Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Pop-Tarts take over Times Square, Bolivian protestors turtle under pressure and Kid Rock releases new music sure to suck

- I don’t know about you, but there are just some recording artists whose new albums are greeted with rapt attention and anticipation in my life. You know, the sort of album you mark down on your calendar, make a point of buying the first day it’s out and listen to from start to finish as soon as you get your hands on it. Well, Kid Rock’s music has never been like that for me, not in the least. Unless I’m in dire need of a new coaster to set my drinks on or need something an inch thick to prop up the uneven leg of a table, I have no need for this hack’s music. He vacillates back and forth between screaming, jumping, off-key vocals and thrash rock and guttural quasi-country pop and doesn’t sound good anywhere along the way. It doesn’t matter who he teams up with on hi albums, what guest spots he has to help improve the sound or anything else that may be thrown into the recording process; his music still sucks. It’s held true of every one of his albums thus far and I’m sure it will be true of his next album, "Born Free," which he unveiled pieces of during his three-night weekend homestand at the DTE Energy Music Theatre in suburban Detroit over the weekend. That’s right, three straight nights of Kid Rock! Industrial-strength earplugs, anyone? Those in attendance heard six new songs from the album and learned its official release date (Nov. 16, as opposed to the original date of Sept. 7). Shared via a message from the onstage video screen at the end of Saturday's concert, the news that "Born Free" will come out Nov. 16 was surely met with…a hearty “whatever.” Whiskey maker Jim Beam is still solidly behind the project inasmuch as it manufactures the Rock-endorsed Red Stag black cherry-flavored whiskey and spent the evening passing out T-shirts announcing a Kid Rock Born Free World Tour 2010-2011. Among the new songs Rock debuted at the concerts, the crowd favorite seemed to be the title track and first single, which sounded a lot like a bad Bob Seger rip-off, with cheesy lyrics about "how lucky each and every one of us are, no matter where you're from, to be born in a country that's free." Oh, and there will also be a music video for “Born Free” and other album add-ons that will include footage filmed at the concerts, so there’s something else to not look forward to. So go ahead and forget to mark Nov. 16 down on your calendar, I’ll do the same and we can all agree to forget that any of this ever happened………

- Anyone who has used Facebook for more than a week knows that one thing the social networking site is desperately in need of is a dislike button. Users are permitted to “like” things, which basically means declaring themselves a fan of it. Whether it’s a sports team, band, type of food or a politician, that user is showing their support. Yet Facebook doesn’t permit them to declare their “dislike” for things they don’t enjoy. That has led to, as with anything on Facebook that people using a free social networking site that they have no right to demand much from, protests, uproar and outrage among Facebook users. The push for a dislike button has garnered much support, but Facebook has thus far refused to give in. Looking to take advantage of the situation, seedy Internet types are using it as an opportunity to spread their fake, virus-like program across the Web. The scam begins when a user clicks on a link that says something to the effect of a friend being able to get a dislike button so that they can dislike all of a person’s dumb posts. When a person clicks on that link, they are taken to a fake Facebook application. That application then uses a person's social network to continue spreading the fake program. By giving the app permission to run, you tacitly allow it to silently update your Facebook status to promote the link that tricked you in the first place. The vicious cycle continues as other similarly IQ-stunted friends click on the link. Anyone with even a rudimentary understanding of Internet security knows not to click on suspicious links, but clearly there are a lot of morons out there who aren’t smart enough to steer clear of them and so this is a problem. This is merely the latest security scam spreading across Facebook and with the site’s user base increasing exponentially by the day, the pool of potential targets for these scams is increasing at a similar rate…………


