Tuesday, August 09, 2011

A delusional LeBron, lobster karma and streamlining smartphone offerings

- Karma or sheer stupidity? Could the answer simply be “yes”? In the case of Medford, Mass. fishermen and a group of local Buddhists, yes seems to be the perfect answer to the question. See, a group of kooks, er, um, Buddhists decided that the best way to spend their money and support their beliefs on life, freedom and spirit was buying 534 lobsters and setting them free in coastal waters. The group purchased the lobsters from a local seafood wholesaler, took them out on a whale-watching boat, blessed the lobsters and set them free. It’s not an uncommon gesture among animal lovers or those who believe in reincarnation, but the Buddhists made the small mistake of keeping tabs of the location where they released the lobsters on Wheel Turning Day, a day where Karma for positive actions is multiplied many times over. That information ended up in the wrong hands and found its way to the crew of the Gloucester-based Degelyse, a local fishing boat that capitalized on their valuable intelligence by steering straight for the coordinates of where the lobsters were released. The crew began fishing “and caught exactly 534 lobsters, the precise number the monks released” the next day. One might think having the lobsters caught so quickly would rankle the Buddhists, but they apparently understood the risk they ran in releasing the lobsters in that particular locale. “Even if they get captured again, they’ve had a longer life,” said Wendy Cook, a yoga instructor and former director at the Kurukulla Center for Tibetan Buddhist Studies in Medford, who was on the freedom mission. The fishermen who caught the lobsters knew where to send appreciation for their good fortune, shouting out to the Buddhists and making a request of them. “Thank you and come again next year Mr. Buddhist monks, we would like to invite you back again and again to purchase our lobsters and ‘restock the pond,’” the fishermen proclaimed. The only snag in this circle-of-life-and-death-and-profit story is that the chances the fishermen actually caught a) 534 lobsters and b) the exact lobsters released by the Buddhists are slim to none. Posting a video to that effect could be nothing more than an elaborate joke on the world. If not, the fishermen could be in for some seriously bad lobster karma………….


- While smartphone manufacturers ramp up the battle for market share and try to contend with the iPhone’s growing dominance, paring down one’s offerings doesn’t seem to be the most logical play but that’s exactly what Nokia is doing right now. The embattled handset maker is streamlining its offerings and began the slim down by announcing that it will not launch its newest N9 device—the first and possibly only one based on the MeeGo platform—and that it plans to end sales of its Symbian-based devices as well as low-end Series 40 handsets, as it prepares for a generation of devices it is developing using Microsoft’s Windows Phone 7 platform. Oddly enough, the N9 handset was well-received when it was revealed earlier this year and left many with the impression that the MeeGo-based handset was finally living up to many expectations of what Nokia could do with a smartphone. Its smooth graphics, bright interfaces, easy-to-manage operations and polished design were seen as universally appealing, but Nokia’s strategy for its release was confusing. Revealing the N9 after announcing major strategy shift to Windows Phone made little sense and that reality eventually prevailed at Nokia, which is now electing for a simplified approach and said as much in an official statement which read: “After the very positive reception to the launch of the Nokia N9, the product is now being rolled out in countries around the world. At this time, we will not be making it available in the US. Nokia takes a market-by-market approach to product rollout and each country makes its own decisions about which products to introduce from those available. Decisions are based on an assessment of existing and upcoming products that make up Nokia’s extensive product portfolio and the best way in which to address local market opportunities.” By day’s end Monday, the N9’s demise was joined by a proclamation that Nokia would also cease to sell Symbian smartphones and Series 40 feature phones in the U.S. when it launches the Windows Phone products. Those products are expected to launch by the end of the year. Will those launches be enough to reverse Nokia’s rapid downward sales trends? Nope. The Android, iPhone and BlackBerry will all continue kicking its smartphone ass, but give Nokia a few bonus points for at least trying……….


