MLB Badass of the Year, record-breaking felons and Jack White stays weird

- While the good people of Human Rights Watch could be exactly right when they claim that security forces in Kenya have forcibly disappeared at least 34 people over the past two years during "abusive" counterterrorism operations in the capital and the northeastern part of the country, that’s merely the start of the story. Being right about that sort of claim doesn’t do much unless someone can exact some sort of change, which the rights group isn't really accomplishing when it urges Kenyan authorities to investigate the disappearances and the deaths of detainees in the northeast. The disconnect between the words of a report which cite cases where suspects arrested over alleged ties with the Somalia-based Islamic extremist group al-Shabab have disappeared is alarming, so action on its claims would be welcome.  Charles Owino, a Kenyan police spokesman, said a police oversight committee would carry out an independent investigation into the allegations, yet rampant corruption and government abuse of power could easily thwart those efforts as well as Owino’s promise that any police officer found culpable would face trial. Kenyan police have been under scrutiny in recent weeks over the killings of a rights lawyer and two others whose bodies were found dumped in a river last month. Their questionable ethics and performances are one of many concerns in the impoverished African nation, yet any time you have police who are abusing power or are outright corrupt, it has to go at the top of the list of what ails your nation……..

- Jack White has gone from iconic garage rock band frontman to weird, dark record label owner who champions obscure causes like vinyl records and his own weird fashion sense. Now that he’s a solo artist most of the two and a member of a couple of super groups in his free time from running Third Man Records, White appears to have set his sights on the great beyond, potentially looking to become the first person to play a vinyl record in space. Speculation about those efforts has picked up speed after the musician's Third Man Records released a teaser clip for a mysterious upcoming event. Four years ago, the former White Stripes frontman astronaut Buzz Aldrin that he was working on a "secret project" to get one of the songs on his Third Man Records label to be the "first vinyl record played in outer space.” White explained that in order to make it happen, he was planning "to launch a balloon that carries a vinyl record player. And figure out a way to drop the needle with all that turbulence up there and ensure that it will still play.” It seemed like a lot of effort for something that wouldn’t exactly make him a ton of money, but a video posted to the Third Man Records Facebook page this week claimed the company would "make vinyl history again" on July 30. The theme of the video is what stood out, as it parodies the Star Wars opening with a gold vinyl record spinning in space. Oh, and the record is shown to be Carl Sagan's 'A Glorious Dawn', released on 7" by Third Man in 2009, so the space references are piled high and deep on this one………

- Sometimes, even though a person is a very, very bad individual, it’s still tough not to have a perverse admiration for them. So while two men and a woman were arrested in connection to a string of Iredell County (N.C.) break-ins and stealing is wrong, it’s definitely a ‘wow’ moment when you learn that  one of the men arrested has been charged with over 100 felony offenses and 35 misdemeanors prior to his most recent arrest. This fool, John Gatton, has been convicted of 31 of the felony charges after the Iredell County Sheriff's Office started investigating the string of break-ins on June 10, when someone broke into a home on Seedhouse Road in Statesville. In the ensuing weeks, officers responded to several over break-ins, where prescription medication, guns, and electronics were also stolen. Connecting the crimes to one another wasn’t difficult after the same vehicle was spotted by a man who found someone breaking into his house on Society Road. According to deputies, the information he gave matched the description of Gatton, who was wanted on a parole violation and had warrants out for his arrest. Also arrested in connection to some of the break-ins were Dustin Belcher and Christina Wyatt. Wyatt, guilty of many things but especially associating with a moron, was charged with identity theft, a parole violation and providing false information. But it’s Gatton who is the real criminal standout here, having allegedly committed over 60 felony offenses since his release from police custody about six months ago. Ten felonies a month - two to three a week - is a breakneck pace that could literally include breaking someone’s neck. Police believe there could be additional arrests in the case, but no one is going to match Gatton’s felony proficiency………

- The Major League Baseball Badass of the Year award may have just been locked up by an unusual candidate. Pittsburgh Pirates rookie Jameson Taillon is firmly in the lead and probably won't be run down by anyone, not after he was struck in the head by a line drive against the Brewers, but went on to pitch six innings in a 3-2 Pittsburgh win. He had a pitch lined off his head by Milwaukee's Hernan Perez with  one out in the second inning, a shot right back to Taillon that hit the rookie hurler in the back of the head and rolled out into left field. That would end the night for most people, but Taillon remained on the ground for several minutes while being tended to by medical staff before being cleared to stay in the game. "I saw it coming at me, turned from it and remember going down," Taillon said. "I could feel it on my head a little bit, but I remained conscious. I saw where the play went. I answered all the questions they asked me. I wanted to get up quicker than I was able to. I remember it pretty clearly." Pittsburgh manager Clint Hurdle noted that he felt worst for Taillon's parents watching on television, but in the end he decided to trust the recommendation of the medical staff that Taillon was OK to continue. "This is one area that I'm not really comfortable with," he said. "I have to trust our people. They do know what they're doing, how to follow protocol to test the player and the things to do." Despite nearly getting his skull broken, Taillon went on and was only removed after throwing 65 pitches in his first start since being placed on the disabled list on June 28 with right-shoulder fatigue. He admitted that he “definitely had some adrenaline after” being hit, but given what he went through, a surge of adrenaline is a minor detail……….

Zimbabwe: Love it or leave it, the perils of channeling "Major League" and the Rolling Stones won't die til they die

 - The (___________ fill in your country name here) “Love it or leave it” mantra is one that diehard patriots around the world embrace despite its inherent fallacy. American patriotic zealots have used it for years and they have good company in Zimbabwean despot Bob Mugabe, who is on the war path against a pastor who organized a nationwide strike against the government, saying he should move to another country if he's unhappy with conditions at home. Yes, rather than try to change negative things about the place you live, you should merely leave and allow it - and the people who still live there - to exist in what you feel are terrible conditions. President/dictator Robert Mugabe has mentioned Evan Mawarire publicly by name and rarely is that a positive thing for anyone living in Zimbabwe. Mawarire was briefly arrested last week and charged with subverting a constitutionally elected government before being freed by a court in the capital, Harare, but his fight is clearly far from over. The contrast of a 92-year-old dictator attacking someone less than half his age was compounded by the absurdity of the fact that Mugabe was speaking at the burial of Charles Utete, the former British colony's first black chief secretary to the Cabinet and president. Way to keep the focus where it should be on a somber day, Bob. But his paranoia knows know bounds, as Mugabe has accused Western countries of sponsoring the recent anti-government protests. He suggested that Mawarire relocate to one of them, rather than trying to make the government fair and just for the people……..

