- Give it up, anti-immigration law kooks. You’ve been at it ever since Arizona passed its controversial new immigration law requiring police to verify the immigration status of anyone they suspect may be in the United States illegally. You’ve marched, chanted, protested and made your voices heard at government buildings, concerts and sporting events. While I may not be entirely sympathetic to your aim, I understand and appreciate your right to speak out. However, the instant you begin crossing state lines and taking your act on the road to places like the quarterly meeting of Major League baseball team owners in Minneapolis, I’m going to have to rip into you. Yes, I realize that you want commissioner Bud Selig to move the 2011 All-Star Game out of Arizona because of that state's new law cracking down on illegal immigrants, but you do realize that there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell of that happening, right? Trying to deliver your petitions chocked full of bogus signatures to Selig at the location where the meeting took place isn’t going to win you this battle; it’s merely going to result in five of your group’s members being arrested by Minneapolis police. Some 100 idiots formed this group of clowns outside a downtown hotel, demanding the relocation of an event that could infuse as much asp $60 million into Arizona's economy. The five arrestees were booked into the Hennepin County Jail for trespassing after they refused to leave, according to police spokesman Sgt. William Palmer. For baseball’s part in all of this, Selig maintains that the law is a political issue and has shown no sign that Major League Baseball will move the game out of the state. You wasted your time, efforts, energy and (obviously) very limited brain capacity for nothing, kooks, hope you’re happy……..
- Not exactly an inspiring launch for the Motorola Droid 2 and the BlackBerry Torch as both smartphones went on sale Thursday. Demand for the two new phones was best described as lukewarm and nowhere near the bum-rush that occurred when the iPhone 4 launched in late June. That fateful day saw the single biggest consumer electronics product launch in history, with nearly 2 million customers/losers lining up at stores across the country to snap one up. Retailers blew through their existing supplies almost immediately and Apple stores soon found themselves in the same boat. AT&T was besieged by orders to the extent that it didn't even offer iPhone 4s in its stores for walk-in customers until a week after launch. On Thursday, there were no such liens to purchase the Droid 2 and Torch. Should you want to pony up for one, all you have to do is march to your nearest phone store and stroll right up to the counter. Both phones could be suffering from having only one network option, although that hasn’t exactly impeded iPhone sales thus far. The Droid 2, which is available exclusively on Verizon's network, and the Torch, only on AT&T, could also be suffering from high prices that may keep consumers at bay. The lackluster early sales of the Droid 2 are especially curious because the original Droid became something of a phenomenon when it went on sale in November 2009. In its first 64 days on the market, the Droid blew sales of the original iPhone out of the water. However, the smartphone market has become much more crowded in the interim and the Droid 2 and Torch must compete with phone like the HTC EVO 4G on Sprint, Verizon Droid counterparts, the Motorola Droid X and the HTC Droid Incredible. As for the Droid 2’s physical drawbacks, its heavy, clunky nature could also be working against it. However, the Torch has no such problems and it’s still not selling well, so who knows what the problem is? Making matters more bizarre, the iPhone 4 is selling much better even though it is back-ordered at many stores and could take as long as three weeks to ship. I guess it’s all about name value and trends, even when it comes to something as big as a smartphone purchase…......
