Russian oppression, transgender rockers and Linsanity at 85 percent

- Bob Jones University is not a place for relaxation, tolerance or anything not several shades past the far-right theology espoused by the conserva-Nazi ass hats at Fox News. But the degree to which the school persecuted former student Chris Peterman are disturbing even by BJU standards. Peterman expected to graduate on May 4 with a degree in political science, but found himself expelled nine days prior to commencement. According to school officials, he was suspended for multiple violations of the school's code of conduct. Those violations centered around social media and an unnerving enjoyment of a glee club-themed TV drama. Peterman sees it differently. He believes he was the victim of intimidation and coercion by BJU staff and administrators. That can’t be right, can it? Speaking out against Chuck Phelps, a former BJU Board of Trustees member accused of covering up a sex-abuse scandal at the church where he served as pastor, wouldn’t lead a school to act in decidedly un-Christian-like fashion and expel him….right? Yes, the uptight squares at BJU force students to sign a covenant every year dictating permissible on- and off-campus behaviors that forbids fun in any form, including drugs, alcohol, premarital sex, non-hymnal music and demonstrations for causes opposed by BJU. Phelps’ actions in allegedly covering up sexual abuse by an older male parishioner against his step-daughter would seem to go against those beliefs, which is why Peterman launched a Facebook campaign to demand his resignation. His efforts led to a meeting with BJU's Dean of Men, Jon Daulton. Following the meetings, Peterman attempted to fall in line by creating the "Do Right BJU" Facebook page to “provide a support and outreach network for victims of sexual abuse in the BJU community." Daulton ordered the page shut down but Peterman claimed First Amendment protection and the school backed off…..or so he thought. After returning from Christmas break, he was strong-armed into counseling with Daulton. The counseling must have failed because during the school's Spring Break Bible conference (yes, these losers actually have a conference for spring break instead of actual fun) he Tweeted about the length of a service before it began: "This thing is 2hrs long!? What could they possibly talk about for that long!" His final “crime” occurred when another student narced him out for having coffee at an off-campus Starbucks and watching “Glee.” He admitted to the horrific misdeed and so began a death spiral of discipline that led to him being ushered off campus and informed that he would be arrested if he attempted to return. Peterman has appealed his case to school’s provost and hopes to return to finish his degree, but one has to wonder why he would want a diploma from such an intolerant place……….

- Houston's Memorial Hermann hospital is giving the concept of free and open communication about medical issues a new twist. Just a few weeks after making history with the world's first live-tweeted open heart surgery, the hospital provided live social media coverage from the hospital's in-house team of a brain operation performed by one of the world's foremost neurosurgeons. The proceedings kicked off at 8:30 a.m. EST via the hospital's Twitter page, @houstonhospital, which relayed the operation's preparation, play-by-play and wrap up for four hours using the hashtag #MHbrain. Those who didn’t want to wake up early but who do enjoy watching one human being carve up another human being’s head needed to tune in by 10 a.m. to see the first incision in a procedure known as a brain tumor resection, which is designed to remove a tumor to prevent seizures. Dr. Dong Kim, a neurosurgeon who helped lead the team that treated former congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords after she was shot in the head in 2011, performed the procedure. Kim and his team cut a two-inch by two-inch window in the skull of the patient and her brain was exposed for just under two hours, giving Kim access to find and remove the tumor, located between two and three centimeters beneath the brain's surface. "What will come out of this is a detailed, real-time sequence of what happens in a brain surgery through all the stages from preparation, to shaving the hair, to making the incision, to draping," Kim said prior to the procedure. He views the social media connection as a way to give future patients a preview of what to expect. "People are very anxious and want to know what goes on in a brain surgery like this,” he explained. The social media team workied in an adjacent viewing area with a tumor specialist present to help answer questions from the digital audience via Twitter. Along with tweeting to the masses, the social media team also posted video clips from inside the operating room to YouTube, photos to Pinterest and written recaps of each hour of the broadcast to Storify. According to Natalie Camarata, Memorial Hermann's digital marketing manager, the idea came about following the tweeted-out open-heart surgery. "We had a lot of success with the open-heart surgery and saw there was a lot of interest in seeing what goes into something that's an everyday thing for some people," Camarata said. That sounds fascinating, but unnecessary for those who don’t want to see the inside of an operating room or a human body……….

- Some professional athletes would fight their own coaches, teammates, trainers and if necessary, family members, to return to action following an injury. Trying to tell a proud, defiant athlete he or she cannot compete because an injured body part is not fully healed is a reason to go for most, but clearly not for New York Knicks point guard Jeremy Lin. The man who sparked Linsanity just three months ago (it seems longer, for sure) suffered a serious knee injury that kept him out the last month of the season, but the team kept hope alive that he might make it back during the playoffs. There were rumors that he might try to play in Game 4 of the Knicks’ first-round series against Miami on Sunday, but Lin was not active for the game. He said Wednesday that the knee never felt more than 85 percent strong and that he was unwilling to play under those conditions. "When I worked out, I was probably going 80-85 percent and I just figured in a week I might be 100 percent," Lin said after Knicks shootaround on Wednesday. “I think to get from 85 percent to 100 percent takes more time than I would have thought.” Even Knicks interim coach Mike Woodson isn't sure of Lin’s status for the remainder of the series. Woodson said on Tuesday that Lin would be out for the series, then double-clutched and said he doubts Lin could play if the series reached a seventh game. " He wants to play, but again, if he's not ready there's not a whole lot can be done," Woodson said. "He's just not physically ready to play.” In all fairness to Lin, his presence won't make a damn bit of difference. The Knicks trail the series 3-1, the Heat are clearly the better team and two of the final three games – if necessary – will be in Miami. While the Knicks are extremely thin at point guard going into Game 5 thanks to season-ending injuries to both Iman Shumpert and Baron Davis during the series, Lin’s return would not prevent the Heat from closing the Knicks out in Game 5 or 6. The long-term prognosis for Lin is still good, which is positive news for the restricted free agent. There is the possibility that he has played his last game in a Knicks uniform………..

- Life is about to change in a drastic way for the members of Florida power trio Against Me! Always socially and politically conscious, the band has plenty of questions facing it courtesy of lead singer Tom Gabel, who revealed in a Rolling Stone interview that he is transgender and plans to undergo sexual reassignment surgery. Gabel, who founded Against Me! in 1997, has led his band to a considerable amount of success in the past 15 years and they have become one of the most successful of a new wave of punk rock bands. There is no reason to suspect that Gabel’s sex change will affect the band’s creative vision, but there is also no question that his world (and world view) are about to shift seismically and that will clearly affect the band. Gabel, who is married, plans to begin the process of becoming a woman soon by taking hormones and receiving electrolysis treatments and taking the name Laura Jane Grace. He follows in the footsteps of artists like Throbbing Gristle's Genesis P-Orridge, who underwent a series of surgeries in the mid-'00s to become gender-neutral. Fans of the band have had varying reactions in absorbing the news, with many pointing to a lyric in the band's song "The Ocean" in which Gabel sings about his gender issues: “And if I could have chosen, I would have been born a woman/My mother once told me she would have named me/Laura
I'd grow up to be strong and beautiful like her/One day, I'd find an honest man to make my husband.” Gabel knows he has difficult days ahead and some of them will lie in figuring out what his new identity means for his marriage to his wife Heather, who has been supportive of the decision. "I'm going to have embarrassing moments," Gabel acknowledged. “And that won't be fun. But that's part of what talking to you is about -– is hoping people will understand, and hoping they'll be fairly kind." Odds are that most will be kind or at least polite and a few will crack jokes and make light of a serious matter, the same way the world generally handles news like this……….

- Shocking news by way of Russia, where two prominent opposition leaders were sentenced Wednesday to 15 days in jail and several dozen opposition activists who tried to stage a "people's stroll" through Moscow were detained. The events are the latest stunning turn in a nation where the newly “elected” leader rigs elections, tramples basic rights and freedoms and pretends his country is anything other than a Communist dictatorship. The thwarted demonstration is directly linked to the sentencing of Sergei Udaltsov and Alexei Navalny, as opposition activists attempted for several days to hold unauthorized protests against Vladimir Putin, who was inaugurated for a third term as Russian president on Monday. So-called justice was swift for Udaltsov and Navalny, who were detained Sunday when participants in an authorized protest march attempted to break from their planned route and bum rush the Kremlin. Both men were released after a few hours, then detained again Tuesday in another unauthorized demonstration. The vicious circle of detention and release continued when Navalny was released early Wednesday, then detained again a few hours later at another opposition gathering. Both men clearly were looking to make a point with their repeated dissidence and were sentenced for failing to obey police orders. Around the time they were sentenced, state news agency RIA Novosti cited an nidentified law enforcement official as saying dozens of people were detained on Wednesday afternoon on Manezh Square adjacent to the Kremlin. Opposition protestors sporting trademark white ribbons left a rally by the Communist Party marking the Victory Day holiday and attempted to launch the so-called "people's stroll." Protests have been the norm in Moscow since December's fraud-marred parliamentary elections and seem unlikely to abate any time soon, oppression by The Man or not………