- This is what you get when you take a classic sports movie and try to apply it to the real world. The Cleveland Indians thought they would be so clever and try to help catcher Yan Gomes break out of his season-long slump at the plate by holding a "sacrificial ceremony" in the clubhouse before their game against the Twins in Minneapolis, “sacrificing” a cooked chicken just as the fictional version of the Indians did in the movie “Major League.” In the short term, a chicken offering to the baseball gods did a minimal amount of good as Gomes was 1-for-2 Sunday to raise his season average to .165. In the long term, not so much. Later in that same game, Gomes suffered what has been diagnosed as an acromioclavicular joint separation of his right shoulder and will be out approximately six to eight weeks, the team announced. The team officially placed Gomes on the disabled list Monday but he will avoid surgery.  "I don't know if we really expected anything," Indians manager Terry Francona said. "It's an [AC] shoulder separation, probably six to eight weeks. The good news is it doesn't look like he needs surgery, but it's going to have to heal.” It’s tough to draw a definitive link between the chicken sacrifice and Gomes suffering the injury when he fell and landed awkwardly on his shoulder while running to first base, but not a lot of guys injure their shoulder while merely running to first. Gomes' right arm was put in a sling and he was carted off the field and one has to wonder how second baseman Jason Kipnis felt after leading the chicken sacrifice in an effort to turn Gomes’ year around………

- Because if Jesus had lived in the 21st century, he would most definitely be packing heat. Family Day Ministries is a Kentucky church that knows you can't merely arm people with the word of God and expect them to survive in this crazy world of ours. Pastor Mike Miller is a retired police officer and the current senior pastor at Family Day Ministries and he plans to do some well-armed community outreach by hosting a firearms training class to help citizens protect themselves and learn about their Second Amendment rights. Inspired by the recent violence against police officers in Dallas and Baton Rouge and terror attacks across the country and around the world, Miller wants to take action and rather than seek peace, he’s seeking to send some bullets flying.  “I think that everybody that's a good law-abiding citizen has the right to protect themselves and their family and even the church,” Miller said. The church will be hosting a TSG Firearms Conceal and Carry class and Miller knows that he may take some heat for having a firearm training class at a place of worship. He doesn’t care. “I want people to know, as a senior pastor and retired police officer people kill people,” Miller said. “The Bible talks about this in the book of Genesis, with Cane and Able, a gun didn't kill people, it was anger. And obviously this is what we’re seeing in America is people are full of anger and rage and this is why we’re having the violence that were having. People need to have a heart condition check.” Aside from that total misappropriation and wrong application of a Bible verse, the class will take place and for a mere $75, people can come to the house of God and learn how to properly bust a cap into someone’s ass………

- He’s dead wrong on this one, but Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards has snorted a lot of illegal substances over the years, so it’s to be expected. Richards, much to the surprise of no one, says his once-great, now has-been-blues-rockers-turned-sold-out-arena-rock band will continue as an active band until they die. As Richards sees it, it’s what the best bands do. He’s wrong, of course; The Beatles were no longer a touring, active and dynamic band when John Lennon was murdered, the Ramones dissolved before their members began dying and scores of other great bands have imploded long before their members began shuffling off this mortal coil. At least the man who once snorted his deceased father’s ashes is optimistic about it, adding that the band are still hoping to release their best music 52 years after their self-titled debut album was released in 1964. “They’re not really bands if they don’t last; they’re groups,” Richards said of his band’s staying power. “We’re a band and a real band sticks until it dies. These bands, they become big, but they’re generational, just for their one decade. They literally go when their testosterone goes. We work hard and no-one takes it for granted. We’re still looking to make our best record and put on our best show. The Stones have managed to be part of life, without becoming passé.” Oh, but you have become passé. You hit passé when you started abandoning your blues-based sound and chose to start cranking out arena rock, commercial jingles such as “Start Me Up.” The fact that later in the same rant, Richard ripped The Beatles, saying “they were never quite there” as a live band, merely underscores how much this guy misses the point on a lot of different musical talking points……….

Counting the queen's swans, well-dressed bank robbers and MLB espionage = prison lowlife

- Certain individuals enter prison with established credibility based on their crimes and who they were on the outside. Former St. Louis Cardinals scouting director Christopher Correa is not one of those people. Correa had pleaded guilty in January to five counts of unauthorized access of a protected computer from 2013 to at least 2014 and this week, he was sentenced to nearly four years in prison for hacking the Houston Astros' player personnel database and email system. It was the über-rare case of high-tech cheating involving two Major League Baseball clubs and while federal prisons aren't typically known as the roughest of correctional facilities, this guy wouldn’t seem to rank high on the prison totem pole once he arrives. Correa was fired last summer and now faces 46 months behind bars and a court order to pay $279,038 in restitution, but seeing as he faced up to five years in prison on each count, it could have turned out much worse for him. Maybe it was that very convincing letter he read in court before he was sentenced by U.S. District Court Judge Lynn Hughes in which Correa said he was "overwhelmed with remorse and regret for my actions." Calling this “the worst thing I've done in my life by far” might be a tad dramatic, but the team threw him under the bus when Cardinals chairman Bill DeWitt Jr. had blamed the hack on "roguish behavior" by a handful of individuals and yet, Correa was the only one charged. MLB could still discipline the Cardinals, possibly with a fine or a loss of draft picks, but that’s still to be determined. All of this came to light in June 2014 when Astros general manager Jeff Luhnow told reporters the team had been the victim of hackers who accessed servers and proceeded to publish online months of internal trade talks. Now, the case has been closed………

- If you’re going to rob a bank, you may as well do it in style. No one needs to tell that to a well-dressed suspect wanted in connection to at least four armed bank robberies in Cobb County, Georgia this year. This suave stealer of cash started his string of robberies began February 4 when the man hit the Fifth Third Bank location on Roswell Road in Marietta. On that fateful day, this bold bank intruder entered the branch armed with a semi-automatic handgun and demanded cash. However, he was polite enough to apologize for the robbery on his way out and said he owed money to someone in Nashville. Whoever he owed money to, he clearly didn’t get all he needed the first time and thus, he also allegedly robbed the Regions Bank location on Roswell Road in Marietta on April 1. Witnesses reported that he brandished the same kind of weapon, a semi-automatic handgun, and left with an undisclosed amount of cash. Each time, he entered wearing a suit and tie, proving that you should always dress for the job you want and not the one you currently have. The thief followed suit - pun intended - when he allegedly robbed the BB&T Bank on Roswell Road in Marietta on May 25 and the PNC bank on Johnson Ferry Road in Marietta on July 13, following the same M.O. each time. Given that he’s hit four banks within five months, you’d think his capture would be a top priority, but the FBI is offering a measly $2,500 reward for information leading to his arrest. Up the ante if you want anyone to help, FBI………

- Oscar Isaac will follow you anywhere, Steven Spielberg. That includes going from a galaxy far, far away Italy circa 1858, where Isaac will be a part of Spielberg's next project, “The Kidnapping of Edgardo Mortara.” The movie is an adaptation of David Kertzer’s novel, which tells the true story of a 7-year-old Italian Jew thrust into controversy in 1858 when he was taken from his parents and raised as a Catholic by authorities of the papacy. In a swell plot twist, the boy ends up becoming a priest in a story that sees the pope clashing with the forces of Italian democracy. No one is sure which character Isaac will play, but he’ll have to wait until Spielberg finishes his next film, “Ready Player One,” before getting the chance. Sir Steven is a busy man these days and there are also rumors that he and Peter Jackson are working on a new film together. "Peter was so busy with The Hobbit that it took him away from Tintin and he's doing another film for my company now,” Spielberg said of that pairing. “It's a secret, nobody knows about it. Then after that he'll do Tintin.” Lots of things about Spielberg’s work are a secret these days, but he clearly has the lasting faith of actors like Isaac, who want to be a part of projects he’s doing that don’t involve massive CGI effects, sci-fi storylines and a budget the size of Jabba the Hut………

- The job of counting Queen Elizabeth II's mute swans is an important one…really. But it’s a job that’s getting more difficult by the day on account of fears that dog attacks may have taken their toll on the monarch's waterfowl in the River Thames. These damn dogs either don’t know or don’t care that the queen is the traditional owner of unmarked mute swans, nor do they seem to recognize the fact that  royal tradition requires the swans to be counted each year. This year’s tally officially began this week, when royal Swan Uppers rowed up the River Thames outside London to count and examine cygnets, or young swans, for disease and injuries. These civil servants fear that a recent rash of fatal dog attacks may affect the final tally and that’s a big concern on the heels of last year’s count, when they only marked 83 cygnets, down from 120 the previous year. The Queen's Swan Marker, David Barker, may be a man with a ridiculous title, but he also has thoughts on his gig and he expressed hope that this year, the number of cygnets has grown to 100. Whether or not that’s true won't be known until the end of the week, but any visitors to London who see weirdly dressed individuals rowing up and down the Thames, accosting birds and looking them over like a prized heifer, should know that no animals are being harmed in the taking of this survey and it’s all being done in the name of letting a really old monarch know how many prestigious fowl she has left in the kingdom she doesn’t actually rule over…….

