- Someone please pinch me. At this point, the frequency and intensity with which riots are springing up around Africa and the Middle East just seems like a dream. Algeria, Egypt, Yemen, Iran…….and now Oman? Dare I say it? Oman, oh man. The small Arabian nation that shares borders with Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates has become the latest hotbed of rioting and Tuesday marked the fourth straight day of massive demonstrations in the streets. The government made a firm effort Monday to end demonstrations in the key port city of Sohar, but anti-government protestors refused despite orders from the sultan to hire 50,000 people and pay a stipend to people who are out of work. That promise was not enough to keep thousands of protestors from gathering Tuesday in peaceful protest near the center of Sohar, where they have blocked routes to the port and the industrial zone, prompting port staff to leave work because of potential safety threats. In any uprising, the most important part of the equation is what those responsible for it are after. What are they demanding and from whom are they demanding it? In this case, protesters are demanding include greater freedom of expression, higher salaries, a clampdown on government corruption, a new constitution and the prosecution of security officials whose actions led to the death of demonstrators. That seems like a lot to ask for, but in truth, several of those demands are interconnected. For example, security officials getting away with ordering and carrying out actions that lead to protestors’ deaths and an end to government corruption are one in the same. As for freedom of expression, whether demonstrators realize it or not, they are taking that right for themselves simply by participating in these protests. Thus far, the protests have remained relatively peaceful and witnesses did not report any clashes between security and the protesters over the weekend. There were sparse reports of property damage and attacks over the weekend, but the Omani protestors are so well-mannered that, come Monday morning, they had organized committees to protect buildings and handle traffic. Also on Monday, a group of 15 protestors submitted the opposition’s demands in writing to officials, with promises that the demands would passed to the sultan. Whether Sultan Qaboos bin Said ever sees those demands is another matter entirely, but he has already taken some small steps to address a few of the concerns expressed by protestors. Yet I think we can all agree that it is a good thing that the sultan has not responded to all of those concerns because if he had, then we might not have even more protest and riot goodness to enjoy…………
- Great. Stoners aren’t under attack enough as is in these here United States, so let’s persecute them a little bit more, eh U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration? You fight tooth and nail against the legalization of marijuana even though taxing it could greatly benefit states’ sagging economies, you arrest stoners for taking bong rips or rolling with fatties in their car ash trays and you besiege us with constant campaigns about the danger of the hippie lettuce as a “gateway drug.” All of that is excessive enough without you using your emergency authority to make owning and selling five chemicals and the "fake pot" products they are used in illegal, effective March 1. In a news release, the DEA laid out its decision to prohibit the chemicals or any products that contain them. Up to now, the chemicals were used in smokeable herbal products labeled as incense. They were bought, sold, smoked and enjoyed right up to the point when some stick-up-their-butt, backwards-thinking squares felt the urge to ban them because they just might be a gateway drug to the stereotypical gateway drug. Sure, the banned substances are chemicals that mimic THC, the active ingredient in marijuana, but the key word there is mimic. They imitate the effects, but they do not DUPLICATE them. The five chemicals listed as illegal are JWH-018, JWH-073, JWH-073, JWH-200, CP-47, 497 and cannabicyclohexanol, according to the DEA release. For those seeking a silver lining in this dark development, perhaps it can be found in the fact that the ban the ban will last for one year with the possibility of a six-month extension while the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services studies the chemicals' health effects and provides the DEA with a recommendation on whether they should be permanently banned. There is still hope to save these fake hippie lettuce products for fake stoners, so the fight is not over year. Oh, and DEA agents will not actively search the head shops, convenience stores or other retail outlets that continue to sell the fake pot products unless someone calls in a report, DEA public information officer Terri Wyatt said. If all of the snitches out there will keep their mouths shut, then perhaps the impact of this terrible decision won’t be so severe. Maybe we can all just forget that these chemicals have been listed as Schedule 1 substances, which is the most restrictive category in the Controlled Substances Act, reserved for substances with a high potential for abuse and no accepted medical use………….
