The arrival of the Droid thrills tech dorks, college football action and when/how to ban tight pants

- The Droid is almost here, tech dorks. Verizon Wireless customers will soon be able to fork over $199 for the much anticipated Google Android phone called the Droid. Verizon and Google unveiled the Droid this week and as with most smartphones of its class, the phone will cost with a two-year contract. Tech dorks can buy the Droid starting November 6, but pre-register for the device now. The Droid’s most-hyped features include voice-activated search that allows users to speak a query and access to the Google-powered search engine, which will deliver Web results or results from the device such as contacts, music, and photos. It will also work hand-in-hand with Google Maps to provide turn-by-turn directions. For example, users can say “gas station” and their phone will pinpoint their location and give them directions to the nearest gas stations. Many Android apps will also be loaded onto the phone and users will have access to the more than 10,000 applications available in the Android Market. However, the Droid does not have many of Verizon's branded services, including Verizon's VCast music service and VZ Navigator. The specs for the phone aren’t exactly a surprise, as they were leaked online over the past few weeks. The phone features Android 2.0, a 5-megapixel camera, Wi-Fi, Bluetooth, GPS, a Webkit HTML 5 browser, a 550MHz processor and a 1,400mAh lithium ion battery offering 6.4 hours of continuous talk time. The device measures 4.6 inches tall by 2.4 inches wide by 0.5 inch thick and weighs 6 ounces with a 3.7-inch, 16:9 touch screen with 480x854-pixel resolution. For plug-ins, it has a headphone jack, mini-USB port and comes with a 16GB micro-SD card. It remains to be seen whether the Droid can compete with the iPhone, but it will receive the backing of Verizon’s largest marketing campaign ever. Like the iPhone, Droid users will be able to sync their unprotected iTunes music or other MP3 music to the device – but they must do so manually. Users can also chip off a few extra bucks for an accessory that mounts the phone in the car, which I’m sure Motorola and Verizon are hoping will sell big. iPhone users are generally a devoted group to their smartphone of preference, so I have my doubts that Verizon and Google will be taking over the market any time soon………

- Great news for all of you Chuck fans out there, of whom I am proud to call myself one. When Chuck returns after the Winter Olympics in March, it will do so with six additional episodes. That addition was came as NBC announced that it will be canceling Trauma after its original 13-episode run. After a fan-led campaign to save Chuck when it appeared in danger of cancellation after last season, the renewal without public outcry is a welcome sight. The additional six episodes could also mean that Chuck will be back in January, prior to the Vancouver Olympics. The 19-episode season will be the third for the spy comedy, while Trauma becomes the third casualty of the fall season. Designed to fill the Peacock’s medical-drama void after the retirement of ER, Trauma never pulled in the big numbers. When NBC announced full-season orders for Mercy, Parks and Recreation and Community last week, no proclamation was made on Trauma’s future. Oddly, the network did commit to airing three more episodes of Trauma in an announcement made earlier this week. That brings the show up to 13 scheduled episodes, but that will be all. As always, NBC has ideas for several new shows in the hopper, including an as-yet-untitled legal drama with Idris Elba as executive producer and a drama about a crime-solving magician from NCIS scribe Dan Freeman. To be honest…..both of those shows sound either really bad or like a total retread of things we’ve already seen, but let’s all just focus on the longer season for Chuck and block out the rest of it……….

- Things got largely back to normal in the world of college football today. The so-called elite teams actually played like they were elite and terrible bad and mediocre teams played down to their normal level of play. The nation’s top team, Florida, had a grudge match against Georgia and b*tch-slapped the Bulldogs 41-17. These two teams have never liked each other, but that dislike was exacerbated and elevated into burning hate two years ago when, during a win, Georgia coach Mark Richt had his entire team rush onto the field following Georgia’s first touchdown to celebrate. That earned them an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty and the eternal loathing of the Gators. In turn, Florida has looked to obliterate the Bulldogs each of the last two years and succeeded both times. This year, the Gators defense forced three second-half turnovers and the Florida offense was efficient and effective. The same could be said for No. 3 Texas, which jumped out to a 41-7 lead and ultimately won 41-14 over Oklahoma State, a team that normally gives them trouble. UT also got two interception returns for touchdowns and won by 27 despite only having two more first downs than the Cowboys. The day’s biggest eye-opener had to be in Eugene, Oregon, where No. 10 Oregon not only beat No. 4 USC, but handed them the worst loss during coach Pete Carroll’s tenure with the Trojans in a 47-20 thumping. The Ducks used the running and passing of quarterback Jeremiah Massoli, the running of LaMichael James and 613 yards of total offense to run the Trojans right off the field. It’s stunning loss not only because of the margin of victory, but also because it all but assures that USC will not win the Pac-10 for the first time in seven season. With two conference losses to Oregon’s none, USC is out of the conference, Rose Bowl and national title pictures. The Oregon win also has interesting implications for No. 7 Boise State, which handed the Ducks their only loss in the season opener for both teams. That 19-7 win in Boise looks better and better as the season goes on, but it also poses an interesting problem. Because Boise State’s schedule outside of the Oregon game is relatively weak, critics say the Broncos have no shot at playing in the national championship game. However, those same analysts seem to think that Oregon, with plenty of strong wins, could be worth of that same national title game if a couple of the undefeated teams ahead of them lose. Bottom line here: Oregon CANNOT play in the national title game ahead of Boise State. The Broncos won on the field in a game where both teams had all of their players and no one had yet been lost for the season to injury. They won by 12 in a game they dominated physically and the only way Oregon should play for the national title is if Boise State is their opponent. But right now, Boise State is still behind No. 6 TCU in the BCS rankings among non-automatic qualifier conferences. The Horned Frogs boast a rugged defense and an underrated offense, so don’t underestimate them. They won 41-0 against UNLV, keeping their record perfect. Meanwhile, Michigan played down to the low level of performance that it established last year, losing in embarrassing fashion to lowly Illinois, 38-13. The Fighting Illini rushed for 377 yards and had two touchdown runs of 70 yards or more to hand the Wolverines a third conference loss, dropping coach Rich-er Fraud-riguez’s team to 5-4, 1-4 in Big Ten play. After going 4-0 to start the season with multiple comeback wins, UM has crashed back to Earth and showed that perhaps they aren’t back to an elite level. Lastly, how about that North Texas-Western Kentucky shootout? Sure, the two teams had a combined one win coming into the game and Western Kentucky is esteemed by many to be the nation’s worst D-I team, but that doesn’t mean these two couldn’t put on a show. That they did, torching the scoreboard for 117 total points as North Texas kept Western Kentucky winless on the season with a 68-49 verdict. All told, the Hilltoppers and Mean Green combined for more than 1,000 yards of total offense and each team had five rushing touchdowns. It may not have been the best game of weekend, but it sure was exciting. All in all, it was a Saturday where college football made sense and teams played mostly like you’d expect them to………..

- When I hear about statewide or nationwide sweeps by law enforcement that snare dozens and even hundreds of fugitive sex offenders, I’m always torn. On the one hand, taking perverted, disturbed scumbags like that out of society is always a positive. But on the other hand, the fact that there are dozens and often hundreds of sex offenders to arrest means that these people exist in the first place. Bearing that in mind, I’m tepid about news that Operation Shepard, a four-day sweep for fugitive sex offenders in Colorado, has led to 106 arrests by the U.S. Marshals Service. All of these scumbags stand accused of something heinous, ranging from failure to register as a sex offender to sex assaults against children, incest and child prostitution. U.S. marshals combined forces with other state, local and federal law enforcement agencies and took to the streets in ten-person teams. These teams are basically bounty-hunting posses, knocking on doors, chasing lead and using government databases to track their quarry. According to the Marshals Service, most of the freaks on the wanted list have been convicted of a sex offense and have been released on parole but have failed to register as sex offenders or have failed to meet some other conditions of their parole. Some of the wanted individuals have been on the run for years, while others have only been at large for a few months. The influx of cold weather in Denver actually aided the search because as one agent put it, "Cold weather keeps them home. Just like hunting." The search teams go any place their prey might visit, including homes of old girlfriends, places they used to work and old hangouts. Often the sex offender will flee across the country and law enforcement agencies end up sharing information back and forth in their quest to capture these reprehensible douche bags. "We have located and arrested fugitives as far as Washington state," says Robert Rodriquez, sex offender investigations coordinator for the U.S. Marshals Service. "Additional leads have been sent to other parts of the country." As disturbing as the knowledge of how many truly sick wackos exist in this country is, I’m going to go ahead and give the thumbs up to this news even if it does creep me out a bit………

- I see what you’re doing, Muslim leaders in Indonesia, and I like it – a lot. Your decision to ban Muslim women would be banned from wearing tight pants in a devoutly Islamic district of Indonesia's Aceh province is a good one even if your reasoning for the decision isn't that great. You may be making this call in an effort to promote strict moral values in the world's most populous Muslim-majority nation, but sometimes it is the end result that we need to focus on an not the means it takes to get there. Fact is, there are a whole lot of ladies out there in every single nation of this wide world who, well, just do not need to be wearing tight pants any time, ever. Here in the United States, these un-fit ladies display their terrible physiques in all sorts of inappropriate garb, including: spandex, tight jeans, short skirts and too-small bathing suits. If only someone could come up with a reason to tell these chicks that their unflattering apparel was not allowed…..a guy can dream. Doesn’t matter if it’s based on religion, politics, social standards or just sheer humiliation – get it done. Want to wear spandex shorts in public, chick who is 90 pounds overweight? No, you may not. Force people to get a license to wear this sort of apparel for all I care, just make it happen. As for the Indonesian law, the proposed regulations that would take effect Jan. 1. The penalty for violating the law isn't severe; those violating the ban, which also prohibits shorts for men, will be told to put on government-issued full-length skirts or loose pants. The law will be enforced by wandering Shariah, or Islamic police. "Wearing tight jeans exposes their bodies, which is strictly banned under Islam," said Ramli Mansur, head of West Aceh District. Mansur is unquestionably behind the new law, to the point that he has suggested that civil servants to go beyond the rules and refuse government services to women wearing the banned clothing. I go back to my idea of applying these clothing bans to obese women (and even men) in the United States and the idea of refusing government services to people who violate the rules and to be honest, it’s a freaking awesome idea. Never mind that polls show that a majority of Indonesians oppose the restrictions on dress and behavior and believe that they are being pushed by a small fringe of hard-liners in the secular democracy. Aceh isn't a place known for its tolerance; it’s a semiautonomous region that made headlines last month when its parliament passed a Shariah law making adultery punishable by stoning to death and imposed prison sentences and public lashings against homosexuals and pedophiles. Those things notwithstanding, I like the idea of banning tight pants for certain people and encourage every government around the world to consider my idea………

A new euphemism for being slutty, a Smallville recap and a government in Malaysia inspires me with a great idea

- We’ve found another great euphemism for being a trashy slut and it’s inspired by something unusual: the World Series. Susan Finkelstein is a Philadelphia resident who, like many Philadelphians, is clearly pumped up about the Philadelphia Phillies being in the Series for a second straight year. The Phils are the defending world champions and because they don’t have home-field advantage in the World Series against the New York Yankees, the maximum number of home games they can have in the series is three. Having only three home games means that tickets to those games become an even more valuable commodity among fans and that’s where Finkelstein comes in. She is a married University of Pennsylvania graduate student who wanted to take her husband to a World Series game. Unfortunately, the limited number of tickets that are available on various ticket retailing Web sites are absurdly expensive and most people simply cant afford to throw down $4,000 for a couple of seats. That harsh financial reality was not lost on Finkelstein and in lieu of cash, she decided to use one thing she has an ample supply of: horniness. She went to the place where all morality-deprived scumbags go when looking to trade their honor and self-respect for cash: Craigslist. She threw her ad up on the site, describing herself as a "buxom blonde" willing to basically trade sex for tickets. Her attorney, William J. Brennan, says might have dropped double entendres in her Craigslist ad but never explicitly offered sex. Instead, Brennan insists that Finkelstein is "a nice lady overcome with Phillies fever." Unless your translation of “nice lady” is trampy slut and “Phillies fever” is a euphemism for being really, really horny, then I don’t agree. Apparently this isn't the first time Finkelstein has scored tickets online before, but from what I can gather, this is her first time offering to pimp herself out for World Series ducats. Regardless, she was arrested Tuesday after meeting at a suburban bar with an undercover police officer responding to the ad. I’ve heard of guys pulling this sort of crap, allegedly offering up their girlfriend or wife for a night in exchange for hard-to-get tickets, but this is the first time I’ve heard of a woman taking the initiative and whoring herself out. Sorry “buxom blonde” Finkelstein, but it looks like you won't be attending any World Series games this year…………

