The plague of reality TV spreads, NFL rookie contracts out of hand and Liam Gallagher hates Oasis...still

- And you thought the reality TV shows we watch here in the United States were ridiculous. At least we’re only holding shows to pick people for worthless, unimportant posts like karaoke champion, best D-list celebrity ballroom dancer and person with the best knowledge of random, useless facts. In Malaysia, they’re using the menace of reality TV to select their next religious leader. That’s right, it’s Young Imam, a Malaysian TV talent show searching for a new religious leader and scholar. In Friday's live TV final, Muhammad Asyraf beat out nine other contestants vying to win the title and associated prizes. He had to battle through 10 weeks of written and practical tests, which included reciting Koran verses, washing a dead body for burial and slaughtering sheep. Sounds a lot like Survivor, except without the eating of bugs. What did Asyraf win for his performance? He will receive a scholarship to al-Madinah University in Saudi Arabia, a job as prayer leader in a major mosque in Kuala Lumpur, a car and an all-expenses paid pilgrimage to Islam's holiest site, Mecca. Yes, because nothing says showing respect and honoring your religion quite like pimping out a prayer leader job to the winner of a reality show. And what’s not religious about vying to become a prayer leader in order to win a car and a vacation? But this was a primetime hit in Malaysia, so perhaps Americans aren’t the only ones with terrible taste in TV programming. On Friday night, as millions watched, Asyraf was chosen as the winner by the program's judge, an Islamic scholar and former imam, and "crowned" with a white Islamic skullcap. "I feel good. Thanks to my parents, my wife and my fellow villagers who have been supporting me," he said of his win. The producers of the program claimed that it was focused on helping young Muslims engage with religion, by teaching them what it takes to be an imam and that an imam's work extends beyond the mosque. And again, what better medium for that than the crap-tacular genre of reality television? Snooki, Jeff Probst, the losers of Big Brother, drunk Real Worlders having sex on camera and all Surreal Life alumni welcome you to the reality TV family, Real Imam………

- Am I the only one who is extremely pissed about NFL No. 1 overall draft pick Sam Bradford inking a six-year, $78 million contract with the St. Louis Rams, a deal with $50 million in guaranteed money and a max value of $86 million? Don’t get me wrong; I love the idea of a downtrodden team like the Rams getting their big gun into training camp as early as possible, giving him a chance to earn a starting spot and begin helping his team climb up out of the basement. However, I have a HUGE issue with a guy who has yet to take a single snap in the NFL receiving the highest amount of guaranteed money for any NFL contract, ever. That’s more money than Peyton Manning, Drew Brees, Tom Brady, Adrian Peterson, Chris Johnson, Andre Johnson or Jared Allen. Sure, the former Oklahoma quarterback could be the quarterback to revive the Rams, but right now, no one knows how good he’ll be. He could be the next Brady or he could be the next JaMarcus Russell and handing him $50 million guaranteed is ludicrous. There’s a reason that a rookie wage scale seems to be the one issue in the ongoing negotiations between the NFL Players Association and the league on a new collective bargaining agreement that both sides have any sort of agreement on. Even if they won't come out and say it because it’s considered poor form to criticized or begrudge a guy getting as much money as possible, veterans cannot be happy that a rookie fresh out of college is making so much more than proven stars. If Bradford plays and helps take the Rams from a 1-15 team to the playoffs within a couple years, then you can pay him accordingly. Instead, the trend of guaranteed money for the first overall pick escalating substantially continues for another year, Bradford’s haul tops the $41.7 million in guaranteed money that Matthew Stafford, the No. 1 pick last year, got on a six-year, $72 million deal with the Lions. Sooner or later, there isn’t going to be enough money to keep that trend going and there will be one very pissed-off first overall pick when that happens………

- You can stop the bitterman routine any time, former Oasis frontman Liam Gallagher. He and brother Noel, the band’s two main cogs during its contentious 15-plus years together, having been sniping back and forth and trading barbs since the band broke up last year, so the comments and bitterness is getting old at this point. All involved parties should just move on and focus on the future, but Liam Gallagher can't seem to do that. In a recent interview, he sniped that his former band will only get back together when they're "fucking skint". If you don’t speak British, skint means broke. Liam Gallagher, who is in the studio recording his debut with his new band Beady Eye, gave the interview at the launch of his first Pretty Green pop-up store in London on Friday and could not have been more dismissive about the chances of an Oasis reunion. "The only reason why Oasis will come back is when we're fucking skint. I'm far from skint as you can tell - and I won't be skint for a long, long fucking time. Believe me, it ain't gonna be happening," he said. Those words don’t exactly jive with previous comments he made about initially being "gutted" about the Oasis split. Of course, he chased those words by declaring it was "the best thing that's ever happened.” At this point, the only clear thing is that Liam Gallagher is as egotistical as ever and loves hearing himself talk. Beady Eye actually features former Oasis members Gem Archer, Andy Bell and Chris Sharrock and the über-arrogant Gallagher declared they have written the "best record you'll hear for the next 50 years. We have this tune and it was a bit Rolling Stonesy, and I didn't like it. It was slow and boring. So we just got on a piano and f*ck it up, Jerry Lee style, and stuck a John Lennon vocal on the top. It's good." He’s also working on a new Beatles biopic based on Richard DiLello's EMI memoir The Longest Cocktail Party, which charts the story of the famed record company at the end of the 1960s. "It's a good book and we can't balls it up now so the heat is on," Gallagher stated. "I'm more worried about getting that book right than getting the clothes right, and my record right. I'm not going to be in the film but I'm worried about getting it right, because it's other people's lives." Sounds like a man who loves being in the spotlight, eh…………

- In a continuation of an activity that consumes the vast majority of its work schedule every single day, Microsoft is releasing an out-of-band patch for a Windows security vulnerability that attackers have been targeting for the past few weeks. Security holes are a staple of every Windows operating system, so fixing those holes follows suit each and every time a new version is released. This particular bug is a vulnerability in the Windows shell component attackers have been exploiting via malicious .LNK files. the number of attacks has increased exponentially and Microsoft finally responded by announcing that it will put out t a patch Monday. “We are releasing the bulletin as we've completed the required testing and the update has achieved the appropriate quality bar for broad distribution to customers,” Christopher Budd, senior security response communications manager at Microsoft, wrote on the company’s blog. “Additionally, we're able to confirm that, in the past few days, we've seen an increase in attempts to exploit the vulnerability.” Not to get too technical on you, but the reason this part of the system is vulnerable to attacks is because of the way Windows parses .LNK shortcut files. In short, the Windows Shell component fails to correctly validate specific parameters of the shortcut. A user who opens an infected USB drive in Windows Explorer or any other program that parses the shortcut icon opens the door for malware to be executed. Oh, and Microsoft also warned that an attacker could set up a malicious Website or a remote network share and place the malicious component there, so there’s something else to consider. Thanks for staying consistent, Microsoft……

- Long live the mystery goat of Londonderry, New Hampshire! For weeks now, an elusive goat has frustrated all attempts to capture it in Londonderry and has earned something of cult hero status in the process. Although some locals have captured it on camera and others have reported seeing the goat in the woods near Rockingham Road, the goat remains at large. Londonderry resident Sean Buckley said he sees the goat just about every day when he gets to work near the tree line by the road. "It never reaches below those rocks," he said. "It's never made its way toward the road, so it's a well-trained goat, apparently." Aren’t all goats well-trained when it comes to evading capture? Goats are like the ninjas of the farm animal world. Londonderry residents have even bestowed a name - Rocky, logically - on the goat and spend a lot of time watching him. "I've actually made noises to him, and he just looks at me like I am nuts," local Robin Costigan said. While town officials have made a point of capturing the goat and brought in the Animal Rescue League of Boston to set up a trap in the woods, the town’s residents aren’t exactly supporting the effort and a few of them actually drop off food for Rocky that they buy from the Blue Seal store in Derry. "I would say in the last couple weeks, this goat has probably had over 100 pounds of food supplied to him," said Blue Seal employee Kerry Rodgers. That doesn’t sit well with the New Hampshire Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, which has erected signs on the path up to the goat's favorite place. "We are going to ask people to stop coming by and feeding it and let us take over from here and do the capture of the goat," said Steve Sprowl of the NHSPCA. "We want to get it out of here before there is any problem," Sprowl said. That is something we cannot allow to happen, Londonderry residents. Viva la goat………

Lorenzen Wright's bizarre story, airlines fixing cargo rates and the need to stop Sly Stallone from making another "Rambo" movie

