plug on Weis’ planned West Coast recruiting trip, scheduled for next week, and told him prior to the game to come straight back to South Bend after the game. Weis knew he was done, we all knew he was done and watching him suffer on the sideline was not much fun. However, considering the smugness with which he treated everyone around him during his ND tenure, perhaps such a spectacle of suffering was in order. The most exciting game of the day took place in Moscow – Moscow, Idaho, that is. Utah State and Idaho staged a barn-burner that tallied 101 total points, 1,063 total yards of offense and thrills down to the last second. Utah State won 52-49, but it is Idaho that will be headed to a bowl game for the first time in forever after concluding a great 7-5 season. The scoring was nearly as plentiful in Houston, where the Houston Cougars were supposed to play the Rice Owls, except that no one told Rice about the game. Considering both teams are based in Houston, you’d think Rice would hear talk about the game at some point over the past week, but clearly not. If they had known, I’m sure they would have at least bothered to show up. As is, they were behind 59-0 at halftime, having surrendered 465 first-half yards to Houston. The final score was 73-14, but I’m assuming those were two pity touchdowns granted to Rice to make things more respectable. All in all, a great Saturday of college football and with only a handful of games left to play before bowl season, things are starting to fall into place………

- How about a good, uplifting story to brighten your weekend? No joke here, it’s actually a happy tale. A very special load of cargo arrived via plane at New York’s LaGuardia Airport Friday afternoon. On board were more than 50 dogs rescued from Missouri puppy mills, arriving in Long Island in the hope of finding loving homes. The flight was operated by Pet Airways, a non-profit organization that seeks to protect abused and neglected animals. The flight, dubbed "Operation Thanksgiving Day Flight to Freedom," (clearly Pet Airways is a very literal, unimaginative group), carried dogs ranging range in age from about four months to three years old from Chicago to New York, where they were taken to the North Shore Animal League in Port Washington and put up for adoption. "They're in great shape," said Dan Wiesel, founder of Pet Airways.. "They come from a traumatic experience. ... they don't know what's going on...but they've got 15 people hugging and kissing them." The trip to New York actually began on Thanksgiving Day, when the dogs were transported by bus to Chicago where they were given a rest break and fed special Thanksgiving meals. This particular group of dogs was rescued in large part because of an aggressive campaign launched last summer by the state of Missouri to probe and prosecute unlicensed dog breeders. The campaign paid off in September, when 100 dogs were reportedly removed from unlicensed puppy mill in mid-Missouri where they were living in filthy, unsavory conditions. Best Friends Animal Society partnered with Pet Airways to coordinate this week’s rescue mission and Wiesel said part of the airline's corporate responsibility is to find these pets new homes. "Whatever we can do to help with that cause is what we'll do," he said. See, I told you this was a good story and one that would brighten your weekend……..

- Beware world. The Chinese are looking to seize control of the space race and with more citizens to spare for the effort, let’s say that the odds aren’t exactly against everyone’s least-favorite Communists. The Chinese government announced Friday that it will launch a second lunar probe next October. The probe, named Chang'e-2, will orbit 60 miles closer to the moon than the nation's first probe, which launched in 2007. Chang-e-1 was an unmanned probe that conducted a 16-month mission before meeting its end when it struck the moon in a controlled crash in. Chang'e-2 marks the launch of the second phase of China's lunar exploration program. The third phase isn't schedule to commence until 2017, at which point China plans to send a spacecraft to collect samples on the moon. All of this comes on the heels of China becoming the third nation to put a person in orbit - astronaut Yang Liwei – when it followed the example of the United States and Russia. Yang was hailed as a national hero and five years later, Zhai Zhigang became the first Chinese to make a spacewalk. Now it’s impossible to say how successful these upcoming phases of the Chinese space program will be and if this is merely a front for China to find new markets for its toxic toys, toothpaste, food and drywall, but the point is that the space race has officially become a three-nation race and we here in the United States need to step our game up if we are going to remain the leaders in exploring outer space……..

- It’s official and although I might be the only person under the age of 50 who will admit this openly, I am pumped that group The Who will perform at the Super Bowl XLIV halftime show at Dolphins Stadium in Miami on Feb. 7. Pete Townshend and Roger Daltrey, the band's only remaining original members, will lead what should be a great halftime show for those who actually like good rock music, good songwriting and musical performances that don’t hinge on freaks in butt-ugly leather and vinyl outfits dancing like there are having epileptic seizures (i.e. if Britney Spears were performing). There will undoubtedly be renditions of classic Who tunes like “Baby O’Reilly,” “My Generation,” “I Can See for Miles” and “Magic Bus.” What’s amusing to me is that a band that is legendary for its drugs, sex and booze, rock ‘n’ roll ways and a member (Townshend) who has been convicted on child pornography charges is viewed by many as a conservative choice for the NFL. While performing a canned, sterile set at the Super Bowl isn't exactly the same as being one of the legendary acts to take the stage at Woodstock in 1969, it should be an interesting experience for The Who. I’d definitely put it ahead of a lame-tastic “honor” like being inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1990. Any time a hall of fame claims to have ties to rock and roll yet has the Mateiral Slut, Madonna, as one of its inductees, go ahead and assume that it has zero rock credibility. Needless to say, I’m much happier with this choice for halftime entertainment than with previous selections like Bruce Springsteen and the E Street band, Prince, Justin Timberlake, Janet Jackson and Spears. Typically I use halftime as a chance to go to the bathroom, get some snacks and do anything but watch the halftime show, but this year I might find a few minutes to watch The Who……..

