Jelly doughnut rocks on Mars, French presidential mistress drama and NHL hilarity

- The television revival of a classic horror film is rounding out its cast with some rising names in the acting world and “Rosemary’s Baby” is shaping up nicely. The upcoming TV miniseries has added “Harry Potter” actor Jason Isaacs, who will star as Roman Castevet, the warlock leader of a coven. He previously held down the role of Lucien Malfoy in the “Harry Potter” franchise and will now join two big names as part of the four-hour long series based on the cult 1967 novel by Ira Levin. Zoe Saldana will play the role of a young wife who moves to Paris with her husband and becomes fearful that her new neighbors have evil plans for her child. Her husband, Guy, will be played by “Suits” actor Patrick J. Adams. NBC is producing the project, which is a retelling of the 1968 feature film by noted pedophile/director Roman Polanski. "Zoe has proven that she is one of our most gifted actresses and we think she has the perfect combination of spirit and gravitas to take on the title role from Ira Levin's infamous novel,” NBC executive Quinn Taylor said. “With Zoe leading the cast under the direction of Agnieszka Holland, this re-imagined event mini-series is off to a great start.” Taking the story to Paris is a new twist (and not at all true to the book or film), as both of the first two takes on the tale were set in Manhattan. The 1968 film version starred Mia Farrow and was shot in and around the Dakota building near Central Park. The location later became famous as the home of The Beatles' John Lennon and the site of his murder in 1980. But hey, a little (or a lot) of creative license with the actual details of a story is nothing new……….

- What’s the point of being a federal appeals judge if you can't enjoy the perks and benefits? For the former chief judge of Cincinnati's federal appeals court, his short time on the job was extremely beneficial even though his high-on-the-hog lifestyle might be coming back to bite him now. Judge Boyce F. Martin, a Louisville judge who for years led the U.S. 6th Circuit Court of Appeals, is under investigation for receiving almost $140,000 in travel expenses during his four and a half years on the bench. A judicial conduct committee has determined that Martin should be investigated by the public integrity section of the U.S. Department of Justice. Martin appealed the recommendation and insisted he had done nothing wrong, but the committee of judges who investigated the complaint against him ruled rejected that appeal. Complaints against federal judges are rarely made public and referrals to the Department of Justice rarer still, so there is clearly something more to this case. That has much to do with the fact that federal appeals judges are second in judicial power only to U.S. Supreme Court justices. The 6th Circuit hears death penalty appeals, church and state disputes, white collar crimes and serious drug cases, so a shady judge could have a significant impact. Court records show that the court’s current chief judge, Alice Batchelder, instigated the case when she complained about "questionable travel reimbursement requests" made by Martin. In a 55-month period between Jan. 1, 2008, and Aug. 2, 2012, Martin filed for reimbursements in the amount of $138,500. Unfortunately, the records do not specify the nature of the travel or which parts of the total expenses were questioned. Martin's spokeswoman, Claire Parker, boldly claimed that amount was "a fraction" of the total expenses and said the judge voluntarily repaid the total amount. Some of his expenses stem from the fact that most 6th Circuit judges live in one of the four states covered by the 6th Circuit — Ohio, Michigan, Kentucky and Tennessee — and must travel regularly to Cincinnati for hearings. However, being based 100 miles from Cincinnati in Louisville doesn’t seem to justify $140,000 in gas money over four and a half years……….

- Intrigue and mystery abound on Mars, where the latest discovery is a jelly doughnut-shaped Martian rock that "just plain appeared" out of nowhere in front of the Mars rover Opportunity. NASA researchers are having a difficult time identifying the strange stone, which showed up on images beamed back from the red planet last week. Even after initial testing, scientists say w it is "like nothing we've ever seen before." "It's very high in sulfur and magnesium, and it's got twice as much manganese as we've ever seen in anything on Mars," lead scientist Steve Squyres said. "I don't know what any of this means. We're completely confused, and everyone in the team is arguing and fighting (over what it means).” The rock has been dubbed "Pinnacle Island" and likened to a jelly doughnut because it has white around the edge and a low, dark red spot in the middle. Maybe a few members of the team investigating it were powering down some Dunkin’ Donuts jelly-filled treats in the break room prior to the find and that helped inspire the name, but equating anything to doughnuts is usually a great way to relate it to the average American. The rover has been patrolling Mars since 2004, but it has been stationary the past month as it waits for better weather. Yet in its unmoving state, Opportunity spotted the rock, which was not visible in previous pictures taken four days before. Squyres said one theory is that the rock was blown out of the ground after being hit by a meteoroid. Other members of the research team believe the rover could have dislodged it with one of the rover’s own wheels. "It obligingly turned upside down, so we're seeing a side that hasn't seen the Martian atmosphere in billions of years and there it is for us to investigate," he said. There to investigate, not to eat three of with your morning cup of coffee………

- French President Francois Hollande has a unique view on the role of his leading lady in the presidency, namely that she doesn’t have one. Hollande is in a tough spot, juggling both a wife and mistress, so it’s understandable that he is having a tough time deciding who should join him on his various official duties and visits. On the one hand, there is his longtime partner Valerie Trierweiler, who overdosed on prescription drugs when she learned that at a magazine was to expose the president's affair with Julie Gayet. On the other hand, there is Gayet, an actress who has been involved with Hollande for some time. Neither woman was with Hollande as he made an official visit to the Netherlands. Trierweiler rested at La Lanterne, the official presidential residence in Versailles, and did her best to avoid the sh*t storm swirling around the president. "Valerie Trierweiler is better. She is resting,” Hollande said during his visit. Nothing screams intimacy and closeness with one’s partner quite like referring to her by her full name, F. Then again, it’s tough to come across as caring and concerned about the lady loves of your life when one week prior, you said neither of them should be around when you’re on the job. "I don't want there to be a first lady at the Elysee in the future," Hollande said after a news conference last week. Television talking heads quickly seized on the remarks as evidence that Hollande wanted to end his relationship with Trierweiler but was unwilling to elevate Gayet to official role at his side. The post of first lady is not mentioned anywhere in French legislation, but Trierweiler has an office in the Elysee, a staff of five funded by taxpayers and whose salaries come to more than $30,000 a month. She also maintains her own page on the president’s official website…just not an official spot by his side in his most important moments………

- John Tortorella is the best. Even though he was fired as coach of the New York Rangers after last season and forced to bring his special brand of awesomeness to a smaller stage than the media bonanza that is Manhattan, Torts is still the greatest show in the NHL. Need proof? Just take his actions before, during and after Saturday’s game between his new team, the Vancouver Canucks, and the Calgary Flames. He was angry because the Flames offended him by putting their fourth line on the ice to start the game. That’s the line populated by tough guys and enforcers, signaling that a fight was about to happen. Tortorella countered with his tough guys and after defenseman Kevin Bieksa took the opening draw for Vancouver, a line brawl broke out as soon as the puck was dropped. Two seconds into the game, five skaters from each team dropped their gloves and began throwing punches. Multiple game misconduct penalties were handed out and the game went on, but so did Tortorella’s rage. At the end of the first period, televison cameras captured him attempting to go into the Flames' locker room at Rogers Arena. Calgary enforcer Brian McGrattan stopped the bum rush and Flames goaltender coach Clint Malarchuk came out of the Flames' dressing room after Tortorella and McGrattan were separated. An irate Malarchuk had to be held back by several players as Tortorella was led away from the scene. For some odd reason, the NHL had a problem with what went down and suspended Tortorella for 15 days without pay "Mr. Tortorella's actions in attempting to enter the Calgary Flames locker room after the first period were both dangerous and an embarrassment to the League," said Colin Campbell, senior vice president of hockey operations, in a statement. "Coaches in the NHL bear the responsibility of providing leadership, even when emotions run high, and Mr. Tortorella failed in his responsibility to the game." Sure, but without his actions, the NHL is back page news as people talk about other sports they are about more……….