- The case involving the death of former NBA player Lorenzen Wright is growing more and more bizarre by the day. Wright's body was found Wednesday in the woods in southeast Memphis. He had been missing for approximately a week, since July 18, when his ex-wife reported him missing. Wright was last seen leaving his ex-wife's house around midnight with an unidentified person and was not heard from again. Now, two days after the discovery of his body and the revelation that Memphis police are investigating the death as a possible homicide, we find out that three armed men looking for showed up at the home of Wright’s ex-wife, Sherra Wright, some six weeks prior to his death, looking for him. Sherra Wright was so shaken by the encounter that she waited until Monday to tell police about it. On Monday, she alerted police in the Memphis suburb of Collierville. Her attorney, Gail Mathes, said her client was afraid for herself and her children and kept because the men threatened her and her family if she told anyone about the visit. In addition to Sherra Wright’s story, the case has also seen the addition of a 911 call from Lorenzen Wright’s cell phone prior to his death and police in the Memphis suburb of Germantown are reviewing how the call was handled. Germantown deputy police chief Rodney Bright claimed that department officials did not know about the call until Tuesday, eight days after it was received by a dispatcher in the early morning hours of July 19. Details of the call have not been made public, but local media in Memphis have reported that a muffled male voice on the call can be heard using an expletive, and then as many as a dozen gunshots are heard in succession. The obvious theory is that Wright attempted to call 911 or somehow tried to use his phone to capture what was happening so his killers could be caught, but that’s all speculation at this point. The bottom line is that a guy who played 13 seasons in the NBA for the Los Angeles Clippers, Atlanta Hawks, Memphis Grizzlies, Sacramento Kings and Cleveland Cavaliers, a man who leaves behind six children and a grieving family, has apparently been murdered in very brutal and deliberate fashion. "He was a people person, he never met a stranger," his mother, Deborah Nelson, said. "It really hit us hard." The impact Wright had on those he met was evident in the fact that nearly 200 people had turned up Wednesday at the crime scene after hearing that police might have found Wright's body. One of those onlookers was former NBA star Anfernee “Penny” Hardaway, who played at Memphis two years before Wright. "I cried. The emotions hit me immediately. It's just sad because we lost a good person and a brother," Hardaway said. In cases like this, you always root for justice to be served and for those responsible to be caught and punished, but it would be understandable to root a bit harder in this case………

- Well lookee here, an airline admitting to conspiring to fix cargo rates. Who would ever have guessed that an airline would have anything to do with charging people exorbitant rates to carry things on their flights? The offender in this case is Northwest Airlines, which will plead guilty and pay a $38 million fine for its conspiring. The Justice Department announced the deal Friday after filing a felony charge claiming that Northwest Airlines Cargo earned more than $80 million from air cargo services between the United States and Japan after the company conspired to fix those rates in violation of federal antitrust laws. The alleged violations took place between July 2004 and February 2006. Of course, Northwest has since merged with Delta Air Lines. Nothing like conspiring to fix prices and then merging with another company and hoping that your misdeeds will be conveniently hidden in the process. Now that the truth has come out, Northwest has agreed to pay the fine and cooperate with an ongoing investigation into an industry-wide conspiracy to fix rates. What I love is that, in admitting to the wrongdoing but its subsidiary, Delta was quick to do what all guilty parties do when agreeing to a settlement or plea - deny that their admission or settlement means that anything wrong was done. "The agreement doesn’t assert any misconduct by any current or former officer or member" of the company's board of directors, Delta's statement said. The statement also said that the company has also fired the person "it believed had primary responsibility for the conduct in question." Northwest becomes the 16th carrier - joining a group that includes British Airways, Korean Air Lines, Qantas Airways and Cathay Pacific Airways -- to have either pleaded guilty or agreed to plead guilty in the Justice Department's investigation, paying out $1.6 billion in criminal fines. And lest you think this is just a white-collar financial crime with no jail time involved, know that four executives from Qantas, British Airways and SAS Cargo Group have also been sentenced to serve prison time, and charges are pending against a fifth executive. All I can say is that it’s about time someone involved with the ridiculous airline baggage and cargo fees ends up in jail…….

- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Someone please step in and stop Sylvester Stallone from making yet another horrific, Rambo­-related mistake. He’s already kept the franchise along for far too long and presided over the debacle that was 2008’s Rambo, the fourth installment of the action franchise in which John Rambo travels to Thailand, joins a group of mercenaries to venture into war-torn Burma, and rescues a group of Christian aid workers who were kidnapped by the ruthless local infantry unit. If that ridiculous plot with a way, way over-the-hill star wasn’t bad enough, now Stallone says that he might consider being part of a Rambo prequel. “I certainly think this is worth pondering because it’s intriguing to find the whys and wherefores of how people have come to become what they are,” he said while answering reader questions at Ain’t It Cool News to promote The Expendables, his latest project. “The traumas, the loss, and the tragedy of being in Vietnam would certainly be a great challenge for a young actor, and it would be ironic that Rambo directs younger Rambo after having played it for 20 plus years.” The only positive news, which you can probably guess from that quote, is Stallone wouldn’t be the one playing Rambo. Of course, hearing that a Rambo prequel might be made, that didn’t automatically assure me that the 64-year-old Stallone wouldn’t try to slam on loads of makeup, roid up at the gym and try to fill the role. However, he apparently would only be part of the project in a directorial or producing role, or perhaps in a small guest spot, but not in the lead role. However, the role Stallone might play in the project is irrelevant because it’s a movie franchise that needs to die a nice, quiet death and never be heard from again. The first two movies in the series were absolutely legendary in the action genre and the third one was decent, but the fourth incarnation was a train wreck and a fifth one, prequel or sequel, is something that should never, ever happen………

- There are places in the world where soccer (a.k.a. football) matters a little too much. Okay, that’s a lie. There are places where soccer matters far, far too much. These places tend to be countries in South America, Europe or Asia - pretty much anywhere other than the United States where the game is played. When teams from those nations fail miserably on the world’s grandest stage for the sport, needless to say it doesn’t play well back home. In some countries (England, France, Italy), that means inquiries by politicians into the team’s shortcomings, nonstop rip jobs by the media and cries for blood from fans. However, the players from those countries should really reconsider their words if they ever decide to complain about the supposedly harsh treatment they received for falling short in the 2010 World Cup because if nothing else, at least they don’t play for North Korea and dictator Kim Jong-Il. The fate of the North Korean team after failing to win a match, being outscored 12-1 in the so-called “Group of Death” and exiting South Korea in shame following a record-setting 7-0 drubbing at the hands of Portugal in their final game is far worse than any other team received upon returning home. Among other things, team members have been subjected to a six-hour excoriation for "betraying" the communist nation's ideological struggle and there are fears for the safety of coach Kim Jung-hun who was accused of betraying the son and heir of the regime's "dear leader," Kim Jong-il. In early July, the players were summoned to an auditorium at the working people's culture palace in Pyongyang, forced onstage and subjected to a six-hour onslaught of criticism for their poor performance in South Africa. The only players who escaped this fate were Jung Tae-se and An Yong-hak, both of whom flew directly to Japan, their country of birth and where they play club soccer. The scene at the palace was attended by by 400 athletes and sports students, and the country's sports minister. Ri Dong-kyu, a sports commentator for the North's state-run Korean Central TV, led the angry mob, singling out deficiencies of each and every player in a systematic attempt to tear them down. If that weren’t enough, in an eerie and disturbingly Stalinist style, the players were then "invited" to unleash verbal attacks on their coach, who was reportedly accused of betraying the leader's son, Kim Jong-un, who is expected to take over from his ailing father once K.J. Il mercifully kicks the bucket. Media outlets in the region cited a source who said that Kim Jung-hun had been sent to work on a building site and there were fears for his safety. All of this is every bit as disturbing as it sounds and ludicrous to the nth degree….until you realize who is presiding over it. Sure, accusing players and coaches of betraying the national ideology simply because they suck at soccer is absurd, as sheer want-to isn’t enough to overcome the fact that you are probably the 32nd best team in a 32-team tournament and are assigned to the event’s toughest group. This is why North Korea is one of the only countries in the world where kids shouldn’t grow up dreaming of playing for their national team because glory and greatness don’t await them if they achieve their goal; only pain, ridicule and possible execution in event of failure……..

- Are you ready for a tablet computer running the world’s worst operating system? Even if you’re not, no worries because Microsoft still doesn’t have its take on the tablet ready yet, even if Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer said Thursday that the tech titan is feverishly working with its partners to unveil a line of tablet computers running Windows 7 to compete with Apple's iPad. Ballmer first sat down with financial analysts on Thursday and then laid out the company's strategy to catch up to Apple and Google in the tablet market. He grudgingly acknowledged Apple’s success with the iPad, saying Steve Jobs and Co. are doing an "interesting" job with the iPad and have "sold certainly more than I'd like them to sell." That success is driving Microsoft’s own quest for tablets and has given the project "job one urgency" at the company. Never mind that there is no need for crap-tacular tablet PCs running the world’s most bug-ridden, ineffective and terrible operating system. Microsoft is giving you these tablets whether you want them or not, world. "No one is sleeping at the switch here," Ballmer said. "We have got to make things happen with Windows 7 on slates. We're in the process of doing that as we speak. As focused as we are on this, our partners are also focused on this to deliver systems and chips to make this happen." If only someone were asleep at the wheel, we might not be on the verge of having tablets whose OS regularly crashes and freezes, regularly contracts viruses and fails to offer the best in computing technology. In spite of his sense of urgency for the tablet project, Ballmer refused to give an exact timeline, saying only that the tablets will be ready "as soon as they're ready" and "it ain't a long time from now." He couched those comments by saying that Microsoft needs to take its time to get its products just right to compete in the über-competitive tablet market. Mmm hmm, so why didn’t you do that with every installment of Windows you’ve ever put out? All of them could have benefited from an extra year or five of development. Assisting Microsoft’s tablet offerings will be a tablet-specific processor called "Oak Trail" from chipmaker Intel, set for release next year, that will help manufacturers make better tablets that run Windows 7. Tech dorks also know the famous story of Ballmer pulling the plug on a problem-plagued Microsoft tablet project that had been in the works for almost a decade before the iPad existed. No surprise there, as Microsoft always manages of f*ck up any real chances for success or competence in some way. Ballmer closed his talk with a flourish, vowing that once Microsoft’s tablets hit the market, "We're gonna sell like crazy!" When a critic in the crowd chided him for not having a real strategy for the project (awkard!), Ballmer disagreed, saying Microsoft's tablets will run Windows 7, they'll run Intel processors, they'll be available in a wide array of shapes and sizes across many manufacturers, and they'll likely be cheaper than the iPad. His words don’t seem to have convinced many people, but at least Steve-O seems to have convinced himself……….

