Science v. listeria, domestic Riot Watch! and HBO goes to Silicon Valley

- Hey there NCAA president/chief ass hat Mark Emmert. It’s good to see your as much of a tool as ever. Emmert is never far from the spotlight and that’s good because the world needs frequent reminders of how the chief hypocrite in an organization full of them manages to be both corrupt and incompetent on a daily basis. During an extensive press conference at the Final Four, Emmert and other college administrators took time to weigh in on the current topic du juor in collage sports: the court victory by Northwestern University football players to unionize. As one would expect from a biased bureaucrat whose organization makes $913 million a year off the backs of athletes who have virtually no rights when stacked up against the organization that so ineptly governs them, Emmert is not in favor of athletes banding together and standing up for themselves. Emmert claimed to be in favor of changes allowing a governance structure that will likely include cost of attendance and autonomy for the power conferences, but tried to stamp out any ideas of a union that could demand better health benefits or oppose practices it deemed unfair or not in the best interests of its members. "To be perfectly frank, the notion of using a union employee model to address the challenges that do exist in intercollegiate athletics is something that strikes most people as a grossly inappropriate solution to the problems," Emmert said. "It would blow up everything about the collegiate model of athletics." Not actually, M. It would demolish YOUR model of collegiate athletics, but no one other than you is saying that is the right way or the only way. The National Labor Relations Board recently ruled that it agreed with a filing made by Northwestern football players that they qualify as employees of their schools and can unionize and that’s a problem for people whose business thrives on cheap labor that they don’t have to share any of their profits with. "There's some things that need to get fixed," Emmert said. "They're working very aggressively to do that. No one up here believes that the way you fix that is by converting student-athletes into unionized employees." Yes, but interesting enough, no athletes were up “here” and it was a bunch of rich dudes in suits who make a nice living from ruling over their serfs, er, student-athletes………..

- There are more twists to come in the saga of Ukraine. Just when it seemed the world knew all of the players and could choose sides in the battle between Ukraine, Russia and the West, another group has bumbled its way onto the scene. Ukrainian authorities confirmed this group’s presence by announcing it had dismantled an armed underground group allegedly plotting against the Kiev-based government and planning to launch an attack in a few days. According to the Security Service, 15 people were detained following a large-scale operation in the eastern city of Luhansk. These yahoos were well armed, with a stockpile of about 300 guns, a grenade launcher as well as numerous grenades, Molotov cocktails and a significant amount of knives, according to the agency. The weapons are believed to have been intended for an April 10 attack in the eastern city of Luhansk. Those arrested face charges that include betraying the government and weapons violations and their plot isn’t surprising given that Luhansk is on the border with Russia in eastern Ukraine, a region that some say could follow the lead of Crimea and soon fall under Moscow's control. Luhansk has been identified as a possible target for Russian forces seeking to establish a land bridge to Crimea and this mob of madmen apparently wanted to play a part in it. Russia continues to dance around the issues in talks with the internatioal community and it would seem that some people in the midst of the mayhem are tired of waiting for the powers that be to figure their sh*t out. A Molotov cocktail always adds something to the peace process and here’s hoping more people out there decide to turn militant mixologist……….

- Mike Judge will forever be an icon to slackers and imprisoned cubicle dwellers everywhere with his 1999 cult favorite film “Office Space.” In that movie, a disillusioned office worker decides he’s had enough of his BS job and conspires with two co-workers to defraud that company of millions of dollars. Judge has attained some success in the 15 years since, but nothing approaching the tale of Peter Gibbons and his pals. He is taking another run at the idea with his new HBO comedy series “Silicon Valley.” The new show bears some similarities to “Office Space,” but Judge says he didn’t always grasp the parallels. "It actually didn't occur to me right away the parallels between this and Office Space," Judge said. "I've always been interested in just comedy about these personality types. ... It just seemed like an area that there would be a lot of comedy." His new series draws from his own experience moving to Silicon Valley to join a start-up video card company before leaving several months later. That time in his life governs the lives of the new show and the six computer programmers who make it go. The pilot episode features programmer Richard (Thomas Middleditch) has his boss and a billionaire venture capitalist in a bidding war over his lucrative new app. "It's about the story of these introverted, awkward people going on this journey where the stakes are billions of dollars and two billionaires with scores to settle," Judge added. "It could build into a big company. It could not. People could sue each other. There's all kinds of real stuff that could happen in this world.” Also in the storylines for the show is a theme that Judge lived out when he left his start-up job and became a bass player with a touring blues band. “It turns into a Band of Brothers-type thing with comedy," Judge said. "It makes for a different dynamic between these guys that they're just together 24 hours a day.” He researched the show by returning to his old home territory to visit places such as Google and the annual TechCrunch conference. The question now is how much sex, nudity and violence can be worked in so the show fits with the rest of HBO’s offerings………

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! This one is domestic and it is not difficult to decipher in terms of reasoning or motive. The rage fest that broke out over the weekend near the weekend wasn’t exactly an abused people rising up against a corrupt regime. No, it was 15,000 people whose parents pay a sh*t load of money to send them to a party school getting together for the annual "Deltopia" celebration and having too much better, too much testosterone and an undetermined amount of illegal drugs to turn their block party into a near-block burning. The party went from a rager to a violent melee that injured six police officers in a California in a matter of minutes after students from nearby University of California, Santa Barbara crowded the streets of Isla Vista. A news release from the Santa Barbara County Sheriff's Office confirmed that "a major disturbance broke out” and noted that the evening came off the rails when a UCSB police officer was "hit in the head with a backpack that contained large bottles of alcohol," causing a "significant head injury.” Hopefully those bottles were empty because the only thing worse than assaulting a police officer with a backpack full of bottles is wasting good, cheap beer in the process. Once things went sideways, a large crowd threw rocks, bricks and bottles at police officers who were arresting the person suspected of hitting the officer. A "major disturbance, emergency situation" was declared and law enforcement officers from nearby Ventura County responded to help the Santa Barbara County deputies who were on the scene but overwhelmed by the angry mob. Chemical agents and less lethal foam projectiles were deployed to disperse the crowds. Five more officers -- Santa Barbara County deputies -- were injured after one was clocked in the head with a brick and two more were struck with bottles. When the smoke quite literally cleared, a remarkable scene of torn-down stop signs, smoldering fires, property damage and vehicle damage remained. More than two dozen people were injured and at least 18 people were arrested in connection with the disturbance, while another 80 or so were arrested at other times during the party, the sheriff's office said. At least it wasn’t for no valid reason………

- What is science up to these days? How about mapping genes in order to outwit outbreaks by decoding the DNA of potentially deadly bacteria and viruses? The target for this effort is listeria, the third-leading cause of death from food poisoning and bacteria that are especially dangerous to pregnant women. Government researchers working on the technology credit it for helping to solve a listeria outbreak that killed one person in California and sickened seven others in Maryland. "This really is a new way to find and fight infections," said Dr. Tom Frieden, director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. "One way to think of it is, is it identifying a suspect by a lineup or by a fingerprint?" Genome sequencing, or mapping all of an organism's DNA, has not been used extensively in public health research, where officials tend to rely on dated tests that use pieces of DNA and aren't as precise. "Frankly, in public health, we have some catching up to do," said project leader Dr. Christopher Braden. Genome sequencing has grown faster and cheaper and now, Congress has funneled $30 million to the CDC to broaden its use of a program called advanced molecular detection. Rarely do government projects achieve their objectives, but the aim of this one is to solve outbreaks faster and prevent infections by better understanding how they spread. To begin the process, federal and state officials are rapidly decoding the DNA of all the listeria infections diagnosed in the U.S. this year, along with samples found in tainted foods or factories. A successful first step could lead to a national overhaul of how public health laboratories keep watch on food safety. Processing and cataloguing all of that information won't be easy, but it would be beneficial………

