French soccer riots, Colorado v. teen ganja use and Foo Fighters cheat on a new album

- Who’s down for some quality Swedish-French political scandal? Step right up if you’re interested in some Grade-A scandal material courtesy of a relatively unknown Swedish politician surrounded by rumors of being the secret son of Francois Mitterrand who has finally decided to own the truth. Hravne Forsne, a 25-year-old running for Parliament, has remained silent on claims that the late French president is his father, but he decided that running for parliament and needing a publicity boost was a wonderful reason to finally man up and tell the truth. "That's how it is: Francois Mitterrand was my father,” Forsne said. His own mother has been in on the snow job as well, saying two years ago that she had an affair with the French president, who died of cancer in 1996, but she declined to discuss her son at the time. Even Forsne himself seems to hold mixed emotions about it all and when he was asked to follow up on his admission, he was quick to decline comment and proclaim that, "I don't want to answer any questions." Not wanting to answer questions is the surest way to keep those questions from going away and if he’s as savvy as he seems to be, perhaps Forsne is playing this perfectly to keep his name in the news. Unlike his alleged old man, a Socialist, Forsne represents Sweden's conservative party. He and his daddy issues are clearly aiming for a much bigger place on the Swedish political scene and in a world where nothing sells quite like scandal, this could be just the ticket to prosperity………

- There is good news and there is bad news for Foo Fighters fans. The good news is that Dave Grohl, Taylor Hawkins and crew have confirmed the details – including a release date – for their new album “Sonic Highways.” The eighth studio album from one of the biggest rock bands in the world will drop on Nov. 10 and as previously announced, it was recorded in eight different cities across the United States. The bad news is closely tied to the good news, as the album is a mere eight tracks long. Simply put, one song was recorded in each city and as a result, the album will be a total rip-off for fans because Foo Fighters can't be bothered to give them even a bare-bones, 10-track album that any band worth its salt should be able to crank out. The release of the album may be the coolest part of the process, as vinyl copies of the project will be sold in an assortment of nine different covers including eight variants each themed for one of the cities in which the album was recorded: Austin, Chicago, Los Angeles, Nashville, New Orleans, New York, Seattle, and Washington, D.C. Unfortunately for fans, the album cover they receive will be totally random and should they want an album cover from their specific city, they’re going to have to a) keep buying copies until they get what they want or b) trade with another fan who has their desired album cover. "This album is instantly recognizable as a Foo Fighters record, but there's something deeper and more musical to it. I think that these cities and these people influenced us to stretch out and explore new territory, without losing our sound,” Grohl said of the release, while producer Butch Vig labeled it “epic.” All eight tracks had better be to make up for the fact that there are only eight of them……….

- Officials in the state of Colorado and the city of Denver could really afford to chill out, bro. A state that was the first to legalize ganja for recreational use should not be launching a new ad campaign aimed at discouraging teen marijuana use and hitting it with the tag line “Who will be their guinea pigs?” That preposterous message is the heart of a new campaign featuring several nine-foot-tall human-sized rat cages unveiled on Monday. The fundamental tenet of the campaign is simple: Because so much is still unknown about pot’s effects on kids’ brains, teens who do smoke it become unwitting research subjects. It’s a totally lame idea and one that ignores the sheer awesomeness of getting baked and losing all motivation to achieve in life before graduating high school. The $2 million “Don’t Be a Lab Rat” campaign of lies derives its funding from legal settlements with pharmaceutical companies and it also includes TV commercials suggesting that smoking chron impairs mental function in teens’ still-developing brains and could cause long-term mental problems. As the alarmists behind this terrible idea for a campaign see it, anyone younger than 25 who burns the hippie lettuce is gambling on losing IQ points. “While much still needs to be learned about the effect marijuana has on the brain, enough information is available to cause concern in terms of the negative effects marijuana can have on the developing brains of teenagers,” Dr. Larry Wolk, the executive director and chief medical officer at the Colorado Department of Public Health and Environment, said in a statement. “The core premise of the ‘Don’t Be a Lab Rat’ campaign acknowledges that more research is necessary.” Yes, more research is necessary and who better to participate in that research than teenagers and young adults eager to get high and do nothing……..

- French soccer fans don’t take long to get in top form. The new season of soccer in their pastry-loving nation of surrenderers had barely commenced before a massive section of fans decided that rioting was much more important than the actual game they came to see. The chaos unfolded before and after a French Ligue 1 match between Olympique Marseille and Bastia, with dozens of Bastia fans allegedly attacking police officers who were on patrol outside of the stadium. In typical soccer fan fashion, the hooligans attacked the officers by throwing rocks at them along with numerous types of explosive devices. Any good soccer fan knows that you don’t show up for the season opener armed with all manner of illegal explosives to use against the cops, so credit to the fans who made it happen. French Interior Minister Bernard Cazeneuve said in a written statement that eight riot and paramilitary officers were taken to hospital for treatment after the rioting close to the Furiani Stadium, the home ground of Bastia. The minister proclaimed that the government “strongly condemns the deliberate violence” and added that federal and local authorities need to handle the situation and CCTV video will be studied to find those who are responsible. However, his calls for  “an end to this violent behavior, especially towards security forces who must be respected” sounded incredibly naïve coming from a man whose country is home to regular thuggery by soccer fans and should expect it at this point. Hell, Bastia was forced to play several home matches in other locations during the 2012-13 campaign because of fan violence. It’s who these fools are, it’s how they roll and they’re not changing any time soon. Now would be an optimal time to either embrace their act or alter your response……..

Venice v. cruise ships, Gaslight Anthem hate and politicans hijack pro sports

- It is rarely a good idea for sports and politics to intersect. Almost inescapably, it involves a grandstanding politician looking to hijack an endeavor he or she has nothing to do with and turning it into a re-election or fundraising ploy. Enter Ohio state Sen. Eric Kearney, a Democrat from Cincinnati, who used the four-game series last week between his state’s two Major League Baseball teams as an occasion to introduce a resolution that would encourage the Cleveland Indians to change their name and Chief Wahoo mascot. Kearney said the racial insensitivity of the name makes it the right time for Indians owner Larry Dolan to make a change even though the state legislature is on summer break and there isn't any traction on the legislation. American Indians and others have protested the use of the logo for years, but their efforts have been largely limited to the team’s home opener. In recent months, the heat has been much more substantial on the NFL’s Washington Redskins to change their name, with the Indians remaining a background player in the conversation. The case against the Redskins took a slight turn in June when a federal trademark board ruled the Redskins' trademarks protections should be canceled because the team name is disparaging to Native Americans. In spite of Kearney’s self-aggrandizing push, Indians president Mark Shapiro said at a Thursday news conference that the Chief Wahoo mascot "represents the heritage of the team and the ballpark" and will remain in place. He added that the team will continue to build and promote the use of the block "C” instead of hats featuring the Chief Wahoo caricature. Kearney was at least realistic enough to concede that he doesn’t expect major change right away. While he waits, he can ponder the fact that he is still the disgraced former running mate of Ohio Democratic gubernatorial candidate Ed FitzGerald and was forced to withdraw from the ticket in December amid questions about tax liens……..

