TLC stoops to new lows, India becomes more modern and a victory from scumbags and scoundrels

- Good Lord, TLC. I figured that with your shows about toddler beauty pageants, midgets and the like, there was no depth you would not sink to, but even I didn’t think I would ever see you go this low. Seriously, a show called Extreme Poodles, wherein poodles get turned into living pieces of art by groomers? That is depressing, infuriating and astounding, all at once. Basically, each show centers around four groomers attempting to one-up each other by doing hideous things to their respective poodles. Of course, poodles take forever to groom, so you know this has to be quite the fun experience for these dogs. They get to have some freak who couldn’t cut it as a barber for humans clipping their fur, dying it ridiculous colors and basically treating them like a living, breathing, furry topiary. If you are interested in watching this freak fest, it will air Sunday nights at 9 p.m. on TLC, the same network that previously subjected you to those child labor-exploiting knobs Jon and Kate Gosselin. However, if you are like me and a) love dogs and not seeing them tortured, b) have never wondered for even one second what a poodle would look like with its fur dyed pink and an ungodly number of bows in its hair c) think that anyone taking part in this fiasco should be dragged out to the nearest open field and put in front of a firing squad, then I’m guessing you have much, much better things to do with your Sunday nights. Orange County Choppers was, is and likely will always be the one and only quality show on TLC, so thanks for showing that if you can’t be great, you may as well do everything in your power to suck exponentially, TLC………….

- Score one for the cheaters, liars, scumbags and scoundrels of the world. Disgraced slugger Bar-roid Bonds scored a big legal victory Friday when a federal appeals court ruled that evidence the government says would prove he lied about using steroids is inadmissible in court. The San Francisco-based 9th Circuit U.S. Court of Appeals handed baseball’s (illegitimate) all-time home-run leader the victory in a divided opinion, ruling the government cannot use urine samples and other evidence in its perjury case against the former San Francisco Giants star. The decision is a blow to the government’s case, which has been in progress since December 2008, when Bonds was indicted in federal court on 10 counts of making false statements to a grand jury -- specifically, denying that he knowingly took steroids and other performance-enhancing drugs. Bonds’ criminal trial has been delayed while the legal issues are being worked out and even after this decision, the picture isn’t exactly crystal clear. It’s still uncertain as to whether the Justice Department will now appeal to the Supreme Court in an effort to allow the evidence to be used in court and if it does, the case will drag out even longer. However, the legal dominoes haven’t exactly been falling the government’s way up to this point. This ruling upholds a February 2009 ruling from U.S. District Judge Susan Illston that there was no proof that positive steroid tests from 2000 and 2001 were Bonds' and that out-of-court statements from his former trainer, Greg Anderson, are hearsay. Additionally, the court ruled that Anderson’s continued refusal to testify against Bonds (probably because Bonds is paying him to do so) means evidence allegedly gathered by him is considered "inadmissible, since he would be unable to vouch for its authenticity." Most legal experts believe that this ruling severely damages the foundations of the governments case and could well spell its demise. In reaching its decision, the court’s majority found that when Anderson allegedly took urine samples and delivered them to a Bay-area lab known as BALCO, there was no evidence that those samples belonged to Bonds. Furthermore, the appeals court concluded Anderson was an "independent contractor" -- not directly hired by Bonds. As a result, Bonds also did not control the samples and thus, Anderson would need to testify in person on the material and the chain of possession. The government’s response was to call BALCO executive James Valente to the stand to testify Anderson told him the samples indeed came from Bonds, but the court ultimately sided with the arguments presented by Bonds' lawyers. "Because the government was attempting to use Anderson's out-of-court statements to prove the truth of what they contained, Bonds argued that Anderson's statements were inadmissible hearsay and that the lab results could not be authenticated as Bonds' in that manner," the court’s majority wrote in its decision. Mind you, none of this is going to convince anyone to abandon their already-held position on Bar-roid and whether or not he took steroids. Everyone is staunchly entrenched in their foxhole on that one and those of you who believe that Bar-roid isn’t a cheater……well, you’re still wrong………….