Reviving Nickelodeon glory, elks v. idiots and why baseball needs mad managers

- Bad moonshine: It’s not just an American thing. Unsafe hooch is a problem in other parts of the world too and that reality hit home in a potent way over the weekend as at least 19 people died after drinking toxic bootleg liquor in northern India. Senior police officer Ajay Shankar Rai confirmed that 19 had died and another 50 people have fallen ill after consuming the home-brewed liquor. The ill are being treated in hospitals in Etah district in Uttar Pradesh state and among their number are six who have been blinded by the drink. The epicenter of the problem is a village shop where the victims purchased the bootleg liquor and not long afterward, they started falling ill. According to police, the shop owner has been arrested and depending on the fate of those who foolishly chugged his hastily crafted homemade brew, the charges against him could become even more plentiful and severe. Worse still, the reason his customers were buying such low-rate alcohol from an ass hat like this is that they are mostly poor farmers and laborers looking for a cheap means of intoxication. It’s a common problem in India, where the country’s poor often purchase cheap bootleg liquor made of syrups and medicines that are spiked with methyl alcohol and other industrial spirits to give them an extra boost. Compared to this, the bearded, overall-wearing, rusted-out-pickup-truck-driving rednecks of Appalachia don’t seem like such an amateurish outfit now, do they? Next time, just seek out some cheap opium for your fix, India………

- Major League Baseball wants everyone to just CHILL THE F*CK OUT, OK? Technically, MLB didn’t word its memo sent out late last week to managers, general managers and assistant general managers in exactly that fashion, but that was the underlying sentiment. "This highly inappropriate conduct is detrimental to the game and must stop immediately,” the memo informed its recipients. Specifially, it was a warning to managers to scale down their rage  on arguing balls and strikes and warning them not to rely on replay to bolster their beefs. MLB executive Joe Torre sent the memo out, but it doesn’t sound like its message is being taken too seriously. "I'm still going to react to what I see in front of me," Detroit Tigers manager Brad Ausmus said. Torre is a Hall of Fame manager and former NL MVP, so he knows how easy it is to get upset with what transpires on the field. He pointed out that managers are increasingly relying on technology from the clubhouse or video room to argue from the dugout and teams’ decision to monitor every pitch and play in case they want to challenge for a replay review is "an express violation of the Replay Regulations, which state that 'on-field personnel in the dugout may not discuss any issue with individuals in their video review room using the dugout phone other than whether to challenge a play subject to video replay review.'" In his memo, Torre pointed to a recent uptick in the number of managers being ejected for arguing balls and strikes, some without even leaving their dugout. You call it a problem, the rest of us call it a momentary burst of entertainment in a largely nondescript, three-hour game………

- So often, crimes happen because opportunity presents itself and a person has neither the willpower nor the character to pass on that chance. Such is the circumstance of Thad Bingham, a U.S. Fish and Wildlife employee who may not be in that capacity much longer after a photo of him posing with a trophy elk was brought to the attention of the Colorado Department of Parks and Wildlife. See, when the Fruita, Colorado native showed up on what is recognized as private land on the Roan Plateau near Rifle with a massive elk he’d just taken down, it looked an awful lot like a clear-cut case of poaching. With that photo as Exhibit A against him, Bingham has pleaded guilty to trespassing and illegal possession of wildlife, crimes for which he paid over $200 in court fines and was ordered to donate $5,000 to the Rocky Mountain Elk Foundation under the terms of a plea agreement. “This is still half of that and this money goes to a really great cause,” Garfield County Deputy District Attorney Troy Hershey said. It was a pretty sweet deal for Bingham, who faced over $12,000 in fines for several charges, including a violation of the Samson Law, passed in the 1990s after a man from Lakewood poached a trophy elk on YMCA property in Estes Park. Samson was a massive elk that had no fear of humans, but his lasting legacy is a law that is intended to keep his elk brethren alive and prevent the sort of idiocy and selfishness of which Bingham is guilty. Apparently the law can’t fix everything……..

- At one point or another, pretty much every television show that has ever been made is the subject of rumors regarding a possible revival in some form. If no one’s ever talked about bringing your show back to the air, either for a one-off movie or a straight-up revival, then clearly your show did not matter to anyone. So don’t feel too good about yourselves, fans of former Nickelodeon show “Kenan & Kel.” Rumors of getting the gang back together have gathered steam as the 20th anniversary of its debut rolls around this year and those rumors got a boost when star Kenan Thompson expressed support for the idea. The show centered on the friendship between stars Thompson and Kel Mitchell and aired for four seasons from 1996 to 2000. Thompson recently waxed poetic about how much he misses all of the people he worked with on the series. "I miss and love those guys, it was awesome times," Thompson said. "I wish we could just pick up and do Kenan & Kel: The Grown-Up Years, getting everyone back working together. I feel like it would be an awesome moment for everybody." Yes, assuming no one has moved on to anything newer and better in the past 16 years and they’ve all been dreaming of reviving a show that ran for 62 episodes and had a forgettable TV movie as well. Granted, there was that badass theme song performed by Coolio, but you really can't bring a show back simply based on that. "I don’t think any of us knew how big that was going to be, even today I still get that,” Thompson said of the show. He noted that he still has fans approach him and quote the show’s catchphrase, “Who loves orange soda?”, and he and his wife get it repeated to them when they go out to eat. It’s a nice reminder of how some people remember completely pointless information, but it doesn’t really demand the renewal of a show………

Greasy spoon v. local police, do Radiohead's creative work and Tim Tebow benched again

- Tim Tebow keeps on getting pulled from the game for someone better. First, he led an NFL team to a playoff win only to be bounced from the league not long after because he simply wasn’t that good of a quarterback. He tried to earn his way back into the league by overhauling his game with a respected quarterback coach, only to have a bunch of marginal backup signal callers beat him out for a roster spot. Now, the former University of Florida star has been passed over for a speaking slot at the Republican National Convention, according to RNC chief spokesman Sean Spicer. With rumors of Tebow delivering one of his stirring speeches at the convention in Cleveland heating up, Spicer insisted that the former Heisman Trophy winner would not be taking the stage in support of radioactive human pumpkin Donald Trump. Tebow was one of a number of sports figures on the list of speakers approved by Trump, but someone must have gotten to the GOP's presumptive presidential nominee and convinced him that there were better options. "I think that we would love to have him, don't get me wrong," Spicer said. "There was some speculation that he might be coming. I think he's cleared that up. Tebow also addressed the issue in a Facebook post, saying it was only a rumor that that he is willing to do "anything for America," but that won't include speaking on Trump's behalf. With all of Trump’s adult children needing their own time to speak about their blowhard father, finding a spot for Tebow definitely would be tough……….

