The hot mess of UAB athletics, Serbia throws $$$ at mass murder victims and Snoop Dogg's keef corporation

- Whoever finds a missing white 2015 Lamborghini Aventador Convertible last seen on the streets of New York City on October 28 is going to have a difficult decision to make. On one hand, that person could cash in on the $100,000 reward the legendary private detective agency is offering for information leading to the recovery of the vehicle. That seems like a sweet deal, right up to the point where you realize that this is a badass whip worth $450,000. The car was spotted in Flushing, Queens, before it disappeared and authorities believe could be parked hidden in some sort of shipping container, headed to an overseas buyer. Further thickening the plot, NYPD officials said they have no report of a stolen Lamborghini fitting the description. Whoever stole it either wanted to add it to their collection or plans to send it overseas because rolling that sort of heat on American streets would be far too conspicuous. The owner of the car hasn’t been identified, but the vehicle was parked near the Al Oerter Recreation Complex, a facility named for the legendary Olympic discus thrower. One possible place to look for suspects is a luxury car theft ring known to have been operating in the New York and New Jersey area in recent months, stealing Bentleys, Land Rovers and Maseratis. A total of 21 suspects have been charged in conjunction with that ring, according to the New Jersey State Police and Attorney General's office. Cars like this brand-new Lamborghini are extremely distinctive and owning it is almost a bigger deal than driving it for the rich, pompous pricks who tend to own such vehicles……..

- The inevitable has happened. Snoop Dogg has been deep in a giant pile of ganja for most of his life and has bought/been given/passed along so much of the hippie lettuce that he’s practically been running his own pot business for years. If anyone can be called a sticky icky aficionado, it’s Snoop. It’s a mere formality that the rapper and television personality has launched his own cannabis brand he has dubbed Leafs By Snoop. Because pot is legal in Colorado, that’s where the company will sell "the finest quality cannabis one could imagine," according to a release. "Wherever my musical journey has taken me around the world, it’s beautiful to see how chronic leafs are a common source of peace, love and soul that connects us all," Snoop wrote on the company’s website. "Since I’ve been at the forefront of this movement for over 20 years now, I’m a master of marijuana. Leafs By Snoop is truly the first mainstream cannabis brand in the world and proud to be a pioneer." What’s amazing here - aside from the fact that Snoop can't actually own the company because he is not a resident of Colorado - is the fact that he’s willing to get rid of any dank instead of keeping it all for himself. In the end, there are only so many bowls one can pack and so many bongs to fill, so when the state of Colorado legalized both medical and recreational use of marijuana in 2012, this day was inevitable. Hopefully CEO Dogg will be the chief keef product tester, bringing his vast expertise to the process of selecting only the best weed for his customers……….

- Hey residents of Srebrenica, remember those 8,000 Muslim men and boys of yours who wartime Serbs slaughtered 20 years ago and have shown far too little contrition for over the years? How about the Serbian government chips you off a paltry sum of money as a far-too-late, far-too-little apology for that massacre? The number is $5.4 million, money the government will to rejuvenate the Bosnian town. That amount of money may seem like a lot when you see it at first glance, but when you consider the prevalence of government waste and how quickly 5 million euros can go from an impressive sum to, “Where the hell did all of that money go and how did we only get a couple of new sidewalks and a park bench out of it?” that number is much less impressive. Prime Minister Aleksandar Vucic announced the blood money payment at an investment conference in the eastern town, promising that the first 2 million euros will arrive by Monday and that Srebrenica should become a bridge of cooperation between Serbia and Bosnia. However, that bridge has been (allegedly) in the process of being built with hollow gesture after hollow gesture. If any of those gestures meant anything, they wouldn’t keep coming and coming. Anyone who thinks these gestures men anything clearly wasn’t paying attention back in July, when Vucic had to flee events in Srebrenica marking the killings' 20th anniversary because enraged demonstrators blasted he and his entourage with rocks during the funeral of 136 massacre victims found in nearby mass graves. One inalienable truth the whole world ‘round is that when all else fails, you throw a massive pile of money at the problem and hope it goes away……….

- The University of Alabama-Birmingham is a hot fiscal mess right now. The school best known for shuttering its football program last year with its administration claiming it lacked the finances to keep the team alive only to face a massive backlash and an investigation that revealed its fiscal claims were bogus, then have to double back and revive the program when a grassroots campaign raised money to bring football back. Now, UAB is an the awkward position of not being able to cover the full cost of attendance for its student-athletes this year and if not for men’s basketball coach Jerod Haase, this situation could have taken an ugly turn. Haase stepped in to donate $46,000, or $23,000 to the men's and women's basketball teams, to make sure athletes on both squads had their tuition covered. The coach decided to pay the bulk of players' stipends out of his own pocket and did so while drawing no attention to himself and being reticent to even talk about it. He later addressed it and while a guy who makes $1 million annually, $46,000 is a relatively minor sum, but he explained that for the goals the university has for its programs, covering the full cost of attendance was vital. "Jerod's generosity is appreciated. To make that type of commitment shows what type of person he is,” women's coach Randy Norton said. UAB athletic director Mark Ingram said that the school will pay for the cost of attendance for all student-athletes beginning in the next budget cycle, but came up short  because the budget already had been determined when the NCAA passed the cost of attendance -- money given to players to help pay for college attendance, travel and other expenses. Given the way the university treated the football team and its issues financing scholarships for basketball - its two biggest sports - its other, lower-profile teams should probably keep their eyes peeled for a giant ax being swung at their budgets going forward……….

Guatemala's anti-crime tax, NFLers taunting police dogs and "LEGO Movie" gender-bending

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- Ray-Ray needs to dial-dial down his stupidity. Ray-Ray would be Oakland Raiders linebacker Ray-Ray Armstrong, who is being investigated by the Allegheny County Sheriff's Office for allegedly taunting a K-9 service dog before Oakland's game Sunday against the Pittsburgh Steelers. The idea of an NFLer talking junk or otherwise deliberately antagonizing a police dog when that player should be worried about getting ready for a game is equal parts idiocy and ridiculousness, but the best part of this entire mess is that the alleged crime would be considered a third-degree felony in Pennsylvania. Armstrong could face charges by the end of the week for allegedly barking at the dog, lifting up his shirt and pounding his chest between exiting the locker room and entering the field area for warm-ups, according to police. Bro, what the hell are you doing? Are you 12 years old or an NFL veteran? The dog was reportedly extremely agitated and the deputy handling it was doing her best to keep the canine from going off completely and making Armstrong feel the toothy consequences of his moronic actions. The sheriff's office notified the Steelers, the NFL and the Raiders of the investigation and has already interviewed witnesses and obtained video surveillance, which captured a portion of the incident. Armstrong was not interviewed before he left town and has refused to comment on the story, but he could still face league discipline if arrested. Believe it or not, the reason he’s even in Oakland is because the St. Louis Rams cut him last season for committing an excessive number of penalties. It’s hard to imagine such a disciplined guy doing something silly like racking up too many penalties………

- The fact that about 95 percent of crimes go unpunished in Guatemala is sad. That the government is weighing a temporary anti-crime tax to strengthen domestic prosecutors' offices seems a little desperate, but given the state of affairs in the Central American nation, perhaps worthwhile. The proposal to institute such a tax was put forth by a U.N. anti-impunity commission that’s involved because the United Nations feels so bad for poor, downtrodden Guatemala that it’s lending a hand trying to fix what’s broken with the country’s judicial system. Ivan Velasquez is the head of the U.N. commission and noted that  a similar tax was imposed to finance the 1996 peace accords that ended 36 years of civil war. The proposal has drawn mixed results, including by a man who just happens to head up the country's leading industry association.  Javier Zepeda leads that organization and you might be stunned to know that he opposes any new taxes right now. But hell, maybe Guatemala feels like it doesn’t need any stinking help these days because its anti-crime and anti-corruption forces are riding high after forcing the resignation of former president Otto Perez Molina for his links to a corruption scandal. Still, when ONLY 5 PERCENT OF CRIMES IN YOUR COUNTRY ARE ACTUALLY PROSECUTED, maybe it’s time to consider doing something new, lest your country devolve into even more of an unregulated cesspool of evil and violence where no one wants to visit and those who live there stay mostly because they’re too poor to get the hell out and find a country to live where at least half of the criminals are punished………