- Speaking of gubernatorial frauds…..how about Tye "Glenn" Champ, a Fresno County (Calif.) man who finished fifth in the June gubernatorial primary and is now a man starting down charges of suspicion of attempted murder, felony child endangerment and felony animal cruelty. Why, you ask? Because he was arrested Friday in connection with a shooting that left a man injured and a horse dead, which might seem like a tale from the Wild West circa 1885, but allegedly happened in 2014 when Champ shot and wounded a neighbor in the stomach and tried to shoot the neighbor's young son during a dispute in Prather, a small community in the foothills of Fresno County. The walk-off shot, literally, for this kook was shooting a horse to death. It is worth noting that despite running for governor, Champ is anything but a man who lives up to his last name. He is is a registered sex offender who ran as a Republican in California's open primary June 3, winning 76,000 votes or 2 percent of the total - good for fifth place out of 14 candidates on the ballot. His presence on the state's sex offender registry has been consistent since 1993, when he was convicted of two counts of assault with intent to commit rape. Toss in killing a man while driving in 1998 and being convicted of soliciting a prostitute before claiming a conversion to Christianity and you have quite the eclectic persona for a man who does not yet seem to have embraced the ideas, ideals and standards of the Bible if the charges against him are true. The horse-shooting dispute was reportedly over maintenance work on a private road, authorities said, with the man Champ shot taken to a local hospital and listed in favorable condition……..

- For as long as musicians have recorded and released albums and had to promote them to fans and critics, the gamesmanship between the two sides has been on. Artists do what they can to drum up interest for their new project, while fans and critics try to determine if it merits their financial support and approval. The Gaslight Anthem is set to drop its latest release on Tuesday and with the debut just days away, frontman Brian Fallon is doing his best to work some pre-release Jedi mind tricks on the masses. Fallon is of the opinion that critics will “hate” the release, titled “Get Hurt.” It is the band’s fifth release and like so many artists who claim that their new sound is cool, innovative and simply above everyone’s heard, Fallon is standing tall and anticipating the hate. "I would put money on it - that of every five reviews, one out of five likes it. And two out of five vehemently hate it," he said. The subject matter for the album is Fallon's divorce from his wife of 10 years and he explained that the hurt and confusion of the experience is on full display throughout the album. . "Sometimes, I don't even know how it happened. I don't even know how it got like this," Fallon said of the break-up. "All I know is that it did. And I now have to figure out: What do I do now?" Drummer Benny Horowitz said the process of writing and recording the album was cathartic for Fallon, who doesn’t talk much with anyone about his personal life. Neither Fallon nor Horowitz expounded on whether it was the subject matter or the actual sound of the album that will piss people off, but it’s nonetheless a clever attempt to raise interest in the album and get people talking before it hits the market…….

- Slow your roll, large cruise ships passing by one of Italy’s famed port cities. Venice is historic, touristy and a city driven by water traffic, but the government isn't simply going to allow nautical vessels to wreck the town. Regulations have long prevented certain types of boats from traversing Venice’s famed canals, but the Italian government is moving ahead with plans to block big cruise ships from sailing past Venice's historic center, authorizing an environmental study for an alternate route that it hopes will still satisfy the city's key tourism industry. Presently, cruise ships can pass within 1,000 feet of Venice's iconic St. Mark's Square. That gives the lazy-ass travelers who can't be bothered to get off the boat and do a little walking an outstanding view of the historic plaza and its columns. However, the image of a large, clunky cruise ship against the backdrop of Venice's Byzantine architecture feels out of place and residents, activists and environmentalists have long opposed cruise ship traffic in Venice. The haters weren't satisfied with a decision Friday by a commission of government ministers and local officials authorizing a study into using the Contorta-Sant'Angelo canal and the group, called No Big Ships, believes that big cruise ships must be banned from lagoon entirely rather than simply being kept further from land. In fact, the leaders of the group called the panel’s choice the worst possible option. One could argue that naming your group No Big Ships is a worse decision, but it is somewhat subjective………

NFL Twitter rants, Sam Smith's James Bond theme and Anthony Weiner's new eatery

- Late night shows and headline writers, your golden opportunity of the decade has arrived. The man who has spawned so many jokes, so many bad puns and even an international dance craze has lined up a guaranteed kill shot for anyone looking to pull page views and boost ratings. Disgraced former New York congressman Anthony Weiner, a.k.a. Carlos Danger, failed in a bid to replace the congressional gig he lost by being elected mayor of New York City and like anyone who loses their job and isn't independently wealthy, Weiner/Danger needs to find his next move. It appears he has indeed identified that next step and it is none other than a non-profit project to open a restaurant in the Rockaways –a section of New York City still suffering from the effects of Hurricane Sandy. The project, called Rockaway Restoration Kitchen, is billing itself as "a comfortable neighborhood restaurant with healthy, locally sourced food that satisfies the hunger of Rockaway residents, attracts visitors and serves up dignity and self-sufficiency by serving as a hands on training ground to provide skills, real experience and job placement in the culinary industry.” According to its website, the restaurant will will offer a 13-week program to teach restaurant skills to the chronically unemployed in the area and help place them in restaurants around New York. “[It will] attract visitors and serve up dignity and self-sufficiency by serving as a hands-on training ground to provide skills, real experience and job placement in the culinary industry,” a post on the site reads. Weiner’s exact role with the eatery has not been disclosed, but he has reportedly been spotted scouting a site for it. When a man famous for sexting pictures of his junk to women with whom he was having affairs is attached to a place that could serve hot dogs and bananas, go ahead and assume that scores of terrible jokes and pun-based headlines are not far away……….

- The soulful sounds of Adele will not be gracing the soundtrack of the next James Bond movie, but a comparably soulful male voice may take the British crooner’s place belting out the film’s theme. Sam Smith is reportedly in talks to record the theme after Adele passed on the chance and he has been negotiating with bosses at Bond producers MGM for the gig. Adele’s decision to pull out of the running for the theme song made sense, as did producers deciding to ask her in the first place, because she recorded the theme for the most recent Bond movie, “Skyfall,” in 2012. Doing back-to-back Bond theme songs might not present the sort of challenge a songstress like Adele is seeking and she may also worry about getting pigeonholed in the role of movie theme singer. According to multiple sources, MGM has zeroed in on Smith as its top choice because studio officials believe he has the right profile, the proper image and the ideal voice to author a great Bond theme song. As expected given that no deal has yet been reached, Smith's spokesman refused to comment on the story. The movie itself is cloaked in the requisite amount of mystery, working under the unimaginative title of “Bond 24” at the moment. Smith or no Smith, Daniel Craig will anchor the movie in his fourth outing as Agent 007. Also returning are “Skyfall” director Sam Mendes and screenwriting team John Logan, Neal Purvis and Robert Wade. The other confirmed cast are Ralph Fiennes as M, Ben Whishaw as Q, Naomie Harris as Miss Moneypenny and Rory Kinnear as MI6 chief of staff Bill Tanner. Should Smith sing the theme, he would become the first British male solo singer to score a bond theme since Tom Jones as the voice of choice for “Thunderball” in 1965……….

- What is the primary focus of most people during their morning commute? Avoid distractions, duck any possible delays and try to steer clear of any unwanted conversations with strangers on whatever train, bus or other assorted mode of transportation they choose. Helping another commuter avoid losing one of their limbs is generally not on the agenda, but train travelers in the western Australian city of Perth proved that taking your nose out of your phone and tucking away your tablet inside your briefcase for a moment can be well worth the effort. The scene at a train station in Perth was a truly harrowing on Thursday as a man lost his footing while boarding a train. Closed-circuit footage released by the Western Australia State Public Transport Authority showed the man slipping on the platform and getting his leg lodged between the platform and the train as horrified passengers looked on. While one passenger raced to alert railway staff to stop the train, everyone else on board somehow managed to coordinate their efforts and communicate the message to exit their respective cars. Once they were all outside and the weight of the train was lessened significantly, the passengers began to push against the car to free the trapper man’s leg. Dozens of helpful Aussies joined in the effort to free the man, who fell at least thigh deep into the platform gap. "It's really heartwarming I think, to find an incident like this where everyone pitched in," transport authority spokesman David Hynes said. The trapped man was freed, avoided injury and was able to collect himself in time to catch the next train to his destination. This time, he made it successful on board and went on with his day, undoubtedly touched by the kindness of the many strangers who made his safety and well-being a priority over their own busy schedules for at least a few minutes……….