- I don’t know who was responsible for tee-peeing the Colorado governor’s mansion Wednesday night, I just know that it’s freaking hilarious. Gov. Bill Ritter and First Lady Jeannie Ritter awoke Thursday morning to a sight that most of us have seen at one time or another in our own yard: streams of toilet paper dangling from every tree, bush and piece of decoration in sight. "I still have two kids at home that are teenagers," the governor said. "It could well be that they have been honored with being teepeed. It's very likely it involves high school students but we won't mention what their party affiliation might be." That certainly seems like the most likely explanation, but I’m hoping like heck that it’s not true. What could be better? If some disgruntled Colorado resident, ideally from hours away, decided that the best way to make his or her voice heard and to let the governor know what a terrible job he was doing was to go out and buy several family-size packs of TP, drive to Colorado and spend a few tense moments throwing the rolls back and forth through the tree at the governor’s mansion, hoping not to get caught. No word on whether the vandals also snapped off plastic forks in the front lawn, put shaving cream on door handles around the exterior of the house and covered the lawn in confetti, but if not, there’s an idea for not time around. No one is certain if this is the first time that the governor's mansion has been teepeed in its 101-year history. "I've got way too many high school kids coming in and out of here to think this is a political statement," Jeannie Ritter said. "Actually, political statements are made with a different kind of paper." The home, officially known as the Governor's Residence at Boettcher Mansion, has been the personal residence of every Colorado First Family since the early 1960's. Should you be looking to follow suit and decorate the front lawn with some Charmin of your own, it’s located at the corner of Logan and East 8th Avenue in Denver. Do what you will with that information, just make it interesting………

Another product for China to corrupt, big news for space dorks and Live Nation looking to squeeze you for even more money

- Oh good, another product for China to seize as a staple of its economy and ruin by ultimately finding a way to turn it into a toxic merchant of death. The next product to be corrupted by the world’s least-favorite Communists is none other than garlic. Demand for garlic is skyrocketing in China and according to statistics, the price of garlic in China has nearly quadrupled since March. Despite being one of the most pungent products known to man, garlic ranks ahead of gold and stocks as the country's best-performing asset this year. And why the hell is garlic so popular in China? Well, apparently some kooks there have gotten the idea that the potent bulb can ward off H1N1 swine flu. "I don't know about H1N1, but it can prevent ordinary colds," said Chinese resident Zhang Ping at a vegetable market in Beijing. "Take me. I've not had cold for many years and every year I buy several dozen pounds of garlic." I’m guessing that my man Z. Ping hasn’t gotten too much action in the love department of late, downing that much garlic. I also love the allegations that coal mine bosses are playing the garlic market, hoarding bulbs and hauling them between storehouses. Nothing like a nice conspiracy theory to liven up any story of a Communist country suddenly taking a liking to an odoriferous, noxious food seasoning. The demand for garlic is so steep in parts of Shandong province that the wholesale price of garlic is up as much as 40-fold. "Too much liquidity in any market can lead to speculation," analyst Jerry Lou. "The most recent evidence of asset speculation in China's commodity markets has been for garlic." It’s quite a reversal from last year, when garlic prices were extremely low. Many Chinese farmers decided that it was not worth planting the crop again, so when demand did increase this year, supply could not keep up with a pick-up in demand from home and abroad, sending prices sky-high. For those of you who are big into the seasoning-trading market and saw this one coming, props to you on the killing you are making on your garlic investments. For everyone else……based on our previous experience with toxic Chinese products – toothpaste, drywall, toys, etc. – let’s go ahead and meet our garlic demands with either good old-fashioned American garlic or at worst, Canadian garlic………

- Personally, I thought that Live Nation charged more than enough for its concerts to keep the company profitable and swimming in cash. Clearly, Live Nation does not agree. On Tuesday, the concert promoter announced a deal with Apple Inc's iTunes to feature downloads of some of the live concerts it promotes. The iTunes store will soon have a section featuring the concerts of about 20 artists. It’s not a great slection, to be honest, especially not when two of the artists to be included are Jesse McCartney and Ziggy Marley. But fear not, as Apple and Live Nation plan to add hundreds of more shows in the coming months. So perhaps you’re asking yourself, “Just how much do these two corporate giants plan to rip me off for?” I’m glad you asked. The answer is that prices will start at about $7.99, which I’m guessing will buy you the first half of your average Jesse McCartney concert. The concerts will mostly come from the more than 20,000 concerts Live Nation promotes each year. The Los Angeles-based company has inked licensing rights deals for live performances with major label owners and artists to enable a smooth launch of the service. Improved digital technology has made producing and distributing concert recordings online much easier and much cheaper. Financial terms of the new deal were not disclosed, but just assume that both Apple and Live Nation will be getting much, much richer by ripping you off at bloated prices and you won't be far off. Live Nation isn't exactly taking a huge risk with the endeavor as it is. The company already records most of the shows it produces, so they are merely making use of recordings that already exist and looking to turn an additional profit from concerts with ticket prices that are far too high to begin with. Ah, how I love the music business………

