HGH testing in baseball, dorks whine about mainstream attention and what's about to up the price of an eight ball of coke

- It may not be HGH testing at the highest level of the game, but the implementation of random blood testing for human growth hormone in the minor leagues is a good start. Major League Baseball implemented the random testing on Thursday, becoming the first professional sports league in the United States to take this particular step against doping. The testing falls under the umbrella of the Minor League Drug Prevention and Treatment Program, which Commissioner Bud Selig introduced in 2001 to test for performance-enhancing drugs. "The implementation of blood testing in the minor leagues represents a significant step in the detection of the illegal use of human growth hormone," Selig said in a statement. "HGH testing provides an example for all of our drug policies in the future." Here’s hoping, Bud. For a guy who has done astonishingly little to address one of the most pressing issues facing his sport until he was absolutely clubbed over the head with the reality of the matter, this is an encouraging move. Of course, minor league players can be tested for HGH without their consent because they are not members of the players' association, which means that blood testing is not subject to collective bargaining. Baseball will collect the samples after the games, which the blood being drawn by the National Center for Drug Free Sport, the organization that currently collects urine samples in the minor leagues. To ensure that as little potential for adverse effects is involved in the process, blood will be drawn from the non-dominant arm of players who are not members of a major league team's 40-man roster, then sent to a testing laboratory in Salt Lake City for analysis. "Seems like a positive step for the game," Tigers president and general manager Dave Dombrowski observed. In assessing the implementation of HGH testing, Dr. Gary Green, the medical director for Major League Baseball, called the testing "a major development in the detection of a substance that has previously been undetectable. The combination of widespread availability and the lack of detection have led to reports of use of this drug amongst athletes. This is the first generation of HGH testing and Major League Baseball will continue to fund the Partnership for Clean Competition for ongoing research to refine testing procedures in this area." Well said, good doctor. Players and unions that fight for their right not to be tested for any drug that could possibly boost their performance the way HGH can should be ashamed of themselves and questioned intensely as to why they are so protective of their right to cheat………

- Leave it to dorks to complain when they finally gain some mainstream acceptance. For years, these four-eyed freaks who ventured out of their basements for one weekend to travel to San Diego and congregate with their fellow nerds in a giant convention center filled with comic books had Comic-Con all to themselves and the outside world kept its distance. It became a pilgrimage for these dorks and made them feel mildly normal for a few days. However, the convention has grown in popularity as the years have gone by and as “outsiders” have found their way inside, the event has gone from a nerd fest to a place where comic-themed TV shows and movies come to push their new projects, those looking to let out their inner nerd for a weekend yet remain cool in the process flock and the truly nerdy are once again on the outside looking in. This year, there will be panels called "I Can't Write, I Can't Draw, But I Love Comics!" and "Indie Comics Marketing 101" taking place alongside "USA Network's 'Psych' " and "Aloha, Earth!" a panel about CBS' upcoming remake of "Hawaii Five-0." How any of this is true to the original spirit of the event, I have no idea. A glut of panels movie and TV properties with no sci-fi or comic book elements seems wrong to even me and I’ve never actually read a real comic book. These panels draw huge crowds, often squeezing out the very dorks who have been the lifeblood of the convention since its inception. Another part of this year’s event sure to rankle the faithful is the inclusion of Fox’s song-and-dance drama “Glee,” which has as little to do with comic books as anything on the agenda. Some comic book dorks are treating Comic-Con like the hipster fan of a rising indie rock band that suddenly hits the mainstream and becomes the flavor of the month: abandoning it and turning on what they once love because it’s no longer their secret little treasure that no one else knows about. Hearing these nerds whine about the invasion of their prized getaway is akin to rich, snobby people lamenting the revelation of their longtime vacation destination as a great place to visit that is suddenly swamped by everyone taking a summer vacation. Way to show that what you really, truly want is to be forever ostracized and mocked, dorks………

- Dammit, this is not going to help drive down the price of an eight ball of coke from my neighborhood dealer! I realize that a former front commander in Colombia's main leftist rebel group being sentenced to 27 years in prison for conspiring to import tons of cocaine into the United States might seem like something you want to celebrate, but don’t be so quick to blow up those balloons and toss the confetti. Sure, Gerardo Aguilar Ramirez was extradited to the United States in July 2009 on hostage-taking conspiracy charges and subsequently acknowledged that he was the commander of a FARC unit that manufactured and distributed "ton quantities of cocaine, knowing and intending that the cocaine would be imported in the United States," but let’s look a little closer. First, how trustworthy a source is the U.S. attorney for the Southern District of New York? But even if this attorney is telling the truth, at what cost does this conviction come? Here’s a guy who risked life and limb to deliver the drugs that a nation of junkies, addicts and degenerates want and we’re hauling him across borders and throwing him in jail? How is average Joe Crackhead supposed to afford his supply for his week if the price keeps going up because of the danger involved in being in the drug business? While you rush to battle the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia, or FARC, these are the questions you need to ask yourself, U.S. State Department. Classifying FARC as a foreign terrorist organization is one thing, but trying to shut down their drug operations is something else entirely. Ramirez was sentenced in a District of Columbia federal court and could very well die in federal prison. He was brought down by an investigation conducted under the auspices of the Department of Justice's Organized Crime Drug Enforcement Task Force Program. He was also sold out by his own government, which provided unprecedented cooperation to the DOJ during the process. "The incarceration of narco-terrorists like Aguilar Ramirez helps to choke the international drug trade," said Manhattan U.S. Attorney Preet Bharara. "This office will continue to work with our partners at the (Drug Enforcement Administration) to incapacitate dangerous narco-terrorists who seek to pour drugs into the United States." Exactly. That right there is the problem and I’m the only one who seems to realize it. Aguilar Ramirez was the commander of the "FARC's 1st Front" and was ultimately responsible for all of that front's criminal activities, so having him in jail is going to put a major crimp in its drug operations. Guess I should stock up on blow now before the price inevitably surges based on this horrible development………

- Nice of you to finally get around to settling a giant fraud case that screwed over your customers, Dell. The maker of subpar computers running the world’s crappiest operating system (Microsoft Windows) has agreed to pay $100 million to settle fraud charge from the Securities and Exchange Commission, concluding a five-year old case that has been a thorn in the company’s side and hung like a back cloud over its chief executive, Michael Dell. According to the SEC, Dell did not disclose to its investors "large exclusivity payments" that chipmaking giant Intel made to Dell in exchange for Dell's agreement not use chips made by rival chipmaker AMD. Basically, Dell agreed not to have open competition for the chips it used, which theoretically would have resulted in lower prices. What’s amazing is that these payoffs were so large that they made up 76 percent of Dell's operating income in the first quarter of 2007, and double-digit percentages of its earnings in several other quarters. "It was these payments, rather than the company's management and operations, that allowed Dell to meet its earnings targets," the SEC said in a written statement. In its findings, the SEC stated that founder Michael Dell, along with several other high-ranking company executives, were complicit in the disclosure violations. To settle those charges, Michael Dell agreed to pay a $4 million settlement out of his own personal funds. Somehow, the company decided several months ago that in spite of being a prime target of the investigation and clearly having done a lot of unethical and repugnant things, Dell would be allowed to continue as CEO and chairman of the board. Right, because that sounds like just the sort of man I want running my company. The fact that this investigation dragged on for five years isn’t surprising because a) a government agency was involved and b) Dell was clearly looking to drag its feet as long as possible, but after Dell acknowledged accounting irregularities in a 2008 internal audit, you’d think the case would have wrapped up by, say, the end of 2009……….

- Any time that anyone, anywhere in the world wants to sue that d-bag Simon Cowell, they have my full support. I don’t care what the lawsuit is for or whether it has any actual merit; just sue the jackass responsible for creating the abortion that is American Karaoke and numerous other reality singing shows, perpetrating one of the worst crimes ever committed on the music industry. The particular suit I’m referring to here is a £2.5 million ($3.8 million) suit by a former contestant on the U.K. version of his "Got Talent" show. Cowell and his show are being sued by contestant Emma Amelia Pearl Czikai, who appeared in an edition of "Britain's Got Talent" broadcast by ITV1 in May 2009. Her claim, ironically enough, is that she was humiliated and degraded on the show. Hilarious, right? Isnt that what people sign up for when they agree to bastardize their musical integrity, er, um, appear on one of Cowell’s shows? Czikai must not have known that because she filed her complaint of unfairness and discrimination with the employment tribunal in January. The case became public following a pre-trial review at the central London tribunal court Wednesday. Perhaps seeking further humiliation and degradation, Czikai represented herself before the panel and accused the show and its judges of "exploitation, humiliation, degradation and barbarism." Barbarism is a new one, but she wasn’t done. Czikai also claimed the show was guilty of disability discrimination because it did not make adjustments for her, such as lowering the level of backing music and microphone levels. Umm, I’m not sure failing to compensate for your total lack of musical skill is discrimination, but whatever. This chick is basically rattling off a list of 9/10 of what is wrong with Cowell’s shows and all she’s missing is the murder good music by glorified karaoke singers and the affront of picking a recording artist on a reality show. "This program makes a select number of rich people very, very rich on the backs of the ordinary man and woman in the street through exploitation, humiliation, degradation and a re-emergence of modern-day barbarism with all its inherent cruelty," Czikai said. And that inherent cruelty extends to anyone who has ever seen, heard or been subjected to a conversation about any of Cowell’s shows. So while this may not reach my goal of suing Cowell and anyone ever associated with American Karaoke in even the most tangential of ways, it’s a nice step forward. Perhaps a woman suffering from cervical spine neuritis, which can cause head and shoulder pain, can engender some sympathy and score a big win here………