- Tonight’s Smallville was infused with an unexpected dose of Good Morning Metropolis. Because she apparently needs a second career, Lois decides that she’ll audition to be one of the morning show’s new co-hosts. Clark tags along to help Lois audition to make up for standing her up on their recent date to the monster truck rally, but when the lights go on and the audition cameras roll, CK chokes and can’t keep up with Lois. Still, their banter when the cameras stop rolling catches the eye of the executive producer and she offers them both jobs hosting the show. The first assignment is a story on Internet dating, with each of the two set up with a date online and having the date filmed on camera. Clark fills out his dating profile in 10 minutes, while Lois pores over hers and puts tremendous effort into each answer in order to attract the “right” kind of guy. When Clark’s date rolls around, Lois is convinced his profile will attract either a country bumpkin or a cougar. Instead, the date turns out to be Catherine, a smokin’ hot blonde just back from traveling aboard and currently pursuing a double major in sociology and social justice. The date goes well for both Clark and Catherine, leaving Lois more than a little jealous. To make her own date better, Lois seeks out help from her ex, Oliver Queen. She stops by his penthouse apartment to ask him what her “red flags” are so she can avoid a bad date. Instead, she happens into an awkward scene that doesn’t look good for Oliver. Despite giving up his self-destructive, alcoholic ways, Ollie is still attending underground fight clubs for some reason and at one fight, he is impressed by a hot girl named Mia who absolutely demolishes a guy twice her size. However, her night comes to an abrupt end when a scary-looking dude dressed in all black accosts her and drags her off, accompanied by two similarly scary friends. The scene catches Oliver’s attention and he somehow manages to track Mia down the next day as she’s standing on a sidewalk, offering her services as a hooker. Turns out that the scary dude from the night before was her pimp Rick, but Oliver has a mind to help her out of her current lifestyle. First, he allows her to drive his expensive sports car and along the ride, he offers to train her as a fighter and help her get out of life as a hooker. That takes them back to his apartment, where Lois drops in, finds Mia clad in only a towel following a sparring session and stint in Oliver’s steam room and gets the wrong idea. But Oliver continues trying to help Mia, going so far as to buy her a new wardrobe and making her a sort of personal assistant. He also decides to help Lois for her filmed-for-TV blind date and stops by the locale for the date, the Ace of Clubs, to pay off her date and step in as his replacement. The date is problematic from the start, as Lois is obviously rattled by Oliver’s presence. He admits that he’s here to set the record straight about Mia and what he was about to say to Lois before Mia walked into the room at his apartment. When he confesses that the thing he loves most about Lois is that she’s still in his life, she pulls the plug on the date and yanks him off camera for a chat. Clark, as Lois did during his date, must listen to the whole scene unfold as he sits in the on-site production truck. But when Lois and Oliver go out onto the club’s balcony, Lois removes her mic. She tells Oliver that she still loves him, but only as a friend. There’s someone else and that someone is Clark, who actually was about to ask her out on a second date over the comm link in her earpiece before Oliver showed up. Oliver takes the rejection surprsisngly well and even says he’s happy for Lois. As he departs and exits the club into the alley where Mia is waiting with his car, Lois follows. She tells Oliver that as his friend, she won't let him go down any more dark alleys alone. He insists that all is well and even offers to formally introduce her to Mia. Unbeknownst to Ollie, Mia has paid Rick a visit during the past hour and tried to settle her debt with him by giving him Ollie’s car. Rick, unwilling to allow his top earner to just walk away, demands that Mia help him rob Oliver. Rick is lurking in the alley when Oliver approaches the car and pistol-whips him from behind. Oliver is knocked out, but Lois and Mia fight back. Mia gets control of the gun and points it at Rick, but she can’t pull the trigger. He rips the gun from her hands and is about to shoot Lois when Ollie gets up off the ground and joins the fight. Together with Lois, he manages to escape but with Rick in pursuit, toting an automatic weapon. The chase leads to the club’s roof, where Rick corners his prey and fires off multiple shots. Clark, having heard the ruckus over the comm link from Lois’ earpiece that fell out in the alley, super-speeds to the scene and stops the bullets while also using his heat vision to blow up Rick’s gun. Lois sees none of it because Oliver is shielding her, ostensibly from the bullets. Clark stops the last bullet just inches from Oliver’s face, then vanishes from the scene as fast as he appeared. Still, the sight of Lois and Oliver together doesn’t sit well with him. As he chats with Chloe shortly after the incident, she challenges him to stop being so selfless and to go after what he wants. CK takes the advice and at the Daily Planet the next day, he walks right up to Lois and drops a kiss on her, which she clearly enjoys. Neither of them seems too concerned that Good Morning Metropolis has replaced them with Catherine, Clark's blind date, as the show's new host - at least not after the kiss. As for Chloe, she finds herself locked in a war with Stuart Campbell, Tess Mercer’s tech genius. Chloe is trying to hack LuthorCorp’s records to help Clark trace the appearance of Kandorian symbols all across the globe, but Stuart throws up one firewall after another to stop her. In the end, she breaks through the 100^th firewall and finds Stuart on a live video feed, mocking her. She turns his mockery back on him by doing a screen capture on a picture of his hand, then running his fingerprints to find out who he is. Armed with all of the information and all of his records, she sets up a back-alley meeting and basically blackmails Stuart into coming over to her side in the fight with Tess. Miss Mercer has her own battle to fight in the meantime with Zod, who confronts her at the Luthor Mansion while she’s hosting a company gala to introduce her new project, the world’s first-ever self-sustaining solar tower. Zod reveals that he is chairman of RAO, the company with which LuthorCorp is partnering for the project. After the event ends, Zod informs Tess that he knows it was her who had the blood of the individual known as the Blur destroyed when the Kandorians tried to have it tested following its use to produce a vaccine for the virus the infected Metropolis with. Zod demands that Tess give up the identity of the blur and instructs one of her bodyguards, who is actually one of his men in disguise, to torture her until she either gives up the info or dies. Evidently Tess is more badass than a Kandorian warrior, because the next day Zod is sitting at a café in downtown Metropolis when an envelope appears on his table. Instead if the dog tag with the Kandorian jewel of the warrior he sent to torture Tess. It is covered in blood and as Zod examines it, Tess waves to him from the other side of the street. Message sent, but she vanishes from view as a truck passes in front of her and she’s gone. All told, a very good episode and a good job of balancing all of the show’s main characters into interesting storylines. The kiss between Lois and Clark ended the episode, so it will be interesting to see where that leads next week. Until then……….

- Great, this is going to help us all tremendously. Well, either that or it’s going to embolden idiot drivers who shouldn’t be out on the road by implying that their terrible performance behind the wheel isn't their fault. Researcher Steven Cramer, a neurology professor at the University of California Irvine, has just completed a study into driving habits and discovered that people with a certain gene variant performed more than 30 percent worse on a driving test than people without it. The study, published recently in the journal Cerebral Cortex, found that 30 percent of Americans have the variant. Under normal brain function, when a person performs a task, a protein called brain-derived neurotrophic factor (BDNF) is secreted to the area of the brain that is associated with that activity. The protein facilitates communication among brain cells and helps retain memory, but people with the gene variation Cramer studied have limited BDNF secretion. "These people make more errors from the get-go, and they forget more of what they learned after time away," Cramer said. Armed with that knowledge, Cramer and his research team applied their findings to driving by recruiting 29 people to drive 15 laps on a simulated course with difficult curves and turns. Of the 29 participants, 22 did not have the gene variant; seven did. On the first day of the study, they were asked to do their 15 laps and four days later, they repeated the test. The basic idea was to see how effectively the participants learned to navigate the twists and turns in each subsequent lap. Those with the variant did worse both times and also retained less the second go-round. "I'd be curious to know the genetics of people who get into car crashes," Cramer said. "I wonder if the accident rate is higher for drivers with the variant." So you may be asking what the heck we can do with this information and if we can use it to weed out the IQ-deprived tools out there who drive five miles per hour below the speed limit in the left lane and cant remember to signal before turning or changing lanes. The answer is no, because a test to determine whether someone has the gene variant is not commercially available. However, those of you who are terrible drivers can now claim that you have this gene variant and that’s why you drive like you are handicapped mentally, emotionally, physically and psychologically……….

- Let’s just say that Malaysia is not an especially tolerant place these days. When a country’s government is seizing more than 15,000 Bibles in recent months because they referred to "God" as "Allah," that doesn’t speak well of your open-mindedness. That particular translation of the Bible has been banned in the Muslim-majority country, which is decidedly unfriendly and repressive to people from other faiths. The Bibles were imported from neighboring Indonesia, but they never made it to their intended target. The seizure should be powerful fuel for religious minorities in Malaysia who have frequently lamented the restriction of their right to practice their faiths freely. That stands in stark contradiction to the country’s reputation as a harmonious multiethnic nation that practices a moderate brand of Islam. The Rev. Hermen Shastri, general secretary of the Council of Churches of Malaysia, explained that authorities seized 5,100 Bibles, imported from Indonesia, back in March and then seized a consignment of 10,000 copies sent from Jakarta to Kuching in Sarawak state on Sept. 11. The reason for the seizures was because the Indonesian-language Bibles contained the word "Allah." Because Indonesian language is similar to Malaysian language and both languages use "Allah" as translation for God in both Islamic and Christian traditions, it makes sense that Allah would be used. That still doesn’t fly with the Malaysian government, which has banned non-Muslims from using the word "Allah" in their texts, saying the word is Islamic and may upset Muslims. Honestly, this sounds like exactly the approach that African-Americans take to the “n” word, but the two terms could not be more different. While the “n” word is an incredibly offensive and racist term, especially when used by non-blacks, Allah is an actual religious term in Islam and not in any way a profanity or racist term. In a country where 25 percent of the people are ethnic Chinese and 8 percent are Indians and many of the Chinese and Indians are Christians, this sort of persecution of their faith in the name of Islam is indefensible at best. The Roman Catholic Church leading the fight in challenging the "Allah" ban in court, saying it is unconstitutional and discriminates against those worshipping in Malay language. However, the government is clearly in no hurry to adjudicate the case, which has been stuck in preliminary hearings for almost two years. If and when the case is heard, the church will argue that Allah is not exclusive to Islam but is an Arabic word that predates Islam. Win or lose the case, don’t expect the Malaysian government to back off its stance and become more tolerant any time soon………

- I know what the ass clowns who are proposing the idea of a reality series pairing reality parasites Jon Gosselin and the freak show that is Nadia Suleman are after. They think that by combining two of the biggest blights on society today, individuals that are universally loathed and devalued by society, they are going to come up with a winning show that millions of people will tune in for. By the grace of God, I hope they are wrong and that any network asinine enough to air this potential show is swallowed whole by the Earth the second the first episode begins to air. But you can already see that these a-hole producers are overestimating their wares because they are calling Gosselin and Suleman the "two biggest media sensations of our generation." Yes, bigger than Jay-Z, Kanye West, LeBron James, the Pope, Survivor and Twitter combined, I’m sure. A leaked copy "Jon - Kate = Jon + Octomom" reads: "Mohammed and the Mountain started a religion. Mickey Mantle and Roger Maris started a Yankee dynasty. Lennon and McCartney started a music revolution. Now Jon and Octomom start a whole new reality in the world of Reality TV." Are you f’ing kidding me? This idea isn't good, it’s not creative or innovative; it’s merely a shameless stab at generating controversy using two people that we’re all tired of and wish would go away and never come back. The word on the street is that Suleman has had a thing for Gosselin for some time now, which is actually very appropriate. This brain-dead, IQ-less piece of crap would clearly be reaching far above her level in life if she went after any guy other than a scumbag like Gosselin, so in that sense she’s right on the mark. Unfortunately for the producers, their belief that the show is so revolutionary it will rival "American Idol" in the ratings and that "there will be no rival in the shocking nature of this pairing" is so far off base that it makes predictions of a Grammy for William Hung look brilliant by comparison……….

Why Tom Cruise may be pissed, meth + tennis = interest and a contrast in quality on Tuesday night television

- Tom Cruise is going to be pissed. Hearing that acclaimed film director Paul Haggis has decided to leave the Church of Scientology is going to have the diminutive, couch-jumping kook that is Cruise ready to storm Oprah’s studio and bounce up and down on her comfy couch for hours on end. A private letter written by Haggis to the church's spokesman, Tommy Davis, was released and in it, the director expressed anger at the Church of Scientology of San Diego's alleged public support of Proposition 8, which eliminated the right of same-sex couples to marry in California. "I called and wrote and implored you, as the official spokesman of the church, to condemn their actions," said the letter. "I told you I could not, in good conscience, be a member of an organization where gay-bashing was tolerated." Haggis himself has not commented on the story and his publicist explained that he won't be doing so any time soon, as he is currently in Pennsylvania directing a film starring Russell Crowe and Liam Neeson. Haggis’ de-Scientologizing isn't a big stunner because he hasn’t been an active member for many years. "The church's refusal to denounce the actions of these bigots, hypocrites and homophobes is cowardly," the letter says. "I can think of no other word. Silence is consent, Tommy. I refuse to consent.” The local church in San Diego contends that it was incorrectly listed in some materials as supporting Prop 8 and the church's name was eventually removed. Davis insists that his organization is "absolutely not anti-gay" and that its doors are open to everyone. "As a church we don't take active stances on political issues," Davis said. "Being a minority, we are absolutely all for civil rights and the rights of any minority. We have a pretty complete understanding of what it is like to be persecuted or marginalized...being a minority religion ourselves." Blah, blah, blah. Look, I have my own beliefs on the issue and I believe that homosexuality is morally wrong, but that’s not the issue here. No, what I want to know is whether this is going to be enough to spark a heated red-carpet faceoff between Cruise and Haggis in which T. Cruise uses his Level 24 Scientology powers to Jedi mind trick Haggis into stepping in front of a speeding limo. If you’re unfamiliar with Haggis’ work, he wrote the Academy Award-winning "Million Dollar Baby," co-wrote and directed "Crash” and has been a part of several other big-name films. To Messrs Cruise and Haggis, I say this: In the words of the immortal Mills Lane, Let’s get it on………

- I would watch a lot more men’s professional tennis if there were more stories like this. If Andy Roddick or James Blake were to become a meth addict, I can safely say that my interest in men’s tennis would skyrocket immediately. But sadly, the meth head in question is former ATP player and legend Andre Agassi, who has written an autobiography, to be released next month, in which he admits to using crystal meth while he was playing professional tennis. Excerpts from the book became public this week and the allegations of meth use were confirmed by the director of media relations at Knopf, a division of Random House which is publishing the book. According to reports, the meth use took place in 1997, when Agassi failed an ATP drug test and claims that he immediately sat down to write a letter to tour officials about why he had tested positive. According to Agassi, he blamed his positive test on an assistant he identified as “Slim” (no joke) who liked to spike his drinks with meth. In the letter, Agassi lied and said he had accidentally taken a drink from Slim’s cup and thus gotten the crystal meth into his system. He also stated that Slim had since been fired and that the problem was taken care of, claims Agassi now admits were false. Who knows why an über-successful athlete who had won multiple majors, an Olympic gold medal in the 1996 Atlanta Games and had millions of dollars in the bank and endorsement deals out the wazoo would turn to crystal meth, the drug of your average trailer park junkie. Perhaps the pressure of not having won a major that year was getting to him, I don’t know. What I do know is that having a meth addict involved in your sport is going to earn my interest every day of the week. I couldn’t care less about the non-sport that is auto racing, but when NASCAR driver Jeremy Mayfield was revealed to be an (alleged) meth addict, I seriously considered taking up in interest in auto racing. The bottom line here, as always, is that if your sport is suffering from a lack of interest and needs to do something to get itself back on the sports map, having someone develop a meth habit is always a good place to start………

- Tuesday night, I was struck by an incredible contradiction as I sat down to watch television. On the one hand, there was NBC kicking off prime time with its hit weight-loss reality show The Biggest Loser. It’s two hours of inspiring television featuring morbidly obese people leaving their normal lives, going to live on a ranch in sunny Southern California and literally losing hundreds of pounds as they save their lives in every sense of the word. These are people who often have truly tragic stories of losing people they love, having loads of medical problems because of their immense weight and literally facing a life-or-death battle to lose weight. They travel to Southern California and spend as long as three months there, working out, learning how to eat better and shedding pounds. In the process, they gain self-confidence and shed loads of emotional baggage. After two hours of uplifting television, viewers can then switch their televisions over to MTV where they can see……well, TV that isn't uplifting. Suffice it to say, The Hills and The City are not only not uplifting, I can literally feel my soul dying watching vapid, spoiled, clueless rich people b*tch fight at their beach parties, worry about who talked to whom at last night’s Manhattan charity event and who has the better Mercedes or Christian Dior handbag. In truth, The Hills is worse in terms of vapidity, shallowness and sheer lack of any redeeming social value. I don’t know how to fully describe the depths to which this show sinks, but just look at those two talent-less tools Heidi and Spencer and know that they are a) great representations of what’s wrong with the show and b) aren’t even the most vapid, dislikeable people on the show. The City is basically the same show, only with the beaches and sun of SoCal exchanged for the skyscrapers and pavement of Manhattan. As much as Biggest Loser uplifts you and makes you feel good, these two MTV reality TV hatchet jobs bring you down just as much. It’s a truly jarring juxtaposition and it’s only Tuesday nights on a television near you……………