- Gender-bending in “The LEGO Batman Movie?” What the hell is going on here? It’s fine that the children’s building block toys originally wants to lampoon one of the most iconic superhero franchises of all-time and turn it into an animated children’s movie….but you cannot freak with the gender identities of key players in the story. Even though Christopher Nolan and Christian Bale have both said they’re done with the Batman franchise and it’s therefore available to be picked up and run with by someone else, it’s just not cool that Commissioner Gordon, a character who has traditionally been portrayed as male in all Batman projects and yet now has aging pop star Mariah Carey attached to it for the upcoming “Lego Batman Movie.” Carey is reportedly in talks to provide the voice of Gotham's police chief, which could make life confusing for fans of Fox’s current Batman prequel-style drama “Gotham,” which features Benjamin McKenzie in the James Gordon role. Gary Oldman took on the role in Nolan's “Dark Knight” trilogy and yet, here we have an overly sexualized female pop singer potentially poised to join a growing cast led by Will Arnett, who is reprising his role as Batman from “The Lego Movie,” as well as Michael Cera, who is voicing Robin, and Rosario Dawson, who is voicing Batgirl. Add in Ralph Fiennes as Batman's butler Albert Pennyworth and Zach Galifianakis portraying the Joker and you have yourself quite a star-voiced group. “The LEGO Batman Movie” will be the first of three Lego-based films in the works and is tentatively slated for release in February 2017………

- The stress of the holiday seasons can be too much for some to bear. The constant hustle and bustle, the added demands on time, the push to get so much done before a given holiday arrives, the financial constraints gift-giving puts on a person’s wallet….it can be an awful lot. It’s a good thing, then, that an unidentified United States Postal Service employee didn’t even make it to the heart of the holiday season before she got her ass fired. This slacker, whose name will eventually come out because the Internet, was out making deliveries recently when she had a package containing expensive electronic equipment that was supposed to be delivered to the door of one Hassan Hamze. It should have been a simple, fast delivery in part because it was one freaking package and secondly because Hamze was not home at the time. Taking that box to the door, knocking and then leaving it tucked behind a potted plant next to the door should have taken less than a minute, but a minute was something the delivery woman did not have. Rather than do her freaking job, she did as little as possible, pulling up outside Hamze's house in Greensboro, North Carolina and giving the package containing a high-tech lock worth $199 for Hamze’s front door a nice, two-handed toss out the side of her ride. She might have gotten away with her slacker-tastic display of incompetence if not for a motion-activated camera on Hamze's doorstep that captured the haphazard treatment of his package and amazingly, he wasn’t down with what went down. He contacted the post office, showed them the video and next thing you know, a person who most certainly would have blown a gasket if asked to deliver a truck full of Christmas packages now has plenty of free time on her hands to get some anger management counseling………

Pothead v. giant NFL flag, Canada taking a big dump and Busta Rhymes bustin' heads

- There are few places where elitism and arrogance are more of a prerequisite than Yale University. The rich, entitled 1-percenters who call Yale their home for college go there because they think they’re better than everyone else and they want a school they think is better than every other school. So why is it such a big deal that the bros at the campus’ chapter of the Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity had themselves a very exclusionary party recently? The storm began when the fraternity turned a woman away from a party because she was not white. According to the chick who apparently wasn’t cool enough or light-skinned enough for the SAE bros, a fraternity brother at the party said they were looking for "white girls only." As one might expect from a bunch of future senators, lawyers and chief executive douche bags, the fraternity denies the brother said that. Not everyone seems to believe them, based on the hundreds of Yale students and supporters who marched across campus to protest what they see as racial insensitivity at the Ivy League school. The so-called "March of Resilience" followed several racially charged incidents at Yale and came shortly after the president of the University of Missouri stepped down following growing racial strife on his campus. At the Yale march, students held signs with slogans such as "Don't Look Away” and they chanted in unison,  "We out here. We've been here. We ain't leaving. We are loved," as they marched from the Afro-American Cultural Center across campus and past the Sigma Alpha Epsilon house. Further fueling this fire was an email from a faculty member who objected to a request from the Intercultural Affairs Committee that students avoid wearing racially insensitive Halloween costumes, such as Native American headgear, turbans or blackface. Man, if you can't be a heinous racist on a college campus where you’re paying $50,000 a year to attend, then where can you be a bigot………….

- Is he really Busta Rhymes, or is he Busta Head Open? That depends on whose story you believe in the tale of the past-his-prime rapper known as Trevor Tahiem Smith Jr. and the dude at whose head Smith allegedly hurled a bottle of protein shake at a New York City gym earlier this year. Smith, a.k.a. Busta Rhymes, has pleaded guilty to harassment after being accused of the bottle chuck. It allegedly went down at Steel Gym in the neighborhood of Chelsea at around 8:30 p.m., at which time Smith allegedly found himself in a confrontation with a gym employee. In an act that typifies the Godsmack-listening, sleeves-eschewing, ‘roid-raging creature that is Gym Guy, Smith allegedly threw a carton of strawberry-flavored protein drink at the man's head, leaving the victim bruised. The pec-popping ragers who carry around gallon jugs of water with them throughout the day and gorge on meals featuring red meat, white meat and more meat because protein is king often have enough ‘roids coursing through their veins to put them on the edge of a full-on emotional explosion any time of the day, so crossing them is a dicey proposition. That gym lackey/glorified towel-picker-upper is lucky Rhymes picked a cardboard jug of protein mix and not a medicine ball or this could have ended badly. Smith was initially d charged with felony assault following the incident, but had the charge downgraded to harassment, which is a misdemeanor.  "The criminal charges, especially charging him with a felony, was a bunch of bull," the rapper's lawyer, Scott Leemon, said. "Busta and I are glad the district attorney’s office agreed to drop all the criminal charges." Big ups for not using your client’s actual legal name even though this is, ya know, an official legal matter, counselor……….

 

- Looks like you picked a winner, Canada. When selecting a new environment minister, you want someone who is going to look after your ecosystem, treat it with care and responsibility and make sure that no one is polluting the planet in ways that are wholly avoidable and irreversible. Oh, and one who will approve Montreal's plan to discharge 2.1 billion gallons of untreated sewage into the St. Lawrence River. Enter Environment Minister Catherine McKenna, who had barely taken office when she revealed that she's asking the city to implement several measures before dumping the waste water, including monitoring the discharge and improving emergency-planning clean-up measures. Right, because you can totally eliminate all potential negative effects of dumping raw sewage into a river if only you tighten up those clean-up measures and keep tabs on how much literal crap you’re dumping into the water. McKenna capitulated after Montreal Mayor Denis Coderre said the dump is necessary because the city must temporarily close a large sewer that feeds sewage to a treatment facility. In an extremely shady election-related move, the previous government suspended the dumping plan during the campaign, only to revive it once the people had cast their ballots. Well-played, Canada. U.S. Sen. Charles Schumer, a New York Democrat whose state could see possible impacts from the tainted river water, had asked U.S. environmental regulators to work with Canada to stop it, but the U.S. Environmental Protection Agency insists that it has no regulatory authority, making this the first time ever America has allowed itself to be bullied by Canada when than poseur ass hat Justin Bieber isn’t involved………