Kasabian v. Miley Virus, Greece fugitives' YouTube threats and more reasons to hate smoking

- Grab your instrument and make some freaking noise, New Orleans. Normally, residents of the Big Easy wouldn’t need anyone to tell them to get loud, but this is an exception. The exception needed to be made amidst the ill-advised push for a tougher anti-noise ordinance in the city. That push was gaining momentum and may have succeeded if not for a vociferous protest by the Big Easy’s notoriously raucous musicians. As only New Orleans residents can, a cornucopia of brass, winds, guitars, banjos and drums sounded off outside city hall and later brought the noise to the chambers of the city council. Musician Glen David Andrews boldly called for a "jazz funeral" for the noise ordinance, hailing its perceived demise as his fellow musicians began playing "A Closer Walk With Thee.” The entire uprising was organized by the Music and Culture Coalition of New Orleans (MACCNO) — made up of musicians, bar owners and their advocates – and in a truly inspiring display, the protestors continued their demonstration even after the council’s Housing and Human Needs Committee canceled its meeting and withdrew the ordinance. Nothing says we’re pissed off and we’re not going to take it/we really like to entertain people quite like raging against the machine even after the machine has tapped out. Had it passed, the measure would have set sound levels for the French Quarter at pre-1997 levels and changed the way noise complaints are measured throughout the city. In the face of stiff opposition, the committee promised to “revisit” the issue and come back with an amended proposal at its next scheduled meeting on Jan. 27. The fools behind the proposed law are an ass-hatted group of city residents who say the city’s lofty ambient noise levels need to be lowered, even on Bourbon Street and in the French Quarter. Hey fools…you live in New Orleans, not New Haven. It’s a place people come to party and you’re ruining it……..

- In a truly sweet and sentimental moment, the outgoing commissioner of the NBA dealt one final financial blow to his longtime nemesis on the way out the door. Commissioner David Stern will exit stage left – with his immense ego and bottomless supply of condescension in tow – on Feb. 1, ending 30 years as commissioner. His biggest annoyance over the past 14 years has been bombastic Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban, who has been fined a record 20 times for a total of $1.9 million in penalties. Cuban has ripped the league for any number of issues, most of them centering on perceived injustices against his team by the officials. His last fine from Stern (theoretically) came down over the weekend and it came after Cuban asked for some sort of penalty as one last tip of the cap before Stern stepped down. The commissioner obliged, dinging Cuban $100,000 for confronting officials on the court and directing inappropriate language toward them at the conclusion of the Mavs' 129-127 loss to the Los Angeles Clippers. After being ordered to fork over $100,000, Cuban took to Twitter to respond with a cheeky message: “I couldnt let the commish go without a proper farewell. Its been a fun 14 years of trying to create change and donating to the donut fund!” Cuban added that he would donate an equal amount to a charity, meaning he was able to both clear his mind of some anger and do some good for society. His outburst came after the Mavs blew a 17-point lead and Clippers guard Jamal Crawford scored the go-ahead points on free throws after a controversial foul call against Dallas forward Shawn Marion. That gave Cuban a chance to live up to a promise to be the final person Stern fined during his tenure. The two men have gone back and forth since January 2000 and the reality that this could be their final skirmish is a bit sad……….

- Once again….proof that smoking absolutely sucks. That evidence may be unnecessary, but it came nonetheless as the American Lung Association released a new study showing that children’s exposure to secondhand smoke markedly increases the odds of being readmitted to the hospital for asthma. The study found that  400,000-1,000,000 children with asthma have their condition worsened by exposure to secondhand smoke. Researchers studied more than 600 children between the ages of 1-16 who were admitted to the Cincinnati Children’s Hospital and measured their cotinine levels and recorded information about tobacco exposure. They also followed each subject for one year to keep track of how many of them were readmitted to the hospital for treatment. Cotinine is a substance created when the body processes nicotine and by measuring cotinine in the blood and saliva of the admitted children, the research team was able to determine each participant’s amount of tobacco exposure. The researchers found that, “measurement of cotinine in the blood and saliva demonstrated a readmission risk in children exposed to secondhand smoke more than twice that of children not exposed.” Senior study author Dr. Robert Kahn of Cincinnati Children’s Hospital believes the ability to measure cotinine levels “presents the possibility of an objective measure that can be obtained when a child is seen in the emergency department or in the hospital and may be used to predict future hospitalizations.” He noted that monitoring tobacco levels could facilitate the targeting of “specific interventions at caregivers of those children before discharge from the hospital.” In other words, tell degenerate smokers to put down the cancer sticks before they sicken and/or kill the children in their care. Thanks for nothing, smokers………

- Thanks for that, Kasabian. The solid British indie rock band that has churned out four quality albums but never really achieved a significant impact on the music scene has finally done the world the honor of weighing in on the walking train wreck/publicity stunt that is Miley Cyrus. The former Disney Channel star and her twerking, grinding, chron-smoking ways are thrown in the public’s face on a daily basis and while she may think of herself as some sort of wrecking ball, Kasabian songwriter and guitarist Serge Pizzorno thinks of her as something else entirely. Pizzorno denounced Cyrus as  "a f*cking nightmare of the 21st century" in the wake of a number of high-profile incidents, including her much-discussed performance at the MTV VMA's in which she twerked her bizarre self all over Robin Thicke. Cyrus has since tried to explain her actions away by telling everyone that her actions are merely her playing a character, as if that somehow makes every cool and allows her to do whatever the hell she wants without any sort of judgment. Pizzorno isn't buying it and seems as confused by Cyrus’ act as everyone else. "I don't really know what that world is man. It's just a f*cking money making thing. We (the music industry) created Miley Cyrus man, that's our fault,” Pizzorno said. “She's just a f*cking accumulation of Internet porn, f*cking hip-hop, f*cking Disney World. She's just a f*cking nightmare of the 21st century." It’s a commendable attempt to fall on a grenade for the entire industry, but excusing Cyrus for her behavior is actually as big a part of the problem as anything. There are many at fault here, but it is primarily Cyrus herself who deserves the burden for the dumpster fire she has become………

- Hey Greece…are you still looking for fugitive Christodoulos Xiros? Finding the escaped anarchist shouldn’t be as difficult now that he has popped up online in a video in which he threatened the government with armed action, accusing it of ruining the country with austerity measures. "I've decided to fire the guerrilla shotgun against those who stole our lives and sold our dreams for profit,” Xiros said in the footage. He was convicted in 2003 of belonging to the far-left November 17 organization and while using a YouTube video to announce your return to arms isn't original or especially menacing, there is a certain eerie quality to footage of an angry anarchist in a grainy video against a generic backdrop ripping the media, the judiciary, the police and his political opponents and promising to make them pay. The political opponents in question would be the extreme right-wing Golden Dawn party and Xiros made an offer in the video for Greece's security forces to join with him against the enemy – of which they are apparently not a part. Later in his rant, Xiros condemns the two parties in Greece's governing coalition, the conservative New Democracy and the socialist Pasok, condemning them for treason and stating that the "price of their treason is death.” Prior to the posting of the video, Xiros’ whereabouts had been unknown since his escape earlier this month while on leave from prison to visit his family. Giving such a maniac a chance for a weekend at home with the fam wasn’t the wisest idea, but maybe authorities simply forgot that since emerging in the mid-1970s, November 17 has claimed responsibility for a series of deadly attacks against foreign diplomats and Greek politicians and businessmen over nearly three decades, killing at least 23 people. This story would appear to be far from over…….