The Kindle is very popular right now, Congress forgets who it is and fighting for the right to clean water for all

- The electronic reader business is very good right now, even if three kooks in North Carolina are suing Apple because its tablet/electronic reader, the iPad, doesn’t function exactly like an actual book. In spite of that lawsuit, iPads are selling well and now Amazon has sold out of its least expensive Kindle, providing further evidence of the e-reader's popularity. Well, either that or Amazon is allowing supplies to run out because it is preparing to launch a new model and wants to get rid of the old one. The Kindle has been pushed relentlessly on anyone who has visited Amazon’s site over the past year, but the view on the site’s home page changed Tuesday, when the base $189 Kindle had been replaced on Amazon's home page by the $379 Kindle DX. Users who tried to visit the page for the base Kindle were greeted with a note saying the device was "temporarily out of stock. Order now and we'll deliver when available." This isn’t the first time any model of the Kindle has been listed as out of stock, but it is the first time since 2008. Who knows, maybe the lack of available units is linked to the fact that sales of the Kindle had reportedly tripled since Amazon lowered the price from $259 in June. Maybe Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos was telling the truth when he said earlier this month that the e-reader and bookstore have reached a "tipping point," with Kindle titles outselling hardcover books on the massive online marketplace for the first time. Market forecasters have also beep predicting the next generation of the e-reader in August, so Bezos could also be fudging the truth a bit. Either way, the reality is that iPads and Kindles are selling like hotcakes and when the next generation of e-readers (not iPads, but devices limited to e-reader functionality) - expected to be thinner and have a sharper picture but without a touch screen or color - come out, it would be foolish to expect them to be any less popular than their predecessors. Of course, Amazon doesn't release sales figures for the Kindle, so there’s no (legal) way of knowing for certain what the numbers really say………

- Congress, what has happened to you. Back in the day, you would have been proud of a man like veteran Rep. Charles Rangel instead of having the House ethics committee accuse him of 13 violations of House rules involving alleged financial wrongdoing and harming the credibility of Congress, as happened on Thursday. "Credibility is what's at stake here; the very credibility of the House itself before the American people," said Rep. Mike McCaul, the ranking Republican on a subcommittee. Wrong, Mike, just wrong. Congress has NEVER been about credibility, integrity, honesty or any other character trait falling into that general category. So before you and your fellow committee members hold a trial-like hearing on the charges against Rangel, I want you to stop and think about what it is you’re doing. You have a 20-term Democrat from New York running for re-election this year, a man who seems to espouse every value that Congress has stood for these many years, and you are about to ruin his career. No wonder Rangel decided not to show up for the hearing in which the charges were formally announced. For starters, he wasn’t required to attend, but mostly, I have to think his heart was broken by the knowledge that the Congress he once knew and loved has suddenly developed a conscience. He even attempted to provide his colleagues with a way out earlier this week when he filed a motion to dismiss the allegations against him that was denied. There was even hope right up until Thursday’s announcement that Rangel’s lawyers and committee lawyers would be able to agree on a possible deal to avoid the public hearing on his alleged violations. That hope was given a breath of life when Thursday's hearing was delayed for 55 minutes with no explanation. Rumors of an imminent agreement quickly spread and hope was alive, but it died when the panel gathered and held the hearing. Now, all we’re left with are ugly allegations that Rangel failed to report more than $600,000 on financial disclosure reports and improperly solicited funds for the construction of a center bearing his name at the City College of New York, improperly used a rent-subsidized apartment as a campaign office for over a decade and failed to pay taxes on a home in the Dominican Republic. Rangel "argues that errors on his personal taxes do not implicate discharge of his official responsibilities," according to committee investigators who handled Rangel's request to have the charges dismissed. He "appears to be operating under the erroneous belief that the only conduct subject to discipline is conduct directly related to the discharge of his official responsibilities." Well said, Rep. Rangel, well said. If you want to lie, cheat, steal and skirt the rules of this great nation and it doesn’t relate directly to what you do on the floor in the House, then it doesn’t count. So if you violated the House's solicitation and gift ban while repeatedly meeting with business leaders to raise funds for the Charles B. Rangel Center for Public Policy at the City College and attempting to woo potential donors, I say we just forget about it and move on. Never mind these ugly accusations that the "accumulation of (Rangel's) actions reflected poorly on the institution of the House and, thereby, brought discredit to the House." Taking illegal gifts from donors is your right as a member of Congress and those committee members who believe these actions would violate "the most fundamental code of conduct" for House members can suck it. Try to remember who you are and what has made your reputation what it is over the years, House of Representatives, and maybe you can stop being the scrawny, clumsy and nerdy brother of the Senate in this country………

- Try to shake the mental image of Louisville basketball coach Rick Pitino getting after it with some crazy cougar in a restaurant booth next time you see him on the sidelines, coaching the Cardinals in a key Big East game. Pitino spent much of the past two days on the stand testifying in the case of a woman who demanded millions from him after a sexual tryst, relating freaky and graphic details of his encounter with Karen Cunagin Sypher, who is charged with extortion for allegedly attempting to blackmail the coach for a house, millions of dollars and other benefits after their supposed restaurant love session. On the stand Wednesday, Pitino acknowledged the two had sex in a restaurant booth. Sypher claims that it was rape, but witnesses at the restaurant (who didn’t see the sex itself, but what led up to it) claim that Sypher was flirty and aggressive toward Pitino. The two hooked up after the establishment closed, something Pitino finally admitted to but attempted to push blame for onto Sypher as if he had no choice but to have sex with her after she allegedly whispered dirty things in his ear and unzipped his pants as he got up to leave the booth. During questioning about the rape allegation, Pitino interrupted defense lawyer James Earhart saying he's "here to give the truth." Earhart snidely replied, "I bet you are." As for the threatening phone calls he supposedly received from Sypher demanding the aforementioned cash and bennies, Pitino testified that he didn't immediately report threatening phone calls because he didn't want his family to find out. I bet you didn’t, Ricky. I wouldn’t want my wife and kids (if I had them) to find out that I hooked up with some crazy coug in a restaurant after hours. Pitino said Thursday that he kept quiet to "contain" potentially damaging information, which always works very well. Embarrassing, life-wrecking secrets about a person never, ever come out, right? This just might be one of those court cases in which, regardless of the verdict, no one wins………

- Add access to clean drinking water to the list right behind life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Well, those three rights of all men are part of the American Bill of Rights, but the United Nations has declared that the right to clean water is inherent in all people, regardless of their nationality. The organization announced earlier this week that access to clean water and sanitation is a fundamental human right, spurred on by the reality that approximately 1.5 million children under the age of five die each year from water and sanitation-related diseases. A unanimous vote (122 nations in favor, none against and 41 abstentions) passed the resolution, although the abstaining countries did voice concern that the resolution could undermine a process in the U.N.'s Human Rights Council in Geneva to build a consensus on water rights. The text of the resolution stated that some 884 million people have no access to safe drinking water and more than 2.6 billion (billion with a “B” lack access to basic sanitation. It goes on to declare “the right to safe and clean drinking water and sanitation as a human right that is essential for the full enjoyment of the right to life.” Furthermore, the resolution calls upon the international community to "scale up efforts to provide safe, clean, accessible and affordable water and sanitation for all.” You may ask yourself what right-thinking nation would abstain from voting for such a bill. Well, these backward-minded nations are…..umm, world powers like Canada, the United Kingdom and the United States. Well done, U.S. In addition to being waaaaay behind on our U.N. dues, this is going to make us extremely popular at the annual United Nations end-of-the-year picnic. American delegate John Sammis said the resolution "falls far short of enjoying the unanimous support of member states and may even undermine the work underway in Geneva,” as if that justifies not voting in support of it. Just vote yes and smile, Sammis, because we can easily replace you with someone who will………

