- Punters are people too….they’re just not football players,
according to the NFL. As per the league’s head of officiating, the inimitable Dean Blandino, punters are less actual football player and more
casual, helpless bystander who needs protected from the big, bad men running
around in pads on the field. Blandino, making his weekly appearance on the
league official mouthpiece/cash factory/TV network, made the declaration that
punters are in fact glorified observers of actual football. In a stint on NFL Network,
Blandino explained that punters are "defenseless throughout the down"
in reference to the vicious hit by Pittsburgh Steelers linebacker Terence
Garvin on Cincinnati Bengals punter Kevin Huber during an Antonio Brown
touchdown return on Sunday. Garvin obliterated Huber during the return, leavung
Huber with a broken jaw and cracked vertebrae. No flag was thrown, but Blandino
said there should have been. That’s why Garvin was fined $25,000 for the hit
Wednesday and yet, at least on punter has a major problem with all of this.
Indianapolis Colts punter Pat McAfee said during a radio interview that he
takes offense to Blandino’s remarks and believes the designation of punters as
defenseless players is a setback for players at his position. “This defenseless
thing, I don't really know what it means. It kind of sets us back a little bit
as a position," McAfee said. He added that punters understand the risks
when they're on the field and insisted that he does not believe he's ever been
targeted by a player during a return. McAfee explained that Huber ventured into
the "war zone," an area of 10 or 15 yards that most punters and
kickers try to avoid. He added that he stays out that area of the field, but
believes Blandino's comments reinforce the stereotype "that punters and
kickers aren't really athletes or football players. Actually, they don’t
reinforce that steretype; they confirm it and plaster it on the marquee in big,
flashing letters…….
- Has Russian despot Vladimir Putin actually grown a heart
this holiday season? No, but the dastardly dictator sure wants to make it
appear that way and that’s why he is set to pardon one of his best known opponents, oil
tycoon Mikhail Khodorkovsky, after a decade in jail. This magnanimous gesture
conveniently comes two months before Russia hosts the Winter Olympics and just
might be a feeble attempt to mitigate growing criticism of his piss-poor human
rights record. Putin made the surprise announcement that he would soon free
Khodorkovsky, once Russia's richest man, at the end of a long and boring news
conference in which he exuded confidence that he has reasserted his authority
in the face of street protests. In addition to promising to pardon
Khodorkovsky, Putin also vowed to free two members of the punk rock band Pussy Riot,
both whom were jailed for allegedly slandering the government. Still, it was
the relatively meaningless pardon of Khodorkovsky, who was due for release next
August, that garnered the most attention. Yes, a pardon of a man who has been
in jail for a decade and was only supposed to be there for another eight months
and change. Khodorkovsky had a memorable falling out with Putin a decade ago
when he was arrested at gunpoint on an airport runway in Siberia on fraud and
tax evasion charges in 2003. His company was broken up and sold off,
mostly to state-run interests. In the time that has passed since, the Kremlin
has steadfatly denied that Putin has singled Khodorkovsky out for any reason.
On Thursday, Putin said of Khodorkovsky, "He has been in jail already more
than 10 years. This is a serious punishment." Putin also cited the fact
that Khodorkovsky's mother is seriously ill and “with these circumstances in
mind ... a decree pardoning him will be signed.” Thanks for next to nothing,
Vlad……….
