- It’s no secret what a huge fan I am of scientific research wasting thousands or even millions of dollars digging deep into issues that we all are extremely aware of and informed on, thereby drawing blatantly obvious conclusions that don’t teach anyone anything new. So in that spirit, how’s about a new study with the groundbreaking conclusion that routine binge drinking may cause mental problems -- including a reduced ability to think -- that can last long after the hangovers have worn off? A research team led by Robert J. Thoma, Ph.D., an associate professor of psychiatry at the University of New Mexico, in Albuquerque, researched this very subject by interviewing 48 teens between the ages of 12 and 18 about their alcohol use. They questioned each participant and then had them go through a battery of attention and cognition tests at least two days after they'd had their last drink. Shockingly, the more drinks the teens reported consuming in their most recent trip to the bar or keg (yes, that’s a joke), the poorer they performed on the tests. Drug use was also probed in the study and stunningly, frequent marijuana use also appeared to damage memory. The study, which was published in the journal Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research, did not provide enough evidence to determine whether the mental deficits seen in the study are permanent or if they might be reversible with long-term abstinence from alcohol and drugs. Regardless of the permanence of these effects, I think I speak for everyone, everywhere when I say thank you to Dr. Thoma and his team for the shocking revelation that binge drinking is bad for teens. "The most important thing in kids' lives is school," Thoma explained. "If you have a problem with sustained attention, then how are you going to do in math class?" "These kids are making things more difficult for themselves.” Oh, it’s also important to note that Thoma and his team could not definitively prove that binge drinking directly caused cognitive problems. In truth, teens who suffer from cognitive problems could be more prone to binge drinking, thus flipping the study’s conclusions on their head. For the study, Thoma and his team examined three groups of teens: 19 who had been diagnosed with substance abuse, 14 who had a family history (but no personal history) of problem drinking, and 15 with no history of alcohol problems. Participants with substance abuse problems reported consuming an average of 13 alcoholic beverages on days when they drank, while the other two groups of teens averaged one drink or less. The heavy drinkers scored significantly lower than the other groups on tests measuring attention and decision-making ability. As for that pot research…..telling us that smoking marijuana frequently appears to have a negative impact on memory……thanks for enlightening one and all, science………
- It may not have the same violent collisions on a regular basis as football, but that doesn’t mean Major League Baseball doesn’t still face the issue of concussions and how to deal with players who suffer them. Whether it’s getting beaned in the head by a pitch, getting kneed in the head by a leaping second baseman or shortstop throwing to complete a double play while you slide into second base or ranging into the outfield to catch a fly ball and colliding with a teammate, baseball players also suffer concussions. For example, former American League MVP and Minnesota Twins masher Justin Morneau suffered a collision during a July 7 game against Toronto and even though the Twins extended their season by making the playoffs, Morneau did not play a single game after getting concussed. His story and others like it have reportedly inspired MLB to consider a special 7-day disabled list for players with concussions. As the NFL struggles mightily with how to prevent concussions caused by violent hits, MLB has begun internal talks about the new concussion-centric DL that could be implemented as soon as next season. Nothing is concrete at this point and talks are still in their early stages, according to a source close to the situation, but the concept will be considered this offseason by a new concussion subcommittee that is being formed under baseball's medical advisory committee. Even if the subcommittee approves the idea, bass-ackwards-thinking Commissioner Bud Selig would still need to endorse it for the proposal to move forward. The players’ union would then have the final say-so on the matter, but this sounds like a solid idea and one that would take a big step toward addressing an issue that all sports at every level must now find a way to deal with……….
- Can I even muster outrage anymore? Or have I become so beaten-down by the omnipresent brain drain that is the Jersey Shore cast that any news of them expanding their own special brand of stupid and self-absorption through the entertainment world falls on deaf, demoralized ears? Let’s go with no on the second question and a resounding yes on the first one. These ass hats have clearly used up more than their 15 minutes by this point, yet a failure to display even a shred of actual talent that would merit notoriety hasn’t registered on America’s radar. How else do you explain the fact that cast member Jenni ‘J-Woww’ Farley was reportedly approached by NBC about appearing on the new season of Celebrity Apprentice, “along with a lot of others,” according to a source close to the network? This chick has no actual skills that we know of, yet people are beating down her door? I know networks will do just about anything and sign just about anyone if it will help ratings, but J-Woww? “Celebrity Apprentice” isn’t exactly an audition process for Mensa membership, but still…..J-Woww? But the Peacock’s fascination with the Shore cast doesn’t end with Farley, because a second source with the network confirmed that NBC is also in preliminary discussions for a special episode of the game show Minute to Win It featuring the Jersey Shore cast. That’s right, eight people whose only “talents” that we know of are sleeping, sexing, tanning, laundry and knocking out unsuspecting chumps on the boardwalk with one shot are going to attempt to carry an entire hour of television featuring nothing but talent contests. Well, assuming that to you, talent means attempting to win money by completing comical tasks with household objects in 60 seconds or less……….