Dinosaur farts, angry Samuel L. Jackson and pirate prisons

- Arrrrrggghhhh! A very pirate-y idea be takin’ shape in Somalia, mateys. The modern haven for pirating has to find some place to stash its wealth of high seas scourges and the solution is a new prison specifically for pirates. Going forward, Somali pirates captured on the high seas and prosecuted in other countries will be transferred to a new prison in Somalia. The issue of prosecuting and punishing pirates has become a sore spot as the U.S. and other countries continue to catch pirates and turn them over to countries like Somalia that are willing to prosecute them. Needing a place to put these swashbucklers, Somalia has established a new prison in the self-governed northern part the country and it began accepting its first prisoners a few weeks ago The United Nations Office of Drugs and Crime is paying for the transport and the prison facility, taking much of the burden off the Somali government. The first wave of prisoners came from the tiny island nation of Seychelles, located off the east coast of Africa. They were transferred from an overcrowded detention facility to the new prison in Hargeisa, the capital of the self-governed breakaway enclave of Somaliland. Autonomous since declaring its independence in 1991, the region has remained relatively violence-free and self-sustaining. The Somaliland government will run the facility, offering a boost to Seychelles, Kenya and Mauritius, which have offered to prosecute and hold pirate prisoners. Most governments around the world realize such a facility is one small step in solving a much larger problem and the numbers back that up. According to statistics provided by the U.N., Seychelles has undertaken 31 prosecutions and already convicted 22 suspects while Kenya is trying 69 suspects, having convicted 50. Scores more pirates await trial and slowing piracy’s roll is much more complex than simply finding a place to incarcerate those convicted………….

- Snakes know it. Villains in galaxies far, far away know it. New York Times film critic A.O. Scott either does not know it or simply does not care. Don’t effing mess with Samuel Effing L. Jackson. Scott was tasked with reviewing THE blockbuster film of the year so far, Joss Whedon’s superhero epic “The Avengers.” The film smashed box office records around the world and unlike many blockbusters that succeed largely on the immensity of their hype, promotion and production value, “The Avengers” has been almost universally well-received by critics and fans. Scott, however, was not impressed. The veteran critic arrogantly dissected the moving, writing, "'The Avengers' is hardly worth raging about, its failures are significant and dispiriting ... The light, amusing bits cannot overcome the grinding, hectic emptiness, the bloated cynicism that is less a shortcoming of this particular film than a feature of the genre." Not exactly the most scathing criticism, but definitely not positive. Considering all of the positive run the movie has received, one negative review shouldn’t carry that much weight, even if it is the New York Times. Yet Scott’s review came to Jackson’s attention and the man who played eye patch-wearing Nick Fury, head of spy agency S.H.I.E.L.D., in “The Avengers” had plenty to say about Scott’s words of criticism. "#Avengers fans, NY Times critic AO Scott needs a new job!," Jackson tweeted. "Let's help him find one! One he can actually do!" A few Twitter users came to Scott’s defense, smartly pointing out that a) Scott is entitled to his opinion like any human being, b) he’s a critic who is paid to give an honest review of a movie and c) making a lot of money doesn’t necessarily mean a film is good. Jackson replied, "Actually, sometimes IT DOES!" He didn’t clarify why or when those “sometimes” are, so the world must now try to decipher what Jackson meant. What Jackson also needs to explain is why one of the highest-grossing stars of all-time is so bent out of shape over one negative review…………

- Don’t f*ck with bikers, Rye (N.H.) police chief Kevin Walsh. They’re fit, they have endurance and they are battle-tested by virtue of spending hours each week skirmishing with idiot drivers who like to hassle them by doing über-close drive-bys or simply refusing to cede ground on the edge of the road. Bizarrley enough, Walsh is targeting cyclists instead of drivers in a misguided attempt to improve road safety in his small nook. At Walsh’s behest, town officials set up an electronic message board by the side of the city’s main thoroughfare flashing alerts aimed at bicyclists, including, "Bikes single file," and, "Roads for riding, not chatting!" According to Walsh, the sign is aimed at improving bicycle safety on the town's roads. According to cyclists, it’s an offensive display with a wrong point of view. "It's consistent complaints that have happened over the years, and the Board of Selectmen have asked me to push a little more awareness this year and to get the word out in a positive way," Walsh said. Positive is not the right word to describe the reaction from many cyclists, several of whom have complained about the tone and wording of the messages. The matter is now in the hands of the town’s board of selectmen, who are considering an ordinance that would make single-file riding the law for local bikers and pedestrians. "If you want to have a conversation, stop and go to the side of the road and have the conversation," Walsh said. "The road is for driving a car, riding a bike, walking or running, and that's what you should be concentrating on." Umm, not really. Walsh clearly does not participate regularly in any sort of fitness or exercise activity because if he did, he would know that any such activity becomes infinitely better with a friend to talk to and share the experience with. State law in New Hampshire allows cyclists to ride two abreast as long as they don't impede the flow of traffic and Rye officials need to respect that law. That the new measure would also apply to anyone walking, jogging or running on the road reeks of small-town idiocy and even in tiny Rye (Pop. 5,628), enforcing such an asinine law on runners and bikers is going to be impossible………

- Team USA will look much different than the squad fans watched snare Olympic basketball gold for the U.S. at the 2008 Olympics in Beijing. A rash of injuries during the current NBA season, including back surgery for Orlando Magic center Dwight Howard and a torn ACL in the playoffs for Chicago Bulls guard Derrick Rose, ensured that the American team trying to best Spain for the gold once more will not have all of its key pieces in place. Their absences make Dwyane Wade’s suggestion that he may not play for the Olympic team all the more terrifying for USA Basketball president Jerry Colangelo. Speaking about the possibility of playing in what would be his third Olympics, Wade sounded less than committed to the program. “I told them, I said, listen, I’m just going to see how I feel,” Wade said last week. “This is about being healthy — I think, for all of us, going into the summer healthy — and taking it from there.” Colangelo, already trying to figure out how to replace Howard in the middle, didn’t sound like he expected to hear that sort of non-committal talk from Wade. “You could, today, probably come up with 10 or 11 that look pretty solid unless something happens,” he said. “Wade’s one of those guys, but if he feels like he doesn’t have anything left or doesn’t think he can go, then we’ll make a decision as to who replaces him. We do have a lot of flexibility because we have guys who can play so many positions.” With or without Wade and even minis Howard and Rose, Team USA will be the gold medal favorite with a roster expected to LeBron James, Kobe Bryant, Kevin Durant, Kevin Love, Chris Paul and others. Spain, sporting Marc and Pau Gasol and Oklahoma City forward Serge Ibaka, is the single biggest threat to the Americans’ gold-medal chances. Wade will probably cave to peer pressure and play, but being a part of Team USA doesn’t appear to be as big a draw for him as most would have expected…………

- Dinosaur farts. That brilliant insight is the latest reason science has given for past climate change. According to a study led by researcher Dave Wilkinson of Liverpool John Moores University, dino-flatulence could have put enough methane into the atmosphere to warm the planet during the hot, wet Mesozoic era. As a sort of historical precursor for cows and their modern-day methane emissions, sauropod dinosaurs that roamed the Earth (allegedly) 150 million years ago and just like big cows, their plant digestion was aided by methane-producing microbes. Those microbes, Wilkinson theorized, could have led to massive methane outputs. "A simple mathematical model suggests that the microbes living in sauropod dinosaurs may have produced enough methane to have an important effect on the Mesozoic climate," Wilkinson  said in a statement. "Indeed, our calculations suggest that these dinosaurs could have produced more methane than all modern sources - both natural and man-made - put together." Methane is dangerous because it is a potent greenhouse gas, with as much as 25 times the climate-warming potential as carbon dioxide. Its effects are serious enough in the 21st century that scientists have worked to figure out how much methane is emitted by cows, sheep and other plant-eating animals. Wilkinson and co-author Graeme Ruxton of the University of St. Andrews enlisted the help of methane expert Euan Nisbet at the University of London and worked together to hypothesize about the degree to which gaseous emissions from sauropods could have warmed the atmosphere. To do so, they tried to work from the same formula used to calculate methane emissions from modern animals, which depends on a creature’s total mass. A mid-sized sauropod probably weighed about 44,000 pounds, which equaled out to about 520 million tons per year of methane output. Methane emissions, unlike carbon dioxide emissions, have declined since the Industrial Revolution more than 150 years ago. That decline may not be as large as the one that occurred when the last of these gas-bag dinosaurs died off……….