- Don’t you just love scientific research that confirms that blatantly obvious truths of this world? I know that every time I read a study that affirms something I have known for a long time based on having a working brain and an IQ above 45, a smile comes to my face. So you can imagine how pumped up I was to learn that new research indicates that having satisfying social relationships may be about as important as not smoking when it comes to your lifespan. A new study unearthed that gem of medical wisdom, finding that people with adequate social relationships have a 50 percent greater likelihood of survival than people who have poor or insufficient relationships. Measured against the survival benefits of quitting smoking, the two are fairly equal. The Stormin’ Mormons at Brigham Young University teamed up with researchers from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill to review at 148 different studies that examined the connection between survival and relationships. They found that good social relationships is a stronger factor than obesity and physical activity in terms of lifespan. Furthermore, this reality holds true regardless of age, sex, initial health status and cause of death. Building upon the previous research, this dynamic team of scientific minds found that those with stronger relationships have an increased likelihood of survival. They found evidence for this theses even at the most basic level - in babies. Back in the mid-20th century, infants in orphanages were observed to have high mortality rates when they also had a lack of human contact. When these orphanages changed their operations to promote social interaction, the death rates decreased substantially. Why? One theory is that having close social relationships helps diffuse the negative effects of stressors on health, such as illness and transitions and changes in life. Or perhaps good relationships promote healthy behaviors, which was also postulated by the researchers. "In addition, being part of a social network gives individuals meaningful roles that provide esteem and purpose to life," the authors wrote. If you want to read more on this non-groundbreaking piece of research, the study appears in the journal PLoS Medicine, which I am certain you already subscribe to………

Tim Tebow's contract, bad news about "American Karaoke" and the first iPad lawsuits

- Tim Tebow has finally signed….with Jockey, well-known underwear manufacturer. The first-round draft pick of the Denver Broncos has yet to ink his NFL contract, but that didn’t preclude him from inking a deal to hock men’s underwear. He will follow in the footsteps of men like former Baltimore Orioles pitcher Jim Palmer as a spokesman for the "tighty-whitey" underwear company. "I'm excited to represent the Jockey brand," Tebow said in a statement posted on the Jockey website. "I've long been a fan and consumer of Jockey and I'm looking forward to a great relationship with such a respectable and innovative company." Well, of course he’s repping an underwear company. This is, after all, the man GQ described in a profile piece last year as having “inescapable corn-fed handsomeness” and accompanied that story with a picture of a ripped, shirtless Tebow dropping back to pass. What’s ironic is that Tebow is a devout Christian who is extremely conservative in his lifestyle, yet here he is, stripping down to his underwear for all to see. Oh, and don’t think his new teammates won't take notice of this deal. While the Broncos and representatives for Tebow are working "feverishly" to complete contract negotiations and he’s not in training camp yet, but when he does arrive, I’d expect some nice collages of underwear models with Tebow’s face taped onto them plastered all over his locker, a nonstop run of jokes about the endorsement deal and plenty of smack talking about being a pitchman for underwear. Best of all, sources close to Tebow’s negotiations with the Broncos say a deal should happen in the next 24 to 48 hours, so this hazing should get underway soon. Training camp began with a meeting Wednesday morning and head coach Josh McDaniels called Tebow when the quarterback failed to sign in time for the meeting. Whether Tebow can get into camp and beat out quarterbacks Kyle Orton and Brady Quinn for the starting job, I don’t know. What I do know is that the NFL’s hunkiest quarterback is going to have a whole lot of female fans and add plenty of new ones before he ever gets under center or steps into an NFL huddle………

- No, no, no! This is NOT what I want to hear about American Karaoke, the single worst thing ever to happen to both television and music. Not that I have any respect for the musical endeavors of any of the people I’m about to mention, but I do realize that they have a significant amount of star power and thus an association with the biggest abortion in the history of music will benefit the world’s largest karaoke contest’s fading ratings and possibly keep the show on the air even as pompous windbag and shameless self-promoted Simon Cowell leaves to tend to his other crappy reality singing shows. One name being linked to AK is reality TV staple, Tony Romo dumpee and singer Jessica Simpson. Reports indicated that Simpson met with show producers about joining the show’s judging panel. “I’m not sure whether her people approached them, or if it was the other way around,” said a source close to the situation. The source added that Simpson is one of “dozens” of candidates who’ve been considered for a judging position for all of the aspiring karaoke singers of the world when AK (unfortunately) returns to the air in January 2011. That’s right, my campaign to kill the show apparently isn’t working fast enough and so executive producer Nigel Lythgoe is all but certain to return to the show for its tenth season. In assessing the outlook for the show’s next year, Lythgoe is on the record as saying he favors an entirely new slate of judges. Really? Because I’d favor no judges….and no contestants….and no host….and no audience. Why not view the departure of Cowell, who jumped ship to launch a U.S.-based version of his crap-tacular British series The X Factor, as the perfect opportunity to kill off this disaster. Simpson isn’t the only big name meeting with Karaoke producers, as both Justin Timberlake and Elton John met with producers a couple months ago. Stop trying to save what we all know needs to die and please, please stop murdering music with your show, American Karaoke. In short, just go away………

- That didn’t take long. A few months on the market and Apple’s iPad finally has its first lawsuits from angry users. The suit comes from three outraged iPad users who claim that because the iPad will shut itself off after remaining in direct sunlight for long enough, it fails to meet the promises Apple made about using the device as an e-book reader. This trip of bottom feeders has filed a federal class-action lawsuit in the Northern California district to "redress and end this pattern of unlawful conduct." Now, I’m the first guy to say that the iPad is overrated, overpriced and that I would never buy one, but I also understand that every significant product out on the market for any length of time is going to wind up with at least a few disgruntled users who are looking to score some easy cash without actually earning it, thus they sue in the hopes that rather than take the case to court and potentially lose big, the corporation will settle out of court and they’ll get paid. It’s the plot of more than one John Grisham legal thriller and I’m skeptical of these claims right off the bat. The core of the alleged problem is that when the iPad's operating temperature reaches a critical level, it will force itself to shut down and display a message warning the user to let the device cool down before trying use it again. It’s no different than the warning that iPhones and iPod Touches give before shutting down when they overheat. Often, this happens after the devices are left in direct sunlight. Because of this aspect of the device’s operating system, the plaintiffs allege that the iPad "does not live up to reasonable consumer's expectations created by Apple insofar as the iPad overheats so quickly under common weather conditions." The company, while not commenting on the lawsuit, does state in product specifications that the iPad's operating temperature is 32° to 95° F (0° to 35° C). Using those guidelines, it would seem sensible that users could determine that leaving their iPad out in the hot sun would push its internal temperature over the maximum. Another point that seems to have the plaintiffs especially rankled is that Apple claims that "reading on the iPad is just like reading a book." Wrong, says the lawsuit. A real book can be used in "the sunlight or other normal environmental conditions" without shutting off, so the two are not the same. Well said, ass hats. The iPad is like many electronic devices in that it can become damaged and inoperable if left in direct sunlight for long periods of time. So what are the plaintiffs asking for? Well, they want class-action status and asking for an injunction against Apple's "false" promises as well as "real" and punitive damages. Something tells me they’re going to get none of the above…….

- Welcome back to the party, Japan. After a long hiatus from the world of executing condemned killers, the Far East power hanged two convicted killers on Wednesday -- the first executions in the country since the Democratic Party of Japan took power last September. The two men executed were Kazuo Shinozawa, was put to death for killing six female clerks at a jewelry store in 2000 and setting the store on fire, and Hidenori Ogata, who was convicted of killing two people in 2003, the justice ministry said. They were Japan’s first executions in a year. The lack of executions was due in no small part to the fact that Justice Minister Keiko Chiba is a former member of a group of lawmakers opposed to capital punishment -- the Japan Parliamentary League Against the Death Penalty. Chiba spoke to reporters after Wednesday's execution and said that Japan needs a public discussion on whether to continue the practice of capital punishment. To further her quest, she has also asked for a review at the justice ministry. "Witnessing the enforcement with my own eyes made me think about death punishment deeply again," she said, adding that she had attended the executions. "Also, I felt the need of a fundamental discussion to review about death penalty." It’s a fair point, all joking aside, and the issue of capital punishment is a heavy one with which every nation must wrestle. Whether the taking of one life justifies the state-sponsored taking of another is a very significant question and there is not a country in the world that is unified on the issue. Amnesty International Japan is also part of the debate and the group said in a prepared statement that a review is welcome but first, the executions must cease. "We feel strong anger and disappointment over the executions today," the group said. "We highly accept [the ministry's] stance [of] setting up a study session. ... First of all, they must stop the executions." I wouldn’t expect that to happen, but I’m hoping it will because the debate over the issue would undoubtedly be a fascinating one that could raise some very salient and thought-provoking points………