- People are still idiots. Pokemon Go is merely confirming what we already knew, as evidenced by the plight of a German man who was arrested for evading a prison sentence after he ventured out to play the newly launched smartphone game with friends. Not realizing that walking out into the world for any reason when wanted by police is a risky proposition or perhaps deciding that pursuing artificial, digital glory on a 5-inch screen was more important than remaining a free man, this ass hat in the town of Trier, on Germany's western border, went out with a group of friends to play the app after it was officially rolled out in Germany earlier in the week. Police took note of the group's "peculiar behavior" as they played the game in the city, prompting officers to check their papers. The wanted man initially gave a false identity but police quickly established that there was an arrest warrant out for him because somehow a person with his level of genius was unable to convincingly fake who he was. In the end, he was detained and is now serving a six-month prison sentence he had previously avoided serving. Police didn’t disclose what his original offense was, but based on the amount of intelligence he’s disclosed in the past few days, one has to imagine it was an incredibly intricate, high-level crime like punching a police horse or throwing a half-empty liquor bottle at a passing police car……..

- Radiohead want your help. The British rockers have released an alternative version of the track 'Daydreaming' and they want their fans to help them complete their vignette series for their latest album, on which the song appears. Every Friday since releasing their ninth studio album 'A Moon Shaped Pool', Radiohead have posted artist-created vignettes for each album track to their Instagram account, but they left one for the fans to contribute to and have asked them to download the new version of 'Daydreaming' before posting their visuals on social media. What’s unique about this particular version of “Daydreaming” is that it features strings which aren't present on the album version, so those who elect to do some free creative work for the band will have a chance to put their own stamp on a take of the song that hasn’t been available to others. In order to enter the contest, all fans need to do is submit their video with the hashtag #RHVignette on Instagram, Twitter or Facebook. After someone else does all of the heavy lifting for a minimal amount of credit and recognition, Thom Yorke and his bandmates will choose their favorite version and share it on their website. There are about two weeks left in the competition, which closes on July 30, so those with creativity and sufficient free time have plenty of days left to create a unique, original take on the song and share it with the world………

- When everyone is going one way, it’s often wise to go the other direction. While the recent police shootings that killed five officers in Dallas have caused a lot of people to express appreciation for law enforcement - although clearly many across the United States are very unhappy with the police - a restaurant owner in a rural county about 70 miles north of Seattle is going the other direction. According to the local sheriff, the owner of Lucky's Teriyaki in Sedro-Woolley has asked that law enforcement no longer dine at his fine establishment. Skagit County Sheriff Will Reichardt wrote in a post on Facebook that after four deputies finished lunch at the eatery, the owner asked them not to eat there anymore. His reason? Reichardt says the deputies were told that customers didn't like law enforcement there. It’s an odd request in a place that hasn’t exactly had a spate of police shootings at any point in its history and it makes you wonder if a lot of drug dealers, wanted felons and career arsonists are eating at Lucky's Teriyaki for its fine cuisine. After hearing from his deputies what happened at the restaurant, the sheriff had his chief deputy call the owner and to his surprise, the request was confirmed along with a request to spread the word among other law enforcement agencies. Publicly, the Sedro-Woolley Police Department insisted on its Facebook page that while it’s disappointed by the request, its officers will continue to respond to any calls from Lucky's Teriyaki in the same way they would any other business. Privately, the owner of Lucky's Teriyaki should probably make sure he’s closely adhering to any and all traffic laws and not jaywalking, trespassing or littering as he goes throughout his day because rest assured, law enforcement knows who he is, where he lives and works and what kind of vehicle he drives. His chances of getting any sort of breaks or leniency in the event he’s caught breaking even the most inane law are lower than low at this point………..

Cubs panic resumes, a 94-year-old black belt and MIA threatens to go MIA

- Cuba is getting more visitors these days and with that comes the chance to make a lot more money of the touristas who come to the communist island nation. Various hospitality and service industries stand to benefit from the influx of island interlopers, but Cuban authorities are targeting one particular group to make sure that they don’t try to gouge people in the name of profits. Specifically, the government is warning that it will pull the licenses of private taxi drivers who raise fares. The guys and ladies who drive the mostly 1950s-era American cars that function as collective taxis typically charge about 40 cents and are a key form of transportation on the island. Some of complained recently of rates doubling on some routes and while paying 80 cents for a taxi would still seem to be a bargain for many visitors from developed nations, it’s a big problem on the island and comes as officials say the country faces months of economic and energy restrictions due in part to the crisis in Venezuela and a reduction in the amount of oil Cuba receives from its South American ally. According to authorities, Havana official Isabel Hamze said government officials held an emergency meeting and agreed to take "severe measures" against drivers who raise fares. He noted that  fuel prices are stable, so outside of sheer greed, there really isn't any reason for drivers to raise their rates. Maybe the influence of capitalism from American visitors really is making its impact felt on the small island nation…….

-  There are few better ways to drum up interest in a new album than to claim that it will be an artist’s last album. The idea that there will never be any more new music from an artist is a surefire way to get fans’ interest to pique, something rapper MIA knows well. It’s why she’s confirmed that her forthcoming album 'AIM' will be her last solo release. It will be her fifth studio album and while promoting her new single  “Go Off,” a collaboration with Skrillex and Blaqstarr, so was asked about rumors that it would indeed be her last album. "Yeah, I think so. I wanna go and do some other stuff and take some time out,” she said. "I’m sure I’ll put music out and make music, but as an album, this just came together after [November 2015 single] Borders and it just seemed like it wrote itself very quickly. I had to just go with it." Way to hedge, MIA. It’s convenient timing that her decision to “do other stuff and take some time out” comes as she was yanked as a headliner for London's Afropunk festival following controversial comments she made about the Black Lives Matter movement. Her words proved that just because you can write a song doesn’t mean you’re well-spoken enough to articular wise thoughts on a major social movement currently sweeping the United States. To a cynic, claiming this is your last album at such a time would simply be a way for you to duck the heat from your remarks and set up a potentially profitable comeback in the future………

- Old people often have a lot of pent-up anger from decades of putting up with all of the annoying, irritating sh*t going on in the world around them. What better way to channel that rage than a few well-placed kicks, punches and chops? Someone who knows this well is 94-year-old retired doctor Harlan Van Over of Evansville, Indiana, who has held many titles in his life and now, he’s a record-holder as the oldest person ever to earn a sixth-degree black belt in taekwondo. Van Over is now one of about 200 people to achieve the honor of a sixth-degree black belt and he refuses to let age slow down his board-breaking ways. "My mind says one thing, but my body says who do you think your talking to," Van Over said. "He (his instructor) told me many times, if you weren't doing taekwondo you'd be dead, and he's probably right. I've looked death in the face many times so I don't worry about it.” He’s not kidding about the staring down death thing, as he was a bombardier for the Air Force in World War II and was shot down three times over Germany. From those and other experiences, he’s learn the importance of a positive attitude and always doing his best. His instructor marvels at his energy and strength at 94 years old and hopes to be able to a) still be alive and b) have the same fire at that age. It does beg the question of who is actually willing to spat with a 94-year-old dude in class for fear of breaking him, but a sixth-degree black belt is still a sixth-degree black belt………

- If the Major League Baseball season is resuming after the All-Star Break, so too must be the building panic around the Chicago Cubs. The Cubs went 2-9 in their final 11 games and 7-14 in their final 21 before the break, causing fans of the perpetually downtrodden team without a World Series title in more than a century to hit the panic button with a sledgehammer. The media has followed suit, wondering what the hell is wrong with a team once on pace for 112 wins this season, but Cubs first baseman Anthony Rizzo is having none of it. Rizzo launched into a monologue prior to the first game of the season’s second half, going after those who believe the sky is falling for the Cubbies. "The only people panicking about this is the media," Rizzo said. "No offense to you guys. It's been pretty negative. All the comments coming out of everyone's mouth except in this clubhouse. We feel great. We feel great to be back together and we're ready to go." Right, except if you listen to Cubs fans and see where they’re at via social media and various message boards, it’s pretty clear that it’s not just the media being negative about the Cubs' struggles before the All-Star break, when a double-digit lead in the National League Central dropped to seven games. Rizzo and manager Joe Maddon seem to believe that a grueling schedule in which the Cubs played 23 of 33 games on the road and played on 24 consecutive days was simply a tough road that led to a temporary downturn for the team. "The only people worried about it are outsiders,” Rizzo said. If that helps you believe that the sky isn’t really falling, then keep telling yourself that…….