Blinged-out bishops, Golden State coaching carnage and Libyan rage

- Is the Wi-Fi at the Starbucks where you lug your printer, laptop and tablet too slow for a respectable businessperson who is also too damn cheap to actually get a real office and stop mooching off someone else? If so, good news is on the way thanks to telecommunications giant Qualcomm. The company announced plans late last week for new technology that it says could triple Wi-Fi speeds for homes, offices and public networks. At present, Wi-Fi networks can only serve one device at a time, cycling quickly among different users. As anyone trying to download movies illegally at the library or streaming their favorite TV show from a corner table at the local fast food restaurant knows, that means slower speeds for everyone when more devices connect to the network. “On a network like this, streaming or video chatting can be like sitting in the driver's seat at rush hour: you'll get to your destination, but it's going to take some time,” Qualcomm said in a statement. To counter this problem, Qualcomm has spent the past seven years coming up with a way to allow networks to transmit data to multiple groups of users simultaneously using algorithms that adapt on the fly to changes in usage. Their works has led to MU-MIMO, which stands for "multi-user, multiple input, multiple output." Now that its new gadget has been mostly perfected, the company plans to sell MU-MIMO-enabled chips to manufacturers of wireless routers and access points, as well as to companies that make smartphones, tablets and other consumer electronics. MU-MIMO can supposedly boost download speeds by two to three times. However, devices on MU-MIMO networks that aren't equipped with the technology won't see quite that improvement. They may see minor increases, according to Todd Antes, vice president of product management at Qualcomm's Atheros unit. "Using MU-MIMO is like using the carpool lane: the Wi-Fi Highway doesn't change, but grouping up with other users lets you go much faster while de-congesting the other lanes," the company said in its statement. Demonstrations of MU-MIMO will begin in the months ahead and the product is expected to be available commercially early next year……….

- Libya has to have settled down by now, right? It’s not as if a nation can sustain and survive that much rage for that long a period of time….can it? Think again. The rage lives on and it was on full display over the weekend as angry activists blocked the road to Benghazi's international airport, protesting against the country's parliament, which was due to dissolve two months ago. When politicians stick around too long, the people riot and a security official in Libya confirmed the uprising that includes an awesome display of dissidence in which activists set tires ablaze Sunday on main roads, including the one leading to the airport. Not only did these bold souls block a main road and choke off traffic to the airport, but they also created enough havoc to force a university, some governmental schools, banks and the city's port to close. Accomplishing all of that with only crude weapons of resistance and a fondness for pyromania is impressive. The drama could have been avoided if only Libya's parliament, split between Islamist and non-Islamist blocs, dissolved Feb. 7 as it was supposed to. Instead of following the plan, the parliament kept on chugging along in bureaucratic inertia after Islamists led a motion to extend its mandate by another year. Even a transparent attempt to curry favor and stem the rising tide of rage by voting to hold early elections this spring hasn’t done much damage to the resistance movement and regular protests against lawmakers continue to be the norm in a nation where riots and clashes with security forces have become a way of life…………

- Rent, don’t buy. That philosophy should be tattooed on the forehead of every member of the Golden State Warriors’ coaching staff – and if the likelihood that a man with an unsightly tattoo on his face will soon be fired seems obvious, just know that’s likely to happen anyhow. In the past two weeks, the playoff-bound Warriors have offed two of their assistants in the sort of coaching carnage that is rarely displayed by a team hoping to make noise in the postseason in less than three weeks. The last pink-slipping came on Saturday when the team axed assistant Darren Erman on Saturday for "a violation of company policy," general manager Bob Myers said. Myers added that "this is the type of decision that would be made across the board and irrespective of position within the organization." The firing came less than 14 days after head coach Brian Scalabrine was sent packing by head coach Mark Jackson to the team's NBA Development League affiliate in Santa Cruz. "Obviously, the timing is unfortunate, but we hold all of our employees, whether in basketball operations or other aspects of the business, accountable for their actions and to the same standard," Myers said. Scalabrine’s exodus was attributed to what Jackson called a "difference in philosophies." Erman had been with the Warriors for three seasons and coached their summer league championship team in Las Vegas last year. Most of his job consisted of reviewing video and studying opponents, but violating company policy made him expendable – whatever the hell that means. No stories of arrests, orgies or sex tapes have surfaced, so it could be something less sordid. The Warriors are leaking serious oil despite topping Utah Sunday night and standing sixth in the Western Conference. At this pace, Jackson is going to be a one-man coaching staff by the time the playoffs begin later this month………

- As George Costanza might ask, “Was that wrong?” The Archbishop of Atlanta may have taken a long, long time to come to that conclusion, but at long last he has opened his eyes to the fact that living in a $2.2 million mansion while his flock struggled to make ends meet was not exactly being about God’s work. After being publicly excoriated by church officials and parishioners, Archbishop Wilton Gregory finally announced Saturday that he would vacate his $2.2 million mansion in early May. His announcement came after a meeting with members of several church councils and parishioners at his headquarters and let’s just say the acrhbishop didn’t exactly display overwhelming intelligence in what he said afterward. "I want to thank those parishioners whose prayers, counsel and concern brought this issue to light and ensured that their Archbishop was properly attuned to the important symbolism of simple actions and the challenges faced by many of the faithful in the Archdiocese of Atlanta," Gregory said in a statement. Brought the issue to light? You couldn’t look at the lavish home around you and realize that sort of opulence looked really bad when your church is full of middle-class folks? It shouldn’t take a closed-door meeting with 60 angry members of the Archdiocesan Pastoral and Finance Council, the Council of Priests and parishioners to clue you in to that reality. Gregory moved into the 6,000-square-foot home in Atlanta's upscale Buckhead neighborhood in January and living on land donated by Joseph Mitchell, nephew of "Gone With the Wind" novelist Margaret Mitchell, caused a bit of a stir. Three months later, he finally apologized publicly for building the mansion. "What we didn't stop to consider, and that oversight rests with me and me alone, was that the world and the Church have changed," Gregory wrote Monday in the archdiocesan newspaper. Gregory will now move into another available Archdiocesan property and not a moment too soon after the Pope accepted the resignation of Bishop Franz-Peter Tebartz-van Elst, also known as the "Bling Bishop," who spent $42 million renovating his residence in Limburg, Germany. The pope has made much of living in as humble of settings as possible, so some random bishop in Georgia might want to follow suit……….

- The box office field was once again no match for a superhero. “Captain America: The Winter Soldier” kicked plenty of ass on its way to a $96.2 million weekend and debuted with enough income to get more than halfway to earning back its $170 million budget. That bumped reigning earnings champion “Noah” to second place with $17 million, giving the Biblically-inspired epic with $72.3 million in domestic earnings through two weeks. “Divergent” fell one spot to third place, banking $13 million to up its three-week tally to $114 million and counting. The Almighty’s grip on the top five held for another weekend as “God’s Not Dead” finished fourth with $7.8 million, giving the morally upright flick $32.5 million in three weeks of relatively limited release. Fifth place went to “The Grand Budapest Hotel,” which raked in $6.4 million and has remained successful in limited release with $33.4 million in five weeks in theaters. Up next was sixth-place finisher “Muppets Most Wanted,” which hummed along with $6.3 million and has amassed a modest haul of $42.1 million after three weeks. It did well enough to hold off “Mr. Peabody & Sherman,” ranking seventh in its fifth weekend of release thanks to $5.4 million in domestic earnings. The animated movie has now surpassed the $100 million mark with $102.2 million in domestic earnings. “Sabotage” secured eighth place with $1.9 million in weekend earnings, good enough for a disappointing two-week total of $8.8 million. Ninth place belonged to “Need for Speed,” which slowed down considerably (56 percent) in its fourth weekend with a scant $1.8 million and has now brought in $40.9 million in four weeks. The last spot in the top 10 went to “Non-Stop,” hanging on with $1.7 million to bump its domestic take to $88.2 million through six weeks. “300: Rise of An Empire” (No. 12) lost its spot from last weekend’s top 10………..