- Here we go, yet another example of why morons should not be allowed to participate in sports like kickboxing. An unidentified resident of Middletown, Ohio was practicing his kickboxing skills Tuesday night when he missed his punching bag, stumbled and sent the punching bag bouncing off the gas meter for his house. The gas line started to leak and the level of natural gas in his home rose so high that the Middletown Fire Department evacuated the neighbors for a block around his home. Duke Energy shut off the gas supply line at the request of firefighters before going back into the home to asses the problem. Once the gas was turned off, residents were allowed back into their homes. Duke Energy installed a new gas meter, and the ass hatted homeowner was able to sleep in his own bed the same night. Nothing like being roused from your sleep, evacuated and dragged out into a muggy summer evening because some moron decided to set up his kickboxing equipment right next to the gas meter. I don’t know why this fool’s identity hasn’t been released publicly, but I can guarantee you that the neighbors either know who it is or are working feverishly to find out so they can exact some revenge for this fool ruining their evening and forcing them out of their homes for a few hours. Might be time for this idiot to find a new place to live, preferably one that has enough room to put his punching bag in a completely different room than anything associated with the house’s natural gas supply………

NFLers going full monty online, challenging Hugo Chavez and Shetland ponies on the loose

- Well, at least people are talking about the Dallas Cowboys because of rookie Antonio Bryant refusing to carry veteran receiver Roy Williams’ pads after practice over the weekend. Now, they’re talking about the Cowboys because tight end Martellus Bennett has followed in the footsteps of NBAers

George Hill and Greg Oden, ending up with nude photos of him online and having to apologize for said photos. Bennett officially apologized Monday after the photos surfaced on the Internet at Mediatakeout.com, which reported that a former girlfriend of Bennett's submitted the photos Bennett, who was taking pictures of himself in a bathroom mirror. "These pictures were taken four years ago and placed on the Internet recently without my knowledge or consent," Bennett said in a statement. "I understand that they are totally inappropriate. And for that I am sorry. I regret the embarrassment that it has caused the organization." Look, I appreciate the effort to make a standard, boilerplate apology in a prepared statement that someone from the team released on your behalf, but if we’ve had this conversation once, we’ve had it a thousand times. If you don’t want nude photos of yourself online, then there is only one solution: don’t take them. If you take them, they are going to end up online somewhere, especially if you expedite the process by emailing them to a girl you are dating at the time but will almost assuredly break up with at some point. Then again, Bennett isn’t exactly angling for a Mensa membership here. He’s the same guy who once bragged about eating a dog at a restaurant in China, posted a YouTube video in which he and his brother talked about competing in the “Black Olympics” and then proceeded to see how much watermelon and fried chicken they could eat. The team was understandably perturbed with Bennett and team vice president of communications Rich Dalrymple spoke about the incident. “We discussed this matter today with Martellus and will address it further on an internal basis," Dalrymple said. Oh, and I should also mention that Bennett was fined last year by the Cowboys for making a racially insensitive remark and for using a slur offending gays on a rap video posted on YouTube video and made a Osama bin Laden video this summer. For a guy with immense talent on the field but a relative lack of production thus far in his career, Bennett might want to consider tightening up his act and focusing on his game from here on out, lest he stupid himself right out of the NFL………

- Bring it, b’otch. Those are my words to Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez, who Sunday said his country will stop exporting oil to the United States if there is a military attack stemming from escalating tensions between Venezuela and Colombia. Why we’re getting dragged into this, I don’t know. Chavez has an insane preoccupation with the U.S. "The Yankee empire has no limit to its manipulation," Chavez said. Nice “Yankee empire” reference, H. Nothing makes you sound more imposing and informed than a blatant anachronism like that. Yankee empire? Dude, this isn’t 1776. No one calls us the Yanks anymore, at least no one other than the British. But perhaps my main man Hugo is just feeling the pressure from accusations that Colombian rebels have found refuge in Venezuela. When Colombia called an emergency meeting of the Organization of American States last week and showed off photos that it said were evidence of camps belonging to the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia in Venezuela, the situation took a turn for the ugly. Venezuela continues to deny the allegations and the two nations have broken off diplomatic ties with one another. For all the rhetoric, there has been no physical evidence that a Colombian attack is forthcoming. Chavez, who has a problem with anyone who dares exercise free will and disagrees with him, seems resigned to the worst possible outcome. If an attack happens, Chavez said Sunday, Venezuela would stop supplying oil to the United States, "even if we have to eat rocks" because of the ramipercussions. "That would be a response of dignity and high caliber," Chavez said. So what sort of impact would that have on the U.S.? Well, according to the U.S. Energy Information Administration, Venezuela is the fifth-largest supplier of crude oil to the United States, delivering an average of 894,000 barrels of oil per day. But those threats are just part of Chavez’s planned campaign of terror in the event of a Colombian attack, as he also hinted at "internal measures" in Venezuela against the opposition and media in case of a war. How this man can oppress the media and opposition groups any more than he already does, I don’t know. Also, the fact that he very well could be supporting guerrilla groups like FARC only adds to the absurdity of the situation. The group operates mostly in Colombia but have carried out extortion, kidnappings and other activities in Venezuela, Panama and Ecuador. They seem like men after Chavez’s own heart, which could be why he is going to such great lengths to defend them………

- Be aware that this next story may conjure up old wounds and scars for you just like it did for me. Any kid who ever wanted a pony and never got one never forgets that trauma and the sight of three Shetland ponies taking a stroll along Interstate 495 south in Middleborough, Mass. on Sunday evening was just one big tease for those who never got the pony they so badly wanted. State police were called to the scene and determined that the animals escaped from a nearby farm and somehow made their way over to the highway, near exit 3. "They're a bunch of hellions," said Bill Morgan, the owner of Lady, Fancy and Shadow. “They're mischievous. There's always one in the pack that's a ring leader and they seem to follow this black and white one here, Shadow ... the trouble maker." Well, you name a pony Shadow and what do you expect? It’s like naming your kid Killer; what do you expect? Traffic came to a virtual halt once the ponies got loose after they somehow managed to open a back gate and head straight for the highway. "I was down in Mattapoisset and got a call from the Middleborough police department that they were on 495 and of course, my heart was going boomp, boomp, boomp, but it turned out all right," Morgan said. Mustering all of their horse-wrangling skills learn in trooper boot camp, the deputies who responded to the scene staged an old-fashioned roundup to get the ponies loaded into a van and back to their corral. Morgan turns out to be a guy you have to love even if he can’t keep his horses on the farm, as he has four miniature horses total and says all had been mistreated and malnourished when he rescued them. "You can tell the story ends well, but it could have been disastrous. We're very thankful to the state police and to the dog officer in Middleborough," Morgan said. To resolve his problem, the farmer purchased a new padlock for the corral gate. Here’s hoping that keeps you one step ahead of your mischievous horses, Bill……..

- After naming your kid Apple, it’s hard to hit a new low in life. It pains me to say this about Gwyneth Paltrow because she’s married to the lead singer of a really good rock band, Chris Martin of Coldplay, but Paltrow may have found the only possible way to eclipse the horror of naming her child after a fruit by deciding to add "country music singer" to her resume. She has recorded "Country Strong," a new single released Monday to country music radio stations nationwide. Never is their a defense for anyone recording and releasing a country music song, so I have nothing kind to say about Paltrow here. She recorded the song as the title track to the upcoming film of the same name, which stars her as a fallen country singer looking to make a comeback with the help of a young songwriter. Sounds…..umm, bad. Not just because of the country music angle, either. The plot sounds predictable, contrived and forgettable and I haven’t even seen one frame of the movie yet. But hey, it should be a great holiday film to torture the family with, as it opens Dec. 22. Never has staying in house crowded with annoying relatives in town for Christmas seemed so much more appealing than seeing a movie. The soundtrack will precede the film and it will be released Oct. 26. Paltrow has tried her hand at music before, teaming with Huey Lewis to perform a cover of the Smokey Robinson song "Cruisin'" for the 2000 film "Duets.” Other actresses, most notably the über-hot Scarlett Johansson and Zoey Deschanel, have had very positive results in releasing albums with established recording artists as their guides (Pete Yorn and M. Ward, respectively), but the salient point to remember with both of these examples is that THEY WEREN’T RELEASING COUNTRY MUSIC. No one sounds good singing country music and Gwyneth Paltrow isn’t any exception to that rule………

- 3-D movies haven’t caught on quite like Hollywood expected them to and now the industry is left to figure out why. Sure, the increased ticket price for 3-D ducats has led to more income for studios, but 3-D films aren’t drawing the huge numbers that many experts expected just a few years ago. Overall movie attendance has steadily declined over the past decade and recent research revealed that attendance thus far in 2010 is down 2.2 percent from where it was at this time last year. Memorial Day weekend is typically a huge draw at the local multiplex, but this year it drew the smallest audience in 17 years. Ironically, the force-feeding of subpar movies into 3-D format may be contributing heavily to the attendance decline. A recent survey of moviegoers found increasing discontent with 3-D films, which typically cost $4 more than non 3-D fare. When you couple movie-on-demand services and the faltering economy, paying extra for a movie - especially with a date or multiple family members in tow - becomes a non-starter for patrons. A prime example of 3-D’s failure to capture the imagination of moviegoers is The Last Airbender, M. Night Shyamalan's massive flop at the box office. Legendary film critic Roger Ebert recently called Hollywood's rush to 3-D every film "suicidal" and described 3-D pricing as "a form of extortion for parents." He lit up Airbender, calling it an "agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented." But it’s not just the higher cost of 3-D films that is upsetting fans. The process to create the 3-D effect can leave films noticeably darker and washed out, making for a less appealing product. Because the 3-D process requires a scene to be separated into an image for each eye, light levels are about half that of 2-D films. As a non-fan of the 3-D format, I can’t say any of this comes as a huge surprise to me and I wouldn’t expect it to change any time soon………