- The way the Notre Dame football team has been playing this season, someone clearly deserved to be punched in the face – just not quarterback Jimmy Clausen. Head coach Charlie Weis has surely deserved several well-placed jabs to the nose over the course of the year, but instead it was Clausen who was sporting a black eye after getting cold-cocked by a fan as he left C.J.'s Pub in South Bend at about 2 a.m. local time with his family and girlfriend after Notre Dame's 33-30 loss to UConn. Clausen’s group allegedly decided to leave the restaurant after words were exchanged with another party at the bar. Clausen's girlfriend realized she left her purse behind and behind the good boyfriend, he went back to retrieve it. That’s when the fan allegedly followed him back outside and sucker-punched him. Notre Dame officials have been adamant that Clausen did nothing wrong and as athletic director Jack Swarbrick insisted, Clausen was the "victim of a sucker punch. He was not engaged in a fight. He didn't throw any punches. He didn't directly engage the individual. He just got cold-cocked by somebody, and we're very disturbed by that." The police report backs up Swarbrick’s explanation that Clausen did not fight back and left. South Bend Police Capt. Phil Trent said police were called to the scene after receiving a report of a fight. By the time they arrived, everyone involved in the incident was gone. An employee at the bar confirmed that several Notre Dame upperclassmen were with Clausen at the bar Saturday and that off-duty South Bend police officers were working at the bar providing security, which is fairly common there. One thing Notre Dame fans might want to keep in mind is that punching guys in the face for no reason is not a good way to convince them to come back for their senior year when they are likely to be a top 10 pick in the NFL draft. Clausen is just that and I have to imagine that when it comes time to make his decision, he isn't going to think, “Man, I was undecided about what to do, but if random idiots are going to punch me in the face for no reason, I’m definitely coming back for my senior season!” I can’t say for sure what precipitated the punch, but reports that Clausen's family had sold its South Bend home certainly won't make angry fans less likely to bruise his face with their fists. Because of the black eye, Clausen has been sporting a black visor in the front of his helmet this week in practice, a wardrobe choice that Weis has previously not allowed his players to make. Just to be clear from here on out, Notre Dame fans, if you are going to unjustifiably punch someone in the face because of your team’s poor performance, make it Charlie Weis and leave Jimmy Clausen alone………..

- Who else is already tired of hearing about Michaele and Tareq Salahi? If the names are unfamiliar to you, the story is not. They are the two aspiring reality TV losers who crashed a White House this week. There is outrage at the Secret Service allowing two yahoos who were actually invited to a state dinner to attend. It’s not even true that the Salahis weren’t any more of a threat to President Obama than any of the other guests because they had to go through security just like everyone else, because they still could have a) been carrying some sort of toxin or poison or b) been scoping out the building and passing the information on to people with more sinister intentions. The reality is that they were not on the guest list and somehow managed to Jedi mind-trick the Secret Service into letting them in. Edward Donovan, a Secret Service spokesman, acknowledged the officers at the checkpoint involved in clearance for the state dinner for visiting Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh did not follow proper procedure when the Salahis arrived and it was determined they had not been invited. No one is saying why the White House social office, which has in-depth knowledge of all guests for such events, wasn’t called to the gate when it was determined that the Salahis weren’t on the guest list. As we’ve all become painfully aware, these ass hats actually met the president and got a little bit of face time with him. My true beef here is not with the lack of security at a major White House event; I’ve got issues with the role of reality TV in this debacle. Apparently the Bravo network is intent on dropping a show about past-their-prime, skanky cougars who drive expensive cars, live in lavish homes and have less class, dignity and self-respect than the buffet at a strip club into every city in the country. They’ve already touched up Los Angeles, Atlanta and New York. Now, they are bringing this train wreck to our nation’s capital and the Salahis are reportedly being considered for "Real Housewives of D.C.” These clowns even bragged about their success on their Facebook page. "Honored to be at the White House for the state dinner in honor of India with President Obama and our First Lady!" they wrote. See what reality TV does to our culture? It makes ass hats like the Salahis think that they are important, relevant and valued in our society. They get the mistaken impression that we give a rat’s ass about them and are fascinated by their ridiculous act. Bad news for you, Michaele and Tareq Salahi: You are not important, interesting or relevant. No one cares about you and our only interest in regards to your sorry asses is in mocking you incessantly………

- Here you go, space dorks. In what surely is a big development for you, scientists at NASA have discovered a nearly invisible ring around Saturn, large enough that it would take 1 billion Earths to fill it. Its orbit tilts tilted 27 degrees from the planet's main ring plane. The ring is extremely large, with its diameter is equivalent to 300 Saturns lined up side to side. Most of the ring starts about 3.7 million miles away from the planet and extends outward another 7.4 million miles. One of Saturn's moons, Phoebe, orbits within the ring. “This is one supersized ring," said Anne Verbiscer, an astronomer at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville. The obvious question is why it took so long to discover something so large and oddly enough, there is actually a perfectly reasonable explanation for it. The ring is made up of ice and dust particles that are so far apart that "if you were to stand in the ring, you wouldn't even know it," Verbiscer said in a statement. Plus, very little sunlight makes it out to Saturn, so there isn't much for the ice and dust particles to reflect. However, the cool dust (minus 316 degrees Fahrenheit) -- glows with thermal radiation and NASA's Spitzer Space Telescope picked up on the heat. The ring orbits in the opposite direction to Iapetus, another of Saturn's moons. I don’t expect this discovery to drum up as much interest and debate among space dorks as when it was decided that Pluto was no longer considered a planet, but I’m always happy to brighten the day of science and space dorks around the world any time a get a chance. So as I said previously, you’re welcome, space dorks………

Why I'm glad to see AI retire, Riot Watch! in Nicaragua and I have some rare theater insights