- The Indianapolis Colts were one of 12 NFL teams playing a thoroughly meaningless preseason game Thursday night, but they were the only one of the 12 to be the target of an impassioned live-tweeting session by a livid player they cut earlier in training camp. The Colts broke off all-around bad seed and mediocre running back Chris Rainey on July 28 for a violation of team rules and haven't said anything about his release since then, but Rainey had plenty to say during Thursday’s game. He finally revealed the reason he was released as part of his Twitter rant. "Yea I'm piss watching the colts game when I should be out there, too. Even tho i didn't break no f----- team rules, not even," Rainey tweeted during the Colts’ 13-10 loss to the New York Jets. He expounded on that cryptic remark four minutes later after running back Daniel "Boom" Herron scored a touchdown. "Nice TD Boom even tho u was in the hallway with me that nite when we was horsing around with the fire extinguisher. Man up like I did," Rainey tweeted. Hmm…..screwing around with the fire extinguisher like a 12-year-old staying in a nice hotel for the first time during a family vacation is a reason for a team to release you? Weird. Rainey later tried to pretend the tweets didn’t happen by deleting them, but screen shots of the messages had already been captured. The incident continued his sour relationship with electronic communications, one that began in earnest during his time at the University of Florida, when he texted his estranged girlfriend that it was “time to die” after a fight – and while he was in front of her house AND while police officers were inside with the woman. Add on a January 2013 arrest on a charge of simple battery in Gainesville, Florida, and it’s a safe bet that no other NFL teams will be rushing to sign C. Rainey any time soon……….

Brazilian slum militias, David Brent returns and an Oakland A's rally possum

- The Oakland Athletics have been in a bit of a free fall of late. Despite swinging two major trades to land front-end starters for their rotation, they are clinging to a one-game lead in the AL West, barely ahead of the hard-charging Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim Near Garden Grove. Taking on loads of salary and breaking their small-market mold and missing the playoffs would be catastrophic for the A’s, so their players can be forgiven for their desperation when it comes to seeking possible kick starters for their stumbling season. One such burst of good luck may have come to light Monday night in a 3-2, 10-inning triumph over Tampa Bay. No, not Derek Norris' heroic bases-loaded hit with two outs in the 10th inning that delivered the win. That was swell, but the real takeaway from the game was the presence of a possum that briefly wandered into left field along the warning track in the bottom of the 10th. Pitcher Jeff Samardzija, one of the pitchers the A’s traded for last month, said he wanted to take the possum and give it a much bigger role with the team. "He's been out here before," Samardzija said after the game. "He was out when we were warming up before a few times." Norris had his own theory about the rally possum, suggesting that its presence on the field might be directly linked to the Oakland Coliseum's recent sewage challenges. "I thought it was a really large rat," Norris said. "Which would fit perfectly with the ways things have kind of shaped up the last few years." The possum eventually meandered off the field and back into the stadium’s underground, after which the home team loaded the bases and walked off with the win on Norris’ hit. "We're going to have to give him a name, get him a jersey," Samardzija said of the possum. "We've got to keep feeding him." It’s one of life’s rules that you never feed the animals – unless they’re a good luck charm for a team chasing a pennant……..

- Wine aficionados are not the sort of people who tend to engender loads of sympathy. That makes the just-concluded case of wine swindler Rudy Kurniawan so complicated. Kurniawan was sentenced to 10 years in prison Thursday for what prosecutors called a "grand con" involving more than $20 million of counterfeit rare vintages sold to wealthy oenophiles in a case where there simply are no winners. Prior to his conviction, Kurniawan was one of the world's most prolific wine collectors. As it turns out, his act was a sham and he sat emotionless as U.S. District Judge Richard Berman called his crimes "a bold, grandiose, unscrupulous but destined-to-fail con" in federal court in Manhattan. "Just want to say I'm really sorry," Kurniawan said with no conviction (pun intended) before the sentence was read. The sentencing came after he was convicted in December of two counts of mail fraud. He was initially arrested 2 1/2 years ago and will receive credit for time served, but must pay $28.4 million in restitution to his seven victims and forfeit an additional $20 million as punishment. His attorney wisely noted that all of Kurniawan's victims were wealthy wine enthusiasts whose lifestyles weren't affected by his misdeeds and as everyone knows, if the people you rip off are so rich they won't miss a few hundred thousand dollars in their bank account, then there really is no crime. That doesn’t mean onlookers can’t laugh at the excess and wastefulness of one victim spending $231,000 on a single bottle of wine, so there is good news here. Also hilarious is Kurniawan’s attorney arguing in court that his client has already "lost what's most important, which is his reputation." Nice try, counselor, just not enough to overcome prosecutor Stanley Okula’s argument the law makes no allowance to reduce a sentence because the victims are wealthy. "Your honor, fraud is fraud," Okula said. All in all, a story that makes the working people of America shake their heads and get drunk to forget the idiocy………

- David Brent is coming back to life. The character made famous in the original, British version of the hit comedy “The Office” inspired the less-successful American take on the show and now, the man who made Brent a household name is bringing him to the big screen. Ricky Gervais, with backing by BBC Films, will turn Brent’s pathetic life story into a movie after more than a decade away. The mockumentary will be called “Life on the Road” and the resurrection of Brent comes after Gervais brought him to the stage for recent one-off appearances on Comic Relief and a series of spoof guitar tutorials on YouTube. "He’s a sales rep now, selling cleaning products up and down the country, but has never really given up on his dream of being a rock star,” BBC films said in a release. The film will follow Brent's self-funded U.K. tour, with movie goers seeing a delusional character who believes his documentary will be remembered like "Scorcese shooting The Rolling Stones." According to the BBC release, Brent ends up having to “cash in a couple of pensions because the session musicians in the band are costing him more than he’s getting in ticket sales.” It will begin shooting next year and to lead into it, Gervais recently performed in character as Brent with his band Foregone Conclusion, cranking out a series of his supposed “hits” from “The Office” while also introducing fake fans to some new material as well. Factor in Gervais’ trademark snarky, in-your-face humor and this is a mockumentary that may not win any awards, but should be an hilarious experience for anyone who enjoys a good burst of confrontational comedy in their day………

- Dammit, Brazilian police. A paramilitary militia group goes to all the trouble of training, recruiting new members and pretending to be a real army, only to have you come busting in and arrest more than 20 of its alleged members. Inspector Alexandre Capote saidThursday that police have "dismantled Rio's largest militia group” and he seemed mighty proud of the arrests, claiming that the group forced residents in Rio's lower middle-class district of Campo Grande to pay monthly fees for protection against drug gangs and for services like illegal cable television connections. That might seem like racketeering and general criminal scum-bagginess in a place where so many people are impoverished and have a difficult time merely feeding themselves and their families on a daily basis, but the reality of life is that the strong exploit the week and if the strong have guns and delusions of military grandeur, their exploitation is even bigger. According to police, the group tortured and murdered those who didn’t pay and while eventually they may have run out of people to kill, police were not willing to wait that long. The group allegedly raked in more than $450,000 a month and while The Man is patting himself on the back for shutting down this militia group, the reality is that there are many more militias operating in many of Rio's slums, made up of active and former police, firefighters, private security and off-duty prison guards. It’s a bigger fight than most realize and one that won't be won any time soon……..

