- I love stoners. You all know this by now, so what I’m about to say is a painful admonishment and criticism of a group near and dear to my heart. God love ‘em, but potheads are not a brilliant group by nature. Sure, some of them are geniuses in different fields – Bob Dylan, Snoop Dogg, etc. – but the general rule is that if you spend your life getting baked, growing the hippie lettuce or selling it, you are not among our society’s sharpest minds. Take the story of an unidentified man from the Florida Keys, a tool dumb enough to be J edi mind-tricked into turning himself in for growing the chronic on a vacant lot by the cops. How did the police do this guy in? Well, the officers who confiscated the marijuana plants from a vacant, wooded lot, in Marathon, Florida, after they were tipped off by a citizen decided to throw out a half-prayer/half-joke ransom note where the plants had been. The note, without a signature of identification, asked the owner of the plants to call a provided phone number if he or she wanted their crop back. "Thanks for the grow!" read the note, which included a phone number. "You want them back ? Call for the price ... let's talk." Now at this point, anyone with any semblance of intelligence is running the other way. Only six plants were seized and it’s not the end of the world, especially when you don’t know who’s going to be on the other end of that phone when you call. But as we discussed, stoners are generally a cut below the rest of us in the IQ department and so this fool actually dialed the number to get his pot plants back. Col. Rick Ramsay of the sheriff's office said detectives "were laughing to see if somebody was dumb enough to call back." Not only did someone call, but the call came a mere 20 minutes after the note was left. Monroe County sheriff's department special investigations detectives took the call and pretended to be holding the plants hostage for a ransom. "They were shocked this guy called. They negotiated back and forth over a price, and finally settled at $200," said Ramsay. The detectives set up a meeting with this ass clown on a nearby street corner and he showed up, paid his $200 and instead of getting his hippie lettuce back, he received a nice pair of silver bracelets and a ride in a squad car. On his person, officers found a ledger book that contained detailed information on the growing operation including "when he planted, fertilized, watered, and harvested. He even named the plants. One was TNT, and another was Diesel," Ramsay said. Un-freaking-believable. Dude named his pot plants……...wow. He now faces charges of cultivating and selling marijuana as well as possession of drug paraphernalia. Thanks for reinforcing that negative perception of stoners, you jerk…………
- Google stepped up to make its major announcement at the 2010 International Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas this week and showed off its sleek new Nexus One smartphone Tuesday, the company’s first foray into the smartphone market. The company has built its reputation as the leading search engine on the Web, has ventured into email and online maps, but now it is creating an online store to go with its new smartphone offering. In fact, Google announced that the Nexus One would be available for sale through its very own Google-hosted Web store. The store allows users to take a 3D tour of the Nexus One, check out some of the apps available and if they have $529 to throw away on a smartphone, they can also buy one. "We also want to make the overall user experience simple: a simple purchasing process, simple service plans from operators, simple and worry-free delivery and start-up," said Mario Queiroz, Google's vice president of product management. For $529, you had better be getting some damn good perks and benefits with your phone and although I’d argue that no smartphone is worth that price, Google does offer Nexus One customers the chance to pick a phone first, and then decide on a carrier. By combining the Nexus One with its existing online operations, Google also puts itself in an advantageous position because it doesn't even have to make a profit on the Nexus One -- all the company has to do to is get people to be on the Internet more to use its other services. Oh, and their existing Web presence gives them a great place to whore themselves out, advertising out the wazoo for their new gadget. Expect to be bludgeoned over the head with Nexus One ads and promos every time you visit a Google-run Web site for the foreseeable future. Should you be dumb/rich enough to buy a Nexus One and throw away what is a decent-sized weekly paycheck for many Americans these days on a phone, I’d be interested to hear just how much you regret your decision…………