- Oh well. Some analysts and fans might be lamenting the decision of Allen Iverson to retire from the NBA, but not me. After the story broke late in the day Wednesday, I could not have been happier. This isn't to discount Iverson’s immense talents or the remarkable career he had. The guy was 6’0 standing on his tip-toes, yet his toughness, grit and heart of a lion made him an exciting, inspiring player and scoring champion. He was a mixture of street and heart, a guy who has done a lot of charitable work but always had that ghetto edge to him, so to speak. AI is best known for his “We talkin’ about practice” rant in which he railed against having to show up for practice and put in actual effort to be a team leader. His problems have come in the latter years of his career as his questionable attitude and diminishing skills have been contrasted against an absolute unwillingness to be anything but a starter and leading scorer for a team. After he was traded from Denver to Detroit last season and asked to come off the bench, AI reacted so poorly that he was ultimately asked to stay away from the team entirely while the Pistons made up a bogus back injury to justify his absence. He couldn’t stomach the idea that a team was better off with him coming off the bench and that inability or unwillingness to subjugate his own ego for the betterment of the team led to his being let go by the Pistons in the offseason and several months floating in basketball oblivion while zero teams lined up to sign him. In the end, Memphis bit the bullet and inked AI to a one-year deal in a futile attempt to sell tickets and merchandise for their perpetually terrible team. That attempt failed miserably and AI once again was a malcontent when asked to come off the bench. The Grizzlies released him after three games and after a brief flirtation with the New York Knicks that ended with the team electing not to sign Iverson because he didn’t fit into their rebuilding plans (ya think?), AI pulled the plug on his career. He issued a statement saying in part, "I feel strongly that I can still compete at the highest level." The statement also said Iverson has tremendous love for the game and the desire to play. Yes, AI, you do – as a BACKUP. You are no longer a viable starter, no longer the 10-time All-Star and scoring champion you once were. Just because you have a career average of 27.1 points, fifth all time in the NBA, doesn’t mean you can still perform at that level. "I always thought that when I left the game, it would be because I couldn't help my team the way that I was accustomed to," AI’s statement read. "However, that is not the case." True or not, the bottom line is that the blame for this possibly premature ending rests almost entirely with Allen Iverson and his absolute inability to accept his changing place in the world of basketball. If he were able to adjust to not being a high-scoring starter and embrace the idea of being instant offense off the bench, he would undoubtedly find a home and might still have a shot at that NBA title he has never won………

- What’s the price of having a year of your life wrongfully ripped from you by the legal system? For Ozem Goldwire of Brooklyn, that price is $340,000. That’s the amount the City of New York has agreed to pay Goldwire after he spent a year in jail for a crime he didn't commit. Goldwire, who is autistic, was sent to jail on charges that he murdered his sister in 2006. While no immediate explanation was given for how prosecutors ultimately decided Goldwire was innocent and that he should be released, it truly is secondary to having justice served. The judge presiding over the case described the circumstances as "the perfect storm for false confession," which I would have to concur with. Police had an easy mark: an autistic guy whom they could bully, intimidate and coerce. Goldwire’s attorneys argued that authorities pressured him into making a false confession after screaming, cursing and shoving him repeatedly. Additionally, he was accused of having sex with his sister. New York police detectives Nancy Malota, Christopher Scandole and Matthew Collin admit to no wrongdoing in the settlement, which is standard in these sorts of deals. No one, be it a civil case or criminal case, ever admits to having done anything wrong even as they are paying massive sums of money to settle the case. If you did nothing wrong, why are you paying so much as a dime? Attorney Gerald Allen - who filed suit against the city on behalf of Goldwire – called his client's imprisonment "a terrible, terrible injustice." What is certain is that Goldwire’s release does not come as a result of the real murderer (no, not the one O.J. Simpson is still looking for) being found. The murder of Goldwire’s sister remains unsolved. The lesson from this case is that as much as we would all like to believe that shady police work and interrogation techniques are no longer prevalent in the world, there are still detectives like Malota, Scandole and Collin, who will grill an autistic man for 21 hours in connection with the murder of his sister and tell him he won't be released until he confesses to the crime. Always good to have my faith in something – anything – reaffirmed in such an emphatic manner, detectives…………

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! It has been far too long, Nicaragua, so I could not be happier to be back talking about angry social dissidents taking it to the streets in your capital of Managua. Seeing tens of thousands of people out in the streets of Managua making their voice heard was a freaking inspiration. "The only way for the government to change, as it has been shown in all these years, is for the people to go to the streets," said Dora Maria Tellez, a wise woman who was a main figure in President Daniel Ortega's government during the 1980s but who now leads an opposition party. "There is no other way," she said at the protests. The one downside of the protests is that they were mostly peaceful – that’s a disappointment. The majority of the protestors were expressing general outrage against their government, especially against Ortega's bid for re-election and the anniversary of last year's municipal elections, which the president's leftist Sandinista National Liberation Front party overwhelmingly won amid rampant allegations of fraud. The election saw the Sandinista party win mayoral races in 94 municipalities, but voting irregularities abounded even as the government refused to allow foreign and local monitors to do their jobs. The results were extremely delayed and there were major discrepancies between results certified by election officials and the tallies released on television. Additional fuel was added to the anti-government fire on October 19, when the country's supreme court lifted a constitutional ban on consecutive presidential terms, clearing the way for Ortega to run in 2011. The United States did its part to fan the flames last month when the State Department issued in a statement saying that it was concerned about the "manner in which the Constitutional Chamber of the Nicaraguan Supreme Court reached a decision on October 19 regarding re-election for Nicaraguan officials, including the President." Ortega’s supporters are attempting to argue that the government is acting on behalf of the people. That’s a nice sentiment, even if it is a total lie. Were it true, that would be sweet, but of course we all know that it’s 100 percent false. Because it’s clearly a lie, I am going to encourage the thousands of proud Nicaraguans who demonstrated on Saturday to continue taking it to the streets and next time out, let’s try to burn a few vehicles, overturn some police cars and do some substantial damaging of property………