Luis Suarez gets over, Parisian cocaine theft and ripping Icona Pop

- I made you and now, I hate you. Such is the attitude of songwriter Charli XCX, the auteur behind electro-popsters’ Icona Pop’s hit single “I Love It.” The track became a ubiquitous club and party anthem and raced up the charts despite being nauseatingly sugary and poppy to the point of inducing diabetes in listeners, but the woman who penned the song – pop stars not writing their own music, shocker – is not a fan of it in retrospect. Asked about her most famous creation, Charli XCX described “I Love It” as one of  "the most annoying songs in the world." That’s saying something because Charli XCX has worked with a slew of pop hacks on their mainstream anthems, including collaborating with Iggy Azalea on her top hit “Fancy” and second single “Boom Clap.” She has also been writing with producers Stargate and had plenty to say about her recent work. “"I've played it to a couple of people and they're like, 'Oh my God this sounds like it's going to go into an Avicii kind of moment.' And I'm like, 'Yeah but just wait', and then it doesn't and it does something totally awesome and cool,” she said. “That's what I like about them, they're kind of on the line and I feel the same way about myself sometimes. 'I Love It' is one of the most annoying songs in the world but it's kind of cool and it's the same with '90s fashion which I'm obsessed with - it's so wrong it's right." In summing up[ her penchant for pop crap, Charli XCX added that she strives to make music that appeals to a large number of people because she doesn’t want to make a “hipster record,” i.e. one that doesn’t sell lots of copies and make her a sh*t ton of money……….

- Where’s the blow? That is the question authorities in Paris are asking after it was revealed that one of their own police officers is facing preliminary charges related to the disappearance of 116 lbs. of the Bolivian marching powder from the police headquarters' evidence room. Prosecutor's office spokeswoman Agnes Thibault-Lecuivre did not identify the officer accused of thieving what had to be quite a few bricks of the Colombian nose candy, but did say that the unidentified anti-narcotics officer faces charges including transport, possession and sale of narcotics and covering up a drug ring. In other words, this officer may have lifted the coke in order to help out some drug-dealing friends by making crucial evidence against them vanish. So far, the sticky icky in question remains AWOL. It was being held in a locked room at the Paris police headquarters just steps from the Notre Dame Cathedral, smack dab in the middle of one of the City of Lights’ most tourist-infested areas. It was reported missing on July 31 and despite the evidence against him, the suspect has denied the charges against him, according to Thibault-Lecuivre. Question marks abound in the case, including the exact street value of the missing drugs. According to prosecutors, the estimated value of the stash is $2.7 million, but that figure could go up or down depending upon which A-list celebrities are currently visiting the French capital and looking to hoover down a few lines of crank before they board their private jet to parts unknown………

- FC Barcelona has a lot to learn about protecting itself. The Spanish super club made a bold move recently when it acquired controversial striker Luis Suarez from Liverpool for a transfer fee in excess of $100 million, the move could come back to bite club officials because of a gross mistake in Suarez’s new contract. According to Barcelona president Josep Maria Bartomeu, Suarez's deal does not contain a "no biting" clause and that’s a problem because there are three biting incidents and counting on Suarez’s résumé. The most recent bite came during the World Cup in June, when Suarez clamped down on the shoulder of Italian forward Giorgio Chiellini. The bite got Suarez booted from the Cup and earned him a global four-month ban, meaning he will not play for his new team until October. When he finally does get on the pitch, Barcelona officials are going to find themselves remorseful that they didn’t include that no-bite clause because given his track record, the next act of cannibalism can’t be far off. "No, there is no clause. If the clause did exist we wouldn't say it, but it doesn't exist,” Bartomeu said. We didn't rethink the decision [to sign him] and we told Luis after the bite. He knows he did wrong. He apologized. That's very important for us.” Nice try, Joe. Not only should you have written explicit language into the contract to discourage biting, but you should have also mandated an actual Hannibal Lecter mask for Suarez in all games and Kevlar padding for all of his teammates and opponents in order to prevent them from receiving an unwanted imprint of Suarez’s teeth on some part of their body……….

- Why so angsty, Ken Krieger? Sure, running for elected office and not being on all of the ballots is a problem, but winners rise above problems. Krieger has a dream to represent the Mesquite district on the Peoria, Ariz. city council and as a first-time candidate for public office, he went in naïvely thinking that filling out the necessary paperwork and jumping through all of the necessary hoops meant that he – like all other candidates – would be on all of the actual ballots available to voters at local polling stations. That didn’t happen and when election day rolled around and ballots were sent out, his name was absent from 8,500 of them. 
"I'm gonna make sure people understand that I was left off that ballot and they should give me a chance and find out who I am," Krieger said. The ballots in question went out to early voters, so it’s not as if the actual election day was impacted by the omission. Krieger did not appear on those early ballots because his status was on hold while a judge reviewed his paperwork even though another judge approved his candidacy back in June. "I failed to put him back on the ballot," said Maricopa County Director of Elections Karen Osborne. "I regret it very much." Osborne boldly labeled the omission a personal error and noted that election officials remedied her mistake by mailing a replacement ballot to all early voters. Along with their replacement ballot, the lazy souls who requested to vote without having to go anywhere to do so also receive a note explaining the situation. So…problem solved, right? Nope. Kreiger's attorney says the county isn't going far enough to fix its own mistake. Kory Langhofer is demanding that the city hold a special election to ensure fairness, which sounds like an expensive way to fix a problem that five people care about. City officials are resisting that proposal and well they should as an inefficient bureaucratic organization choked by red tape………..

Scotland's independence fight, Craig Ferguson's replacement and the Detroit Lions wear garbage

- The Detroit Lions have often played like garbage in the past few years. Now, their quarterbacks will look the part – at least in practice. Starter Matthew Stafford and the Lions' other quarterbacks have new practice gear to help set them apart on the field. Instead of wearing the traditional red jerseys that quarterbacks don in order to let everyone know they are not to be hit during practices, the team’s signal callers now rock a bright shade of highlighter green for jerseys made from 21 recycled plastic bottles. Predictably, this is part of a public relations initiative by the team to help promote its own recycling campaign as well as Repreve, the recycled fiber brand the jerseys are made of. "This initiative is a reflection of the Ford family's commitment to leading in the area of sustainability," Lions president Tom Lewand said in a statement. "As an example, through our partnership with Repreve, we will be expanding to 500 recycling bins throughout Ford Field, making it easy for fans and guests to 'make the smart throw.'" Recycled fashion is nothing new and while such jerseys might be an even better fit in an enviro-conscious city like Seattle, the move is nonetheless a solid one for the Lions even though their refuse-worthy ways on the field have changed for the most part and they have the best receiver in the NFL in Calvin Johnson. The players themselves have the goal of winning a championship, while the organization has established its own goal of recycling every possible piece of trash generated at their stadium and practice facility during the course of the coming season………

- Yelp users are annoying as hell. However, trying to intimidate and mute them generally doesn’t go well for businesses, as Union Street Guest House in Hudson, New York, learned this week. The hotel, clearly oversensitive about its reputation and unwilling to accept a little constructive criticism, decided to attempt to fine wedding parties $500 for any negative online reviews posted by any members of their parties. Such efforts to silence people in the social media age is a futile one and in a totally predictable result, Yelp users instantly began to light Union Street Guest House up with scathing reviews. Some were real, some were fake, but all were hilarious. At one point Monday, there were more than 700 reviews, but the hotel deleted many of them after determining that they didn't reflect "first-hand experiences," according to Yelp. "Trying to prevent your customers from talking about their experiences is bad policy and, in this case, likely unenforceable anyway," Yelp said. Sensing that the situation was not going well for them, hotel officials tried to make the policy disappear by removing it from their website. Because the Internet is written in ink, the attempt failed. Screen shots of the policy circulated online, declaring "there will be a $500 fine that will be deducted from your deposit for every negative review of USGH placed on any Internet site by anyone in your party and/or attending your wedding or event." The hotel’s official stance is that guests who don’t appreciate its greatness are merely ignoramuses who don't understand the historic buildings or region. "Please know that despite the fact that wedding couples love Hudson and our Inn, your friends and families may not," the website says. "This is due to the fact that your guests may not understand what we offer -- therefore we expect you to explain that to them. USGH & Hudson are historic. The buildings here are old (but restored).” How very arrogant of you, USGH. Some Yelpers reported receiving multiple threats from the hotel over negative reviews, but such threats only seemed to fuel the angry backlash………