Movie news, Microsoft's feeble help and "Cool Runnings" in Sochi

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! The force (of rage) is strong around the globe right now and the dueling leaders of this movement of mayhem are Bangkok and Kiev, where opposition movements are looking to topple what they believe to be corrupt governments. Anti-government rioters in Ukraine fired the latest shot at both their government and their Thai rivals Sunday when large crowds of pro-EU demonstrators rallied in Ukraine's capital against new laws that aim to curb public protests. In a beautiful piece of irony, those laws inspired a massive clash as rioters bum-rushed the parliament, which was cordoned off by rows of police and buses. Police responded with stun grenades and flares, leading to demonstrators attacking police as opposition politician and former heavyweight boxing champion Vitali Klitschko tried to stem the violence. The weekend’s clashes came after the new laws were hurriedly passed with a quick show of hands on Thursday by MPs loyal to President Viktor Yanukovych. Opposition leaders accused the ruling party of a coup and European Union officials expressed concern over the legislation. The anti-government movement has been in a frenzy since late November, when Yanukovych elected to withdraw from a landmark treaty with the EU. At Sunday’s gathering, opposition politicians called on their followers to disregard the new laws banning rallies that pro-EU protesters have been staging for the past two months. Most of the violence occurred as rioters headed away from the main square towards parliament, encountering cordons set up by police. In the day’s most badass move, a large group of demonstrators attempted to overturn a bus used by police. The bus was eventually set on fire after being hit by homemade fuel bombs crafted by rioters. Rear Adm. Ihor Tenyukh, who was fired by Yanukovych in 2010, warned the assembled mob that the current regime “will enslave you too.” Nothing proclaims a refusal to be enslaved quite like Molotov cocktails, fuel bombs and a fist to the face of The Man……….

- Some people, they don’t believe, Jamaica has an Olympic-qualifying bobsled team…again. No movie will be made about this story, but that doesn’t make the accomplishment any less impressive for the two-man bobsled team of Winston Watts and Marvin Dixon, who qualified to represent Jamaica in next month's Olympic Games in Sochi. Qualifying for the Olympics that no one actually wants to attend for fear of being blown up in a terrorist attack or having to spend two-plus weeks stuck in Russia is a real feat for Jamaican athletes and especially for Watts, who will be appearing in his fourth Olympics. He competed in 1994, 1998, and 2002, with his first two appearances coming in the four-man sled event that was depicted in the classic John Candy film “Cool Runnings.” Jamaica has not had a bobsled team qualify for the Games since 2002 and in a twist that is straight out of “Cool Runnings,” Watts and Dixon now face an uphill battle to get to Sochi. They have a spot if they can find a way there, but a lack of funding has put their trip from their Caribbean home to the land of Siberian gulags in doubt. The duo are hopeful that the Jamaican Olympic Association steps in, or donations will come from elsewhere. g "In truth, we still don't really know at the moment if we'd even have enough funds or sponsorship to fly to Sochi itself for the Games itself," Watts said. The idea of a Jamaican bobsled team sitting at home while the world’s best compete is a sad one, so don’t look for the funding issue to be a problem. Maybe the JOA can sell the film rights to this tale to make ends meet and the whole story can have a dream ending in which this team brings home the first Winter Olympic medal in Jamaican history……..

- Are Las Vegas visitors tired of getting jobbed by shady cab drivers? Of course they are. No one wants to throw unnecessary cash away on the ride from McCarran Airport to the Strip when they could have more fun throwing that money away at the MGM Grand, Bellagio or the Mirage. Taxi long-hauling has been an ugly not-so-secret secret in Las Vegas for years; cabbies taking naïve visitors the long route to their destination in order to gouge them for extra money. The Nevada Taxicab Authority has heard the complaints and taken steps to rectify the problem by establishing a system to inform customers about what they should be paying for a given ride. The NTA has erected signs around McCarran Airport detailing what it should cost to get to most hotel-casinos on the Las Vegas Strip. Additionally, the signs list the fastest routes to each property, as well as what taking interstates, Las Vegas Boulevard and Paradise Road should cost. "We hope that the drivers are honest and moral, but you can't always assume that for every single driver, so I think this is a great idea," said Clark County Commissioner Mary Beth Scow. Scow’s district includes the airport and while she applauded the effort, she warned that the signs – rigid and unchanging – won't always provide the most accurate fare information as traffic conditions change throughout the day. "If there's an event around the Thomas & Mack Center, the traffic will be much worse," Scow said. "We don't want our tourists coming in feeling like they're being taken in the first moment that they step into Las Vegas." It’s a salient point because as Scow points out, you want tourists throwing their money away at the feet of billionaire cainso owners who erect massive skyscrapers rather than into the hands of smelly cab drivers with funny accents…….

- Kevin Hart may not be the funniest man in the world despite advertising claims to the contrary, but he is one of the kings of the box office for the weekend after his new film “Ride Along” debuted in first place. With $41.2 million, Hart’s buddy comedy starring Ice Cube bumped reigning earnings champ “Lone Survivor” to second place with $23.2 million. In four weeks, “Survivor” has cranked out $74 million in domestic earnings. Two more new films held down the third and fourth spots as “The Nut Job” (third with $20.5 million) and “Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit” (fourth with $17.2 million) both delivered a bit less than expected in their debut weekends. “Frozen” fell three spots to fifth with $11.9 million and has banked an impressive $332.6 million and counting in its nine weeks of release. The Oscar-nominated “American Hustle” was next in sixth place thanks to its $10.6 million total, good for a six-week bank roll of $116.4 million and counting. “Devil’s Due” was the fourth new film to crack the top 10, placing seventh with $8.5 million. “August: Osage County” moved down one spot to eighth, bringing in $7.6 million for a four-week domestic haul of $18.2 million in limited release. “The Wolf of Wall Street” schemed its way to $7.5 million for ninth place but still hasn’t earned back all of its $100 million budget at $90.2 million and counting. “Saving Mr. Banks” rounded out the top 10 with $4.1 million and has scored $75.4 million in six weeks of release. Despite all of its hype, “Her” (No. 11) could not crack the top 10 once again, while “The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug” (No. 12), “The Legend of Hercules” (free-falling 10 spots to No. 13 in just its second weekend), “Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues” (No. 15) and “Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones” all losing their spots in the top 10 from last weekend……..

- Wise choice, Microsoft. Continuing to offer your malware scrubbing program to your world’s worst operating system is a brilliant move. Windows in any incarnation sucks, but Windows XP has been a particularly big disaster. For that reason, continuing to offer the malware program for an additional year after Microsoft stops patching the subpar operating system will be a huge help for those stuck using a Windows-based computer. "Microsoft's Malicious Software Removal Tool is aligned with the company's anti-malware engines and signatures, and as such the removal tool will continue to be provided for Windows XP through July 14, 2015," a company spokesperson said. The Malicious Software Removal Tool (MSRT) is updated monthly based on specific major malware families the company identifies in recent weeks. The tool is distributed through Microsoft's Windows Update service and the business-grade Windows Server Update Service on so-called Patch Tuesday, a day that exemplifies the problems the maker of a crap-tacular OS has by establishing a regular day of the month when it tries to fix its newest batch of problems. The MSRT then

runs a seek-and-destroy mission to eliminate malware. It is not an antivirus program, but rather a cleanup utility aimed at rooting out existing malware. Microsoft said previously that it would stop shipping Security Essentials' signature updates to XP PCs after April 8, but that date has been pushed back to July 14, 2015. Official security patches will stop in three months, bringing an end to 13 years of XP support. MSRT is currently No. 2 in the company's Download Center, underscoring how many clueless computer users with the world’s worst operating system run into problems on a regular basis. Estimates place the number of users with XP-based computers at 20-25 percent of the market, proving that Microsoft’s grip on the market is shrinking, just as it has been and should continue to be………

Chimpanzee gestures, NFLers struggle in the real world and bomb drama in Thailand