- We all know that guy. We all hate that guy. Daniel Justin Raboni of North Palm Beach, Florida is that guy. That guy, simply put, is the one whose happiness in life is far too dependent on the success or failure of his favorite football team. That guy hates his life, he’s bitter that things haven’t turned out the way he hoped, he can’t stand his kids, he’s sick and tired of his wife and his job sucks, so the only thing that makes him feel better is the three-hour span on Sunday when his team takes the field and he can escape from the rest of his crappy life. When that guy’s team wins, he’s peaking for the rest of the week and none of the losers around him can bring him down. But when his team loses, look the hell out. You get scenes like the one that went down just after the New York Giants beat the Buccaneers 32-18 Sunday evening in a defeat plagued by fumbles, penalties and just one touchdown for Raboni’s beloved Buccaneers. After watching his team look like the last-place squad everyone had them pegged as entering the season, Raboni decided to take a stand and make a statement. Unfortunately for Raboni, he’s a moron and therefore, his plan crashed and burned - or didn’t burn, as it were. He was arrested and charged with felony criminal mischief and marijuana possession after attempting to set an oversized Tampa Bay Buccaneers flag on fire, a flag located outside Raymond James Stadium. The red banner features a skull and two crossed cutlasses and measures about 80 feet by 50 feet. It hangs from a 15-story pole and it became Raboni’s target for his disappointment in the team it represents. Raboni attempted to see the flag on fire, but an anonymous tipster alerted police to the fact that someone was attempting to torch the $26,000 flag outside the Bucs' corporate offices and from there, it was only a matter of time before it ended badly. The fire-retardant flag did not actually go up in flames and only a small portion of it was damaged. The fact that Raboni was either under the influence of drugs or was planning to be soon after his attempted feat of strength based on the pot possession charge should surprise exactly no one, but as always, at least he had a good reason for trying to ruin his own life……….

Johnny Depp as a garden gome, Riot Watch! Romania and Lindsey Vonn gets bitten

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- The New York Public Library does give a sh*t. Libraries generally get walked all over because they are toothless entities with no power to enforce much of anything by way of rules and penalties, so much so that decades-old library fines were the subject of a memorable “Seinfeld” episode back in the day. Yet an inability to track you down and make you fork over that $11.75 you owe from the copy of “Gulliver’s Travels” you borrowed for a book report and never returned in 1997 doesn’t mean the NYPL is going to lay down and let people take advantage of it - even if its ability to assert itself comes in a rather, um, unusual and unsanitary realm. The Morrisania branch in the Bronx is going to war with, of all groups, toilet paper thieves. As odd as it seems, the branch has suffered a rash of toilet paper thefts and the practice has become so frequent that library staffers put up a sign warning readers that “stealing is punishable by the law.” Threatening signs in public places always intimidate people into doing whatever the sign commands them to do, so this one should be solved, right?  "If you are caught stealing the bathroom tissue from dispenser, you will be barred permanently from all New York Public Libraries," the sign reads. How? Is the library going to post wanted posters or have facial recognition software running in tandem with its security cameras so police can bar banned patrons? Will there be 325-pound bouncers in tight black t-shirts to keep out the riff-raff? According to the sign, restrooms will be inspected "immediately after each person leaves" to see if any tissue is missing or if the dispenser has been damaged. That’s a plum job, being the person sent into an unsanitary public restroom to count the number of single-ply sheets still on the roll after someone has done their business. According to a library spokesperson, the sign is not an official library directive and the policy is shaky at best……….

- Here’s the latest reminder that rich, famous people - and especially professional athletes - are just like the rest of us. They may have better toys, bigger bank accounts and attend parties the rest of us could never get into, but in the everyday, nuts-and-bolts portions of life, there is no difference, as proven by American skier and former Tiger Woods arm candy Lindsey Vonn. Vonn, who seems to always be injured and couldn't defend her Olympic downhill crown last year later in Sochi because of a serious knee injury, went under the knife again recently and her plight is one with which many can relate. Vonn had to get stitches in her right thumb and could have sustained even more damage if she weren't so lucky when she was bitten while trying to break up a fight between her dogs over a Frisbee. Vonn detailed the incident on her Twitter account and also posted a video of her injured thumb on Instagram, showing a gnarly, red them all stitched up. "This is what I get," Vonn said on her Instagram account. She gave credit to U.S. ski team physician Dr. Randy Viola for fixing her mangled digit and she can add the injury to the list of maladies from which she’s recovering, on top of a broken left ankle from a crash during training three months ago. In spite of the two injuries, she plans to be ready for a World Cup giant slalom in Aspen, Colorado, at the end of the month. Maybe it’s time to take out some insurance on that thumb though, because she also sliced it on a champagne bottle back in 2009. Wear a protective glove on that digit, L., or tell your dogs Leo and Bear that your thumb is not part of that orange, plastic disk they’re fighting over. Then again, how much are those two beasts with bloated egos going to listen when you’ve created their very own Instagram account for them………

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Romania has been full of rage for some time now, but that rage has boiled over in the wake of a nightclub fire in Bucharest that killed at least 44 people and exposed some major problems within the government based on its response to the disaster. The Oct. 30 nightclub fire, which many Romanians blame on a weak enforcement of regulations and corruption, has become a tipping point in the fight against a troubled government and it sparked a wave of protests late last week that helped push the current regime to resign. Prime Minister Victor Ponta resigned on Wednesday, but even that wasn’t enough to placate the angry masses, who kept on raging against the machine on account of their deep, lingering  social dissatisfaction with an often-corrupt political order that has been in power  since the transition from communist dictatorship to democracy a quarter century ago. The main hindrance for the resistance is its current lack of a specific leader, but the motivation from the fire and its fallout is fueling a potent push right now. Seeing the same people in power for 25 years as the country gets worse and worse has been a slow march toward a combustible ending with public support rising for anti-corruption prosecutors led by Laura Codruta Kovesi. The prosecutors have intensified their anti-corruption drive in the past couple of years, notching a record 1,051 convictions in 2014, up from 743 the year before. That number is expected to rise this year and after a former prime minister, seven former ministers, a former deputy prime minister, four lawmakers, one European Parliament lawmaker, 39 mayors, 25 magistrates and two business tycoons were convicted in 2014, it’s exciting to wonder who might be next. What’s nice is that all the major parties in Romania's Parliament have been touched by the corruption probes and convictions, so none can portray themselves as a beacon of clean governance in the midst of the filth. The ruling Social Democratic Party and its junior partner, the National Union for the Progress of Romania, as well as the opposition Liberal Party, are all dirty and they’re why thousands of people jammed University Square in Bucharest to give up part of their weekend and lash out at their dishonest leaders……….

- At least Johnny Depp won't be putting up five pounds of ridiculous makeup for this one. Depp has gone almost exclusively to roles that require him to drastically alter his appearance - often in comical, makeup-powered ways - in recent years, but no appearance alterations are needed when one agrees to voice the titular character of “Sherlock Gnomes,” a 2018 MGM and Paramount Animation film. Depp will step in as part of the garden gnome-themed franchise, which started with 2011's “Gnomeo And Juliet.” He will join the likes of James McAvoy and Emily Blunt in a project based humorously on Shakespeare's “Romeo And Juliet.” Given that the first film in the animated franchise banked almost $200 million on a global scale against a $36 million budget, the making of one or more sequels was a guarantee. The new movie will see Blunt and McAvoy's characters – Juliet and Gnomeo – seeking the help of Depp’s detective character to  investigate a string of garden gnome disappearances in London. “Kung Fu Panda” director John Stevenson will helm the project, which is scheduled to hit theaters on Jan. 12, 2018. Here’s hoping Depp creates less drama on this one that he did for (allegedly) storming off the set of the latest “Pirates Of The Caribbean” film in Australia.  Word on the street was that Depp fled the scene of “Pirates Of The Caribbean: Dead Men No Tales” in Queensland, Australia, but the official story was that he injured his hand in an off-set injury in March and left Australia to fly home to the United States for treatment. After he had a pin inserted into the hand, shooting was delayed by a month, but went on after that. Voicing a garden gnome detective should be a bit less demanding…….

