- Is there an international organization more irrelevant than the U.N.? I mean, seriously, when even member nations blatantly ignore its decisions and its most prominent member, the U.S., is further behind in its membership dues than O.J. is in his search to find the real killers, who can take the United Nations seriously? The latest major piece of news is Russian opposition to U.N.-imposed sanctions against Iran for Iran’s nuclear weapons program. This after China refused to go along with some of the penalties and regulations against North Korea for its nuclear weapons testing. So apparently you can pick and choose which U.N. sanctions you want to abide by and act accordingly. Now that’s a political concept I can get behind, who doesn’t like the idea of only following the rules you agree with? Super duper.
- Another piece of sunny news from the war that never should have happened, the sham that is our unending invasion of Iraq: the death total for the month of October is nearing 100, currently standing at 96 after the announcement of five more deaths of U.S. service personnel. During the past year, there hasn’t been a month with a solider-death tally of under thirty, meaning that essentially we are averaging at least a death per day every month. But those lives are worth it when you consider what we’ve gained by…….what, we haven’t gained a friggin’ thing? Oh. B-B-But Iraq hasn’t attacked us since we invad - oh, they never have attacked us at all? Dang. Hey, though, at least now President Bush can have his own Vietnam and join the elite company of one Richard M. Nixon. All Bush needs to do is find a popular musician to hassle because he disagrees with the war and try to run him out of the country, a la Nixon and John Lennon. C’mon W., you still have two full years to go, you can do it.
- How pumped are you that Bob Sagat has a new gig? Yeah, me too, because after all, you can’t spend your entire career intro-ing those oh-so-funny and veeeeeeerrrrry fresh videos of guys getting accidentally blasted in the junk, animals performing wacky hi-jinks and people making asses of themselves at weddings and other events on America’s Lamest Home Videos. That show stopped being fresh and funny right around episode two, when everyone figured out that it was basically a copy of episode one and a preview of every episode from there on out. Now Sagat is hosting 1 vs. 100, where contests play yet another contrived game show and try to win copious amounts of jack. Who isn’t excited for that? After all, it’s not like we didn’t have a chance to mildly enjoy the concept with Regis and Millionaire, then see that show run into the ground worse than the Exxon Valdez. So you have the stunningly unfunny Sagat teamed with a stale game show concept? Count me in. And by in, I mean there’s a negative forty percent chance of me ever watching this piece of crap.
- Following up on a previous item highlighting the whereabouts and activities of Kevin “America’s Most Hated” Federline………residents of Northeast Ohio are absolutely devastated by the news that Mr. Spears has cancelled an upcoming concert in Cleveland. This is just a guess, but I am going out on a limb to say that there will be a few more unexplained “cancellations” by Federline on this tour. You know, when an artist (and I use that term very loosely with this wanker) mysteriously cancels a show and you later find out that they hadn't even sold enough tickets to pay the parking attendants at the concert? Call me crazy, but I just don’t see people plunking down their cash for a chance to hear this lyrical genius rock the mic.
- Props to India for passing a law that could result in jail time for men who beat, threaten or yell at their wives or girlfriends. Welcome to the 21st century, India, nice of you to join us. Look, I know the rest of the world isn't as politically correct and all about civil liberties as we are in the United States, but is it too much to ask that nowhere in the world men are allowed to beat their woman without some sort of punishment? Cultural norms differ greatly, I know, but this just seems like something that should be pretty automatic for everyone, kinda like not killing someone just for the heck of it.
- Not the best day for misogynists, apparently. Muslim cleric Sheik Taj Aldin al-Hitali of Australia (with a last name so close to Hitler, who could foresee something bad flying out of this guy’s pie hole) apologized for blatantly offensive and over-the-line comments he made about women last month but refused to resign from his post. He labeled women who don’t wear head scarves as “uncovered meat” who deserve rape. Wow. Hey bro, I know your religion values modesty in women to the point of oppression, but I don’t think that not covering her head with a scarf makes a woman a) meat, or b) inviting rape. Say they’re being sinful, whatever, but don’t insinuate that they are asking to be sexually assaulted. That’s crossing the line to the point that you can't even look back and remember where it was. But this should go a long way towards dispelling negative perceptions people have about Islam as a radical, far-out religion that advocates violence. Good job, Sheik Taj.
- The long overdue big fence on the U.S.-Mexican border looks like it will finally happen. President Bush signed a bill that will make the fence a reality, keeping out some of the illegal immigrants that are the true top problem for our country. Either that or the fact that hundreds of U.S. military personnel are dying fighting in a place they never should have been in the first place. Sure, illegal immigrants due pose a lot of economic and social problems and need to be dealt with, but the hubbub on this issue while Osama runs free and the debacle in Iraq rages on is more than a little comical. Hang in there, people, only two years left in this blatantly incompetent presidential regime.
- The World Series is almost over, and thank the Lord for that. Past Fall Classics have been riveting viewing and this baseball season was a great one, right up to the point that we began the worst Series I can remember in my lifetime. Bad weather, bad pitching, bad defense, awful hitting, what a combination. At this point, I don’t care who wins, although I am leaning toward the Cardinals simply because they are one win from ending this clunker and the Tigers would need to win three games to do so. I’m all for closing our collective eyes, covering our ears, yelling “La la la la la la!” at the top of our lungs and refusing to acknowledge this series ever happened. Just ignore it, get ready for spring training in February and pretend the 2006 World Series never happened.
- Thank you very much to the presidents of the University of Florida and Georgia, respectively, for some much needed comedic relief. These two tools have teamed up to denounce the moniker given to the annual UF-UGA football game as the “World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party.” They argue it promotes drinking, specifically underage drinking by their students. And I am 100% certain that no students under the age of twenty-one will attend this game and drink any sort of alcohol. Moreover, I am sure they will do so because they see that the contest is no longer being referred to as the “World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party.” Either that or they will drink even more than usual just to give a collective middle finger to the two university presidents. Tip one back for me, UGA and UF students, not that you all need any encouragement.
- NBA commish David Stern is apparently not happing with his gun-toting players. Stern wants players to stop carrying their nines and Glocks, although no one seems to be sure how he can actually legislate and enforce this. Currently the Association prohibits players from carrying guns to all team and league functions, but what they do on their own time would seem to be beyond the league’s reach. This comes on the heels of Indiana Pacer Stephen Jackson, he of the melee-inducing behavior in Detroit two seasons ago, shooting it up outside of a strip club. Look commish, you can take the steps of instituting a no-bling dress code and no arguing with the refs conduct code, but you simply cannot take the thug out of these guys. This is how NBAers roll, in their tricked out Escalades with tinted windows, filled with their dozen-strong posse, all of them strapped and ready to shoot it up. Makes me mildly sad that I stopped caring about the NBA about five years ago and now follow other more interesting sports pursuits.
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