- Churches are plentiful and with America gradually drifting from the concept of organized religion, local churches have to go that extra mile to draw in visitors. A catchy sign out in front of the church to make passersby chuckle and think is all well and good, but it takes something more to make a person want to come worship with you on a Sunday. Summit Church in Castle Rock, Colo. understands this and that’s why the church is offering "Porn and Pancakes" on Saturday, a class that is all about porn and the issues surrounding porn. "The event at Summit Church was inspired by XXXChurch, the No. 1 Christian porn site on the Internet," according to Pastor Wayne Hanson of Summit Church. "I'm teaching from the prospective of a husband and father. We'll talk about healthy affection, discipline, praying and worshiping as a family and always setting an example." "Our youth minister will talk about how to stay pure when you're not married and have no outlet for your sexual drive." Wait a second……so there’s no actual porn involved? In other words, show up and gorge on some second-rate pancakes you make from pre-made batter poured out of a bottle and listen to pastors talk about why porn is bad? Are the pancakes even real? They had better be, because the church is not only asking attendees to spend their Saturday morning talking about porn but not viewing it, but also to pay for their own breakfast. The discussion is aimed at men and boys ages 12 and up, according to Hanson, and will take place at the Village Inn in Castle Rock as the first meeting in a four-week series called "Satan Sex Ed." If the ladies of Summit Church are feeling a little left out by all of this, fear not: The church plans to hold a Porn and Pastries talk later this year for women. "Women don't struggle as much as men with the porn issue," said Hanson. Just a tip, Hanson, but when it’s time for the ladies to have their porn get together, you should probably be chivalrous and actually pay for their food………
- Normally when police in riot gear show up to a locations, it’s time to break out a new edition of Riot Watch! Sadly, that was not the case in Hai Phong, Vietnam when local police arrived in riot gear to evict the Vuon clan from its home. Why were police in riot gear showing up to evict a family? That question can be answered with five simple words: homemade land mines and improvised shotguns. Anyone who believed the Vuon clan would be overmatched by police was sorely mistaken, as a guerrilla-style ambush hearkening back to the Vietnam War era gave the family the upper hand initially and they were able to wound six officers before finally being overrun. The Vuon clan is a family of fish farmers trying to hold onto leased land in the northern port city of Hai Phong and family ringleader Doan Van Vuon has become a national hero for the common man while simultaneously sparking a debate about property seizures by local governments. Vuon and three family members remain under arrest for their role in the attack, but retired military generals and a former president have expressed support for his cause. Prime Minister Nguyen Tan Dung ordered an investigation on the case Friday and ruled that the eviction was illegal and those who ordered it should be punished. He also called upon local authorities to renew the family's land lease. Vuon has gone from humble, unknown farmer to a symbol of pride and rebellion for the country's millions of farmers, many of whom are constantly on the verge of losing their property. The Vietnamese government is currently debating 20-year land grants that are due to expire next year. Vuon’s land was targeted by local officials and he is accused of organizing the attack and trying to kill police. National media have claimed the family was cheated in 1993 when they were given a lease of only 14 years instead of what should have been 20 years. The more information that becomes known about Vuon, the more his star is likely to rise. He’s not simply a gun-toting psycho with an anti-government bent; he’s actually a college-educated agricultural engineer and legally savvy. Judging by his orchestration of an attack on more than 100 police and soldiers, he also knows at least a small amount about military strategy. Since the raid, two houses on the family's land were burned and bulldozed and his wife has been forced to take shelter under a plastic tarp. Those who want to argue that in Vietnam all land belongs to the state and Vuon should have willfully surrendered his property, please do everyone a favor and shove your head into a wood chipper…………