Pokemon Go ruins South Korea, naming an NHL team is hard and lifeguards napping it out

- When you’re making a wholly unnecessary sequel and bringing a long-dormant movie franchise back to life, why not go to the extreme? Go really overboard, cast tons of people and make it a really bloated movie with too many moving parts… right producers of “Blade Runner 2?” The film’s cast is once again growing, having adding actors Hiam Abbass (“Exodus: Gods and Kings,” “Munich”) and David Dastmalchian (“Ant-Man”) in roles so new that their identities aren’t yet known. They join an incredibly crowded sound stage that already includes Ryan Gosling, Harrison Ford, Robin Wright, Carla Juri, Ana de Armas, Mackenzie Davis, Sylvia Hoeks and Dave Bautista. Hell, the movie doesn’t even have a title yet and still, the studio is stacking up actors like pieces of firewood. What is known is that Denis Villeneuve (“Sicario”) will direct the project from a script written by Hampton Fancher, co-writer of the original “Blade Runner.” Ridley Scott directed the original 1982 sci-fi classic, but he’s moved to the executive producer’s chair for this one. The sequel will be set several decades after the conclusion of Blade Runner and is the brainchild of Scott and Fancher. Interestingly, Ford's iconic character Rick Deckard will not appear in the entirety of the sequel. "Harrison is very much part of this one, but really it's about finding him; he comes in in the third act,” Scott said. The only clues about the film’s name come from reports that Warner Bros. has registered the domain names bladerunnerandroidsdreammovie.com and androidsdreammovie.com……..

- Napping it out on the job is option for some people. If you’re the night security guard at a warehouse or storage facility, catching a few z’s during your shift isn't the end of the world. Should you be the person tasked with counting the number of orange barrels to be used for an upcoming construction project, no one is going to be upset is you snooze on the employee’s lounge couch. But if you happen to be, for example, a lifeguard, you typically need to be awake and alert on the job. That goes for you, Myrtle Beach lifeguard publicly embarrassed by Karl Mroch, who he was walking along the beach at about 3 p.m. when he saw the lifeguard sleeping at around 4th Avenue North. In Mroch’s defense, he tried saying "hello" to the lifeguard several times before he began recording a video he obviously posted to Facebook. In the video, Mroch raises his camera up to the lifeguard, whose eyes are shut, and taps the guard’s face with his phone. At that point, the well-rested lifeguard woke up and looked at Mroch, who said hello and stopped recording. He said that he then lectured the man on how his job was to save lives and when he tried to defend himself, Mroch told him to look at the word “LIFEGUARD” on his shirt. What qualifies Mroch to lecture anyone about not being able to sleep on the job is unclear, but the situation was brought to the attention of Lack’s Beach Service, the company that provides lifeguard services to beaches in Myrtle Beach. The lifeguard could be disciplined or fired for his actions, but maybe Mroch should be too. Rather than film the lifeguard to make a public spectacle of him, he could have immediately awoken the man so he could get back to doing the job he had been neglecting………

- Getting an NHL franchise is apparently easier than naming one for Las Vegas hockey franchise owner Bill Foley. Foley was fired up three weeks ago when he was awarded the NHL’s 31st franchise, but nearly a month after the face, his group is having trademark issues and finding a difficult road to naming their team. Foley did take a step forward by selecting George McPhee as his general manager, but then expressed impatience at how the process has stalled. "We have a lot of names in mind, but a lot of the ones I really liked are trademarked, so that's a little bit of an issue," Foley said. "I'm happy to take any suggestions anyone has for a name, particularly one that's not already trademarked." As a 1967 graduate of West Point, Foley has expressed an affinity for the name "Black Knights" as a nod to the Army and multiple reports have suggested hat "Knights" was likely to be the name of the Las Vegas team, which will begin play in 2017-18. Foley actually made a salient point when he joked that after agreeing to pay the league a $500 million expansion fee, he should be able to pick the name. "Our goal is to have a logo and a team name ASAP," Foley said. "I didn't realize how complicated it was. It is complicated, and we're working our way through the process right now as we speak." With all of the gambling and entertainment ideas around Sin City, can there really be that many issues with trademarks for every good name? Are the Las Vegas Tacky Neon Signs or All-You-Can-Eat Late-Night Buffets already taken? Time to step up your imagination level, Foley ownership group………

- Damn you, Pokemon Go. Your brief burst of fame is getting to be pretty damn annoying, what with idiots causing car accidents and walking into other people on the street so they can “find” animated characters who don’t actually exist. It’s creating havoc in places where the game isn’t even in existence, such as the seaside South Korean city of Sokcho. Right now, the poor residents of Sokcho are dealing with hundreds of kooks wandering their streets at all hours, noses firmly planted in their phones because they’ve flocked to the only place in the country where Pokemon Go players can chase the mobile game's virtual monsters. Sure, local restaurants, hotels and businesses are trying to capitalize on the sudden surge of visitors, trying to lure them in with photos of Pikachu and other monsters and promising free gifts to the Pokemon "trainers." Even the city’s mayor is pledging to fuel this craze by vowing to increase free Wi-Fi hotspots and battery charging stations. Quick-reacting travel agencies are offering Pokemon-themed tour packages to Sokcho and hotels in the east coast city near the North Korean border have seen reservations soar. What’s worth noting is that the game has not been officially launched in South Korea and might never be, despite its blockbuster status in the United States. The reason South Korea is likely to be excluded from the Pokemon Go's Asia launch because South Korea's government restricts Google Maps service for security reasons. Sadly, that means South Koreans will have to work hard to find other ways to waste their precious time…….

Third Reich turtles, Pixies honor their past and minor league baseball rage

- When someone points a gun in your face….just walk away? If you ask New Zealand deli owner and all-around badass Said Ahmed, that’s precisely what you do. Ahmed had a bold response when one would-be robber walked in with bad intentions and pulled a gun as Ahmed was preparing a large order of chicken souvlaki for takeout. Rather than cower in fear or simply hand the robber all of the cash in the register, Ahmed finished the order and handed it to the customer who was actually paying instead of stealing before maintaining his composure by walking away. The paying customer meekly took his order and walked out, but so did Ahmed. “The man wanted to frighten me and I decided he couldn’t do that,” Ahmed said. “I told myself, ‘If he shoots me, at least my body will be further away and the gunshot won’t be as serious as shooting me at close range in my heart or head.” Surveillance video shows Ahmed handing the customer the order, turning around and walking into the kitchen to call police. Amazingly, the armed suspect simply watched him go and rather than pursue in an effort to keep his attempted criminal enterprise, he simply walked out of the store empty-handed. It was an inspiring moment by Ahmed, who is originally from Egypt and has a degree in agricultural engineering and has lived in Christchurch for 20 years. After this, here’s hoping all residents of his neighborhood patronize his business in support of a true local badass………

- A disappointing 2016 season just took another step in the wrong direction for outfielder Anthony Gose, who was simultaneously reinstated and demoted by the Detroit Tigers after he was suspended for an altercation with Triple-A manager Lloyd McClendon over the weekend. "After collectively evaluating the situation in Toledo, we spoke with Anthony and emphasized our organization's expectations of him," Tigers general manager Al Avila said in a statement. "Most importantly, Anthony's transfer to Erie is a move to give him a fresh start to his overall performance as he works his way back to Detroit." Right, because getting sent down to Double-A is all about a fresh start. The Tigers clearly didn’t have much of a choice after Gose and McClendon got into a heated argument in the dugout during the first game of a doubleheader for the Toledo Mud Hens on account of McClendon removing Gose from the lineup in the third inning and replacing him with pinch hitter Jeff McVaney. In response, Gose, who began the season as the Tigers' starting center fielder, did not show up at the ballpark for Sunday's game after not being in the lineup for the second game Saturday. His personal items were soon gone from his locker and just like that, a guy who made the majors out of spring training and earned the starting job in center heads to Double-A with a low batting average and even lower perception of his game and character in his organization……….