Weekend movie news, returning Howard Dean to relevance and brawls spicing up international political events

- Angelina Jolie lost out to Leo DiCaprio at the box office this weekend, as returnee Inception was the top film thanks to a $43.5 million take to push its overall tally to $143.6 million for its first ten days in theaters, thanks in large part to a strong base of IMAX income. Jolie’s spy thriller Salt was solid in its opening weekend, making $36.5 million to take second place. Following those two films was the animated romp Despicable Me, which made $24.1 million and fell only 26 percent its third weekend in theaters for a total box office take of $161 million. In fourth place for the weekend was The Sorcerer’s Apprentice, with Nicolas Cage and friends holding steady in their second week of release to earn $9.7 million and narrowly edge out another Disney film, Toy Story 3, which made $9 million its sixth weekend in theaters and has tallied an impressive $379 million thus far. Following those two Disney flicks was another family-oriented film that flopped royally in its opening weekend. Ramona and Beezus, which failed to connect with audiences and conjured up just $8 million for fourth place, floundered despite mostly positive reviews from those who did see it. That was a disappointing result but still good enough to beat out Adam Sandler’s Grown Ups, which took the seventh slot thanks to a scant 23 percent drop in its fifth weekend in theaters. By adding $7.6 million to its coffers, the film’s total stands at $142 million. Hunky teen vampires was enough to secure eighth place for The Twilight Saga: Eclips, which lost 48 percent of its value its fourth weekend in release, for an additional $7 million and a cumulative total of $280 million. Ninth place went to M. Night Shyamalan’s The Last Airbender, which earned an additional $4 million to push its tally to $123 million, slightly above expectations (at least mine). Rounding out the top 10 was Predators, which plummeted 59 percent for a $2.8 million take and has only grossed $46.5 million after three weekends in release. Calling it one of the most disappointing films of the year would be fair at this point, even if it made the top 10 and helped propel he box office to 8 percent above last year at this time. One film that continues to do well in limited release is The Kids Are All Right, which grossed $2.6 million in only 201 theaters for a per theater average of $13,000 to raise its two-week limited gross to close to $5 million…………

- Wise move, St. Louis Rams. The Rams, the worst team in the NFL last season, were one of two team reportedly close to signing temperamental wide receiver Terrell Owens to a contract. Along with the Cincinnati Bengals, the Rams were the only team actively pursuing Owens (despite what self-centered agent Drew Rosenhaus claims) as training camps begin opening up and no one could figure out how an Owens-Rams marriage was a good fit for either side. The Rams are a crappy team poised to start a rookie quarterback (assuming Sam Bradford signs the bloated contract he doesn’t actually deserve) and will be terrible again this season and Owens is…..well, T.O. He’s the guy who calls All-Pro quarterbacks gay, alleges secret locker room meetings by the offensive coordinator, Pro Bowl quarterback and Pro Bowl tight end to scheme up ways to squeeze him out of the offenses. In short, he could ruin Bradford before the poor guy’s career even gets going and do it for a team that won't win more than four games this season. Neither side gets much out of that deal and while the Bengals are stacked at receiver and have plenty of young players at the position who need playing time, Owens could easily slide into their lineup as a third receiver and be a part of a contender with legitimate postseason aspirations. Sure, being the third or fourth option for an offense would be tough to swallow, but if Owens really is the changed man he professes himself to be, he’ll swallow his pride and accept the one and only offer currently on the table. The Rams have elected to pass on signing Owens and affirmed as much today, leaving Cincinnati as the only team in this race. It’s the right choice for the Rams and they’ll be better for it in the long run, while the Bengals…..if they’re fortunate, signing Owens won't blow up in their faces and he won't derail what could otherwise be a very successful season with a strong, balanced offense……….

- Do it, Newt Gingrich. I may think you’re an ignorant toad who was a ridiculous failure as House Speaker, but I now want you to run for president in 2012 for one simple reason: Howard Freaking Dean. That’s right, the man who gave us the most memorable rant in the history of American politics (WE’RE GOING TO NORTH DAKTOKA…..AND OREGON……THEN WE’RE GOING TO MICHIGAN……AND THEN WE’RE GOING TO WASHINGTON AND WE’RE GONNA TAKE BACK THE WHITE HOUSE….YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!) is an active participant on the American political scene and as such, he has endorsed a possible White House bid in 2012 by Gingrich. The former speaker won't yet say if he's running for president in 2012, but he picked up Dean’s endorsement as a man with "a ton of ideas to move the country forward." Dean, a past chairman of the Democratic National Committee and the former governor of Vermont, spoke about Gingrich and surprisingly threw his weight behind a man with whom he would seem to share little or no political ideologies. "There are no ideas in the Republican Party right now in the Congress," Dean said. "They're the party of 'no.' They desperately need some intellectual leadership. And whatever you think of Newt Gingrich, he can supply intellectual leadership. So I hope he does run." Now if that’s me and Dean is getting behind my candidacy, I’m announcing my plans to run yesterday. But for some reason, Gingrich isn’t jumping into action and actually joked that Dean's backing could doom his candidacy if he runs. "Here's my opponent's clip in the primaries," Gingrich said of Dean’s kind words while appearing on "Fox News Sunday." Stop the joking, accept the endorsement and make a way for my main man H. Dean to once again be a voice in this nation’s political system, Newt…………

- Too few international political gatherings have outright brawls nowadays. Political figures are too concerned with being politically correct, representing their country well and not throwing down with the delegations from other countries. Thankfully, there are still groups and leaders out there like Libyan President Moammar Gadhafi and his presidential guard. Gadhafi’s security forces and Ugandan security personnel have twice thrown hands at the African Union summit on the shores of Lake Victoria, officials confirmed. "Fights are always a result of the lack of respect by the Libyans to their hosts," said Ejison Kwesiga, spokesman for Uganda's presidential brigade. "Host authorities are responsible for any dangers that could arise. It is the host country's authorities who must take care of all visiting heads of state, but the Libyans never want them to do their job." Wrong and wrong, Ejison Fights are not a lack of respect, they are sign of intensity, passion and a willingness to step to when someone pulls your punk card. No one is going to mess with a delegation that they know will cave their face in at today’s luncheon in between the salad and the poached salmon. In a scene I desperately wish I had been on hand to witness, Libyan guards exchanged kicks and blows with Ugandan security on Sunday, the first day of the summit, as they approached the entrance marquee for the opening ceremony. Again, this took place before the opening ceremony. The Libyans came looking for a fight and that’s exactly the attitude I want my international political contingents to show up with. Too much demure, deferential bullsh*t goes on at these events and if the Libyans are ready to go the instant they arrive, so much the better. Now, only heads of state were allowed inside the ceremony and an argument erupted when Ugandan authorities attempted to escort Gadhafi through the entrance, so the Libyans obviously had plenty of reasons to be pissed. The Ugandans clearly didn’t learn anything from Round 1 because the same freaking thing happened Monday when Gadhafi and his security team were walking to the main conference hall. Security was in the process of moving heads of state to another room and a second fight broke out when Ugandan authorities attempted to escort Gadhafi there. The situation became to heated that Gadhafi reportedly slapped three of his own personnel. If only all international political gatherings were this interesting……….