- Happy Thanksgiving to Greg and Diane Horoski of East Patchogue, N.Y. The holiday is an especially meaningful one for the Horoski family after a Suffolk County judge wiped out the $525,000 that the Horoski’s supposedly owed OneWest Bank. Judge Jeffrey Spinner brought a decisive end to a mortgage battle in which the Horoski’s fell behind on their mortgage payments because of health problems and an interest rate change. They claimed in court that they tried repeatedly to restructure their loan, but that the bank would not cooperate. Instead, they received a foreclosure note from the bank. Not willing to lose their home without a fight, Greg and Diane Horoski went to court and found a sympathetic ear in Judge Spinner, who referred to the bank's actions as "harsh, repugnant, shocking and repulsive." He freed the Horoski's of $291,000 in principal and $235,000 in interest and penalties, but Spinner’s main focus appeared to be tearing the bank a new one for refusing to work with the couple in their attempts to refinance. In his ruling, the judge stated that said the bank "must be appropriately sanctioned so as to deter it from imposing further mortifying abuse." As you would expect, the bank issued a terse and pithy reply to the verdict, saying, "We respectfully disagree with the lower court's unprecedented ruling and we expect that it will be overturned on appeal." In other words, we’re still hopeful that we will have a chance to absolutely dick over this family and throw them out of their home, preferably the day before Christmas so as to inflict maximum pain, suffering and emotional distress. Of course, OneWest may have had a better chance to win the case had they not misled the judge about the dollar amounts at stake in the case, which Spinner claims they did. Lying to the judge is generally not a sound legal strategy, OneWest bank attorneys. I wish I could say better luck to you next time around, but I’m not in the habit of saying things I clearly don’t mean………

- For those of you who have been wondering why I never write about theater-related topics in this space (mostly because I have zero interest in it), here you go. If you have been wanting to see the popular play Superior Donuts, a Broadway comedy by Pulitzer-winning playwright Tracy Letts, now would be a great time to do so. The show’s producers announced that it will close on Jan. 3, meaning you have just over a month to get to Broadway’s Music Box Theatre for a performance. that’s where Super Donuts opened in new York on Sept. 30 after originating at Chicago’s famed Steppenwolf. Oddly enough, the show is actually about exactly what its title implies: doughnuts. It stars Spinal Tap veteran Michael McKean as the hippie proprietor of a decrepit doughnut shop in uptown Chicago. Reviews have been strong so far, although I’m trusting entirely in the opinions of those who actually know something about the theater on this one because as previously stated, I know nothing about the theater and have no interest in learning, as my general belief is that people do not typically break out into song or use song as their primary means of everyday communication, thus rendering musicals completely unrealistic and uninteresting………

Crusading against toxic Chinese drywall, idiot basketball fans get new ammo and I am further let down by American music fans

- Booyah! It’s time for us to take another run at China and I could not be more thrilled. The crusade against toxic Chinese-made products is nothing new, nor is the fight against deadly Chinese drywall. We’ve traveled this road before, but the difference now is that our own government is stepping up to vouch for the link between Chinese drywall and toxic effects reported by thousands of U.S. homeowners. That case was strengthened Monday by three preliminary reports issued by the federal government. One of the studies examined air sampled inside dozens of homes containing drywall made in China. "While the study of 51 homes detected hydrogen sulfide and formaldehyde ... at concentrations below irritant levels, it is possible that the additive or synergistic effects of these and other compounds in the subject homes could cause irritant effects," the Consumer Product Safety Commission said in its executive summary of the study. Not exactly the slam-dunk condemnation I was looking for, but I’ll take it. The other two studies found copper, which was imported from 2005 through 2007. A series of hurricanes slammed the southern portion of the country and building materials were in short supply. The toxic drywall has generated nearly 2,100 reports from 32 states -- mostly from Florida, Louisiana and Virginia -- of homeowners complaining of a rotten-egg smell, sickness, failed appliances, and corroded wires and pipes. The smell and decay have been so bad that many homeowners have moved out of their homes. In these studies, air quality from inside 10 homes in the same geographical areas whose homeowners had not complained were compared with those who had and the result was that in the 41 homes containing the problem drywall, there was a "strong association" between the high levels of hydrogen sulfide and the corrosion of the metals.” The report also stated that although the study was “not intended to examine health effects, we can say that the levels of the pollutants we found, particularly the hydrogen sulfide and formaldehyde, could possibly contribute to some of the health problems that have been reported to the CPSC.” Now, the CPSC must find a way to determine which homes have the toxic drywall and figure out how to fix them. Another aspect of the problem is disposing of hundreds of thousands of suspect boards that have been stockpiled in warehouses. Their owners have been told it will not be sold, but now the question of what to do with the boards persists. Additionally, CPSC representatives traveled to China several weeks ago to visit mines, factories and government officials to determine the scope of the problem. Just to be safe, let’s go ahead and assume that every product coming from China, drywall or otherwise, is somehow toxic and dangerous, k…………

- This is not a good thing. One of the banes of my sports existence is sycophantic, idiot fans who vehemently believe that the refs are out to get their team, that they are getting the short end of every foul or penalty call and that their team is getting screwed out of a win by the officials. A big “thanks for nothing” goes out to David Pierce of Ball State and Kyle Anderson, a visiting professor at Indiana University's Kelley School of Business, two tools from academia who released the results of a study this week showing that college basketball referees are biased in favor of home teams. The study supposedly looked at 365 college games during the 2004-05 season and found that referees are big on "make-up" calls, they make more calls against teams in the lead - especially if the game is on national TV - and they have a noticeable tendency for keeping the foul count even. A prime example cited by the study is the 2005 Final Four meeting between Illinois and Louisville. The Illini were whistled for the first seven fouls but by the end of the game, the foul count was Louisville 13, Illinois 12 and the Illini won 72-57. Nearly every major conference was included in the study, as were all 63 NCAA tournament games. Based on the results, coaches would seem to be well-advised to encourage their team to be as physical as possible because in the end, officials will (allegedly) find a way to even things out. "Part of the reason for the study came from something my coach used to tell me," Anderson. "He said a team can come in and push and shove and grab and hold, and by the end of the game, or end of the half, they've only got one or two more fouls because officials kind of get tired of calling it." Findings from the study were published in The Journal of Sports Sciences earlier this year, with the noteworthy points:

• The probability of a foul being called on the visiting team was 7 percent higher than on the home team.