Panama gets a subway, a Sex Pistol alongside Jesus and depressing depression news

- Rep. Jim Moran (D-Va.) is not what one would call self-aware. That’s is perhaps to be expected of a man whose district includes two counties - Arlington County and Fairfax County – that both rank in the top five nationally when it comes to average income. Folks from those sorts of places are often self-absorbed and wrapped up in their own wealth and supposed self-importance and it seems fitting that their representative in Congress is the same way. Any sane, non-narcissistic man would not be saying asinine sh*t like, “Congress is underpaid and we can’t afford to live decently in our adopted home city. “I think the American people should know that the members of Congress are underpaid,” Moran said. “I understand that it’s widely felt that they underperform, but the fact is that this is the board of directors for the largest economic entity in the world.” Right, and if any board of directors underperformed the way Congress does on a goddamn annual basis, their company would throw them out on their asses in less than a month. Members of Congress currently make $174,000 a year and given their rate of production and proficiency, they shouldn’t even be making a quarter of that. Hearing a representative b*tch about low pay and no raises for three years is not only offensive to the American people; it’s a downright invitation to drive to D.C., storm Capitol Hill and cave that representative’s face in with a cue ball and a sock. “Our pay has been frozen for three years and we’re planning on freezing it a fourth year. … A lot of members can’t even afford to live decently in Washington,” Moran whined. This ass hat plans to l introduce an amendment to fix the problem during debate over the Legislative Branch bill and with any luck, his colleagues will realize what a knob he is and kill that bill before it takes a single step forward………

- Is Milwaukee Bucks center Larry Sanders as brilliant a visionary as he seems? Sure, on the surface he looks like a degenerate stoner who can't stay sober even though he makes $11 million a year when he is so. But dig deeper and a clearer picture emerges, one in which a player with a passion for ganja could eventually head to a place where his favorite herb is totally acceptable. Just hours after it was announced he would be suspended five games by the NBA for use of the hippie lettuce, Sanders advocated for marijuana's legalization. It's something I feel strongly about, just to let you know something personal about me," Sanders said. "I will deal with the consequences from it. "It's a banned substance in my league. But I believe in marijuana and the medical side of it. I know what it is if I'm going to use it." He added that the drug's stigma is rooted in its illegal status and that once its prohibition is lifted, "this all will go away." Those words are even more prescient when one considers that the Bucks are widely considered to be the lone NBA team with a chance to relocate in the near future and adds in the knowledge that Seattle – a.k.a. the unofficial capital of the stoner utopia that is Washington – is the surefire destination if and when a team moves. Should the Bucks pack up and head to the Pacific Northwest, Sanders would be in heaven if the league allowed pot and so did the state in which he made his living. "In a lot of ways we've been deprived," Sanders said. "You can't really label it with so many other drugs that people can be addicted to and have so many negative effects on your body and your family and your relationships and impairment. This is not the same thing.” Well said, Lar. You have company in New York Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie, who argued in February that the NFL was wasting its time in banning the drug. Sanders did apologize for letting his team and its fans down, but clearly his sights are set on something much more important……..

- Depression statistics are depressing. For example, how does it make you feel to know that depression is one of the leading causes of deaths across the world? Sad, right? Depression sufferers are gloomy, they can't function well and they need lots of medication and counseling. So why are Norwegian researchers piling on with the knowledge that depression literally affects the heart? A study led by researcher Lise Tuset Gustad surveyed 63,000 Norwegians and found that moderate to severe depression increases the risk of heart failure by 40 percent. Gustad, an intensive care nurse at Levanger Hospital in Norway, described the close tie between depression and a dysfunctional ticker. “We found a dose response relationship between depressive symptoms and the risk of developing heart failure. That means that the more depressed you feel, the more you are at risk,” Gustad said. She resented the findings at the nonstop kegger that is EuroHeartCare 2014, the official annual meeting of the Council on Cardiovascular Nursing and Allied Professions of the European Society of Cardiology. For their project, Gustad and her team tracked patients who were hospitalized with heart failure or died from it over am 11-year period. Of that group, 1,500 people developed heart failure. When compared to residents with no symptoms of depression, people with mild symptoms had a 5-percent rise in their risk of developing heart failure and those with moderate to severe symptoms had a 40 percent increase in their risk.
With this information, the research team developed a theory in which depression triggers the release of stress hormones which induce inflammation and atherosclerosis and those symptoms worsen a person's existing heart disease. Most psychiatrists agree that the best way to overcome depression and its wide-reaching effects its to catch it early in life. For the rest of us, it’s merely a matter of not letting the nonstop negative news about this psychological downer drag us to the depths with it………

- Panama gets a lot of credit for its canal. Not so much for its public transportation, but President Ricardo Martinelli wants to change that in his final weeks in office. The Panamanian leader brought the pomp and circumstance on Saturday when he inaugurated the most-emblematic project of a five-year term marked by fast economic growth and more than a hint of pomposity. In unveiling Central America's first subway system – a project aimed at alleviating Panama City’s gawd-awful traffic, Matrinelli offered a counterpoint to critics who have blasted the  $2 billion spent on the 9-mile rail line. Those critics argue that the money would have been better used building a higher-capacity surface transport network and expanded bus system. Others lamented the grandiose party to mark the occasion, with a free concert and fireworks being deemed a bit over the top just to celebrate a subway system. To the cynic, this could be nothing more than a month before Panama's elections to drum up support for Martinelli's preferred successor, former Housing Minister Jose Domingo Arias. Despite Saturday’s party, trains won't run a full schedule until Monday. Martinelli, knowing he is knocking on retirement’s doorstep, predictably doesn’t give a damn what his critics say. The 62-year-old supermarket magnate is fond of saying that he has accomplished more in five years than was done in the previous 50. With an approval rating of 60 percent, it seems his constituents agree. He is also confident in his ability to get chosen successor elected, which no incumbent Panamanian president has done since democracy was restored in 1989. "This is a project that makes the opposition burn," said presidential aide Roberto Henriquez. "But gentleman, I'm sorry: The metro is a reality, and next week we'll be delivering the benefits to all the people." Boom. That is straight fire right there. Along with his subway project, Matrinelli has overseen the spending of  $15 billion on infrastructure improvements, including new hospitals, airports and 990 miles of highways. His arrogance will be tough to replace regardless of who succeeds him…….

- Consider this one of the least likely casting choices on or off Broadway in recent memory. Former Sex Pistols frontman John Lydon has rarely been linked to anything religious or holy, but that isn't stopping the raunchy rocker from agreeing to star in a new production of the stage musical Jesus Christ Superstar. Granted, Lydon isn't appearing as the Son of God himself, but being in the same room with someone playing the messiah seems a bit odd for a guy whose career could be measured in groupies slept with, rows of cocaine snorted or number of hangovers the morning after a rocking post-show party. Lydon will appear as King Herod in the touring production of the Andrew Lloyd Webber and Tim Rice musical, taking the stage with fellow recording artists Brandon Boyd of Incubus, Destiny’s Child member Michelle Williams and former man-bander JC Chasez of ‘N Sync Degrees Town Boys. Boyd will hold down the role of Judas, while Williams will play Mary and Chasez will play Pontius Pilate. The tour will be an extensive one, spanning 50 dates and starting June 9 in New Orleans. Along with his role as a traveling thespian, Lydon is also set to release his autobiography later this year and as chance would have it, being a part of a well-known musical is an excellent way to generate publicity ahead of the release of a book containing one’s life story. Lydon and music journalist Andrew Perry will pen the tome, which will hit shelves in October. "This book is basically about the life of a serious risk-taker," Lydon said. "I make things safe for other people to follow on in my wake. I'm a stand-up-and-be-counted fella – but that's in a world where nobody seems to be able to count." Hey oh, Johnny……..