- Far too much was made of New York Jets quarterback getting caught on camera Sunday eating a hot dog on the sideline during the Jets' 38-0 victory against the lowly Oakland Raiders. Guys who have played the game or are active NFL players disapproved of the act because they viewed it as disrespecting an opponent by basically saying, “This game is such a joke that I can get my grub on sitting on the bench before it’s over.” I disagree for a number of reasons, mostly because Sanchez explained that he wasn’t feeling well before the game, didn’t each much prior to kickoff and was simply looking to get something into his stomach. "I want to apologize for that," he said. "I wasn't feeling very good and didn't eat much before the game, so I was feeling a little queasy. Toward the end of the game, I probably should have eaten one of those bars or something, but someone offered [a hot dog], so I grabbed it and tried to be discreet about it, but obviously not discreet enough. So I shouldn't have done that, and it won't happen again." But I’m not here to chat about the incident any more because it’s already been done ad nauseum. Instead, I’m happy to see that Sanchez, the team and his agent have found a way to turn Hot Dog-Gate into an opportunity to help the less fortunate. Sanchez has bought 500 hot dogs and 500 hamburgers, along with buns and rolls, through A&P supermarket, and donated them to the Community Soup Kitchen of Morristown, N.J. Make no mistake about it, this is something that the team’s PR rep and Sanchez’s agent helped set up, although he probably had some input. Regardless, having fun with this whole situation and turning it into a way to provide food for people who very much need it is a worthwhile ending to any controversy, no matter how large or small it may be. Props to Sanchez and Co. for making it happen…………

- You’re not helping your argument that you are not a repressive, fascist dictator Zimbabwean dictator Bob Mugabe, you’re hurting it and you shouldn’t be barring U.N. special investigators on torture from your country, man. Special investigator (man, I want that title) Manfred Nowak learned that his mission had been canceled after he arrived in Johannesburg, South Africa, en route to Zimbabwe. He was to make an eight-day trip to look into alleged attacks against opposition party members, but Mugabe’s (illegitimate) government shut it down. Their claim is that the mission was canceled to allow for consultation with southern African leaders over the country's power-sharing agreement. Uh-huh, sure it wasn’t. Nowak said the right tings about be happy to see the consultation planned for Thursday in Harare, but he rightly said it was not a valid reason for the government to cancel his mission. No, more than likely the cancellation came because Mugabe and his posse don’t want their horrendous, abusive and oppressive treatment of the country’s opposition groups exposed. Mugabe and Prime Minister Morgan Tsvangirai, the two leaders in the parties involved in this showdown, have been at each other’s throats once again after a short period of relative calm. In truth, the uproar over Zimbabwe’s disputed presidential election has never died down and the so-called unity government that formed in its aftermath has bickered constantly since it was formed in February. That’ll happen when one party in a coalition accuses the other of repeated human rights violations. A sticking point for Tsvangirai’s Movement for Democratic Change party is the ongoing case against Roy Bennett, a key MDC official facing charges of possessing weapons for sabotage, banditry and terrorism. While he is jailed and awaiting trial (although out on bail now), Bennett’s nomination for deputy agriculture minister is on hold. Of course, Mugabe vehemently denies that the charges are politically motivated, which is clearly a ginormous lie. The dictator also declared that Bennett would be appointed only if he were cleared of all crimes, which is rich because Mugabe is the one who is wrongly pressing these charges against Bennett to begin with. U.N. officials did not say if or when Nowak’s mission would be rescheduled, although the need for them to visit Zimbabwe is clearly still present. "Allegations that MDC supporters and human rights defenders have been arrested, harassed and intimidated in recent days underscore the urgent need for an objective fact-finding mission by an independent U.N. expert," Nowak said. Agreed and agreed, but that statement being true doesn’t mean that the Zimbabwean government will let any U.N. investigator in. Actually, it’s quite the opposite. The fact that there is a clear need for a U.N. visit in order to expose human rights violations is the very reason that investigators won't be allowed across the border any time soon…..or ever……..

Blake Griffin gets Clippered, Hugo Chavez channels his inner Spielberg and non-conformity v. the U.S. Army

- Blake Griffin, you have just been Clippered. No, not clipped, I said Clippered. As the top pick in this year’s NBA draft, one might assume that Griffin, his new NBA salary and life in sunny Southern California would make for a happy guy. That might be the case if not for one tragic fact: Blake Griffin doesn’t play for the Los Angeles Lakers, he plays for their ugly stepbrother, the L.A. Clippers. Ever since leaving Buffalo a couple of decades ago and heading westward to become the Clippers, this franchise has been a train wreck of bad coaching, terrible personnel decisions, freak injures and general ineptitude that has sunk them and their fans into a morass of losing that they cannot escape. The Clippers have never won and NBA title or played in the Finals since moving to L.A., so when Griffin and his considerable talents were drafted by the Clippers, it was not a question of if he would be Clippered, but when. Whether it was slipping getting in or out of the showed, getting clipped by someone on a moped walking down the sidewalk outside the Staples Center or being struck down by a falling asteroid while driving his car down the road, you knew it was only a matter of time. That it actually happened on the court during the Clippers' final exhibition game against New Orleans last Friday may actually be the most surprising part of the story because it makes this a normal sports injury. But I suppose every now and then, the sports gods must throw us a curveball and give us something we totally didn’t expect, i.e. a normal sports injury for a Clippers player. Griffin fractured his left kneecap on a dunk and now will miss as many as six weeks of action at the start of the year. He had to watched from the bench in street clothes as his teammates took on their Staples Center co-tenants, the Lakers, in the season opener last night. It’s another blow for a Clippers fan base already beaten down by the dual incompetence of coach Mike Dunleavy Sr. and general manager Mike Dunleavy Sr., who manages to consistently suck at two positions instead of just one. Griffin, had a solid preseason, averaging 13.7 points and 8.1 rebounds per game, but he is expected to miss most or all of the 20 games the play in their first six weeks of the regular season. He also suffered a strained right shoulder that prematurely ended his rookie league season this summer, so clearly the infection that is the Los Angeles Clippers has already infected him and it’s only a matter of time before it does him in for good………

- Can we stop paying attention when NASA postpones the launch of a space shuttle or rocket and only take note when they actually launch something on schedule? Because of the delicate nature of shooting something that costs tens of millions of dollars into outer space, I understand that the conditions need to be exactly right to launch something, but at times the continual postponements border on the absurd. The latest delayed launch came Tuesday when NASA was unable to launch its unmanned test rocket Ares I-X because of cloudy, windy weather. The launch was rescheduled for today, when NASA engineers will once again attempt to launch the 327-foot rocket -- currently the world's largest -- from the Kennedy Space Center in Florida. Ares I-X is a key part of the Constellation Program, which is focused on developing new vehicles that would replace space shuttles, which will be phased out in 2010. That’s good because space shuttles are so 2008. Launching this rocket is part of NASA's mission to someday return astronauts to the moon and later travel to Mars. But as with so many things in science and technology, the culmination of this project is a long ways off. Even if the Constellation Program moves forward, the Orion capsule atop the Ares rocket will not be ready to take astronauts into space until at least 2015. That’s bad news for the United States because it would leave a gap of at least five years in which the only way the United States would be able to put humans in orbit would be by bumming a ride with the Russians, i.e. the Communists. The Ares mission will also feature a test for three massive main parachutes -- measuring 150 feet in diameter and weighing one ton each -- the largest rocket parachutes ever manufactured, which are a primary element of the rocket's deceleration system. The parachutes open simultaneously after the rocket is successfully launched to “provide the drag necessary to slow the descent of the huge solid rocket motor for a soft landing in the ocean," the agency says on its Web site. At 130,000 feet, the two segments of the rocket parts ways and the top of the rocket, known as the upper stage, continues its ascent until gravity forces its return to Earth, where it will fall into the Atlantic Ocean. NASA needs a successful result for this mission given the fact that an independent committee reviewing the future of space flight recently reported that the U.S. space program appears to be pursuing goals that exceed current funding. If those goals are to seem within reach and thus worth additional funding, the Ares I-X needs to do its thing and do it well…………

- You’ll have to excuse me if I can’t muster up any excitement at this point; I’m just devastated at the news I’m about to share. On Sunday, Alicia Keys announced – gasp - via her twitter page that her upcoming album has been pushed back two weeks. Noooooooo! Not Alicia Keys, don’t tell me that her new album is being delayed by tw-…….all right, all right, stop. I can’t keep this charade up. Among all of the overrated artists in music right now, Keys is one of the highest on the list. She’s not up there with a guy like Prince, but I’ve just never been down with Keys and her music. Sure, she has amazing vocal talents, but so does Celine Dion and her music is crap-tacularly bad to the nth degree. Look, Alicia Keys is clearly a favorite of Jay-Z’s and if H.O.V.A. gives you his stamp of approval, you’re pretty much golden in the music business. I just don’t care for Keys’ brand of R&B just like I’m not big on anyone whose music is piano-driven. Keys has already debuted the latest single from the album, "Try Sleeping With a Broken Heart," during a lecture and performance for New York University students. on the heels of that performance, she tweeted the news that instead of being released on Dec. 1st -- World AIDS day -- "The Element of Freedom" will now be available on Dec. 15th. "Luv having the freedom to create beautiful music, so I'm pushing the album back to DEC 15th. So many more amazing songs!!!" Keys tweeted about the J Records release. The album’s first First single, "Doesn't Mean Anything," is currently No. 15 on the R&B/Hip-Hop Songs chart. So for those who don’t share my awesome tastes in music and still like Alicia Keys’ music, Dec. 15 is now the day for you to look forward to……….

- Freaking Hugo Chavez, you are a beauty. Already South America’s biggest douche bag dictator, my boy Hugo is now looking to become the Steven Spielberg of Venezuela. When he’s not starting international brawls and partnering up with other fascist dictators ‘round the world in the League of Fascism™, Chavez is busy building a sprawling glass-and-concrete structure called La Villa del Cine—"Cinemaville"— that is the headquarters for the fight against what he decries as the "tyranny" of Hollywood. Located in the foothills just east of Caracas, the state-owned film studio is being praised by Chavez’s sycophantic followers as a "platform" to "revolutionize consciousness." The more cynical portions of the Venezuelan populace call it Hugowood. Either way, the Venezuelan dictator clearly views it as a key piece of what he calls the fight for "21st-century socialism." If by 21st-century socialism he means appointing himself lifetime dictator ruling with an iron fist and crushing the fundamental human rights of anyone who opposes him, then I agree. How else do you explain splurging on a state-run film studio with multiple edit bays, a costume department and sound stages? Sadly, an electrical fire earlier this year knocked out most of the studio's work-stations, forcing producers, editors, seamstresses, carpenters, and engineers to relocate. Another problem is Chavez’s reported tendency to start projects with gusto and then drop them mid-project. Most Venezuelans don’t expect much from Hugowood and I cant say I blame them. Any reputable filmmaker in Venezuela stays as far away from this debacle as possible, although some do ultimately agree to work for Chavez because they need the money. "Because they need the money, and because Chávez has plenty of it, filmmakers are a highly blackmailable class," says art critic Fernando Rodríguez. Hugo Chavez is obviously not the first fascist dictator to embrace the power of the cinema, as legendary dictators like Adolph Hitler have used the medium in a shameless attempt to spread their reprehensible propaganda. Plus, there is something of a media vacuum in Venezuela, what with Chavez and his posse having shut down most independent press or bullied them into submission. That doesn’t mean that I don’t gag over the hypocrisy when I read the official slogan for Hugowood: "Lights, camera, revolution!" Never have words rang more false and hollow, mis amigos. This debacle is being kept afloat by the ever-flowing stream of oil revenue, allowing for the production of 13 original propaganda pieces, er, original films so far, 12 more in the works and a reported budget of $16 million for 2009 alone. What cracks me up is that there are supposedly romantic comedies among the 13 films Hugowood has produced. Right, because who doesn’t want to see a Hugo Chavez-led romantic comedy? “Love me or I’ll throw you in prison and burn your home to the ground!” The studio’s executives insist that their work is not politically motivated. "Our job here is not about politics but to seduce the viewer by making the best picture we can," says Armando Silva, the studio postproduction manager. Keep spouting the party line, A. For one, you’ll be fired, shot and buried in a shallow grave if you don’t. But mostly I want you to keep it up because the sheer hypocrisy you and your cohorts display keeps the comedic absurdity of this whole endeavor at the highest possible level…………

- One of my chief beefs with the U.S. military has long been its ironclad insistence on conformity, especially when it comes to personal appearance. Never once in my life have I desired to have a crew cut, wear an identical uniform to that worn by hundreds of other people I am with, stand in a straight line and have an angry drill sergeant bark in my face about how my shoes aren’t properly shined. Thus, I welcome the news that the U.S Army has granted a member of a religious minority permission to keep his turban, beard and uncut hair while he serves in the military. Even though I do not share any religious beliefs with Capt. Kamaljit Singh Kalsi, a Sikh, that doesn’t mean I don’t support his right to adhere to the principles of his chosen faith, a faith that calls on its followers not to shave or cut their hair. Back in the spring, Kalsi filed a for an accommodation to follow the principles of his religion. In typical bureaucratic fashion, the Army took its sweet time considering the request before finally granting it this week. The Pentagon public affairs office later confirmed that Kalsi would be allowed to keep his turban, beard and uncut hair while cautioning in a letter to Kalsi that, "This accommodation is based solely on the facts and circumstances of your case," the letter said. "This accommodation does not constitute a blanket accommodation for any other individual." Whatever you say, Army. You have to add that caveat because if you didn’t, everyone with any sort of religious beliefs that could conceivably allow them to wear their hair or facial hair long would be lining up asking for their own exception. Kalsi was understandably excited after learning of the decision, which will allow him to continue serving his country and also keeping in line with his chosen faith. "Like the many Sikhs who fought before me, I know I will serve America with honor and excellence," he said in a written statement. It is worth nothing that Kalsi is not the only Sikh asking permission to keep his hair, beard and turban while serving in the Army. Capt. Tejdeep Singh Rattan, a dentist, applied at the same time as Kalsi, but sis case has been deferred until he receives the results of his dental board examinations. The Sikh community is relatively small in the United States, currently numbering in the vicinity of 500,000. Strike a blow for non-conformity for once, something that you can seldom say about the military…………

Recapping this season's penultimate episode of Greek, beef strewn across a highway and Larry Johnson proves athletes and Twitter like idiots too