- Who stole the black Australian swans from Lake Eola in downtown Orlando? Nine of the rare swans went missing recently from the lake and thus far, only two have been returned. Orlando police claim to have a suspect for the two that were returned to Lake Eola, but the person hasn't been identified. An anonymous tipster alerted police to the fact that the swans were stolen and this nosy busybody claimed to have seen the perpetrator in the act of stealing the swans. "Someone had noticed a vehicle and particular suspects moving the swans from Lake Eola and putting them in a vehicle," Orlando Police Sergeant Barbara Jones said. That tip led police to the two recovered swans, which were returned on Wednesday. No arrests have been made and perhaps still keeping quiet so as to benefit the rescue efforts for the remaining seven swans, police gave precious few details about the return of the swans. Jones would only confirm that the two birds were found outside the city limits. The other seven missing birds were confirmed as AWOL during a routine count by city officials. All of the swans are checked out for illness and counted and at the most recent check, seven missing swans proved rather conspicuous. And if you think this is a laughing matter or some hilarious prank (which it is), think again. City Commissioner Patty Sheehan held a news conference Thursday to address the matter. "We want to let everybody know, if you're thinking about stealing swans from Lake Eola, we are going to catch you and we are going to prosecute," Sheehan threatened. Really, P.? Because what it looks like to me is that people can waltz on down to the lake, steal swans and get away clean. I understand that caring for the swans is the city's responsibility and the average swan costs the approximately $500. That cost skyrockets to $1,800 for swans used for mating, like the ones stolen. "The city invests taxpayer money to maintain and take care of the well-being of these swans to provide to the citizens who pay those taxes," Jones fumed. “Obviously if they're supposed to be at Lake Eola and they aren't there, somebody has them and didn't get permission, so it probably is but until we figure it out where they are, I really don't want to go further than that." How very cryptic of you, Ms. Commissioner. Maybe if your city stopped wasting money on unnecessary things like swans and started allocating its resources to areas that actually provide a direct, tangible service to the people of Orlando, you could avoid this very problem………
- Few things in this world are more awesome than an alleged international sporting/poisoning conspiracy theory. Fact is, precious few teams are willing to go all-out to (allegedly) poison their opponents in the quest for a victory. Whether it’s niceness run amok or just an inability on the part of the generations that have gone before to transfer their knowledge and traditions to the next generation, today’s players simply aren’t following through when it comes to dropping poisonous chemicals and other hazardous materials into their opponents’ food and beverages. Thankfully, Peruvian professional soccer team Sport Ancash understands the concept of doing literally whatever it takes to win, at least according to rival squad Hijos de Acosvinchos. The two teams squared off Sunday with big stakes. If Hijos de Acosvinchos won or tied, the resulting points in the standings would be enough to promote the team from Peru's second division to the top tier. That was a problem for Sport Ancash, which allegedly went to great lengths to prevent Hijos de Acosvinchos from winning - or even being competitive. Hijos de Acosvinchos players and representatives alleged after the game that Sport Ancash spiked their water bottles with barbiturates to slow down their players, leaving them unable to play at their normal level. The allegations came after four players from Hijos de Acosvinchos became ill, including one who passed out on the field. The illnesses occurred after Hijos de Acosvinchos players accepted water offered by Sport Ancash staff. "I had a very bad taste in my throat and that was the reason I drank while on the field. I felt lucid, but became more worried when my teammates started to fall on the field," said Hijos de Acosvinchos player Martin Reategui. The four sick players were tested and lab results indicated that they had ingested barbiturates. Hijos de Acosvinchos coach Americo Ibanez said that the water bottles were brought onto the field during a pause in the action when a Sport Ancash player was injured. Actually, it is soccer, so the player had probably fallen down and began convulsing violently after an opposing player passed within eight feet of him. Anyhow, Hijos de Acosvinchos players reported a slightly bitter taste to the water but said nothing. They continued to play until they fell ill, but the team lost 3-0 and failed to earn the points to boost them to the upper tier of the league. Sport Ancash officials denied that the players were drugged and instead went with the ever-predictable excuse that they had probably eaten some bad rotisserie chicken. Right, because bad roto chicken is always responsible for guys getting sick mid-game and testing positive for barbiturates. Still, thanks for giving us a nice, meaty poisoning conspiracy to dig into, soccer……..
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