- Melissa Leo’s F-bomb notwithstanding, the 83rd annual Academy Awards didn’t exactly captive a nation. If anything, viewers showed that they would rather watch an exciting Heat-Knicks NBA game on ESPN, head to bed early or organize their sock drawer than tune in to watch a bunch of out-of-touch, self-centered Hollywood A-listers narcissistically hand awards to one another and deliver fraudulently humble speeches thanking everyone they’ve ever met for contributing to their success. The Oscars were watched by 37.6 million viewers, down 9 percent compared to last year's Oscar-cast. Critics wasted little time ripping the broadcast for the most obvious possible reason, its slow pace. Within the context of awards show broadcasts (which are all worthless to the core), the broadcast actually did fairly well. It was the most-watched awards show since last year's Oscars, which averaged 41.3 million viewers. The selection of Anne Hathaway and James Franco as hosts in order to draw in a younger demographic for the broadcast turned out to be a dud, as ratings were flat year-to-year in the 18-49 demographic with an 11.7 rating. So while plenty of people tuned in to see "The King's Speech" take top honors, Trent Reznor and co-composer Atticus Ross win the Best Original Score Oscar for "The Social Network” and Randy Newman win Best Original Song for "We Belong Together," from "Toy Story 3," the show failed to replicate the drama from last year, when James Cameron's "Avatar" competed against ex-wife Kathryn Bigelow's "The Hurt Locker” for best picture. In the end, the telecast was down 7 percent in households, posting a 24.5 household rating from 8:30-11:30 p.m. compared to last year's 26.5. What do all of these numbers say about the popularity of the Oscars? Nothing we didn’t already know, really. A certain segment of the population will always have nothing better to do and/or be fascinated by the celebrity culture to the extent that they will throw away three hours of their life to see rich, arrogant people handed small golden statues while wearing grossly overpriced designer clothes………
- Kooks who become infuriated with the driving habits of people passing through their neighborhoods and tried some hackneyed tactic to stop speeding on their street never fail to amuse. Invariably, these buffoons erect some “eye-catching” display in their front yard as a means of slowing drivers down and in the end, they do nothing more than waste their time, money and effort and provide a hearty laugh for the rest of us. To see a perfect illustration of this point, meet Leslie Shinkawa of Melbourne, Fla. Shinkawa's frustration over drivers speeding down her residential street inspired her to……wait for it…..wait a little longer……dress a decorative skeleton in a clown suit and hang it by a noose in a tree in her front yard. But wait, there’s more! The skele-clown is hung above a sign that reads: "Slow Down Clown 30 MPH." That would be a reference to the speed limit along the 300 block of East Melbourne Avenue, which is 30 mph. The whiny locals in Shinkawa's hood say that drivers frequently exceed that speed (I guess they all have working radar guns handy) and shockingly, the worst times for speeding tend to come during rush hour. Well knock me over with a feather, that is stunning. So people attempting to get home from work at the end of a busy day drive faster? Shocking. And yes, I realize that the speed limit is clearly marked on both sides of the street in front of Shinkawa's house. The speed limit is clearly marked on most streets in the United States and people don’t obey it, so why should this street be any different? "We're always hollering at people to slow down, and it's only going to get worse," Shinkawa fumed. Listen lady…..if I’m driving through a neighborhood and people are yelling and me to slow down, not only am I not doing so, but I’m speeding up and doubling back through the same area at an even higher rate of speed simply out of spite. However, in a beautifully ironic twist, someone phoned in a complaint about Shinkawa's skeleton and on Monday afternoon, local officials knocked on her door to speak with her about the issue. So to all of the drivers out there who are anywhere near central Florida and have a chance to pass down the 300 block of East Melbourne Avenue, feel free to take Shinkawa's actions as an open invitation to zip down the street as fast as possible and flip the bird in the direction of Shinkawa's house as you pass by. You’ll recognize it because it will be the only one whose ass hat of a homeowner has a decorative skeleton in a clown suit hung by a noose in the front yard………..
- Goodbye, "Southeast Jerome." Adios, "Dolla Bill" and "Sheriff Gonna Getcha." Same for you, “Coach Janky Spanky,” "Bro Sweets," "Inspector Two-Two" and “Dolomite Jenkins.” Washington, D.C. will no longer be able to call these fine characters home after Clinton Portis was released by the Washington Redskins on Monday. The decision ends a tumultuous seven-year run with the Redskins for the quirky running back, who has been unable to stay healthy despite being one of the highest-paid players on the team. Portis was scheduled to make $8.3 million next season and head coach Mike Shanahan clearly believed that at that price, the team could find a more productive and reliable option. Portis had played in only 13 games over the past two seasons because of a severe concussion in 2009 and a torn groin muscle in 2010, leading to a reputation as a fragile, eccentric enigma on a team that found itself at the bottom of the NFC East standings year after year. "We're going to let him test the market," Shanahan said, "and see what's out there for him." Portis claimed the team offered him a chance to restructure his contract, but he said it would be "hard to accept not being the go-guy." In his defense, Portis reacted to his release with as much class as could be expected under the circumstances. "It was kind of a mutual decision," Portis said. "They could have sat and held on and played around. They gave me an opportunity to further my career and go somewhere where I can help." The decision comes with Portis a mere 77 yards short of 10,000 career rushing yards and 648 yards shy of one of his stated goals, Hall of Famer John Riggins' franchise rushing record. "If the record meant that much, I think I could stay in D.C. to get it," Portis said. "Although I wanted it, I don't think I wanted it bad enough to ... continue to endure the area to get it. If John Riggins is the only name you can say did more than me as a Redskins running back, that's great company to be in. And I'm OK with that." Perhaps the fond memories of his productive 2005 season, when he set a franchise single-season rushing record (1,516 yards) and led the team to its first playoff berth in six years, will tide him over until he finds a new team. Of course, the league’s ongoing labor drama and impending lockout could postpone that development. In the meantime, Portis can polish up some more verbal gems like the ones that have landed him in trouble over the past several years, like saying female reporters are naturally "going to want somebody" when they see undressed players in the locker room or suggesting that Michael Vick had every right to operate a dogfighting ring and that the public should butt out of Vick’s business. Yet having laid out the many reasons why the Redskins were smart to release Portis, it is still a sad day in the nation’s capital and everywhere else that Portis/Spanky Janky/Dolomite/Dolla Bill/Sheriff Gonna Getcha’s incredible charisma has made an impact…………
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