Axes for parking spaces, baseball beanings and a raging "Dictator"

- This week’s Congressional Ass Hat Award goes to, in an unprecedented landslide…….Rep. Joe Walsh, a Tea Party Republican from Illinois! Walsh believes he has a plan to solves the generations-old conflict between Israel and Palestine and that his plan will succeed where others have failed. This tool lays out his plan in an op-ed piece in the Washington times and it boils down to three points: 1) Make the occupied territories part of Israel; 2) Give Palestinians who live in those territories "limited voting power" in the new, bigger Israel that they'll have suddenly become residents of and 3) Palestinians who don't like having "limited voting power" can move to Jordan. Nothing like channeling the ugly days of apartheid in South Africa or hearkening back to the days of slavery in the United States in which the votes of black people were valued less than those of white people. Walsh isn't bold enough to lay out his entire hare-brained concept, but the ideas seems to be that Jews get one-person-one-vote and Palestinians get something less, so that Israel can remain a Jewish state. Yes, cynics might argue that Israel has existed under a sort of apartheid because it has ruled West Bank Palestinians for 45 years and seems disinclined to end that occupation any time soon. Palestinians are not allowed to vote in Israeli elections even though Jewish settlers in the West Bank do get to vote. Conversely, the opposing side in the debate would argue that the West Bank isn't part of Israel and therefore, any policies there have no bearing on making Israel an apartheid state in any sense. But perhaps the best aspect of Walsh’s idiocy is that his idea is tantamount to ethnic cleansing, without the bloody execution of thousands of the undesirable minority. Giving the land of one ethnic group to someone else, refusing to allow them to vote or have an equal vote to people they live next door to and suggesting that if they don’t like it, they can get out…..that sounds an awful lot like ethnic cleansing. This has to be a truly proud day for the constituents in Walsh’s district, being represented by a man so clearly out of touch with reality and the basic rights of any one group of people………

- Not everyone in Major League Baseball is a big fan of Washington Nationals phenom Bryce Harper. The 19-year-old has been in the majors for less than two weeks, but already he’s stealing home, making diving catches in left field and nearly gunning out baserunners at the plate. He’s also showing up on the National Mall and jumping in on pickup softball games, all while showing the sort of confidence and swagger he’s displayed throughout his meteoric rise to the majors. That act isn't sitting well with Philadelphia Phillies ace Cole Hamels, who drilled Harper with a fastball in the small of the back his first time up during the Phillies' 9-3 win Sunday night. After being hit by the pitch, Harper quickly got retribution by advancing to third and then stealing home when Hamels made a pickoff throw to first. Harper slid in safely ahead of the tag for the first stolen base of his career, giving the Nationals an early run in a game they ultimately lost. Normally pitchers will deny intentionally hitting batters even when it’s blatantly obvious what they were doing. Not Hamels. "I was trying to hit him," Hamels admitted. "I'm not going to deny it. That's something I grew up watching, that's kind of what happened. So I'm just trying to continue the old baseball because I think some people are kind of getting away from it. I remember when I was a rookie the strike zone was really, really small and you didn't say anything because that's the way baseball is." The reaction from the Nationals was either extremely professional or extremely angry, depending on who you ask. Harper handled the potentially dicey situation the right way, sidestepping the controversy and sound like a 10-year veteran. "Hamels threw a great game tonight," he said. Other members of the Nationals organization weren't so diplomatic. Washington starter Jordan Zimmermann hit Hamels in the left leg with one out and a runner on first when the Phillies pitcher squared to bunt and GM Mike Rizzo lit Hamels up by calling him a “fake tough guy” who committed the “most classless, gutless, chicken sh*t act” he had seen in his 38 years in baseball. The best aspect of the entire story is that the two teams are division rivals that will play 18 or 19 teams a season for as many seasons as Hamels and Harper are with their respective teams……………

- Promotional stunts for movies are only as good and creative as the stars who carry them out. Sacha Baron Cohen’s movies haven’t always been funny, but his upcoming comedy “The Dictator” looks hilarious and the promotional campaign for the film has been a show in and of itself. The campaign kicked off in earnest with his über-hilarious stunt at the Oscars, when he battled the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences to be allowed to show up as his character in the movie, Admiral General Shabazz Aladeen, Cohen dumped ashes reportedly from late Korean dictator Kim Jong-il on teeth-bleaching, tip-frosting, overly tanned red carpet troll Ryan Seacrest. That stunt was just a warm-up act for his appearance on Monday’s edition of the “Today” show on NBC, when Gen. Aladeen was interviewed by Matt Lauer. The general showed up in style to the show’s Rockefeller Center studio, stepping out of a stretch limo with a handful hot women as his guards, sporting berets and short skirts and toting machine guns. He greeted and kissed fans in the plaza, staged a bloodless coup in the control room and was more than ready to go when he finally sat down with Lauer. When asked about his country, Wadiya, he replied, "It is 1300 miles from Tel Aviv as the SCUD flies. It has a population of 4 million, but obviously that figure changes depending on my mood." Gen. Aladeen billed himself as a legendary ladies’ man who has hooked up with Megan Fox, Katy Perry and Oprah. "No relationships, just sex activity," he said. As with any good despot, he also came to the interview prepared, just in case he didn’t like any of Lauer’s questions or the interview’s general tone. "By the way, how are your family? ... How is your wife Annette? "What is she doing now?"" he asked as the interview got started. "She's probably watching this interview," Lauer replied. "Incorrect!" Gen. Aladeen exclaimed, pulling a swatch of brown locks from his pocket. "Is this her hair?" The entire stunt was so absurd and so over the top that it was impossible not to laugh, which is the entire point of movies like “The Dictator,” which opens May 16………..

- Finding a good parking space is a war of attrition most days in most cities. City parking decks, surface lots at colleges and universities and crowded acres of pavement outside shopping malls are short on spaces and long on impatient people looking for a place to park. Disputes are bound to break out and if enough disputes break out, sooner or later someone is going to break out a large, sharp metal implement to settle a confrontation. It’s just a rule of life, so don’t try to avoid it. Accept that people like the unidentified Augsburg, Germany man who threatened his neighbor with an ax following their argument over a parking space are a vital and unavoidable part of the world around you. These two Deutschland dwellers engaged in a furious argument Sunday evening over a parking space at the apartment block where they lived. Anyone who has ever been to Germany can attest to the scarcity of parking spaces in most cities and clearly, neither man was going to back down. When the confrontation escalated to the point where physical violence seemed possible, one of the men fled to his apartment and barricaded the door like a coward. His choice proved to be a wise one, as his angry neighbor headed to his tool shed, grabbed his ax and attempted to smash his way through the door. The first man called police, who responded to the scene and pursued the attacker as he retreated into his own apartment. When officers forced their way inside, the man attacked them with the ax as well. The  47-year-old attacker was shot dead prosecutors said in a statement, and one officer was placed on leave following the incident. All of this over a parking space………….

- The FBI has been busy. Actually, the Bureau is always busy, so that in and of itself is nothing new. However, the FBI’s latest round of activity will provide plenty of fodder for the privacy-minded segment of society, those paranoid that Big Brother is listening and that someone is always watching them. According to multiple reports, the FBI has held several meetings with companies that deal in Internet communications, urging them to build a back door into their systems to allow its agents to wiretap personal communications of citizens. Doing so would necessitate action on the 1994 Communications Assistance for Law Enforcement Act, or CALEA, which would require communications platforms like Facebook and email services like Gmail and Yahoo! to build FBI-accessible backdoors into their services. The FBI believes such action would not represent an expansion of its powers, but rather a way to use its existing powers more effectively in an age of increased social meeting use and availability. Oddly enough, companies have been reluctant to go along with the request given the heated reaction to recent Internet regulation such as SOPA and CISPA. Whether the wiretapping back doors are installed or not, there is no question that technology and specifically Internet-based technology, is advancing so quickly that much like the devices themselves, laws and techniques used to police digital communications become outdated quickly. The FBI has argued that it will become even more ineffective if laws governing its policies and practices don’t remain current. Getting what it wants in this case would necessitate a court order for the Bureau, but that would be just one of a series of headaches in the process. Paranoid people across the United States are undoubtedly waiting for this fight and lying in wait with their torches, pitchforks, blogs, Twitter accounts and Molotov cocktails should this increases surveillance ever become reality………….