- Thanksgiving came early on last night’s Greek. Leading up to next week’s season finale, it was a long holiday weekend for everyone at Cyprus-Rhodes U. Everyone prepared to head home for the holiday, but of course those plans didn’t go as planned for everyone. As her fellow Zeta Beta Zeta sisters left, Casey was preparing to do the same until she stopped by her brother Rusty’s apartment to pick him up for the trip to the airport. He delivered the bad news that their parents had ditched them to spend Thanksgiving in Hawaii, something she would have known if she’d listened to any of the five voicemail messages her mother left her. So Casey is stuck on campus for the holiday weekend and thinks she has the ZBZ house to herself until Rebecca Logan interrupts her off-key singing of a Katy Perry song while dancing on her bed. Rebecca claims her flight was canceled and so the two of them are stuck together for the weekend. But the old ZBZ house proves a little creepy at night when it’s nearly empty and a freaked-out Rebecca decides to bring her humidifier and ambient noise machine with her and sleep in Casey and Ashleigh’s room. The next day is Thanksgiving and Casey plans to spend the early part of the day volunteering with a group called Moveable Meals to deliver Thanksgiving dinners to the elderly. Rebecca initially wants to write a check for $10,000 to charity instead of volunteering, but she ends up tagging along because she has no other plans. The volunteerism is short-lived, however, as the Moveable Meals people have all the helpers they need. The leader of the group says that a check would still be welcome and Rebecca hands over her generous donation, looking like a hero in the process. Still in search of something to break her string of bad karma lately, Casey searches for something else to do the trick. In a strike of inspiration, she decides to have an impromptu Thanksgiving meal at the ZBZ house and to invite all of the MM volunteers. In lieu of turkey, the group dines on pizza topped with turkey sausage and drinks “cranberry sauce,” a mixture of cranberry juice and leftover booze. The meal goes well until a drunk volunteers wanders upstairs, steals an ugly sweater from Casey and Ashley’s room and sprints out of the house with Rebecca in pursuit. After the party, Casey ends up talking with Evan and confessing that she had been planning on hooking up with her old boyfriend Derek while home for the weekend, but that plan went out the window when her parents ditched her. He seems to want to fill that void for her, but Casey isn't looking for that from him. She does still have Thanksgiving dinner at Rusty and Dale’s apartment later in the day after they invited her, but those plans end up going down in flames – literally. Both Rusty and Dale have made plans to cram their long weekend full of work on their respective research projects, with both of them having a shot at a prestigious engineering grant. Dale and his sponsor, Dr. Larson, have made the grant a priority. Rusty’s sponsor, Dr. Hastings, suggests it only after Rusty comes up with a new idea for a self-healing polymer wire. So while they try to prepare a traditional Thanksgiving feast, both guys are also spending time at the lab working on their projects. Dr. Hastings takes exception when Dale tags along with Rusty, reminding his young protégé that, “There are no friends in the lab.” That lesson proves true when Rusty’s project continues to make progress while Dale’s suffers a bad setback, literally going up in flames. With the double-whammy of his faltering project and news that Rusty has a real shot at winning the grant, Dale becomes so tense that he calls of Thanksgiving dinner and instead sneaks into the lab, where he spies on Rusty’s research in an attempt to gain an edge. When Rusty walks in on him, the sh*t hits the fan. Rusty accused Dale of looking down on him, not being honest with him and not being a true friend. Dale has no defense and the next time the two see one another in the lab, they don’t even say a word, not even after Rusty makes another huge leap forward in his project. Two guys who are making friendship work are Cappie and Evan, who make plans to play some Thanksgiving golf because neither is going home for the holiday. Evan promises to call with a tee time once he gets off work, but when he is running late and Cappie has the chance to do something else, he takes it. That something else is the annual Kappa Tau turkey hunt, which consists of a KT brother who is leaving for the weekend leaving behind clues for those brothers stranded on campus to hunt a turkey. When Wade, Heath and Beaver beg him to join in and show complete ineptitude in following the first few clues, Cappie joins the turkey hunt. The hunt takes the group to different rooms of the KT house and ultimately to the Omega Chi house, where Wade, Beaver and Heath want to also pull a prank, perhaps trashing Evan’s room. When Cappie shoots down the idea, they are shocked. He explains that it’s a KT tradition to cease hostilities with their enemies on Thanksgiving and when he brothers remark about how nonchalant and un-Cappie-like he’s been lately, he explains that his fallout with Casey after the “End of the World” party is to blame. Wade, Beaver and Heath encourage him to try again, even if it means potential heartbreak, so that he can be with the love of his life. With the turkey hunt completed, the KT’s head back to their house for the KT Thanksgiving dinner. Rusty is also on hand and he’s invited Casey, who in turn invites Rebecca and Evan, with whom she’s hanging out when she gets Rusty’s text. Evan’s presence causes predictable turmoil with the KT’s, him being the president of their hated rival frat and all, but Cappie makes the decision to let him in (and his brothers agree) because Evan comes bearing gifts: alcohol .The motley crew gathers around a table in the backyard and enjoys a “meal” that consists of nothing more than snack foods, candy and alcohol. When Wade finally announces that it’s time for turkey, the turkey turns out to be a bottle of Wild Turkey and not actual food. Rusty takes his cue to leave and head back to the lab, while Casey also decides to leave and Cappie offers to walk her home. At the ZBZ house, he escorts her inside but confesses that he has something he needs to say. Casey suggests they talk tomorrow when they are a little more sober, but Cappie insists on talking now. He pours out his heart, admits he should have came after her when she confessed her feelings for him at the KT “End of the World” party and says that he wants to be with her now. They kiss and she admits that she wants to be with him too, so happy ending, right? The previews for next week’s season finale would seem to indicate not, so be sure to tune in for that……..

- How about some more proof that famous people – athletes, actors, musicians, etc. – are just like the rest of us, that they have the same problems and shortcomings as the common man? Let’s welcome in Kansas City Chiefs running back Larry Johnson to help me illustrate this point. My man LJ is a member of one of the NFL’s worst teams, the 1-6 Chiefs. On Sunday, Johnson and his teammates were on the wrong end of a 37-7 home beatdown by the San Diego Chargers. Johnson didn’t exactly tear it up in defeat, tallying a mere 49 yards on 16 carries. However, that didn’t stop him from joining the millions of idiots around the world who manage to take a simple social networking site like Twitter and turn it into their own personal stupidity magnifier. Just like the tool with a mullet, vintage Guns N’ Roses concert t-shirt and rusted-out 1986 Ford Bronco down the street from you who gets all liquored up and posts some idiotic, grammatically stunted messages on his MySpace or Twitter page, Larry Johnson knows how to open his mouth and jam his foot halfway down his esophagus. Following the game Sunday, Johnson took to Twitter to slam his rookie head coach, Todd Haley. LJ posted that Haley has "nuthn" when it comes to NFL-quality credentials. "My father got more creditentials than most of these pro coaches,” Johnson wrote. He followed that with a Tweet saying that: "My father played for the coach from "rememeber the titans". Our coach played golf. My father played for redskins briefley. Our coach. Nuthn." Wow…..just wow. First and foremost, are you kidding me? As always, if you have a problem with the coach, go talk to him. If nothing else, maybe your frustration comes out after the game when you’re talking to the media. That’s not the right means of expressing yourself, but at least someone is in your face, bugging you for answers and you can say that you snapped and lost your cool. By going on Twitter and posting your own message, you’re showing a clear intent to take a hacksaw to your own coach’s reputation. Secondly, did Larry Johnson ever go to class while at Penn State? Furthermore, how the hell did he ever get admitted in the first place? My man, you absolutely butchered the words credentials, remember and briefly. Yes, those are multi-syllabic words, but anyone who attended even one day of college in their life should be able to spell them. If the story ended here, it would already be bad enough for Johnson. But wait……there’s more. After the Tweets I just mentioned, one of his Twitter followers took exception to his comments and shot back with a dig about the incident a couple of years ago in which Johnson allegedly spit his drink in a woman’s face at a club. That provoked a rant in which Johsnon “be-downgraded” the follower, touting his own talents, wealth and status as an NFL player and telling the follower to, "Make me regret it. Lmao. U don't stop my checks. Lmao. So 'tweet' away." To top it off, Johnson hit the follower with a three-letter homophobic slur. Nicely done LJ, nicely done. Now, you not only need to apologize to your head coach, you’ll also be issuing an apology that someone elser writes for you, er, from your heart to the entire gay and lesbian community for using a word that is incredibly offensive to them. Once again, thanks for showing that just because you are rich and famous doesn’t mean that you are any smarter or better than the rest of us………

- Thanks for ruining an American legend, researchers at The International Group for Historic Aircraft Recovery (TIGHAR). For decades, we’ve bought into the story that legendary aviatrix Amelia Earhart crashed into the ocean while attempting to fly around the world. She died in a blaze of glory, doing what she loved to do – or so we thoughts. According to these party-pooper researchers, Earhart most likely died on an uninhabited tropical island in the southwestern Pacific republic of Kiribati. To refresh your memory, Earhart disappeared while flying over the Pacific Ocean on July 2, 1937 in a record attempt to fly around the world at the equator. Ever since, her final resting place has been the stuff of legends and no one has ever definitively determined the answer. People like Richard Gillespie, TIGHAR's executive director and author of the book "Finding Amelia," and his crew have been searching the Nikumaroro island for evidence of Earhart. The island is actually a tiny coral atoll located 300 miles southeast of Earhart's target destination, Howland Island. TIGHAR has recovered several artifacts which suggest that Earhart and her navigator, Fred Noonan, made a forced landing on the island's smooth, flat coral reef. "We know that in 1940 British Colonial Service officer Gerald Gallagher recovered a partial skeleton of a castaway on Nikumaroro. Unfortunately, those bones have now been lost," Gillespie said. Those bones were found in a remote area of the island, in a place that was unlikely to have been seen during an aerial search. Along with the bones, researchers have also found a woman's shoe, an empty bottle and a sextant box whose serial numbers are consistent with a type known to have been carried by Noonan. All of the items were found near the site where the bones were discovered. "The reason why they found a partial skeleton is that many of the bones had been carried off by giant coconut crabs. There is a remote chance that some of the bones might still survive deep in crab burrows," Gillespie said. Okay, now that sounds far-fetched at best, Richie. Giant sand crabs carrying off human bones and burying them at the bottom of their burrows? I’m going to need much stronger evidence if I’m going to subscribe to your half-baked theory and ruin the image of Earhart crashing into the ocean and going instant legend in the process. There have been some great theories about her fate over the years, including suggestions that she was a spy, that she was captured by the Japanese, that she died in a prisoner-of-war camp, and that she survived and returned to live her life as a New Jersey housewife. Of course, if Gillespie’s theory is true and we knew it to be so a few years ago, we could have avoided the crap-tacular Earhart biopic starring starring Hilary Swank and Richard Gere, but that would be about the only good thing to result from the theory being proven true………

- It was a vegetarian’s nightmare early Monday morning at the Weston toll plaza on the Massachusetts Turnpike. State troopers aren’t sure what the cause was, but they know that the end result was a chain-reaction tractor-trailer crash that left sides of beef strewn across the roadway, a toll booth damaged and at least one driver hospitalized. First and foremost, best wishes to the injured driver for a full recovery. But the aspect of this that I’m more enthralled with is the sight of hundreds of slabs of been strewn across the highway in what could only be described as University of Kansas football coach Mark Mangino’s dream scenario. The spilled beef came from a refrigerated tractor-trailer carrying hundreds of pounds of meaty goodness which then rear-ended several other big rigs at the Weston tolls about 2:30 a.m. A third truck and a car were also hit in the accident. The beef truck wasn’t the only food carrier involved in the accident, as a truck carrying tomatoes was also caught up in the accident. Troopers believe that the truck carrying beef rear-ended a truck carrying a load of styrofoam cups on board, which in turn hit the car and tomato truck. The optimist in me looks at this and sees two thirds of a delicious hamburger (beef and smashed tomatoes, i.e. ketchup), but the sight off those sides of beef scattered across the highway is nearly as awesome. The cause of the accident, which occurred about 15 miles west of Boston, is unknown at this point. The one thing troopers are adamant about is that driver fatigue does not appear to be the cause. "I saw him coming behind me. No way I could get out of the road. He didn't even stop: the guy with the meat," the driver of the truck carrying the styrofoam cups said of the meat truck driver. "Ran into me, knocked me over this way, and I ran into the back of this." The accident actually proved quite beneficial to motorists who came through the toll plaza during the seven hours it took authorities to clean up the mess. Turnpike officials decided to wave most drivers through without requiring fares in order to keep traffic moving. The real loser in all of this was the beef, all of which was condemned by the state Board of Health even as front-end loaders were brought in to remove it from the road. Next time, if there’s going to be an accident causing a spill of a massive quantity of food products, let’s make it something disgusting and unappetizing, something that most of us hate anyhow, perhaps mayonnaise or sour cream………

- Never let it be said that Metallica doesn’t care about its fans. Well, it didn’t seem too concerned about them when Lars Ulrich was going in front of Congress, leading the charge to persecute and prosecute people who downloaded music for free from Napster, but at least in this instance the band is concerned with the well-being of one of its followers. On Oct. 17, Virginia Tech student Morgan Harrington attended a Metallica concert at the University of Virginia. During the show, Harrington called her friends inside to say she was outside the arena and would find her own way home. She explained that she had gone to the restroom and somehow ended up outside John Paul Jones Arena on the University of Virginia campus in Charlottesville. Security wouldn’t allow her to re-enter the arena, so she apparently decided to head home. That’s the last anyone heard from her and the next day, her phone and purse were found in a parking lot near the arena. Friends and family say she never went anywhere without her phone, so finding it in the parking lot was a disturbing sign. In the week since her disappearance, those close to Harrington have been feverishly searching for her and now they are receiving help from Metallica. The famed rockers are participating in the search, adding $50,000 to the reward for information leading to Harrington’s whereabouts. Her parents, Dan and Gil (pronounced “Jill”) Harrington, have been keeping a high public profile to keep their daughter’s story in the public eye. They live about 35 miles from the Virginia Tech campus in Blacksburg, so they’re not far away. The day of the concert, Morgan Harrington spent the day at home planning with her mother what she was going to wear to the show, so this was clearly something she was looking forward to. Lt. Joe Rader of the Virginia State Police wasn’t exactly a beacon of sunshine and hope when asked about Harrington, although you can’t exactly blame him. “We have a purse and we have a cell phone. We have a missing girl,” Rader cryptically stated. “We do not know whether if she is alive or has met some ill fate.” The FBI is working with the state police in the search for Williams, who is described as a5-foot-6, 120-pound blonde with blue eyes. All humor aside, I would encourage everyone out there in and around Virginia to keep an eye out and an ear open for anything that might help find Morgan Harrington……………

