- Board game dorks rejoice. Author Phillip E. Orbanes has written a book detailing the much debated, hotly contested and of paramount importance topic of: the history of Monopoly. No, not monopolies as in one company having total control of a particular industry, product or service. That book might actually be of some relevance and importance. No, Orbanes is looking into the history of the board game. What I really want to know are things like does this book tackle the fiercely acrimonious relationship between the top hat and the wheelbarrow, the meteoric rise in property taxes on Park Place and the sketchy past of the mustachioed dude on the cover of the game. Needless to say, this is a topic that we have all been breathlessly awaiting further research on, and I anticipate it will be the choice for next month’s edition of Oprah’s book club. Either that or no one will care about it and it will end up selling about four dozen copies, mostly to the author’s family.
- Britain isn't happy with the U.S. and its environmental policies. Far be it from me to be a turncoat and sell out America, but maybe the Brits do have a point and we do abuse the environment a bit………or egregiously. Yet the person the Brits are turning to for advice and analysis is……..Al Gore. Yes, he of the gargantuan weight gain, unsightly beard, the mysterious “lock box” he kept talking about in the 2000 election and the dubious claim of being the father of the Internet. Now Gore is attempting to recast himself as some sort of media mogul/environmental savant, launching a rather unsuccessful TV network aimed at young people and producing a documentary about the environment. Props to him for branching out into new things, but shouldn’t the British be looking to……well, someone with an actual scientific background who can actually provide qualified insight into the environment? No one in America takes Al Gore seriously nowadays, so I doubt we’ll be changing our policies because the Brits, at Gore’s urging, want us to.
- Europe in general appears pissed at the U.S., in fact. The International Olympic Committee’s decision to hold some swimming and gymnastic events for the 2008 Summer Olympics in the morning to accommodate NBC (i.e. American viewers) has rankled some Euros, because the new times for the events will be problematic for Euro viewers. This should definitely help the whole image as “Ugly Americans”, expecting the rest of the world to cater to us and realign their schedules and lives in order to accommodate us and our needs. Granted, these events are among the most popular of the Games, and American viewers do represent one of the largest chunks of the viewing population, but it’s not absolutely vital that I get to see the uneven bars or the 100 meter freestyle in prime time. I think I can live without them, thanks, or just see highlights on a nightly recap show.
- A disturbing development from the soccer world. Apparently, a clinic that deals with athletes suffering from various types of addictions, is expressing grave concern that many English Premier League soccer players online p. addiction. They explain that these mullet wearing, injury faking, man-perm sporting dorks are accessing online porn 14 or 15 times a day, and that during matches, their minds focus not on the game itself, but on getting their next fix of net porn. And I know, this isn't a phenomenon specific to EPL soccer players; dudes all over the world are in the same boat. But 15 times a day? Wow, that’s…….troubling. Anything you feel compelled to do 15 times a day that isn’t a) part of your job, b) part of a day working out at the gym, c) absolutely essential to your survival, i.e. going to the bathroom, is a problem. Not like I needed another reason not to watch EPL soccer, what with the rioting, looting, fans throwing flares onto the field at players and lack of actual excitement on the field, but now I will be extra sure not to tune in to see these freaks in action.
- Hats off to R.E.M. for their nomination for induction into the Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame. Even if the Rock H.O.F. isn't all that relevant or important and they do induct far too many bands and artist who neither rocked nor rolled at any point in their careers and wouldn’t know rock if smacked them with a ferocious pimp slap across the face, it is good to see R.E.M. recognized. They were largely the forerunners of the college/indie rock scene when they started in the 1980s, and songs like It’s the End of the World as We Know It and What’s the frequency, Kenneth? are still classics.
- Do television execs actually want to provide quality programming, or do they settle for the easiest, least-thought requiring alternative and slap it into their schedules? These television game shows that are reportedly great imports from England are just an easy way around developing fresh, new sitcoms and dramas that are worth watching. I got tired of seeing losers with IQ’s of approximately 85 try to win a million dollars answering questions about topics that no one cares about. There are a lot of people out there just dying to be on TV and who are dumb enough to think that they are actually going to win a couple million bucks on a show that is rigged against them. If I want to watch really stupid people do things I have no interest in, I’ll just go out on the expressway and watch the incompetent driving of the idiots on our nation’s roadways.
- Great job by the U.S. Army, which has apparently fed misleading information about the deaths of seven soldiers in Iraq or Afghanistan to the families of those soldiers. As if the families of the deceased soldiers didn’t have enough of a burden, now the Army is either a) lying to, or b) too incompetent to tell the truth to them. These men and women gave their lives for their country, I’d say the least you can do is make sure you get the details right when you tell their families what happened. This comes after the whole Pat Tillman scandal in which his family was repeatedly misled by the military and it only came out more than a year after his death that he was killed by friendly fire. Small wonder that a country that can't even get the right cause for a soldier’s death also cannot figure out when or when not to invade a nation that poses no actual threat to them.
- A commitment to winning. No professional sports franchise embodies that philosophy more than the NFL’s Arizona Cardinals, they of the 1-7 record and one playoff victory in franchise history. This year’s incarnation of Cards is especially noteworthy because before the season began and people actually saw what the team looked like on the field, they were one of the trendy picks to go to the Super Bowl, at least among those with only marginal knowledge of football, such as Regis Philbin. No word on whether Matt Lauer and Al Roker also had the Cards as NFC favorites, but suffice to say things haven’t quite panned out for Arizona. They won their first game against the 49ers, and have since proceeded to lose seven straight. They’ve lost in blowout fashion (31-14 to a subpar Packers team), gut-wrenchingly chaotic collapse fashion (blowing a 20-point lead to the Bears in the course of the final 18 minutes of a Monday night game) and standard awful fashion (22-9 to the awful Raiders). They’ve benched their starting quarterback, had their running back bitch about a lack of touches even though he gets the ball more than any back in the NFL, and had their coach experience the most catastrophic breakdown in recent memory……..“The Bears are who we thought they were, and we let them off the hook!” Bet Denny Green wishes he could have that one back, just like Cardinal fans wish they could have the time they’ve spent watching their team the past two months back. Yet team president Mike Bidwell says the team won't fire Green because it “wouldn’t improve our chances of winning, and that’s our goal.” Nothing says winning more than retaining a coach who greatly resembles the “Nutty Professor” and sports a 12-28 record with the team. Keep up the good work, guys.
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