- Is there a movie Hollywood will not remake? Of course not. No matter how recent or terrible a movie may be, there is a studio willing to remake it because remaking movies means earning money without having to come up with an original concept or do the heavy lifting of actual creative thought in a “never been done before” way. So of course there will be a remake of Dirty Dancing! The only miracle is that this recycled chick flick hasn’t already been done. The reincarnation of the classic dancing movie will be directed by the original movie's choreographer, Kenny Ortega, of High School Musical and Michael Jackson's This Is It fame. The studio behind the project, Lionsgate, must be excited about regurgitating one of the most famous dancing movies of all-time now that crappy reality shows like So You Think You Can Dance and Dancing With the Stars are all over networks’ primetime lineups. "Patrick Swayze set the bar for men dancing in the movies as Gene Kelly and Fred Astaire did before him," Ortega said in a statement. "I believe everywhere you look there is evidence that the talent is out there and I can't wait to begin the process of discovering the next breakout triple-threats." For those who have somehow been fortunate enough to escape the original version of the movie, it starred Swayze as summer resort dancer instructor Johnny Castle and Jennifer Grey as Frances "Baby" Houseman, his unlikely dancing partner and love interest. Why is Lionsgate remaking the movie now? Because the original cost just $6 million and has gone on to earn more than $215 million. Extrapolate those numbers out with a $60 million budget (totally reasonable by today’s standards) and the new Dirty Dancing could make $2.1 BILLION! Grey likely won't be a part of the new version, but is nonetheless pumped about it. "I'm so excited about this news, and I think there's nobody better to do this than my beloved Kenny Ortega, who is as responsible as anyone for the success of the first one," Grey said. "I can't wait to see what he's going to do with it." Glad someone is excited about it…………


- North Korea is a menace to the world. No one questions this truth, but the fear comes primarily from the belief that dictator Kim Jong Il will develop a nuclear arsenal and kick off World War III by attempting to nuke South Korea off the map. As it turns out, the threat may come from a very different place, a place that does not (technically) exist in the flesh-and-blood sense. Seems that K.J. Il is looking to mine gold in the world of online games. Reports surfaced this week that the bespectacled despot has developed a team of in-game gold farmers to help raise extra income for his country. This team of hackers, supposedly comprised of North Koreans, South Koreans, and Chinese operatives, have targeted MMOs (Massively Multiplayer Online) such as Lineage and the popular Korean game Dungeon and Fighter to amass online credits that can then be sold for high prices. One bizarre rumor had a certain member of the Baldwin family (yes, the acting Baldwins) as a member of the team, but he was supposedly botted in dramatic fashion as DJ K.J. Il declared, “You are worthress Alrec Barwin.” Kooky rumors aside, the raw numbers being tossed out on how much the North Korea MMO tem has amassed are not that impressive - yet. The game farmers have allegedly amassed nearly $6 million by farming for gold and selling said gold on the internet “black market,” where desperate players purchase in-game success with real money. Just half of that money has been transferred to North Korea’s capital of Pyongyang. That won't even buy one intercontinental ballistic missile capable of bombing the living sh*t out of Seoul, so clearly the communist MMO dream team needs to step up its game if it plans to play a vital role in anything beyond covering Kim Jong Il’s budget for oversized burlap sacks doubling as leisure suits and office supplies…………


- LeBron James has been called many things - especially over the past year - but up to now, delusional has not been one of them. That has changed courtesy of comments the Miami Heat star made while back in his hometown of Akron on Monday while leading a charity event that included a bike ride and an educational stop at a local library. While there for the event, James sat down for an interview and expressed what is undoubtedly the first optimistic views on the NBA lockout since it began at the end of June. "I'm preparing for an NBA season," James stated. "I'm preparing for there to be a training camp in the next month. I'm very optimistic that Billy Hunter and the owners and David Stern will figure out a way to come together and for us to have a season. And I'll be ready for it." LeBron is optimistic, but one of the men he mentioned is not, at least not if Hunter’s remarks last week to a conference of attorneys in Baltimore at to be believed. Hunter told attendees that he would bet against there being a 2011-12 season "at this moment.” Stern hasn’t exactly been positive about the fate of the season either, accusing the NBPA of not being serious about reaching a new labor agreement. Maybe James knows something no one else knows and maybe he’s privy to top-secret deals and facts that not even those in charge of negotiations know about, because that’s the only way anyone could be optimistic about the season. Most NBA stars are either on streetball tours of New York (a handful) or have signed/are exploring deals with foreign teams in places like Germany, Italy, Israel, Turkey or China. Nets All-Star Deron Williams has already reached an agreement to play in Turkey and Kobe Bryant is reportedly considering playing in China, as are Dwight Howard and Dwyane Wade. What is James doing after coming up very small in a stunning loss to the Dallas Mavericks in the NBA Finals? He says he’s working out twice a day and has sought the help of one of the sport’s legend’s to improve a deficient part of his game. James explained that he's been in Houston at times this offseason to learn post play from one of the game's all-time greats, former Rockets star Hakeem Olajuwon. "Right now I've just been focusing on being a better player, working on my game every single day," he said. Like I said, the Dallas Mavericks were a great team and they deserved to win that championship. And I'll just use that as motivation coming into this season. I'm doing whatever it takes to just become a better basketball player.” Working on a game that was severely lacking when his team needed it most is a good idea, but mixing in some time with a psychologist for his case of delusions regarding the lockout might also be a good idea as LeBron sketches out his schedule for the next few months…………

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