FEMA f*cks up to the tune of $6 million, Ozzy's Alamo apology and NBA Twitter beefing

- NBA Twitter beefs. They’re a thing again. You might remember that back in April, the Houston Rockets fired their social media manager for getting loose with a tweet that featured a gun emoji next to a horse emoji - sending the message that it’s off to the glue factory for Mr. Ed - to mock the rival Dallas Mavericks after a Rockets win. Because teams’ social media accounts seem to be one of the most poorly-guarded sources of potential public relations disasters, such incidents are typically blamed on interns and lackeys, but they’re a problem nonetheless and so the Los Angeles Clippers find themselves in the midst of a Twitter sh*tstorm. Feeling mighty proud for a team that had just lost 112-108 at Golden State, someone working for the Clippers decided to soften the blow of losing to one of the team’s most-hated rivals by finding a scapegoat and mocking that scapegoat for suffering an even uglier loss two nights earlier. Enter the Memphis Grizzlies, who sustained a 119-69 ass-kicking at the hands of those same Warriors on Monday. Following the Clippers’ loss, their official Twitter account posted the losing score followed by the hashtag #didntloseby50, referencing the Grizzlies' defeat. As always happens in such situations, the tweet was soon removed because those responsible refuse to admit or are simply ignorant of the fact that the Internet is in ink and deleting a tweet or post does little good because screen captures exist and allows those posts to live on forever in infamy. Grizzlies guard Tony Allen called for the employee responsible for the tweet to be fired and teammate Courtney Lee called it “childish,” but other than saying that the employee who sent out the tweet was disciplined but not fired, the Clippers seem content to let this one slide………

- Last one out, turn of the lights in Bujumbura….assuming the power is still on and there are lights to turn off. The impoverished nation in central Africa is not a great place to be right now, which is probably why hordes of panicked people are fleeing parts of its capital city ahead of a looming security crackdown that has raised fears of a wave of killings. The panic is being driven by a government-issued deadline to turn in illegal weapons or face extraordinary police action, a deadline that inspired at the end of last week. Why is the government demanding something that the Burundi N.R.A. - if trigger-happy gun-rights kooks formed clubs in poor African countries - would find extremely offensive? Because the United Nations estimates that at least 198 people have been killed in Burundi since late April following President Pierre Nkurunziza’s announcement that his bid that was ultimately successful for a third term in office. That news didn’t sit well with a lot of people judging by the hot mess of homicides, which have raised international concern. Nkurunziza has exacerbated tensions by telling police to use all means necessary to restore order, which is a problem because most observers place blame for the killings on those same security forces the president is giving carte blanche in its efforts to restore order. It reeks of a corrupt, tyrannical leader trying to silence all who would oppose his dubious third term in office. Given that at least 13 people have died in the past week and many of them have come from Bujumbura neighborhoods that are opposition strongholds, this whole situation reeks………

- Nothing says sincere apology quite like expressing contrition on camera. That apology is even better when it comes from a mumbling, bumbling, drug-addled, worn-out rock star whose level of mental competence is a fraction of what it used to be. In other words, hope you enjoyed that bizarro moment you had recently with Black Sabbath frontman Ozzy Osbourne, who recently returned to the Alamo, the very historical monument where he was arrested in 1982 for public urination. The monument, one of the calling cards for any visit to San Antonio, was formerly known as the site of a vital battle in the Texas revolution, one  that saw the Mexican Army attack the Alamo Mission. In 1982, it became the place where a rock star who was probably peaking on any number of illegal narcotics at the time was arrested for leaving his hotel room to drink in his wife's dress after Sharon Osbourne hid his clothes to try and prevent him going out, getting liquored up and dropping trou to take a piss on history. He later claimed - in a move that amazingly managed to make his gesture even more offensive - that he thought the Alamo was merely a giant heap of trash. After not making things any better, Osbourne was banned from ever playing in San Antonio again, though he later had the ban lifted by donating a scant $10,000 to the group that runs and protects the monument. His most recent visit to the site was with his rug-headed son Jack to formally apologize, albeit for a television show that will air on History Channel. Then again, all of this is drumming up more publicity for the Alamo and even though the apology was probably slurred and mumbled to the point of indecipherability, it’s the thought that counts………

- Stunning news abounds in the world. In an age when government efficiency and efficacy are qualities in abundance in every civilized nation around this spinning sphere of ours, it’s simply shocking to hear that the brilliant bureaucrats of the Federal Emergency Management Agency can’t adequately account for more than 70 percent of the money spent on fuel for New York in the aftermath of Hurricane Sandy, the super storm that pounded the New York City area in October 2012. A federal audit released late last week found that FEMA spent $6.37 million for 1.7 million gallons of fuel as a gasoline shortage struck the storm region, but there was "incomplete and questionable" documentation for $4.56 million of that spending. An audit by the Office of Inspector General at the Department of Homeland Security also revealed that $1.81 million worth of fuel went to recipients outside the scope of work that FEMA established for the crisis, so virtually all of that money spent either vanished into thin air or was directed to people who weren't supposed to receive it. Bang-up work, FEMA. To clarify, you ass hats can't be sure any of that fuel went to approved power restoration or emergency public transportation work in New York and worse still, FEMA officials agreed with all of the report’s recommendations, which include recovering lost funds and devising new procedures. "FEMA concurred with all of the OIG recommendations for rectifying the issues identified in their recent report and improving mission assignment effectiveness going forward,” a FEMA spokesperson said. “FEMA takes seriously its duty to ensure fiscal responsibility during disaster relief operations, and has been reimbursed by New York for more than $2.1 million." Yeah, saying that you “take seriously your duty to ensure financial responsibility” rings somewhat hollow when more than $6 million is wasted in the wake of a potent storm that knocked out power to gas stations, caused widespread flooding and cut gasoline-supply lines from ports. Not only did you fail to do what your name implies, manage problems in the wake of emergencies, but you f*cked over a lot of people in the process………..

$11,000 Kenyan iMacs, Denver needs bong water and more sports governing body corruption

- Rhys Ifans gets it….kinda. Ifans, who played the main villain in the 2012’s “The Amazing Spider-Man,” Dr. Curt Connors a.k.a. The Lizard, is on the other side of the umpteenth unnecessary remake of a franchise that Hollywood seems intent on recycling at a rate that would exhaust most aluminum cans and now that he’s emerged from the mire and had time to ponder, he’s seeing the world more clearly. He’s still partially missing the point, but give him credit for trying. Ifans, speaking about the new Spider-Man movie set for release on May 5, 2017 as the first to be made by Sony in collaboration with Marvel, said the entire franchise "needs a kick up its arse." The Welsh actor reflected on his own part in the ‘chise, which  ultimately failed to live up to his expectations. "Anthropologically, it was fascinating. If I was an anthropologist, it would have been very valuable... As an actor, it was a lesson," Ifans said. "As I got into it, I remember looking into The Lizard and there was one of the comics where Dr. Curt Connors goes home, and he's messing about with his Lizard-ness. He takes his work home with him, and he eats his kids. "I remember thinking at the time, 'That's the film I want to be in.'” That side of his character was never explored or developed in the film and he seems a little bitter about it. "Whatever you're told and promised at the beginning of something, when it comes to franchises like that, it's never ever going to be what ends up on screen," Ifans concluded. Asked about the latest remake of a remake of a remake with English actor Tom Holland in the title role, Ifans first said he had no opinion, then said it “needs a kick up the arse." Or a kick to the curb, but one or the other……..