Third World cops, buzzkill mayors and failing baseball superstars

- Mayor Buzzkill is at it again. Boston Mayor Thomas Menino is overreacting it typical elected official fashion, seeking to respond to violence in the theater district by instating club curfews. Yes, there has been a wave of violence in the area, including a shooting that killed a veteran of the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. Menino’s call for a curfew comes just days after Afghanistan veteran Stephen Perez was shot to death in the theater district after leaving a nightclub. Menino is under the misguided impression that instituting curfews will do something other than move the night-ending violence up an hour or two. “So if you want to go to the theater and go to a restaurant down there, it’s very safe. But after 2:30 in the morning, it becomes a hell hole,” Menino said. To drive his point home, Menino sent a scathing letter to the city’s licensing board, “suggesting” that they make changes to the closing times of six clubs including Rumor, Venu, Royale, Guilt, Caprice, and Cure. Why those clubs specifically? Because the mayor says they all have had a troubled disciplinary history. His jacked-up plan calls for staggering closing times for these establishments so the bars stop letting out all club-goers at the same time. “I as mayor, I got to ensure people who live there and work there that it’s a safe place. What happened over the last four months really shows in some of those establishments,” Menino explained. His proposal has met with mixed reviews, but the licensing board has two weeks to schedule a hearing………

-  A $240 million investment is supposed to pay off immediate and significant dividends. It is not supposed to lead to entire Major League Baseball franchise’s fan base letting out a collective groan when that $240 million man strides to the plate. So far, that has been the Albert Pujols experience in Los Angeles. The slugger, who signed a 10-year, $240 million contract with the Angels this offseason, has yet to hit a home run and has posted a  .194 batting average and the five RBIs through his first 27 games in the American League. He’s struggling through the longest home run drought of his 12-year career and on Saturday, manager Mike Scioscia decided the team was better off without Pujols, at least for one game. Pujols was not in the Los Angeles Angels' starting lineup for their game against the Toronto Blue Jays. He sounded very welcoming of the decision, as a group of reporters approached his locker prior to the game and Pujols said: "Go ask the manager, not me, guys. I don't make the lineup." Well, then. With Pujols out, Mark Trumbo, who moved from first base to playing third and in the outfield after the Angels signed Pujols, started at his original position Saturday night. Scioscia informed Pujols of the decision Friday night after another disappointing effort from the former MVP, who has gone a career-worst 33 games and 137 at-bats without a home run since late last season. "Sometimes you're grinding, and nobody grinds harder than Albert," Scioscia said. "I think he's frustrated just from the fact that he knows there's a lot he feels that he can contribute. Sometimes when you're trying to find something and you're pounding your head against the wall, you need to just get off that treadmill for a second and get back on the next day." Considering he’s already feuded with hitting coach Mickey Hatcher, Pujols’ issues with Scioscia don’t portend good news for the Angels. However, he is confident he can turn the season around. "I can't get myself down, because that's not who I am," he said. "I'm a leader in this clubhouse, just like I was in St. Louis. And when you're struggling around this time of the year, this is when the ballclub really needs their leader to step up.” Yes, it is time to get steppin’ for Pujols……….

- Crazy or not crazy? The definition of insanity nearly changed and probably would have if a panel of psychiatrists charged with updating the reference manual used to diagnose mental illness in the United States has its way. The panel was considering controversial plans to add new diagnoses for people with mild psychosis and those who are simultaneously anxious and sad. All indications were that the panel would fly in the face of convention and approve the changes, but the committee caved to pressure and won’t approve the changes despite leaving in place a host of other proposals that have sparked fierce criticism from professionals in the field. The drama commenced last week when the American Psychiatric Association revealed the possible addition of two new conditions to the fifth edition of its Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, or DSM-5. That is the massive volume considered the bible of modern psychiatry, also known as quality bathroom reading when one has plenty of time to kill. After the possible changes were revealed, many in the psychiatric community were outraged. The first condition, “attenuated psychosis risk,” denoted young people in danger of developing a full-blown psychotic disorder as they aged. However, many psychiatrists complained that there is little evidence that the symptoms, such as occasional mild hallucinations or delusional thinking, are a reliable predictor of later psychosis. These naysayers also contended that such a diagnosis could lead to unnecessary treat young people with powerful antipsychotic drugs that have harmful side effects. A second controversial proposition was the addition of a category for “mixed anxiety depressive disorder” that critics charged could label the challenges of everyday life a mental condition. In a sense, that designation would have played right into the excuse-loving culture where everyone is traumatized, everyone is a victim of something and everyone has an excuse for every failure. Instead, the committee will place both new categories in a section of the DSM-5 for conditions requiring further research. All of the changes were part of a series unveiled Wednesday that will be open to a third and final round of public comment lasting six weeks, through June 15. The 162-member group charged with revising the DSM-5 could make further changes in the next several months before delivering the final draft to the printer by the end of the year. “We have not made decisions ahead of time,” said David Kupfer, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine and chairman of the task force. “I am spending 24-7 with 160 colleagues trying to do the best we can to listen to everybody.” Listening to everyone may be part of the problem in a process that has dragged on for years, beset by delays and allegations of disorganization and secrecy. The DSM-5 is important because its wording can affect what treatments a person is prescribed, whether their health insurance pays for it and what services they are entitled to. Put differently, it’s kind of a big deal………..

- Another (alleged) coup attempt in a far-flung corner of the world? Awwwwe-some! Not only is this a coup in a remote part of the globe, it comes from the tiny island nation of Curacao, previously known best for dominating its region for Little League World Series baseball qualifying. Curacao is a country within the Kingdom of the Netherlands with the Dutch monarch overseeing foreign affairs and defense, but it has its own government as well, helmed by a prime minister. Prime Minister Gerrit Schotte is at the heart of the alleged coup attempt and has suspended the island's entire secret service agency because of it. Granted, Schotte may be a bit tardy in acting, but a good coup story is a good coup story because such tales have no expiration date. The supposed coup was plotted in 2010, but Schotte announced the suspension of the entire secret service Friday, along with the decision to leave an unidentified number of members on paid leave pending a parliamentary investigation. Even when that investigation is complete, Schotte plans to restructure a new agency with assistance from the Dutch intelligence service. Unfortunately, Schotte did not provide details about the alleged coup. The prime minister has had several well-publicized run-ins with the secret service agency since the Dutch Caribbean island obtained greater autonomy in 2010 following the breakup of the Netherlands Antilles. A cynic might argue that Schotte is merely paranoid or an exceptionally insecure leader, but an optimist would say, “Who the hell cares? A coup story is awesome regardless!” If only the whole world could grasp that optimistic way of viewing the world……….

- Damn. There isn't a better response to the overpowering success of “The Avengers” at the box office in its opening weekend. The superhero six-pack from Marvel made a whopping $200.3 million in its debut, a record for opening weekends among all films. The margin of victory for “Avengers” over its closest pursuer was also a record, as undeserving defending box office champion “Think Like a Man” was a mere $192 million behind with an $8 million weekend to raise its three-week domestic tally to $73.1 million. “The Hunger Games” impressively hung in third place despite being in its seventh week of release, adding $5.7 million to its coffers for running total of $380.7 million domestically. Unwatchably bad Zac Efron vehicle “The Lucky One” was fourth with $5.5 million and has earned $47.9 million through three weeks. “The Pirates! Band of Misfits” was fifth in its second weekend in theaters, making $5.4 million despite dropping off 51 percent from its opening last weekend. Through two weeks, its unimpressive total is $18.6 million. Fellow mediocre second-week movie “The Five-Year Engagement” ranked sixth with $5.1 million and has so-so’ed its way to $19.2 million in domestic earnings thus far. John Cusack’s “The Raven” landed in seventh place with a $2.5 million effort to inch up to $12 million in total earnings in its first two weeks. “Safe” continued to disappoint, making $2.4 million to average just over $1,000 per theater and the action flick was eighth for the weekend. Disney’s “Chimpanzee” secured the ninth spot on the list with a $2.3 million weekend and Fox’s uninspired revival of “The Three Stooges” rounded out the top 10 with a measly $1.9 million for a four-week haul of $39.6 million and counting. The lone film to drop out from last week’s top 10 was horror flick “The Cabin in the Woods (No. 11)…………

Mystikal moments, engraved turtles and exploding balloons

- Notre Dame football has spent the past decade on a quest to become an elite program again. Their former glory has faded completely and a series of head coaches have been unable to get the Irish back to where they once were on an annual basis, at the top of college football. In two-plus seasons, current head coach Brian Kelly seems to have made progress in rebuilding the program. The events at an off-campus house party late Wednesday night and into early Thursday morning suggest that Notre Dame may be closer to elite status than anyone realized. Every top program needs its share of rule breakers, knuckleheads, petty criminals and felons. Thanks to quarterback Tommy Rees and linebacker Carlo Calabrese, the Irish have several entries checked off from that list. Rees was released from jail on $250 bond late Thursday afternoon after being charged with four misdemeanors following his arrest early Thursday morning. Rees faces four misdemeanors: minor consumption, two counts of resisting law enforcement and battery after initially being jailed on a preliminary felony charge of battery on a police officer and misdemeanor resisting arrest and alcohol charges. According to South Bend police Capt. Phil Trent, Rees attempted to flee the party when the cops raided it. He was one of five people who jumped a backyard fence and ran, but officer Brandon Stec caught up with Rees. The fact that a Div. I athlete could not outrun a cop is embarrasing, but Rees attempted to make up for it by going MMA on Stec, going with a knee lift into the officer as both fell in a scuffle, leaving Stec with a bloody right arm when he hit the pavement. At that point, Rees continued "thrashing around and resisting," at which point he was subdued with pepper spray and placed in handcuffs. Ever the good teammate, Calabrese tried to intervene by explaining who Rees was. When the “Do you know who I am?” card didn’t work, Calabrese went full-on jock knucklehead, threatening an officer by saying, "My people are going to get you," according to Trent. When friends tried to restrain him, Calabrese shook them off and reiterated his threat to the officer. He and Rees got to ride downtown together, where Trent said Rees registered 0.11 percent on a blood-alcohol test and Calabrese registered 0.12. The school has yet to announce discipline for either player, but this incident may not help Rees in his battle to win the starting quarterbacking gig………….