- Something stinks in Old Lyme, Ct., and it’s not difficult to determine the origin of the stench. No, there isn’t a challenge in finding the source of the small when thousands of dead fish are populating the bodies of water around your town. Residents have reported thousands of the lifeless aquatic creatures floating in the waters of various lakes and ponds around town and environmental officials are on the case. Sadly, it does not appear that there is any type of sinister explanation forthcoming, as investigators believe it was a natural occurrence. Eschewing the possibility that it could be a harbinger of an alien invasion or some sort of worldwide environmental disaster, the Connecticut Department of Energy and Environmental Protection said the glut of dead fish was the result of a cold shock. "Striped bass exposed to sudden change in temperature," explained Dave Simpson, director of DEEP Fisheries. "What we had a couple of weeks ago during that cold snap in very shallow water, simply they had no place to retreat to." Bummer. Striped bass who are trapped in cold water and can't make their way to deeper, warmer seas, leaving them dead in the water – insert rim shot here – is not a particularly enticing story. Neither is the sight of striped bass lining the banks and the marsh near the Black Hall River Friday, two weeks after the state experienced that deep freeze. What’s the plan for cleaning up the mess? "There have been a lot of birds taking advantage of the situation," Simpson said. "Lots and lots of seagulls, even bald eagles and raccoons." Ah yes, allowing nature to be nature’s Shop Vac. Solid idea and the fish that aren’t eaten will simply be left to decay………..

- Chimps, like angry New Yorkers stuck in Manhattan traffic, apparently use gestures to communicate with one another while pursing a specific goal. According to researchers from Georgia State University, chimps are able to use gestures when they need to communicate important aspects relating to a task they are working on. The Georgia State team studied two language-trained chimps as they interacted with a human experimenter in a task that required them to coordinate with each other to find a hidden piece of food. Study collaborator Dr. Anna Roberts pointed to the findings as evidence relating to the evolutionary past of language. "The use of gestures to coordinate joint activities such as finding food may have been an important building block in the evolution of language," Roberts said. In the exercise, the two chimps and human had to work with each other to find the hidden food in a large outdoor range. None of the three knew the location of the food, forcing them to work together well and share their knowledge to find it. "It allows the chimpanzees to communicate information in the manner of their choosing, but also requires them to initiate and to persist in communication," Dr. Charles Menzel, a senior research scientist at GSU's Language Research Center, said. "The chimpanzees used gestures to recruit the assistance of an otherwise uninformed person and to direct the person to hidden objects 10 or more meters away. By using gestures to successfully find their food, the chimps proved how well they can remember and communicate about their environment……..

- It was not a good week for the NFL in two distinct areas: members of the New York Jets behaving themselves in public and NFLers trying to navigate the stressful world of air travel. The fun began Thursday when news broke that Jets tight end was arrested in November and charged with possession of synthetic marijuana after police questioned him when a shopper at Target allegedly saw Winslow  masturbating in his car with two open containers….of Vaseline inside. Having one of his league’s players spotted rubbing one out in a retail store parking lot while high on synthetic chron probably isn't what NFL commissioner Roger Goodell wants to see drawing headlines in the days leading up to conference championship weekend. The good news is that Winslow had company. His former teammate, Jets quarterback Geno Smith was dumped from a Los Angeles-to-Fort Lauderdale, Fla. Friday afternoon for a trip home because he had a run-in with an air waitress who demanded that he take his headphones out of his ears for takeoff. According to Sgt. Belinda Nettles, the public information officer at Los Angeles International Airport, the altercation ensued when a Virgin America air waitress asked Smith to remove his headphones and Smith ignored her. When the air waitress unplugged Smith's headphones and tossed them aside, she reportedly told the quarterback he was a "threat" and asked him to leave the plane. Smith was not arrested and no incident report was filed, but being thrown off a flight for any reason is a bad look. Photos and video of Smith speaking to police officers at the gate and walking out of the terminal appeared online moments after the incident and yet, Smith did not have the worst airport experience of any NFL player that day. That honor belongs to Cleveland Browns wide receiver Davone Bess, who was arrested in Florida on charges of assaulting a law enforcement officer at an airport. According to Broward Sheriff's Office records, Bess was spotted acting erratically walking through the concourse at Fort Lauderdale/Hollywood International Airport. This tends to freak people out, so a police officer approached Bess. The officer noted that Bess seemed to be "under the influence of an unknown narcotic” and when the officer confronted him, Bess reportedly got into a fighting stance. When said officer took out his baton and crack Bess in the knee, the receiver seemed impervious to the effccts. He instead took off his shirt and assumed an aggressive posture. The incident ended predictably, with Bess charged with simple assault on an officer, resisting arrest without violence and disorderly conduct. All of this came one day after Bess posted a photo on his Twitter page of a small package containing what appeared to be marijuana. Yes, quite a week for NFL players trying to live in the real world……..

- Sh*t blows up and someone gots to take the blame. For example…a bomb blows up at an anti-government protest in Thailand, killing on and injuring 37, and both sides rush to blame one another for the incident. Protestors quickly pointed the finger at The Man and the government just as quickly intimated that the incident may have been set up by the protest movement itself. People’s Democratic Reform Committee (PDRC) leader Suthep Thaugsuban delivered a fiery speech after the blast in which he blamed the caretaker government of Yingluck Shinawatra for the grenade attack and vowed to escalate his anti-government rallies. In return, police asked pointed questions about the incident, nothing that protesters made a last-minute change in their march route and blocked police and reporters from entering a building near the attack scene where they say they found a stash of weapons. In the immediate aftermath of the explosions, protestors were seen pursuing the attacker into the deserted building. Military police searched the building with PDRC guards and outside, police were heckled and shouted down by protestors. Police are commonly thought of as pro-Thaskin, which the military takes the other side in the battle. Rumors that some military officers had cooperated with the PDRC in setting up the attack quickly spread via social media, but none of those allegations have been confirmed. Suthep denied he was behind the attack, saying “I am not that kind [of person]. I don’t kill my own supporters.” He did cash in one a golden chance to label the prime minister as “a demon” and suggest that something sinister was afoot………

- Two of Nashville’s favorite musicians may be working on an album together. Jack White is the busiest man in rock and roll, with a record label, solo career, multiple side projects and innumerable collaborations always in the works, and he just might be teaming up with legendary rocker Neil Young on an album of covers. Multiple sources have confirmed that the duo have finished the album, which is said to include songs by their favorite songwriters. There are several reports of Young recording an album at Jack White's Third Man studios in Nashville and a few days ago, White said he was working on two different albums. "I'm producing two records this month, and finishing them," he wrote in an online chat. "One of them is mine." The other one was left as a question mark initially, but that question seems destined to be answered by a project that includes such iconic tracks as Bob Dylan's “Blowin' In The Wind,” Tim Hardin's “Reason To Believe,” Gordon Lightfoot's “Early Morning Rain” and Ivory Joe Hunter's “Since I Met You Baby.” White is extremely well-respected in Nashville and working with an outspoken, highly political rock star such as Young could produce interesting results. White’s recent offerings have included his debut solo album and a new single with one of his bands, The Dead Weather. Young, having wrapped up whatever he and White were working on together, is busy doing his usual political sermonizing by touring at a series of benefit concerts in opposition to the Alberta tar sands. If and when the White-Young duet album becomes a reality, the blend of rootsy rock and roll and new takes on old favorites should be interesting………

Afghanistan still loves opium, Metallica is out of excuses and MLB expands replay