- Super, just super. This is going to put the kibosh on my regular afternoon naked jog down Pennsylvania Avenue. One idiot who doesn’t know how to take an inconspicuous naked jog near the White House and he ends up ruining it for everyone. This kook was taken into custody and later hospitalized for mental-health observation after he took off his clothes and began a jog a few blocks from the White House. The man was spotted taking off his clothes Wednesday evening about 5 p.m. He left his clothes near 15th and E streets (everyone knows you don’t leave your clothes there for a naked jog) at the northeast corner of the Ellipse, the green space south of the White House. The naked run lasted less than a minute before the authorities stopped and apprehended him. The man did not resist arrest, nor did he make any threats. His bag was declared suspicious, but its contents were quickly found to be harmless. There was no indication that he was looking to go visit President Obama (although tons of unauthorized people seem to be able to gain access to the White House these days) and by all accounts, this guy was merely out for a nice, brisk jog in the 35-degree January air. But he made several key errors, namely failing to wait an additional hour until it was dark outside and also picking a terrible route. Those of us in the know in the world of naked Washington, D.C. running have long since understood that the route this man took is the worst possible one if you want to enjoy your naked jog in obscurity and relaxation. As is true in so many walks of life, one loose cannon and one thoughtless jerk can ruin it for everyone…………
- If you’re dumb enough to believe that the much-hyped boxing match showdown between Manny Pacquiao and Floyd Mayweather, tentatively scheduled for March 13 at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas, is really dead, then I feel sorry for someone as naïve and clueless as you. Never mind that Top Rank promoter Bob Arum declared the fight dead after a last-ditch attempt at mediation between Top Rank and Golden Boy, which represents Mayweather, failed. "The fight's off," Arum, who promotes Pacquiao. As Arum’s story goes, the fight was called off because the two sides couldn’t agree on the proper drug-testing protocol for the two fighters. The debate boils down to Mayweather’s insistence on random blood testing at any point right up to the day of the fight and after the bout as well. Pacquiao, who has never tested positive for any illegal substances, had refused those demands because he was concerned that blood testing close to the fight might weaken him. Even after he reportedly agreed to move off his hard-line stance of refusing a blood test inside 30 days before the fight, the two sides couldn’t come to terms. Mayweather held tight to his request for random testing all the way until the fight and he refused to issue a public apology for remarks he made accusing Pacquiao of using performance-enhancing. Instead, Arum lashed out at Mayweather and after insisting that Floyd didn’t want to fight Pacquiao, he blasted Money May as a “psychological coward.” But Floyd being Floyd, you knew he wasn’t backing down or taking any of Arum’s verbal abuse. The very next day, Mayweather threw some verbal haymakers of his own in announcing that he still wants to fight Pacquiao. “Throughout this whole process I have remained patient but at this point I am thoroughly disgusted that Pacquiao and his representatives are trying to blame me for the fight not happening when clearly the blame is on them,” Mayweather said in a statement. "First and foremost, not only do I want to fight Manny Pacquiao, I want to whip his punk ass.” Now that’s what I’m talking about, Floyd. I would have liked it even better if you’d said it out loud instead of in a written statement, but I want fighters who want to whip their opponent’s punk ass. Even if all of this is just a big show to drum up even more interest for the fight (and it is), I’m okay with that. Having two of the best fighters around in Pacquiao (50-3-2, 38 KOs) and Mayweather (40-0, 25 KOs) in the ring for a nine-figure fight is too big a draw to pass up for any reason and these two are smart enough to realize that. Bringing in retired judge Daniel Weinstein, who had successfully mediated a series of disputes between Top Rank and Golden Boy in 2007, as a mediator on the blood-testing issue was a nice touch, but no one believes that this fight isn't going to happen. Why wasn’t I riveted by the prospect of the two sides spending nine hours in mediation on Tuesday in Santa Monica, Calif.? Well, nine hours of mediation is freaking boring, for one. But mostly it’s because I realize that there is too much money on the line for either of these guys to walk away and they know it. The mediation session was meaningless, although it was hilarious to see Pacquiao magnanimously agree to move moved off his hard-line stance of no testing inside 30 days from the fight by agreeing to 24 days during mediation. Thanks for the big concession, Pac-Man. According to Mayweather, he’s willing to accept a 14-day, no blood testing window for the fight, but Pacquiao’s team wouldn’t accept that. And of course, all of this started when Floyd Mayweather Sr., the father of the fighter, made several public remarks accusing Pacquiao of using performance-enhancing drugs. The ever-talkative Mayweather Sr. didn’t have any proof, but that didn’t stop him from running his yap. Of course, his words were enough provocation for Pacquiao to file a defamation lawsuit last week in Nevada U.S. District Court against Mayweather Jr., Mayweather Sr., Roger Mayweather, Mayweather Promotions and Golden Boy officials Richard Schaefer and Oscar De La Hoya. Having said all of these things, I will continue to look forward to this fight on March 13 and anticipate a “miraculous” revival of it in the weeks ahead after Bob Arum’s glum proclamation of death…………
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