- Balloons are awesome. Therefore, the fault has to lie with someone or something else when dozens of clusters of balloons explode during a political rally in the central square of Armenia's capital and injure at least 144 people. There is no way helium-filled spheres of joy and delight for children of all ages are going to bring that much harm, whether they are afloat in Yerevan, Armenia or anywhere else in the world. So who is to blame? Believe it or not, a filthy smoker. Shocking, right? Some leather-faced, gravelly-voiced cancer stick addict lighting up near the balloons is believed to be the cause of the explosion, which led to 104 people being hospitalized with burns. The Emergencies Ministry confirmed the injuries, although Health Minister Artyom Pushkian said no one had life-threatening injuries. Event organizers intended for the balloons to be flown at a Republican Party rally that drew tens of thousands ahead of Sunday's parliamentary vote in the former Soviet republic. Despite the injuries and disappointment of so many balloons being wasted, Armenian President Serge Sarkisian addressed the rally with a speech in support of his party, which maintains a firm grip on the parliament of the impoverished nation that borders Turkey. As prevalent as smoking is in many European nations, the incident is hardly a surprise, but it doesn’t make it any less disappointing. Respect for balloons clearly is nowhere it needs to be in Armenia……….

- Label your turtles well, kids. If you do, you’ll be able to identify them 47 years after you first find them. That lesson was driven home recently for Holland and Jeff Cokeley of South Strabane, Pa. Holland Cokeley was out in the woods recently, walking with his neighbor’s dog, Zack. The dog began nosing around at an object on the ground and when Cokely went over to see what it was, he spotted a turtle. Initially, the find didn’t grab his attention too much, but a closer look sent him back in time to 1965, when his son Jeff found a turtle and carved his initials into its shell before releasing it back into the wild. When Holland Cokeley picked the creature up, he spotted the initials etched there nearly five decades ago. “I picked it up, and I thought ‘Oh geez, this is Jeff’s turtle!’” said Cokeley. “It’s been here for 47 years, and it still has the same the same markings on it.” Jeff Cokeley was 13 years old at the time and now, he’s a 60-year-old man living in New York. When his father sent pictures of the turtle with his initials still visible, Jeff Cokeley began laughing. That the turtle is still alive isn't a total surprise, as wild, eastern box turtles in the right environmental conditions can live up to 100 years. After finding the turtle, Holland Cokeley kept the animal for a few days before releasing it back into the wild to keep up its placid existence………….

 

- Greenland's glaciers have taken a lot of blame – maybe too much blame. Glaciers have been pegged for contributing heavily to sea-level rise, but a team of researchers under the direction of lead author Twila Moon from the University of Washington has discovered that the melting process of the glaciers is not speeding up as much as previously thought. As a result, those so-called ice rivers may be contributing "significantly less" than had been thought to rising sea levels. Previous studies predicted that Greenland’s glaciers would double their flow by 2010 and maintain that speed in future years. Moon’s team speculated that while the glaciers are not melting as quickly right now, they could eventually flow faster than earlier studies estimated. Using data stretching back to 2000-2001, researchers collected from more than 200 outlet glaciers. Their database included results of previous surveys by Canadian, German and Japanese satellites. "So far, on average, we are seeing about a 30 percent speed-up in 10 years," Moon observed. That number is significantly less than previous projections, one of which estimated that glacial flow would increase by 100 percent. However, the research team did extrapolate that glacier flows would continue to increase in speed during the rest of the century. Melt rates are important because the volume of ice and meltwater from land being deposited in the sea has a direct impact on global sea level. With glaciers being the main transportation mechanism that moves this material from the interior of land masses such as Greenland and Antarctica to the oceans, slowing their melt rates is paramount. Before global warming doubters hail this study as proof that bleeding heart liberals are wrong, study co-author Ian Howat from Ohio State University has a few words of caution. "There is the caveat that this 10-year time series is too short to really understand long-term behavior," Howat said. "There still may be future events - tipping points - that could cause large increases in glacier speeds to continue. Perhaps some of the big glaciers in the north of Greenland that have not yet exhibited any changes may begin to speed up, which would greatly increase the rate of sea-level rise." More about all of the riveting work done in this study can be found in the latest issue of the journal Science……….

- It was a bittersweet occasion Friday for New Orleans rapper Mystikal (real name Michael Tyler) and thousands of fans in his hometown as he prepares for a May 14 return to jail following a February arrest on a misdemeanor charge of domestic abuse battery. Tyler was released from a Louisiana prison in 2010 after serving six years for sexual battery and extortion, but obviously could not steer clear of trouble with a woman he was living with as longtime domestic partners. “I’m going through some things, but it’s gonna be all right,” Tyler said from the stage during his performance. “Fellas if you get into it with your girl, just walk away. Me? I’m gonna run. Eighty-one days and I will be back.” The 81-day comment was an allusion to the length of his pending jail term after district court judge Tony Marabella ordered him to serve 90 days in jail for the violation but gave him credit for the nine days he was detained after his Feb. 22 arrest. With only a few water breaks to slow the pace, Tyler ripped through a set list that included fan favorites “Bouncin’ Back, “Danger (Been So Long),” and “Here I Go,” with support from by his full brass band “Hot Sausage.” Fans cheered rabidly, clearly willing to ignore (or simply unaware of) the reason he is headed back to prison. Granted, an altercation with your lady is not quite as heinous as being found guilty of forcing your hairstylist to perform what a judge called “continuous sex acts,” which Tyler pleaded guilty to in 2003, but it’s still bad. Mystikal may never top accusing a hairstylist of stealing $80,000 worth of his checks and making her perform oral sex as punishment, but perhaps another stint in the gray bar hotel will convince him to change his ways………

The death of a rivalry, running is good and cat c

- Very impressive, Fox. And by impressive, of course, assume that means, “Wow, you ass hats have found a way to plumb new depths with reality TV and come up with something more asinine than any concept before it.” For the network that began the reality karaoke show plague with “American Karaoke,” finding a new low is a big feat. Fox has done exactly that by combining the worst of two words: reality dating shows and the blind choice component of NBC’s reality karaoke series “The Voice” into the hack-tacularly bad “The Choice.” The basic concept of the show is to have celebrities (as prominent a celebrity as is willing to go on a reality dating show with some random losers) use spinning chairs as on “The Voice” and for a quartet of them pick dates blindly from a pool of contestants. Theoretically, that should make the physical appearance of potential dates irrelevant – or at least it would if there was a snowball in Death Valley’s chance that producers would pick a 5-foot-5, 275-pound chick with a moustache or a 375-pound, pasty guy with a unibrow to be on the show. Fox has yet to identify the pathetic D-list celebrities who will appear on the show, but Fox alternative series president Mike Darnell and producers A. Smith & Co. have hired Cat Deeley to host. She will also be hosting “So You Think You Can Dance” for a reality garbage-filled few months. Darnell is either a great liar or he’s throughly convinced that the show is a good idea. “There hasn’t been a new hit since The Bachelor, and there hasn’t been an in-studio one that’s worked since The Dating Game 30 years ago. I was thinking about how to do a blind-date show without using a wall or blindfolds, and the spinning chairs seemed like a great way to do it,” he said. “The Voice” will air six one-hour episodes this summer, debuting on Thursday, June 7 at 9 p.m. In a decidedly lopsided arrangement, five episodes will have male celebrities with female contestants; one will have female celebrities and male contestants. In the first round of each show, contestants will describe themselves. If a celebrity bachelor or bachelorette likes what he or she hears, that person will pull their ““love handle,” spinning their chair around to face the potential date. If multiple celebrities pull their love handle, they will battle for that person’s fake TV affections. Sounds like a truly terrible idea……..

- This just in: Running is good for you. In fact, some über-smart Danish researchers from the Copenhagen City Heart Study did their due exercise diligence and found that regular jogging adds years onto the life expectancies of both men and women. Better still, those who would like to extend their lifespan need only jog an optimal time of two-and-a-half hours per week, spread out between two or three jogging sessions, the researchers found. "The results of our research allow us to definitively answer the question of whether jogging is good for your health," said Peter Schnohr, chief cardiologist of the Copenhagen City Heart Study. "We can say with certainty that regular jogging increases longevity. The good news is that you don't actually need to do that much to reap the benefits." Hear that, lazy world? You don’t even need to do much to get the benefits. Schnohr and his team drew from data from the Copenhagen City Heart Study, which started in 1976 and includes data from 20,000 men and women ages 20 to 93. A total of 1,116 males and 762 females took part in the research, all of them joggers. They were compared with non-joggers and answered questions about their jogging intensity, pace and time spent running each week. Over a 35-year span, 10,158 non-joggers and 122 joggers died. Joggers saw an average of 6.2 years added to their lifespan for men  5.6 years onto the life expectancies for women. Schnohr presented the findings at the non-stop kegger disguised as a scientific conference that is EuroPRevent2012 meeting in Ireland………