- Who do you get to replace a quirky, eccentric Scotsman at the helm of your late-night network talk show? If you’re CBS, you look back across the Atlantic Ocean and find yourself another resident of the United Kingdom to fill the role. James Corden, who is likely to be an unknown name for many American viewers, is the reported choice to take over for Craig Ferguson as host of “The Late Late Show” on CBS, even though the network is remaining quiet about the rumor. Corden stars in Disney's “Into the Woods” and can currently be seen alongside Keira Knightley in “Begin Again,” but he has yet to make a major A-list splash yet on this side of the ocean. Ferguson announced his plans to leave CBS a few months ago when David Letterman announced his retirement and Comedy Central talker Stephen Colbert was tabbed as his replacement over Ferguson and a slew of other contenders. He has hosted “The Late Late Show” since 2005 and said in April that he would make his exit at “the end of this year.” When asked about his future plans, Ferguson took the true comedian’s route by cracking a joke in which he said he wasn’t sure what he would do after taking a little time off “and then I'll do something else … Probably, I'm thinking, carpentry.” Following Ferguson’s declaration that he was done at CBS, a number of high-profile names were bandied about as possible replacements, including “Community” star Joel McHale and Neil Patrick Harris, who starred in CBS’ hit sitcom “How I Met Your Mother,” which wrapped this year. Corden is not on the same level as those men in the United States, but he does boast a whopping 4 million twitter followers and will hopefully bring those people to his 12:35 a.m. time slot………

- The fight is on and it is turning ugly in what is actually one of the most pleasant places in the world to visit. Scotland is currently in the midst of a massive buildup toward a Sept. 18 referendum on independence for the country known for kilts, bagpipes, fog and whiskey. Powerful opponents and proponents of the measure to split from the United Kingdom and send Scotland scuttling off on its own are lining up against one another and perhaps no clash has turned nastier more quickly than the war of words between Scotland's leading politician and Britain's former treasury chief. A televised debate pitting Scotland's First Minister Alex Salmond against Alistair Darling was hastily slapped together only six weeks before the Sept. 18 vote and with most public polls showing greater support for the coward’s route of staying in the union over venturing out as a sovereign nation, Salmond and Darling went at each other with a vengeance. Several exchanges turned confrontational, which was actually a positive for Darling because it meant that Salmond at least had enough respect for him to acknowledge his presence despite initially insisting that any debate should be against British Prime Minister David Cameron. Cameron went the chicken-sh*t route and ducked the challenge. The most pressing issue during the debate was whether Scotland would be able to keep the pound as its currency or would have to come up with its own should voters decide in favor of independence. At this point, most observers consider the vote too close to call and that should make the remaining days before election day every bit as heated and chippy as this debate………

FAT soccer players, Turkish women can't laugh and Thom York plays to a crowd of eight

- Thom Yorke has always been something of a trippy hipster icon. He may have found the ideal place for someone who is simply that much cooler than everyone else to ply their trade over the weekend, when he played a DJ set to just eight people at Cornish festival Leopallooza. No, not Lollapalooza, but Leopallooza, which calls itself "the best house party in a field." Yorke, whose primary role is fronting Radiohead when the band is actually together and not chasing its respective solo dreams and projects, regularly plays DJ sets around the world and reportedly took to the decks on Saturday night in the backstage area of the festival. However, the festival did not advertise Yorke’s appearance prior to him getting behind the turntables Saturday night and as a result, a measly eight people were on hand when he started his set. One attendee remarked that Yorke is “probably the most influential artist of the past decade and here he is prepping to play to half a dozen drunk hippies.” And the problem with that is Other than, of course, the fact that many of those who saw the show of a lifetime up close and personal reportedly had absolutely no idea who Yorke was. Odds are that some of those tweakers were oblivious to Yorke’s identity, but knew exactly who other festival performers such as Superfood, Foxes, Dry The River and DZ Deathrays were. This was the ninth year for the independent festival, which took place over three days at Lower Exe Farm in North Conrnwall. Maybe next year some dude with a couple of Sharpies and a sheet of copier paper can drum up some advertising if Yorke decides to make a return appearance……..

- Ladies, you may listen, you may speak, but if you are in Turkey, you may not laugh. At least not if Deputy Prime Minister Bulent Arinc is the one making the decision. This forward thinker and intellectual revolutionary made waves last week when he proclaimed that not laughing out loud in public is among the requirements of being an honorable woman. On the surface, it might seem like an intellectually stunted and Stone Age-worthy line of thinking, but everyone knows how totally slutty it makes a chick look if she just laughs at anyone’s joke. For some odd reason, the ladies of Turkey were not down with the comments and many of them took to Twitter to protest by posting photos of themselves laughing heartily at what were undoubtedly hilarious jokes that just happened to be told right before someone grabbed their iPhone and snapped a very candid picture. The social media outrage was merely the first stage of the blowback, as women's rights activists and female legislators have now filed a legal complaint against Arinc, with legislator Aylin Nazliaka saying the women filed the complaint with court officials in Istanbul on Monday. Arinc is accused of violating charters on gender discrimination and allowing women to become "targets" of possible violence if they laugh in public. The good news for all who love caveman philosophy and have sided with Arinc is that the complaint is extremely unlikely to lead to legal action against the politician. It’s more of a symbolic gesture aimed at sending Arinc a message that "his discriminatory" statements are not acceptable. If only someone had a funny joke to break the tension here………

- Louis van Gaal is something of a soccer egomaniac with the credentials to match. Now that he’s the manager of a very expensive, historic English soccer franchise coming off a disappointing season, the man who guided the Dutch to a third-place finish at this year’s World Cup, van Gaal is wasting no time throwing his weight around. The Manchester United manager inherited a high-priced team with many high-profile acquisitions, one of whom found himself in the doghouse immediately. Luke Shaw, who joined United for a $40 million transfer fee, doesn’t seem to have impressed his new coach. No sooner than van Gaal arrived in Manchester than he took one look at Shaw and declared the 19-year-old's fitness to be lacking. Even enough Shaw was a member of the English team that competed at the World Cup in Brazil, his conditioning did not meet van Gaal’s standards when the team came together for training at Carrington less than a month after the tournament. That led the manager to send Shaw away, as in forcing him to train separately from the rest of the team until he is able to get himself back into shape. With United currently touring the United States playing exhibition matches, Shaw is on the road with them, but working out on his own. Asked why, Van Gaal said: "He is OK, but I am always a trainer-coach who sees individuals and what they need. He needs to be fit and is not very fit and fit enough to do what I want. He needs to train individually until he is fit." According to van Gaal, Shaw actually agreed with his assessment, but neither is sure how long it will take for the striker to get back where his coach wants him physically. Shaw will continue to work out with conditioning coach Tony Strudwick, doing inane things like running sprints and practicing his passing for now. The good news for United is that exhibition games in a foreign country don’t matter at all and Shaw’s absence isn't ruining anyone’s day except his own………