- Lawnmowers have at times been left behind in the
technological revolution, but no longer. World, feel free to marvel at the
splendor of a programmable
lawn mower that could essentially mow the lawn itself. This not-yet-for-sale,
prohibitively expensive hunk of lawn care technology was unveiled this week as
part of a new exhibit at the John Deere Pavilion in Moline, Ill. The Tango E5
is a small, battery-powered mower that can be programmed to mow a surface in
exactly the pattern and at the pace its owner desires. John Deere Pavilion
manager Brigitte Tapscott explained that the exhibit is a display designed to
open people’s eyes to the many wondrous activities they could be doing instead of
mowing the lawn. “In our display, you have the house, and it actually comes to
life and you’ll see a father and mother and their daughter and they’re getting
ready to leave for a soccer game,” Tapscott said. “So instead of taking the
time to mow the yard, they’re actually getting ready to leave and go to the
soccer game and enjoy family time.” What Tapscott misses is that many men – and
some women – enjoy getting outside and mowing the lawn. It allows them to work
outdoors, escape the family time she seems to think they crave more of and get
away from it all for a while. Programming an expensive mower to be an outdoor
version of their Roomba isn't what most dudes have in mind, Brigitte. A
spokesperson from John Deere said the Tango E5 is the first of several new
exhibits coming to the pavilion in the months ahead and one can only hope its
successors will be better aimed at an area of need that people actually have………
- Way to be, Rep. Trey Radel, R-Fla. Just because you were
arrested in October for attempting to purchase some of the Bolivian marching
powder is no reason to resign in December….or any other time of the year. Radel
boldly informed the world this week that he has no plans to resign from
Congress, blaming his struggles with alcoholism for pushing him to acquire the
Colombian nose candy. It was a solid, albeit doomed, effort to shift blame and
garner sympathy. “Alcohol does not work for me… It led me down a path that that
slowly and surely chipped away at my relationship with my wife, my child and
God. And it led to really bad decisions, which put me here today,” Radel said
in a press conference following his release from a Florida rehab center. So
far, he’s following the script to a “T,” from the quick trip to rehab to the
emotional press conference in which he (allegedly) came clean with the world.
He mixed in a healthy dose of addict in denial by saying he has used cocaine
only “a handful of times” and was never impaired while voting or carrying out
any of his other congressional responsibilities. Proving any of the above would
be difficult, as many members of Congress would seem to be impaired on the job
based on their voting and performance at work. For the uninformed, Radel was
charged with possession of cocaine after he attempted purchased 3.5 grams of
the drug from an undercover officer in Washington, D.C. on Oct. 29. He pled
guilty to the charge on Nov. 20 and in typical American judicial form, he
received a slap on the wrist in the form of one year of probation. He emerged
from rehab and immediately held his presser, in which he hailed “a new focus”
while inspiring faith in all of his constituents by saying that “politics and re-election are the
last thing on my mind right now.” Radel also said he would be in favor of drug
testing Congress, which could be an attempt to curry some favor with the House
Ethics Committee, which announced this week it would investigate whether Radel
violated Congressional rules when was arrested trying to purchase the blow in
question……..
- Conspiracy theories have never been so wonderful. When one
is allegedly used to target and screw over one of the most manufactured,
artificial pop music hacks in the industry, how can a conspiracy possibly be a
negative thing? That’s right, none other than Lana Del Rey is reportedly the victim of
Academy Awards smear campaign. She was somehow (and inexplicably) nominated in
the Best Original Song category for “Young and Beautiful,” which featured on
the soundtrack to Baz Luhrmann's “The
Great Gatsby.” Yet Del Ray’s candidacy has somehow been submarined by an
anonymous individual or individuals sending out fake letters to members of the
Academy Awards voting board, incorrectly stating that the song is ineligible
for the prize. The bogus letter was accompanied by printout of an equally fake
online article, purportedly from Variety, confirming that the song was
disqualified from the category because of the film's changed release date. That
led Warner Brothers to double check the facts and amazingly enough, studio executives
soon learned that the story had never been published on the Variety site. All
of this could harm Del Rey’s candidacy as she competes with the likes of M83,
Jay-Z and The xx for Best Original Song at next year's Academy Awards. An
amazing 75 songs are up for the award, which honors the best music written for
films released in 2013. “The Great
Gatsby” has the most nominated tracks, with five songs from the Baz
Luhrmann film on the list. Among them are the xx's “Together” made the cut,
Jay-Z's “100$ Bill,” and Florence And The Machine's “Over The Love.” Karen O of
The Yeah Yeah Yeahs made the list for the second straight year with “The Moon
Song,” while M83’s nomination came as a result of its work on “Oblivion.” The list will be narrowed down
from 75 to the final nominees and that short list will be announced on Jan. 16,
with the ceremony itself held March 2 in Los Angeles……….
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