- Dear racist/bigoted/hatemongering idiot roaming St. Petersburg, Florida with a jar of White-Out and a lame sense of humor: Your joke is neither appreciated nor still in existence. Whoever this a-hole is, he or she thought it was hilarious to seek out the slowest and least able to defend themselves among us and humiliate them by emblazoning upon them a symbol representing hate and one of the ugliest eras in the history of humanity. The story came to light when photos surfaced on Facebook showing a tortoise at Sawgrass Lake Park with swastikas painted on its shell. Some time in the past few weeks, the offending party with corrective fluid and a sub-zero IQ painted three swastikas on its shell, leaving the turtle to lumber around the park in shame until someone found it, snapped pictures and shed light on the issue. Staff at the park were able to track down the turtle and clean off its shell so it didn’t bear the ugly marks of the Third Reich and Holocaust. The tortoise also appeared to have a crack in its shell, but officials believe the injury is old and now, this poor animal can bear that crack with pride, knowing that there aren’t any symbols of genocide painted on it. Sadly, it’s unlikely the person who defaced the turtle’s shell will ever be found, but all office supply stores in the greater St. Petersburg area are advised to be on the lookout for a knuckle-dragging Neanderthal slinking his or her way through their aisles in the near future………

- Kim Deal may be gone, but she is not forgotten. The iconic bassist left the Pixies in 2013, shortly before they recorded their comeback album 'Indie Cindy,' taking her bass and vocals with her after splitting with husband and bandmate Thurston Moore. In the three years since her departure, the band has persisted even though it has gone through more bassists in that time than it went through in the previous three decades. Deal was initially replaced in the group by Kim Shattuck, but that arrangement didn’t last long. Shortly after Shattuck walked in the door, the idea of trading one Kim for another fell through and it was announced that Zwan member Paz Lenchantin would fill in on a permanent basis. Now, with the band's new album 'Head Carrier' coming in September, frontman Frank Black says that the Pixies are going to offer up a tip of the cap to their former leading lady in the form of a song. According to Black, the record includes a track penned as a "thank-you letter" to Deal, with the lyrics sung by Lenchantin. In an interesting twist, the song is reportedly called 'All I Think About Now,’ which suggests that the band still thinks about Deal and how much she meant to them over the course of countless hit singles, albums, tours and years together. Pixies have never sounded the same since Deal left and it’s dubious whether this new album can actually change any of that, but at least for a moment, maybe one of the greatest bands in the history of indie rock can revive a flare of its past glory and make fans remember a time when they were legit and legendary………

Hosting the Olympics is still a bad idea, atomic wings for the law and Tarantino promises to stay at 10

- It’s not getting better, is it Venezuela? Not if your defense minister is being asked to step into a bigger role in order to give the military a tighter grip on the economy as your socialist-run country struggles to combat severe shortages and stave off food riots. Yes, food riots are a reality and to keep them from tearing the country apart even further, Defense Minister Vladimir Padrin is getting a major promotion. Dictator/President Nicolas Maduro announced that he was creating a new government initiative to boost production and guarantee the smooth distribution of food supplies, which sounds like a swell idea until you realize that the military historically has been the arbiter of disputes in Venezuela and it’s really never gone well. Oh, and Maduro is tightening his grip on the country at a time when polls show that he is more unpopular than ever, so there’s that as well. This is a despot who since taking power has enhanced the military's power and handed it key cabinet posts with control over the economy, giving the citizens of his downtrodden country even more reasons to be concerned. While Padrin is being elevated in power and his job description says he will coordinate the work of every ministry, odds are that he will abuse that power, overstep his bounds and give everyone a whole new list of reasons to hate their dictatorial leader and try to vote him out in the country’s next round of totally rigged national elections…….

- The end is near if you believed quirky, often-brilliant director Quentin Tarantino. The man who helmed “Pulp Fiction” and “The Hateful Eight” has long stood on the promise that he plans to make only 10 films in his career and during a recent speech at a film festival in Israel, he was asked if he intends to stick to that plan after “Django Unchained” and “The Hateful Eight” raised his current tally to eight. Technically, he’s cheating because “Kill Bill” was originally filmed as one movie and split into two because the studio figured people wouldn’t want to watch a five-hour behemoth, but even so, does Tarantino really have just two movies left in his demented mind? “I’m planning on stopping at 10. So it’ll be two more,” he said. “Even if at 75, if I have this other story to tell, it would still kind of work because that would make those 10. They would be there and that would be that. But the one he did when he was an old f***ing man, that geriatric one exists completely on its own in the old folks’ home and is never put in the same shelf next to the other 10.” Umm, OK Q., whatever you say. This sounds oddly like the boxer who insists that he’s done after he wins a nice, round number of fights, only to realize that life without doing the thing he loves is kind of awful and that he misses the money, fame and spotlight being on him, so he returns even though he’s well past his prime and can’t land punches the way he once did………

- Maybe if the world embraced this method of going after law enforcement, the world would be a better place. In Cleveland County, North Carolina, authorities are claiming that deputies were taunted by employees and served tampered food at a fast food restaurant while taking a lunch break in their uniforms. The wife of a Cleveland County deputy posted a message in which she claimed that “the boys in the back cooking the food started yelling at them and calling them names," referring to her husband's trip to the Zaxby's restaurant in Shelby. The wife claimed that her husband and his partner were both on duty and in uniform and they “ignored the insults” before ordering, sitting down to eat the food and realizing that the workers “had put the hottest sauce possible on [his] wings - to the point where his food wasn't even fit to eat.” The odds are that most food at a place like Zaxby’s isn't fit to eat, but that didn’t assuage the rage of Cleveland County Capt. Joel Shores, who sounds pretty angry about this. "Years ago, this profession was respected, it was honored. Now to get ridiculed, to be a target, to possibly get shot at, for little pay... what’s the motivation to be a police officer other than do it because your heart’s in it to help the community?” Shores said. My man, if everyone who has a problem with the cops merely made fun of them and put the atomic wing sauce on their food, this country would be a much safer place. Zaxby’s said in a statement it was investigating the claims and "working quickly to resolve this issue." Sounds like a year’s worth of free wings is on the way for these two men in blue……..

- You can sign on as many millionaires, billionaires and power brokers as you want; it’s not going to make hosting the Olympics a good idea for any American city or even something other than a surefire fiscal apocalypse. That’s directed at you, Los Angeles, after hearing that you’ve landed the chairman and CEO of The Walt Disney Co. to be a part of your bid to land the 2024 Olympics. Welcome aboard, Bob Iger, to serve as a vice chair of the bid committee's board of directors, joining former Olympic champion swimmer Janet Evans, retired NBA champion Magic Johnson, nine-time Paralympian Candace Cable and labor leader Maria Elena Durazo. It’s an impressive group, but unless these five are going to fund the Games all on their own, then it’s still a terrible idea to bid for and host the Olympics. Venues are built that will be needed for only a few weeks, gridlock is caused, people are displaced and the host city spends billions of dollars it will never come close to recouping, all in the name of….what, again? Hosting the Olympics used to be cool, but now so many cities are in fiscal trouble and nations are struggling with their bottom line to the point that it makes no sense to bid to host, all the while painting a huge terrorist target over the entire city. Therefore, it could not matter less that LA 2024 chairman Casey Wasserman says Iger has a proven track record of reaching young people and families with content delivered through the latest digital technology, because the real winning result for the United States would be for one of the other bidding cities, maybe Rome, to “earn” the right to put on the Games in eight years……..