- Europe launches plenty of trends that eventually become huge in the United States. This time, Europe is the one doing the imitating as an entrepreneur in Vienna, Austria has opened the first-ever European cat café. Owner Alexander Thuer admitted that the idea to combine coffee with cats comes from his Japanese wife, Takako Ishimitsu, who brought the concept over from Asia. There are five resident cats at the café and patrons can bring their feline as well, but dogs, which are welcome at most Viennese coffee houses, have to stay outside. Café Neko officially opened Thursday and provides a chance to mingle with the most aloof, distant house pets known to man while potentially ending up with a nice hairball in your coffee. When the cats are tired of being around humans (and when aren't cats tired of being around humans?), they can disappear into their own space or climb high above the tables, out of reach of the guests. A trip to Vienna just became that much more interesting, assuming that enjoying a latte alongside a clawed, ill-tempered lump of fur that treats you with utter contempt………

- Kentucky-Indiana is one of the best non-conference matchups in college basketball every season, but the longtime rivalry is dead for the foreseeable future because neither school could agree on where to play the series. That’s right, what essentially boils down to a pissing match over money and logististics is going to submarine and amazing and storied rivalry. Indiana had the gall to propose that the series continue in a home-and-home setup, while Kentucky wanted to move back to neutral-site games and offered to play the series at Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis. Negotiations went back and forth for months until IU athletic director Fred Glass ended the debate. "In the final analysis, we want our student-athletes, our overall student body and our season-ticket holders to enjoy this series at Assembly Hall," Glass said. Kentucky athletic director Mitch Barnhart confirmed the decision Thursday and described Glass’ decision as a significant departure from previous discussions with Indiana officials. "I guess they're putting that out there as a final conversation, so we'll go on from there, do what we have to do," Barnhart said. "We've been playing the games since the early 1950s, somewhere in that range. It's been a while. It's disappointing for that not to continue. I hate it for the fans, especially with two top-five teams coming back next year. I guess they did not want to do that.” Barnhart’s reference to the defending national champion Wildcats and fast-rising Hoosiers likely to both be ranked in the top five nationally to start next season is no stretch. That matchup is now dead on arrival. A game that rotated between Freedom Hall in Louisville and the Hoosier/RCA Dome in Indianapolis from 1991 through 2005 and switched to campus sites in 2006 will not happen in 2012, 2013 or any time soon. Glass magnanimously suggested that he series could be revived if Kentucky is willing to play games on campus. With the Louisville series dead, Kentucky must find a new opponent to fill the open date it has for Lucas Oil Stadium. "We were willing to play them both in the state of Indiana and they said no to that,'' Kentucky coach John Calipari said. "That means they don't want to play us." Instead, Indiana’s premier nonconference game will now be a potential matchup against UCLA in the Legends Classic in Brooklyn, N.Y. Thanks for a whole lot of nothing, IU and UK officials……….

- One of the most-used black books in history will soon go on display at the Chicago History Museum for the world to see. Playboy founder Hugh Hefner’s little black book, along with one of those “While You Were Away” message notes found inside, will be a part of the museum’s “Unexpected Chicago” exhibit on Friday. A statement from the museum explained that Hefner used the book back in the 1950s “while his celebrity was on the rise, building a world empire of fantasy and desire where readers could escape their troubles by getting caught in the teasing gaze of the centerfold-of-the-month.” Hefner fled the Windy City for Los Angeles decades ago, but during his time in Chicago he used the book to record notes about women he met as he was beginning to build the Playboy empire. The skin mag magnate who turned 86 last month, founded Playboy in 1953, with Marilyn Monroe famously gracing the cover of the first issue. Odds are the numbers in the book are either out of service or just not something the average dude would have much use for. Still, trying to imagine how often a iPhone, BlackBerry and Droid-less Hefner went to that black book back in the day to jot down important details on the latest hottie he’d met……….

Greedy art frauds, stoner political statements and Kindle krises

- Totally not cool, Tampa Police Department, not cool. Some intrepid (or simply forgetful) stoner lovingly planted a single marijuana plant in a large city of Tampa planter, with irrigation and a direct line of sunlight, that just happened to be located right across the street from police headquarters. For weeks, the little pot plant grew unnoticed, hoping to fulfill its destiny of being part of a larger collection of plants that would provide ganja for the joints and bongs of many stoners. There it grew on the busy corner of N. Franklin Street and Madison Street, right across the street from the Tampa Police Department building. Police officers, legal professionals, city cleaning crews and thousands of citizens passed right by and didn’t take notice. It’s a surefire sign that not enough people stop to smell the hippie lettuce in life and the plant may have kept on growing for a while longer had bad Samaritan Justin Grimes and his brother not noticed it as they headed out to lunch. "Right across from the police station," he said. "Right in front of a drug pharmacy and with a Tampa cleanup crew walking all around it for the last hour and a half. That’s pretty funny to me. Nobody noticed it.” To be sure of what they had, Tampa police attempted to smoke the plant….just kidding. Sadly, they did the obvious(ly) boring and tested the plant. "The plant tested positive for THC," Tampa Police Capt. David Goodman said. Tetrahydrocannabinol, as any good stoner knows, is the active chemical in marijuana. In spite of its odd location, Goodman doesn’t believe a creative stoner was looking to make a political statement by planting it. “I don’t think anybody was trying to test our knowledge or see how much we were appreciating the city’s beautification efforts,” Goodman said. He’s absolutely correct because there is no way a pothead is wasting even one plant by planting it in a public place to make a political statement. In a sad ending for the brave plant, it will be destroyed and no criminal case will be opened. Because it was only inches high, the plant was not mature enough to produce a usable illegal drug and will never fulfill its destiny………..

- Try to get it right this time, Montreal Canadiens. The last time the province of Quebec’s sole NHL team hired a head coach, the entire story devolved into a mud-slinging debacle in which the city’s French-Canadian residents berated the team for hiring a coach who did not speak French. That Randy Cunneyworth was only an interim head coached promoted at midseason to replace the fired Jacques Martin made little difference because his presence on the bench was deemed an affront by many Quebec residents. Now that the Canadiens’ season is over and they have hired Chicago Blackhawks assistant general manager and former NHL defenseman Marc Bergevin as their new GM, he will inherit the task of hiring a new head coach. Bergevin said during his introductory press conference Wednesday that he told Cunneyworth that he'll return as an assistant coach for the time being and won't keep his title as head coach. As if seeking to pander to angry French-Canadians, team president Geoff Molson pointed out that Bergevin was born in Montreal He also played 20 seasons in the NHL, and served as a former scouting director, assistant coach and assistant GM. "We feel we have selected an individual with the potential to lead our organization in the future," Molson said. "We were looking for a candidate with very strong leadership capability, great communication skills at all levels and someone with a clear determination and commitment to winning." Blah, blah. Blah. All angry Quebec residents want is to have a coach who can speak their native tongue and lead them to something better than a dismal 31-35-16 season and a last-place finish in the Eastern Conference………….

 

- Amazon may believe it has a real chance to compete in the tablet/e-reader market, but mega-retailer Target clearly disagrees. The retail chain announced Wednesday that it is phasing out Amazon.com Inc.’s e-reader Kindle at its more than 1,700 stores and on its website. Target spokeswoman Molly Snyder explained the decision, saying the company will no longer sell Kindles in light of an “ongoing review” of Target’s merchandise that evaluates quality and prices of the chain’s offerings. Coincidentally enough, the company just so happens to create mini Apple shops in 25 of its stores across the country. Apple’s iPad remains the dominant tablet on the market despite competition from cheaper tablet computers such as Amazon’s Kindle Fire and the house that Steve Jobs built has sold more than 55 million iPads since the tablet’s debut in 2010. For Target, its time as a Kindle retailer will be short-lived. The Minneapolis-based company began selling Kindles two years ago and it was just six month ago, shortly after Thanksgiving, that it announced that Amazon’s Kindle was the best-selling tablet in its stores. Not only will Target stop selling Kindles, but it will also stop selling Kindle accessories like covers and chargers. Snyder did not want to comment on the obvious correlation between Apple mini-shops and the cessation of Kindle sales, saying only, “We will continue to offer our guests a full assortment of e-readers and supporting accessories.” Amazon did not comment on the decision, with good reason as there is little the online retailer could say that wouldn’t sound defeatist or outright delusional……….