- The real news when it comes to the alleged hacking of the city of St. Louis’ website isn't that the hacking supposedly took place, but more so that anyone knows the site exists and spent any time on it at all. Websites for local government aren't exactly known for shattering Web traffic records or boasting innovative content, but some bored hacker who was between games of “Call of Duty” and hadn't yet settled on a time to make a Taco Bell run with his fellow computer dork buddies decided that it would be amusing to worm his or her way in and alter some key data on the city’s official website ahead of statewide primary elections on Aug. 5. The site is allegedly a place where voters can get election information about the Missouri Primary, if anyone actually logged onto government websites seeking anything other than a coma due to boredom. Google picked up on the potential hacking, as it flags websites as hacked when a hacker may have made changes to the information on the site. The Web search giant flags such sites and recommends that people stay away from them until security is restored and the site is declared safe. Visiting before the all clear is given can expose a user’s device to spam or malware. Again, all of this would matter a whole lot more if this had happened to a site that more than five people a year visit, perhaps one with lots of porn or some adorable cat videos………

Mark Cuban's rage, movie news and Scotland wants more visitors

- Aye, lad. Scotland has always been a great place to visit, but as they weigh a referendum to declare their independence next month, Scots are hoping that their strong tourism industry will get a major boost from the bestselling "Outlander" saga. The franchise features a 20th century English woman and her 18th century Highlander love and it will get a glitzy reboot courtesy of Starz this month. The series will seek to explore Scotland’s fog-cloaked, overcast awesomeness while telling the tale of a time-traveling nurse and her gallant young husband against the backdrop of the Jacobite Rising of 1745. The impending debut of the show has Scotland bracing itself for what it hopes will be an influx of tourists seeking not only its world-famous golf courses, but also its history and romance.  “There's a massive interest in all things Outlander and Scotland,” says Jenni Steele, film tourism and creative industries manager at VisitScotland. “We're seeing lots of new people really excited about the TV series.” According to VisitScotland, "Outlander"-themed trips are up and there are myriad options for those who want to explore cities like Edinburgh, Glasgow, Inverness and the Scottish Highlands. One top option is diving into Jacobite history at locations such as the National Museum of Scotland or the Highlands Folk Museum. Inverness is the heart of the Highlands and its proximity to the countryside and historical sites including Culloden Battlefield, the site of the final, catastrophic battle of the Rising. Fans of “Outlander” will also want to visit the standing stone circle where Claire hurtled back through time. Options abound and whiskey and haggis await for those willing to make the journey………

- Good reviews and loyal fanboys proved to be strong indicators for “Guardians of the Galaxy” as the sci-fi comedy opened to a robust $94 million and earned more than the rest of the weekend’s top 10 combined in its debut. Reigning box office champion “Lucy” slid to second place, adding another $18.3 million to its coffers for a two-week domestic bankroll of $79.5 million. The new James Brown biopic “Get On Up” snagged $14 million in its opening weekend, a solid first frame for a film not expected to dominate at the local multiplex. “Hercules” saw its earnings tumble 64 percent in its second weekend, adding $10.7 million to its domestic total, which now stands at $52.4 million. “Dawn of the Planet of the Apes” lost ground and could do no better than fifth with its $8.7 million effort. In one month of release, “Apes” has brought in $189.3 million and counting. “Planes: Fire & Rescue” kicked off the second half of the top 10 in sixth place thanks to a $6.4 million weekend that took it to the brink of profitability at $47.6 million for three weeks of release. The most relatively profitable movie of the summer continues to be “The Purge: Anarchy,” which amassed $5.5 million this weekend and against a scant $9 million budget, has piled up $63 million in domestic income. “Sex Tape” is still flailing feebly in its third week of release, managing just $3.5 million and $33.9 million total for its run. Ninth place was the domain of “And So It Goes” slotted ninth with $3.4 million, narrowly earning the penultimate top 10 spot while raising its total take to $10.5 million. “A Most Wanted Man” completed the top 10 with $3.3 million and in two weeks of limited release, it has made $7 million. “Transformers: Age of Extinction” (No. 12) and “Tammy” (No. 13) both fell out from last weekend’s top 10………

- How do you tell an entire region of people that there isn't enough water to go around and convince them to follow strict laws on conservation during a drought? If you’re government officials in Southern California, you go with a thoroughly ridiculous cartoon character plastered on digital billboard displays in the hopes that a green animated creature will do the trick. Specifically, water officials in the region took one look at weather data indicating the severity of the state’s expanding drought and cooked up a cartoon mascot called “Lawn Dude” meant to remind residents to restrict their water usage amid strict new regulations. The billboard went online late last week with a small green blob who gives voice to the average residential grass lawn. “Don’t hose me man!” one billboard states, while another informs the bored motorist stuck in traffic that is turning a 15-minute commute into a two-hour trek, “I only drink 2 days a week.” The public service campaign is led by the nonprofit Southern California Water Committee amid an ongoing and historic drought. Data released Thursday showed about 58 percent of California was in “exceptional” drought, the worst category, a 22-percent increase from just one week ago. The whole state remains in “severe” drought at a minimum, as it has been since mid-May. Among the rules the amorphous green blob wants to communicate to the masses is that Californians must stop the following activities: washing down driveways and sidewalks; watering of outdoor landscapes that cause excess runoff; using a hose to wash a motor vehicle unless the hose is fitted with a shut-off nozzle; and using potable water in a fountain or decorative water feature unless the water is recirculated. Violators face potential fines of up to $500 per day. Lawn Dude is waging his war for water conservation on social media as well, all in the hopes of averting a state drier than Provo, Utah on a Saturday night……….

- Not everyone is handling Paul George's gruesome leg fracture suffered Friday while playing in a Team USA Basketball scrimmage with class and grace. George’s own team, the Indians Pacers, is presenting itself well publicly even though it knows that its best player is likely out for the season thanks to a meaningless game that didn’t count for anything, anywhere. In a statement issued Saturday, Pacers president Larry Bird said: "We still support USA Basketball and believe in the NBA's goals of exposing our game, our teams and players worldwide. This is an extremely unfortunate injury that occurred on a highly-visible stage, but could also have occurred anytime, anywhere." Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, who theoretically suffered no harm from George’s leg snapping in half in Las Vegas, is not being so kind. In light of the injury, Cuban has revived his calls for the NBA and its players to organize their own quadrennial competition separate from basketball’s governing body, FIBA. Cuban is a longstanding hater of international basketball in its current form and has a major beef with NBA teams allowing their players to play for their national teams while taking on the bulk of the financial risk in the event of injury. FIBA’s official policy is that only players themselves can refuse their country's invite to play for the national team except in the event of a "reasonable medical concern." The San Antonio Spurs used that clause to prevent Manu Ginobili from representing Argentina at FIBA's upcoming Basketball World Cup, but Cuban wants something more substantial. "The [International Olympic Committee] is playing the NBA. The IOC is an organization that has been rife with corruption, to the point where a member was accused of trying to fix an Olympic event in Salt Lake,” Cuban said. "The greatest trick ever played was the IOC convincing the world that the Olympics were about patriotism and national pride instead of money. The players and owners should get together and create our own World Cup of Basketball." One can almost see the dollar signs dancing over Cuban’s head as he spoke those words……….