- Tech-savvy iPhone users, you can now legally hack your phones to download applications that aren't in Apple's App Store. Thanks to a decision by the U.S. Copyright Office, a division of the Library of Congress, users have access to several new authorized exemptions to the Digital Millennium Copyright Act (DMCA), one of which will allow mobile phone users to "jailbreak" -- or hack into -- their devices to use apps not authorized by the phone's manufacturer. All of the rules and details will be published on Tuesday in the Federal Register, clarifying what had been a legal gray area. Apple technically had the right to request a $2,500 government fine for damages every time a user violated the law that bans "circumvention of technological measures" controlling access to copyrighted works, although Apple never actually requested that a fine be levied on an iPhone customer for circumventing its iPhone's iOS software. Ironically, the company fought hard to keep a right it never used, filing an objection last year to the rule the Copyright Office has now adopted. Because of the Copyright Office's decision, jailbreakers will not face legal sanctions, but phone makers are still free enact technological blocks against the process. Apple’s general practice is to void the warranty on iPhones that owners have hacked, claiming that tampering with the iPhone can introduce bugs and glitches. "Apple's goal has always been to insure that our customers have a great experience with their iPhone, and we know that jailbreaking can severely degrade the experience," a company spokeswoman said in response to the ruling. "The vast majority of customers do not jailbreak their iPhones." That last statement is true, as jailbreaking a phone isn’t something your average smartphone user is capable of. In announcing its decision, the Copyright Office also renewed and expanded its 2006 decision allowing mobile phone users to jailbreak their phones in order to switch carriers. What this means for iPhone users is that they can now legally download software that will enable their phones to join a non-AT&T network. Apple’s failure to offer a second carrier for the iPhone has been a frequent lament of even its most devoted followers, so this decision opens some significant doors. The decision comes as the Copyright Office conducts its tri-annual review of its own rulemaking process to determine what exemptions should be granted to the DMCA's anti-circumvention provisions. This particular decision has certainly garnered more attention that the average verdict handed down from the office, so where we go from here is up to you, iPhone users………

"Rock Band" now hablas espanol, a bum rush to sign T.O. and persecuting smokers is still fun

- Even though you love “Rock Band” and it’s one of your favorite video games, has the lack of Spanish-language tracks been bumming you out, hombre? If so and if you’ve always felt that the world’s best music-themed video game would be mas caliente with a few tracks by those speaking the native tongue of Mexico, Spain and much of South America, then I have great news for you. Colombian crooner Juanes will become the first artist with Spanish-language tracks available for play in "Rock Band," with his hits "A Dios le Pido," "Fíjate Bien," "Gotas de Agua Dulce," "La Camisa Negra," "Mala Gente" and "Yerbatero" soon to become available for purchase as extra downloadable content for the Microsoft Xbox 360, Nintendo Wii and Sony PlayStation 3 from the Rock Band music store July 27. For Juanes’ European fans, the wait will extend to July 28, when those songs will be available for download on the PlayStation 3 in Europe. Better still, another of Juanes’ hits, "Me Enamora," will come included with "Rock Band 3" in October. Now, I have never played rock band, nor have I ever heard one of Juanes’ songs in its entirety, but I feel confident in saying that the addition of his music to a game that is already extremely popular can only impact the game’s success….in some way, probably either positive or negative and definitely causing sales to go up, go down or maybe stay the same……….

- Suddenly there is a bum rush to sign aging, temperamental wide receiver Terrell Owens, but it isn’t exactly the NFL’s elite looking to ink one of the league’s biggest malcontents. Nope, the basement-dwelling St. Louis Rams and the up-and-down Cincinnati Bengals are the two teams vying for Owens’ services, with sources close to the situation suggesting that Owens could sign with the Rams as soon as Monday. That can’t be encouraging news for Bengals quarterback Carson Palmer, who has been working out regularly with Owens in California and has been highly impressed, according to a team source. In fact, Palmer has been so wowed by Owens’ game that he has spoken to team officials about signing the loud-mouthed pass catcher even though the Bengals already have one big ego-sporting, reality TV-starring wide receiver in Chad Ochocinco and also signed free agent receiver Antonio Bryant earlier this offseason to bolster their receiving corps. The Rams appear much more interested in signing Owens and faced with the prospect of going to a last-place team that may have been the NFL’s worst last season or sitting out the start of the year while waiting for a better offer, Owens appears ready to accept the offer. Arrogant agent Drew Rosenhaus may not earn a ginormous commission on Owens’ salary this time around, but he did say early last wee that he was "very confident" that Owens would have a new team "within the next few weeks." For the Bengals, the lack of action on Palmer’s pleas appears to come in light of hesitance on the part of the front office to bring in another high-maintenance, temperamental player who could alter the team’s locker room chemistry and derail a team that won the AFC North last season before flaming out in spectacular fashion at home against the New York Jets in the first round of last season’s playoffs. Hope you’re ready to be the No. 2 receiver on a 3-13 team and have a rookie quarterback sailing passes 10 yards over your head this season, T.O., because I know I’m going to have fun watching it……….

- Rock on, Northampton (Mass.) Board of Health, rock on. No one hates smoking and by association, smokers, as much as I do. These menaces willingly foist toxic secondhand smoke on the rest of us while also drastically upping their own chances for lung cancer and emphysema, reducing their lung capacity, turning their faces into greenish, leathery catcher’s masks and their voices into raspy, breathy sounds of horror. Banning smoking in any and all public places is a given at this point (you should give it a try, Europe) and to their credit, most states, cities and towns have taken that step. Smokers have been relegated to second-class citizens (a few classes above where they actually belong, by the way) and that’s great. However, don’t think I’m cool with those horrific "e-cigarettes" that smokers are turning to as a way around bans on actual cigars and cigarettes. No, those things need to be banned as well and that’s why I’m applauding the Northampton Board of Health, which held a hearing on a proposal to add electronic smoking devices to their “No Smoking in Public Places” regulations. Hopefully the board didn’t give too much weight to the words of nincompoops who showed up at the meeting to fight for the rights of those who use these detestable devices and argued that electronic cigarettes help people quit smoking. These yahoos contended that there are no health issues or second-hand smoke impact from the e-cigs. "It makes a visible vapor that you can see, but it disappears," explains Spike Babaian, the President of the National Vapers Club. "It doesn't linger like smoke. It doesn't float like smoke. It doesn't make smoke when you're not using it. It doesn't make smoke ever. It makes vapor. It makes steam." Sorry, Spike, if that’s even your real name (and God help you if it is). No matter what your argument is, these devices represent smoking and keep it as a part of our culture and for that, they need to go. No traces, imitations or knock-offs of actual smoking should be allowed anywhere in this country and I defy you to provide evidence that anyone is healthier as a result of cigarettes, cigars or electronic smoking devices as opposed to using none of these things. So while the board did not make any decisions about adding e-cigarettes to their tobacco regulations at this meeting, I hold out hope that they will add e-cigarettes to the ban and continue the oh, so justified persecution of smokers (and faux smokers) in their town………

- Is it bad if authorities at a Mexican prison released and armed several inmates to attack a group of people during a birthday celebration last week, resulting in a killing spree that left 17 dead? Part of me thinks it probably is, but part of me thinks that surely these officials had a good reason for unleashing such horrible human beings on the world……right? Not if you believe top officials in the Mexican government, they didn’t. Ricardo Najera, a spokesman for Mexico's Interior Ministry, said authorities allowed a group of inmates to leave the Cereso prison in Gomez Palacio, in Mexico's Durango state, and to drive police vehicles on their killing spree as they launched a violent attack on innocent civilians at a farm in Torreon, in the neighboring state of Coahuila. "The delinquents were committing their executions as part of a debt-settling scheme against members of rivaling groups from organized crime," Najera said. "Unfortunately, in these executions, these delinquents also cowardly murdered innocent civilians." Following the attack, the inmates allegedly returned to the prison as if nothing had happened. Right, because no one is going to notice a bunch of dudes in prison uniforms barreling down the road in police vehicles, slaughtering 17 people and then taking off. Implicated in the scheme were four top Cereso Gomez Palacio prison workers -- including the prison's director. Right now, the Mexican interior ministry will only say that the four suspects had been "detained," but not whether charges had been filed. However, police have already managed to trace the weapons used in the attack and link them to other violent attacks, Najera said. In discussing the attack itself, Mexico's interior minister, Francisco Blake, argued that Gomez Palacio prison incident illustrates the "deteriorating state" of Mexico's local law enforcement. "Today, it is evident that the Mexican state is facing an enormous challenge in security," Blake stated. Good to know you have such immense confidence in your own personnel, amigos to the south…………

- It’s been quite a trip for the crew of "Plastiki" -- a ship made out of thousands of plastic bottles -- and now that the unusual watercraft is nearing the end of its journey of 8,000 nautical miles and nearly four months at sea, we should probably give some respect to the team responsible for piloting the plastic boat along its route. Expedition leader David de Rothschild and his team overcame brutal southern storms and numerous technical challenges on their eco-adventure and succeeded where others had fallen short."It feels amazing," de Rothschild said. "I think what's happened with the Plastiki has really captured the world's imagination... the impact has really surpassed my expectations." The journey will officially end Monday morning when Plastiki pulls into Sydney, ending a 125-day journey. But really, the story goes back longer than that, back to several years of planning and preparation. De Rothschild cited the 2006 United Nations report on plastic littering the world's oceans as his inspiration for the trip, leading him to assemble a vessel made of 12,500 reclaimed plastic bottles and engineered using the most sustainable methods possible. He and his team hope their vessel and trip will serve as an inspiration for others to build upon and tackle other, non-nautical problems posed by plastic bottles and other debris littering the planet and its oceans. "I was inspired to go out and really build Plastiki to showcase waste as a resource," said de Rothschild. "And here we are nearly four years to the day just pulling in to a little harbor just north of Sydney, ready to sail in tomorrow [Monday]." The end result was a 60-foot catamaran, one that has survived massive storms, gale-force winds and adversities that have driven the crew off course and ashore for safety several times during the trip, including a stop in Mooloolaba, Queensland, on July 19. After docking in Sydney, the Plastiki will remain on display for a month as crew members hold special events aimed at raising awareness of plastic waste in the ocean. After that, de Rothschild hopes to take the boat on tour around the world, displaying it to inspire other dreamers and big thinkers like he and his team………