Meat Loaf v. nutrition, Romanianproduce wars and Joseph Randle's beer pong sanity confirmed

- Being found mentally competent would normally be a (relatively) positive development. For former Dallas Cowboys running back Joseph Randle, not so much. Randle, who has been arrested on charges of shoplifting cologne and underwear from the Dillard's at Stonebriar Mall in Dallas, been accused of trying to pay a police officer $100 for a massage after another arrested and felon-ized his way out of football and into a long life behind bars, hit a new legal low in Kansas this week, where he was found competent enough to be tried in his February beer pong-based assault case. Yes, this guy went from evading would-be tacklers to trying to take down frat bros who called isolation on the middle cup in the back row and proceeded to sink the shot and rip his dignity with it. As a result, he was arrested Feb. 21 after police said he struck three people with his car after getting into an argument at a housewarming party in southeast Wichita. It was part of an amazing stretch in which he was arrested six times in 18 months and yet somehow, a beer pong argument leading to weaponizing your vehicle is clearly rock bottom. Even when you mix in Randle racking up a new charge stemming from allegations of a threat he made May 14 while at the Sedgwick County Jail awaiting dates on two other felony cases, it’s the beer pong battle that shows how far he’s fallen and why Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said back in November that the team was concerned about Randle's mental stability even while he was still with the team……….

- In Romania, the battle over what stocks supermarket shelves has gone presidential. Yes, things have gotten serious enough that Romania's president has signed into law legislation obliging supermarkets to sell at least 51 percent locally-produced meat, fruit, eggs and vegetables. The hero to the farming sector is President Klaus Iohannis, who enacted the law, approved by Parliament in June, in a move to prop up Romanian produce. Yes, the measure only applies to food retail outlets with an annual turnover greater than 2 million euros ($2.2 million), but let’s not focus on the fact that smaller stores can still skirt the law and laser in on the fact that retailers violating the law can be fined 100,000 to 150,000 lei ($24,600 to $36,800) and can be shut down for repeated violations. Yes, shut down if they keep thumbing their nose at the law of the land. Not surprisingly, the move has been criticized by a group that sounds like the fictional conglomerate of villainy that tries to ruin the day in every Disney Pixar movie before failing miserably and realizing the error of their ways, the Association of Big Retailers, who claim will lead to price hikes and thousands of suppliers going out of business. That sounds more like a threat than an argument, but the law can be contested at the Constitutional Court, so this fight may not be over just yet……..

- Meat Loaf will do anything for health, but he won’t put down the fudgesicles and pound cake - or will he? Yes, the cherubic pop singer has committed to a diet and fitness regime following his collapse on stage during a gig in Canada last month. The singer - real name Marvin Lee Aday - was playing a concert in Edmonton, Alberta when he went down hard, forcing him to cancel shows in Moose Jaw and Calgary as he dealt with the - pun intended - fallout. Footage of him dropping to the floor during a performance of 'I Would Do Anything For Love’ has gone viral and yet, the Loaf insists he’s on the comeback trail. "I’m okay. Weak. I’ve gotta go to physical therapy. I had back surgery and knee surgery within the last two years, and the knee surgery failed, so I haven’t been able to work out on tour," he said. However, Mr. Loaf said he’s lost nearly 20 pounds and he plans to shed 15 more before he reaches the United Kingdom leg of his hour. "So we’re trying to watch out for my health and make it easier onstage,” he added. Looking back, he admitted that he was feeling unwell before the gig in Canada and had been drinking Pedialytes, typically given to ill children, before shows in order to get on stage. That didn’t keep him from crashing and burning. He felt dizzy, realized he was about to faint and tried to go down on his own, only to fall hard and stay napping it out until he reached the hospital………

- Wait….so there are standards for what you can do when a drunk driver crashes into your front yard? According to police in Vacaville, California, there are and a homeowner who watched a liquored-up motorist smash across his property line crossed the line in responding to the vehicular assault on his lawn. Around 5 p.m., officers responded to a report of a traffic accident in the 500 block of Bass Drive and when they got there, they saw a truck that had crashed into the front yard of a home. They also chatted with some witnesses who told them that the driver of the truck had just walked into a nearby residence. When they tracked the driver down, he informed them that he had just been beaten with a baseball bat and through some legit police work, the officers determined that after the crash, the offended homeowner then went outside to confront the driver and assaulted him with said bat. At that point, the driver fled the scene on foot and was trying to get to safety when the cops tracked him down. His day got worse when he was taken to a hospital for treatment and later arrested on suspicion of driving while under the influence of alcohol, but the homeowner had to be held accountable for his attempted Mike Trout-ing of the driver and was summarily arrested on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon. All in all, it was a dizzying blend of booze, rage, poor baseball skills and neighbors who actually delivered a reasonably accurate version of events when police requested their help in determining what happened. Sadly, even when a lush has a beer or six too many and decimates your decorative lawn sphere before turfing your petunias and daisies, you cannot Louisville Slugger their ass into submission. Thanks for nothing, American legal system with all your rules and standards. You’ve failed us all once again……..

Farewell to Klinsmann, suing to not vote for Trump and inking up for The Kills

- Liking a band is one thing. Getting art representing them permanently etched into your skin merely because the band asks you to is another level entirely. It’s questionable whether the 15 fans who willingly inked up because The Kills requested it deserve credit or criticism, but back in June, the band had asked for 15 fans to take part in the project, entitled ‘Under The Gun.” Singer Alison Mosshart and guitarist Jamie Hince volunteered to pay for the tattoos, which were inked at Los Angeles tattoo parlor Shamrock Social Club, with the ink placed wherever on the fans’ bodies that they chose. The only conditions were being willing to have them done at Shamrock Social Club and allowing the band to film them, with each tattoo inspired by the songs on the duo’s new album ‘Ash And Ice.’ All of the tattoos have a similar design, featuring a solid black outline, one inch in diameter. Now that the ink is done, each tattoo of a symbol assigned specifically to a song on the album, the footage from the tattoo sessions are the basis for The Kills’ new single ‘Hard Habit To Break.” Because there are only 13 songs on the album, the final two tattoos are of the volcano and martini glass from the album’s cover. That level of commitment seems to deserve more than being temporarily immortalized in a music video that will soon be forgotten, but you don’t always get what you deserve……..

- Now that U.S.-Cuban relations have reopened and more tourism dollars are flowing into the island nation, everything is cool for the Cuban economy, right? Or not. Not if Cuba's parliament convenes for one of its twice-annual plenary sessions having been warned by government officials that the country needs to cut energy use and with many islanders are desperate for more extensive economic reforms and that parliament seems ill-equipped to deliver that change. Sure, the National Assembly approved an economic roadmap that emerged from a spring Communist Party congress, but it’s not like their recent plans have produced much in the way of positive results. The most recent round of reforms began six years ago under President Raul Castro and they’ve produced but a smattering of private-sector activity. The state still controls crucial areas of the economy and now, the prices of the country’s exports are falling, meaning Cubans will be forced to adopt power- and fuel-saving measures. So far, that’s meant reduced bus services, cutting back on air-conditioning at public offices, reduced work days at some state buildings and slashing fuel allotments for government vehicles by half. Also on the agenda at the parliament’s meeting at a convention center in Havana were Cuba's chronic housing crisis, food quality and customs regulations……...