Isaiah v. Magic heats up, a Heroes recap and Nebrakans need to man up

- The story of former friends Magic Johnson and Isaiah Thomas turning into the Magic v. Isaiah hate-fest is both intriguing and disheartening. In case you missed it or simply aren’t a big NBA fan, Magic and Isaiah were basically best friends during the legendary, hall-of-fame careers to the point that during the 1988 NBA Finals, they greeted one another with a kiss on the cheek prior to every game. They had supposedly remained friends after their playing days ended – at least until last week, when excerpts from a book that Magic co-wrote with Larry Bird and author Jackie MacMullan, When the Game Was Ours, leaked. The quotes from the book alleged that among other things, Johnson believes that Thomas questioned his sexuality after Johnson was diagnosed with HIV in 1991 and that Johnson, Michael Jordan and others banded together to have Thomas blackballed from the 1992 Olympic Dream Team. "Isiah killed his own chances when it came to the Olympics. Nobody on that team wanted to play with him. ... Michael didn't want to play with him. Scottie [Pippen] wanted no part of him. Bird wasn't pushing for him. Karl Malone didn't want him. Who was saying, 'We need this guy?' Nobody,'' Johnson is quoted as saying in the book. Those are pretty strong accusations and allegations to make against one of your best friends and Thomas was predictably hurt. "I'm really hurt, and I really feel taken advantage of for all these years,'' said Thomas. "I'm totally blindsided by this. Every time that I've seen Magic, he has been friendly with me. Whenever he came to a Knick game, he was standing in the tunnel [to the locker room] with me. He and [Knicks assistant coach] Herb [Williams] and I, we would go out to dinner in New York. I didn't know he felt this way.'' Right there is where I have a problem with Johnson, because whether the allegations are true or not, if he didn’t go directly to Thomas and confront him the instant he became aware of what Isaiah had supposedly done, then Johnson is at fault. A guy is your best friend in basketball and you hear that he’s going around questioning your sexuality so you decide a) not to ask him about it and b) tuck it in your back pocket, wait nearly two decades and then pull it out to help generate interest when you want to write a book (available at a retailer near you on Nov. 4!)? The kicker is that the book is supposed to be about the rivalry between Bird and Magic, yet it’s the blindside attack on Thomas that is receiving the most attention. Thomas correctly pointed out that Johnson should have dealt directly with him if there was a problem, saying, “I wish he would have had the courage to say this stuff to me face to face, as opposed to writing it in some damn book to sell and he can make money off it.” To be fair, MacMullen stated that she did attempt to contact Thomas six months ago for his comment on the allegations, but he declined through his publicist to speak with her. However, that was still nearly 20 years after the fact and an author calling him to clue him in to the fact that his former best friend was about to trash him in a book isn't the way Thomas should have found out about all of this. Of course, that’s assuming Thomas is being forthright in what he’s saying now. There is obviously the possibility that he knew all of what Johnson is alleging in the book years ago. If that’s the case, then Thomas is the one who is a disingenuous douche bag. The accusation that seems to have stung Thomas the most is that he was out there spreading rumors about Johnson’s sexuality after Magic contracted HIV. "What most people don't know is, before Magic had HIV, my brother had HIV,'' Thomas said. "My brother died of HIV, AIDS, drug abuse. So I knew way more about the disease, because I was living with it in my house. Magic acted and responded off some really bad information that he got. Whatever friendship we had, I thought it was bulls--- that he believed that. Let me put it to you this way: If he and I were such close friends, if I was questioning his sexuality, then I was questioning mine too. That's how idiotic it is.'' I wholeheartedly concur that someone is acting like an idiot here, but I don’t yet know if it’s Magic Johnson or Isaiah Thomas………..

- Tonight’s Heroes was all about being dark and dangerous – well, that and not having a ton of the show’s key characters on screen. But you already knew it would be that way because that’s how Heroes rolls these days. Rather than make you wait, here’s who wasn’t around this episode: Peter Petrelli, Angela Petrelli, Mohinder Suresh, Hiro Nakamura, Ando, Emma, Edgar and Micah. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, on to what remains. The forced lesbian tension between Claire Bennet and her roommate Gretchen continues, with both unable to sleep after Gretchen planted an unexpected (and forced, plot-wise) kiss on her roomie last episode. Neither of them could sleep and so at 4 a.m., they decided to stop trying to get to sleep and talk it out. Claire admits that she really just wants to live a normal life after all the craziness that she’s been through and that she values Gretchen very much as a friend. However, she stops short of saying that she would have no interest in being more than friends. The conversation is interrupted when Becky Taylor and sisters of Claire and Gretchen’s new sorority, Psi Alpha Chi, barge into the room to kidnap Claire and Gretchen to kick off Hell Week. The sisters toss their new recruits into the trunk of a car and speed off to an undisclosed location. Of course, that provides the show’s writers another chance to put the two girls together in an awkward lesbian moment (let’s just create an acronym and call them ALM, because I have a feeling there are going to be a lot of them going forward) and as they are face to face, body to body, they renew their conversation about being friends or more than friends. And just when it seems that there’s a chance for another lesbian kiss, the car stops and the ride is over. Gretchen and Claire are blindfolded and led into an old slaughterhouse along with two other pledges. The sisters leave them all behind after issuing a challenge: follow the clues, find a prize and you win the right to skip Hell Week. Claire and Gretchen are on one team, the two other pledges on another team. All four girls wander through the slaughterhouse and find a set of lockers with their next clue. Claire deciphers the clue, painted on the wall, and opens the correct locker door to reveal a bag with bottles of water for all four of them. From there, the girls split up and try to find the next clue. As Gretchen and Claire trek around, they continue their conversation and Gretchen reveals that she’s had both boyfriends and girlfriends previously, while she realizes that Claire is still a virgin. As they walk and talk, it becomes clear that someone is following them, as we can see from footprints in puddles of water on the floor behind them. Of course, those footprints are from Becky, who has the power of invisibility. Becky uses her power to sneak up and send a meat hook flying Gretchen’s way, but Claire dives over, pushes Gretchen out of the way and they tumble to the ground, ending up on top of one another in another ALM (told you). But they manage to get up off the floor without getting it on and continue chasing the next clue. That leads them to a prep room deep inside the building, where Claire suggests that this doesn’t seem to be any sort of hazing or challenge, but more like someone really does want to kill one of them – Gretchen. In spite of that, they manage to find the last of the clues and the prize. But by now, Claire has also figured out that someone else is following them and her suspicions are confirmed when a cable dangling from the ceiling wraps around Gretchen’s throat and begins choking her. Thinking quickly, Claire grabs a metal tool and slices the cord, freeing Grethcen. But then, invisible Becky throws Claire across the room, impaling her on a metal rod. Claire can heal from anything, of course, so she’s still able to grab a metal hook and sensing Becky behind her, she slashes Becky in the shoulder. Being wounded shakes Becky from her invisibility, but it also presents an impossible situation when the two other pledges hear the commotion and come running. They are stunned to see Becky there and even more stunned when she turns invisible again and flees from the room. The astonishment goes up another notch when they see Claire impaled on the metal rod, then see Gretchen free her and Claire instantly heal. “What are we gonna do now?” Gretchen asks. Good question, G. Another good question is what was the point of H.R.G.’s field trip to Cainan, Georgia. Sure, last week he went there to find Jeremy, a boy with the power to heal others and also the power to take life from them. Peter Petrelli took that power to go help Hiro, but H.R.G. stayed behind to help Jeremy. That didn’t happen, as his plan to rig the heater in Jeremy’s home to make the murder of Jeremy’s parents seem like an accident failed. The police took Jeremy into custody anyhow because he has a history of suspicious activity on account of his power. H.R.G. works to have him released by the sheriff refuses, saying he’ll only release the boy once his investigation is done and even then, only to the next of kin. H.R.G. puts in a call to his new friend Tracy Strauss, who comes to town posing as Jeremy’s aunt. That isn't even enough to get him released once the sheriff finds Jeremy’s backpack and notebooks full of writings about death and learns from other kids in town about Jeremy’s habit of killing animals. Tracy is forced to call in a favor from a high-ranking political friend to secure Jeremy’s release, but as her phone call ends, she’s confronted on the street by Samuel Sullivan. Samuel does his magic trick of somehow bringing his carnival of misfits to anyone, anywhere at any time and Tracy instantly finds herself walking around the Sullivan Bros. Carnival. Samuel pleads with her to bring Jeremy there and even to come join “the family herself.” It’s where they belong, he insists. Tracy isn't convinced and demands to go back, although some of Samuel’s words do seem to rattle her. He calls over Lydia to show her back to Cainan, but not before giving her the same spinning compass we saw him send Edgar to retrieve earlier this season. It will help her find her way back, he promises, as she’s been feeling lost of late. Back in Cainan, Tracy’s favor comes through and Jeremy is set to be released. H.R.G. and Tracy explain that he will move to Washington, D.C., live just down the hall from H.R.G. and have a new identity: Jared Mitchell. The plan stays intact for about five minutes. On the way out of the police station, a throng of cameras are waiting to get in Jeremy’s face and an angry man rushes up to him, telling him that he’s getting away with murder. Unable to control his power amidst all the chaos, Jeremy loses it and the man dies while grabbing him as the power to take life wins out over Jeremy’s power to heal. H.R.G yells that he can still fix it by healing the man, but shell-shocked Jeremy retreats back into the prison under the orders of the sheriff. He doesn’t last long there, as one of the sheriff’s deputies decides to take justice into his own hands. He kidnaps Jeremy, takes him out to a back street and after begging the boy to give him a reason to shoot him, the deputy instead ties him to a chain linked to the back of a pickup truck. One of the deputy’s friends speeds off, dragging Jeremy through the streets until he dies. Tracy and H.R.G. finds him the next morning, dead and mutilated in the middle of the street. A distraught Tracy laments how the situation went from her simply coming to sign Jeremy out of police custody and ended with his death. H.R.G. admits that he was wrong and that he failed Jeremy. Tracy is heartbroken, having forged a bond with Jeremy, and demands that H.R.G. never call her again. She asks H.R.G. if he believes that people with powers can still live freely and safely in the world and he admits that after today, he doesn’t. She gets into her car, pulls out Samuel’s compass and when it stops spinning and points in one direction, she begins to follow it. The third storyline of the episode centers on Matt Parkman and his battle to get Sylar out of his mind, where the über-bad guy still resides because Parkman used his mind control powers to force Nathan Petrelli’s memories and mind into Sylar’s body. Sylar continues to haunt Parkman and has even shown that he can assume control of Parkman’s body. In fact, he does so one night and controls Parkman’s body as he has sex with Janice, Matt’s wife. When it becomes clear that he’s not in control of his own body, Parkman sends Janice and their infant son away so he can figure out how to get rid of Sylar once and for all. Once Janice leaves, Matt calls Mohinder Suresh (finally), but that’s the extent of Mohinder’s involvement in the episode. We don’t see him on camera and the call goes straight to voicemail. Left to his own devices, Parkman stumbles upon a possible solution while downing a beer. He notices that with each sip, Sylar winces and is in more discomfort. Somehow, his getting drunk weakens Sylar and so Parkman pounds beers, shots and wine until a) he’s totally trashed and b) Sylar is weakened to the point where he literally begins to fade away. One final swill of wine makes him disappear completely and Parkman thinks he’s won. To his surprise, Janice is back and she’s brought a friend – one of his friends from the police force and the departmental support group he’s been attending as he has tried to stay “sober” from using his powers. Janice and this guy show up, but Parkman passes out as soon as they arrive. When he awakes, his friend from the sobriety group hands him a sobriety chip and tells him that he can start new from here, one day at a time. Parkman excuses himself to shower, but as he walks around the corner he turns into Sylar In the next room, Sylar/Parkman runs into the actual Parkman, whose body he has now taken over. Sylar explains that he’s now in control and he’s the one making the rules. With a diabolical laugh, he laws down the law. The episode ends back in Cainan, where Samuel has returned with one thought on his mind: revenge. He waits in the street outside the police station and once the deputy who killed Jeremy walks inside, Samuel uses his power to control the earth to collapse the entire police station, killing everyone inside. As the building crumbles, he turns and walks away from the hurricane of debris behind him, a look of purpose etched on his face. So that’s it until next time…………

- Prepare for health care in a tent, Nebraskans. With the flu and swine flu raging across the country, people are flocking to their local hospitals and health care providers at the slightest hint that they might be the tiniest bit sick. Never mind that you’ve had the flu a half dozen times in your life and felt exactly like you feel now; dammit, this is serious! Problem is, our nation’s health care system is not fully equipped to handle that sort of widespread panic. For an illustration of that, look no further than Nebraska, where hospitals are considering putting up tents to handle the swell of patents and urging anyone who feels flu-like symptoms but is not having complications or isn't part of a high-risk group to just stay home. "A test won't help them," said Lori Snyder-Sloan of Sloan/St. Elizabeth Medical Center. "They probably won't get medication unless they're in a high-risk group anyway. So there's no real advantage to coming to the hospital." Lt. Gov. Rick Sheehy insists that hospital bed space is currently plentiful and the idea of tents or trailers is just a contingency. Not if your citizens continue to act like a bunch of fear-ridden hypochondriacs, Lt. Gov. Sheehy. Just listen to Cheryl Rourke of Bryan LGH East. "On average, (we see) anywhere from 30 to 60 additional patients a day," Rourke said. City health officials in Lincoln are among those saying they could be forced to set up flu tents or special clinics, which would likely be provided by Lancaster County Emergency Management Office. The LCEMO has heated decontamination tents and trailers that could be set up in parking lots, which could isolate sick people from regular emergency room traffic and screen out patients who really need help. I see that idea and it has merit, but setting up tents and trailers could also have an added benefit: keeping people home. If they know that they’re going to have to go to a tent or trailer set up outside in the often-chilly Nebraska fall/winter weather, maybe people will examine their condition more closely and decide that perhaps they aren’t so sick after all. Way to show what a bunch of panicky, overreacting wusses you are, America…………

- In the month’s leading up to last summer’s Olympics, it was public knowledge that China has something in the neighborhood of three-fourths of the spots locked up on the list of the world’s 20 most polluted cities. There was talk of visiting athletes wearing surgical masks to protect themselves against the toxic, smog-riddled air. With the reality of their air-quality problem still looming over them both literally and figuratively, the Chinese are going to work to clean up their air. They are taking these steps largely because of concerns that climate change could worsen the flooding that plagues the country's low-lying coastal regions, including Shanghai, and cause water shortages in western areas as glaciers in the Himalayas melt away. There are also economic benefits to be had, so of course a government is going to look to capitalize on those. China now views energy efficiency and renewable energy as ingredients for the type of modern economy it wants to build, in part because it would make the nation's energy sources more secure. "We think this is a new business for us, not a burden," said Gan Zhongxue, who left a job in the U.S. to head up research and development at ENN Group, the Langfang company that made its fortune as the primary natural gas distributor in 80 Chinese cities. At its sparkly new research center outside Beijing, about 250 engineers and researchers from the ENN Group are hard at work on a compound that includes a massive greenhouse, dozens of solar panels and chunks of earth, carved out of Inner Mongolia, that have been trucked (not exactly the most enviro-friendly endeavor, seems like harming the environment in order to find a way to help it) in to test for new methods of gasifying coal underground. All of this is well and good, but if I could speak to the Chinese government for a moment, just mano a government, I’d say this: How about getting around to imposing a ceiling on your emissions of the gases that most scientists blame for climate change? After all, you do produce the most carbon emissions in the world. China has some notable advantages in this quest, as on average, a Chinese person emits one-fifth as much greenhouse gas as an American. Also, the majority of Chinese don’t own cars and that gives them another leg up on more advanced countries. So far, the Chinese government has taken a few promising steps in its quest to stop f***ing over the environment, including the removal of subsidies for motor fuel and establishing a fuel-efficiency standard of 36.7 miles per gallon for new urban vehicles, a level the United States will not reach for seven years. It will certainly take a lot of work and a long time to make up for the incredible depth of damage that the Chinese have done over the years, but at least now they appear to give a crap. That’s a good start and a nice change……….

