- Sooooooo…..what did do with your bye-week free time, New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski? Did you spend it in a manner befitting a player on the most buttoned-up, robotic team in all of professional football? Or did you spend the time kickin’ it with a porn star and taking suggestive pictures you then gave her permission to post on Twitter? Option B it is. Gronkowski, one of the Patriots’ talented young pass catchers, is now spending his time apologizing to team owner Robert Kraft and the organization in general after adult film star BiBi Jones posted photos of herself in Gronkowski's jersey standing in front of him as he stood shirtless and gesturing at her. Jones appeared on a sports talk show on Monday and said that the two of them share a mutual friend who played football with him at Arizona. Hence, Gronkowski’s presence in Arizona during the bye week. "I went into the room to take a picture with him and he said, 'Put on my jersey,'" Jones said. "I asked him, 'Can I put these on my Twitter?' He was cool with it because I have more Twitter followers than him and he wanted me to get him more Twitter followers." The obvious next question is whether anything actually happened between the two of them and Jones was adamant that nothing happened, adding: "I wish something happened, but nothing happened." Sensing that suggestive pictures with a skank who takes it on camera from strangers might not reflect well on his employer, Gronkowski issued a general, uninspired apology Tuesday, saying, "I didn't send anything to hurt the reputation of anyone on the New England Patriots or on behalf of Robert Kraft. That's all, just a simple picture, that's all. From here on out, I'm just here to talk about the Pittsburgh Steelers and the big game this weekend." Oddly enough, the media kept pressing the issue and Gronkowski tried to deflect the questions before giving in and quasi-apologizing again. "[I was] not intending to hurt anyone or ruin the reputation of the New England Patriots in any way," he said. "[It's a] good organization here. ... I can't wait to get out to practice and focus on the Pittsburgh Steelers. That's all I'm worried about. It's all I care about." Thanks for clearing that one up, Robbie…………
- It’s 1975 all over again, y’all! House Speaker John Boehner is tossing out allegations of Russia attempting to reinstitute Communist Party policies as Bad Vlad Putin prepares for a return to power and now China is stepping up its oppression game in a way that would make the commie despots of years past shed a tear of joy. The latest step to wrest back Communist Party control over cultural industries that are fueling more independent viewpoints and poisoning the minds of the Chinese people by challenging them to think for themselves, Communist Party leaders will strictly limit the number of entertainment and reality programs shown on satellite television stations. Limit the viewpoints citizens are exposed to and don’t allow them to get any high-minded ideas in their heads about impractical things like basic human rights and freedoms, always a good call. Technically, the order from the State Administration of Radio, Film and Television applies to shows that are vulgar or "overly entertaining." The overly entertaining part of the order is especially hilarous. Enjoy a show, just don’t enjoy it too much. What is “excessively entertaining,” by the way? If a show causes a viewer to laugh but not laugh so hard that milk or soda comes shooting out of their nose, does that count as overly entertaining? Some concrete standards need to be put in place because otherwise - and no one wants to see this happen to those high-character commie bastards - people may get the impression that this is some arbitrary, blanket moratorium on anything the government doesn’t like for any reason. The order singles out programs dealing with marital troubles and matchmaking, talent shows, game shows, variety shows, talks shows and reality programming. Banning reality shows and “talent” shows (i.e. American Karaoke, X-Factor) is a brilliant move and one every nation should consider, but this isn't strictly a crusade against shows that make talent-less hacks famous and gives them the impression that they matter. In lieu of these shows will be news and cultural programming. The order follows a Communist Party meeting last week that asserted the need for strengthening social morality and boosting China's cultural influence abroad, apparently be dragging it kicking and screaming back to the 20th century…………