- If a wildly disappointing coach of a national team no one really cares about falls in the soccer forest, does he make a sound? Probably not and if the Jurgen-Klinsmann-to-England rumors turn out to be true, American soccer isn’t going to be that much worse off. Multiple sources have reported that Klinsmann is “in discussions” with the English Football Association over the vacant England manager job, which came clear after former England boss Roy Hodgson stepped down after his team was upset by Iceland in the Euro 2016 Round of 16. Klinsmann’s biggest “accomplishment” during his tenure with the U.S. Men’s National Team was a semifinal berth in the Copa America tournament last month, but that run ended with a 4-0 ass-kicking at the hands of world No. 1 Argentina. Klinsmann was hired by the U.S. in 2011 following the firing of Bob Bradley and other than Copa America and reaching the round of 16 at the 2014 World Cup, he hasn’t come anywhere close to taking the U.S. to the top of the world soccer power structure. It’s actually amusing that England still thinks so highly of him given how lackluster his USMNT tenure has been, but maybe the English have fond memories of his stint  in charge at Bayern Munich and leading the German national team to third place at the 2006 World Cup. Or perhaps those good times playing for two years in the English Premier League with Tottenham Hotspur are enough to push him ahead of other candidates for the England manager job like Arsenal coach Arsene Wagner……..

- There’s nothing that could happen in the context of America’s most doomed presidential election in its history that would seem implausible at this point, so having a Republican delegate from northern Virginia waging a legal battle against the government on account of being forced to vote for Donald Trump on the first ballot at the upcoming Republican National Convention is perfectly reasonable at this point. GOP delegate Beau Correll says the law violates his First Amendment right to free speech and freedom of association, but the fact is that legally he has to vote for Trump because Trump won Virginia's primary. Should he fail to live up to his duty, he could  be charged with a misdemeanor. His legal argument isn’t finding a receptive audience with Virginia Attorney General Mark Herring, who insists that the law must be followed and that Correll should have been aware of it when he took office. Correll, meanwhile, believes that voting for Trump is essentially handing the election to presumptive Democratic nominee Hilary Clinton. "I'm gonna go there, vote my conscience, and I'm not gonna vote for Donald Trump," Correll said. "If you are for Donald Trump, here today, you're almost for certain defeat, and a Hillary Clinton presidency." The Correll v. Virginia battle merits watching because if Correll wins, it could clear the way for other delegates to revolt against Trump at the Convention next week…….

Today's Olympic doping drama, Saudi Arabia v. dog pageants and brawling state senators

- There is so much wonderful and ironic in the amusing tale of Mississippi State Sen. Chris Massey. Massey, who spends his days accomplishing nothing while wearing a suit and tie like a good elected legislator, spends his off time alongside his father, brawling with landscapers in a place ironically known as Olive Branch. He and his father, who are the homebuilders for a subdivision, had a dispute with two landscapers and blocked the road so their adversaries couldn’t pass by. According to the landscapers, Massey and his father spit in the face of one of the landscapers, causing the landscaper to push Massey and prompting Massey’s father to reach into a nearby truck and grab a shovel. From there, in a development that would make Ron Burgundy and his news team proud, the situation escalated quickly and a tire iron and other lawn equipment were soon weaponized. The landscaper even claimed that the father, Jake Massey, mentioned a gun he had in his car. All of this happened as the homeowner whose yard was the setting for the brawl looked on. Witnesses claimed that the Massey man tried to get others to jump in on the fight, behavior that doesn’t really reflect well on a guy who is - wait for it - the chairman of the legislature’s ethics committee. In the end, three of those involved in the brawl, including Massey, are facing aggravated assault charges. Massey issued a statement insisting he has “committed no crime and have great confidence that once the true facts are known that I will be completely exonerated.” Stay optimistic, Likes to Fight Guy, stay optimistic……..

- While fans wait for the successor to R&B singer Frank Ocean’s critically-acclaimed debut 'Channel Orange,' they’re desperate for any indication of when the new album will come their way. The latest hint may be found in an extremely unlikely place, as eagle-eyed fans spotted a cleverly disguised introductory paragraph about Ocean in a Calvin Klein ad. The ad, on the company’s website, contains source code suggesting what Ocean may have been doing the past few years rather than releasing his second album. The album, expected to be titled “Boys Don’t Cry,” was initially expected to drop last year and its delay his only increased excitement over the project. In the source code for the ad is the sentence, "He has published a magazine and worked on a novel while continuing to perfect his highly anticipated second album." That fits with the theory that a magazine titled “Boys Don't Cry” will be published alongside the new album and it also jibes with Ocean’s previous comments from 2012 that he "might just write a novel next.” While only small bits of information are known about the new album, it is thought to have been recorded at the famed Abbey Road Studios in London and back in March, Ocean’s producer Malay said that the album was “maybe a month away.” That month has grown longer and longer, with no concrete data available on when it will actually become a reality……...

- There are a lot of activities that aren’t allowed in strict societies such as Saudi Arabia, but a dog pageant wouldn’t seem to be one of the happenings that the powers that be won’t allow to go on. Yet if you believe that, then you’re sorely mistaken. Two Saudi men have reportedly been arrested for promoting a dog pageant in the kingdom, where owning a canine for a pet is forbidden. These rebels promoted their planned contest on social media using the hashtag “most beautiful dog in Jeddah,” unveiling a plan in which the 10 best dogs would be recognized, with the top three owners getting prizes in a ceremony scheduled to coincide with the Eid festival, marking the end of the holy month of Ramadan. However, social media is a notoriously difficult place to conceal illegal activities and when Saudi authorities learned of the event, they quickly shut it down and arrested the organizers, who face unspecified legal action. City officials posted their own social media message mockingly using the promoters’ “most beautiful dog” hashtag to notify people that the event was canceled. Dogs cannot be owned as pets in Saudi Arabia and other places in the Muslim world because they are seen as unclean, yet cats and dogs remain popular with many citizens. It’s a dicey setting in which so-called “morality police” watch for and report on dog owners and where trying to put a tiara on a good-looking dog is a reason to be thrown in jail……….

- The Olympics are inching ever closer and with each step toward the Games comes another twist in one of the ongoing doping scandals swirling around various nations and their athletes. Russia has gotten a lot of heat and a ban on its track athletes for the Rio Olympics, but Kenya is closing quickly and for the country that has been a dominant force in distance running for decades, it’s only fitting. The current drama centers on Federico Rosa, a manager who was released on bail while Kenyan police investigate him for allegedly providing banned substances to another runner as far back as 12 years ago. Rosa has at least one supporter in world 1,500-meter champion Asbel Kiprop, who defended his manager against doping accusations and said he was being "accused falsely." Kiprop posted a statement on social media advocating for his manager. "I have worked with Federico Rosa since 2008. I will work with Rosa to my retirement. I will stand out for the truth," Kiprop said in his statement. Kenya has been beset by a series of doping scandals in the past four years and the country’s track and field team was already under a microscope with Rio approaching. That will happen when you’ve had around 40 runners banned for doping since the 2012 Olympics, four senior federation officials facing allegations of corruption and your drug-testing program suspended by the World Anti-Doping Agency. Rosa is under fire largely due to  accusations made by Elijah Kiprono Boit, a former runner who competed at the 2001 and 2004 world youth championships. The details are a bit murky, but Rosa is accused of helping administer prohibited substances to Boit and conspiring to injure him through doping in a period from 2004 to 2008. ……...