- It was inevitable. Any time Facebook or any social networking site with more than two users makes a change to its layout or format, you can bank on a certain segment of the user base reacting with outrage and anger to the changes. It happened last fall when Facebook changed its entire site design and for weeks on end, users created Facebook groups (using the medium you are hating on to organize against the same medium, that’s rich) denouncing the new Facebook and demanding that Mark Zuckerberg and Co. give them their old Facebook back. Now it’s happened again after Facebook launched a new version of its news feed on Friday, prompting the same sort of incensed reaction from users. For the uninitiated, the news feed is on the home page that Facebook users see when they first log into the site. The new design features a toggle view between a main view, featuring the top stories from their friends list based on their Facebooking habits, and a "live feed" featuring real-time updates from the whole network. "When the user wakes up in the morning, you go to Facebook and you see [the] news feed," product manager Peter Deng explained. "You see the stuff that you missed, the best of the previous day, to basically catch you up on what your friends have been up to." The revisions continue on efforts that began this spring, when Facebook tried to gravy train Twitter’s streaming setup by converting its home page news feed into a feed of live updates and relegated "highlights" to a small column on the right side of the page. The response was loud and hostile from users and Deng seems to believe that the new design will appease Facebook fans because it “responds to a lot of feedback along the way." Based on what I’ve seen so far……that’s not true. People hate these changes just as much as they’ve hated previous changes, no question about it. Facebook groups are being formed, status updates are being used to denounce the new live feed and I have yet to see a single message from anyone who likes it. In the new live feed, birthday and event alerts are more prominent, and stories that stopped appearing when Facebook launched the stream-inspired feed in the spring - relationship status news, photos added and tagged, etc. – are back. But fear not, Facebook users who want the look of your old home page back. To return to the way things used to be, simply click on the “More” link on the menu at the upper left of your home page, drag “Status Updates” to the top of the list and click on it. You’ll be back to your old home page appearance in no time and you can forget all about this ugly incident….until the next ill-advised Facebook overhaul, that is…………

Riot Watch! enviro-edition, a nightmare World Series on tap and evidence that deer hate Chinese food

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Okay, so it wasn’t exactly a riot and not even a violent protest, but it’s still impressive that thousands of people around the world joined forces Saturday to stage a string of demonstrations to call for urgent action on climate change. A group called 350.org organized the events, which took place at wide-ranging locations including the Great Barrier Reef in Australia, a snow-covered slope in Wanaka, New Zealand and banner atop Vinson Massif, the tallest mountain in Antarctica. The group’s name refers to the parts per million of carbon dioxide it considers the safe upper limit for our atmosphere. The stated mission for 350.org is to "inspire the world to rise to the challenge of the climate crisis" and specifically to do so ahead of the United Nations climate change conference in December. That’s why divers, skiers, snowboarders and hikers around the world were seeking out exotic and highly visible locations from which to proclaim their message. Whether it was Zimbabwe, Bermuda or Guatemala, the battle cry was the same: Address climate change now. All told, more than 5,400 rallies and demonstrations were scheduled to take place around the world. "We had no idea we would get the overwhelming support, enthusiasm and engagement from all over the world that we're seeing," said Bill McKibben, founder of 350.org. "It shows just how scared of global warming much of the planet really is, and how fed up at the inaction of our leaders." McKibben got the idea for 350.org from the number of 350 ppm from a NASA research team headed by American climate scientist James Hansen, which concluded that atmosphere containing carbon dioxide above 350 ppm couldn't support life on earth as we know it. "It's a very tough number," McKibben said. "We're already well past it -- the atmosphere holds 390 ppm today, which is why the Arctic is melting and the ocean steadily acidifying. To get back to the safe level we need a very rapid halt to the use of coal, gas and oil so that forests and oceans can absorb some of that carbon." Other members of the 350.org movement are Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Bianca Jagger and David Suzuki. Maldives President Mohammed Nasheed, who is also part of the movement, joined Saturday’s goings-on as part of his campaign to save his own country from rising seas that are threatening to submerge the Maldives for good. "If we cannot save 350,000 Maldivians from rising seas today, we cannot save the millions in New York or Mumbai tomorrow," he said in a recorded statement released by 350.org. "Climate change is happening, and it is happening faster and with greater severity than previously thought." Agreed and agreed. Now let’s see if we can’t put our best efforts toward finding a real solution…………

- So apparently deer aren’t big fans of Chinese food. Well, at least the deer in Middletown, Pa. aren’t, because one of their own trashed the inside of the New China restaurant early Tuesday. A handwritten note by property manager Tom Germak on the damaged restaurant’s front door explained that it was closed because of "deer damage." Some time early in the morning, an angry, Chinese-food-hating buck crashed through the restaurant’s front window, cutting itself in the process but managing to overturn several tables, spill some blood on the floor and walls, damage a computer and destroy several other valuables in the process. Germak seems to think that the incident wasn’t an example of angry deer hating on Chinese food, but rather an accident attributable to the deer, a four-point buck, seeing its reflection in the window, thinking it was another male and charging. Because it’s mating season for deer, Germak (erroneously) thinks the restaurant-wrecking buck felt the “other” deer was a threat to his territory. "Well this has happened a number of times before in this area," Germak said. "It happens quite frequently. And when he got in, he cut himself severely and ran throughout the building, trying to find a way out." At first, the owners of the restaurant believed that someone broke into New China to rob the place. "I don't know how to describe it actually," said Jianan Cao. "It's just a mess." The deer involved in the incident was injured so severely the local animal control officers had to put it down once they found it. So I suppose we’ll never know what really happened at the New China restaurant in Middletown, whether it was one angry deer raging back at the system or simply a case of mistaken identity gone awry…………

- The phenomenon that is "Paranormal Activity” continued its charge toward the top of the box office heap this weekend, scaring up $22 million in its first weekend with a full wide release to earn the top spot for the weekend. Capping its first month in style, the sci-fi thriller won the weekend with its modest total and pushed its cumulative total $62.5 million despite being made on a five-figure budget. Plus, you have to figure that with Halloween weekend coming up, plenty of people will be eager to see a spooky, scary film and that momentum could push “Paranormal” past the $100 million barrier. Another scary movie, "Saw VI," was second with $14.8 million and the worst opening in the 'Saw' franchise's history - just half the $30 million that “Saw V” opened to one year ago. Maybe this is just me, but could the “Saw” franchise be tired, played out an in need of a retirement ASAP? Close behind was the love it/hate it phenomenon that is "Where the Wild Things Are," which pulled in an estimated $14.4 million in its second weekend for third place. Because that’s a 56 percent drop from its debut weekend, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that at this point, the haters are outnumbering the lovers. Gerard Butler’s “Law Abiding Citizen” was fourth with $12.7 million, while the first non-serious, non-torture-porn movie on the list was “Couples Retreat” at No. 5 with $11.1 million. The most noteworthy flop was unquestionably t sci-fi animated film "Astro Boy," which bombed out with $7 million and a sixth place finish. “The Stepfather” saw a 43.9 percent drop in its earnings and finished seventh with $6.5 million, followed by another disappointing newcomer, "Cirque du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant,” which made just $6.3 million for eighth place. Wrapping up the top 10 were “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs ($5.6 million) and “Zombieland” ($4.3 million). Ending up just outside the top 10 and No. 11 was the critically ripped, universally loathed "Amelia" with a mere $4 million in 818 theaters. Overall, box office revenues were down 10 percent from last year, when the train wreck known as "High School Musical 3" was the source of cinematic pain for parents nationwide……….

- Glad we got that over with. As a big baseball fan, there is nothing I hate more than seeing the New York Yankees or Boston Red Sox win a series. The fact that the Yanks won the American League Championship Series over the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim in Orange County North of San Diego is bad enough, but of course weather had to intervene and rain out Game 6 on Saturday night, dragging out the agony of the inevitable Angels’ series loss for another day. The Yankees cashed in (and never has the phrase “cashed in” been more appropriate than when speaking about the Yankees) on their second chance to close out the series with a 5-2 win at Yankee Stadium tonight. Thanks to their high-priced talent and the strong pitching of veteran and longtime Yankee Andy Pettite, the Bronx Bombers base-hit their way to the win against Anaheim starter Joe Saunders. Now it’s on to a Yankees-Phillies World Series, which is of course a nightmare scenario for anyone who doesn’t enjoy baseball being played in freezing temperatures and postponements on account of snow. Both L.A. teams were in their respective LCS, but the Dodgers were pounded into dust by the mighty bats of the Phillies, losing in five games, and now the Angels have succumbed to the conglomerate of all-stars that is the New York Yankees. The World Series could be particularly agonizing for Cleveland Indians fans, who will likely be cursing and throwing anything they can find at their television sets when former Indian CC Sabathia starts Game 1 for the Yankees against former Indian Cliff Lee, who will start the game for Philadelphia. The Indians traded Sabathia to Milwaukee last year when he was the reigning Cy Young winner in the American League before he ultimately whored himself out for the biggest possible contract and signed with the Yankees following the 2008 season. Lee was also the reigning AL Cy Young when the Indians got raped in a trade with the Phillies in July. So it will be a painful World Series on several fronts and I will be hoping for a four-game sweep, preferably by the Phillies…………

- How would you feel about a naked, gay barn dance party across the street from your home and in plain view of your family and any neighborhood kids out and about? That’s a question Monty Stanley of Wilton, Calif. had to answer Saturday. Stanley spotted a party raging in a field across the street from his home that will soon be full of Christmas trees. The party was thrown by a group called The Capitol Crossroads Gay Rodeo Association and it featured a dance contest in which contestants' names were called out as men's bare butts and frontal regions are exposed. "They were dancing under the stars," said Stanley. "You can't have man on man, woman on woman, men on women; you can't subject these children to looking at that kind of stuff." Making matters worse, Stanley’s children had friends staying the night at his home while the dance took place and those poor kids had to see a bunch of pervy freaks ditching their clothes and getting their drunken dance on in public, more or less. "I was sickened by seeing men on public display there...in clear view of children," said Stanley. The problem for Stanley is that The Capitol Crossroads Gay Rodeo Association had a legal permit for the event. The Sacramento County Sheriff's department is aware of what took place, but the department says it is not yet sure if this is a case of public indecent exposure. Star Weubbe owns the property where the freak fest took place, says she didn't know naked dancing would be involved. "That was something that I certainly would not have permitted," Weubbe said. The bottom line here is that Monty Stanley may not get legal satisfaction for his troubles, but I’ll suggest a different tactic for him: selling the video for profit. Find some freaky porn production company or Web site, sell them the video and at least try to make a buck off of it. That’s the least you can do for yourself after subjecting your retinas to….well, to the sights of The Capitol Crossroads Gay Rodeo Association doing what they do………

A "stunning" problem with Windows 7, racism lives at Ole Miss and college football thoughts

- This college football Saturday did not get off to a spectacular start. But that’ll happen when the snooze-fest that is the Big Ten provides most of the big-name teams playing in the games with a noon kickoff. With barn-burners like Indiana-Northwestern, Ohio State-Minnesota and Purdue-Illinois leading the way, I damn near fell asleep watching the first round of games. Literally no ranked teams lost and the games weren’t all that exciting. The most intense scene was clearly in Morgantown, W. Va., where the host West Virginia Mountaineers hosted a Connecticut team that had suffered the incredibly difficult loss of teammate Jasper Howard after he was stabbed and killed at a school dance last Saturday night. West Virginia did all sorts of things – a fan-signed banner of support in UConn’s entrance tunnel to the field, stickers on their helmets, ribbons passed out to fans coming through the gates – to support UConn and it was definitely a moving scene. The Huskies played with emotion but were unable to cash in a late-game drive into West Virginia territory and lost a tough 28-24 decision. The excitement level of games ratcheted up a few notches in the second wave of games, with Clemson going on the road and stunning No. 10 Miami in overtime, 40-37. A touchdown pass ended the game for the Tigers after Miami could only manage a field goal in its lone OT possession. Likewise, No. 16 Utah needed overtime to win against scrappy Air Force, 23-16. The Eagles went for it on fourth down twice on overtime, but the Utes were able to stop then when it mattered and get the win. Another noteworthy performance on the day came from Bowling Green receiver Freddie Barnes, who caught 14 passes for 172 yards and his team’s lone touchdown in a 24-10 loss to Central Michigan. In his last three games, Barnes has 46 receptions for 610 yards and seven touchdowns – in the last three games! That’s a great season for most receivers and this guy has done it in one quarter of the season. A matchup of so-called BCS busters fizzled out in Provo, Utah, where the eighth-ranked TCU Horned Frogs came into town and thumped the Stormin’ Mormons, i.e. the BYU Cougars, by a 38-7 margin to keep their slim national title hopes alive. Sadly, Iowa was able to do the same in a typical butt-ugly Big Ten game, scoring on literally the last play of the game, a seven-yard touchdown pass from Ricky Stanzi to Marvin McNutt for a 15-13 win over Michigan State less than a minute and a half after the Spartans drove 60 yards for the go-ahead touchdown. But for all the SEC honks who like to “be-downgrade” the Big Ten for its ugly style of play…..that Tennessee-Alabama game was no better. Alabama beat a mediocre UT team with no offense whatsoever and did so on the strength of four Leigh Tiffin field goals and two blocked field goals by mountainous defensive tackle Terrence Cody, 12-10. If Alabama is supposed to be one of the SEC’s elite…..color me unimpressed. In the last round of games for the day, both No. 1 Florida and No. 4 USC were pushed but hung on for wins. Florida was tested by unranked Mississippi State and the Bulldogs hung around until the fourth quarter. when a fake field goal inside their own 30-yard-line did them in. The Bulldogs failed to convert the first down and a three-point deficit quickly expanded to nine when Florida took advantage of the short field and scored a touchdown to go up 22-13. They held on for an unimpressive 29-19 win, while USC lit up the scoreboard with Oregon State, the same Oregon State team that beat them to ruin the Trojans’ national championship hopes last season. This time around, USC held on for a 42-36 win in one of the day's most exciting games. All told, a day of games that started out dull but ended in exciting fashion.........