USC's Reggie Bush cleansing, Facebook hits 500 million users and a cop fired for pic with a midget porn star

- USC may have returned its copy of Reggie Bush’s 2005 Heisman Trophy in light of Bush’s revelation as a greedy scumbag who made himself ineligible and cost his team wins, money and reputation by breaking NCAA rules on improper gifts and benefits, but as of now, Bush is still the official Heisman winner for the year. The decision on ripping that honor from Bush, now a member of the New Orleans Saints, rests with the Heisman Trophy Trust. The trust says it will "consider the issues" raised surrounding USC's decision to return its copy of the Heisman Trophy and determine whether or not it might strip Bush of the award all together. The group skipped will hold a previously scheduled meeting next Tuesday, but in advance of that meeting released a statement that did not address what action it might or might not take with regard to Bush's copy of the award. Previously, members of the trust stated that they may review Bush’s status only if he were ruled ineligible by the NCAA. "The Trust will be considering the issues raised in the USC/Reggie Bush matter, and after reaching a decision will publish it, but due to the complex issues involved and the Trust's desire to reach an appropriate decision, no definitive timetable has been established," the trust said. "Until the matter has been fully considered and a decision is reached, the Trust has no further comment." For its part in the matter, you can see where USC would want to be rid of its copy of the award. The school wants no indication anywhere on campus that Bush ever attended there or played football for the Trojans. Murals at Heritage Hall featuring images of Bush have been taken down, references to him in the media guide will be removed and now the Heisman is gone as well. Of course, no one wants reminders of the guy who was primarily responsible for their program being hit with four years' probation, a two-year bowl ban and severe football scholarship restrictions. Sure, the men’s basketball program was just as corrupt around the same time and O.J. Mayo of the basketball team rivaled Bush in his greed and lack of integrity, but the basketball program didn’t win a national championship or have one of its players named the best in all of the sport during the time period in question. USC will now attempt to rebuild its tarnished reputation under the leadership of new athletic director Pat Haden, who said the school's plan to get rid of nearly all references to Bush and Mayo are all part of the NCAA's directive to disassociate the school from the athletes. If I’m Bush right about now, I’m shipping that Heisman off to a safety deposit box in the Grand Caymans right about now because it would seem to be only a matter of time before the Heisman Trust comes knocking on his door looking to repossess it………..

- And the unseemly growth of Facebook keeps on rising, now reaching the point where its “population” is larger than that of the U.S., Mexico and France combined. Long entrenched as the world largest social networking site, Mark Zuckerberg’s creation is kicking the cyber-crap out of pedophile haven MySpace and other competitors and announced Wednesday that it has reached a widely anticipated milestone, signing up its 500 millionth user. Zuckerberg made the announcement in a blog post and admitted he "could have never imagined all of the ways people would use Facebook when we were getting started 6 years ago." As a quick aside, Facebook was a lot better before the site opened up to anyone and everyone with an email account. When you had to have a college .edu email address to sign up and soccer moms and accountants in their mid-40s with three kids and a mortgage, grandparents and fifth graders couldn’t sign up for an account, Facebook was a lot cooler and a lot more fun of a place to be. Now it’s basically MySpace without the personalized page designs. Still, the site’s popularity is steadily rising and to thank all of the users who made the 500 million mark possible, Zuckerberg thanked Facebookers in a video message, telling them "you really have created a worldwide movement." To mark the occasion and the international popularity that made it possible, Facebook launched a new application Wednesday called Facebook Stories, an app lets users share their own stories and read others' posts, filtered by theme and geographic location. To illustrate how quickly the site is growing at this point, understand that it took Facebook nearly four years to add its first 100 million users, but only five months to add its most recent group of 100 million. For those who think it’s an American phenomenon first and foremost, know that 70 percent of the current user base comes from outside the U.S. But however you slice it, there’s no denying that Facebook is gradually taking over the social networking world………

- It’s a story that’s too good to make up. A police officer loses his job after abandoning his patrol to go see a midget porn star at a strip club appearance. Even if you wanted to craft an absurd plot for the next Judd Apatow film, this one would seem too absurd to consider. Richard Bennett of Stoughton, Mass. is the officer in question and Bennett has resigned after he was accused of deserting his patrol to have his picture taken with 3’9 porn stat "Bridget the Midget." After being confronted with allegations that he left his patrol to have a picture taken with Bridget, Bennett tendered his resignation even though police chief Paul Shastany admitted the officer’s actions didn’t break any laws. “There was information that just by nature of her stature that he wanted to see her,” said Shastany. Clearly, the allure of a little person appearing at the gentleman's club Alex's was just too much to resist. “He went and had a photograph taken with himself and this performer while he was in uniform. He didn’t enter the club, but what that did is it portrayed the police department in a very poor position,” Shastany stated. Bennett was sold out by some of his fellow officers and allegedly lied to internal investigators when he was confronted on the incident. “He attended a resignation and admitted there was some fabrications and lies, it was a severe case of bad judgment,” Shastany explained. Oh, how I would have loved to be inside this guy’s head when he was making this decision. “Gosh, I know I’m supposed to be serving and protecting the community, stopping crime and protecting the good citizens of Stoughton, but dammit, Bridget the Midget is going on stage soon at Alex’s and this might be my only chance to get a picture with her. Should I go or not? Ah, screw it. I’m going, it’ll be worth it!” As it turns out, that picture with a pint-sized porn star is all Bennett has to show for his two years with the police department. Sure, prior to this incident, Bennett had been given special recognition for his work on a murder case, but this black mark on his record and another reprimand for altering his weapon will overshadow any good he has done going forward. Even though residents describe him as a friendly officer and a good family man, those kind words won't pay the bills. The only solace for Bennett? He’ll now have more free time on his hands to go see Bridget the Midget when she returns to Alex’s next month………

- And the hits just keep on coming for the French national soccer team. After crashing and burning in the World Cup, going winless and failing to advance out of the group stage of soccer’s biggest event, turning out their coach and refusing to practice before their final match, come to find out that losing soccer games might have been the most positive thing a few of their players have done of late. Players Franck Ribery and Karim Benzema and Ribery's brother-in-law have been formally accused by police of soliciting an underage prostitute. None of the three men have been charged or arrested just yet and Ribery’s attorney argued Wednesday that there is "no evidence" her client ever knew that the hooker was underage. That hasn’t stopped police from opening and investigation into the matter, which began earlier this year after police raided a night club near the Champs Elysees in central Paris and detained 18 girls on suspicion of prostitution. One of the girls they detained, Zahia Dehar, appeared on the cover of Paris Match in April and claimed that she turned tricks with several players on the national team, including Ribery, whom she had met at the club. She admitted that she did not tell the players that she was younger than 18 when they had sex and in an initial court hearing on the case, Ribery admitted he had sex with Dehar. “He is innocent until proven guilty," Ribery's lawyer, Sophie Bottai, said Wednesday. "I am sure the investigation will prove that Ribery was never aware of her age." However, there is the matter of that plane ticket that Ribery allegedly bought for Dehar. Buying the ticket could have provided Ribery with a chance to view her passport and learn her real age, but Bottai said he did not personally book the ticket and never saw her passport. "There is no evidence that he was ever aware of her age," Bottai said. "She told him she was 20 years old." Ah, the old “hooker lied to me about her age” defense. The same vaunted legal strategy currently being employed by the legal team for disgraced NFL legend Lawrence Taylor. Not that most French soccer fans take as much offense to this case as they do their team’s World Cup performance, but it is another black eye for a team that was in the World Cup final just four short years ago. French team director Jean-Louis Valentin may have publicly announced his resignation and French President Nicolas Sarkozy may have launched an investigation into the World Cup debacle, but I tend to believe that players screwing an underage prostitute can take any situation to a sickening new low………

- No longer satisfied with the shallow, ignorant and inane chatter offered up each weekday by the ladies of ABC’s “The View?” If it’s alternative you’re looking for, look no further than CBS, which has announced it has ordered a new daytime talk show co-hosted by Julie Chen, Sara Gilbert, Sharon Osbourne, Holly Robinson Peete, Leah Remini, and Marissa Jaret Winokur for the upcoming fall season. That sounds like an most bizarre and potentially horrible mix of personalities possible, so maybe it will bear watching for the three or four weeks it will be on the air before its inevitable cancellation. You have the unstable wife of one of the most drugged-out rock legends of all time, the host of one of the worst reality shows on television (“Big Brother,” in which a dozen or so strangers live in a house erected on a sound stage and compete in challenges known to involve oversized croquet mallets and golf clubs or flying food), an actress from one of CBS’ numerous, horrible half-hour sitcoms and two actresses from long-forgotten sitcoms of decades past who are no longer relevant or interesting. The format of the show is designed to mirror that of “The View,” with the co-hosts discussing various current events. The hook is that the women, who all have children, will be discussing the issues from a motherhood point of view, CBS says. The show will also have the added burden of angry soap opera fans who want to see it fail because it’s taking the spot of outgoing soap “As the World Turns.” In addition to the chatty ladies debating the issues, the show will also feature interviews with big-name entertainers and newsmakers. Gilbert will not only be a host for the show, she will also be its executive producer. “Daytime is an evolving daypart with more variety now among soap operas, game and talk shows,” said Barbara Bloom, CBS’ Senior Vice President of Daytime, said in a statement. “We were looking for a new format that would speak to the core audience but also have the topical and entertainment value to go even broader. This panel is not a bashful bunch; they are outspoken on any issue you put on the table. It promises to be an hour of television with timely discussions, unfiltered opinions and a lot of personality.” Well, if nothing else, at least this is a better option than the show CBS recently rejected that was a pilot featuring Kate Gosselin and Food Network star Paula Deen………..