- Welcome to the big time, Kenya. Major world powers don’t run without running inefficiently due to rampant corruption in the ranks and if you’re ever going to ascend from Third World also-ran to legit player on the global scene (hint: you won't) then you need to learn how to play the game the right way. If you ask the chairman of a parliamentary committee in Kenya charged with oversight on government spending, the country may be well ahead in the quest to pork its way to the top. Yes, when hand-pushed wheelbarrows have been purchased at $1,000 each and your government is buying up ball-point pens that usually cost 10 cents for $85 apiece, it’s safe to say that there are some inequities in the system. Oh, and it’s not clear which version of the iMac Kenya bought from Apple and what sort of hardware upgrades they purchased for it, but someone may want to check into that purchase of a desktop computer for a cool $11,000. Committee chairman Nicholas Gumbo - he would be a rock star in New Orleans - cited these and other good bits of news as examples of misspending that the Parliamentary Accounts Committee is investigating. According to Chef, er, Chairman Gumbo, the committee is investigating a government department that had listed sex toys as assets, meaning that they had been purchased using taxpayers' money.  Duh. Obviously no one wants to pay for their own sex toys, not when they have to spend $11,000 for a computer bro. It’s no secret that corruption is endemic in Kenya, but this recent wave of revelations about graft on a near-daily basis has somewhat pissed off the public as the government says it's borrowing money to plug holes in the budget. Odds are those holes were created by a worker swinging a $7,500 sledgehammer while wearing $2,000 work gloves………

- Prepare to be stunned, world. The former leader of a governing body for international sports has been accused of being thoroughly corrupt and rotten to the core. No, it’s not an ex-president of the International Olympic Committee or someone associated with Sepp Blatter’s dirty tenure running FIFA. This time, it’s former IAAF President Lamine Diack who has been placed under investigation by French authorities for corruption and money-laundering charges. Diack, who stepped down in August after 16 years in charge of track and field's governing body - trying to beat the authorities out the back door before they can serve the warrant on you, L? - and is suspected of taking money from Russia to hide positive doping tests. Yes, this story involves both dirty athletes from a communist country and corrupt bureaucrats accused of taking payola to keep those athletes eligible to compete. Track and field is already one of the dirtiest sports around, right alongside swimming and cycling, so this is arguably the least surprising sports news you could come up with if you sat down and tried to type out the most predictable sports story ever. The French office that handles financial prosecutions says a legal adviser to Diack, Habib Cisse, is also under investigation by judges acting on evidence provided by the World Anti-Doping Agency. Mix in Gabriel Dolle, who was the director of the IAAF's anti-doping department and has been taken into custody in the south of France, and you have yourselves a legit and wide-reaching scandal that will result in exactly zero change happening in the sport because, well, corruption is undefeated and dollars are the mightiest weapon of all in the fight to keep sports filthy…….

- Denver seems an unlikely candidate to become an honorary Californian city by having exactly .005 percent of the usable water it needs to sustain its daily existence. After all, the unofficial capital of Stoner-Topia is in the mountains, surrounded by snow and a mile closer to the clouds than most towns, so it should have no problems staying hydrated….right? Umm, then why, on a recent weekday, was a massive drilling rig boring  hole deep beneath the city and why was Leonard Rice Engineers contracted to bore that hole by the Denver Water Department? Because Denver Water is exploring the feasibility of pumping water far under the city into the massive Denver Basin aquifer system to keep it there until the next dry spell. According to Denver Water resource engineer Bob Peters, drought is an imminent threat even for Denver because the city only receives 15 inches of rainfall a year and most of its water comes from the mountain snowpack. That mountain snowpack melts and runs downstream, supplying water for much of the nation, including the always-arid Southwest. Should the snowpack fail, the effects reach far beyond the region and even a  secondary source of water from underground aquifers which nature filled over the course of millions of years don’t help much because humans are draining them at an alarming rate. The aquifer system under the city of Denver covers an area the size of the Connecticut, but the Denver Basin ground water is non-renewable and just like a nice, hot plate of pot brownies, once you plow through that water, it’s gone. Thus, the city is  taking its renewable water supplies and injecting them into the aquifer to keep the aquifer replenished. Denver is merely following the example of cities such as Phoenix, Wichita and San Antonio, which are  already banking water underground. If this wacky plan works, Denver will begin taking snowpack runoff and pumping into the underground basin within the next year or two. If it fails, well, there may not be enough water to fill everyone’s bongs soon………

James Franco + The Smiths, MMAers vs. hotel intruders and Gum Wall makeovers

- Duuuuuuude. Ohio may have whiffed Tuesday on its chance to do the right thing for its resident stoners, but Mexico gets it. America’s southern neighbor threw the door open to ganja freedom this week when its supreme court ruled that growing, possessing and smoking marijuana for recreation are legal under a person's right to personal freedoms. Read that sentence again, potheads. Mexico’s foremost legal minds have declared that it is a fundamental human right to grow, carry and burn the hippie lettuce whenever and wherever they want. The caveat for this ruling is that for now, it covers only the plaintiffs in one case, a group of people wanting to form a pot club. Sure, this landmark ruling did not approve the sale or commercialization of marijuana, nor is it expected to lead to general legalization, but if one group of stoners can create a club and pretend it’s a legit organization rather than a dozen uninspired, unmotivated slackers with an affinity for Phish and “Beavis and Butthead” reruns who like to get together in someone’s back yard and pack a bowl with the best dank they can find, then why can’t stoners across Mexico do the same after this measure was approved in 4-1 vote on the five-justice panel? Big ups to the four cool judges on the panel who gave this one a thumbs-up and if he court rules the same way on five similar petitions, it would then establish the precedent to change the law and allow general recreational use. It’s a great day for lovers of the hippie lettuce across the drug-addled nation, so spark a blunt and raise it high in celebration………

- Does this sound like the ultimate self-indulgent, artsy endeavor of a flaky actor who wants to use his fame as a springboard into something he probably shouldn’t be doing on a professional level? Yes, but let James Franco have his fun. Franco has himself a band unimaginatively titled Daddy and it seems Daddy has snagged a record deal it will turn into a rather high-minded attempt at music. The band have signed a record deal and will release an album and film inspired by The Smiths and while indie rock fans and those who just like being melancholy have long loved The Smiths, recording an album “inspired” by them is a bit pompous. The title itself is ripped almost directly from Morrissey and Co., with 'Let Me Get What I Want' in reference to The Smiths' 1984 song 'Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want.' Daddy’s album will be released in 2016 via Kobalt. The band is a collaboration between Franco and multi-instrumentalist Tim O’Keefe and to really infuse that Smiths feeling into every note and chord, The Smiths bassist Andy Rourke will also feature on every track.  "We are really excited to partner with Kobalt on our upcoming Daddy album and film," Franco and O'Keefe said. "Kobalt has the right forward-thinking approach to work with a project as unique as ours, where we see our work not only existing within the music realm, but extending into the film, art space and beyond on an independent basis." Franco is something of an artsy guy, having previously written poetry influenced by The Smiths’ songs, and spoken at length about his admiration of Morrissey. To top off the overly artsy feel here, every last song on the new album will have a music video, and the 10 clips will together form an hour-long art film………..

- Seattle is a sticky place for many visitors to the famed Pike Place Market. While the famed fish tossing is the primary thing for which the market is known, those who have been there have also been able to enjoy the living, gelatinous biohazard that is the Gum Wall. The wall was started 20 years ago by people waiting in line for a late night improv show and over the years, it has grown to eight feet high and over 54 feet wide, with approximately 150 piece of gum per brick. According to Pike Place Market, an estimated one million gum wads cover the wall - or at least they did. For the first time in 20 years, the market plans to clean all the gum off the wall and here’s hoping lots of liquid nitrogen, many long-handled tools and biohazard suits are involved for whoever it unfortunate enough to be tasked with the cleaning process. It will begin early next week, when the steam-cleaning process begins. The cleaning process is expected to take multiple days due to the volume of gum on the walls and if that alone isn't enough to jump-start your gag reflex, then maybe it’s time to recalibrate. Prior to the cleanup, the market is holding a contest for Gum Wall photos and if you can snag a good one without getting too close to this disgusting mess, go for it. Padlocks on a bridge in Paris and names scrawled on the fence outside Abbey Road Studios in London it ain’t, but every city needs something and in the event space needles and world-class markets don’t do it for you, the Gum Wall may suffice. Once the wall is cleaned and is not longer a health hazard, people will be allowed to put gum on it once more. Score one for participatory art……..