Dissent in Seattle, bears in cars and a nuclear ménage-a-trois

- Turn the anger outward, not inward, Seattle Mariners. A last-place team needs to use all the rage and fight it can muster against its opponents, not internally. Someone should probably explain that to second baseman Chone Figgins and manager Don Wakamatsu, who engaged in a very public screaming match in the dugout after Wakamatsu pulled Figgins from the game in the fifth inning. The benching came after a throw from the outfield bounced past Figgins, who was standing on the second base bag. He made no discernable effort to get the throw, which bounced to first baseman Justin Smoak as baserunners reached first and third. Wakamatsu felt the lack of effort was enough to merit removal from the game, Figgins disagreed and the two yelled it out in the dugout. "I didn't think there was much effort in that backup, and I made the decision to take him out of the ballgame," Wakamatsu said. Players and coaches attempted to intervene and inadvertently expanded the argument into a mass of pushing, screaming and attempted peacemaking. Figgins eventually left the dugout and spent the rest of the game fuming in the clubhouse. Veteran infielder Russell Branyan went back to talk to Figgins, who will not be suspended for the altercation. He did leave the stadium before reporters were allowed into the clubhouse, but at least remained through the end of the game. In a game where they dropped a 2-1 decision to Boston and plummeted to a season-low 23 games under .500 with their 16th loss in 20 games, this is probably the last thing the Mariners needed. "With the way we've been playing, it'd be hard to convince any fan to come out and watch us play. Because it hasn't been pretty," Branyan said. "But on the other hand, we're working hard. Guys are trying too hard." Well, maybe not every guy, but point taken. Figgins likely blew up, at least in part, because he’s been having an incredibly disappointing season after inking a $36 million, free-agent contract prior to the year. Hitting .229 when you come to a new team with a reputation for being a guy who gets on base consistently and sets the table for the middle of the lineup has to weigh on a player. Having said that, both Wakamatsu and Figgins would probably like their little dugout dustup back. Next time, take the fight to the guys in the other jerseys and not your own, fellas……….

- Of late, bears have had a tough time getting licensed to drive cars. States have been tightening restrictions about members of the animal kingdom getting behind the wheel and as such, I can’t be too angry with the black bear who briefly borrowed a car in Douglas County, Colorado. Sheriff's deputies received a call early Friday morning about a honking car and a commotion inside. Not knowing what to expect, they responded to the call and were anticipating a bunch of stupid teenagers pulling a prank or perhaps a thief. Instead, they approached Ralph Story's 2008 Toyota Corolla and found a massive black bear inside. The car was 125 feet below its normal parking spot in the driveway of the Storys' Larkspur home, which sits on five rolling acres of Colorado real estate. It was still dark outside when deputies shone their flashlights inside the vehicle, where they spotted a full-grown black bear, also known as ursus americanus. “Our Toyota was making a heck of a racket and was rocking back and forth," Story said. The neighbor who called the police did so shortly after 3 a.m., according to spokeswoman Michelle Rademacher of the sheriff's department. So aside from a failed attempt at a joy ride, why did the bear decide to raid the car? Does he simply have an affinity for affordably priced compact cars that get excellent gas mileage? Probably not. No, the bear was likely drawn in by a peanut butter sandwich left inside the vehicle by Ralph Story’s 17-year-old son Ben. Spurred on by the prospect of a free meal, the bear managed to either open the unlocked back door or push a window down to get inside. Once inside, the creature was not happy about his new surroundings and moved around enough to knock the car's gearshift into neutral. The Corolla rolled down the hill and along the way, the door slammed shut, trapping the bear inside. Once a sergeant and two deputies arrived on the scene, they "were stymied on how to proceed," Story said. After debating the possibility of tranquilizing the bear, the decided the best move was to tie a long rope to a door handle and pull it open. Not one to take a hint, the bear simply sat there for a few minutes before finally exiting the car around 5 a.m., at least two hours after it had gotten inside. Before leaving, the bear dropped a deuce on the front seat and left behind destroyed air bags, torn-up seats and a ruined stereo. Ralph Story managed to find humor in the incident in spite of his family’s loss. "There's a bear in the car. Who are you gonna get mad at?" Well said, Ralph, well said………

- And the major nuclear ménage-a-trois that is the quest to deal with Iran’s burgeoning nuclear aspirations continues. After Iran, Brazil and Turkey agreed on a nuclear fuel swap deal proposal in May, the three nations have done precious little to advance the process. That will change when the foreign ministers of all three countries meet in Istanbul on Sunday. It will be the first meeting among the three countries since the may agreement, a deal under which Turkey would act as an intermediary for Iran to get highly enriched uranium from abroad. The meeting comes nearly two months after the U.N. Security Council imposed additional sanctions on Iran, expanding an arms embargo and tightening restrictions on financial and shipping enterprises related to "proliferation-sensitive activities." It was a decisive 12-2 vote that came after vehement speeches by the United States and other Security Council members about their concern over Iran's lack of compliance with previous U.N. resolutions on validating the peaceful nature of the its nuclear program. President/dictator Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has insisted over and over again that Iran has no aspirations whatsoever to develop nuclear weapons and bomb Israel right off the map. In response to repeated actions in direct contradiction to Ahmadinejad’s words, France, Germany, the United Kingdom and the United States introduced the resolution to the council and it was subsequently passed. The two dissenting votes came from Brazil and Turkey voted and Lebanon abstained. At the time of the vote, Akbar Javanfekr, spokesman for Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, claimed that the passage of the resolution "automatically wiped out" the proposed deal with Brazil and Turkey. However, an unidentified Turkish government official, speaking on the condition of anonymity, said the three ministers will meet Sunday "to establish the next steps to be taken in order to further the diplomatic track regarding Iran's nuclear issue." If the U.S. and its allies have their way, those steps will lead to Iran stopping the enrichment of uranium on its own. Color me cynical, but I just don’t see this situation coming to a positive conclusion now or ever………

- Everyone is reacting to the reception issues and other assorted troubles for the iPhone for a bit differently. For example, Apple CEO Steve Jobs is getting indignant, snapping at critics and insisting that the issues are minor and will be resolved soon. Angry iPhone users are demanding answers and some are on the verge of revolt. As for Apple’s competitors…..let’s just say they aren’t too broken up about all of this. I say this on account of Samsung seizing on the opportunity by handing out free Galaxy S smartphones to iPhone 4 owners frustrated by reception issues. Using a Twitter account called @samsungukmobile, the company is contacting people who've tweeted about their difficulties with the iPhone 4, asking them to submit their contact details to receive a free handset. As with anything in life that seems too good to be true, this one appeared to be some sort of hoax as well, but it turns out that there is no hoax and that Samsung really is undercutting Apple/AT&T by distributing free phones. Samsung is confident that the Galaxy S is a superior product and feels that iPhone users who have the chance to compare the two products side by side will agree. It’s an unusual marketing strategy for sure and definitely involves a bit of financial risk, but it could also pay off big for Samsung. The Galaxy S is powered by Android 2.1 and features a 4.0-inch AMOLED display. Getting the phone in the hands of disgruntled iPhone users who may be open to a change is smart, as the “If it’s free, it’s for me” motto applies in virtually every sector, region and corner of American society. Not that Steve Jobs and Co. need me to remind them of this, but now would be a great time for them to do something more than simply offering new cases for iPhones and promising that the reception problems are not that big of a deal…………

- Are you angry that Lupe Fiasco’s next album, the oft-delayed "Lasers," hasn’t been released yet? Me neither, but some people are upset about the album’s perpetual postponement and dammit, they aren’t going to take it any longer. While Guns ‘N’ Roses fans waited more than decade for “Chinese Democracy,” Lupe Fiasco fans don’t seem to be quite as patient and some of them have started an online petition addressed to Atlantic Records demanding the release of "Lasers." The petition sprung up after the rapper tweeted on July 13, "Lasers is out of my hands guys and gals…it's done and that's all I can tell you…when they drop it…they drop it…so drop it." That tweet has inspired a whopping…..um, well, 9,000 fans to sign the petition. Not exactly a groundswell of support, is it? But once word of the petition got back to Lupe Fiasco, he began urging more of his followers to rise up and speak out: "I wake up to mass protest!!!...Tdsahank Ya'll…By Any Means Necessary! Keep It Going #WeWantLasers." Here is the text of the petition:

To: Atlantic Records

Dear Atlantic Records, 

The fans have been below have been waiting for the release for Lupe Fiasco's album "Lasers" for over a good year now. Since when it was originally announced finished last summer, there has still yet to be a release date announced. It has even been stated by Lupe Fiasco the artist himself, that the album is in fact completed. Enough is enough, we demand that you stop playing around and give us the album that we have been highly anticipating since the release of The Cool.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

Should you be someone sympathetic to this cause, feel free to track down the petition online and add your name to it. You know, if you like overrated, overproduced, bubble-gum hip-hop………