Soccer goes soccer, why we love combat sports and when Hugo Chavez wants to crash your party

- The World Cup is done and surprise of all surprises, soccer has not suddenly taken over the American sports scene. Americans are back to caring about NFL training camps, the Major League Baseball pennant races and the upcoming college football season. Meanwhile, soccer is back to doing what it does: being irrelevant in the U.S. and acting a fool everywhere else. Perhaps no one is a better example of this than Paraguayan soccer player Jose Pedroso, who quit the Santiago (Chile) club Rangers after grabbing a referee around the throat and trying to choke him during a weekend match in Chile’s second division. According to Elias Vistoso, president of the second-division Rangers, the defender left following the incident Saturday against Concepcion. “We know the (league) punishment awaiting him will not be small,” Vistoso said. Hours after the incident took place and Pedroso went Latrell Sprewell, video of the attempted choking was posted on YouTube. Why was Pedrsoso so angry? Well, Miranda did make Concepcion take a penalty kick four times, waving off attempts because of infractions. After making the aborted first attempt and missing the next two, Concepcion made the last kick and that led Pedroso to bum rush Miranda after the referee showed him a second yellow card for a violent tackle. I suppose that if you’ve already been ejected from the game, you might figure you have nothing left to lose. As soccer referees do, Miranda approached Pedroso to administer the yellow card and it was at that point Pedroso slipped behind him and grabbed the referee around the neck. He briefly released his kung fu death grip but was soon back to chasing Miranda before being wrestled to the ground by teammates. “I’m not the least bit sorry,” Pedroso was quoted saying after the incident. Glad to see that you haven’t forgotten who you are just because you achieved some added notoriety with the World Cup, soccer……..

- So what exactly is the allure of mixed martial arts, boxing or any other contact sports in which competitors are beaten, bloodied and bludgeoned while the crowd roars its approval? According to stduies done by researchers like Paul Boxer, assistant professor of psychology at Rutgers University, the fascination stems from a) the excitement and b) "forbidden fruit" factor. "There's a rubbernecking syndrome," the aptly named Boxer said . "When you see a body splayed out, you couldn't help it. You had to see." While such sports are increasingly profitable, they are also proving to be increasingly dangerous and in some cases, lethal to participants. Advocates of mixed martial arts would contend that the skill and discipline of their sport is also a big draw, an argument that Ultimate Fighting Championships president Dana White would support. "Everyone loves a fight," White argued via e-mail. "It's in our DNA. The example I like to use is that if you're in an intersection and there's a basketball game on one corner, a soccer game on another, a baseball game on the third, and a fight on the fourth, everyone will go watch the fight. And that's not only true, but it's something that cuts across all demographic and geographic barriers.” Wrong and wrong, Dana. If I’m in that situation, I’m going to the basketball game first, the baseball game second, the soccer game third and if all of those are utterly unwatchable contests, maybe I catch a few minutes of the fight. Not everyone likes seeing dudes get the crap kicked out of them and as much as I respect MMA fighters, I don’t enjoy watching guys beaten to a bloody pulp. "This is a contact sport, just like football, hockey, boxing, and basketball are, yet we take pride in the fact that there has never been a death or serious injury, outside of a broken arm or leg, in the history of the UFC. What the sport does promote is discipline, sportsmanship and hard work, all elements necessary for a fighter to be successful here," White continued. No doubt. I don’t dispute that MMA involves a great deal of discipline and hard work, but that doesn’t mean I enjoy it. Violence of entertainment is nothing new and has been going on since the Roman empire, when gladiator matches and other spectacles in the arena were fodder for the masses. However, the increasing size, strength and power of today’s athletes makes such sports a much more dangerous proposition and I don’t agree with White that a fatatily in the ring is such a far-fetched conclusion……..

- I smell trouble. It’s never a good thing when Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez wants to crash your party and sure enough, that’s exactly what he wants to do with opposition broadcaster Globovision. Chavez and his administration announced Tuesday that they will name a government representative to the board of Globovision and that the move is required because the state is now a minority shareholder of Globovision. Chavez claimed the government claims ownership of 25.8 percent of the shares of the company that were owned by two companies that the government took over. It’s quite convenient that the government will now have a voice in running a media outlet that has the balls to step up and criticize it, to the point that part og me thinks the government purchased these two companies with this end result in mind. One of the companies is Banco Federal, a failed bank that was owned by Nelson Mezerhane before the government took it over. Mezerhane's bank, which owned a 20 percent stake in Globovision, now belongs to the government, as do the shares. A second, unidentified company that the government also claims to have taken over owned a 5.8 percent share, meaning that together, the government's stake in Globovision is large enough to name a representative to its board - according to Chavez. "We're obligated," Chavez said. "It's not that we want to or don't want to." Oh jeez, could that be a bigger lie? Who’s more full of crap than Chavez right now? Like this guy doesn’t relish the chance to plant one of his own on the board of one of his most vocal critics. However, Globovision isn’t taking this one sitting down. It issued a statement on air Tuesday, stating that the only way that a new member of the board can be chosen is by approval of 55 percent or more of the shareholders. "Beyond the people who may be sitting on its board, the editorial line of Globovision has no percentage of shares. The editorial policy of Globovision cannot be expropriated or intervened," the statement said. This marks the latest chapter in the battle with Chavez and Globovision, with Globovision owner Guillermo Zuloaga currently wanted in Venezuela for allegedly illegally storing vehicles at his Caracas home with the intent to sell them for a profit. Nothing like the possibility of returning home to a) face criminal charges and b) find out that the man you so loathe as a ruler of your country now has one of his sycophants as member of your board of directors……….

- This will teach 78-year-old James Wankel of Phoenix to run outside with no shoes on. Wankel suffered second-degree burns to his feet on Saturday after walking outside without any shoes on in a futile attempt to try and catch the mailman. Like many old people, seeing the mail delivered, interacting with the mailman and retrieving the mail from the box is probably the highlight of this guy’s day, so you can see where he might get excited. However, it is Phoenix and it is summer time, which means the temperature outside is likely to be in the triple digits and going barefoot could literally burn the skin right off your feet. Wankel actually made it halfway across the street before the intense heat and resulting pain crippled him and brought him to his knees. “I couldn't stand up. The pain was so bad in my feet,” said Wankel. His neighbor, Terri Cryan, saw Wankel fall down and she and her sister ran over to help him. “By the time he turned around he couldn't run back to the grass. So he fell down and then he's burning his knees and his hands so we had to, both of us, had to pick him up by his arms and then run him to the grass,” Cryan said. That did little to ease Wankel’s pain and he was taken to the Arizona Burn Center at Maricopa Medical Center. “Both the right and the left feet had blistered all the way across the balls of my feet,” Wankel stated. Next time, put on some shoes or just relax and realize that the delivery of your mail is not that big an occurrence to where you need to go sprinting out into the street. Chill out, take your time and put some shoes on before you venture out into the hot, hot heat……….

