- Wow, someone’s lost their sense of humor, eh United States Navy? Since when are a series of raunchy videos, full of sexual innuendo and anti-gay remarks, unfunny and unwelcome? If you can't get a good laugh out of videos including scenes of simulated masturbation, simulated eating of feces and two men as well as two women showering together….I don’t know what to tell you. Most people consider those things a rip-roarin’ good time and you ripping Capt. Owen Honors’ command of the USS Enterprise simply because he showed those videos to the crew of the aircraft carrier while on deployment supporting the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan in 2006 and 2007 no reason to come down so hard on the guy. So you take back your remarks, Navy spokesman Cmdr. Chris Sims, about how the videos are "inappropriate." News of the videos first surfaced on Saturday and The Virginian-Pilot newspaper in Norfolk, Va. posted excerpts from the videos and descriptions of their content. In the videos, a man identified by two Navy officials as Honors, who at the time was the executive officer, or second-in-command, of the Enterprise, is shown cursing along with other members of his staff in an attempt to demonstrate humor, according to videos. Those remarks are followed by anti-gay slurs, simulated sex acts, and what appear to be two female sailors in a shower together. Showing its overly touchy side, Adm. John Harvey, the four-star head of the Navy's Fleet Forces Command, immediately ordered an investigation once the videos surfaced. The Navy chased that with a statement Saturday, saying in part "production of videos, like the ones produced four to five years ago on USS Enterprise and now being written about in the Virginian-Pilot, were not acceptable then and are still not acceptable in today's Navy. The Navy does not endorse or condone these kinds of actions. "The statement also said, "U.S. Fleet Forces Command has initiated an investigation into the circumstances surrounding the production of these videos; however, it would be inappropriate to comment any further on the specifics of the investigation." Way to be a bunch of total squares, Navy. You initially stood up for your boy Honors, telling the Virginian-Pilot in a statement that the videos were "not created with the intent to offend anyone. The videos were intended to be humorous skits focusing the crew's attention on specific issues such as port visits, traffic safety, water conservation, ship cleanliness, etc." So why the 180? I don’t recall hearing any complaints from any of the crew members in between the time the videos aired and now. If they’re not offended, why the stink? Honors didn’t discriminate here; he hit every single ethnic, gender and lifestyle-choice minority group that is the target for bigoted humor from time to time. No group was left out, so let’s just chalk this one up to good, (not so) clean fun and keep moving. No? I tried…………
- Cincinnati Bengals fans, are you fired up? Are you ready to renew your season tickets, buy your gear and get hyped for next season? No? Why not? Is it because the organization is bringing back a coach who, in eight years, is 60-67-1, has made the playoffs twice without winning a single game there and just guided your dysfunctional team to a 4-12 campaign? C’mon, Queen City, that’s no reason to be down. Marvin Lewis is returning next season as the Cincinnati Bengals' coach and there’s not a damn thing you can do about it. To paraphrase the ever-colorful Bob Knight, if Marvin Lewis coaching your team to another non-playoff season is inevitable, why not sit back and enjoy it? What are the odds that the Bengals will finish in last place and have another 10-game losing streak next year? Extremely high, you say? Well, you’re probably right. But maybe Lewis has some words of hope or perhaps this season was a revelation that will suddenly turn him into a good coach…..maybe. "This was a chance for a new start," Lewis said of signing a contract extension. "We could go back and reaffirm some of the things that we had spoken about, that we speak about all the time. It was a chance to reconfirm the direction from the top and make sure we were all on the same page." Hmm, nothing too revolutionary there. What else ya got, coach Lewis? "No question in my mind that Carson Palmer is our quarterback," Lewis said in a radio interview Wednesday morning, alluding to embattled Bengals quarterback Carson Palmer. "He really weathered quite a storm this year and took another step as a leader." So….another step as a leader is throwing a career-worst 20 interceptions, leading the NFL in that category, and presiding over one 22nd-ranked scoring offense in the NFL? Or throwing most of your 26 touchdowns in garbage-time situations when the game was already decided, typically in the other team’s favor? Fact is, Palmer has never been the same since his knee was wrecked in a 2005 wild-card playoff game against Pittsburgh. Ever since, Palmer has been a step slow, more erratic and less and less of an elite quarterback with each passing year. Even the Bengals bringing in talented, yet temperamental wide receiver Terrell Owens this season wasn’t enough to revive Palmer’s declining career. Yet here the Bengals are, bringing back the coach and quarterback who presided over this debacle….and expecting the fans to buy in? Something tells me that’s not happening…………