- Is Robert Pattinson a versatile, talented actor? Hell no, but he can try anyhow. Playing an über-pasty, hunky teen vampire may have stretched his thespian skills well beyond their limits, but Pattinson is undaunted and believes he can pull off the role of a U.S. army interrogator who played a key role in pinpointing the hiding place of late Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein. Yes, the “Twilight” eye candy is set to play a military investigator in a new psychological thriller, “Mission: Blacklist.” Besides being a shameless rip-off of the “Mission: Impossible” concept (in name at least), the movie clearly has some casting shortcomings. Pattinson will play Eric Maddox in the film adaptation of the book written by author Davin Seay. “Mission: Black List #1: The Inside Story of the Search for Saddam Hussein – As Told by the Soldier Who Masterminded His Capture” is the hellaciously long title and yet it might be less insufferable than seeing Pattinson trying to pull of his new role. Maddox said when the book was first released that he believed the story of how Hussein was captured was misunderstood and explained that he interrogated more than 300 people to piece the puzzle together. For the historically ignorant (or those with poor long-term memory), Hussein was captured by U.S. forces on Dec. 13, 2003 in his hiding hole near a farmhouse in ad-Dawr near Tikrit, Iraq. He was subsequently hanged for a conviction in f the 1982 killings of 148 Iraqi Shia. Now that Pattinson has completed work on the final “Twilight” film and said he is unlikely to return to the role of dreamy vampire Edward Cullen even if series creator Stephenie Meyer chose to write more “Twilight” books in the future, he is clearly looking to do a hatchet job on other roles and characters. By all means, let the unintentional hilarity ensue………

- Don’t be greedy. Have patience. Never be afraid to take a step back and exercise some caution. Those are words of wisdom to live by for art forgers and they could definitely have helped 63-year-old William Mumford, a British man who has been sentenced to two years in jail for forging up to 1,000 paintings. Scotland Yard said Mumford imitated artists such as Maqbool Fida Husain, Kyffin Williams and John Tunnard. How was this artistic scammer found out? Mumford got greedy and because of his lack of self-control, a major auction house saw in 2009 that an unusually large number of Husain paintings were offered for sale. Suspecting something sinister might be afoot, the auction house contacted police and from there, investigators went to work unraveling a scheme in which co-conspirators placed the bogus works for sale on eBay and at British auction houses in exchange for a 20 percent cut. Mumford, not a hardened criminal in any sense, caved when investigators questioned him and admitted creating up to 1,000 forgeries. Detectives learned that some of his bogus works had been sold for up to $38,500. He was sentenced Thursday at a London court after earlier pleading guilty to conspiracy to defraud and will now have to do his scamming in a place where his fellow inmates/new neighbors are probably more conscious of a con………..

Taliban cluelessness, Tom Cruise: vampire hunter and contentious NBA playoff series

- Seeing the same team anywhere between four and seven times within a two-week period with so much on the line, hate, animosity and hostility are bound to crop up. That’s part of what makes the NBA playoffs so compelling, but not every playoff series contains the level of utter disdain displayed so far in the first-round matchup between the Dallas Mavericks and Oklahoma City Thunder. In a rematch of last season’s Western Conference finals won by Dallas, the Thunder have won the first two games at home by a combined four points and in Monday night’s Game 2, a close game turned into a nasty game when Thunder center Kendrick Perkins and Mavs star Dirk Nowitzki battled for position near the hoop on a rebound. Perkins took objection to a hard shot from Nowiztki, came back at the 7-foot German and the two exchnaged words. Perkins took a wild swing in Nowitzki’s direction and teammates pulled both of them back before anything more serious could occur. Still, there was no denying that Perkins was ready to go upside Nowitzki’s head and Nowitzki was not backing down. As angry as he was, Dallas coach Rick Carlisle was even more fired up after the game in his press conference. Asked about the altercation and the chippy play on the court, Carlisle reiterated the popular refrain around the league that the Thunder are a dirty team. He explained that he’s in favor of physical playoff basketball, but "the dirty bullshit has got to stop." The contempt in his voice was apparent and even if he was largely looking to fight a PR battle with the media and referees to put a more intense focus on the supposed dirty play, there is no questioning that the two teams despise each other and the rest of the series should be awesomely nasty…………

- What does Tom Cruise do to fill his time between big-budget “Mission: Impossible” sequels? Step in for another A-lister as a vampire slayer, apparently. Cruise has accepted the lead role in the next “Van Helsing” movie, taking the place of the franchise’s former leading man, Hugh Jackman. The irony of a diminutive action star who previously played the title role in “Interview with a Vampire” playing a vampire slayer is heavy, but Cruise clearly knows his way around a blockbuster. Jackman may well have realized that his future with the series was dim after the previous incarnation was critically panned despite scaring up in excess of $300 million worldwide. To give Cruise a better chance for success, Universal is bringing in the big guns, signing respected writers Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci, the brain trust behind the forthcoming “Star Trek 2,” “Transformers” and “Mission Impossible: III.” The MI-3 gig obviously partnered them with Cruise and Universal obviously hopes to recapture that magic in a vampire-ific way. Orci and Kurtzman signed two-year contracts with universal and one of their first tasks with Universal will be giving a minor makeover to the script for the sequel to “The Amazing Spider-Man.” Changing the perception of the franchise will be a difficult task, but adding Cruise and a high-powered writing team gives the project a solid start……….

- The results are in. Scientists examining the remains of "Otzi," Italy's prehistoric iceman who roamed the Alps some 5,300 years ago, announced Wednesday that they have identified what they believe to be the oldest traces of human blood ever found. A team of German and Italian scientists said they used an atomic force microscope to examine tissue sections from a wound caused by an arrow that killed the Copper Age man and in those samples were small traces of blood. Otzi as found frozen in a glacier with a small laceration on his right hand. "They really looked similar to modern-day blood samples," explained professor lead researcher Albert Zink, the German head of the Institute for Mummies and the Iceman at the European Academy in Bolzano. "So far, this is the clearest evidence of the oldest blood cells.” Zink and his team worked with the Center for Smart Interfaces at Darmstadt Technical University in Germany and the Center for Nano Sciences in Munich. Otzi has been dissected and sampled for two decades as scientists have collected data from his stomach, bowels and teeth. German climbers famously discovered Otzi protruding from a glacier in 1991 in the Tyrolean Alps on the Austrian-Italian border. His nickname is derived from the German word for the area where he was found and we now know that he had type-O blood to go with his brown hair and approximate age of 45 at the time of his death by arrow-inflicted wound thousands of years ago. Zink and his team determined Ozti’s blood type using a nanotechnology instrument that scans the surface of the tissue sections using a very fine probe with sensors to measure every tiny deflection, line by line and point by point, building up a three-dimensional image. The probe identified red blood cells with the classic doughnut shape seen in healthy people today. "It is very interesting to see that the red blood cells can last for such a long time," he said. "This will also open up possibilities for forensic science and may help lead to a more precise determination of the age of blood spots in crime investigations." Marek Janko and Robert Stark, professors of material sciences at the Center for Nano Sciences in Munich and Italian colleagues in Bolzano, partnered with Zink on the research and the trio hopes to carry out further analysis on Otzi's enzymes, proteins and immune system. No word on whether they will test Ozti’s blood for prehistoric performance-enhancing substances………….

- Boy Scouts are not the coolest, edgiest group. In fact, anyone who remains a Scout past the age of 10 is in store for some serious mocking and ostracism from their peers on account of merit badges, sashes and hiking trips to the local state park not being what teens and pre-teens consider to be cool. To rate on the popularity scale, a Boy Scout needs to do something truly spectacular because rising above their dork-tacular status is all but impossible. Four Hornell, N.Y. Boy Scouts made their attempt to get more run with the ladies while hanging out on a car ride through town. One moment, the quartet was acting like kids in the back seat of a car and moments later, they were rushing to the aid of three men trapped under the remains of a collapsed building at the site of the former Parkway Apartments on Begole Road. The building collapsed during a planned demolition Saturday afternoon as the property owner was tearing down a vacant section of the building. When the Boy Scouts arrived on the site, the picture in front of them was a bit grisly. "I was scared because a man’s leg was up near his shoulder," said scout Lee Cornish. Fellow scouts Noah McHenry, Sam Argentieri, Aiden Libordi sprang into action after Cornish’s father stopped the car. "We tried to lift it up enough so the men could breathe and have an oxygen flow," Lee Cornish explained. After 10 minutes, the group of five was able to clear some debris and lessen the load on those trapped. Emergency responders arrived to finish the job and victims Myron Gibson and Richard Powers were both treated and released, while the status of third victim Terry Young is not known………..

- Memo to the Taliban: You’re supposed to be a militant group of extremists looking to seize control of a country, not a junior high musical or college football team. What the hell happened to covertly launching your violent offensives to overthrow the establishment and taking everyone by surprise? Instead, the Taliban acted as if it were letting the community know about its spring performances of “Guys and Dolls” by alerting the world that it will officially start its annual "spring offensive" in Afghanistan on Thursday. Worse still, they announced that this year's offensive would be code-named "Al-Farouk," the title of the second Muslim caliph who lived in the seventh century. There is no problem with the name, but there is a problem with announcing the SECRET CODE NAME of your plan. According to the suddenly talkative Taliban, the offensive will focus on "all those people who work against the Mujahedeen, toil to pave ground for the occupation of Afghanistan and become the cause for the strength of the invaders." The announcement reeks of desperately gasping for straws as the group sough a rebuttal following a surprise visit by President Barack Obama. Obama spoke live to the American people via satellite after he and Afghan President Hamid Karzai signed a strategic partnership agreement that will serve as the framework for future relations between the two nations. To respond, Taliban attackers targeted a heavily fortified, private compound in eastern Afghanistan that is mostly occupied by internationals. A car bomb at 6:15 a.m. Thursday rocked the area and gunfire followed the bombing. Police officials claimed the incident was under control by 9 a.m., with seven people dead and 17 injured in the attack. "With this attack we want to send a message to Obama that the Afghans will welcome you with attacks. He needs to take out forces from Afghanistan. Not kill the innocent Afghans and destroy the Afghans' country. You don't need to sign agreements; you need to focus on how to get out of this country," said Zabiullah Mujahid, a spokesman for the Taliban. Unfortunately for the Taliban, most Afghans have responded to the agreement by expressing optimism that it will secure much needed international support for Afghanistan past the 2014 deadline for Afghans to take over security of their country. "The agreement gives independence and sovereignty to Afghanistan, not completely, but it gives some sovereignty," said Mahmoud Khan, a member of parliament from Kandahar. Under the terms of the agreement, the two nations are committed to working together through 2024 and the U.S. is also committed to providing ongoing financial support for the Afghan security forces and development efforts in Afghanistan. Fighting against all of that is fine if that’s what the Taliban believes in, but the least they could do was keeping their plans secret and springing them on the world like any good group of self-respecting militants would……….