- Count Google in on the digital music revolution. This week, the popular search engine announced its plans to launch a music service. Not much is known about the service at this point, not even the name. "Google Music," "Google Audio," or "One Box” are all possible names, but the official moniker won't be announced until Wednesday. We do know that Google’s music enterprise will link out to two music services: Lala and iLike. Google will not technically be a music retailer itself, but will offer enhanced music search with a streaming. When you search for an artist or song, the new service will bring up a box with a streaming link randomly assigned to stream songs from either Lala or iLike. The official announcement of this new musical conglomerate will take place next Wednesday at Capital Records Music in Hollywood, California, with musical guests OneRepublic plus members of Linkin Park and Dead by Sunrise. Two out of three of those artists absolutely suck, so Google’s new “Whaever It’s Called” music service isn't off to a good start there. But fear not, there may actually be some good music options on this debacle, as Google's music search service will include music from all four major labels and indie content from iLike and Lala. Like iTunes, iLike currently streams some songs as 30-second samples, but unlike iTunes, it streams some others as full-length songs. The service also sells MP3s for the usual prices, while Lala allows registered users to stream complete songs and albums once, for free, after which point they can buy streaming songs 10 cents that can be credited to the purchase of the full download. What Google must explain is how it will integrate these services into its search interface. All of this comes as Google works hard to build the back-end for the majors' upcoming Vevo music video service and potentially prepares to release other search verticals, possibly including a travel booking service. In other words, Google is trying to take over the world and it’s up to us to stop them, so let’s make it happen………

- The Manhattan district attorney's office is really racking up the celebrity convictions on criminal possession of a weapon charges these days. They’ve already nailed former New York Giants receiver Plaxico Burress for toting an unlicensed gun into a Manhattan nightclub and shooting himself in the leg and now the DA’s office has rapper Lil Wayne in its sights. Lil Wayne, whose real name is Dwayne Carter, pleaded guilty Thursday to attempted criminal possession of a weapon. He is expected to receive a one-year jail sentence when he returns to court for sentencing in February. Had he not plead guilty now, his trial would have begun in January. Carter was indicted back in February 2008 (once again, the swiftness and expediency of the U.S. legal system at its finest) and he pleaded not guilty to a charge of criminal possession of a weapon. His high-priced attorneys went to work, got the charges reduced and thus the guilty plea to those reduced charges. The actual arrest occurred in July 2007, when Carter and another man were smoking the hippie lettuce on a street and the officers found a .40-caliber pistol in Carter's possession. Being as he was (allegedly) baked out of his mind, I’m guessing he wasn’t able to put up much of a front when the cops began questioning him. But being a rapper and having more tattoos than just about anyone in the industry, I’m guessing that a year in prison (possibly less with good behavior) will only boost Carter’s street cred and make him that much more popular when he gets out. And who knows, perhaps a year in the clink will give him plenty of ammo with which to craft another of his mediocre hip-hop beats. I can’t say that for certain, but I am sure of that fact that if you are a celebrity in any industry and you are going to be in the New York area, you’re going to want to leave your illegal firearms at home or you too will be heading to the pokey just like Messrs Burress and Carter………

- When adding profanity to your college’s fight song is considered an upgrade, I’m not sure that says anything good about you. This is the dilemma faced by the University of Mississippi, which has shortened one of its fight songs to discourage football fans from chanting "the South will rise again" during part of the song. In its place, the Ole Miss student government passed a resolution suggesting the chant be replaced by the phrase, "To hell with LSU." Solid move, one and all. But who isn't down with a chant that evokes memories of your state and region’s intolerant, embarrassing past of slavery, segregation and bigotry? The song in question, "From Dixie With Love," (and what’s not loving about a South that persecuted blacks and treated them like second-class citizens?) is played by the Ole Miss band before and after football games. Even after the school made a point of asking fans not to chant the offensive phrase at the end of the song, some fans of clung to their inner racist and continued to do so. Dan Jones, the Ole Miss chancellor, asked the school's band director, David Wilson, to modify the song to support the efforts of the Associated Student Body because he has received dozens of complaints from fans who feel the chant is offensive. "The fact is, the phrase 'The South Will Rise Again' is not part of our tradition or spirit, and it is inconsistent with the university's values and what Ole Miss stands for -- a great public university with a focus on the future," Jones said. But even with the modified version of the song, which ends abruptly before the chanting phase starts, some ignorant, racist fans in the crowd still broke out the chant when the song was played at Ole Miss's homecoming game against the University of Alabama. Representing those ignoramuses is Brian Ferguson, head of the Colonel Reb Foundation, an organization that works to preserve traditions at Ole Miss. He objects to the university’s actions and wishes to continue to insensitively offending black people. "I think it's a big to-do about nothing. There were very few people other than the students who knew to say it," said Ferguson. Just shut it, B. Your school has an incredibly bas history as a bastion of the Old South, fortified by the ugly scene that took place in 1962 when James Meredith's was admitted as the first black student and his presence led to a bloody standoff. Let go of the racist chant and just enjoy the football game, seeing as your team is actually good for once………

- Surprise, surprise. Microsoft has barely launched the latest version of its crap-tacular operating system and already we have a problem. In a shameless attempt to boost sales of Windows 7, Microsoft offered the electronic version of Windows 7 Home Edition to college students for $29. That’s still overpriced by about $141, but in spite of that, there are still a lot of stupid college students out there and so many of them jumped at the offer. However, when the stupid students bought their copy of the OS and attempted to install it, they ran into a serious issue. Turns out that the $29 electronic version of Windows 7 Home Edition sold for Microsoft through Digital River doesn't seem to install properly on some 32-bit Vista machines. In a mistake that you just had to expect from Microsoft, the download files weren't properly packaged and when some users tried to "unload the box" they got an error that read: "We are unable to create or save new files in the folder in which this application was downloaded." It took all of three hours after Windows 7’s release for a discussion thread about the problem to pop up on Microsoft Answers' Windows 7 install forum. By Saturday morning it had generated more than 500 replies and been read nearly 44,000 times. Faced with yet another f’up in its never-ending history of them, Microsoft owned up to the problem Thursday evening and by Friday was offering refunds. Quite a product you have there, Bill Gates and Steve Ballmer. Your “great new OS” is so bad and fault-riddled that you are forced to offer people their money back or else subject them to a five-step Download Squad workaround that is more complicated and convoluted than the operations manual for a NASA space shuttle. If only someone could have predicted these problems with Windows 7 and advised people to avoid it like the plague…..oh wait, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. Guess it just goes to show that listening to me is always a good move for you…………

Recapping Smallville, doubting Iran's sincerity and when zonkeys attack

- Gambling was the name of the game on tonight’s Smallville, but when it’s your life on the line, gambling isn’t as much fun. Oliver Queen found that out the hard way when he was out on the town for a night of drinking and gambling. When a beautiful Asian-American girl in a red dress and sporting a huge dragon tattoo on her left shoulder blade approached him, Ollie figured his night was about to take a turn for the better. The lady in red had a proposition for him, but not the one Oliver was expecting. She had a modified version of the shell game, rotating three metal cups in circles around one another and asking Ollie to choose one. He picks the middle cup and underneath it is a red pill. Having been pegged by his new friend as someone who is looking for a new type of challenge and figuring he’s so low in life that he has nothing to lose, Oliver downs the pill. Almost immediately he begins to stagger around, his vision blurs and he collapses face-down in an alley outside the club. As he loses consciousness, he sees the girl in red standing over him, not saying a word. The next thing Oliver knows, he’s waking up Kill Bill-style inside a coffin, buried alive with only a flashlight. He shines the flashlight on the lid of the coffin and sees the words “GAME OVER” scrawled in red. Knowing that his oxygen will run out soon, Oliver chooses not to channel his inner Beatrix Kiddo and instead takes a wire from inside the flashlight, then uses it to break the hinges on the inside of the coffin and open the lid. He hops out of the coffin and finds himself – where else – in an abandoned warehouse. Located a few yards away is another coffin and the sounds of a man screaming and pleading for help ring out through the empty building. Oliver rushes over to the coffin and finds a name plate on the outside for none other than Lex Luthor, who he supposedly murdered. Breaking the lock on the second coffin, Oliver rips it open but inside he finds only a set of speakers – the source of the screaming. A voice from above informs him that he’s playing some sort of game and that it can end if he says the safe word. Having not bothered to ask what the safe word is, Ollie is at a loss. The mysterious voice informs him that since he doesn’t know the rules, the game will go on. Asked if he’s had his rabies shot, Oliver then must deal with a rabid dog that comes bursting through the nearest window. The only place to run is out that same broken window and Oliver seizes the chance. Outside the warehouse, he finds an abandoned car with its rear passenger-side door open. He dives inside just in time, but the angry dog soon proves to be the least of his concerns. The doors of the car all lock, leaving him inside as a speeding truck comes hurtling toward the car, smashing into it with Oliver still inside. That turns his lights out for the time being and Oliver isn't up and going until the next morning. In the meantime, Oliver’s absence on his own birthday has rattled Lois Lane, who has taken up refuge at the Kent Farm for solace. Clark arrives home and finds Lois waiting for him with a stack of movies and a declaration that they are having a movie night. She also came to do laundry, but Clark smells a rat and asks Lois why she’s really there – in between super-speed sprints from the room to save people in danger around Metropolis. Lois confesses that she and Oliver have always hung out and played beer pong on his birthday, but he’s AWOL and she’s worried about him. Clark tells her that everything is fine, but Lois isn't convinced. She drags Clark to Oliver’s apartment when Ollie doesn’t answer his phone and the apartment is completely empty. Never one to take no for an answer, Lois hacks into Oliver’s computer and dredges up any information she can find. The most recent item on his desktop is the video from last episode’s incident at the Ace of Clubs in which the Toy Man attempted to blow up Oliver with a bomb and expose him as a lying, murderous fraud. When Lois sees Oliver step off the pressure plate supposedly linked to the bomb and realizes that when he did so, he didn’t know that the bomb had been diffused (actually, it wasn’t real at all, but Lois doesn’t know that), she’s stunned. Realizing that Oliver was basically trying to kill himself, Lois is horrified. When the video shows Clark stepping into the picture, she’s furious that he knew about what Oliver did and not only did he not tell her, he lied and said everything was fine. From that point, Clark and Lois head in two different directions. Lois continues searching for Oliver on her own while Clark pursues a lead he found in the apartment. That lead is a napkin from a place called Roulette, so he starts hi search there. Meanwhile, Oliver is waking up from the crash-bang-boom ending to the night, finding himself on the pavement beside the car he was formerly locked inside. He scrapes himself from the pavement and scurries over to a pay phone, which he tries to use to call Chloe for help. The voice on the other end pretends to be an operator at first, but then speaks directly to Oliver, taunting him, “You didn’t think it would be that easy, did you?” It’s then that Oliver encounters the girl in red from the previous night and she tells him they need to run. Off they go, sprinting down the street. Oliver stops at an intersection and demands some answers. First, he asks the girl her name and she says it’s Victoria. He then asks her what the game they’re playing is. Victoria explains there her employers tell her who to bring into their game and she doesn’t ask questions if she wants to stay alive. Staying alive becomes the challenge of the present when a shot rings out and shatters the glass of a nearby phone booth. Oliver and Victoria take off running again, but the shooting continues and she’s hit. As she lays dying in the middle of the street, Oliver tries to help her but instead ends up covered in blood next to a dying woman as a police car speeds onto the scene. The cops want none of his excuses and instead Taster Oliver before taking him into custody. When he wakes up for the second time on the day, Oliver is being questioned by one of the officers who arrested him. In mid-accusation, the officer is interrupted by a man in a suit who says he’s from the FBI. The case is now a federal matter and the FBI man tells Oliver that he believes his story. The game he’s caught up in is run by a fraud ring that pulls in rich individuals and drains their bank accounts while they are caught up in the game. The FBI agent places a laptop on the table and suggests that Oliver check his accounts immediately. Stupidly, Oliver buys the story and logs on to access his accounts, finding that everything is intact. The FBI agent congratulates him on his good fortune and says he needs only to sign a few forms before he can leave. But once the agent leaves the room, the door locks behind him and the numbers on the screen showing Oliver’s bank balance begin to decline in rapid fashion. The balance drops to zero as a frantic Oliver can only watch. His screams don’t change what’s on the screen, but they do catch the super-hearing ear of Clark, who is in the area looking for him. Clark blows through the walls of the warehouse, rescues Oliver and takes him to Watchtower, Chloe’s apartment/lair. CK asks her to help investigate the scam that ripped Oliver off and Oliver asks Chloe for his arsenal of weapons and gadgets back after leaving them behind when he went AWOL following Jimmy Olsen’s death. Chloe is quickly able to put the names Victoria and Roulette together and determine that Victoria and Roulette are one in the same; a scam artist who preys on the wealthy. Lois is also busy with Roulette, although her encounter comes inadvertently. While searching for Oliver’s car with the help of GPS, she tracks down the yellow Lamborghini on a city street but is immediately confronted by Victoria, who insists that the car was a gift from Oliver. A kick-ass chick fight breaks out and Lois holds her own – until Victoria pulls a gun and takes her hostage. Lois ends up going back to the same club where Oliver was the previous night and is nearly shot by none other than Oliver when he shows up looking for Victoria. She has smartly dressed Lois in her outfit from the previous night and faced her away from the door so that Ollie will have a case of mistaken identity when he shows up looking for revenge. That nearly happens, but Oliver doesn’t pull the trigger and a furious Victoria threatens to finish the job. Another fight breaks out and it ends with Lois held hostage again by Victoria, who then threatens to torch the entire building with her lighter, having already doused it with gasoline. She then escapes as Oliver tends to the fallen Lois, but an explosion rips through the next room and Oliver runs over to find Victoria pinned beneath a tall shelf as flames engulf the room. He tries to free her even though she’s done nothing but torment him and she asks why. When Oliver explains that he isn't willing to let her die, she extricates herself from under the shelf and stands up as all of the flames mysteriously cease. It turns out that none of the danger Oliver has found himself in has been real and Victoria explains that she’s merely been trying to reconnect him with his heroic nature. As he looks into a wall of mirrors that pop up in front of him, Oliver looks at himself and realizes she’s telling the truth. After his ordeal ends, it doesn’t take Oliver long to realize who was behind his impromptu adventure. He tracks Chloe down at a café in downtown Metropolis and she admits that she was responsible for the “game” that he’d just gone through. She did it to show him that he needed to stop running from himself and drinking his life away and surprisingly, Oliver agreed. By episode’s end, he was back on a rooftop downtown in his Green Arrow gear, side-by-side with Clark overlooking the city and vowing to defend it together. Oliver also mended fences with Lois, playing their traditional birthday beer pong after she reminded him that she will always be there for him. For all his part in Oliver’s ordeal, Clark remains in the dark that it was Chloe who was behind it all. But the end of the episode, Clark and Chloe also discover something alarming in the video from the Ace of Clubs. Clark recognizes a woman in the crowd as the Kryptonian assassin who returned with Lois from her trip to the future and tried to kill both Lois and Clark before he killed her at the Kent Barn. How the woman is still alive in the future is unexplainable. For help, Clark goes to the Fortress of Solitude to ask Jor-El and he recognizes her as Aaliyah, a Kandorian. That’s news to Clark and Chloe, who both assumed Kandor was destroyed along with Krypton. But if Aaliyah is on Earth, other Kandorians could be too and they would have left their symbols on the ground wherever they landed. Using an algorithm to cross-reference Kryptonian symbols with satellite images from the past few months, Chloe unearths literally dozens of such symbols around the world. These would of course be Zod and his army, but Clark and Chloe don’t know that yet. That’s all for this week, so until next time………….