Yellostone on the verge, Golf Digest cover skanks and Norway fights back

- Kasabian has itself a big day. The British indie rockers were announced as the headliners for this year’s Glastonbury festival and shortly thereafter, they did a little bit of graffiti work in east London. Tom Meighan and Serge Pizzorno – wearing overalls with the words 'malted milk' printed on the back – showed up in the British capital and painted a wall with the curious message “48:13.” The white wall was bare before they showed up, but Meighan and Pizzorno scrawled on it with pink paint and then added stenciled numbers in black. No one is quite sure what they were up to, but the building is located on some prime real estate next to a nail bar on Dalston's Kingsland Road. It belongs to artist and fashion designer Aitor Throup, who designed the cover artwork for the band’s 2011 “Velociraptor!” album and directed the video for the track “Switchblade Smiles.”  Throup seems to be in on whatever this stunt was and explained his close ties with the band. "Kasabian are my brothers. I met Tom when he wore the England football shirt I designed onstage,” he said. “We've worked together since then [2010] and I've done set design for them at Reading and Leeds Festival and the Olympic Park show (in 2013).” After observing the graffiti, he gave the art mixed results. "I don't think Tom's ever picked up a paintbrush in his life. He has good graffiti skills, but Serge was a bit better with a roller,” Throup added. When pressed on the meaning of the artwork, he was evasive and said only that it was "part of something bigger.” As far as publicity stunts for bands go, this is one of the more fun and interesting ones, even if the payoff likely won't match up to the hype…….

- Are fast food workers still angry? Well, is french fry grease hot or are double cheeseburgers with bacon fatty? Months after walkouts and protests in which fast food workers nationwide demanded a living wage and complained that they couldn’t survive on the minimum-wage drivel that their employer shovels their way, it appears that at least some of those who angrily ranted into local television cameras and vowed never to back down are still at it. The latest instance came Thursday in Atlanta, where fast food workers and their supporters hit the streets to rage against what they self-righteously declared to be a corrupt system. The demonstration took place inside a McDonald's on Moreland Avenue, with protesters marching in the restaurant holding signs that read: “Fair Wage, It's Good Business.” In order to kick things up another notch, one protestor brought a bullhorn with her and used it to talk some junk to a Ronald McDonald look-a-like in the crowd. Talking junk to a clown in white makeup and a yellow jumpsuit is typically a sign your life has taken a horrible turn for the worst, but the allegations against the McDonald’s in question are nearly as ugly as this whole scene. The enraged employees accuse managers of stealing their money by forcing them to work off the clock and not paying them overtime. They're ugly charges reminiscent of a Filipino sweatshop making Nike shoes, but Atlanta police showed up to put an end to the mini-uprising and dispersed protestors without much of a fight. Maybe next time, someone needs to empty out the fry grease and carry it with them during the protest so the gathering can take on the feel of a medieval revolt when boiling oil is poured down the castle walls at attackers. In this case, it will have to be the slide on the McDonald’s playground or the walls of the ball pit, but the point will be made………

- Norway may seem like a tranquil, placid place full of fjords, moose, premium seafood and people rocking wool sweaters….and it is, but don’t assume that means the Norwegians will just roll over and take it when the world around them tries to screw them over. The Nordic nation has some valuable natural resources within its borders and protecting those resources – fish cakes and all – is a top priority for a nation that is smart enough to maintain its own currency and relative financial independence from the topsy-turvy European Union. As its next step toward long-term fiscal security, Norway is reportedly considering excluding foreign oil and coal companies from its $860 billion sovereign wealth fund, which manages profits from the country's own fossil fuel industry. Finance Minister Siv Jensen announced Friday that she is taking the thoroughly bureaucratic step of appointing a panel to assess the question on environmental grounds. That panel will supposedly report back to the government in November, which sounds like an awfully quick turnaround for any governmental entity. Panel or not, the move underscores Norway’s burgeoning ambition to be a leader in global efforts to fight climate change while continuing to hunt for oil and gas in its waters. That may seem a bit hypocritical, but the dichotomy is so much easier to stomach when coming from such a nice nation that annually ranks among the world’s happiest countries. Jensen also suggested eliminating an ethics council that decides which companies should be excluded from the oil fund on ethical grounds and posited that Norway's central bank should take over that responsibility. There’s nothing like a little jingoism to stir up the political scene in any part of the world………

- Retract claws, ladies of the LPGA Tour. While  the initial response to some scantily clad skank who just happens to be engaged to a top player on the PGA Tour appearing on the cover of Golf Digest instead of you, it’s time for reality check. Yes, Paulina Gretzky's presence in an alluring pose on the cover of an upcoming issue of the magazine might seem like an insult to all of the hard work you put in, but let’s look closer. Gretzky is known for slutty Instagram photos and other trampy behavior and that’s probably why she is also the fiancée of PGA Tour pro Dustin Johnson. She happens to be the daughter of former NHL great Wayne Gretzky and she also looks damn good in g a white bikini top and matching leggings on the cover of that magazine. On the opposite side of the ledger, no one knows or cares who any of the players on the LPGA Tour are and while some of them are very attractive and could look just as good on the cover of a magazine, no one is paying attention to their skills on the course and they shouldn’t pretend otherwise. "It's frustrating for female golfers," said Stacy Lewis, the No. 3-ranked player in the world. "It's the state of where we've always been. We don't get the respect for being the golfers we are. Obviously, Golf Digest is trying to sell magazines, but at the same time you like to see a little respect for the women's game." You might, but you’re the only ones. Everyone who doesn’t play on the tour or derive a living from it could not care less. Besides, anyone paying attention knew this cover was a virtual certainty. The last two women featured on the Golf Digest cover were Holly Sonders last May and model Kate Upton, who was shot with Arnold Palmer for the December issue. No LPGA player has graced the cover since Lorena Ochoa in 2008 and that’s not a coincidence. Predictably, other female golfers stepped up in support of Lewis. "It's Golf Digest, it's not Sports Illustrated's swimsuit issue," LPGA icon Juli Inkster lamented. The magazine defended its cover by saying in an online preview that Gretzky "ranks at the high end of the golf celebrity scene today, and she has a compelling story to tell. She also might get some new people interested in the game." Umm, not really. No one is getting interested in golf because they see a hot chick on the cover of a golf magazine, not unless Gretzky is going to caddie for them dressed that way when they play their first round……….