- Major League Baseball wants credit for doing something it should have done a long time ago. After years of dragging its feet and refusing to accept that technology could improve their game, baseball’s powers that be have finally welcomed in the replay age. Its arrival came when owners unanimously approved what commissioner Bud Selig called a "historic" expansion of replay to correct missed calls. The new system will go into effect this season and provide managers most of the power to trigger reviews, by providing them with one challenge per game, along with a second potential challenge if their first is upheld. If managers have used up their replays or a disputed play occurs after the start of the seventh inning, umpires would be authorized to initiate a review on their own. The reviewable plays will include: ground-rule doubles, fan interference, stadium boundary calls, force plays (except tags of second base on double plays), tag plays,
 fair/foul in the outfield only, trap play in the outfield only, a batter hit by a pitch, timing plays, touching a base (requires appeal), passing runners and record keeping. MLB executive Tony La Russa, one of the architects of the new system, estimated that some 90 percent of all potential calls are now reviewable. Disputed home runs were already reviewable and will not need to be formally challenged. To enact the new rules, MLB struck deals with the Major League Baseball Players Association and with the Major League Umpires Association and new MLBPA executive director Tony Clark expressed excitement for the expansion of replay. "The Players look forward to the expanded use of replay this season, and they will monitor closely its effects on the game before negotiating over its use in future seasons," Clark said in a statement. To operate the system, MLB will hire two additional umpiring crews and staff its New York replay center with a rotation of current umpire crews……..

 

- As the world knows, Colorado now allows stoners to stand in line for hours and legally buy wildly overpriced ganja in limited quantities. What the world may not have expected was the tangential effect that legalizing the hippie lettuce would have on edible pot products. For the greater Denver area’s largest supplier of marijuana edibles, business is booming and has been since Jan. 1. A one-month supply of products was gone in just three days at Dixie Elixirs and Edibles. Its chief marketing officer explained that the high (pun intended) demand for his company’s products has picked the pace up at a place that thrives on catering to the mellow and lazy. "We are working hard," Joe Hodas said. "We like to call ourselves the future of cannabis. Actually demand's been huge and our employees have been just killing it working around the clock." Demand is so high that Dixie Elixirs and Edibles is enforcing a strict limit of two products per day at recreational pot shops. What sorts of pot-infused products is the company shopping? Chocolates, mints, topical lotions and elixirs are all on the menu and Hodas noted that the elixir is “a soda that comes in a variety of flavors.” Knowing stoners, a Fanta-like orange soda has to be on that menu, but at this point the flavor doesn’t seem to matter. Dixie Elixirs and Edibles is doing so well that it is constructing a new, 30,000-square-foot facility to help meet demand. Stories like this are the reason many economic analysts are forecasting as much as  $2.3 billion in legal U.S. sales of marijuana this year……..

- Metallica fans clamoring for a new album have a powerful ally on their side. Guitarist Kirk Hammett conceded that the band have "run out of excuses" to delay starting work on a new album and plan to hit the studio within a few weeks. The new project will be the first Metallica studio album since 2008’s “Death Magnetic,” although the iconic metal band did collaborate with the late Lou Reed on 2011’s “Lulu.” Since their last release, Metallica have toured and played festivals extensively, which isn't a huge issue for a band with a deep catalog and plenty of old material to pull from. "When we start, that's going to be our main priority, and we're pretty excited about it because we've been saying we need to start working on this album, but we've been procrastinating greatly with it,” Hammett said. "We've pretty much come up with every sort of excuse we can not to start work on the album, but we've run out of excuses, so we pretty much have to start work on it now.” Hammett noted that unlike some bands that don’t record a new album because they simply don’t have the creative juice to come up with enough new material, Metallica has plenty of ideas and perhaps they even have too many. “Metallica's problem is the total opposite. We have too many ideas. James (Hetfield) has, like, 800 ideas. I have 400. Those number alone are just crazy. That’s formidable,” Hammett added. The studio sessions will have to wait for a bit, at least until the band performs at the Grammy Awards next Sunday with Chiense classical pianist Lang Lang. Maybe Lang can land a spot on the new album because as everyone knows, nothing punches up a solid metal album quite like a bitchin’ piano riff that really shreds………

- The Massachusetts Institute of Technology isn't all about robots and technological innovation. The wicked smaht dorks who populate MIT have expertise in other areas as well and some of the school’s researchers have discovered a drug that may help treat people suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). A team of MIT neuroscientists examined the effects of a drug known as an HDAC2 inhibitor, which helped lab rats. Sure, the rats may not have carried automatic weapons into battle, see their comrades killed in violent fashion or had to kill anyone, but trauma is still trauma. “By inhibiting HDAC2 activity, we can drive dramatic structural changes in the brain,” said Li-Huei Tsai, the director of MIT's Picower Institute for Learning and Memory, and the study’s lead author. “What happens is the brain becomes more plastic, more capable of forming very strong new memories that will override the old fearful memories.” Tsai and her colleagues believe this drug could someday help treat people with PTSD – particularly those for whom psychotherapy is not effective. However, the drug’s effects seem to lessen the older the memory in question. “If you do something within this window of time, then you have the possibility of modifying the memory or forming a new trace of memory that actually instructs the animal that this is not such a dangerous place," Tsai said. "However, the older the memory is, the harder it is to really change that memory.” More testing is needed, but if the drug could help soldiers who have suffered through some of the most horrible things known to man, then all the power to it………

- Never doubt the power of poor people reaching for the dollars they lack by growing illicit crops, no matter the circumstances. Impoverished farmers in Afghanistan could look at the decade-long residency of American troops as a reason to curtail their growing of opium, but instead of backing down these brave souls are standing up for their right to crank out the source for narcotics enjoyed by drug addicts around the world. According to John Sopko, the U.S. Special Inspector General for Afghanistan Reconstruction, farmers in Afghanistan are producing more opium than ever. Sopko informed the Senate Drug Caucus that the rise in opium production is expected to continue and believes it poses a serious threat to the stability of the Afghan government. “The expanding cultivation and trafficking of drugs is one of the most significant factors putting the entire U.S. and international donor investment in the reconstruction of Afghanistan at risk,” Sopko said. He pointed to a report from the United Nations Office of Drugs and Crime that showed the cultivation of poppy plants — used to make opium and its derivative drugs such as heroin — is greater today than in 2001. That long-ago date is when the United States invaded Afghanistan. According to Sopko, opium product is at its highest in modern history. In 2012 alone, Afghanistan produced 3,700 tons of opium and that number rose to 5,500 tons in 2013 – a 50-percent uptick. Additionally, the amount of land used to cultivate opium poppies reached a record high of 516,000 acres. Sopko suggested that the increase in opium production and poppy cultivation are signs that the Afghan National Security Forces may be encouraging production, offsetting the $7 billion the U.S. has spent to combat production. Oh, and the additional $3 billion the U.S. has spent to curtail opium growth by encouraging farmers to grow other crops doesn’t seem to be helping much either. Just imagine what these numbers will look like when U.S. forces finally make their long-awaited exit from Afghanistan later this year……….

Israeli reality karaoke drama, Facebook rip-offs and UFC PED problems

- The Man is feeling mighty powerful in one Kansas town. Yes, the overreaching powers that be in the upscale area of Overland Park are using their bureaucratic muscle to squeeze a group that is artistic, creative and looking for a good frame job. Yes, it’s John Q. Law vs. photographers and the city is looking to levy a hefty permit fee for those looking to snap professional pictures in its public parks. The permit is valid for a measly five days and this is clearly a way for the city to wrangle extra money for its budget out of a space the public is supposed to be able to use for free. Snapping a selfie with your smartphone or taking a nature photo with your professional-quality camera so you can share it with your bird watching buddies will still be free, but taking engagement, high school senior pictures, family pictures, baby photos and the like will necessitate a permit. Many local photographers use the city’s 83 city parks, the arboretum and Deanna Rose Children's Farmstead for their shoots and while the chilly weather of winter means there aren't many outdoor shoots at the moment, spring is not far off and that’s when the pinch will be felt. Overland Park Parks and Recreation Director Greg Ruether ass-hattedly defended the decision by the city council to implement the new law, saying the council made the change after reviewing a city ordinance that technically bans commercial filming in parks. While the ordinance specifically pertains to photos taken of subjects, either people or animals, the idea that one consenting adult cannot take a photo of another consenting person who happens to be paying them without purchasing a permit is asinine and then some. Obviously, photographers will either stop using the park, up their fees and pass the cost on to their customers or worse still, stage renegade photo shoots at random times with distractions elsewhere in the park to district park officials. Yet Ruether stupidly insists this decision has nothing to do with making money. "This is not to make a profit. This is intended to have a mechanism to allow certain activities including photography in our parks. Once we get that request, we will discuss what the activity will be and can be aware what’s going on out there," Ruether said. Nice try, tool……..