- After being deemed too controversial to air on television, an episode of Fox’s adult cartoon Family Guy will finally be seen……on DVD. A show that has taken shots at so many figures and personalities crossed a line that Fox would not support in an episode, entitled “Partial Terms of Endearment,” in which mom Lois considers having an abortion. The producers of the show had to live with the network’s decision not to air the episode in which Lois is carrying as a surrogate for friends who are then killed in a car accident and is uncertain about whether or not she wants to keep the child. At the time, the network felt the episode was simply too controversial to air and made the decision to kill it. While the show has never shied away from prickly topics and has mocked public figures like Sarah Palin, the decision rested solely in the hands of Fox executives on this one and they made the choice not to air the episode. However, the episode will be included when 20th Century Fox Home Entertainment releases the season on DVD this September. Those who wanted to see the episode on air will now have the chance to watch it and deliver their own verdict on whether it’s funny, appropriate or acceptable. Oh, and I’m sure that the network is in no way looking to drum up publicity and attention for the DVD release of the season by playing up this controversy and making it as much of an issue as possible………

Soccer to consider replay for goals, advice for that tool Spencer Pratt and a bad day for illegal immigrants

- Finally, soccer is getting around to what other sports have embraced and used to improve their games exponentially: replay technology. After numerous, blatant blown calls in this summer’s World Cup that led to goals being disallowed or not counted, soccer’s governing body may finally be coming around on the issue of replay. Adding goal-line video technology to games will be on FIFA's agenda for its October meeting, although it would have been even better for soccer's governing body to have its rule-making panel discuss the issue at its meeting this week. The International Football Association Board meets in Cardiff, Wales, on Wednesday but will have a very short agenda, namely the continuing experiment with extra assistant referees behind the goals. Video replay for goals will have to wait for a few months, at which point the organization will hear data from a trial run for the video system in last season's Europa League. FIFA president Sepp Blatter said that goal-line technology would be considered while also offering up belated, worthless apologies to England and Mexico for the officiating errors that helped eliminate them from the World Cup. Both of those nations would probably be supportive of adding an extra set of eyes to the equation, as would any country that enjoys the concept of having a goal credited to their score when they successfully advance the ball across the goal line marking the front of the opposing team’s net. Fact is, aside from Major League Baseball and the bass-ackwards idiots who run it, other sports have incorporated replay into their games on a substantial level and if soccer is truly the player it aspires to be on the international sports scene, it won't waste any additional time in following suit………

- I could have saved Spencer Pratt a lot of trouble and a few words (which have to be at a premium for him because he has an IQ of 17) with the following sentence he could have uttered to explain his divorce with vapid, surgically enhanced skank/ex-wife Heidi Montag: “I’m an ass hat.” Those four words sum up Pratt perfectly, but instead, he had to yammer on about why their marriage failed and his reasons are exactly what you’d expect to hear flying out of the pie hole of a self-absorbed, brain-dead tool who is publicly known only because of reality television. "We love each other but I'm a famewhore and I'll never grow out of it," Pratt stated. "She believes in bad press. There's no way my love for fame and her love for puppies will ever work out successfully. She just wants to hike and hang out and be calmer." Never has the term attention whore seemed like far too nice a way to describe someone as it does with Pratt. The levels on which it is possible to detest this fool are infinite and varied, so much so that he almost makes his troll of an ex-wife seem likeable by comparison - almost. "I want every kind of press," he stated. "[Heidi] knows that and doesn't want that." Perhaps proving that she’s every bit as moronic as the a-hole she married, Montag apparently thought that Pratt would eventually tire of constantly having cameras in his face. "She thought I'd burn out of this, but no, I'm still the same Spencer who went on 'The Hills' to be famous," he says. "I still need to do stunts and take cues from Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise." Whoa there, champ. Ease up on likening yourself to guys with actual acting talent who have contributed works of value to society, albeit in the form of bloated blockbusters and jumping on couches. However, thanks for confirming what all of us already knew, namely that everyone who appears on a reality show for even one second is a worthless, parasitic attention whore with no talent and no ambition in this world beyond fame. Now if you and that ugly-ass beard of yours are done talking, please go get yourself Botoxed or tummy-tucked again because the more plastic surgeries you have, the higher your chances of dying on the operating table and trust me when I say that the world will be a better place without you………

- Illegal immigrants, it’s go time, b’otches! Starting in August, the United State will be deploying U.S. National Guard forces along the U.S. border with Mexico and those guardsmen will be fully trained and deployed by the end of the month, government officials announced Monday. For an entire year, 1,200 Army and Air National Guard troops will be in place for a year to assist the Border Patrol in monitoring and capturing all you border crashers looking to cash in on free health care and other perks and benefits that come with being a resident of these here United States. The addition of the National Guard units is a temporary measure, a "gap-filler" while the Customs and Border Patrol agency hires additional staff to lock down the almost 2,000-mile long southern border with Mexico. Troops will come from the four border states of California, Arizona, New Mexico and Texas and all will be fully trained and in place in by September 1, according to Gen. Craig McKinley, commander of the National Guard. The Guard units will focus primarily on looking for the illegal border crossers and smugglers as well as in intelligence gathering while leaving the actual law enforcement activities such as arrests of illegal immigrants to the Border Patrol. Oh, and the soldiers will be armed as well, albeit under limited by rules of engagement that allow them to shoot only to defend themselves. The deployment comes as part of President Barak Obama's border plan announced in late May. The $500 million he requested at the time to stem the flow of illegals across the border is still tied up in legislative red tape, but at least those guarding the border will be getting some much-needed assistance. There will also be additional aircraft sent to the Tucson sector of the border to combat recent increases in human trafficking and border crashing. In other words your fight to jump the border and have your soon-to-be-born kids in the U.S. so they can receive (undeserved) status as American citizens just got tougher, compadres………

- Maybe I’m just a complainer, but I think we really should be working on ways to eliminate mosquitoes all together and not just trying to find ways to create so-called "malaria-proof" species of those pests that show up to suck your blood while you try to enjoy a beautiful summer night in the great outdoors. But instead of heeding my call, a team of scientists led by University of Arizona professor Michael Riehle have engineered a genetic "on" switch that permanently activates a malaria-destroying response in mosquitoes. All of the data is in their depressing report in the journal Public Library of Science Pathogens. The argument by the researchers is that if these mosquitoes are successfully introduced into the wild, they could prevent millions of people from becoming infected with life-threatening Plasmodium -- the parasite that causes malaria. "We were surprised how well this works," Riehle said. "We were just hoping to see some effect on the mosquitoes' growth rate, lifespan or their susceptibility to the parasite. But it was great to see that our construct blocked the infection process completely." It’s a nice sentiment to be sure, especially in light of the fact that 250 million people are infected by the four kinds of Plasmodium each year. The infections occur when female Anopheles mosquitoes, looking to suck blood to feed their offspring, ingests an average of 40 Plasmodium parasites, which then develop and then make their way to the mosquito's salivary glands, where they sit, ready to infect the insect’s next victim. The scientists targeted a specific gene impacting the mosquito’s longevity, immune system and digestion and came up with a treatment that they believe could address the problem. In mosquitoes with the enhanced version of the Akt gene, researchers found no trace of the malaria parasites. However, any excitement over the research must be tempered with the fact that this new treatment is nowhere near being ready for use in the field. "We are at least a decade away from actually releasing mosquitoes into the wild," Riehle admitted. In the meantime, how’s about we work on ways to exterminate mosquitoes and that way, the issue of making them malaria-proof becomes irrelevant……….

- Pretty much anything that happens in Israel, from the smallest detail to the largest policy decision, sparks massive controversy. The breakfast choice of a Jerusalem rabbi could spark a major incident, so it almost goes without saying that the Israeli cabinet deciding to approve a provision that would require all prospective citizens living in Israel illegally to swear allegiance to a "Jewish democratic state" is going to touch off a huge crap storm. Right there to tout the law was Israeli prime minister Binyamin Netanyahu, who said on Sunday that the law would preserve Israel's "Jewish and democratic character". Lining up to oppose the new law are numerous human rights groups who have condemned it because they claim it would make it more difficult for Palestinians to obtain Israeli citizenship. Media outlets in Jerusalem have alleged that the measure was designed to make it more difficult for Palestinians married to Israeli Arabs to obtain citizenship, but “dangerous” and “racist” are two of the terms being thrown around to describe the measure, which is actually an amendment to the Citizenship and Entry into Israel Law passed in 2003. That law basically makes it impossible for Palestinians to obtain Israeli citizenship. Ironically, the law was originally passed as a temporary emergency measure, but the Knesset has repeatedly extended it in the face of vociferous opposition from groups outside the government. Under the law, many Palestinians married to Israelis essentially live in Israel illegally. The group calling the newest amendment "dangerous" and "racist" would be Israel's Association for Civil Rights. Other groups say that the changes will prevent families from reunifying and force non-Jews to embrace Zionism, with numerous editorials and opinion pieces against the measures running the day after its announcement. Coupled with this controversial decision is a plan by the Israeli government to seize thousands of abandoned properties in occupied East Jerusalem. Yehuda Weinstein, the Israeli attorney general, told the supreme court that the government intends to seize land from people who fled Israel when it became an independent state in 1948 and that land owned by Palestinians who live in the occupied West Bank or the Gaza Strip could be included. Now it’s up to the court to approve or reject the seizure, but either way, it’s bound to piss off a lot of people………

Getting serious about safe sex, how to pass time in South Bend and weekend movie news

- Some people are just more serious about safe sex than others. Take, for example, the suspect now being sought by police in Indianapolis who stole several boxes of condoms from a grocery store on Indianapolis' north side, fighting with a security guard as he left. The Marsh grocery store on Broad Ripple Avenue was the scene on Tuesday night and according to a store security guard, that he saw a man come into the store and head straight for the condom aisle. That caught the guard’s attention because condoms had been stolen from the store in a previous incident and he didn’t want a repeat occurrence on his watch. So when he saw the suspect "take several condom boxes and place them inside his pants," (maybe getting a head start on the process?), the guard attempted to stop the man, described as black, in his mid 40s, 6 feet tall and 240 pounds. The confrontation took place at the front of the store and the two men began brawling over the stolen condoms. The fight spilled out into the parking lot and somehow, the thief was able to gain the upper hand and break free. He ran to his car, fired it up and drove away. Despite reviewing video of the incident, police aren’t sure who the suspect is or how many boxes of condoms he stole. The guard sustained minor injuries in the fight, but at this point is probably more embarrassed about not being able to stop an overweight, out-of-shape condom thief from raiding the shelves of his store………