- Is there a supervolcano in Yellowstone National Park or not? Here’s hoping, because national parks are honestly a bit boring without some unique natural phenomenon to liven them up and a supervolcano is just the trick for a snoozefest like the ‘Stone. The rumors of such an entity have been sweeping the Internet ever since viral videos of buffalo fleeing a certain area of the park surfaced a few weeks back. The mini-panic left park officials rushing to combat the mistruths and urban legends so visitors and locals don’t fly into a full-fledged panic. All of the drama began after a 4.8 magnitude earthquake hit the park on March 30. No one is denying that seismic activity has been increasing lately or that the earthquake was the largest to hit the park since 1980. That created a perfect storm when combined with a declining number of buffalo living in the part – down 25 percent this winter alone – and the videos that have shown up on various websites depicting the massive beasts fleeing the park like horrified bystanders trying to get out of the area any time Pitbull starts “rapping.” The most dramatic rumor swirling is that the quake could lead to the eruption of a supervolcano in Yellowstone. That wild theory is fueled by the reality that Yellowstone National Park sits on the Yellowstone Caldera, the crater of a massive supervolcano that scientists recently discovered is a lot larger than they previously thought. However, park officials deny claims that the video was actually taken before the large quake and that the buffalo are fleeing towards the center of the Caldera, not away from it. Their argument is that it is perfectly normal for animals to be running around looking for food at this time of the year. Should this supervolcano erupt, it could cover half of North America in ash. That would be a quality vacation story to tell for Yellowstone visitors……….

Greek corruption, Jack White goes one-day release and the Cubs embarrass themselves again

- Time to silence those pesky pooches, residents of Palmetto Bay, Fla. If you don’t, The Man will do it for you. Mayor Shelley Stanczyk has received one too may complaints from residents who are pissed that Fido or Rocky won't stop barking at night and when they knock on their neighbor’s door and demand that the dog’s owner shut their pet up, nothing happens. In response, Stanczyk has roposed that the noise ordinance be changed to allow anyone to file a complaint with the city for a dog that barked for 20 minutes or longer, or more than five times in an hour. While this could lead to a sudden surge in purchases of video and/or audio recording equipment, the proposed penalties are a nice step in the right direction for people WHO JUST WANT SOME GODDAMN PEACE AND QUIET FOR A WHILE. A first violation would net a measly warning, but the second would net a $250 fine, followed by a $500 ding for a third violation. In order to truly make a difference and get through to the kooks who spend $300 on velvet-covered dog beds, feed their pooch prime rib and are pathetic, alone and delusional enough to think their dog is their actual child, the city will need to do more than it’s planning on doing. Having its noise control officer issue a notice of civil infraction to the animal owner and give the owner a maximum of 30 days to correct the problem before issuing the first citation is a weak-ass move and Stanczyk has to know it. The law would force dog owners to prove their dog didn’t bark for 20 minutes or five times in an hour. Mayor Stanczyk also needs to eliminate potential caveats to the ordinance, including the barking dog being spurred on by a trespasser or if Fido is teased or provoked. Get rid of the what-ifs and drop the hammer, plain and simple ……..

- The 2014 season is not off to a sparkling start for the Chicago Cubs. They lost their first series of the year – again – including a 16-inning heartbreaker in their second game. Even when they won their first game on Thursday, they could not get off the field unscathed. Cue Cubs outfielder Junior Lake, who went 1-for-4 in Thursday's 3-2 victory over the Pittsburgh Pirates despite showing up with a colossal wardrobe blunder. Lake, a rookie who clearly is a bit overwhelmed by the major league world, looked a little bit off when he stepped up to the plate in the first inning. With the rest of the team wearing the Cubs’ gray road jerseys with "Cubs" written across the front, Lake looked conspicuously out of place with a gray road uniform with  "Chicago" written on it. Lake explained how he came to realize his mistake – other than the obvious. it. "Bullpen guy [Justin Grimm] told me I had the wrong jersey. I looked and said [f---]," Lake said following the game. He was alerted to his error in the first inning and after the Pirates' final out in the bottom of the frame, Lake sprinted to the clubhouse to change. How did he get so confused in the first place? According to Lake, he became confused because both jerseys were hanging in his locker. "Everyone looked at me," he said. "I see two gray, I take the wrong one." Manager Rick Renteria was unaware of the mistake until after the game, but his ignorance doesn’t excuse Lake’s. After all, the team wore the "Cubs" jersey during their entire three-game series with the Pirates, so it’s not as if they switched it up at the last minute to pull one over on the rookie………

- Google f*cks up too. For example, when the tech giant agreed to buy connected-home device maker Nest in January, Google officials didn’t seem to understand every possible angle or problem with the shiny new toy they just purchased. If they had, they wouldn’t now be hurriedly urging customers to disable a feature that allows its Nest Protect smoke and carbon-monoxide alarm to be silenced with a wave of the hand. The feature, unimaginatively called Nest Wave, is one of the key selling points of the device, but a Google blog post noted that using it “could delay an alarm going off if there was a real fire.” To fix this potential disaster in the making, Nest is sending an update to the $129 Internet-connected Nest Protect alarms that will disable the feature until it comes up with a more permanent fix for the problem. Additionally, Nest is halting sales of the device and said customers who didn’t want to keep the alarm could get a complete refund. “We identified this problem ourselves and are not aware of any customers who have experienced this, but the fact that it could even potentially happen is extremely important to me and I want to address it immediately,” CEO Tony Fadell wrote in the post. The rare few who don’t have their devices connected to a working Internet link have been advised to magically find an Internet link and connect their Nest alarm in order to receive the update and avoid letting their home burn to the ground in a giant ball of fire. When it works properly. Nest’s alarm system integrates with a home Wi-Fi network that allows alarms to exchange data among themselves and with a user’s mobile phone. Should an alarm be triggered in an unoccupied room, the alarms in occupied rooms will warn users. Ironically, the networking function has been well-received by users, as has the Nest Wave function. Still, now would be a good time to yank down that Nest video showing consumers waving newspapers, cloths and other things at conventional smoke alarms to silence them along with the caption “This doesn’t make us safer.” You know, because removing things from the Internet always makes the problem go away……….

-  No recording artist has poured themselves into the annual attempt to keep old-school music alive that is Record Store Day quite like Jack White. The former White Stripes frontman, current Dead Weather and Raconteurs lead singer, solo artist and president of Third Man Records does something extra special for the occasion each year and presides over the festivities from his perch in Nashville. With RSD lurking on April 19, White has big plans to celebrate this time around. In his most ambitious RSD promotion to date, White plans to record and release a single in one day. He record the song “Lazaretto” on stage in the “blue room” during a live set at his Third Man Records base in Nashville at 10 a.m. EST, laying down a live version of the title track from his second solo album. The album itself doesn’t drop until June 9, but after White finishes recording the track, the masters will be taken to local record plant United Record Pressing. There, 45rpm singles will be pressed and the sleeves will be printed from photos taken of the recording. From there, the newly minted singles will be rushed back to Third Man records for sale. The process will continue for as long as devoted hipsters in need of a rarity to add to their vinyl collection are waiting to buy them. “Lazaretto” is the follow-up to White’s 2012 debut release “Blunderbuss,” which was critically acclaimed and did fairly well commercially. “Lazaretto” will be released through White's own Third Man label and XL Recordings and to trumpet the release, Third Man will release a limited edition “Lazaretto” LP pressed on split-color blue and white vinyl with exclusive album art. To spice up the offering, the LP will be packaged with a photo and a 7-inch single featuring two early demos of songs from the album………… 

- Sometimes it seems like all the do-gooders at Amnesty International care about is stirring up trouble and pointing fingers at various governments around the globe. What are these international accusers doing this week? Targeting the hard-working Greek law enforcement community, that’s what. The latest batch of inflammatory claims coming from the human rights group concern an alleged culture of impunity and abuse within the Greek police, which it also criticizes for inadequately responding to hate crimes and attacks by far-right groups on migrants and protesters. That sounds an awful lot like fingering The Man for allegedly beating down citizens without fear of repercussion and not giving a damn when extremists attack the lesser segments of society. Them are fighting words, especially when they come in the provocative form of a blistering report in which Amnesty called on the government to eradicate "a range of failures that are undermining public confidence in the police and generating a host of human rights violations." Ouch, bleeding heart liberals. Words hurt. Maybe not as much as some neo-Nazi extremist violently assaulting you for no reason and the police refusing to do a damn thing about it, but it still hurts. Among the reports flashpoints are allegations of torture or ill-treatment during arrest and detention, including from migrants caught entering or living in the country illegally. Additionally, AI claims that law enforcement officials have been active participants in some of the alleged abuses, which were recorded between July 2012 and February 2014. As one might expect, police insist all reports of abuse are investigated and deny tolerating abuses………