- Relationships keep on breaking around Sonic Youth frontman Thurston Moore. First, his 27-year marriage to bandmate Kim Gordon came to a sad end in 2011 and now, Moore’s new black metal band Twilight has achieved the dubious honor of announcing their first album together and their breakup on the same day. Moore joined the band in 2012 and “III: Beneath Trident’s Tomb” is due out March 17. The announcement of the album’s release date coincided nicely with its revelation that its members have decided to split up  immediately. Twilight does – or did – consist of Stavros Giannopoulos (Atlas Moth), Wrest (Leviathan), N Imperial (Krieg) and producer Sanford Parker. Aisde from their creepy, subtly evil fake names, the average metal fan doesn’t exactly have a lot of familiarity with the band, as evidence but the lackluster response to its previous two albums, a self-titled release and “Monument to Time End,” neither of which featured the Sonic Youth and Chelsea Light Moving frontman. The good news for Moore is that he clearly has plenty of other projects and while he might be well behind Jack White and Dave Grohl in the race for the busiest man in rock and roll, he won't be sitting around with nothing to do. He is also scheduled to appear in May at Liverpool Sound City 2014 as a keynote speaker and in between now and then, maybe he can find another relationship in his life to detonate. Just kidding, Thursty. Bands break up all the time over issues big and small and Twilight is just one of many bands of varying levels of fame and success that called it quits this week. Of course, none of those bands used the occasion of releasing their third album and first with a new member to let the world know that they could no longer co-exist and were going their separate ways, but still……..

- Former UFC welterweight champion Georges St-Pierre may have left the octagon, but that doesn’t mean he’s stopped throwing punches. Speaking in his native French, the Quebec native explained that the reason he vacated his title and stepped away from the sport that made him rich and famous is the promotion's stance on drug testing. St-Pierre questioned what he perceived to be a lack of support from the UFC in his quest involve the Voluntary Anti-Doping Association in the drug testing of a title fight against Johny Hendricks at UFC 167 in Las Vegas in November. “It bothered me greatly," St-Pierre said. "It was one of the reasons I decided to step aside. I tried to change things and unfortunately -- maybe for money reasons, maybe for image -- they were not ready to do that. I tried in a very diplomatic way and it didn't work.” The fight took place on Nov. 16 and before it went down, St-Pierre confirmed his participation in a voluntary program under VADA and invited his opponent to do the same. Hendricks refused, saying he didn't trust the relationship between St-Pierre and VADA. He instead underwent drug testing performed by the Nevada State Athletic Commission. Both fighters passed all tests they took and neither has ever has tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs, but the incident was a breaking point for St-Pierre. UFC CEO and co-owner Lorenzo Fertitta said he was shocked by the remarks and UFC president Dana White denounced them as “insane.” "We've actually advocated for harsher penalties for PEDs,” Fertitta said. . "Maybe Georges didn't understand the level of drug testing Nevada was doing.” There could be more to the issue, as St-Pierre also referred to the UFC as a "monopoly” and claimed it might prevent other fighters from speaking publicly about the PED problem in MMA. Not exactly the words one expects to hear from one of the most accomplished champions in UFC history……..

- Very clever, Facebook. And by very clever, take that to mean once again ripping off one of its biggest rivals. Stealing a trick from Twitter, Facebook is launching a new Trending feature that will show users the most popular topics being discussed on the social network. The feature is already rolling out and it will provide users with a series of topics that are spiking in popularity on Facebook. It will reside in the top right of users' news feeds and its presence represents Facebook’s burning desire to be the place the world goes when something interesting happens and they want to read ill-informed opinions and rants about it. Natural disasters, lame awards shows and the like are always more meaningful when they can be shared digitally with quasi-friends and random people you know from all walks of life, so this all makes perfect sense. Twitter has long trumped Facebook when it comes to immediacy, whereas Facebook excels for long-winded moping and whining that don’t fit into 140 characters. Getting in on that action means more traffic and therefore, more advertising dollars. It is the latest attempt to copy what people like about Twitter and bring it to Facebook, coming on the heels of Facebook incorporating hashtags last year. "Facebook is a space where people from all over the world gather every day to share their thoughts and participate in real-time conversations, from the highlights of the Golden Globes to the passing of Nelson Mandela," wrote Chris Struhar, an engineering manager at Facebook, in a blog post. "Today we're announcing Trending, a new product that's designed to surface interesting and relevant conversations in order to help you discover the best content from all across Facebook." Struhar added that each topic will be accompanied by a headline that briefly explains why it is trending and users can click on that headline to see posts from their friends who happen to be talking about that topic. The feature will eventually expand to Facebook users on mobile devices…….

- Discrimination is everywhere in the world. It’s even in Israeli rip-offs of crappy American/British reality karaoke TV shows, as Rose Fostanes now knows. Miss Fostanes is a Filipino migrant worker who won Israel’s version of the "X Factor (Karaoke)" even though she didn’t sing a single word in Hebrew during the contest. She hacked up tunes such as Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” and Lady Gaga’s “You and I,” out-hacking her fellow aspiring karaoke-ers to snag the valuable recording contract that goes to the winner. As with so many of the attention whores who seek fame and musical fortune via reality TV, Fostanes has a heart-tugging life story that includes moving to Israel six years ago with nothing and earning a living cleaning and caring for an ailing older woman. She works to cobble together money for her family back home and lives in a crowded apartment with seven other people in Tel Aviv (possibly while eating ramen noodles for every meal every day) to save cash. She is also a legal midget (in some countries), standing 4 feet 11 inches tall. As she progressed through the rounds of hack-dom in the contest, she became a favorite thousands of foreign workers, including the 20,000 Filipinos in Israel. Like so many immigrants, many of them hold low-paying jobs. Fostanes noted that she hoped her popularity on the show would shine a spotlight on these people and it has….in a backwards way. See, her special caregiver visa bars her from earning money in any other line of work, including singing. Israel's Population, Immigration and Border Authority (PIBA) has rules that prevent her from earning money as a singer in the country. She can perform for free, but no one can give her a dime. Israeli law states that, "A foreign worker cannot work in any job that is not permitted on their work visa, not even on weekends or in their free time." Doing so constitutes a violation of their visa………

Lame baseball mascots, birds' magical flying V and gunshots to celebrate freedom

- There is no better or more appropriate way to celebrate a momentous occasion in the history of your troubled nation than going into your desk drawer, bringing out your favorite firearm and squeezing off a few rounds into the air. Such was life in the streets of Bangui, the capital of the embattled Central African Republic, after the president of the war-torn nation stepped down amid international efforts to stem a growing humanitarian crisis. President Michel Djotodia announced his resignation at a regional summit in neighboring Chad and it took his constituents all of five seconds to collect their ammo and rush outside for a shoot-e-nanny. Djotodia’s resignation came after international pressure to end violence that has displaced hundreds of thousands in a country rife with resources but mired in poverty. His reign was a short one after being swept to power late last year when a loose largely Muslim grouping known as Seleka took control of the capital. That was followed by several months of blatant abuses of power that prompted Christian communities to create defense militiamen. The result was hundreds of deaths in a bloody civil war that threatened to plunge the country into further chaos. Of course, the only proper way to commemorate the end of such a time of tyranny is to recklessly send bullets flying into the sky and hope they don’t hit anyone when they come down, mimicking the celebrations many American sports fans engage in when their favorite team wins a championship. For now, Central African Republic will remain a nation without a president as talks to select new leadership are planned to take place in the capital, Bangui, at a future date………