- Have police in South Bend, Ind. ever seen South Bend? Because if they had, I have a sneaking suspicion that they wouldn’t be quite so hard on the 11 Notre Dame athletes they arrested on misdemeanor charges of underage drinking at a party Friday night. Among those arrested was Nate Montana, son of former Notre Dame standout Joe Montana. All told, 44 people were arrested after city police responded to a call about a fight near a roadway and discovered the party. St. Joseph County Police assistant chief Bill Redman stated that two non-athletes face a misdemeanor charge of providing alcohol to minors, while the others face charges of underage consumption. Now, I have been to South Bend and it’s a cool place because of the football history and tradition there, but God bless South Bend, it’s not an exciting or action-packed place. There aren’t tons of clubs or things to do and if you’re hanging around, taking summer school classes or working out to get ready for the upcoming football season, finding something to do for fun is going to be difficult. So if Nate Montana, a walk-on who was the backup to starter Dayne Crist coming out of the spring, and Tim Abromaitis, the second leading scorer on the Irish basketball team at 16.1 points a game last season, want to booze it up a little bit, then I’m not surprised. Also in on the fun were wide receivers Robbie Toma and Tai-ler Jones, linebacker Steve Filer, kicker Nick Tausch, cornerback Lo Wood, and offensive linemen Chris Watt and Tate Nichols; incoming freshman point guard Eric Atkins; and incoming hockey goalie Steven Summerhays. The true culprits here seem to be the two idiots who got drunk enough that they started a fight and led the cops to the party in the first place. Obviously, the athletes busted for underage drinking will be punished by their individual teams and probably won't get too much discipline, maybe a one-game suspension or something along those lines. Still, I can't help but think that maybe the less-than-thrilling nature of South Bend should serve as a mitigating factor here………

- For once, a movie that’s actually good won the weekend box office race. Inception, the mind-bendy heist film from director Christopher Nolan, raked in $60.4 million in its opening weekend to top the field. For such a twisted, complicated movie, it’s an impressive total. Second place went to Despicable Me, which scared up $32.7 million to put its ten-day stint at $118 million. In third place was another new release, The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, which grossed $17.3 million in a disappointing opening weekend. Unless the film kills it internationally, Nicolas Cage and Co. seem headed for a disappointing result for this one. On the heels of Sorcerer’s was The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, which earned another $13.5 million to put its total cumulative at $265 million and counting. That was enough to hold off another successful holdover, Toy Story 3, which 44 percent to gross $12 million and further strengthen its position as Pixar’s highest-grossing with $363 million. After that top five, it was Adam Sandler’s Grown Ups in the sixth slot after dropping only 37 percent its fourth weekend in theaters for an additional $10 million. The film, which has had a much more successful run than I ever would have anticipated, had now made nearly $129 million. The rest of the top 10 was filled out by: The Last Airbender (from director M. Night Shyamalan and earning $7.4 million its third weekend for a cumulative total of $115 million), Predators (bombing out with $6.8 million after a 73 percent drop from, its opening weekend), Knight & Day ($3.7 million) and The Karate Kid ($2.2 million, pushing its cumulative total to $169 million). The other noteworthy films for the weekend were Cyrus, starring John C. Reilly and Jonah Hill, and Lisa Cholodenko’s The Kids Are All Right, both of which came out in very limited release. Cyrus grossed $1 million in 446 theaters and The Kids Are All Right earned $1 million on only 38 theaters for a screen average of $27,000. But overall, a solid weekend at the box office with some good choices to spend your movie dollars on………

- A lot of people take shots at the NAACP and have a beef with the way the group does business, but not all of them are prominent members of a group of political agitators masquerading as a political party and seeking to overthrow our current political system. With that in mind, Tea Party activist Mark Williams probably should have thought his comments through before attacking the NAACP. In a blog post crafted in the form of a fictional (supposedly) letter to Abraham Lincoln, the conservative radio host wrote, "Dear Mr. Lincoln. We Coloreds have taken a vote and decided that we don't cotton to that whole emancipation thing. Freedom means having to work for real, think for ourselves, and take consequences along with the rewards. That is just far too much to ask of us Colored People and we demand that it stop! Bailouts are just big money welfare and isn't that what we want all Coloreds to strive for? What kind of racist would want to end big money welfare? What they need to do is start handing the bailouts directly to us coloreds!" Wow…..just wow. Even if you don’t like the NAACP, that is some messed up sh*t. Trying to include the fact that your quasi political party couldn't be racist because it opposed government bailouts for Wall Street banks and big corporations after those comments is as laughable and ridiculous as can be. Coming back after the fact and trying to argue that your post was intended as satire, then saying you weren’t going to talk about it any more and likening the resulting uproar to "a World Wrestling style personality conflict" is not exactly handling the matter well. The National Tea Party Federation, an organization that seeks to represent the Tea Party political movement around the country, doesn’t seem thrilled with Williams in light of the post. In fact, this group of tools expelled Williams and his Tea Party Express organization for the blog post. NAACP President Ben Jealous replied Williams' statement by proclaiming, "Good riddance, Mark Williams." As a quick aside, it does make sense for the Tea Party to kick Williams out. This is a group on the outside, the far reaches, of the American political system and with no real hope of affecting significant change within our system. The last thing it can afford is an ass hat like Williams spouting this kind of garbage………

- It’s the end of the road for the Nexus One, Google’s once highly anticipated smartphone. The Web giant has pulled the plug on the phone and the last shipment of the Nexus one has already arrived at the company’s headquarters. U.S. consumers who want a Nexus One will have to buy a phone from this shipment or miss their chance to own one. Well, either that or they will have to take to the friendly skies and head abroad to buy the handset from Vodafone in Europe and some Asian carriers. Additionally, developers will still be able to get their hands on one, but in the U.S. market, other phones like the Droid phones on Verizon will be the ones rocking Google’s Android mobile operating system. In short, the decision appears to deliver the final verdict on Google’s experiment with an unlocked consumer handset in the U.S and that verdict is simple: failure. Sales for the Nexus One have been incredibly disappointing and Google had already closed the Nexus One web store two months ago. The official announcement came on the company’s blog on Friday, but it was widely expected and thus generated little buzz. The failure of the Nexus One came in spite of its popularity with many tech dorks, but the idea of an unlocked handset just didn’t resonate with most American consumers. For its part, Google didn’t exactly throw a ton of marketing muscle behind the phone and thus bears some of the culpability for its demise……….

Kings of Leon v. The Man, Fidel Castro back to U.S. bashing, shrinkage in the Earth's thermosphere

- The struggle between artist and record label/management is a perpetual and difficult one. In an ideal musical world, the two sides are operating with two mutually exclusive purposes: the artist in a search to be creative, to produce great music and grow artistically, with the label concerned solely with finding as many ways as possible to squeeze profits out of the artist, creative integrity be damned. Of course, some artists alleviate this tension by simply selling out and going corporate, but thankfully there are still bands out there who hold true to their own muse and not the bottom line of management. I’m not sure that rockers Kings of Leon fall entirely into this category, but at the moment they seem to. As the band is out on the road this summer, they have been playing new, unreleased songs from their as-yet untitled and unscheduled fifth album. Teasing a song or two from a forthcoming album is one thing, but KOL has been playing significant chunks of the new album, a strategy that the label undoubtedly sees as a) risky and b) giving fans a little something free that they don’t deserve, in a sense. "If we were to go out there and play a concert and not play new music, it would feel like we had our hands tied, and I think we would be bored with the show," frontman Caleb Followill said in a recent interview, acknowledging that management would prefer the band not play the new material. "We didn't want to go back out there and give 'em the 'Only By the Night' tour, part two. It's inspiring to be able to go out there and play new songs...Not only are you testing the songs out on the crowd, but we have that, 'Oh, s***!' moment when we're looking at each other -- 'Are they gonna like this? Are they gonna sit down because it's not 'Use Somebody?'" Followill added. He went on to say that crowd reaction to the new material, which the band has gone on the record as labeling “darker” than their previous work, has been overwhelmingly positive. So far, KOL has premiered four songs slated for the new album, its first since 2008's platinum and Grammy Award-winning "Only By the Night." The new tunes have been identified with the working titles "Mary," "Immortals," "Radioactive" and "Southbound." As if those four songs hadn’t rankled the suits at the record label enough, Followill admitted that there's the possibility that -- with the band on the road until Sept. 23 in North America, plus a pair of V Festival performances Aug. 21-22 in the U.K. -- more might make their way into the set lists. "If it was up to us we'd play every one of them, the whole record, every night," he said. As a Kings of Leon fan and a fan of bands pushing themselves in new directions creatively, I am legitimately excited for the new album and love the fact that the band is sticking it to management in the process…………