Scumbag Kelvin Sampson returns, Catholics v. Venezuela and skinny people wake up early

- This should be fun. Any time any of the original members of Guns N' Roses get together on stage or tour together, there is a chance for the entire affair to end in a ginormous ball of fire. Here’s hoping that happens later this month when former bassist Duff McKagan rejoins GNR for five gigs in South America. McKagan famously exited the band in 1997, kicking off a long thread of band members exiting because they could no longer work with the ever-expanding waistline and ego of frontman Axl Rose. McKagan has been away for nearly 17 years and that time apart from Rose may have dulled his memories of how insufferable Fastel can be….even more than years of copious drug use have already dulled the mental capability of every member of the band. The first hint of a possible return for McKagan came a earlier this week when he tweeted out a picture holding a setlist filled with a number of Guns N' Roses songs. Current GNR bassist Tommy Stinson confirmed that McKagan will "cover his ass" while he is unavailable to tour. Ironically, Stinson will be missing in action because he too is reuniting with his old band, ’80s punk rock icons The Replacements. The Mats are set to play reunion shows at the upcoming Coachella festival in California. o"I had those Replacement shows come up the same time the [Guns N' Roses] tour came up, and it got to be a scheduling issue right out of the gate," Stinson said. "I didn't want to f*ck anyone up in Guns by saying, 'Hey, I can't do this tour,' or anything like that. Luckily someone was able to reach out to Duff and he was amenable to the idea and was into doing it. So I'm like, 'Thanks dude, for covering my ass on this one.'" The returning McKagan will perform with Guns N' Roses from April 6 until April 17, rocking out at gigs in Brazil with a show at the Centro de Eventos de Fortaleza. He last played with GNR at London's O2 Arena in 2010……..

- Wisconsin is still thawing out from its eight months of winter, so we should give the good folks of Kaukauna for their recent election clusterf*ck. When one has spent two-thirds of the year in such a deep freeze that an hour in an actual deep freezer is like a trip to the sauna, one’s brain tends not to work as well. That has to be the explanation for the 130 erroneous ballots handed out to voters Tuesday morning at Kaukauna City Hall. The bogus ballots affected two Outagamie County supervisor races and the city’s clerk explained that the screw-up stems from the fact that – like so many über-tiny communities – everyone votes in the same place. Electoral ddistrcts are then divided up into smaller wards and that is where the proceedings came off the rails. Some voters were given ballots meant for a different ward than their own and that messed up the balloting for District 13, which….let’s be honest, no one gives a sh*t about anyway. Who can be bothered to care about candidates Leroy Van Asten or Jason Fischer? It’s much more interesting to cast ballots for the District 10 race between Kevin Behnke and Josh Karl and that’s what District 13 voters did. The fact that no one noticed they were voting for the wrong race should tell town offiicials everything they need to known about Van Asten and Fischer. Fischer said he caught the mistake when he voted at 10:30 a.m. while waiting to vote. “I was next in line and they handed me my ballot and my own name wasn’t on it,” Fischer said. “So I’m like, ‘Well, this is not right.’” The Government Accountability Board, the state agency that oversees elections, decreed that the mistake cannot be fixed until after the votes have been canvassed. At that point, the candidates can ask for a recount and if they aren't satisfied (likely), they can ask a court to overturn it or ask for a new election. Just make sure someone else handles the ballots for that one……

- Tired of being FAT? Science has a simple answer for you. No, not working out and eating less junk food, although those are still great ideas for people with actual willpower and self-respect. No, this new batch of advice boils down to one simple truth: Wake up early and go outside. According to a new study by researchers at Northwestern University’s Feinberg School of Medicine in Chicago, folks who gorged on light exposure at the beginning of the day were most likely to have a lower body mass index. This connection between morning light and BMI existed independently of how many calories the study participants consumed. The possibility that people who wake up early and go outside might be doing so to exercise seems to have escape science on this one. Circadian rhythm plays an important role in regulating metabolism and previous studies have found that morning light can influence body fat and the hormones that regulate appetite. One such study showed that sleep-deprived subjects whose levels of the hormones leptin and ghrelin were out of whack saw those levels improve after being exposed to light for two hours after waking up. The Northwestern team recruited 54 participants who wore a wrist monitor that measured their light exposure (including its timing and intensity) as well as their sleep patterns. Each of them kept a detailed log of everything they ate and drank during a seven-day period and those who tended to be night owls – going to bed at 1:26 a.m. and waking up at 8:49 a.m. – were thinner than most Americans. Fifty-eight percent of these people reported a body mass index of 24 or lower. Upon further study, the researchers determined that the key to thinness was to soak up light of at least 500 lux and to do so as early in the day as possible. For each extra hour of snoozing in the dark, BMI rose by 1.28 points. In the end, the research team was unable to determine what makes morning light so damn special compared to daylight at other times, but bank on another expensive study to further explore that……….

- Venezuela's organization of Catholic bishops clearly does not value its collective freedom….or the lives of its members. If they did, they would not be accusing their oppressive, overbearing government of seeking totalitarian-style rule. The accusations are fair, mind you, but that doesn’t mean a government wholly intolerant of free speech or opposition of any type is going to let such inflammatory remarks go unchecked. The comments could also have the side effect of complicating the Vatican's offer to facilitate talks between the socialist government and its opposition. The Conference of Venezuelan Bishops demanded that President/dictator Nicolas Maduro to halt his crackdown on critics who have been protesting in the streets for seven weeks and counting. Bishop Diego Padron, the president of the conference, delivered an address in Caracas in which he accused Maduro of attempting to criminalize dissent. Amazingly, neither police nor government troops stormed the building and silenced this fool before hauling him off to prison. As the words came out of the bishop’s mouth, it was in fact possible to hear hands slapping foreheads in disbelief at the Vatican, where the papal powers that be said earlier this week that they were willing to facilitate talks between the two sides. Maduro magnanimously indicated he would accept such talks, but the various factions that comprise the opposition have yet to unify themselves enough to make a statement about their willingness to participate in such talks. This isn’t the first time the bishops association has criticized the Venezuelan government, but it is the most inconvenient in terms of timing……..

- Scum has come back to college basketball. Yes, that stench you smell wafting from the Lone Star State means what you think it means; Kelvin Sampson is once again walking the sidelines for a Division I team. Sampson, who has spent the past five seasons in the NBA as an assistant coach for the Milwaukee Bucks and Houston Rockets, has agreed to a five-year contract with the University of Houston to replace former coach James Dickey. Sampson officially took over as Cougars coach following the Rockets' game at Toronto on Wednesday night and is a college head coach for the first time since 2008, when he was fired by Indiana. Why? Because he committed multiple recruiting and rules violations while with the Hoosiers and those misdeeds came on the heels of even more NCAA violations while at his previous stop, the University of Oklahoma. In short, Sampson treated NCAA recruiting rules like they were the “Walk/Don’t Walk” signs on a street corner in New York City. When he was caught, he threw his top assistant under the bus and fled the scene. The NCAA hit him with a five-year show cause penalty and he burned through those five years in the Association, where he didn’t have any recruiting rules to break. The sad part of all of this is that Sampson is a good coach, having led Washington State to the NCAA tournament in 1994 and gone to 11 NCAA tournaments in 12 seasons at Oklahoma (including a Final Four in 2002). His willingness to lie, cheat and connive his way through his job and ignore all professional standards in order to weasel his way into recruits’ hearts were even more impressive. Had no college given him another chance, it would have made sense because people who are that much of a scumbag rarely reform themselves completely. Houston chose to take a chance after Dickey resigned following a 17-16 season and a 64-62 record in his four years at the helm. Houston fans will undoubtedly celebrate this hire and pretend it means a return to the relevance their program enjoyed three decades ago and it might……until the next round of Sampson-caused NCAA violations come to light………..