- There have been several incidents around the world in recent years featuring criminals, creepers and wrongdoers having the misfortune of committing their dastardly deeds against or in the presence of a mixed martial artists. Those encounters have typically ended with said wrongdoers in a choke hold, sleeper hold or unconscious, but if more MMAers responded the way UFC light heavyweight Dan Henderson did when faced with the unexpected, the world would be a much more peaceful place. Henderson will face Vitor Belfort Saturday in Sao Paulo, Brazil, in the main event of a Fox Sports 1-televised card and as he gets ready for the bout, let’s just say that he’s not necessarily having the sort of low-key, relaxing week of preparation for which one might hope leading up to a big fight. Henderson revealed via a slightly hilarious, eerily calm and borderline creepy Instagram video that he returned to his hotel room earlier this week after dinner to find a random stranger asleep on the couch in his room. For most people, this scene would be a reason to panic, perhaps to search for the nearest vase or other blunt object in case the weirdo napping it out on your hotel room couch woke up and turned violent. For Henderson, it was a reason to roll video while he calmly called hotel security and waited for them to arrive. "Yeah, we just ate dinner in the bar downstairs," Henderson says in the footage. "We came back to the room and some guy is passed out drunk on the couch. I don't know how he got in our room." That’s a bit of an awkward situation for the hotel, which now has to explain why it let such an incident occur with a fairly high-profile guest. As for the drunk peaced out on the couch, dude can be thankful that Henderson didn’t decide to take matters into his own hands………

Dallas Cowboys circus drama, Muslim-Jew rage at 35,000 feet and Rihanna bails on the Angels

- Everyone has their own methods for raising a child. Why does the world have such a hard time accepting that? Some like to buy their kids toys, take them to playgrounds and buy them ice cream and some, well, some approach the process the way Arizona resident Paul Armand Rater does. Rater is taking some heat - i.e. being held on suspicion of two counts of child abuse and one count of child endangerment - for allegedly leaving his 5-year-old granddaughter alone in the desert with a loaded handgun while he went to get drinks and a cheeseburger. Should you believe the haters known as Maricopa County authorities, Rater took his granddaughter for a ride in the desert in his new pickup truck and apparently that truck wasn’t so great, because the pair allegedly became stuck and had to walk for help because Raer left his cellphone at home. A cynic might call that strike one against a man who comes out of this looking bad, but hold off on judgment until you hear the entire story. As they walked for help, Rater’s poorly conditioned granddaughter became tired and couldn’t walk any more. At that point, grandpa had a choice to make. He could encourage the girl to keep walking, he could carry her and keep going, he could wait for help … or he could pull out his firearm, put it in the hands of a child and keep on walking. Rater chose the fourth option and proceeded to walk for help, which he thankfully found in the form of icy cold beverages and cheeseburgers at a local restaurant. Yes, putting a loaded gun in the hands of a kindergartner is unconventional child rearing, but the results speak for themselves. A helicopter later located the uninjured girl in rough terrain Rater was found filled and refreshed in a corner booth and if only the law would get off his back, this genius could get back to teaching his granddaughter invaluable life lessons………..

- This is a rarity. Someone is offered a well-paying gig lip-syncing their music alongside über-hot, lingerie-clad models on national television and after agreeing to the offer, hits the eject button at the last minute. Rihanna is willing to buck the trend, which is the first time in recent memory she hasn’t delivered the most canned and predictable offerings imaginable when it comes to her music. She was scheduled to perform at  this year's Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, which is due to take place later this month, but announced this week that she won't take part because she is working on - i.e. having a team of songwrites craft unoriginal pop music crap for her and then recording it before her voice is heavily auto-tuned - her new album “Anti.” She will be replaced on the schedule by Ellie Goulding, whose music is not quite as awful as Rihanna’s. Goulding will join Selena Gomez and The Weeknd for the show, which will air on Dec. 8 and feature models Adriana Lima, Alessandra Ambrosio, Behati Prinsloo, and Candice Swanepoel appearing on the catwalk while Lily Aldridge models a 'Fantasy Bra' worth $2 million. The real fantasy for most watching the show will be what’s inside the bra, but Rihanna won't be around to see the show. She officially launched her eighth studio album in September at a hoity toity gallery party in Los Angeles, during which she revealed both the project’s title and the accompanying artwork. Both are probably going to end up sucking less than the album itself, but props to her for being willing to put in the time and effort necessary to finalize a true piece of musical garbage……….

- As everyone knows, there are unwritten rules about when and how you attack fellow air travelers. Simply put, there are places where it’s OK to throw down with that overhead bin hog, the arm rest co-opter or the blabbermouth who won't just shut the hell up and let you catch some shut eye during a long flight. Minutes before the plane's descent is not one of those times, a fact clearly lost on a Sudanese Muslim who attacked an Israeli citizen on an Ethiopian Airlines flight. According to Ethiopian police in Addis Ababa , the Sudanese man tried to strangle the 54-year-old Israeli passenger, identified as Arik, just before the plane started its downward roll to the runway. "He hit me on the head with a metal tray," Arik said of the incident. "In the beginning I was unable to make a sound or call for help. It was only after a few seconds, when I was on the verge of losing consciousness, that I managed to scream.” Authorities notified the Israeli embassy in Addis Ababa, letting them know how a flight attendant witnessed the attack and alerted cabin crew, who took Arik to the back of the plane while others guarded him. The attacker was detained by and is in custody, but not for a lack of trying to carry out his homicidal mission of terror at 35,000 feet - and falling fast. He urged the other passengers to lynch Arik and when that didn’t work, he went to work on his own. Yes, there is heavy violence between Israelis and Palestinians that began at a major Jerusalem holy site revered by Muslims and Jews, but who could have imagined that a couple of middle-aged dudes flying coach and wondering if it’s too late to ask for another miniature bag of four pretzels prior to landing would take the trend to new heights? Was it too much to ask that the attacker waited until the plane was on the ground, maybe even until he could corner Arik in a men’s restroom stall or bludgeon him at baggage claim with one of those 95-pound, hard plastic trunks that people use to carry half their worldly belongings with them for a six-day vacation? Know the rules, yo………..

- They’ve lost five games in a row, they’re relevant in the playoff race only because they play in the second-worst conference in the NFL and yet, the Dallas Cowboys’ collective Q-rating has never been higher. They have one of the worst human beings walking the planet, woman-abusing, world-class creep Greg Hardy playing defensive end and attacking coaches on the sideline yet being called a leader by owner Jerry Jones, they have All-Pro receiver Dez Bryant being accused of taunting prone opponents while they lay on the turf with serious neck injuries and then being attacked on social media by PETA for owning an allegedly illegal capuchin monkey and now there’s running back Joseph Randle. Randle was one of many wildly disappointing Cowboys who helped the team go from 2-0 to 2-5 in just over a month, but he won't be a part of whatever happens next in the league’s best circus. That’s because the Cowboys broke him off this week after he spent the past seven days or so excused from the team since last week to deal with what the club called a "personal issue." That personal issue is still murky, but given his track record, any additional issues clearly represented a tipping point for a mediocre player who was no longer worth the trouble. Randle’s introduction to the police blotter came in October 2014, when he was charged with stealing a tester bottle of cologne and underwear from a department store because, you know, when you’re a professional athlete, nothing looks better than thieving goods that you can buy with what you win in one hand in a locker room poker game. From there, it only gets worse. In September, Randle met with NFL officials after being cleared legally regarding a domestic violence call in February involving the mother of his son. Then last week, he made a call to police because of concern about the whereabouts of his girlfriend and now, he’s a man without a team who is also facing a suspension for violating the NFL's personal conduct policy for that February incident in Wichita, Kansas. Jones insisted the team was “ready to help” Randle with his life issues even though he no longer plays for them, which is mighty kind given that helping him would probably cost about .00000007 percent of the football fortune Jones earns every season from owning the team………

Because ... Star Trek, French Johnny Mountain denies global warming and PETA vs. NFL-owned monkeys