- One archaeological discovery simply wasn’t enough for Kevin Knight, a computer scientist with USC's Viterbi School of Engineering who recently helped crack the Copiale Cipher, a secret society's 18th century manuscript. Knight and his team are now working on discovering the secret behind an even more mysterious book, found in a chest of books outside Rome by a dealer in antique books. The Voynich manuscript has remained one of history’s biggest mysteries since its discovery, with its aging parchment coated in unknown characters. For decades, no one has been able to decipher it. Knight, however, believes the same techniques he used on the Copiale Cipher could also work for the Voynich manuscript. “We have decipherment algorithms, but we also have tools that just look for patterns,” Knight declared. “Those pattern-finders helped us find similar sets of letters in Copiale, and they have already started helping us find patterns in the Voynich manuscript.” Most people would have been content after cracking the Copiale Cipher - a mysterious cryptogram bound in gold and green brocade paper - and its 250-year-old coded document self. By breaking it, Knight and his colleagues unearthed the inner workings of an 18th-century secret society. Doing so meant starting without knowing the language of the encrypted document and playing a hunch about the Roman and Greek characters distributed throughout the manuscript. Some 80 different languages later, the researchers realized the characters were actually meant to throw them off. With this knowledge, they began to administer algorithms such as expected word frequency and a few phrases began to emerge: “Ceremonies of Initiation,” followed by “Secret Section.” Inspired by his success, Knight is now attempting to crack other famous coded messages, including ciphers the Zodiac Killer sent to the police in the 60s and 70s, the C.I.A.’s “Kryptos” sculpture and even the infamous Voynich manuscript. The manuscript is owned by Yale University and was discovered in the Villa Mondragone near Rome in 1912 by antique book dealer Wilfrid Voynich while sifting through a chest of books offered for sale by the Society of Jesus. Voynich futilely attempted to unlock the book’s mysterious messages for the remaining 18 years of his life. Now, Knight and his team of Swedish and American researchers will attempt to do the same and if they’re fortunate, maybe they won't die before accomplishing their goal the way Voynich did……………
- Maybe being in a man band really does make you stupid for the rest of your life? How else can one explain former N’Suck tip-froster/in-unison-dancing tool Justin Timberlake’s recent comments about his time on The Mickey Mouse Club. Timberlake, who of course has gone on to torment the world with the utter garbage he calls his solo music, believes that he and fellow MMC member Ryan Gosling were a pair of colossal badasses during their time on the popular kids’ show. "We used to do terrible things," Timberlake laughed. "We stole a golf cart. And we we're like, 'Yeah, man. We're stealing a golf cart.' But meanwhile, you know what? It's like on a backlot. There's just golf carts everywhere." But wait, the “criminal mischief” didn’t end there. "So, we stole the golf cart, and we drove into MGM Studios, which is totally illegal by the way," Timberlake continued. "I was like, 'What you want to do, thug?' And [Ryan] was like, 'I don't know, cuz.' Because that's definitely how we talked. I was like, 'I don't know man. I'm in the mood for some vanilla.' He was like, 'I'm in the mood for some chocolate.' So, we went and got milkshakes." Wow…..milkshakes and golf carts? I’m pretty sure that’s how they roll in Compton, yo. What a bunch of thugs in the making these two must have been when they lived together for six months when they were about 10. How these two ever stayed out of jail and on the straight and narrow long enough to avoid being inmates at a maximum security prison doing 25 to life, no one may ever know. If it were a crime to make crap-tacular pop music and unleash it upon the general public, perhaps that wrong could be righted…………
- One of the quickest ways to ascertain a person’s character is to put a giant pile of cash in front of them that does not have an easily identifiable owner and see how they react. A few fortunate Oklahomans got that chance Tuesday when they were driving west on Interstate 40. Several thousand dollars in cash were blowing freely across the road, just waiting to be claimed.. “Everyone is just shocked,” said motorist Dorinda Rose, one of the people who stopped to pick up the cash. “There were lots of people who were saying they were getting new shoes, new this and new that." Rose and her fellow good-luck-club members were driving on I-40 near Meridian when the money storm began raining good fortune down upon them. “We saw money going across the interstate. Lots of people were stopped. They almost caused an accident. People were running across the interstate picking up all this money,” Rose said. The sudden influx of cash caused a minor panic, leading to many drivers pulling over to the side of the road and getting out of their vehicles to grab as much as they could. Rose collected $430 before the fun was ruined by Emergency Medical Services Authority workers who stopped to investigate when they saw the traffic jam and found the bag where the money originated. Those wet-blanket EMSA workers then turned the money over to police, who have since determined that the money came from a customer at the First Enterprise Bank in Oklahoma City. So far, no one has stepped forward to claim the money…………
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