• When the home team is leading, the probability of the next foul being called on them was about 6.3 percentage points higher than when the home team was trailing. The professors also cited an earlier study that concluded there were more calls against teams ahead in games on national TV versus those ahead in locally televised games. Calling fouls against the leading team tends to keep games closer, the studies said.

• The bigger the difference in fouls between the two teams playing, the more likely it was that the next call would come against the team with fewer fouls.

When asked about the findings, one retired official didn’t exactly debunk the theory that officials are less than impartial. "There's something to it," said Irv Brown, a former official who worked six Final Fours and was supervisor of officials for the Western Athletic and Big Sky conferences. "If you're looking at the board and one team has a lot more fouls, you probably look a little harder to do something, subconsciously." However, Anderson did speak with many referees as part of his research and according to him, the majority said "you're crazy. We don't do this." The only consolation for officials in this mess is that Anderson and Pierce made a point of saying that the tendencies they describe are not intentional. They are subconscious and not purposeful attempts to influence the game. Yeah, thanks for that. Fans who glom onto this study and use it to feed their erroneous beliefs about their team getting screwed by the refs don’t care whether it’s conscious or not………

- Are you freaking kidding me, America? My expectations for the type of music you all will embrace have been significantly lowered the past few years based on the fact that so many of you are musical morons who will embrace damn near anything if a record label will put it out and tell you it’s good. However, the news I’m about to share astounds and disappoints me even with those lowered expectations. The freak show that is Susan Boyle – she of the some lame-tastic reality karaoke show I don’t know – has released her album "I Dreamed A Dream" and music retailers are reporting that the album is already exceeding expectations both in stores and online. In fact, Boyle is poised to deliver a beatdown to this year's top debut-week seller, Eminem's "Relapse." Yes, some FAT karaoke singer from abroad is poised to knock off one of the best in the hip-hop game in his own country. Eminem’s album sold 608,000 units in the week ending May 24, which also represents the best overall sales week for an album this year. The possibility that Boyle’s crap-tastic karaoke collection could out-sell that number is disappointing at best and offensive at worst. The only thing that could make is any worse is…..yup, the news that another karaoke-er, former American Karaoke contestant and Liberace in training Adam Lambert’s "For Your Entertainment" is also outperforming sales expectations and is projected to move about 225,000 units in its first week. Never has an album title been so inappropriate, because I am damn sure that there is nothing entertaining about what has to be one of the worst albums in this or any year. Pop music sucks and few people embody that more than Boyle and Lambert…..unless, of course, it’s that costumed freak Lady Gaga. Her current triad of crappy pop music projects - "The Fame Monster" deluxe edition, "The Fame" original version, and "The Fame Monster" EP - could sell as many as 350,000 units by week’s end. Taken together, these three pieces of musical news are as disappointing as any I’ve heard in a long time and are nearly enough to ruin my Thanksgiving. But I can look at great recent releases by bands like Jet, the Elms, Mute Math, Switchfoot, the Mountain Goats, Jay-Z and Phillip LaRue………

- Prepare for a rare sight, New Zealand. The Kiwis could soon be seeing the first of more than 100 icebergs that were first spotted off the coast of Macquarie Island, an Australian territory around 900 miles south east of Tasmania, visitors from Antarctica that are extremely rare. The first of the icebergs are now thought to be only 200 miles away from New Zealand's south coast. It’s only the second time in 78 years that large Antarctic icebergs have been sighted so far north, with the previous occurrence coming in late 2006 when icebergs could be seen from the eastern coast of New Zealand's South Island. The National Institute of Water and Atmospheric Research (NIWA – not legendary rappers NWA, sadly) is tracking the icebergs by satellite and reports that the largest one is thought to be 1,640 feet wide, 164 feet tall and with a total thickness of 1,148 feet. In total, there are an estimated 100 main icebergs heading for New Zealand and possibly hundreds of smaller ones that could form around them as they break up. As passengers on the Titanic found out the hard way, only around 10 percent of an iceberg is visible above the water level, thus the danger to watercraft. Maritime New Zealand has already issued an alert to shipping in the area, alerting the many deep-sea fishing fleets, cruise ships and cargo freighters that regularly travel in the area. "While the size of the icebergs has attracted a lot of attention, it is not unusual for icebergs to be found in these waters," a spokesperson for Maritime New Zealand explained. The current crop of icebergs are believed to have come off the Ross Ice shelf between 2000 and 2002, the same period that produced the 2006 icebergs. So why are these icebergs just now making their way north? One theory is that a cold snap a few years ago in Antarctica that caused more ice than usual and the outer regions of that ice snap off each summer. The other obvious idea would be to blame it on global warming, which is apparently the cause of every environmental problem these days. Either way, the NIWA estimates that the bigger icebergs will last between six and eight weeks depending on where they go, but will ultimately melt in the warmer waters around New Zealand. Should you be boating off the south coast of New Zealand in the next few weeks, keep this in mind and take the necessary precautions……….