- Welcome back to the world of U.S. hater-ation, Fidel Castro! Well, not that you ever truly left, but it’s been a while since we’ve seen the former Cuban dictator in a public setting to bash the United States. That hiatus ended earlier this week and on Friday, Castro appeared on the island's state-run television for the second time in less than a week, seizing upon the opportunity to rip blast U.S. foreign policy and warn against nuclear war in the Middle East. He took a seat beside Cuban Foreign Minister Bruno Rodriguez and address a crowd of a few dozen people at Cuba's Foreign Ministry in Havana, plus those watching via the magic of television. It’s a marked change from recent years, when the ailing former dictator suddenly became camera shy. All of a sudden, this guy is more of a camera whore than LeBron James and has made five public appearances in less than a week. He popped up at a dolphin show at Havana's aquarium on Thursday as well, so the guy is on some sort of, “Hey, I’m still alive!” publicity tour, I suppose. Castro hasn’t been in power (technically) since 2006, when illness forced him (supposedly) to cede the reins of power to his younger brother Raul. Now, no one believes that Raul is anything more than a puppet while Fidel remains the brains behind the operation, but nonetheless, Fidel has laid low the past four years - until this week, when he felt compelled to remind the world that he’s still alive, ticking and just as bitter at the U.S. as ever. He stopped by Cuba's evening television newscast on Monday, sat down for an interview and repeatedly bashed U.S. foreign policy with North Korea and in the Middle East and warned of a potential nuclear war with Iran. The next day, it was on to an economics institute for another speech. To add a happy boost to his publicity tour, Fidel Castro timed it with the first release of political prisoners to Spain, setting free a group of seven dissidents who were extremely outspoken against the Castro brothers and the condition of their imprisonment during a news conference in the Spanish capital on Thursday. So even if you are as angry, irrational and despotic as ever, it’s good to have you around again, Fidel, you and your hideous military outfits capped off by that world-class beard of yours………

- So guys getting out of the swimming pool aren’t the only ones who experience shrinkage, it would seem. According to researchers at NASA, an upper layer of Earth's atmosphere experiences the phenomenon as well and that layer has shrank so much that they are at a total loss when it comes to explaining the shrinkage. Known as the thermosphere, the layer blocks harmful ultraviolet rays. Its expands and contracts regularly due to the sun's activities, but never to this extreme. The increase of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere and the resulting cooling effect at high altitudes also contributes to the contraction, but even that isn’t sufficient to explain the extraordinary contraction. The contraction, though unlikely to affect the weather, can affect the movement of satellites. "This is the biggest contraction of the thermosphere in at least 43 years," John Emmert of the Naval Research Lab stated in NASA news report. Emmert, the lead author of a paper announcing the finding in the June 19 issue of the journal Geophysical Research Letters, seems extremely concerned about this development and its possible ramiprecussions. "We cannot explain the abnormally low densities, which are about 30 percent lower" than from previous contractions, Emmert worried. For the outer space ignorant among you, the thermosphere lies high above Earth's surface, close to where the atmosphere ends and space begins. It’s altitude is not fixed and can range from 55 to 370 miles above the ground. That’s real estate where meteors, auroras, space shuttles and the international space station tread. The layer’s importance is based largely on the fact that it interacts strongly with the sun and hence is greatly influenced by the sun's solar activity. Its collapse occurred during what's known as a "solar minimum" from 2007 to 2009, during which the sun plunged into an unprecedented low of inactivity. The positive news from all of this is, according to Emmert and his colleagues, the collapse of the thermosphere is unlikely to have a direct effect on our daily lives. "Debris that's up there stays up longer. The amount of orbital debris is a concern for space navigation. There is concern that space debris is building up," Emmert said. The change in the thermosphere could potentially affect other layers of the atmosphere, so maybe we do need to consult Al Gore on this after all. Now, I don’t know that we are to the point where Michael Moore should be called to film the requisite documentary, but at least keep him on speed dial for the time being………….

- Excuses rejected, New York Yankees. Whatever feeble story you’re selling for not being at the funeral of legendary Yankees broadcaster and public address announcer Bob Sheppard on Wednesday, I don’t accept it. Sure, the funeral came the day after the Sunday’s All-Star Game in Anaheim and players were scattered all over the country, but this one of those occasions that a) you cannot possibly be unaware of and b) have to make time for without excuse. Yet only Yankees general manager Brian Cashman, who delivered a eulogy, was a noteworthy member of the franchise at the funeral. Even team captain Derek Jeter, who has insisted that a taped recording of Sheppard introducing him be played before every at-bat at Yankee Stadium for the rest of his career, blew off the funeral. "To be quite honest with you, I didn't even know his funeral was yesterday,'' Jeter said on Friday. "Having said that, I don't necessarily think you have to go to a funeral to honor someone. I think a lot of players have honored him. It's the reason why I've recorded his voice throughout the years, and I'll continue to honor him every time I go to the plate for the rest of my career. But I was not aware of it and I don't know how many of the players were aware of it.'' Normally I would be the last guy to rip the Captain, who is as classy and dignified a superstar as there is in baseball, but wrong call, D.J. That is complete, utter and total bullsh*t. Playing a recording of the guy’s voice before your at-bats? That’s cool, but how the heck do you not know when the funeral of a dear friend is? Tell me that you knew Sheppard had passed away, because it was on every sports media outlet in the world. Knowing that and having been alive in this world for more than five years, you should then put two and two together and realize that the funeral would be some time in the days following the death. If you didn’t hear when the funeral would be, then wouldn’t you call whomever you had to in order to find out when it was? The lame excuse that you don’t have to go to a person’s funeral to honor them is as flimsy reason as I’ve ever heard. It’s one thing if you are in the military and stationed in some remote outpost halfway across the world, because then you might not be able to make it back for the funeral. But Jeter and his teammates were all less than three hours away from New York by plane and thus had every opportunity to make it back for the service. Then there was the bogus story floated out there that a bus carrying Yankees players to the funeral got stuck in traffic due to a fatal accident on a Long Island highway. Those reports were deemed false, according to a team spokesman. Another source close to the team was at a loss to explain why Jeter didn’t attend the funeral and why the false reports of the team bus to the service were being circulated. "I don't know why he didn't fly back to New York to attend the funeral," the source said. "We didn't organize any bus for the players," Yankee publicist Jason Zillo added. "I don't know about any bus." Ultimately, it’s a disappointing no-show and a surprising lack of class for a player and an organization that pride themselves on being classy and professional on the field and off it…………

- Any time you can do something kind for a member of the military, you do it. Those who give up so much to serve and protect their country deserve respect and a helping hand, so the decision by a Bellevue (Tenn.) bridal shop to give military spouses and fiancées across the Mid-South free wedding dresses is very cool in my book. Glitz Bridal and Formal has opened its doors to dozens of women and owner Ann Miller is doing so because she has a special military connection. "My son's name is Tyler Miller. He is Senior Airman in the Air Force stationed in Afghanistan. This is his second deployment," Miller explained. She hopes to give away 40 wedding dresses in four days as part of the Brides Across America program, which has given away 3,000 free gowns since it started in 2007. This is Miller’s first year participating in the program and on Wednesday alone, she gave away more than $7,000 worth or about 10 dresses. Under the terms of the program, the gowns are free for any fiancée of an actively deployed military member, as well as wives of active servicemen who did not have a traditional wedding ceremony. "I had a lot of girls call and say, 'Is this a scam? Are you really doing this?' Yeah, we're really giving dresses [away]," Miller said. “Some of them [asked], 'Is there a catch to it? What do I have to do?'" The only catch, if you want to call it that, is that Miller is able to take a charitable tax deduction for each of the 40 dresses she donates. The program runs through Sunday and hopefully as many dresses as possible will be given away to women whose dreams of a fairy tale wedding will come true in part because of this kind gesture……….

Amy Winehouse's bogus promises, getting back lost gold medals and Colombia-Venezuela bitterness rages on

- Having never made an album of any sort, I can't say for certain, but making one while strung out on nearly every drug a person can snort, shoot, smoke or ingest would seem to be a difficult task. Don’t believe me? Just ask noted cokehead Amy Winehouse, who this week vowed that she'll release a new album by January of next year. "The album will be six months at the most," Winehouse said while attending he London premiere of the film "Psychosis." "It's going to be very much the same as my second album, where there's a lot of jukebox stuff and songs that are… just jukebox, really. I just can't wait to have new songs on stage, really." After years of stringing her fans along as she was in and out of rehab, in and out of sobriety and the like, the drag queen-ish singer is looking to release her first album since 2006's "Back to Black," which sold 2,247,000 copies in the U.S. Her announcement came as something of a surprise to her longtime collaborator Mark Ronson, who claimed that a new album was nowhere close to completion. "Amy hasn't begun working on her next record yet," he said. "When she's got ten songs we'll go down to the studio together." Wow, if she doesn’t even have ten songs yet and to hear Ronson, she doesn’t have anywhere close to that, I would agree that it’s going to be tough to churn out an album any time in the next six months. Not that I’m expecting a quality product from this chick, but even a passable album of bad pop/R&B music seems to be more than she will be able to pump out in between now and January. But perhaps she made that promise to her fans while high on some quality Colombian nose candy and when she woke up the next morning, Winehouse didn’t even remember saying it at all……….