- The times, they are a-changin’. Bob Dylan wrote those lyrics years ago, but they still apply to most any time and place and right now, they apply to India. For centuries, the Hindu-centric nation has been ironclad in its adherence to its caste system and strict religious beliefs, with the latter of those two placing strict regulations on the institution of marriage and also on the idea of divorce. In short, Indian marriages were basically a lifetime commitment whether the husband and wife changed their minds along the way or not. However, the world is constantly changing and evolving and that means India too. Word came down Friday that government officials are implementing measures to stem delays in seeking an early end to failed marriages. In a surprising decision, India's federal cabinet approved "irretrievable breakdown of marriage" as a ground for couples to part ways. Information and broadcasting minister Ambika Soni confirmed the new law, which reverses original Hindu marriage laws, under which both estranged partners have to appear at court proceedings for settlement of their lawsuit for divorce by consent. The problems have arisen from the practice of a divorce petitioner skipping tribunal dates deliberately in order to keep the case dragging in India's notoriously sluggish legal system. "This has been causing considerable hardship to the party in dire need of divorce," Soni said. The legislation will now go before parliament and the current administration hopes that its passage will eliminate harassment of either party in the case and abuse of the existing law on dissolving marriages. While no official data on divorces is readily available, those in the know say four in 100 marriages fail in India. Now that India is intent on stepping onto the global stage in terms of economy and authority in world matters, modernizing its stance on divorce does make sense. Crime data shows a surge in crimes against women, with police recording 95,856 crimes against women in 2008, up from 140,601 in 2003, according to the National Crime Records Bureau. Many of those are believed to stem from unhappy and dysfunctional marriages, specifically from couples bound together in holy matrimony who aren’t able to obtain a divorce in a reasonable amount of time. Whether this new law will address that issue or not, no one can say, but it certainly is another sign that India is becoming more Westernized by the day…………

- Muscular dudes without shirts on have become a must for any company looking to sell deodorant, body spray or body wash nowadays and as it turns out, the gig of being that shirtless dude pitching said products can be both profitable and a stepping stone to something much more substantial. One of those shirtless men, Isaiah Mustafa, has gone from being the star of Old Spice commercials to signing a talent deal with NBC. The network is still trying to determine which new or existing series to add Mustafa to, but he does have previous acting experience to his credit, having played small parts in shows like NCIS, Ugly Betty, and Castle. Those roles all came before he booked the Old Spice ads, which popped up on the pop culture radar in large part because one of them aired during the Super Bowl. Mustafa admitted in an interview shortly thereafter that the Old Spice ads had changed his life and drastically altered his perception and status around Hollywood. “What’s funny is no one knew me as being funny before,” Mustafa stated. “Because the only things I had done were these episodics and procedurals where I was kind of this tough guy, prison guard, cop, or FBI guy. So now, people are like, ‘Oh, he’s funny.’ That commercial … really helped me to climb that ladder of success.” Not only did the ads showcase his comedic side, but Mustafa admitted that they opened doors for auditions and raised his profile within the industry. “People in the industry recognize me. Other actors recognize me at auditions. [A TSA agent] at the airport said, ‘Are you that guy on the commercial? I saw you on the TV last night!’ I was kind of like, ‘You’re asking me questions? Shouldn’t you be, like, checking for bombs?’ So now that he’s signed a deal with NBC, is he done with the deodorant and body wash ads? Not yet, he’s not. Mustafa just shot another Old Spice commercial, which is set to air in the coming months. By the time it does, he could well be a cast member of one of the shows during which the commercial airs…………

- Could it be? Eating dirt is actually a solid health choice? If you believe a group of microbiologists at The Sage Colleges in Troy, New York (and really, who doesn’t believe the learned minds at a fine institution like The Sage Colleges in Troy, New York?), the answer is yes. These scientists found that feeding mice a bacteria that is commonly found in soil had a powerful effect on how well they figured out how to get through a complex maze. Continuing the age-old tradition of making rodents run through mazes, researchers experimented with feeding mice the bacteria and seeing how it impacted their performance. In the end, the researchers were “very surprised" at how much improvement the bacteria, Mycobacterium vaccae, made in the performance of mice that got the bacteria compared to mice that didn't, researcher Dorothy Matthews said. She and colleague, Susan Jenks, presented their results during a recent meeting of the American Society for Microbiology in San Diego, after which I hope they served everyone some delicious mud pies. In the study, the mice that received the bacteria navigated the maze in half the time it took for a control group that did not receive the bacteria. The maze was a complex one, with mice having to make a total of eight decisions about which pathway to follow. “It was complicated. If I was going to a place where I needed to make eight decisions about turning left or right, I would consider that a pretty high order task," Matthews said. Based on these findings, one might surmise that we should all head outside, find the nearest patch of exposed earth and slam our faces into it for a snack. However, Matthews and Jenks caution that there is no need for you to go out and munch on dirt, as the bacteria is so common that we are probably exposed to a sufficient dose every time we walk down a path, or work in the garden, or simply dig in the dirt. The findings build on previous studies showing that the bacteria injected into mice stimulated growth of some neurons in the brain that resulted in increased levels of serotonin and decreased anxiety. "The notion that a bacterium that could influence the function of the brain in a positive way was fascinating to me," Matthews said. Serotonin has been linked with accelerated learning and that’s what inspired Matthews and her team to measure how much it helped mice in a controlled lab experiment. Their subjects were 20 immature 38-day-old-mice (mice in that range are notorious for being the immature rebels of the rodent world) that were given a couple of weeks to mature and feel comfortable in their new home. Their reward for successfully completing the maze was a slice of bread coated in peanut butter. In the end, the bacteria-eating mice were more focused and successful in the maze than their non-bacteria-eating counterparts. Now if we can only find a way to get dirt on the menus of fine eateries across this great nation………..