- So….this is what we’ve come to. The two-hour debut of Paula Abdul's dance competition "Live to Dance" on CBS was the most-watched show on television Tuesday night. This train wreck guided by a certifiably insane former Laker girl and “American Karaoke” judge pulled in 10.2 million viewers. Even though NBC's "The Biggest Loser" came in first with advertisers' favorite demographic of 18-49 year olds with 8.7 million viewers - 3.43 million were in the top demographic - there’s no glossing over the truly awful significance of this moment. While just 2.4 million in that demographic were desperate or dumb enough to tune in for Abdul’s crapfest, that’s 2.4 million more than should have watched. Just to quickly recap the lowlights of what will hopefully be one of those freak instances where people tune in for the first episode of a show out of curiosity and then never come back once they realize how terrible it is: There were dancers Bev, 83, and Hap, 68, who made the semifinals and celebrated with onstage pushups and Bonnie, a 90-year-old tap dancer who did not make the cut. There was nine-year-old hip-hop dancer Jalen and an 11-year-old dressed in feathers and rhinestones whom Abdul told, "I want to see less makeup on you." Needless to say, if Paula Abdul thinks you’re wearing too much makeup, you have problems. To top off a thoroughly ridiculous evening, Pussycat Skanks member Kimberly Wyatt joined Abdul on the judging panel along with choreographer Travis Payne, who I’ve never heard of and don’t care about. The idea of the show is to whittle the field of freaks and misfits down to 18 finalists, who will compete for $500,000. In an interview earlier this week to promote the show, Abdul described herself as "a girl who has a lot of heart" and said she wanted "ability to motivate, and inspire people." If by “motivate and inspire people" you mean waste their time, make the world a worse place and drag reality TV shows further into the trash heap than they’ve ever been…..I do believe that you’re succeeding………
- The optimist in me would like to hope that when the Food and Drug Administration makes a decree that tobacco products be improved and made healthier in order to be approved for sale in these here United States, that decree means something. But while those tobacco products have changed since the new rules went into place on Feb. 15, 2007, they may not be all that new and improved. Right now, no one is sure. What we know id that makers of tobacco products that have been changed since Feb. 15, 2007 must now show the "new" products are no worse for public health or see the products banned in the U.S., the FDA ruled Tuesday. The far-reaching ruling applies to cigarettes, smokeless tobacco products, and roll-your-own tobacco products. The agency gave tobacco companies until March 22 to submit evidence to the FDA that new or changed products are "substantially equivalent" to those made before February 2007. The hammer has been put in the FDA’s hand by the Tobacco Control Act of June 2009. Lawrence R. Deyton, MD, MPH, director of the FDA's Center for Tobacco Products, explained the situation at a news conference. "This law requires the FDA to carefully consider what impact these changes or new products have on the public health," Deyton said. "No longer will changes to products consumed by millions of Americans be made without anyone knowing." He added that tobacco companies have never before had to tell the FDA what was in their products and even with the new rules, they still don't -- unless they want to sell a new product, or one that was altered since February 2007. In the event that one of its products falls into that category, a company must present detailed evidence that the new product is no worse for the public health than the old product. The simplest way to do that is to simply tell the FDA exactly what is in the old and new products, and how they are made. "Up until now, tobacco products have been the only products consumed by millions for which users do not know what they are consuming, because manufacturers frequently alter ingredients without anyone knowing," Deyton said. The ruling stipulates that products are considered modified if they have "a change in design, any component, any part, or any constituent, including a smoke constituent, or in the content, delivery, or form of nicotine, or any other additive or ingredient." To prove its products are unchanged, a company must show that the new or altered product is no more toxic, addictive, or attractive to minors than similar products made before February 2007. If a new product is determined by the FDA to not be equivalent to grandfathered products? "The law allows those products not found to be equivalent to be withdrawn from the public market If the changes raise different questions of public health," Deyton said. "The intent is to assure that no new or changed tobacco products are worse for public health than those already on the market on Feb. 15, 2007." If all of that makes sense to you, consider yourself smart, which probably means you want nothing to do with tobacco products in the first place………
- Booyah! For too many days now, I’ve wondered from whence the next great international bank robbery story would come. At long last, that story is here and it’s my peeps in Argentina who have come through. Better still, this is a bank robbery of Hollywood proportions. According to authorities in Buenos Aires, at least three individuals broke into a bank through an underground tunnel and escaped with the contents of more than 130 safe-deposit boxes. Police in Argentina's capital are searching for at least three people responsible for the heist. Those people allegedly entered the bank through a 98-foot tunnel decked out with rugs, lighting and ventilation. Even those looking to apprehend these inspired thieves couldn’t help but be impressed. "It was truly impressive," prosecutor Martin Niklison told state media. The plot behind the tunnel is definitely impressive, as the tunnel itself was traced to a rented business space on the same block in Buenos Aires where the bank is located. The space was rented all the way back in July, with construction on the tunnel taking place between then and the New Year's holiday weekend, when the thieves broke into the branch of Banco Provincia de Buenos Aires, which was closed over the holiday weekend. Bank security cameras captured images of the suspects leaving with money and stolen objects. Since none of the stolen items belong to me, I can simply revel in the amazing intricacy of this theft and the extent to which the thieves went in concocting and executing their plan. So whoever you are and wherever you’ve escaped to, anonymous Argentinean bank thieves, a tip of the hat to you……….
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