Lorde seeks originality, Slovenian prison freedom and strip-clubbing NFL All-Pro drunks

- Arizona Cardinals linebacker John Abraham needed to apologize….just for more than he actually owned up to on Friday, one month after being arrested on a DUI charge. Abraham issued a statement through the team and in it, he made his first comments since the arrest. "First, I want to apologize to my family and friends, the Cardinals organization, my teammates and the fans for letting them down," he said in the statement. "I understand the significance of my actions and right now I am taking the necessary steps to handle my personal business. I am very thankful for the support from my family, friends and especially the Cardinals organization during this time in my life.” Those words are fine, but the real omission from the mea culpa is for being that guy – as in the guy who was driving drunk because he was day drinking at a strip club. While many guys swear by the all-you-can-eat buffet of quasi-food at their local gentleman’s club, an NFLer should never been liquoring up at the Pink Pony strip club in the middle of the day. Professional athletes should be able to pull most any woman they want and not need to go pay for the privilege of seeing a woman get naked. Abraham was arrested after an officer found him passed out behind the wheel of his black Dodge Challenger around 4 p.m. ET on June 29 at an intersection of an Atlanta suburb after he had left the club. When he was roused, he insisted he had just two drinks and told officers at the scene that he had been waiting on someone to pick him up, but the person never arrived. After admitting that he didn’t feel he was OK to drive and failing several field sobriety tests, the All-Pro linebacker made a pathetically early trip to the drunk tank and later had his license suspended……….

- If only all prison stints were so flexible and all prison officials so accommodating. Slovenian ex-Prime Minister Janez Jansa has been serving a two-year sentence for bribery since June. That sort of criminal enterprising should be a reason for a man to remain locked up for the duration of his sentence, but Jansa is no ordinary prisoner. Somehow, despite being locked up, he actually won a seat in parliament. Voters in Slovenia simply don’t seem to give a damn about whether a candidate is currently incarcerated or not and they voted for the leader of the opposition Slovene Democratic Party in disturbingly high numbers. The victory was nice, but it left Jansa with a problem. He had a seat in parliament, but guys in prison jumpsuits and only one hour of rec time a day can't exactly go about legislative business at the capital the way other non-felonious lawmakers can. That’s where his understanding prison administrator friends come in. They magnanimously granted Jansa a brief prison furlough to attend the country's first parliamentary session and he arrived unescorted to Friday's parliamentary session as several hundred supporters gathered outside the building. Yes, there were sycophants so adamant in their support of a criminal that they actually gathered en masse outside the legislature to show their belief in him. All of this is facilitated by the fact that Slovenia's laws don't formally ban a prisoner from running for the 90-member parliament, which is something Jansa’s colleagues may want to tackle. A few wise souls have demanded that he be stripped of his seat, but so far that movement hasn’t gained much traction………

- Give Lorde credit. She cranked out a very well-received album in 2013 and “Pure Heroine” was both a clever double entendre and a polished project that launched the hit single “Royals,” so putting together the follow-up should be a logical walk down the same musical path. Instead, the New Zealand singer says she is struggling to write new songs because everything she is coming up with sounds too much like her debut album. For many pop stars, that wouldn’t be a concern. Cranking out the same generic sound over and over would be perfectly acceptable as long as fans were buying it and showing up at concerts. Lorde feels otherwise and added that she is trying to move her songwriting to a new place rather than staying exactly where she is. “I’m definitely writing new stuff. I don’t know how everything will end up. The first period of writing after you have recorded an album, it all sounds like the album before it,” she said. “I’m trying to get that out of my system and move it to a new place. But I’ve been writing with some good people and just doing weird, cool stuff, which is always good for being creative.” In addition to working on her own album, Lorde is overseeing the soundtrack of the new Hunger Games film “Mockingjay: Part 1,” which is due out in November and will feature her first new music since “Pure Heroine.” She said she is reaching out to every artist on the soundtrack personally, although one would suspect she won't be contacting Weird Al Yankovic, who parodied “Royals” on his own new album. Still, Lorde said she was “psyched” to be parodied by Yankovic and actually initiated the parody by reaching out to him……….

- Butter me. A topping party broke out over the weekend in the eastbound lanes of I-465 just west of I-65 in Indiana when a semi carrying 45,000 pounds of butter and whipped cream crashed along the expressway due to a narcoleptic driver who couldn’t stay awake. According to Indiana State Police officials, driver Charles Pryor III fell asleep and hit a sign. The force of the collision tore the trailer in half, sending containers of butter and whipped cream products sprawling across the highway. The scene got messy in a hurry with Reddi-Whip, Blue Bonnet butter and Parkay butter spray strewn across multiple lanes. Pryor escaped injury, but his fate with the company should be decided by all of Utah-based CR England’s trucks are equipped with an electronic on-board recorder that monitors a driver’s activity…..except for the fact that he was using a rental truck at the time of the crash while awaiting repairs on his CR England vehicle. Because of that, he was logging his driving and rest times on paper instead of electronically. That will make it tougher to determine whether he violated federal rules prohibiting drivers from driving more than 11 of the 14 consecutive hours they work. The various dairy-based products made quite a mess of the highway and delayed traffic for a few hours, but local and state police were eventually able to find enough rolls, butter knives and angel food cake upon which to used the spilled spreads and clean up the road so traffic flow could return to normal………

Uruguay's pot problems, cokehead PGA Tour pros and medics save a doll

- Saving inanimate objects is not enough of a priority on the to-do lists of most fire departments and their emergency medical personnel. Hoboken, N.J. is one place where the EMTs don’t need to be told about their duty to assist one and all, even if that number includes plastic baby dolls. Give credit to a select crew of medics in Hoboken who smashed a sport-utility vehicle’s window in an attempt to save a baby locked inside the sweltering vehicle, only to find that the 911 callers who alerted a dispatcher to the perilous plight of what turned out to be a doll. Multiple concerned citizens called 911 to report a baby trapped inside the Honda CRV on Jackson Street and somehow, the medics who responded to the scene were unable to determine that the endangered infant in the vehicle was merely a toy. Luz Kitty Mieles returned to her car to find shattered glass and apologetic medics who assured her that the city will pay for the necessary repairs to her ride. The doll at the center of the drama was left in the car, tucked into a child safety seat, by Mieles’ 2-year-old granddaughter. “I said, ‘Oh no, my car,'” Mieles said. “When I got there, everything was broken.” Despite having a shattered window and a major inconvenience, Mieles accepted the medics’ apology and the Hoboken Volunteer Ambulance Corps defended the EMTs’ actions. “The guys that were on the ambulance are taking a beating by their coworkers, but it’s all in good fun,” said Thomas Molta, president of the ambulance service. “But again, I’d rather err on the side of caution. You can replace a window. You can’t replace a life.” Maybe that can be the cornerstone of an exciting new advertising campaign to promote the ambulance service………

- There’s enjoying the lifestyle of a professional athlete…..and then there’s enjoying the lifestyle of a professional athlete. Dustin Johnson seems to understand the distinction and as a result, he has reportedly been suspended for six months by the PGA Tour after he tested positive for cocaine. It’s the third time Johnson has ended up on the wrong side of a drug test result - two for cocaine (in 2014 and '12) and one for marijuana (2009). That’s far from the only allegation of Johnson walking on the wild side. As the legend goes, he also had as many as two trysts with the wives of fellow tour players, with one indiscretion reportedly leading to the end of the associated marriage. The PGA Tour has remained silent on all of this because its guidelines prevent it from announcing any disciplinary actions against players who test positive for recreational drugs. Johnson tried to spin the situation in a more positive light, announcing that he was taking a leave of absence from competition, effective immediately, for "personal challenges." The tour then added a statement wishing Johnson well, which seems fairly hollow given the circumstances. When asked about the claims, PGA Tour executive vice president Ty Votaw refuted the report, reiterating that the leave is voluntary and saying Johnson has not been suspended. Whatever the details behind coke-addled top golfer not being on tour for six months, Johnson will miss next week's PGA Championship in Louisville, Kentucky, as well as the FedEx Cup playoffs and the Ryder Cup. His suspension/leave of absence could also impact sponsors such as TaylorMade-Adidas, but so far none have officially responded to the story……..