- Score another one for oppression in China. Huang Qi, a Chinese blogger who had the audacity to help victims of a devastating earthquake has been sentenced to three years in prison, the maximum sentence for "illegally holding secret state documents." His attorney, Mo Shaoping, confirmed the sentence, which came even after the U.S. State Department protested the Huang’s jailing, saying his activities support China's efforts to institute the rule of law. Huang was initially detained in June 2008 after working to help families of children killed in the May 12, 2008, Sichuan earthquake. His crime, it seems, was founding and operating f the human rights Web site 64Tianwang, on which he posted articles criticizing the way the earthquake relief was being organized. "The reports we are seeing are biased," he wrote on May 20, 2008. "In reality, it is very difficult for NGOs to deliver food aid. They are obliged to go through government channels. The government is using its propaganda to portray itself as a savior to little avail. Few citizens trust the government because of the corruptions scandals that already occurred during similar disasters in the past." How are he write such heinous lies, right? The Communist a-holes running the Chinese government charged him with illegal possession of state secrets after posting the appeals and complaints of the families. Officials said they found two municipal documents in his house, which is a dubious claim at best from this regime. Huang’s sham of a trial took place secretly in August, despite the vociferous objections of Amnesty International. This is not his first stint in prison, as Huang previously spent five years in prison following a June 2000 arrest on the eve of the 11th anniversary of the bloody crackdown on demonstrators in Tinananmen Square. In that incident, he was charged with subversion for posting articles about the incident by exiled dissidents on his Web site. For what it’s worth (nothing), Huang plans to appeal the sentencing by the Chengdu Wuhou District Court, Mo said. Assuming that the bogus case against him is upheld by The Man, he is scheduled to be released in June 2011, three years after authorities arrested him. Thanks for showing that your constant oppression and unfairness is something we can always count on, Chinese government………

Sarcastic praise for the Sri Lankan government, the latest Denver Broncos collapse and why Facebook is still a dangerous weapon for morons

- Big ups to you, Sri Lankan government. You finally got around to lifting restrictions on thousands of war-displaced ethnic Tamils still residing in squalid internment camps, good for you. That’s the sort of thing you should really make a point of addressing much more quickly than the tools running Sri Lanka did. When more than 300,000 people are displaced by fighting between the government and a rebel group (in this case, the Tamil Tiger rebels) and shuffled off to a heavily guarded, rural camp called Menik Farm near the northern town of Vavuniya, it’s generally best not to let them just waste away there. Conditions at the camp are reportedly abysmal at best, with some residents known to live in tents no larger than 8 square feet, sheltered from the elements only by plastic sheeting. Observers have labeled the conditions overcrowded and inhumane and suggested that the government's treatment of the Tamil people is akin to unspoken retribution. Nearly 60 percent of the refugees will either be released in the next few days or have already been set free. The remaining 130,000 will be free to leave on December 1, with the government promising to resettle the refugees by the end of January. The United Nations and other human rights groups of complained that the Tamils, who comprise about 13 percent of Sri Lanka's 20.5 million people, are being forcibly held at the camp in the aforementioned terrible conditions without justification. The government would have everyone believe that they are better off in the camp because many of them are from the Wanni region, which was heavily mined during the war and is still being cleared. Government officials are also trying to justify their actions by throwing out a ridiculous theory that the camp’s residents must be carefully screened before release to ensure that rebels were not hiding among them. News of the prisoner release (and make no mistake, these people are prisoners) not-so-coincidentally came just one day before the president is scheduled to issue a proclamation calling for new elections. President Mahinda Rajapaksa won the 2005 presidential election after Tamil rebels forbade voters in their areas to cast ballots in an election. If they are allowed to vote this time around, you can bet that the Tamil people could carry significant influence on the election’s outcome. I just have a hard time seeing these people voting for the current government after its shameful treatment of them, which is probably a good thing…………

- You’re not helping America’s cokeheads, Drug Enforcement Administration, you’re hurting them and you shouldn’t be arresting more than a dozen members of one of Mexico’s most notorious drug cartels, man. After these hard-working cartel members went to tall the effort to set up up a cocaine "command and control" center in Chicago, the DEA decided that they would look to shoot those efforts to hell by securing indictments against these 15 entrepreneurs and looking to shut down their operation. Friday a federal grand jury in Chicago issued indictments for 15 defendants, alleging that they are in business with La Familia Michoacana. This supposed operation was to distribute multi-thousand kilo quantities for the cartel and collect tens of millions of dollars in Chicago from cocaine sales. According to officials from the U.S. Attorney's office in Chicago, the DEA seized approximately 250 kilograms of cocaine and $8 million in cash from homes in suburban neighborhoods, including Berwyn, Bolingbrook, Oak Lawn, Hickory Hills, Joliet and Justice. The multi-agency investigation that led to these indictments began in 2007 under the heading of Project Coronado. Its singular focus was La Familia's distribution network throughout the United States. just last month, Project Coronado resulted in federal charges against more than 300 defendants in 19 states. For the drug-cartel uneducated, the La Familia cartel is based in the state of Michoacan, in southwestern Mexico. The cartel is accused of importing mass quantities of cocaine from Mexico into the United States, supplying the wants of friendly neighborhood cokeheads around the U.S. All 15 of the defendants indicted and charged by the grand jury face charges of conspiracy to possess and distribute multi-kilogram quantities of cocaine. Five other alleged participants in the conspiracy were charged previously, so the total number of (alleged) cartel members facing criminal charges now rests at 20. What does this mean for the average, recession-impacted cokehead on the street? That’s difficult to say, but I’m certain that this isn't going to bring down the price of an eight-ball of coke or a dime bag……….

