- Props to Las Vegas for landing next year’s Tournament of the Americas Olympic qualifying basketball tourney after Venezuela was unable to follow up on its own winning bid and actually made proper preparations for the event. This should only deepen the goodwill and warmth between America and Venezuelan president/noted U.S.-hater Hugo Chavez. But maybe offer good ‘ol Hugo a free weekend stay at the Real World suite in the Palms and comp all of his meals, toss in a few hookers and a huge line of credit in casino and maybe he can still come and enjoy the event.
- Speaking of Hugo Chavez (and who doesn’t love talking about such a warm, fuzzy despot) an American company that manufactures touch screen voting machines is being investigated for alleged ties to this Venezuelan leader. Sequoia Voting Systems denies the allegations, but doesn’t it make you feel better to know that a company with such a large impact on our democratic process may have ties to someone who despises our country so vigorously? Who knows, maybe your vote is being secretly transmitted to some Chavez administration flunkie, who records it and puts you on a hit list if you vote for someone who Chavez disapproves of? Good times, good times. And how great that this little detail comes out the week before elections.
- The Barry Bonds Derby is now underway, sports fans. Our roid-fueled slugger and all-around super human being has filed for free agency, meaning that any team in baseball can have a chance to sign him. I, for one, advocate the Chibu Latte Marines of the Japanese League, to procure the services of Bonds. Maybe Major League Baseball and its teams can even take up a collection so the C.L. Marines can afford to pay Bonds. That way, baseball fans don’t have to suffer the indignity of seeing the steroid cloud hover over another MLB season and maybe, just maybe, we can enjoy baseball on a more simplistic level. Additionally, MLB doesn’t have to watch Bonds chase its most hallowed record while fully knowing he is doing it on the strength of performance enhancers. Enjoy Japan Barry, I hear they have great sushi and kabuki theatre.
- The Who are coming out with their first studio album in twenty-four years (it’s true, twenty-four years, the commercial says so) and I don’t know if it’s good or bad that a band so aged is putting out an album that will still be better than about ninety percent of the crap currently on record store shelves. The debate is usually are you a Stones fan or a Who fan, but I gotta go with picking both of them over the majority of what passes for rock music right about now.
- Legalized gambling is making another push in Ohio, in the form of slot machines at selected locations in our fine Buckeye State. We’ve also had, in recent years, a thrust for riverboat casinos, which was rightly defeated. Gambling sycophants can try to sell the imaginary benefits to the state’s education system and the fact that people leave to gamble in other states because they can't in Ohio; so f’ing what, I ask? Are you not aware that when gambling comes to an area, it’s a given that crime levels and other shady behavior increase exponentially? And if people want to go throw their money away gambling in Windsor, Detroit, Vegas, Atlantic City, whatever, go for it. I’d prefer that they throw their money away at my front door, but since that doesn’t seem likely to happen, let ‘em go and gamble elsewhere.
- Another measure on the Ohio ballot centers on smoking in public places. Save your breath, smokers (literally, you need all the fresh air and oxygen you can get), I don’t wanna hear it. It’s one thing to drink copious amounts of alcohol, because as long as you don’t drive drunk, the alcohol consumption doesn’t negatively affect my health. Same with gambling, you can throw away every cent of your income playing blackjack or craps, it doesn’t increase my chances of developing lung cancer. But when you choke down your cancer sticks and give off those noxious fumes, you directly and negatively impact my health and well being. So ban smoking anywhere and everywhere you possibly can, because I don’t want my life shortened because of the nicotine-addicted freaks who can’t put out their heaters and just quit.
- The verdict in the Saddam Hussein trial is due by November 5, shockingly just two days before Election Day. Even more stunning, those involved say the Bush administration had nothing to do with the timing out the decision. Mmmm hmmm…….just like the FBI’s harassment of John Lennon mysteriously stopped after Richard Nixon’s re-election? So a guilty verdict against the man whose country we pointlessly invaded and where hundreds of American soldiers are dying without cause two days before elections is just coincidence? It’s not a ploy to help Bush’s beleaguered Republican party, which is in danger of losing control of Congress? Forgive me if I’m having a hard time believing that one.
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