- How to handle the medals won by members of track and field relay teams with a member found guilty of doping is one of the sport’s tougher questions. Relay teams typically have five members (one alternate in addition to the four regulars) and if one person, unbeknownst to the rest, decides to cheat by injecting or ingesting an illegal substance to boost their performance, what’s to be done with the whole team if they win gold, silver or bronze? It’s the question that has been lingering over members of a 2000 American Olympic relay team who had the misfortune of teaming with one of the sport’s biggest cheats, disgraced sprinter Marion Jones, to win gold in the 4x400 relay and bronze in the 4x100 relay. In Sydney, Jearl Miles-Clark, Monique Hennagan, LaTasha Colander Clark and Andrea Anderson were part of the 4x400 team with Jones, while Chryste Gaines, Torri Edwards, Nanceen Perry and Passion Richardson were on the 4x100 bronze medal squad. All of the women were stripped of their 2000 Olympics relay medals because Jones was doping but seven of the eight (all but Perry) undertook a lengthy appeals process that culminated Friday with a decision by the Court of Arbitration for Sport in Geneva, Switzerland ruling in their favor. The seven women appealed the International Olympic Committee's decision to disqualify them from the Sydney Games and the court said the IOC and International Association of Athletics Federations rules in 2000 did not allow entire teams to be disqualified because of doping by one athlete. In response to the decision, the bribe-takers at the IOC issued a predictable, bitter statement about how the ruling was "disappointing and especially unfortunate for the athletes of the other teams who competed according to the rules." That was not the opinion of the court, which sided with the arguments made by Jones’ former teammates. "The panel found that at the time of the Sydney Olympic Games there was no express IOC or IAAF rule in force that clearly allowed the IOC to annul the relay team results if one team member was found to have committed a doping offense," CAS said. As for Jones, she is still toiling in obscurity as a member of the Tulsa Shock of the WNBA (yes, the league still exists and they are actually playing their season right now - I think). She was asked about the ruling Friday in San Antonio, where the Shock were preparing to play the Silver Stars. "I've totally moved on," Jones, who spent about six months in a Texas prison in 2008 for lying about using performance-enhancing drugs and her role in a check-fraud scam, said. "I'm moving forward." In announcing their decision, the CAS panel of three lawyers acknowledged the ruling might be unfair to relay teams that competed "with no doped athletes" but added the decision "exclusively depends on the rules enacted or not enacted by the IOC and the IAAF at the time of the Sydney Olympic Games." The CAS also slapped the IOC in the face by ordering the Olympic body to pay $9,500 toward the athletes' legal costs. In the end, I think it’s a positive that athletes who competed clean and had no knowledge of cheating by a relay teammate weren’t punished when they did nothing wrong………

- Glad to see that the bitterness and hostilities between South American neighbors Colombia and Venezuela are still going strong. The latest salvo came Friday, as Venezuela recalled its ambassador to Colombia on after it rejected Colombia's assertion that Colombian rebels are living in Venezuela. In recalling its ambassador, the Venezuelan Foreign Ministry issued a statement alleging the administration of outgoing Colombian President Alvaro Uribe is trying to undermine the possible normalization of relations between the two countries. Why would he be doing such a thing? "After eight years of failed diplomacy and of militarism as the only regional policy, President Uribe leaves a country at war, a government isolated in Latin America and detached from its neighbors," the statement said. Great, but that still doesn’t explain why he would make a bogus claim about Colombian rebels living in your country, Venezuela. And gee, who would ever imagine that Venezuela, a country run by an overbearing dictator hell-bent on sparking World War III and repressing the rights of his people, would allow rebels from one of his nation’s most bitter enemies to take refuge in his country? Venezuelan Foreign Minister Nicolas Maduro said Venezuela was recalling its ambassador to Colombia for consultations, which is as bold-faced a lie as there could be. Colombia is not allowing the decision to dissuade it from pursuing the matter and as the Venezuelan ambassador was exiting stage left, the Colombian government raised the prospect seeking assistance international organizations. after having "a patient dialogue" for six years about its belief that Colombian "terrorists" were in Venezuela. Colombia claims that it passed that information to Venezuelan authorities, but its overtures were "unsuccessful with relation to terrorist leaders." Convinced that high-ranking leaders of the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia, or FARC, live in Venezuela, the Colombian government is frustrated by the uncooperative actions of Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez and his crew. For the rebel-ignorant, the FARC is a Marxist rebel force that has been battling the Colombian state for decades. Colombian Defense Minister Gabriel Silva laid out the case for FARC members living in Venezuela at a Friday meeting with the media and claimed that meetings between FARC leaders and Venezuelan officials took place as recently as this week. "The continued and permanent tolerance of the presence of terrorists in that country is a threat to the security of Colombia," he said. Of course, there is also the outlandish claim on Chavez’s part that Colombian officials and paramilitary groups are busy plotting his assassination, so factor that into the mix as well. In other words, don’t expect this situation to simmer down any time soon……….

- Since when does paying a guy $300,000 to write a few articles entitle the payee to expect original works of the writer’s own hand? That’s certainly news to me just like it’s news to Colorado Republican gubernatorial candidate Scott McInnis. Seems that McInnis was paid handsomely by the Hasan Family Foundation Board to write a series of articles and he responded with heavily plagiarized works. McInnis was accused this week of plagiarizing whole sections of the pieces he was commissioned and paid handsomely to write. When his dishonest deeds came to light, he admitted "mistakes were made" and vowed to "make things right." However, “making things right” didn’t include returning the money, not in McInnis’ mind. The Hassan foundation didn’t appreciate that response and pressed the issue. It demanded full repayment and at long last, McInnis says he'll make arrangements to repay all $300,000. The foundation released a statement Friday saying that after investigating the matter, it wanted McInnis to return the $300,000 he was paid. "Of the little work that [McInnis] did, he has admitted it was neither fully completed by him, nor fully original," the statement. "In view of the public disclosure by Mr. McInnis as well as by Mr. Rolly Fischer, it is clear that Mr. McInnis has not fulfilled the terms of our agreement, and there is no need for any further investigation by the Foundation." What I find hilarious is that although McInnis has been caught red-handed, he still doesn’t seem to feel all that guilty about his actions, nor does he seem to believe that he really should return the money. "I apologized to the Hasans for this mistake, and I expressed my determination to make it right with my dear friends," McInnis stated in a news release. "I will be in contact with the Hasan family to make full payment arrangements. I agree with the foundation that this brings this matter to a close, and I look forward to continuing to speak on the campaign trail about the critical issues facing all of Colorado, including jobs and economic recovery." See, dude is already looking to spin this into a political commercial to boost his campaign. Nothing says, “I’m sorry” quite like seizing upon a blatant case of plagiarism as a chance to stump for your sure-to-lose gubernatorial campaign………

- Someone’s getting a little snippy, eh Apple CEO Steve Jobs? Having heard just about enough criticism of the reception issues with his company’s highly touted new smartphone, the iPhone 4, Jobs fired back in terse fashion Friday, saying the iPhone 4's reception problems have been "blown way out of proportion.” But should you be one of those who has suffered because of an inept iPhone, Apple is going to give you…..wait for it…..wait a little longer…..a free phone case to fix the issue! If you already purchased a case, you will receive a refund. "We're not perfect; phones aren't perfect," Jobs said. "We want to make all our users happy." Any time between now and Sept. 30, iPhone customers can visit an Apple store for a free case. Another possible solution to the phone’s reception issues, bumpers -- hard rubber bands that cover only the edges of the phone -- Jobs admitted that Apple has not made enough of them to offer them free. Overall, not what anyone expected when the iPhone 4 set Apple sales records after its release June 24 and received the requisite positive reviews from tech dorks, who lined up for hours outside those same Apple stores for the right to throw away a crapload of money on their favorite company’s latest gadget. So far, the smartphone has sold more than 3 million units and has been the most successful product launch in Apple history. Jobs blindly insists that the phone remains "our best product ever," seeming to indicate that Apple is more concerned with sales figures that quality products that function properly. "It's not like Apple has had its head in the sand on this," Jobs said. "It's only been 22 days." Yes, but it took only a few hours after the smartphone’s release for analysts to find out that holding a certain spot on the metal band around the edge of the phone leads to interference, causing weakened reception and, sometimes, dropped calls. That band houses the phone’s antenna and was part of the reason the iPhone 4 is about 25 percent thinner than its predecessors. The problems have turned the iPhone 4 into a punchline for everyone with a forum of any kind, be it Internet, television or print. Oh, and those claims that one of Apple’s engineers notified him of this problem before the phone’s release? “Total bullsh*t,” Jobs snapped at Friday’s presentation. Good to see that you are handling this so well, Steve-O………..