- Duuuuuuuuuude. This is so not cool, man. Why is everyone so against stoners, bro? Like, for example, so-called expert dudes at Dalhousie University in Canada reviewed like nine studies of more than 49,000 people involved in totally gnarly accidents on public roads involving one or more motor vehicles, including cars, trucks, buses and motorcycles. What these bro-hams found was that dudes and chicks who use marijuana before driving are nearly twice as likely to cause a car crash as those not under the influence of alcohol or drugs. They totally confirmed marijuana use by blood tests or self-reporting. What they found was that drivers who had used marijuana within three hours of beginning to drive had nearly double the risk of causing a collision, especially those that were fatal. But dude, this shouldn’t surprise anyone because, like, pot is the most widely used illegal drug worldwide. For example, a 2007 study in Scotland found 15 percent of 537 drivers aged 17 to 39 had used marijuana within 12 hours. Lead researcher dude Wayne Hall of the University of Queensland said people "will also need to be persuaded that they are at risk of their cannabis use being detected" in order to stop hitting the bong before they drive, bro. Oh, and this study totally overlooks a major issue, man. While stoners who drive are more likely to cause a crash, the study doesn’t account for the lack of motivation most stoners have to get off the couch, find their keys and walk all the way to their car. Besides, where do stoners really have to go? They can totally walk to the 7/11 for a Slurpee and new bag of Cheetohs. They’re not getting up off the couch for anything other than a new bag of ganja to get them through the weekend. So while stoners who do drive cause more accidents, smoking the hippie lettuce almost certainly keeps scores of bad drivers who might cause an accident off the road in the first place. In other words, lay off the potheads, man……….
- The New York Mets’ jacked-up financial state are a joke - literally. Not only are the Metropolitans an also-ran in the National League East as the Phillies and Braves maintain control of the division, but the team is at the heart of the Bernie Madofff bankruptcy/Ponzi scheme and bilked investors are attempting to recover money from the Wilpon family, which owns the Mets and was involved financially with Madoff. A lower court ruling approved the way the bankruptcy trustee in the case determined who can get money from a special fund set up for Madoff investors. Under the current ruling, Sterling would not be immediately eligible to participate in the recovery fund and is counting on an appeal to the Supreme Court to reverse that fate. In the meantime, Mets general manager Sandy Alderson recently revealed that the team lost $70 million last season and is looking at the single-season record for a drop in payroll at $52 million. With spring training set to start in less than two weeks, Alderson is preparing to head to Florida and begin a new year. Despite the Mets’ financial woes and dire prognosis for the 2012 season, he seems to be in a jovial mood. "Getting ready for Spring Training-Driving to FL but haven't left yet. Big fundraiser tonight for gas money. Also exploring PAC contribution," he tweeted in his very first post after joining Twitter (@MetsGM). Mets spokesman Jay Horwitz quickly attempted to spin the tweet by explaining that Alderson good-naturedly responding to a New York paper that pointed out the GM was driving to Port St. Lucie instead of flying. Horwitz said Alderson drives because he takes his dog. Hopefully Alderson isn't too attached to his dog because he may need to include it in a potential trade to acquire a bat or two once he sees how bad the 2012 New York Mets look………….
- Fans of acerbic, sarcastic fake doctor Gregory House, the time has come. Producers of “House” have confirmed that the show’s current season, its eighth, will be its last. The series debuted in 2004 and has been a steady presence on Fox’s airwaves since 2004. During its eight seasons, it has aired in more than 60 countries. It will air its final episode this spring and after that, British actor Hugh Laurie will have to find something else to fill his time because he will no longer be playing über-grumpy Dr. Gregory House. "After much deliberation, the producers of House MD have decided that this season of the show, the 8th, should be the last. By April this year they will have completed 177 episodes, which is about 175 more than anyone expected back in 2004," producers said in a statement. The statement also laid out the reasons for bringing the series to a conclusion and producers claimed it was partially to preserve the enigma of the show's lead character. In short, they want it to end with "some promise and mystique in the air.” Near its end, the statement expounded on Dr. House and how he should go out. "He should never be the last one to leave the party. How much better to disappear before the music stops,” it read. While Laurie may be disappointed to see the show end (it has made him one of the highest-earning British actors in the world at $400,000 per episode), no actor wants to be pigeonholed in one single role and the chance to move on should be welcomed for he and co-stars Olivia Wilde, Omar Epps, Lisa Edelstein and Robert Sean Leonard…………
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