- Different countries deal with border crashers in different ways. Each nation views illegal immigrants a bit differently and often, those views involve singling out those illegals in awkward fashion. For Canada, that means having senior members of its Conservative government work to enact new measures that would treat boatloads of illegal immigrants arriving on Canada’s shores differently from other refugee claimants. The new rules come on the heels of Canadian authorities taking control of a ship of nearly 500 illegal Tamil immigrants off the west coast of British Columbia on Thursday. The motley crew on that ship is said to include suspected human smugglers and terrorists, which may not be the sort of people a nation throws open its borders to. The MV Sun Sea was boarded Thursday night just after 9 pm EDT by the Canadian military, the RCMP and Canada Border Services Agency staff and what I wouldn’t give to have been on the scene for that one. The HMCS Winnipeg visually identified the Sun Sea at about 2:30 pm EDT Thursday and at about 5:30 pm EDT the ship entered Canadian territorial waters, allowing the Tories to make their move. The commandeered ship was taken to CFB Esquimalt just west of Victoria and has since sparked a massive debate over the country’s immigration policies. Leading the way on that are Conservatives who seem destined for a showdown with Prime Minister Stephen Harper’s government and the opposition parties in the House of Commons, who strongly believe all refugee claimants should be treated equally. It sounds a lot like a political debate we’d have right here in the United States, actually. When asked what Ottawa could to prevent more boats of illegals from heading to Canada, Public Safety Minister Vic Toews said Thursday the Tories want to make Canada unappealing to border crashers. “We want to send a very clear message that this type of activity, specifically human trafficking and human smuggling is illegal, it’s criminal and we will take the strongest steps possible to deter it,” he said. The question is why suspected members of a terrorist group are so eager to get to the great white north and freeze their backsides off. According to sources within the government, federal officials are pursuing a two-pronged strategy to repel shiploads of human cargo from Canada’s shores. The RCMP is also working with Australia and Asian countries to identify ships with human cargo and tackle the problem directly. Most pressing for Canadian officials wishing to find a way to banish illegals from their country is the fact that until ships exit international waters and enter Canadian waters, their forces can do nothing. “To the extent we wanted to do anything in international waters, legal tools would be needed,” said one government official who spoke on condition of anonymity. Are measures differentiating between individuals arriving on Canadian soil and seeking refugee status and boatloads of people brought to Canada by criminal or terrorist organizations the answer? Hard to say, but it’s always good to know that the problem isn’t just an American thing………
- Is it possible to find a $35 million lawsuit hilarious? I say yes and I say that on account of a hair-extensions company suing world-class skank Paris Hilton for breaching her contract with them by wearing a competitor’s fake locks. The suit, filed on Wednesday by the Dreamcatchers hair extension line by Hairtech International Inc. that Hilton began representing in 2007. What’s funny about this suit is that anyone is asking for $35 million over anything having to do with hair extensions. That amount is 10 times what Hilton was reportedly paid under the contract, so Hairtech International Inc. is reaching for the sky on this one. But then again, they did reportedly pay her $3.5 million to pimp their product and they claim that she followed that up by missing a new product in 2007 because she was in jail. What? The woman had obligations and at that point in time, her primary obligation was wearing an orange jumpsuit and sitting in a 10x10 cell. So just because she was convicted of a crime, sent to jail, missed a launch party and then allegedly showed up some place wearing hair extensions from another company, you want to sue her? Since when has Paris Hilton ever been accused of being irresponsible, reckless or stupid, other than every day of her life? She and her attorneys apparently intent to fight this suit with everything they have and those attorneys issued the following statement: “There is no merit whatsoever to any of these claims. We will pursue all of our defenses vigorously and any potential counter claims.” Sounds like some typical legalese, boilerplate material from your typical high-priced celebrity attorney, right? So as I said, I’m just going to laugh at this one because no matter who wins or loses in this case, no one is really going to get hurt that badly and thus, it’s hilarious………
- We all wonder what’s going on in the kitchen when our meal is being prepared. Is the staff operating the kitchen in sanitary fashion, cleaning all cooking surfaces, wearing hair nets and rocking plastic gloves on their hands when handling our grub? One question most of us don’t ask is whether the chef cooking our meal is kissing and licking live toads while on the job. But that’s the question you should be asking if you find yourself in the hamlet of Davenport, Iowa and decide to eat at a restaurant called Osaka. That’s the home base for Christopher Turla, who goes by the name TaiMaiShu at the popular Japanese restaurant. Osaka was icketed Wednesday by the Scott County Health Department after Turla was caught on tape kissing and licking live toads in the kitchen Sunday. Health department officials received the video and after reviewing it, called in the chef and owner of Osaka to issue a $335 ticket. "There were several violations committed during the video," said food inspector Lindsay Gorishek. "Toads carry several diseases and they also had them in their mouth and then back in their hands on the prep table." Geez, someone is a stickler for the rules, eh Lindsay? What on Earth could be wrong with a chef on the job placing two small toads on the prep table where vegetables are cut, picking them up, licking and kissing them, stuffing them in his mouth and then putting both of his hands on that same prep table? So what possible explanation for this moron have for his actions? “It was a joke, it was like a dare to myself, if I can lick a frog or kiss a frog," Turla said after getting the citation. Who videotaped the entire unsavory scene? That would be his brother, who then went bonehead by doing what so many morons, both famous and anonymous, do to bring about their own downfall: post it on Facebook. Look, I get the idea of wanting to take a dare and do something crazy, something to show that you can man up and take a risk. But if you’re going to do any toad-licking, do it in your own kitchen at home, where no one is coming and paying to eat. The health department doesn’t care if you lick, kiss, eat or marry a toad in your own kitchen, fool. Osaka probably should step up its game as well because in addition to Turla’s citation, in June, the health department cited Osaka for 14 non-toad violations, eight deemed critical. Gee, hard to figure out how a restaurant with such a great head chef could possibly violate any health codes……….
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