- Uh-oh. Uruguay was on its way to being the world’s first really cool stoner country, but that journey may be coming off the rails. The South American nation has a plan to create the world's first national, government-regulated marketplace for legal pot, but delays in implementing the plan are putting it at risk. Worse still, totally square opponents are making gains in pre-election polls, which also show most Uruguayans oppose a legal pot marketplace. Put all of the elements together and you have a country that could be in for an awesome era of burning ganja and not having to worry about The Man harshing their buzz, but is instead veering dangerously toward acting like every other country in the world. It has only been three months since a law went into effect allowing for the growing of pot by licensed individuals, the formation of growers and users clubs and the sale by pharmacies of 40 grams of pot a month to registered users. President Jose Mujica and his Broad Front movement have led the charge on the pro-pot plan, billing it as a viable option for combating rising crime rates. Sadly, even though it is now totally legal, no government-approved marijuana has been planted and officials still have not held a competition to select growers. The delays could be nothing more than typical bureaucratic red tape and delays, but the signs ominously lurking overhead as this matter develops suggest there are legitimate worries for anyone who dreams of smoking a legal blunt or firing up a legitimate bong in Uruguay……..

- Who knew “The Jungle Book” was still so popular? There are apparently two separate projects underway to retell Rudyard Kipling's oft-told story, with director Jon Favreau's (“Chef”) Disney film the most prominent. Favreau has already enlisted the help of some legitimate A-listers for the animated effort. Getting folks such as Idris Elba, Scarlett Johansson, Lupita Nyongo'o, Ben Kingsley and Christopher Walken on board becomes easier when they don’t have to actually appear on camera and can instead roll into the studio in their sweats, sans makeup, and read lines into a microphone all day. The latest addition to the all-star cast is Bill Murray, who will provide the voice for the character Baloo. Voicing an animated ape is a fitting next step in the career of an actor who launched his career on “Saturday Night Live” and has since played weird scientists in “Ghostbusters,” an eccentric weatherman in “Groundhog Day” and a quirky groundskeeper in “Caddyshack.” “The Jungle Book” is due in theaters Oct. 9, 2015, but it isn't the only film in the works based on the book of the same name. Motion capture acting star Andy Serkis is also preparing his own cinematic rendition of famous tale. "Puppeteering a digital avatar is something we’re trying to do at The Imaginarium, which is our performance capture studio in Ealing where I'm also working on ‘Animal Farm,’ ‘The Jungle Book’ and the next ‘Avengers’ movie,” Serkis said. While Favreau’s take on the story will have a decidedly Disney slant, Serkis said his version will embrace the book's dark side………

The Libertines don't practice, the A's make a trade blunder and Greece lends a hand

- What the eff, Greece? Your country is on the verge of financial ruin, you’ve dealt with regular riots for months on end and yet, you’re going to be the ones helping the Chinese government with the evacuation of "hundreds" of its citizens from the violence in Libya. Libya has been a hellhole of violence since the 2011 ouster of dictator Muammar Qaddafi, but the unrest has reached new heights of late and governments from around the world are scrambling to evacuate their citizens from the country. Greece just happens to be in the neighborhood and therefore, a viable option to lend a hand. Plus, the Greeks totally need the cash and will probably take any request to give folks fleeing Libya a ride. A Greek government official confirmed that China chartered a merchant vessel, but refused to expound on the rescue plan. According to the Greek Defense Ministry and other government officials, the sudden rescue nation will also send a navy frigate to pick up its embassy staff members as well as about 70 Greeks and dozens of others from China, Cyprus, Britain and Malta after their governments requested help. All of this rushing to get out the door is a direct result of clashes between heavily armed rival militias in Libya resulting in the worst violence since the civil war three years ago. In the past few weeks of fighting, nearly 100 people have been killed, 400 others wounded, and much of the airport in Tripoli has been destroyed. Multiple countries have suspended operations at their embassies in Tripoli and earlier this week, Spain sent a military plane to pick up 60 people from Libya. Last one out should turn off the lights, except by this put all the lights have been blown to sh*t, so never mind………

- Clearly the Oakland Athletics did not consult their marketing department before pulling the trigger on one of the boldest moves ahead of Thursday's trade deadline. If they had, they clearly would not have gone through with the acquisition of ace pitcher Jon Lester in a deal that included popular slugger Yoenis Cespedes heading out of town. Cespedes, the All-Srtar outfielder and two-time defending Home Run Derby champion, was sent to Boston along with a draft pick in exchange for Lester and outfielder Jonny Gomes as the A’s sought to bolster their already-sterling rotation. Normally that sort of balls-out trade would be a great move for a team….unless it happened to have 10,000 T-shirts emblazoned with the last name of the All-Star they just shipped out. See, the A’s had planned a promotional giveaway for their home game against the Kansas City Royals on Saturday, when the first 10,000 fans would receive a Cespedes-themed T-shirt with the message "La Potencia" -- Spanish for "The Power" -- written across the front. That seemed like a wonderful idea, but it turned out to be a disastrous one now that Cespedes is no longer a member of the organization. As one would expect in such a situation, the A's announced on their official Twitter account that they still planned on giving away the T-shirts before Saturday's game. The only real options were giving the shirts out and recognizing all Cespedes did for their team or treating the shirts like the ones waiting for teams that lose major sporting events – shirts proclaiming them to be champions in the event they actually won the big one. Those shirts are shipped to a Third World country whose residents have no idea what they say. Just handing out free shirts to fans who will be happy to have them anyhow seems like an easier alternative………

- The Air Force has lots of important duties on a daily basis including protecting the air space of the United States from would-be invaders and of course, joining in efforts to help control mosquito-borne illnesses plaguing South Florida. Yes, the United States Air Force has been called in for the spraying of Miami-Dade County with a very powerful insecticide from a plane. The process actually began Wednesday morning, but had to be delayed later in the day due to bad weather. The C130H plane, carrying 90 gallons of the powerful insecticide, returned to the air around 6 p.m. Thursday evening. “Hopefully, depending on the weather tonight, we’ve already done the area here over the base and our plan is to be southwest of the base tonight—in Homestead Redlands area,” said Lt. Colonel Frank Galati from the Homestead Air Reserve Base. The insecticide in question is being used to help control the spread of dangerous diseases carried by mosquitoes like malaria, west Nile, dengue fever and chikungunya, the latter of which has most recently been seen with two cases in South Florida. It can be deadly and symptoms include muscle and joint pain, headaches and bleeding of the nose and gums. Despite the dangers, some locals have expressed concerns about the safety of the spray being used on account of its chemical components. None of them seems to be thankful that the Air Force showed up to help them………

- Some bands rehearse intensely for and spend hours preparing for gigs. The Libertines are not one of those bands. When Pete Doherty and his perpetually drug-addled self is involved, professionalism and attention to detail aren't exactly at the top of the agenda. For example, The Libertines played to thousands of people at London's Hyde Park last month as part of this year's British Summer Time Festival and yet, they didn’t exactly treat the gig like a big deal. In fact, they have revealed that they rehearsed for "one hour" before taking to the stage. That intense period of preparation came after they performed two warm-up gigs in Glasgow and didn’t bother to rehearse prior to either of them. According to drummer Gary Powell , one planned practice session in Hamburg was disrupted after Doherty drove the band away from their rehearsal space in the camper van he currently lives in. "While we were inside looking around he decided to kidnap us and drove off," Powell said. "We ended up down the Reeperbahn getting hassled by some prostitutes and watching the football. Hilarious.” There was actually a plan for a rehearsal on the morning of the Hyde Park gig, but Carl Barat flew from Paris to London the day before the gig after, "realizing it was probably what the occasion demanded.” That seems to make little sense, but the show itself seemed to go well and the audience didn’t boo The Libertines off the stage, so maybe not rehearsing is the way to go……….