- CBS likes to brag about having the best or most-watched shows in certain categories or genres of television, but its offerings must not be superior enough or else the network wouldn’t be creating a new division to develop miniseries and live "event" programming. Citing changing tastes in television, CBS's entertainment chief announced Wednesday that the network is attempting to duplicate the success of its miniseries "Under the Dome" last summer with the help of a new executive, Stacy Mandelberg of Von Zerneck/Sertner Films. Mandelberg will oversee the effort, according to network entertainment president Nina Tassler. “Dome,” a miniseries based on a novel by Stephen King, returns for its second season June 30. A second short series, “Extant,” will be produced by Steven Spielberg and star Halle Berry as an astronaut returning to Earth pregnant with an alien baby. CBS has also inked producer Mark Burnett and his wife, Roma Downey, to adapt the historical novel "The Dovekeepers" to television following their success with the History channel series "The Bible." "It gives you the opportunity to get more original projects on the air," Tassler said. CBS is actually behind the curve on this one, as Fox launched a similar department last year and that department cranked out the “24” movie that will air this summer. NBC’s live remake of “The Sound of music” was the Peacock’s first real foray into the area, leaving CBS with ground to make up. The ever-increasing number of viewers watching online or recording their favorite shows to watch later has placed a premium on programming that can draw a live audience — awards shows, sporting events and the like. On the opposite side of the ledger, show creators are attracted to projects that are shorter and less demanding than broadcast television’s typical  22-episode season. Such projects also give networks fodder for the summer months, when they once ran an endless cycle of reruns from their most popular shows. Enlisting the likes of Spielberg, King and Burnett helps as well……..

- Stay classy, Arizona state Sen. Don Shooter. Shooter is a straight shooter who isn't even bothering to pretend that he holds elected office out of some noble sense of obligation to fight for the people he represents in his home district. No, this forthright legislator is bold enough to blackmail his own state and tell the world all about it. Shooter admitted this week that he will continue to take free tickets to sporting events, shows and concerts from lobbyists unless and until he gets a raise. “$24,000 a year,” Shooter said referring to his legislative salary, “Give us a raise, we’ll buy our own tickets.” It’s a brilliant point and one that in no way should offend residents in Shooter’s district who make that amount of money or less and must cobble together extra money to attend a game or two every year for their favorite sports team. Shooter’s remarks come a scant four years after the Fiesta Bowl scandal left a black mark on the state legislature, but he is adamant that freebies like football tickets help supplement his pay. “It costs a lot of money to do this job, there’s an opportunity cost,” Shooter added. His district is based in Yuma and without a doubt, residents of htat fine city are beaming with pride today over their local lawmaker. The comments came just days after several lawmakers introduced legislation this week seeking to ban legislators from taking sports and entertainment tickets from lobbyists. Sen. Michele Reagan, a Scottsdale Republican, is the main sponsor of the bill and thus should probably be on the lookout for Shooter waiting outside her office door with a sock full of pennies in the days ahead. “People like going to these events and I like going to these events,” Reagan said. “Nothing says you can’t go. You can go to an event, just pay for your ticket. That’s what the public has to do.” Sorry, Sen. Buzzkill, but logic and reason have no place in this debate. It could not matter less in this case….and not just because back in 2010, she was one more than 30 lawmakers caught up in the Fiesta Bowl scandal where lobbyists for the bowl game lavished free meals, sporting tickets, and trips to football games across the country on lawmakers. She and her fellow gravy trainers were eventually cleared of any wrongdoing and Shooter is damn well not giving up his seat on that gravy train without a fight………

- Why do birds suddenly appear….and form into a flying V every time they take to the skies? According to researcher James Usherwood of Britain's Royal Veterinary College, there is a solid reason. The first extreme close-up of birds flying in a V formation is at the heart of Usherwood’s work and he and his team were able birds position themselves and time their wing beats so perfectly that, according to aerodynamic theory, they minimize their energy use. Completing this task requires each bird to monitor subtle changes in its flight mates' flight and alter its own path and stroke accordingly. It is well-known that aircraft can save fuel by flying in a V, thus giving rise to the idea that birds could conserve energy by doing the same. However, measuring this theory in the field is difficult. "It's not something you can do with a pair of binoculars and timing it, ‘One Mississippi, two Mississippi,'" Usherwood explained. The invention of über-precise, lightweight GPS instruments and sensors made such research possible and Usherwood selected northern bald ibises, a highly endangered species raised in captivity in Austria for reintroduction to the wild, for the study. The ibises were chosen because every year, a flock of them takes to the air escorted by a skeletal aircraft known as a paraplane, which carries the birds' human foster parent and a world-class pilot. The birds took to the idea swimmingly, as they are accustomed to wearing harnesses. That allowed Usherwood and his team to hang sensors on them. At the end of each flight, the research team met with the humans who took part in the flight. They learned that the 14 young ibises flying in a V each placed themselves an average of four feet behind the bird in front of it and at an average angle of 45 degrees. That is precisely the configuration needed for individual birds to catch the rising air generated by the flapping of the bird in front of it. The resulting upwash allows birds to stay aloft more efficiently. Additionally, the birds time their wing beats so precisely that they continually catch the upwash left behind by the moving wings of the bird ahead of them. Well played, intelligent ibises, well played………..

- The Chicago Cubs were either kidding themselves or they’re currently using mock outrage to cover the fact that they just attempted one of the lamest ideas in their tortured history. Regardless, the public outrage that followed after the team launched its ridiculous and lame-tastic new mascot – the first in team history – was warranted and predictable. The immediate and visceral reaction to the pants-less "Clark" -- a Cub bear – made sense because one of the most storied franchises in Major League Baseball history doesn’t need a no-pants-wearing cartoon bear to liven up its games. Wrigley Field is known for drunken bleacher bums, fans jaded by decades of losing and little else. Injecting the amateurish Clark mascot into the mix was bound to yield mockery and scorn and that’s precisely what transpired. In the aftermath of Twitter and Facebook backlash, the Cubs immediately began whining about what fans were saying. "I'm disappointed at some of the unfortunate images that went from negative to despicable," vice president of communications and community affairs Julian Green said "There are some folks that had strong reactions to the mascot but at the same time there are folks that see what we're trying to do. It's strictly for kids and family entertainment." Green also denounced Twitter as “a boisterous platform” and suggested the team wouldn’t pay much attention to what people said on the microblogging site. "Some of the strong reactions were predictable," Green said. "We've been around for 100 years and we plan on being around another 100 years.” That’s fine, J., but Clark shouldn’t be around for even another 100 hours. He looks ridiculous, people hate him already and the only demographic that will enjoy him is the small segment of children old enough to not be terrified by a large, furry bear suit and those young enough not to realize how lame Clark is. Odds are that kids ages 9-12 aren’t going to generate the necessary revenue to make this sad experiment anything other than a complete dumpster fire……..