NFL police blotter fun, severed head voodoo magic and "How I Met Your Mother" goes away

- Who’s ready for the pope’s visit next week, Jerusalem? Ahead of the pontiff’s arrival in the Holy Land in a few weeks, some cowardly vandals s scrawled hate graffiti on a Catholic monastery in central Israel and slashed the tires of nearby cars, Israeli police said Tuesday. The vandals scrawled slogans against Mideast peace talks with the Palestinians and graffiti disparaging Jesus and Mary on the outer walls of the Deir Rafat monastery close to Jerusalem. Israeli police are investigating, but so far have not publicly identified any suspects. The most likely targets are a tiny fringe group of radical Israeli settlers, mostly teenagers and young men, who have spent the past few years carrying out assorted acts of vandalism o protest what they perceive as the Israeli government's pro-Palestinian policies and in retaliation for Palestinian attacks. The hit list for these secretive vandals includes churches, mosques, dovish Israeli groups and even Israeli military bases. Their so-called "price tag" assaults have been condemned by Israeli leaders across the political spectrum and haven't generated any significant support among the vast majority of Israelis. Latin Patriarch Fouad Twal, the top Catholic clergyman in the region, visited the monastery to survey the damage and meet with the nuns who reside there. "This is bad for the state of Israel, it is bad for us, it is bad for everybody. In this Holy Land we do not need these actions. Especially these actions against a monastery where we have sisters just praying for peace. They are not involved in any politics so this really is a bad sign and we regret it very much," Twal said. Pope Francis, an Argentine Jesuit, will be the fourth pope to visit the Holy Land when he swings by Israel, the Palestinian Authority and Jordan in May. Relations between the Vatican and Israel have improved in recent years and despite a few isolated kooks, that trend seems poised to continue………

- Monday night is not exactly a kick-ass night for television. It was a surefire guarantee that the final episode of a ninth-season sitcom with a loyal following would not only lap the field, but turn in record-breaking numbers to conclude its run. CBS’ celebrated comedy “How I Met Your Mother” aired its one-hour series finale and it went down as the show's top-rated episode. A whopping 13.1 million fans tuned in Monday night, according to final Nielsen figures, besting the previous record of 12.3 million set for "The Pineapple Incident," an episode that aired in November 2005, early in the show's first season. The number was still smaller than the D-list dancing magic that is “Dancing With the Stars,” but the viewers in the coveted young adult demographic more than doubled ABC's dancing show and was easily higher than any other show for the night. The finale didn’t exactly end on a happy note and fans weren't thrilled by the final hour, as social media users tore into the wrap-up and put “Mother” on the growing list of successful shows that left a sour taste in fans’ mouths: “Lost,” “The Sopranos,” “Dexter” and “Seinfeld,” to name a few. CBS undoubtedly loved the big numbers, but has to be concerned that those numbers didn’t have more of a carryover effect to its new show “Friends With Better Lives,” which it aired immediately following the “Mother” finale. “FWBL” managed just 7.6 million viewers in the 9 p.m. time slot before moving to 8:30 p.m. next week. Those figures prove why the network kept “Mother” going for as long as possible and is swearing profusely behind the scenes with it gone………

- How is Verizon planning to take more of your money? After debuting its Verizon Media Server at the Consumer Electronics Show this past January in Las Vegas, the plan is in motion as the IPTV DVR hub, which carries six tuners and a 1TB hard drive, is now shipping in select markets. For now, the server is part of the Quantum TV package in a phased rollout, but its gadgets and features will eventually reach all Verizon subscribers. Cable companies have already taken notice, as the VMS1100, replaces a standard cable box and feeds broadcasts to smaller satellite boxes in other rooms over cable wiring. What sets the VMS1100 apart from other systems is that users can record six live shows at once or pair two DVRs together to simultaneously record up to 12 shows at any given time. They will also be able to pause and rewind live TV on all satellite boxes and even pause a show in one room and pick it up in another. Pricing is actually not obscene for a product like this, as subscribers will pay $22 per month for a single DVR or $32 for two units. Each satellite box will ding the wallet for an additional $10. For now, the system is available only in select parts of New York, New Jersey, California and Pennsylvania. Tech experts who have tried out the VMS1100 claim there are a few bugs to work out, but most concur that the box itself runs at a high speed and is equally responsive when used over satellite boxes. Even those who don’t yet have access to the service in their area of the country can check availability on Verizon’s website to see when they will have the opportunity to throw away even more of their disposable cash…….

- Beheading a person is a grisly crime under any circumstances. Keeping said severed head with you for a conversation partner….that’s just creepy and psychopathic. Meet James Paul Harris, a Kansas man accused of beheading a Topeka resident with a guitar string three years ago and keeping his head as part of a Voodoo ritual. According to police, Harris lopped off the dome of 49-year-old James Gerety and kept the detached cabeza to talk to it after Gerety was killed sometime in March or April of 2011. For that reason, Harris has been charged with premeditated first-degree murder. He pleaded not guilty Monday and his trial was set for June 23. As with many accused killers, Harris does not appear to have inspired a great deal of loyalty. His former girlfriend, Bobbie Williams, testified that he told her he shot Gerety in the stomach, then tortured him for two days and then cut off his head. Topeka police Detective Brian Hill then piled on, testifying that Williams told him during questioning that Harris kept the head in a canvas bag so he could talk to it as part of a Voodoo ritual. Those must have been some priceless conversations and yet, that is only one of many bizarre elements to a case that began when Gerety was reported missing in 2011. His attorney, Thomas Henderson, reported Gerety missing because he handled his client’s Social Security payments and was concerned when Gerety didn’t show up for his money. Connecting Harris to Gerety’s murder – aside from the head without a body he kept around – wasn’t difficult because Henderson said the two men planned to live together……..

- It was only a matter of time before this one dinged the NFL police blotter. Halfback Orson Charles has the double stench of football feloniousness hanging over his head, having played his college ball at the haven for criminal activity that is the University of Georgia and picking up his paychecks these days as a member of George’s NFL equivalent, the Cincinnati Bengals. Wearing the colors from either of those teams is a virtual guarantee that a man will see the inside of a jail cell at some point; playing for both of them means you may as well carry your own orange jumpsuit with you at all times. Charles fulfilled his off-field destiny when he was arrested and charged with wanton endangerment in Richmond, Ky., on Monday night, according to officials at the Madison County (Ky.) Detention Center. Details are sketchy at this point, but the arrest was the result of what police believe was a road rage incident involving a handgun. However, the incident report didn't indicate if any shots were fired. As the report tells the story, Charles was stopped by Richmond police on Interstate 75 after a complaint was called in by another driver. That other driver reportedly told officers hat Charles brandished a firearm in his direction several times while driving down the highway sometime just before 8 p.m. Monday. Because pulling out his piece didn’t send enough of a message, Charles then allegedly cut off the other driver. Police responded quickly to the scene, did a search of Charles car and whaddya know, he had a Smith & Wesson semiautomatic handgun concealed inside a purse. An uncooperative Charles refused to give a statement to police. That’s the sort of activity that would get a fourth-round draft pick whose on-field production consists of nine receptions for just 109 yards in 29 games released…..by most teams. With the Bengals, not so much……….