A big day for Cleveland sports, drunk Russians meet disaster and the U. of Texas finally axes ties to its Klan past

- Big day for you, Cleveland. After the debacle of LeBron James’ “The Decision” televised homicide of C-Town sports, your city needed something positive to happen and I think today qualifies. For today, not one but two of your city’s most prominent athletes were able to avoid jail time on serious weapons charges. Up first, Cleveland Browns nose tackle Shaun Rogers. Rogers entered a diversion program Thursday to avoid trial on an airport weapons charge, meaning he won't do any time behind bars and even though he still faces a possible NFL suspension, the worst of the matter seems to be behind him. Considering that dude attempted to take a loaded semiautomatic handgun through security in a carry-on bag at Cleveland's Hopkins International Airport in April, getting off with a program that includes 40 hours of volunteer service, 10 hours in a gun class and forfeiture of said gun, I’d say that’s a light sentence. Better still, the felony gun charge will be dismissed if Rogers completes the gun course. Cuyahoga County Common Pleas Court Judge Eileen Gallagher approved the deal that Rogers’ attorney Pat D'Angelo finagled for his client. As part of the program - which could last up to one year - Rogers will assist in a program aimed at reducing truancy in Cleveland public schools (no, not by threatening the kids with a gun, Shaun). Should Rogers stupidly not abide by the terms of his agreement, he would be subject to a possible felony indictment. Now, he must wait and see what kind of justice Sheriff Roger Goodell will mete out for this violation of the NFL’s player conduct policy. "We are reviewing it under our policies," NFL spokesman Greg Aiello wrote in an e-mail after Rogers' court appearance. The second Cleveland athlete to avoid jail time on gun charges today was Cavaliers guard Delonte West, who pleaded guilty Thursday to weapons charges in Prince George's County Circuit Court and in exchange, received eight months of electronic monitoring, two years of unsupervised probation, 40 hours of community service and psychological counseling. West, who was carrying two loaded handguns, a loaded shotgun and an 8½-inch Bowie knife while speeding on a three-wheel motorcycle on the Capital Beltway last September, was joined in court by his mother, girlfriend and uncle in court and told Judge Graydon McKee that he has been "put on a pedestal" because he can "dribble a basketball," and worries about being a bad role model for kids who look up to him. In arguing his client’s case, West's attorney said the player had the weapons because he was transporting them from one home to another that he owns in the county. Keep in mind that this is also a guy who has battled bipolar disorder for years and did not speak to reporters at all this past outside of season a brief question-and-answer session at the beginning of the year. The question for West is whether the Cavs will keep him and continue to put up with his shenanigans or if they will release him. But for today, let’s just focus on (and celebrate) some positive sports news for Cleveland………

- Oddly enough, fall-down drunk Russians, sweltering summer heat and bodies of water are a bad mix. It’s crazy, I know. But as a heat wave sweeps across the Communist (and yes, I’m calling you Communist, Russia) nation, Russians are looking to two sources for relief: vodka and the nearest body of water. This is proving to be a disastrous mix, as more than 1,000 Russians have drowned this summer as they sought relief from the heat wave by jumping into lakes and rivers. Stunningly enough, authorities have determined thst many of the drownees have been intoxicated at the time of their death. According to Vadim Seryogin, a department head at Russia's Emergencies Ministry, 49 people, including two children, had drowned in the last day alone. All told, more than 1,200 total have drowned, 223 of them between July 5 and July 12. "The majority of those drowned were drunk," Seryogin said. "The children died because adults simply did not look after them." I realize that the words “heat wave” and “Russia” look oxymoronic in the same sentence, but even in Russia, the summer can bring sweltering temperatures. Since mid-June, the region has experienced record-breaking heat, with temperatures of up to 104 degrees Fahrenheit, leading to an emergency situation in Russia. To combat the heat, officials have urged citizens to take a nap or rest break in the afternoon to avoid the hottest part of the day. That hasn’t totally alleviated the problem, as cases of heat stroke and sunburn have increased in children, and adults with heart problems and diabetes have been severely affected. The heat has softened up the asphalt on roads and other paved areas and the heat is so extreme that a state of emergency has been declared in 14 regions. Many of those regions are seeing water shortages as wells dry up. On top of all that, the heat has also exacerbated a smog problem and crops are withering under the heat. All of that is enough to drive Russians to down vodka in even larger doses than normal (hey, there’s not enough water to drink, so don’t be too hard on them). It’s also driving them to their local lakes, rivers and ponds to cool off and drunk people near bodies of water deeper than six inches is a dangerous combination. Perhaps that afternoon nap after downing a fifth of Smirnoff or Absolut doesn’t seem like such a bad idea when contrasted with drowning, eh Russians…………

- Glad you finally got around to changing the name of a campus residence hall named after a prominent figure in the Ku Klux Klan in the 1800s, Texas Board of Regents. Simkins Residence Hall, a University of Texas at Austin dormitory, bears the name of a man who had strong ties to the famed society of bigots and racists in the years after the Civil War. William Stewart Simkins, who taught at the University of Texas at Austin's law school from 1899 until his death in 1929, and his brother, Eldred J. Simkins, a former member of the system Board of Regents, were both KKK members. "Both Simkins brothers had ties to the Ku Klux Klan after the Civil War," a statement from the board said. "Creekside Residence Hall and Creekside Park will replace the current names of Simkins Hall and Simkins Park, respectively." Wait a second. People have a problem with living in a building named after an avowed racist who was part of a group that persecuted, tortured and killed people of other races, specifically blacks? Just because many UT students are either black or a member of another minority group that the KKK persecuted, why would they have an issue with this? Who doesn’t love a daily reminder of one of the darkest times in America’s history plastered all over their place of residence? Instead of being named after a racist, the building will now take its moniker from a creek that runs nearby. The board voted unanimously Thursday to change the name after University President William Powers Jr. asked the board to rename the dorm following a recommendation from a 21-member advisory group. "The new names are effective immediately and the campus will install new signage as soon as possible," the statement said. What’s truly terrible about the building’s former name is that, in a research article published earlier this year, former University of Texas law professor Tom Russell claimed that university officials named the dorm after the Klan member to intimidate African-Americans after the 1954 U.S. Supreme Court decision that integrated schools, Brown v. Board of Education. "Professor Simkins helped to organize the Ku Klux Klan in Florida at the conclusion of the American Civil War, and he advocated his Klan past to Texas students," Russell said. "During the 1950s, the memory and history of Professor Simkins supported the university's resistance to integration. As the university faced pressure to admit African-American students, the university's faculty council voted to name a dormitory after the Klansman and law professor. During this time period, alumni also presented the law school with a portrait of Professor Simkins. Portraits and a bust of Professor Simkins occupied prominent positions within the law school through the 1990s.” Gee, what a lovely place UT must have been back before the Civil Rights movement took root………

- Indie rockers Vampire Weekend scored a huge hit with their sophomore release, Contra, which was releases earlier this year. The album bum-rushed the top of the charts and along the way, the simple cover art featuring a faintly smiling young woman wearing a yellow Ralph Lauren shirt became iconic in its own right. In fact, the cover attracted enough attention that the woman who appeared in the photograph has now come forward to sure the band and its record label for using her likeness without permission or compensation. Ann Kirsten Kennis, who claims that the photo is of her and was taken around 1983, when she was working as “a high-fashion model under contract with prestigious agencies in New York City.” She filed her lawsuit in an Los Angeles court Wednesday, claiming that the signature on the release form for the photo was forged. That’s a serious allegation to make, worse than claiming that no consent form existed and the band and label used an image without even worrying about the rights issue. Saying that the form was deliberately falsified is a big charge, which is why Kennis is asking the band, label XL Recordings, and photographer Tod Brody for at least $2 million for their alleged misappropriation of identity. In her filing, Kennis’ attorneys claim that “the album design, in which the Photograph is featured prominently, was a substantial factor in generating recognition and buzz for the Contra album, thus increasing sales and profits.” Neither the band nor the label has commented on the suit yet, but this would appear to be headed for a settlement of some sort unless the label is 105 percent certain that the consent form is legitimately signed by Kennis and they have handwriting experts ready to testify to that effect in open court………

- Nothing like fessing up to having used a "totally wrong" software formula for three years to display your smartphone’s signal strength, eh Apple? As a huge Mac guy, this pains me to say, but Apple vowing that it would soon issue a fix for the “totally wrong” formula it has been using for three years to display the iPhone's signal strength is more than a small matter. The iOS 4.0.1 update with a fix for the bug was released today and illustrates just how dramatically Apple has changed the signal strength to signal bar mapping. The new software increases the breadth of the dynamic range not only much broader and makes the range values for each bar much wider. With the update, the range of signals that correspond to bars three and four are the same width, and bar two is only slightly less. The update does not change the cutoff value for dropping from two bars to one bar, but every other value has increased. Tech dorks have been extremely angry of late about this problem, lamenting a worst-case signal drop of around 24 decibels when the iPhone 4 is held tightly in the left hand. That’s worse than the phone’s predecessor, the iPhone 3, or pretty much any other smartphone on the market. The iPhone 4’s method of displaying signal strength was blamed for the bulk of the problem and the 24 dB drop from the so-called "death grip" could make all the bars go away. However, the iOS 4.0.1. update makes it so that if you have five bars on your screen, the worst-case drop of 24 dBm drops the display down to two bars. What this means for users is that Apple's signal strength reporting is now much more honest. The subpar design of the antenna itself is still an issue, as is holding the phone in your hand, but at least most iPhone users will see fewer bars disappear when they hold the iPhone 4 in a bare hand. Of course, the iPhone now displays fewer bars in most places and those same users will take a mental hit as they learn the actual signal strength of their beloved phone in various locations. Basically, Apple has been covering for an inadequate AT&T network and that lying has stopped. I wouldn’t expect this fix to silence most critics or users, but at least Apple is taking steps to operate more honestly and that is (almost) always a step in the right direction………