The Pro Bowl still sucks, movie theater murder and Saudi danger for Deutschland

- “Chuck” fans, one of your favorite characters from your quirky, loveable spy drama you supported fanatically for so long is taking a step up to the big leagues of television espionage. Yvonne Strahovski, who played spy and female lead Sarah Walker on NBC’s late spy drama/comedy, has joined the cast of Fox's “24: Live Another Day.” Strahovski is also a “Dexter” alumnus and she will now join forces with another unpredictable protagonist in Jack Bauer for the one-time revival of the serial spy thriller than ran for nine seasons on Fox and wrapped its run in 2010. Strahovski will play Kate Morgan, a brilliant but impulsive CIA field operative in London, where Jack Bauer will be saving the world from the latest threat to cast it headlong into the abyss of anarchy. Series regulars Kim Raver, William Devane and Mary Lynn Rajskub will all reprise their roles alongside star Kiefer Sutherland. Details about the plot have been scarce so far, but “Live Another Day” is set to debut this summer on Fox. Along with Strahovski, the show also recently cast Oscar nominee Judy Davis as a British national who is the widow of a notorious terrorist. The mix for the revival is an interesting collection of new faces and familiar ones and given the rabid following “24” crafted during its long (and often criticized) run on the air, there will be plenty of intrigue around the project. For a time, it was billed as a possible feature film, but somewhere along the line that thinking shifted from big-budget blockbuster to television special event. Either way, having Jack Bauer back in our lives is never a bad thing………

- Muscle car lovers, today is a good day for you. On the very same day the Chevrolet Corvette Stingray was named North American Car of the Year at the Detroit auto show, GM appealed to the wealthier segment of its sports car market with a souped-up version of their new whip that boasts 170 more horsepower. The Corvette Z06 kicks things up a notch with a 6.2-liter supercharged V8 producing at least 625 horsepower. Having 625 horsepower might seem excessive for someone whose primary use for the car is to cruise around with the top down and rev the engine in an attempt to make other drivers feel inferior by comparison, but it truly is tough to put a price on stroking your own bloated self-importance. GM knows the Z06 won't move that many models out the door, but merely producing it will generate buzz. The last-generation Z06 went out of production after the 2013 model year and it had a relatively paltry  505-horsepower engine and a base price of $75,600. To get their hands on the new version, car lovers will have to pony up more than $100,000. The final price point won't be announced until production begins in early 2015, but GM is banking on the willingness of rich people to pay a sh*t ton of money to have something that sets them apart from everyone else regardless of how much it charges for the car. In addition to its rampant horsepower, the Z06 will also have 635 foot-pounds of torque to create as much acceleration as possible. As it should be when someone is paying six figures for a car, the Z06 will be offered with a choice of either a seven-speed manual transmission or a new high-performance 8-speed automatic transmission. The automatic version will have shift paddles mounted on the steering wheel, giving the driver the opportunity to select gears manually. To accommodate its larger wheels, the Z06 will have a larger fender than the base Corvette Stingray and larger air vents to more cooling air for the engine, brakes and transmission. Gentlemen, start your financing efforts now………

- Pimpin’ ain’t easy…and neither is being a German in Saudi Arabia at the moment. Two German diplomats proved why their foreign ministry warns of "the possibility of terror attacks” in its official travel advice for Saudi Arabia when they managed to survive a shooting attack that set their car on fire in Saudi Arabia during what is officially being called an “overland journey” in the eastern part of the country. It is an area that has seen intense hostilities between Shiite Muslims and Saudi authorities and whoever fired those first shots on the German diplomats likely didn’t bother to ask if they had any actual stake in the conflict before pulling the trigger. “The vehicle of the diplomats was fired at and started to burn, but nobody was injured in the incident,” a spokeswoman for the Germany’s foreign ministry said. The Saudi government declined comment on the matter, but it is reportedly being investigated as a criminal matter rather than a terrorist act. The shooting took place on the outskirts of the city of Awamiya and according to a police spokesman, a civilian intervened to help the diplomats avoid further danger. German Ambassador Dieter Haller expressed confidence in Saudi authorities’ ability to get to the bottom of the case, but finding a shooter in a region that has seen some of the country’s worst violence in recent years won't be that easy. Shiites are upset because they accuse Saudi authorities of persistent discrimination against them, while the Sunni Muslim-dominated government denies any such wrongdoing. For now, all residents of Deutschland might want to scratch the kingdom off their list of potential travel destinations for the next few months or years………

- If it’s been said one, it’s been said a million times: If you’re going to murder someone in a movie theater, make sure you have a damn good reason for doing so. Curtis Reeves, a retired police officer, knows this truism well and it’s why he used ironclad logic to shoot and fatally wound a 43-year-old father during the previews for a movie in Wesley Chapel, Fla. Yes, the previews. These two men became so angry at one another that they couldn’t even make it past the dancing popcorn cartoon or the movie’s first scene. According to witnesses, the 71-year-old retired police officer went from zero to rage in a hurry when fellow movie goer Chad Oulson was texting before the movie and refused to stop. Reeves reportedly objected to Oulson’s texting and their confrontation escalated to a series of arguments that led to Reeves walking out of the theater in search of a pimply faced 18-year-old usher to come in and force Oulson to put his phone away. Reeves either could not find an usher or couldn’t convince one to return to the theater with him because he came back alone – unless you count his unbridled and murderous rage as a companion. Oulson then made the mistake of turning to Reeves to ask him if he had gone to tell on him for his texting. He explained that he was simply sending a message to his young daughter, but Reeves was having none of it. The two men began shouting at one another, popcorn was thrown…..and a gunshot was fired. The question of who brings a gun to a movie seems to obvious, but it’s worth asking. Reeves, a former director of security at Busch Gardens, clearly loves his sidearm a little too much if he’s bringing it with him to watch “The Wolf of Wall Street” or “Ride Along.” Maybe he didn’t realize that Ice Cube and Kevin Hart didn’t need his help in shooting things up on screen. Either way, he responded to thrown snacks be spraying bullets, fatally striking Oulson and wounding Oulson’s wife, Nicole. Oulson staggered toward nearby patrons and fell on them as Reeves calmly sat down at placed the gun in his lap. An off-duty deputy sheriff from Sumter County was among the 25 people theater at the Grove 16 complex and he responded to the shooting. Two nurses were also in the theater and tended to Oulson until paramedics arrived. Reeves was arrested on a charge of second-degree homicide and given his age and the circumstances of his case, he’s hoping this idiot spends the rest of his life in a prison cell……….

- The Pro Bowl is still going to be a colossal waste of time, but at least there is some comedic relief leading up to the single biggest joke on the NFL’s annual schedule – outside of its joke of a preseason, of course. In a futile attempt to make fans give a damn about an exhibition game in Hawaii where players eat hot dogs on the sideline and have to be threatened by the NFL just to play faster than half-speed, the league has changed the AFC-NFC format for the contest. Instead, players were selected by balloting amongst their peers and fans and Pro Football Hall of Famers Deion Sanders and Jerry Rice will divvy up the Pro Bowl players into two rosters during a two-day draft before the Jan. 26 game in Honolulu. The two will serve as de facto general managers for their respective teams and if Sanders is to be taken seriously, they could have a larger role in the game. Sanders tweeted, “Ladies and Gentlemen I am officially announcing "I WILL SUIT UP IN HAWAII" Please let @JerryRice know that a real captain leads by example!” His playful barb drew an equally yuk-tastic response from Rice, who replied, “Deion I would beat you down like the old days! We can suit up but it would be very painful for you!” Look at these two old-timers, zinging one another on social media and opining about a chance to relive their glory days in a game where their reduced speed and athleticism might actually be on even footing with current players half-assing their way through the game trying not to get hurt while picking up their hefty bonus checks. Seeing a couple of Hall of Famers trying to man up on one another might actually be more compelling than watching the second-choice selections for the game who step in to replace the stars who were picked by didn’t want to play, so let’s get @DeionSanders and @JerryRice uniforms and let these two legends dual in a game that could not possibly matter less……..