- Here we go, yet more proof that Facebook is a freaking weapon of death in the hands of idiots who don’t know how to properly use it. Meet Nathalie Blanchard, a Canadian woman on long-term sick leave for depression who lost her benefits because her insurance agent found photos of her on Facebook in which she appeared to be having fun. Blanchard, who lives in Bromont, Quebec, was diagnosed with major depression and was receiving monthly sick-leave benefits from insurance giant Manulife while on leave from IBM. For some odd reason, her insurance agent was able to access her Facebook page and found several pictures Blanchard posted on Facebook, including ones showing her having a good time at a Chippendales bar show, at her birthday party and on a sun holiday. Let me stop right here, because this is what I’m referring to when I speak about idiots who don’t know how to use Facebook. One of two things happened here: 1) Blanchard made the indefensible choice of having her insurance agent as a friend on Facebook or 2) she’s a tool who doenst know how to set the security controls on her Facebook account in order to prevent anyone but her friends from looking at her pictures and videos. The first option is terrible because who the hell is Facebook friends with their insurance agent? Are insurance agents the sort of people you regularly hang out with, play beer pong with, go golfing with or watch football with on Sunday afternoons? Don’t freaking friend your insurance agent on Facebook, y’all. Now, if the second option is what happened (and I’d say it’s more likely), then Blanchard is simply a moron who deserves whatever she gets. In case anyone doesn’t know, it’s very easy to set the privacy controls on your Facebook account to prevent anyone but your friends from viewing your Facebook page, pictures, videos and information. Literally, it takes less than a minute and it can prevent things like losing your insurance benefits because you’re supposedly suffering from depression and were photographed at a Chippendales show at a local bar. You can go to those sorts of events, just make sure that you aren’t photographed or that the pictures don’t show up on a Facebook page where anyone can find them. Insurance companies are looking for any and every chance to deny coverage and rip your benefits, so if they have to go on social networking sites to find the proof they need, they will do it. That’s how Manulife was able to rip Blanchard’s benefits, with payments stopping this fall. When she called Manulife, Blanchard says she was told she was available to work because of Facebook. She has retained an attorney and that attorney is arguing that Blanchard merely followed her doctor’s advice to try to have fun, including nights out at her local bar with friends and short getaways to sun destinations, as a way to forget her problems. To be fair to Manulife, the company claims it would never deny or terminate a claim solely based on information published on Web sites such as Facebook. This is a situation where there are no real winners; Blanchard is a brain-dead idiot who is either careless or clueless and thus totally unsympathetic and Manulife is simply another corporate giant looking to pad its bottom line by any means possible………

- Here it is, everyone! The “must have” Christmas item that you can wait in line hours on end for, brawl with other shoppers over and possibly go to jail for after you violently assault another parent for the last one on the shelf on Christmas Eve. It’s the Zhu Zhu Peta fuzzy, robotic hamster that have been selling out across the country just as quickly as stores can stock them. Shoppers looking for the furry robots at the Times Square Toys R Us in Manhattan on a recent Wednesday found the shelves devoid of Zhu Zhu Pets and were informed that the store would have no more until the next shipment arrived Friday. Wal-Mart and Target stores across the country are also sold out of the toys and the National Retail Federation recently listed Zhu Zhu among the top 10 holiday toys. Of course, some shoppers are undoubtedly buying the toys for the purpose of reselling them on eBay for prices as high as $100. The company behind the mechanized rodents is Cepia, a small, St. Louis-based founded by Russell Hornsby, 56, who got his start in the toy industry as a designer for Mattel 35 years ago. His inspiration for the toys was apparently watching hundreds of hours of video of live hamsters on YouTube. Should you be able to find one on the shelves of a local toy store, the cost is a mere $9.99 apiece. The Zhu Zhu Pets even have names, albeit idiotic names like Mr. Squiggles and Pipsqueak. They wiggle their noses and actually move just like real hamsters, which is facilitated by molded plastic -- called bump codes – that line the underside of each hamster to prevent the furry creatures from repeating the same moves over and over again. "What makes them so great is that they are unpredictable," says Hornsby’s daughter Natalie, who heads Cepia's marketing department. In spite of their current run of success, Russell Hornsby had an incredibly difficult fight convincing any toy retailers to sell them in stores. After creating his first prototype in early 2008, he wasn’t able to find a taker until a couple months ago, when he convinced Toys R Us to test-market Zhu in a handful of Phoenix stores. All the Zhu Zhus sold out in two weeks, spurring the Toys R Us to order as many Zhu Zhu Pets as Hornsby could churn out. That turned out to be both a blessing and an immense challenge for Hornsby, who was forced to hit up family members, including his oldest daughter and wife, to raise more money so he could produce enough Zhu Zhu Pets to satisfy demand. Now, Cepia has 16 employees and expects to sell as many as 10 million hamsters this year. A little something to remember as you wait in line for one on Black Friday and prepare to brawl with other shoppers over the last Mr. Squiggles……….

- Two words for you, Denver Broncos fans, on your team’s annual collapse that has manifested itself much earlier than normal this season: Uh-oh! At least last year, the Broncos gave the illusion that they would make the playoffs and possibly even win their division right up until the final weeks of the season. This year, they are foregoing ripping out their fans’ hearts with a late-season choke job and instead frittering away a seemingly insurmountable division lead in the AFC West before the calendar even hits December. After firing out of the gate 6-0, beating four playoff teams and stunning everyone around the NFL, the Broncos have summarily dropped four in a row, including a 32-3 pummeling Sunday at home to AFC West rival San Diego that handed control of the division to the Chargers. All four of the losses have been by double digits, with the average margin of defeat a meaty 20 points. A defense that was incredibly stout in the first six games has given up at least 27 points per game the last four weeks, while the offense has been plagued by the injury problems of quarterback Kyle Orton, Orton’s noodle arm that prevents him from throwing downfield too much and a suddenly shrinking running game. They’ve lost at home (twice) and they’ve lost on the road (twice). Sadly, many observers and fans never bought into the new-look Broncos and were merely biding time, waiting for this collapse. Most in the football world never got a chance to enjoy the possible reinvention of the team because they had ample evidence that it wouldn’t last. Those doomsday predictions have proven true and now that they are a game behind the Chargers in the division and in a crowded wild-card battle with a slew of other teams, the season could well be a lost cause in Denver. There may be a new coach (the previously crowned genius, Josh McDaniels), a new quarterback (Orton in lieu of the departed Jay Cutler) and a roster with dozens of new faces, but to everyone who even casually follows football, they are, at the core, the same old Broncos………