- This is never a good press conference for an elected official to be forced into calling. Ocala (Fla.) Mayor Kent Guinn was cruising along, presiding over a relatively insignificant city in the Sunshine State when his world was rocked by hackers associated with the infamous hacker consortium known as Anonymous released a list that included him as a member of the white supremacist group that we all know and hate as the Ku Klux Klan. Guinn, a Republican, was one of several politicians whose names appear on the list and while verifying that list could be a tough challenge, even releasing it in the first place creates enough problems that the mayor felt the need to step to a podium, step in front of the cameras and begin his defense. "I can unequivocally tell you that is an absolute lie," Guinn said of that claim that he rocks a white hood and bedsheet and gathers in the woods with other ignoramuses to validate each other’s socialy stunted views on race and society. Anonymous defended the release of the list in an en effort it dubbed "Operation KKK” through a statement in which it said what many already thought of the KKK: “You are more than extremists. You are more than a hate group. You operate much more like terrorists and you should be recognized as such." Anonymous has made a habit of targeting groups with whom is members disagrees and has taken own several Islamic extremist-linked Twitter and Facebook accounts through “Operation ISIS” or #OpISIS. Taking on the KKK shouldn’t really be necessary in the 21st century, but bigots persist and it’s high time someone did something about it………..

- In Disney’s 1994 animated classic “The Lion King,” Timon the Meerkat asked the very pertinent question, “Who’s the monkey?” In 2015, the animal rights kooks of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals are asking not who the monkey is, but who owns the monkey. The PETA ass hats’ concern is that Dallas Cowboys receiver Dez Bryant is the one doing the monkey owning after the troubled wideout posted a photo on Instagram last week introducing the world to "Dallas Bryant," an adorable capuchin monkey. Because everything on social media is scrutinized far too heavily, the post caught PETA’s attention and the group  contacted DeSoto (Tex.) Animal Control to request investigation into Bryant’s “possible illegal possession” of a monkey. “Monkeys belong in the wild—not (for) football players who acquire exotic animals just to make a splash on Instagram, PETA representative Brittany Peet tweeted. The problem is that there is no indication as to whether the monkey actually lives with Bryant, so animal rights groups calling for Dez Bryant to release Dallas Bryant back to the wild may not have two legs and a tail to stand on. They’ll probably be met with the same profanity-laced response that media members received in the locker room after the Dallas Cowboys' loss to the Seattle Seahawks on Sunday when they dared to ask questions as to whether Bryant taunted Seahawks receiver Ricardo Lockette after Lockette was leveled by a vicious block during a kick return. As always, at least all of the drama is about something really important to society and civilization……….

- When, oh when, will TV weathermen learn that their role is getting a good fake tan, overly coiffing their hair, standing in front of a green screen and making marginally accurate forecasts around which losers base their inane small talk in order to feel like they can sufficiently interact with strangers on trains and with co-workers around the water cooler? Not soon enough to help Philippe Verdier. Verdier will henceforth be known as the weatherman for French state television who was fired after releasing and promoting a book ripping politicians, scientists and others for what he calls an exaggerated view of climate change. Yes, it would seem this guy is the first-ever French Republican and while GOP knobs who deny climate change may was to hug him, his bosses did not and his  dismissal from France-2 comes a month before Paris hosts a U.N. conference aimed at the most ambitious worldwide agreement yet to limit global warming. So where does a defrocked weatherman go when he no longer has an outlet for his ignorant views on the air? He posts a video online in which he decries his firing as an attack on media freedom. France Televisions, which owns France-2, doesn’t really need to say anything publicly and so it hasn’t, although the word on the street is that the network believes Verdier had violated ethical rules. But perhaps Verdier’s real crime here is his failure to have a legit weatherman name, like the French equivalent of Johnny Mountain or Dallas Rains or Stormy James. He finally has time to work on such a faux moniker, although finding his next gig might necessitate the Republican Party needs someone to forecast sunny skies for its sh*t storm of a march toward its next presidential nomination……….

- Because…..television. Originality has been dead in Hollywood for so long that it’s no longer worth discussing and everyone has accepted that the only relevant discussion to have is which old, defunct-for-a-reason TV series of movie should be senselessly and lazily revived and turned into a “modern” take on its original premise next. The answer today is “Star Trek,” which will be forging its way into another new frontier in January 2017, when a rebooted take on the iconic sci-fi franchise debuts on CBS’ digital subscription video-streaming service, CBS All Access. To tease dorks and lure them into its online clutches, the network will air a preview broadcast on air, but the first episode and the rest of the series will be available only through the streaming service. This will be the first time “Star Trek” has boldly gone online and this new series will feature new characters traveling to never-seen-before planets. Diehard Star Trek fans can cling to continuity in at least one sense, as Alex Kurtzman, the co-writer and producer of 2009’s feature film “Star Trek” and the 2013 sequel “Star Trek Into Darkness,” will be the executive producer on the series. Bypassing television and going straight to online avenues is a way for CBS to try to latch onto the momentum of outlets such as Netflix and Hulu and a recent Nielsen report shows that traditional TV viewing is down across all age groups except among those age 65 and up. The original “Star Trek” first premiered on NBC on Sept. 8, 1966 and trying to make it relevant in the modern day is a task bigger than and phaser or teleporter can handle……….

Riot Watch! Greek Migrant Edition, dropping Simon Cowell and Olympic horse events in Brazil

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- Let them ride. There are plenty of problems with next summer’s Olympic Games in Brazil, but at least they will contain a bunch of jumping, running equines in the sports that no one actually cares about. That’s because Brazil and the European Union have reached a sanitary agreement that removes the last big hurdle for equestrian events at the Summer Olympics. Brazil’s Olympic Public Authority announced that European regulations for sending horses abroad will be accepted at Rio 2016, a move that matters because most competition horses are based in Europe or abide by European regulations. "By solving this issue with the European Union, we are dealing with most of the 300 horses that will be in the Olympic Games," Brazilian official Pedroso said. "At first we accepted Mercosur's regulations and specially crafted Olympic regulations. With this third option that we agreed on we can accommodate European horses and those that already compete in Europe." The EU and Brazil's Agriculture Ministry came to an agreement amidst fears that equestrian events at Rio 2016 were at risk because horse owners in Europe were not satisfied with sanitary demands made by Brazil. The situation was serious enough that the head of the country's equestrian confederation warned that events for next year's Olympics might have to take place outside Brazil. It’s the sort of arrangement that may have happened a century ago, but dealing with it in the 21st century seemed mighty anachronistic. Brazil has strict regulations for bringing horses to and from the country because it is still subject to diseases affecting horses. In a disturbing situation earlier this year, cases of glanders, a lethal highly contagious bacterial infection, were diagnosed in a few horses stabled at a military facility near the site of the 2016 Olympic equestrian competitions. Mix in the unsanitary, unhealthy conditions in the country’s waterways that has competitors in water-based events for the Olympics seriously concerned and these Games could be an unmitigated dumpster fire…………

- Chain restaurants like Johnny Rockets can be extremely lame and boring. Maybe if there were more people like Angelic Valle filling up the booths at such establishments, they would go from uninspired to jam-packed. Valle, who may or may not have been under the influence of drugs, alcohol or mental illness, livened dinner up for fellow patrons a South Beach Johnny Rockets location by doing what none of them had the personality or disconnection with reality to do. She started to turn what was undoubtedly an overpriced, mediocre meal into a true experience when she turned over several tables and chairs around her. Along the way, she began to disrobe, removing her top to give the entire restaurant a view of her assets. She began to dance in the way that only an inebriated or mentally troubled person can and kicked things up a notch by removing her bikini bottom, then climbing on the table and pouring ketchup on herself. Maybe it was a piece of performance art gone wrong, but when a woman lays naked on a table at diner and poured ketchup on herself, it’s still going to draw a crowd. One witness told police he grabbed a chair to make a barrier while other patrons - mostly men, shockingly - encircled her and waited for police. In spite of this bizarre dance circle, Valle was gone when officers arrived. Yet in another unsurprising development, Valle was eventually tracked down and arrested. She may have taken the hit on this one, but she left that restaurant having made a definite impact on the day of everyone fortunate enough to see her do her thing………

