- No. Why? Because you’re Chad Kroeger, that’s why. That’s
why every word you say is invalid when you rip
Slipknot singer Corey Taylor, arguing that his band are a “gimmick” and
denounce his side-project Stone Sour as “Nickelback Lite.” Again, you’re Chad
F’ing Kroeger, frontman of the biggest poseur arena rock band ever, dude who
believes that his man perm he often rocks and his bedazzled lady-style jeans
and tight black t-shirt worn while singing like he’s trying to pass a kidney
stone are somehow acceptable. Kroeger’s selling point here is what he somewhat
unbelievably promotes as the diversity of Nickelback’s music, which may be true
if you consider finding new and crass ways to say things like enjoying a
woman’s pants around her knees to be diverse. “I can’t think of another band
that’s as diverse as we are. I can’t. And I don’t think that’s me talking from
pride or ego,” the former Mr. Avril Lavigne said. He’s correct there too,
because what he appears to be speaking from is either sheer insanity or
outright delusion, but definitely not pride of ego. When asked if maybe Stone Sour
was as diverse as Nickelback, Kroeger replied: “Yeah, because they’re trying to
be Nickelback… They’re okay, but they’re not as good as Nickelback. They sound
like Nickelback Lite.” Now THAT is ego talking because NO ONE - NO ONE! - is
trying to emulate Nickelhack and the ‘Hack knows it as well as anyone. Kroeger
trying to put down Slipknot by saying the band “had to put on masks and jump
around. How good can your music be if you’ve got to beat each other up on
stage, throw up in your own masks every night?” How good? Much better than
yours, but then again, so is every other rock band in the whole, wide sonic
world……..
- Today’s affirmation that not everyone should be a parent
comes from Minnesota, where a fatherly failure is accused of abusing his infant
daughter by rubbing hot sauce in her eyes, snapping a towel and throwing
fireworks in her face. According to a criminal complaint, Shawn Michael Foltz
was arrested and charged with neglect of a child, malicious punishment of a
child and third-degree assault after the mother of his 2-month-old daughter
brought the child to the hospital with bruises throughout her face and body.
According to the mother, the paternal genius with whom she was somehow dumb
enough to have a child crafted an elaborate tale in which the infant received
those injuries when an older sibling hit her with a toy gun. Amazingly, given
the level of sophistication and genius this Mensa clearly has, his cockamamie tale
quickly fell apart during questioning as he admitted to police that he would
snap a towel in the baby's face and hit her bottom with a wooden spoon or vinyl
flooring because he was frustrated with her crying, according to the complaint.
His other parenting techniques included splashing hot water on the infant and
throwing fireworks at the child’s face, causing burns on her body, along with rubbing
hot sauce and cayenne pepper in the baby's eyes and blocking her airway until
she turned blue. Best of all, this stooge needed to spend time plotting new
torture techniques for his child while he was at work, because being a bad
father wasn’t enough; being a bad employee was a logical next step………
- Welcome back, soccer. It’s been a while since your typical
ridiculousness - flopping, diving,
diva-ness, faked injuries, daily riots - has risen to the level of
noteworthiness, but thanks to Brazil international and Shanghai SIPG midfielder
Oscar has thrust his sport back into the limelight with some extremely sketchy
actions sparked a brawl that saw two men sent off during the SIOG’s Chinese
Super League game against Guangzhou R&F. The one-named wonder was angrily
confronted by opponents after twice appearing to deliberately kick the ball at
them, but insisted that he was in no way looking down on his less-famous foes.
"Disrespect the opponent? It is not true," Oscar said. "I am a
very dedicated player and respect sportsmanship." Yes, because a dude who
goes by one name and has the diva reputation that Oscar has would never, ever
diss a bunch of Chinese Super League players who haven't achieved 1/10th what
he has on the international stage. But Oscar did find a supporter in the form
of SIPG manager Andre Villas-Boas, who backed him up and said he had acted in
the interests of the team. "Oscar is not a dirty player," he said.
"I believe he was hoping to show some passion and fighting spirit. The
match was very intense, and he wanted to help the team. But of course I believe
this kind of conflict should be avoided." Maybe Oscar was just pissy
because the game ended in a 1-1 draw, a result that leaves Shanghai four points
behind leaders Guangzhou Evergrande in the standings………
- If you’re going to commit a senseless crime involving a
gun, you may as well stir the echoes of Nazi ugliness in the process, eh
unidentified Australian man arrested after police found a Nazi sub-machine gun
and 60 rounds of ammunition in the car he was riding in during a traffic stop? New
South Wales police had a real kook on their hands, given that the country’s
strict gun control laws require that all firearms be registered and that people
who use them have a license to do so and this idiot was toting a World War
II-era sub-machine gun in the car when he was arrested. In the aftermath of
their big find, police are performing a forensic exam in order to determine
whether the weapon can be linked to other incidents and in the meantime, its
holder is being denied bail on a
prohibited weapons charge. "It's a very robust weapon," Shane Casey,
senior curator at the Australian War Memorial. "Anyone who is interested
in Germany army history or the second World War would recognize this weapon
immediately." This probably isn't what the Australian government had in
mind last week when it initiated a national gun amnesty in response to growing
terrorism threats and the flow of illicit firearms across its borders. As the
suspect in this case will soon learn, anyone found with prohibited weapons can
face up to 14 years in prison or fines that exceed $200,000. A similar amnesty
was laid down in 1996 and in the wake of that push, the country destroyed some
650,000 firearms and gun crimes dropped sharply. Idiocy, however, is one crime
that will never fully disappear……
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