X Games expansion, Iranian assassination mania and robotic phone pillows

- The idea is not new. For the five self-described anarchists who were arrested Monday evening by the FBI's Joint Terrorism Task Force after they allegedly conspired to blow up a bridge near Cleveland, the goal isn't exactly original. Anyone who has spent any amount of time in or around Cleveland has undoubtedly contemplated finding a massive quantity of explosives and detonating the very definition of a Rust Belt city rife with urban decay. However, Douglas L. Wright, Brandon L. Baxter, and Anthony Hayne,, who were arrested and been charged with conspiracy and attempted use of explosive materials to damage physical property affecting interstate commerce, and co-conspirators Connor C. Stevens and Joshua S. Stafford went beyond dreaming. According to a statement by the FBI, these five would-be Mensas were snagged by a sting operation in which three of them conspired to acquire C-4 explosives and build two improvised explosive devices to be remotely detonated. Authorities confirmed that these three are self-proclaimed anarchists who had considered "a series of evolving plots over several months." Their ever-evolving plan began with a scheme to use smoke grenades to distract local law enforcement in an effort to "topple financial institution signs atop high rise buildings." Clearly, they released how amateurish this would look and escalated to discussing several plots to satiate their appetite for destruction. After as much careful consideration as five men with a combined IQ of 47 can muster, they settled on the Brecksville-Northfield High Level Bridge, which spans the Cuyahoga Valley National Park and carries a four-lane highway. However, the FBI made it clear that the public was never in any real danger. "The public was never in danger from the explosive devices" because an undercover FBI agent was involved and the explosives were inert, the bureau explained in a news release. "The defendants were closely monitored by law enforcement.” Sadly, someone else is going to have to take up the challenge to remove the national eyesore that is Cleveland from the American sightline………….

- Although sports purists may not want to admit it, the X Games are legit. Whether it’s the summer or winter version of the extreme sports competition, X Games has become a sort of alt-Olympics for the skateboarding/snowboarding sect. Those who doubt its legitimacy may want to duck and cover before this next bit of news. Not only are the X Games not going away, they are expanding. It was announced Wednesday that three new cities will be added to the annual X Games calendar for the next three years. Barcelona, Spain, Munich, Germany and Foz do Iguaçu, Brazil, have been chosen as X Games venues for 2013-15. They were selected from a group of nine finalists and will join current hosts Aspen, Colo.; Tignes, France; and Los Angeles, creating a six-event (four summer, two winter) X Games schedule that will run from January to August. "Action sports is a collection of activities that we think travels really well around the world," said Scott Guglielmino, senior vice president of programming and X Games with ESPN. With the addition of Brazil to the hosting lineup, X Games will finally have a direct presence in Latin and South America, which already offer one of the strongest action-sports cultures in the world. Additionally, having three events in Europe will be another boon for X Games. All three new host cities made convincing pitches for how X Games could succeed there and officials confirmed that each new host city will introduce additional sports and cultural elements unique to their regions. Both Munich and Barcelona have experience staging major international sporting events (Munich with the Summer Olympic Games in 1972 and Barcelona with the Summer Games in 1992) and Foz do Iguaçu is renowned as one of the most beautiful metropolitan areas in South America. Organizers in Munich plan to use the city’s Olympic park to stage many of the individual events. Foz do Iguaçu beat out Brazilian rivals Rio and São Paulo to nab its hosting spot. Here is how the X Games schedule will break down beginning next year: Jan. 24-27: Aspen, Colo., March 20-22: Tignes, France, April 18-21: Foz do Iguaçu, Brazil, May 9-12: Barcelona, Spain, June 27-30: Munich, Germany and Aug. 1-4: Los Angeles………..

- There are blankets with arms for the perpetually lazy, there are self-operating vacuums for those who are too sluggish to clean and now, there is a giant, person-shaped pillow that also doubles as a cell phone and vibrates based on the frequency of the voice of the person you're talking to. Yes, technology is a wonderful asset for the lazy, lonely and just plain pathetic. The pillow phone comes courtesy of a Japanese roboticist who claims his new invention seeks to bring the largely missing sense of touch into the world of digital communications. Japanese roboticist Hiroshi Ishiguro is known for making a robotic version of himself, so maybe he deserves credit for turning his focus outward to create the "Hugvie" robot phone. In a video promoting the Hugvie, Ishiguro explains that the overall goal for the product is to help people who are talking on the phone feel as if they're actually with the person they're speaking with: "The two vibrators produce a throbbing sound like a heartbeat. That pulse can get faster or stronger depending on the volume and tone of the caller's voice. We've used several rules like that to create the pulsing sound. When we give Telenoids to seniors, most people hugged them ... when they talked to the other person," he said. Vibrators, oddly-shaped pillows……creepy. The situation becomes even creepier when the roboticist describes the Hugvie as a "soft cuddly object shaped like a person." The Hugvie functions by a user placing their phone inside a pocket in the pillow-bot and making a call. Maybe the entire project is a hoax or practical joke, but it looks disturbingly real………….

- Thank you, Iran. Those words are rarely uttered, but they seem appropriate after the legal advisor for Saudi Arabia’s embassy in Cairo revealed that Egyptian security services foiled an Iranian plot to assassinate the Saudi ambassador in Cairo several months ago. Sami Jamal claimed that Egyptian law enforcement "arrested three Iranians planning to assassinate the ambassador, Ahmed Qattan." So why the thank you? Because when was the last time any country did something so ballsy and arrogant as to attempt to assassinate another country’s ambassador on a third country’s soil? That sort of plot is so over the top, so brazen that it’s almost amusing. Had the plot succeeded, the story obviously would have been different, but the fact that it was foiled means everyone can sit back and laugh at Iran having even more international egg on its face. But if all of this happened three months ago, why is the story just coming to light. "Egyptian authorities informed concerned parties at the Saudi foreign ministry of the details of the plot, but the Saudi side opted to keep silent on the matter," Jamal said. "Everybody was concerned that foreign parties would exploit demonstrations by some (Egyptians) outside the embassy (in Cairo) to attack members of the mission." Believe it or not, Iran is denying the allegations. Queried about the reports, a spokesman for Iran's foreign ministry, Ramin Mehmanparast, told reporters in Tehran that the allegation was "absolutely incorrect." Mehmanparast did not seem happy about the claims and called them straight-up fabrications. "Manufacturing such issues can only help divisions among Muslim countries and benefit the Zionist regime (Israel)," he said. Ah, and once again it comes back to Israel. Get off the Israeli obsession, Iran. This drama only contributes to the chaos in Egypt, which resulted in a decision by Saudi Arabia to recall its ambassador from Cairo Saturday after angry protests outside the Saudi embassy in Cairo over the arrest of an Egyptian human rights lawyer in the Gulf kingdom. As for Iran’s denials…..they would be more believable had the United States not accused despot Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and his sycophants of plotting to kill the Saudi ambassador to the U.S. back in October. Someone is especially assassination-happy these days…………

- Are they or aren’t they? Furthermore, who gives a damn either way? Those and other pressing questions are hanging in the air as rumors swirl that vapid, worthless reality TV tool Khloe Kardashian and husband/mentally unstable soon-to-be NBA free agent Lamar Odom have "pulled the plug" on their E! reality show, “Khloe & Lamar.” The rumors broke Monday and for the first few hours, the rumor was that they were merely going on hiatus and would consider reviving the series sometime in the future. "Our show is not cancelled," Kardashian said. "Lamar and I have chosen to take a break this summer. We've been on a whirlwind doing back-to-back shows, and we just want to take a little time off for Lamar to be with family time, kids, basketball, Olympics -- you never know. So, we have a lot on our plate right now." To translate: Our lives are a train wreck, having cameras film your every move is annoying and my husband is a basket case who quit on and was effectively fired by his NBA team. We need some time to sort this out.” Odom, the aforementioned quitter, added, "The issue at hand is we just want to be happy. We'll take our time and we'll get back to it when it's time." Great, but where will the world go to see a 6-foot-10 dude and his, um, not thin wife improperly install and break a sex swing in the meantime? Oh, and what will two clearly self-absorbed people do without TV cameras around all the time? Considering they have been married for nearly three years and never taken a honeymoon, that would be a good place to start. Oh, and Odom could pretend he actually cares about his basketball career too………..