- Congratulations, Detroit! Normally congratulating a city when one of its sports teams leaves town would be a completely inappropriate thing, but that line of thinking just doesn’t hold true when the team picking up stakes and vacating the premises is a WNBA franchise. WNBA franchises are the dandelions of professional sports in many ways. For one, like dandelions, WNBA uniforms are often brightly colored and easy to see. Also, like dandelions, WNBA teams are the weeds in the sports lawn of your city that you just can’t seem to get rid of no matter how hard you try. You really have to dig down deep into the dirt, rip the thing out by the roots and kill it. And lastly, like dandelions, WNBA franchises serve no useful purpose and are basically a hassle you want to be rid of. So while the economic landscape in Detroit remains bleak and the people of the city continue to battle valiantly through this incredibly difficult time, the city’s baseball team completed an historically huge choke job to miss the playoffs and its NFL team is 1-5 coming off of the first 0-16 season in NFL history in 2008, at least residents of Detroit can rejoice in the knowledge that they will be rid of the WNBA’s Detroit Shock, effective immediately. From what I’m told, the WNBA just ended recently and I take that as fact because I had no idea it was going on all, so the departure won’t be fully felt until whenever the WNBA season starts in 2010. The Shock will be moving to the thriving basketball hotbed of Tulsa, Okla., so needless to say the people of Tulsa have my deepest sympathies. For some odd reason, the team official who leaked news of the move did so on the condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to make the announcement. Why anyone gives a rat’s ass, I don’t know. It is the WNBA we’re talking about, after all. Detroit fans may not have a championship team to throw a parade for this year, but the exodus of their unloved WNBA franchise is something they could absolutely march through the streets to celebrate. Times certainly remain tough for you, Detroit, and thoughts and prayers go out to all of you as you struggle to stay afloat financially, but take solace in the fact that for one day at least, one of your (soon-to-be-former) sports teams has given you a reason to rejoice…………
- Because I am the omnipresent friend of the stoner no matter his or her age, race or socioeconomic status, this next story makes me very, very happy. The Justice Department sent out a memo to federal prosecutors Monday informing them that pot-smoking patients and their sanctioned suppliers should not be targeted for federal prosecution in states that allow medical marijuana. As any god bureaucratic entity would do, the JD sent out a three-page legal memo to explain the new policy. The memo stated that federal prosecutors are being told it is not a good use of their time to arrest people who use or provide medical marijuana in strict compliance with state law. Ya think? Stop persecuting people who like to burn the hippie lettuce for a justified purpose. Now my preference would be that you just stop persecuting (and prosecuting) stoners all together, but that’s probably too much for the Justice Department to digest. After all, in this same memo, they JD make its clear that federal agents will go after people whose marijuana distribution goes beyond what is permitted under state law or use medical marijuana as a cover for other crimes. So where is this new approach coming from? Not surprisingly, it comes as the Obama administration looks to impose its standards and wipe out the idiotic policies of the W. administration, which insisted it would continue to enforce federal anti-pot laws regardless of state codes. "It will not be a priority to use federal resources to prosecute patients with serious illnesses or their caregivers who are complying with state laws on medical marijuana, but we will not tolerate drug traffickers who hide behind claims of compliance with state law to mask activities that are clearly illegal," Attorney General Eric Holder said in a statement. Fourteen states currently allow use of marijuana for medical purposes: Alaska, California, Colorado, Hawaii, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Mexico, Oregon, Rhode Island, Vermont and Washington. For the other 36 stats…..what are you waiting for? Preferably, every state would follow the example set by California, with its strong presence of businesses that sell marijuana and even advertise their services. Colorado, Rhode Island and New Mexico are the only states currently following that example, which is sad. The new policy is being hailed as a “major step forward" by pot advocacy groups like the Marijuana Policy Project. These groups are the heroes out there lobbying for the total decriminalization of the hippie lettuce and they aren’t going to put down their Cheetos, Planet Earth DVDs and bongs until every state and government stops hassling potheads for just looking to roll a fattie, kick back and get high. Fight on stoners, fight on……….
- I’ve seen exactly zero of the five Saw films to this point. Horror movies in general are not a favorite genre of mine, but I’ll make exceptions for horror flicks that are well-written, smart and creative. For trite, clichéd, predictable horror movies that are simply about the blood and gore, I have neither the time nor the interest. That being said, I have found something I like a whole lot about Saw as we approach the release of Saw VI Friday. For the sixth straight year, a Halloween blood drive is coinciding with the release of a Saw movie. The first such effort occurred in 2004 and since then, fans have donated enough blood to save more than 350,000 lives, according to the movie's website. Lionsgate, the production company for the Saw franchise, and the American Red Cross are partnering up for the blood drive. Despite my aversion to blood and needles and thus my policy of maintaining a safe distance from blood drives at all times, this is a project I definitely support. For all the fake blood spilled on screen in Saw movies, it’s good that these movies provide a rallying point for people to roll up their sleeves, lie down on a table and give blood for those who need it. The blood drive continues through the first week of the film's release and if you’re looking for a blood drive in your area, visit the movie’s website for more information……….