- Sushi Pop-Tarts, anyone? If that sounds like the treat for you, then you may be a fan of the new Pop-Tarts World that opened today Times Square. Right alongside the ginormous Toys “R” Us, the MTV studios, the Hershey store and M&M World, Pop-Tarts world will add an infusion of breakfast to the landmark tourist location. The store, which will occupy 3,000 feet of prime Manhattan real estate, will also offer T-shirts and a café with Pop-Tart-centric items such as “ants on a log”: celery with peanut butter sprinkled with wild grape Pop-Tarts. Now, lazy late-risers who don’t have time for an actual breakfast or stoners with a late-night case of the munchies can hit up Times Square for their Pop-Tart fix. The store will offer an incredible array of breakfast pastry offerings, ranging from custom-made Pop-Tarts to a mixed-box collection of your favorite flavors to go, along with the aforementioned “sushi” concoction (yes, really). It is the first single-product store opened by parent Kellogg Co., capitalizing on arguably the company’s most recognizable product. Oddly enough, the impetus for opening the store may have come from Facebook, as Kellogg began to fully understand what a cult following Pop-Tarts have only after starting a Facebook fan page, which as of Monday counted 1,879,368 people who “like” the product, which first hit store shelves in 1964. As for the sushi Pop-Tart, rest assured that Kellogg will not be shoving actual raw fish into one of its pastries: It’s really three fruit pastries rolled together to resemble a sushi roll………


- The greatness of reality television strikes again. In her day job, the aging SoCal cougar who goes by the name Patti Stanger masquerades as the Bravo network’s resident fixer-upper, but not in the home-remodeling sense. She is the central figure in the network's The Millionaire Matchmaker, a show that seeks to pair aging, wealthy dudes with young, hot gold diggers for matches made in heaven. Stanger berates these would-be lovers about their appearances, habits and personalities and tries to mold them into just the right fit for one of her other clients. Typically, it ends in disaster. Shocking, I know, that a match made in the reality TV world would ever end poorly. But sadly, finding love in the forced, unnatural setting of a glorified sound stage is just about the worst idea in the history of romance. The concept becomes that much worse when you consider how bad Stanger appears to be at finding love in her own life. For six years, Stanger has been dating Andy Friedman and the two of them were set to be married soon after getting engaged in May 2009. With her wedding bearing down, you’d think that a professional matchmaker like Stanger would have all of her T’s crossed and all of her I’s dotted, but apparently not. She has called off her wedding to Friedman, blaming in on a fairly serious difference of opinion between the two that she must have just found out about after six years together. "I just ended my relationship with Andy. It hit me really hard that I want kids in my life," Stanger tweeted. "You have to agree on the non-negotiables." That makes sense, but it’s also something that a third-generation matchmaker should realize before dating a guy for six freaking years and saying yes when he proposed. Perhaps pushing the date for the wedding back several times because Friedman wouldn't commit to having a family also should have been a clue. "Andy's a great guy and we'll always remain friends, but he wants me to be something that I can't be," she said. "We're better friends than lovers." Perhaps as she searches for the next love of her life, she should hire a matchmaker of her own, someone who knows to ask the right questions of a potential mate before the six-year point in the relationship, questions like: “Would anything short of an act of God be enough to convince you to have kids?” Glad I could be of some assistance to you, P…………


- NOOOOOOOOOO! Say it ain’t so, protesters in southwest Bolivia. After staging a stellar long-term uprising that basically shut down the Andean city of Potosi for 19 days, these brave dissidents turtled under pressure and ended their general strike on Monday. Thousands upon thousands of residents had staged a massive blockade that cut off road, train and air traffic with the rest of the country. It was an awesome scene, seeing average citizens become above average by rising up to stick it to The Man, cutting off their city from contact with the outside world - well, at least in terms of transportation. These protestors were outraged at what they saw as the government's failure to invest enough in their region. Not all of the city’s 160,000 residents joined in, but you don’t need the entire city up in arms to make a difference. Yet those who did summon the courage to stand up to The Man have now backed down and agreed to lift their blockade. Traffic is slowly returning to normal in the mining town, which is exactly what I thought these protestors didn’t want. They were suckered into lifting the blockade after government officials lied to them, er, um, agreed to work on the groups' demands. The two sides have reportedly agreed to a six-point plan that included promises to restart a mine, work on roads, build an international airport and a cement factory. How these dissidents were tricked into believing this bogus offer, I have no idea. Nor do I believe promises by government officials that they would work toward the preservation of a heavily mined mountain and set up a commission to solve the territorial dispute between Potosi and a neighboring province, Oruro. Sounds like a big bundle of lies to me and it breaks my heart to see these proud, admirable dissidents be fooled into giving up the great thing they had going………

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