- Finally, the entertainment world gets it right. For years now, television has been a welcoming place for one sh*tty Simon Cowell-conceived reality karaoke show after another. Studio executives has green-lit so many piles of hot, steaming garbage because this smug, wildly overrated Brit’s name was attached to them, but someone has finally grown a pair - and a brain - and stopped one such pile of crap before it could get started. Slow clap for you, Yahoo. After Cowell appeared at this year’s Yahoo NewFront event to promote the reality series “Ultimate DJ,” Yahoo had an epiphany and dropped the show like Cowell has dropped so many hack karaoke-ers over the years in his artificially snarky wit. The premise of the show was to give the tweaker freaks with glow stick necklaces and who are peaking on Ecstasy while spinning butchered electronica versions of songs that weren't very good to begin with a chance to earn a recording contract with Sony. The show was scheduled to debut next spring, but now that Yahoo has wised up, unless another network or streaming service picks up the show, it will not air. That a Simon Cowell show was ditched is unusual, but this particular ditching isn't as big a surprise. It was originally shelved in 2012 before being brought back by Yahoo and a DJ with actual talent, Fatboy Slim, claimed that the idea failed because figures within the dance music industry told Cowell to "f*ck off.” Slim smartly noted that dance music “grows organically through drunk people late at night coming up with stupid ideas. It's not something that can be scripted or transported into a TV studio." Well said, tweaker. Now pass the stickers in the shape of unicorns that are actually laced with X and let’s get this rave going……….

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Migrants remain a divisive issue around Europe, where various nations struggle to cope with waves of displaced refugees crashing their borders in search of a new, safer home. Nowhere is that struggle more real than economically troubled Greece, where a people already chafing under the weight of a financial crisis now have a new reason to be outraged. Some of those angry folks clashed with police guarding a border fence in northern Greece following a series of sea accidents that killed dozens of migrants and a warning from authorities that the death toll is likely rise in coming weeks. That sparked some 500 anti-government protesters to travel from Athens and several towns in northern Greece to throw hands with police near the border with Turkey after challenging a police cordon blocking access to the fence that spans more than six miles. What did these rebels want? To throw the door wide open or refugees by tearing down the fence and allowing the unwashed masses to cross by land instead of risking their lives on the sea crossing to Europe. There is something to be said for making a person earn it rather than making it easy on them, so the government could have a point here when it claims it cannot remove the fence for "practical reasons" and has called on other European Union countries to speed up additional support promised for search and rescue operations in the east Aegean Sea.  On the other hand, anything that sparks an angry mob to don hoods and balaclavas and hurl rocks at police, who responded with tear gas and stun grenades, has to be a positive when it comes to making the world a more interesting place. Best of all, everyone got to head home happy - or happy to still be really upset and free to rage another day - because no arrests or injuries were reported. It was a win all around and sets up what should be some quality future clashes between the two sides………

NBA mattress tales, runaway giant pumkins and you cannot kill "The Walking Dead"

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! It’s always nice to be reminded that while here in the United States, voters are so indifferent that even a bag of cash handed out after casting a ballot may not be enough to overcome their apathy, folks in other corners of the globe truly do give a damn about elections. A prime example of this went down late last week in Pakistan, where police confirmed that clashes between supporters of two political parties have left 11 people dead and dozens injured in southern Pakistan. Pir Mohammad Shah said the lethal clashes broke out in the suburbs of Khairpur town during the first phase of voting for local government positions, leaving 25 others from both sides injured in the melee. The scene was so nasty that army troops had to be called in to control the situation. The good news is that this was merely the first phase of a three-phase election in southern Pakistan's Sindh province and Punjab province in the country's east, so it’s not as if the rage won't go up and the level of violence won’t increase exponentially as the process moves along and the stakes are raised. The remaining phases will be held later this month and next month and while deadly clashes between political opponents are not uncommon in Pakistan, it’s worth wondering if the process would still work should the two sides be willing to injure and maim, but not actually kill their rivals. Something to think about before that next round of essential elections, Pakistan……..

- You still cannot kill “The Walking Dead.” In fact, a show about the undead terrorzing the world is so strong that it has already spawned a spin-off, “Fear The Walking Dead,” which is set for a second 15-episode series next year after a record-breaking first season on AMC. But the original is so often the best and that’s why “Walking Dead” is the top-rated show on television and why the network has announced that the zombie drama will return for a seventh season. The show, based on Robert Kirkman’s Image Comics series, will be right back a mere 11 months from now, making its lurching, bloodthirsty comeback next October to continue the post-apocalyptic story. To underscore the pull this show has, its companion chat show, “Talking Dead,” has also been re-commissioned. Yes, there is a “Walking Dead” chat show and it’s popular enough to also get a return ticket. “All joking aside, we are so proud to share these shows with fans who have been so passionate, communicative and engaged,” said Charlie Collier, president of AMC, SundanceTV and AMC Studios. “We are grateful for and continually impressed by the talent, effort and excellence on continuous display by Robert Kirkman, Scott Gimple, Chris Hardwick and the many people with whom we partner to make these unique shows possible. The result: More Walking and Talking. Hooray.” The whole “hooray” at the end is kind of amateurish and tacky, but it’s still a nice example of a network actually keeping a good show alive rather than sending it shuffling off into the great TV beyond in favor of another round of remakes and recycled ideas………

- This is why a lot of people hate Halloween. It’s a fake holiday that people have taken too seriously for so long that it’s actually treated as if it were real and because it’s such a big, fake freaking deal, fools do sh*t like buying - with money they could use to feed their families, feed the needy and starving, help victims of natural disasters, take their children on a better vacation or about a billion other better uses - crap like a 25-foot-tall inflatable pumpkin. And because some ass hat bought a  25-foot-tall inflatable pumpkin and slammed it into their front yard to celebrate a fake holiday, yet did not bother to properly anchor down their oversized nylon quasi-squash, that big-ass pumpkin broke free from its moorings and lazily tumbled down a residential road near Phoenix, creating havoc for both drivers and pedestrians. The pumpkin  escaped from its display promoting the Peoria Monster Bash, unleashing a short-lived reign of terror and carnage that included two damaged street lights. According to Peoria police, it wasn’t some wily prankster who set the pumpkin free, but rather strong winds. Eventually, the rogue pumpkin came to a stop in an area park, where city officials did the only humane thing and deflated it. Thankfully, no one but the pumpkin and the streetlights was injured, with the gourd in need of a few repairs and owners who aren't idiots before it can go on living its synthetic life……..

-  Kristaps Porzingis will likely cause many sleepless nights for New York Knicks fans this season, but the No. 4 overall pick in the 2015 NBA draft will get plenty of quality REM rest in the months ahead. Porzingis, the lanky, 7-foot-2 Latvian, enters the NBA as a major question mark because his raw physical skills and gangly physique as well as not playing college basketball in the United States, with his selection in the draft reportedly causing dissent within the Knicks on account of veteran players who don’t want to wait for him to develop and would have preferred a more NBA-ready draft pick to help them win now. Through three games, though, Porzingis has been fairly productive and maybe his early success can be attributed to his one-of-a-kind Shifman mattress. Porzingis is a new endorser for the mattress brand and as such, he received a $26,000 custom mattress designed to fit his long frame. His deal with Shifman is undoubtedly for more than just a mattress that costs more than a lot of new cars, but for NBA starts like Porzingis, getting a good night’s sleep is often as tough a challenge as there is. That mattress may not be portable enough to help him when the Knicks are on the road, but at least for half the year, the rookie won’t be able to blame erratic play on not being able to get the proper eight hours of shut eye each night. Well, unless a guy from eastern Europe who was just dropped into the middle of Manhattan and given millions of dollars somehow gets drawn in by the New York City night life………