- You don’t need to know football to know that Cleveland Browns coach Eric Mangini is not a good coach and that he’s done a terrible job since arriving in Cleveland prior to this season. Even Rolling Stone is taking a moment off from writing about overblown, overrated, mainstream music artists to take shots at the cherubic Browns head man. In its latest issue, the magazine compared Mangini him to Augustus Gloop, the FAT, overeating character in Roald Dahl's "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" and calling his short coaching tenure in Cleveland "a sort of Hurricane Andrew of football mismanagement." Now I’ve never thought of Hurricane Andrew as the preeminent hurricane in terms of wreaking havoc and turning things into a mess in the shortest amount of time possible, but let’s not quibble with the selection of hurricane for this particular metaphor. The fact is that Rolling Stone is absolutely correct and their being on point in ripping Mangini only underscores how terrible of a coach he has been in Cleveland. People whose business has nothing to do with football and who likely aren’t any more knowledgeable about the sport than the average fan are able to look at Mangini’s tenure in C-town and realize what a train wreck it has been. But that’ll happen when you come in to a new place, bring in more than a half-dozen mediocre players from the mediocre team that just fired you upon your arrival, proceed to make not one, but two lopsided trades with that former team, turn your new professional home into a no-fun zone with an overload of inane rules and restrictions and go 1-5 to start the season. In truth, the Browns should be 0-6 by this point. Their butt-ugly 6-3 victory over the Buffalo Bills on Oct. 11 barely counts as a win and is less worthy of a “W” than any other instance in NFL history when one team has put more points on the scoreboard than its opponent. Mangini has trouble figuring out who his quarterback is, he has trouble keeping his players from brawling in the locker room and he and his coaching staff have trouble putting together a game plan on either side of the ball. Even Rolling Stone can see that and for that reason, I continue to believe that firing this tool after only one season is still a smart, viable option for the Browns……….
- Freaking pirates of the world, you are pumping me up! The world is lining up against you and organizing international coalitions to shut you down and still you bounce back. According to the International Maritime Bureau, which monitors shipping crimes, the first nine months of this year has seen more pirate attacks than all of last year. As you might suspect, the chief contributors to this trend have been my boys, the Somali pirates. They’ve been responsible for more than half of those attacks, according to the IMB. "The increased activity in Somalia is the major reason for the spike," said Cyrus Mody, manager of the IMB. From January 1 until September 30, there were a whopping 306 pirate attacks, surpassing the 293 recorded in all of 2008. Of those 306 attacks, Somali pirates can take credit for a hearty 54 percent (168 attacks). The principal area of danger on the high seas continues to be off the east coast of Somalia and in the Gulf of Aden, a major shipping route between Yemen and Somalia. Pirates in this area have successfully hijacked 32 vessels and taken 533 hostages so far this year. The Somali government has failed miserably in shutting down the pirates operating off of its coast even though many of them are based in its port cities. In response to this failure, the United States and other world powers have been forming their own nautical posses and attempting to stamp out piracy lest their bottom lines take further hits. I think it’s about time people come correct and show mis amigos, the pirates of the world, the proper respect. Yes, they are no longer exact replicas of the characters that movies and TV shows like to portray when it comes top pirates, but the same pirate-y spirit lives on and that’s what truly matters. They still like rum, they can still make people walk the plank and if you run afoul of them, they will still shiver your timbers, matey. It’s simply that they now do so using night-vision goggles, rocket launchers and global positioning devices. Global commerce means that more of the world's fuels, minerals and other crucial commodities travel by ship and that presents tremendous opportunities for these pirates. Not every country has the means to secure its shorelines, so pirates have a field day in such countries. When good pirates can earn up to $40,000 a year with the ransoms they collect, there is no way you’re going to completely shut them down. Critics argue that paying these ransoms only emboldens other pirates and makes the problem worse, but it’s all a matter of perspective. Aside from Somalia, other trouble areas this year were waters off Nigeria, with 20 attacks; Malaysia with 14; and Bangladesh with 12. For pirates in other parts of the world, I’ve got four words for each and every one of you: Step your game up……………
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