Seashell armies, Pharrell joins "The Voice Karaoke" and international soccer beefs

- International soccer beefs are the best. Especially those that do not end with police cars on fire, cities engulfed in tear gas or bloodied fans lying on the sidewalk. Give the U.S. and Mexico credit for beefing in hilarious fashion ahead of the two nations’ international friendly on Wednesday in Phoenix. The game doesn’t matter and is merely an occasion for both sides to polish their skills ahead of this summer’s World Cup, but that isn't stopping both sides from acting like a couple of overly intense, middle-aged dudes arguing over who fouled whom on a drive to the hoop on the game point of their pickup basketball game. The U.S. team will play the game with a 20-man roster after Mexican League team Puebla refused to release DaMarcus Beasley and Michael Orozco for the match. Yes, a team paying these two good money to play soccer won't let them leave for a couple days to go play an exhibition game. U.S. team men's coach Jurgen Klinsmann said he was unhappy with Puebla's decision not to release the two payers and laid out his team’s case for the media. "We got notice from Puebla that they don’t release DaMarcus Beasley and Michael Orozco, which we’d planned on and we are very angry, very angry about this because the Mexican clubs release all their players for this very prestigious friendly," Klinsmann said. "For us, World Cup kind of coming up, (it's) very important. When the match was scheduled, it was with the spirit that both teams would have access to their domestic-based players for what is a very important game for those competing for spots in the World Cup.” Puebla is allowed to withhold the players because the game does not fall on an international calendar date. Both MLS and most clubs in Liga MX honored the game by releasing their players, but this should only add another layer of intensity to an already solid rivalry……..

- What the hell is going on in the island paradise of Trinidad & Tobago? It’s a place that offers a slew of beautiful beaches, an escape from the world as most of us know it and a few decent Olympic sprinters every few years. If the past few weeks are any indication, the country is about to become known for something entirely different and not at all desirable. One week ago, Trinidad’s minister of people and social development was fired for behaving aggressively toward a flight attendant. Menacing an air waitress is just uncool for many reasons, but that incident has alreay been flung to the back pages because of Tourism Minister Chandresh Sharma. Sharma resigned in disgrace early this week amidst a police investigation into assault allegations made against him by a former girlfriend. Sharma is accused of physically assaulting the woman in a shopping mall parking lot March 12 and like all good domestic abuse incidents, this one has plenty of solid reasoning and an injury to top it off. Accuser Sacha Singh says Sharma shoved her during an argument. And claims s she suffered a mild concussion after hitting her head on a parked car. There is nothing like a dude two-handed shoving his lady into a parked car and it would seem that Sharma isn't exactly maintaining his innocence. Prime Minister Kamla Persad-Bissessar said Monday that she had accepted Sharma's resignation and instructed the country's governor general to revoke his appointment as tourism minister. Why? Because according to Persad-Bissessar, the prime minister is committed to "maintaining the high ideals upon which we were elected." Those ideals probably need to find their way to a domestic violence seminar sooner rather than later………

- Brewers put outlandish ingredients into their beer in the hopes of making it stand out from the ever-expanding arsenal of craft beers and home brews flooding the market each year. West Philadelphia’s Dock Street Brewing Company has done its best to corner the market on odd brews in the city of brotherly love and its latest offering is another step in the right – or wrong – direction. Simply put, Dock Street Brewing Company is rolling out a beer made with goat brains. This is somehow safe and sanitary enough to pass health standards and “Dock Street Walker” is the idea of company president Rosemarie Certo. Not surprisingly, Dock Street Walker is inspired by the zombies and other undead beings of AMC’s hit drams “The Walking Dead.” “The flavor is a light stout and it tastes really roasty and chocolatey. A little bit of smoke from the goat brains that were cooked in our wood burning oven,” Certo said. Where does one find quality goat brains in Philadelphia to use in their kooky, bizarro beer? That would be a local Italian market, where the goats (and their brains are purchased). All of this sounds like an open invitation for animal rights kooks to come a-callin’ with their torches and pitchforks, seeking to burn the brewery to the ground and stop the senseless slaughter of these poor goats in the name of inebriation, but so far all is quiet on that front. Dock Street Walker made its debut Sunday night as “The Walking Dead” aired a new episode and depending on how it fares, this undead libation could hang around for a while……..

- A match made in reality karaoke heaven has finally happened. Pharrell Williams cranks out some of the most abysmal, unoriginal and hackneyed pop music garbage on the airwaves these days and he makes perfect sense as a judge for a generation of aspiring hack karaoke-ers looking to churn out the same kind of unlistenable tunes. In that spirit, Williams has agreed to take Cee Lo Green’s place as a judge on “The Voice Karaoke.” Williams confirmed the news on Twitter after NBC confirmed that Green will depart prior to the start of the show's seventh season later this year. The 40-year-old producer and singer retweeted a message from the show and added a few words of his own to ensure the masses that he is sufficiently excited about the chance to sit in a fancy chair on a tacky, gaudy stage and tell a bunch of world-be karaoke icons why they suck. "This is going to be so fun '@NBCTheVoice: Okay, we can OFFICIALLY say it! WE ARE SO #HAPPY to announce PHARRELL WILLIAMS = #NewVoiceCoach,’” Williams wrote. Williams previously appeared on the show’s fourth season alongside his longtime friend and occasional musical collaborator Usher, who is working on the current season and has been time-sharing a full-time judging spot with Green. When Williams takes his high-backed, red pleather chair, he will join glorified man-bander Adam Levine of Maroon 5 and country warbler Blake Shelton, plus whichever member of the Shakira/Christina Aguilera duo shows up on a given night. Green is leaving “Voice Karaoke” to develop his own TV show. "I'm not coming back guys. I'm going to continue my relationship with NBC. I have a television show development deal with them as well and hopefully some other talk show opportunities for later in the year,” Green said last month………

- Seashells: The next great addition to the world’s greatest military or free gift you pick up for people who you’re too cheap to buy them a tacky Myrtle Beach t-shirt? Yes and yes. As it turns out, seashells could be the key ingredient in protecting American troops on battlefields around the world. "We have long studied natural exoskeletons as inspiration for the development of advanced engineered protective systems," said researcher Christine Ortiz, a materials scientist at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. Yes, the search for durable, tough, lightweight materials for applications such as body armor has taken scientists to the world of mollusks and crustaceans. It is part of the strategy known as biomimetics, in which researchers seek to create materials that mimic structures found in nature Ortiz and her colleague Ling Li investigated the windowpane oyster, Placuna placenta, which has a shell that permits 80 percent of visible light to shine through it. Craftsmen in the Philippines, India and other Asian countries sometimes use the shells in places of glass in windowpanes. "About five years ago we started searching for natural armor systems, which were also optically clear," Ortiz said. She noted that transparent armor could serve in "soldier eye or face protection, windows and windshields, blast shields and combat vehicles.” The windowpane oyster’s shell is made almost entirely of calcite, which is also the main component of relatively fragile rocks such as limestone and chalk. Despite that usage, it is capable of dissipating energy from penetrations about 10 times better than ordinary calcite. The combination of its strength and unique optical properties made it a prime research material and after examining d its structure on the scale of nanometers and subjecting it to d to microscopic denting from a diamond-tipped probe, the scientists found the shell deformed via "twinning." That is a process in which crystals of calcite that were mirror images of each other formed around the penetration zone. The process helped dissipate energy and localize damage, by deflecting cracks from spreading farther, for instance. Next up, the seashell army storms the fortress walls down by the sea shore………