- Beware the zonkey. The zonkey is the mythical beast created by cross-breeding a zebra and a donkey, but for James Oleson of Brooksville, Fla., the zonkey is the angry animal that ruined his day on Monday. Oleson was attacked by the half-zebra, half-donkey at Boyett Groves, a small attraction with exotic animals for tourists to see up close. He was minding his own business, painting a perimeter fence near the zonkey’s enclosure when the animal put its head underneath the fence and began to bite his feet. After being knocked to the ground by the commando attack, Oleson was able to get away from the angry zonkey with the help of his mother and without suffering anything worse than multiple numerous bite marks on his lower legs. No word on whether Hernando County Sheriff's deputies plan to charge the zonkey with anything, but hopefully Oleson and the animal can make peace. As a quick word of advice to any other zonkeys out there, allow me to say this: You’re a fairly new creature and as such, people don’t really have a strong opinion of you one way or the other. Attacking humans is going to get you branded as a malcontent and troublemaker of the animal kingdom in short order. So rein in that impulse to bite and/or attack fence painters and maintenance workers of all sorts an just cultivate the cute, unique hybrid animal image that you have going for you. That’s my advice, for what it’s worth…………

- Never mind the fact that the citizens of Southern California don’t seem to give a rat’s ass about getting an NFL team in Los Angeles; the state’s political leaders are hell-bent on putting a team back in the nation’s second-largest media market and that’s that. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger said Thursday he had signed a bill allowing the construction of a 75,000-seat stadium that developers hope will lure an NFL team back to the Los Angeles area. Take a minute and realize how jacked up that line of reasoning is. This isn't spending hundreds of millions of dollars on a new stadium for a team that already resides in your city in order to keep them from leaving town. This is BUILDING A STADIUM FOR A TEAM YOU DO NOT HAVE and are merely hoping to lure by building that stadium. In a state dealing with one of the worst budget crises in the nation, how the hell can you justify that expenditure? Worse still, the Gover-nator actually signed the environmental exemption bill last week but saved the announcement for a press conference in Industry, where the stadium would be built about 15 miles east of Los Angeles. How awesome is it that the political leader of the state sat on news that he was going to financially dick over his constituents for an entire week? The only bold souls who have stepped up to oppose this absurd idea so far have been by residents in nearby Walnut, who filed a lawsuit over the project's environmental impact. The Gover-nator called the lawsuit frivolous as he addressed a crowd of union members wearing hardhats. As he spoke, a dozen protesters across the street demonstrated with signs saying "No Stadium." Yet there was Ah-nold, trying to sell everyone a load of sh*t about how great the stadium would be. "This is the best kind of action state government can create -- action that cuts red tape, generates jobs, is environmentally friendly and brings a continued economic boost to California," Schwarzenegger said. Whatever you say, Gover-nator. But what happens if you can’t lure the Buffalo Bills, Jacksonville Jaguars, Minnesota Vikings, St. Louis Rams, San Diego Chargers, Oakland Raiders or San Francisco 49ers to your new stadium? Those teams are the most likely candidates to move, but what if they don’t? It’s not as if the denizens of Los Angeles have been crying out for their own NFL team once again. They are perfectly content to kick back and watch the best games on TV every Sunday afternoon. Besides, SoCal is a bunch of transplants and people with no ties to the area, so having a team of their own isn't really something they want or need. If they’re football fans, then they have a team of their own back where they came from. Majestic Realty Co. is heading the stadium project and identified the seven teams I just mentioned on the basis that they are currently in stadiums that are either too small or can't be updated with luxury box seats or other revenue sources an NFL club needs to thrive. Of course, Schwarzenegger based his push for the stadium on the grounds that it would generate more than 18,000 jobs. How realistic that figure is, I don’t know. What I do know is that 18,000 jobs doesn’t mean 18,000 full-time, self-sustaining jobs for people in need. The bottom line is that for a state in financial turmoil, there are simply too many better ways to spend money than on a stadium that is neither wanted nor needed……….

- Everyone, it’s time to applaud Iran for being so frickin’ manganimous! Yes, those nuclear-happy tools from the Middle East have made the very generous decision to accept a draft agreement that calls for some uranium produced in Iran to be sent abroad for further enrichment. "In principle we have in fact accepted this offer for this Tehran ... reactor in spite of the fact that we are capable of producing the fuel," said Ali Asghar Soltanieh, an Iranian diplomat. "But we decided to welcome this offer in order not only to show our transparency and cooperation but prove that all activities are for exclusively peaceful purposes." Soltanieh is Iran's ambassador to the United Nations' nuclear watchdog, the International Atomic Energy Agency. The concession from Iran comes after three days of discussions at the IAEA's headquarters with representatives from the U.N., Russia, and the United States. Soltanieh explained that the agreement basically summarizes what the group discussed during their meeting and it must now be approved by all of the governments involved in the process. IAEA chief Mohamed ElBaradei threw down an ultimatum of Friday for the countries to say whether they will sign the agreement. No one is giving up the specific details of the agreement, but Soltanieh was quick to paint it as a majorly munificent gesture on his nation’s behalf. But in spite of the deal, he was also adamant that Iran plans to continue its uranium enrichment program at its Bushehr nuclear power plant. The origins of this agreement can actually be traced to early October, when the involved parties talked and agreed that low-enriched uranium produced in Iran would be sent abroad for further enrichment and then returned for use in medical research and treatment. I suppose their hopes in allowing someone else – can you say Russia? – to refine their nuclear material is so they can trumpet the process to the world as evidence that they’re not actually looking to develop a freaking ginormous nuclear bomb to blow the living sh*t out of Israel. Color me cynical, but to paraphrase Ron Burgundy, “I still don’t believe you.” Sorry Iran, but I’m going to go ahead and side with those who continue to believe that you are pursuing nuclear weapons capabilities…………..

- There are always so many stories of government employees faking injuries in order to get disability payments while they go on living healthy, un-injured lives that I often bypass the chance to comment on them. It needs to be a particularly ass-hatted individual ripping off his city, town, village or state in order for me to be motivated to say something about it. So Boston firefighter Albert Arroyo, consider yourself special. Arroyo is one of two Boston firefighters charged with fraud by federal prosecutors for lying about his injuries in order to receive disability payments, but Arroyo’s story is much better than former firefighter James Famolare. Arroyo claimed he fell while walking in a fire station in Jamaica Plain and that that this fall left him totally and permanently disabled from the performance of his duties. He and Famolare both sought accidental disability retirement pensions. The problem with Mr. Arroyo is that while out on disability leave, he was caught bodybuilding. Yes, I said bodybuilding. "Arroyo failed to disclose his repeated visits to gyms where he trained for a May 2008 body building competition," federal prosecutors said in a statement. In other words, dude was cashing his disability checks and using them to pay for his gym membership, protein mix, weightlifting belt and tanning sessions so he could look like all of the other oiled-up, orange-skinned, freakishly muscled ‘roiders, er, weightlifters at whatever event he was preparing for. Just out of curiosity, but what was Arroyo thinking would happen if he won the competition? Did he not realize that someone might take his picture and possibly publish his name and story somewhere? Good forward thinking, A. Famolare falsely claiming he suffered a career-ending injury while moving a box of files looks brilliant by comparison. Also charged in Arroyo’s scam was Erika Boylan, a clerk in the Boston Fire Department. She was charged with perjuring herself and obstructing the grand jury investigation. Here’s hoping your conviction on the fraud charge is swift and your punishment is severe, Al, because Lord knows you are not smart enough or clever enough to deserve anything other than the maximum penalty allowable under the law……..

ESPN has the world's horniest baseball analysts, Riot Watch! in Mexico and Mark Cuban theoretically supports steroid usage

- Mark Cuban hasn’t said anything too nutty or controversial lately, so the bombastic Dallas Mavericks owner clearly felt it was time to put himself back on the map. Speaking at a University of Pittsburgh forum on Tuesday, Cuban theorized that steroids could have a legal and useful place in sports -- as long as they are administered under a doctor's supervision to help athletes recover from injuries and there's no risk of long-term health effects. "I'm not an expert in the subject, but if we get to the point where there aren't long-term negative health impacts, why wouldn't you do it?" Cuban said. "I'll get killed for saying this . . . but I'm not so against steroids if they're administered under proper supervision and there is no long-term damage. We do performance-enhancing things all the time, just not steroids," Cuban added. "If you administer them properly and fairly and set the rules strictly, as long as in doing so we recognize there are no negative long-term health-impact issues." That response came after Cuban was asked a question about Orlando Magic forward Rashard Lewis's 10-game suspension during last season's playoffs after testing positive for elevated testosterone levels. Contrary to what Cuban may think, I’m not here to rip him for his comment. He’s an extremely smart businessman, the NBA season is about to start and he’s managed to snag some attention for himself and his team. Furthermore, I disagree with his opinions on the subject, but in the end he’s entitled to it. The fact is that steroids do have a negative long-term impact on health and although the cheaters and their chemists are always looking to come up with the next miracle ‘roid to beat the drug tests, I don’t see them coming up with one that has no potential to do serious long-term damage to the health of users. Furthermore, the percentage of athletes who would use steroids only under the circumstances Cuban postulated would be incredibly small, even miniscule. Aside from Andy Pettite, who lied and said he only took HGH once in order to heal from an injury, get back on the field and help his teammates, not many athletes have offered that excuse when they tested positive. Heck, even Cuban doubled back after his panel appearance and clarified that he would support only the supervised use of steroids if they were proven to not have long-term health effects. "You have to get to the point where that risk isn't there, and we're not there yet," he said. Exactly. This discussion is so theoretical and hypothetical that it’s not worth making a big deal over. Cuban is right; there will be uproar over his words, but unjustifiably so. Take a step back, look at what the guy really said and just keep moving……….


- Barnes & Noble may not have been able to keep its new electronic reader device much of a secret, but the bookstore giant hopes that its new toy will be able to establish itself as a competitor for Amazon’s Kindle nonetheless. Early reaction to the Nook has been mostly positive, with the aesthetics of the $260 device receiving rave reviews. The Kindle doesn’t really have any strong competitors in the field of e-book readers, so perhaps the Nook will be that. Barnes & Noble leaked product details hours before the official Nook announcement on Pier 60 in Manhattan on Tuesday afternoon. "Simply following the leader is not in our DNA," said Barnes & Noble president William Lynch. The Nook and Kindle do differ in several ways, with the most notable being that the Nook comes with a feature called LendMe, which lets users borrow certain the same way readers have traditionally traded paper books. The Nook also features a color touch screen that allows you to navigate titles and enter search terms using a virtual keyboard that goes dark once you're reading. You can pre-order the Nook for $260 at Nook.com and it will ship in November. Another nice feature is that the Nook can read a user's PDFs, as well as the 1 million-plus books, magazines and newspapers available in Barnes & Noble's eBook store. The connection to the eBook store is a free 3G AT&T connection, but the Nook lacks a web browser "because those are clumsy" on eReaders, Lynch says. One issue I would have with the Nook, aside from not having a browser, is that while you can subscribe to RSS feeds from the internet, but the available RSS feeds are dictated by Barnes & Noble, which selects certain feeds to convert to ePub, then sends them out each morning for a fee that varies by publisher. Users may also have a beef with the battery life for the Nook, which spans only 10 days, while the Kindle’s battery lasts for 14. The Nook’s 2 GB hard drive is big enough to hold 1,500 books and a microSD slot that allows you add up to 16 GB more. There will also be the requisite selection of accoutrements and toys to trick out your Nook, things like designer cases and color-customizable back panel. The operating system for the Nook will be Android OS, which Lynch said "works really well for navigating on this small device." My initial feeling on this is that if I were looking to buy an e-book reader, I would sit out the first incarnation of the Nook, wait for the bugs to be worked out and see if the increased competition in the e-book reader field will drive down that $260 price tag……………


- Boy, hard to see how this dynamic pairing could possibly go wrong. That former American Karaoke karaoke-er, Adam Lambert, is releasing his forthcoming debut album "For Your Entertainment," on Nov. 23 and one of the songs on this surefire train wreck is with the living Halloween costume of pop music shi**iness that is Lady Gaga. I suppose the pairing of a gay dude and a chick who looks like a Vegas showgirl every time she appears in public is a decent fit, but that’s where the positives end. Like anyone who has ever appeared on AK, Lambert forfeited any musical credibility he ever had or ever may have had in the future. You set foot on the set of the world’s biggest karaoke contest an you bastardize every piece of music you ever touch. Mixing in a crappy, over-produced pop tart like Lay Gaga can only exacerbate the problem, so I’m expecting a nuclear bomb-like result here. Lambert will also have a song on the upcoming soundtrack to the film "2012." The song, "Time for Miracles," hit the internet this week in the form of the music video for the song. Lambert is also apparently trying to make himself seem edgy with longer hair and head-to-toe black attire, but it’s hard to be tough and edgy when your sole claim to fame is singing crappy karaoke renditions of crap-tacular pop songs as part of the world’s biggest karaoke contest. The revelation of his collaboration with the aforementioned freak show that is Lady Gaga was posted on Lambert’s Twitter page, and God help you if you are following this tool on Twitter. “I spent yesterday in the studio with the insanely talented and creative Lady Gaga recording a song that she wrote!" Lambert Tweeted. "I love her." Why? Because her music sucks so bad that it might actually take attention away from how much your own songs absolutely blow? Incredibly enough, the collab with Lady Gaga may not even be Lambert’s most terrible of the album. He’s also hit the studio Pink, the results of which should be preemptively barred from ever appearing on any album or radio station by the FCC as a means of protecting the unsuspecting ears of listeners around the world. In other words, run the other direction as fast as possible if you ever find yourself confronted with the horrific reality that is "For Your Entertainment.” Run and don’t look back…………


- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Sure, it may be a mercenary effort in Mexico, courtesy of environmental activist group Greenpeace, but I take my social dissidence any way I can get it. Following the Mexican government's decision to allow cultivation of the first genetically modified corn, about 45 Greenpeace activists descended on Mexico City to protest a decision they say could ruin the nation's native crop. The Greenpeacers hung a black banner and protest signs Sunday at the Angel of Independence, a traffic circle on one of the city’s busiest roads. "Today, the Angel of Independence is in mourning to demand that the Mexican government protect our principal nourishment -- corn," said Aleira Lara, a Greenpeace leader at the protest. Never have I seen someone so fired up about corn, but it’s all good. The actual action by the government the agriculture and environment departments approving two permits last week from among 35 applications to grow the mutant corn. As opposed to the traditional method of modifying crops through selective breeding, genetically modified crops are engineered by having changes introduced into their DNA. That can lead to positive developments, such as increased nutritional content or resistance to herbicides, pests and disease. However, critics object to possible effects on consumers and the environment. This is an unquestionably important issue in Mexico, where corn is grown on about one-third of the country's cultivated land. Currently, there are 55 varieties of native corn, but protestors expressed concern that the new mutant corn could endanger those 55 varieties (Mexico has 55 varieties of corn, Heinz has 57 flavors in its ketchup, Baskin Robbins has its 31 flavors of ice cream – whatever). At this point, the mutant corn will be planted only on plots controlled by the government and isolated from other crops. The Mexican government insists that the new crops are only in the experimental stage at this point, but that did little to abate the rage of the protestors who gathered over the weekend.. "Without corn, there is no country," some protesters said. The slogan sounds much better in Spanish on account of rhyming: "Sin maiz, no hay pais." The protestors do have science on their side; two scientific studies have determined that transgenic corn has already contaminated some native Mexican corn fields. Fueled by that research and their inner outrage, protestors came up with some solid, albeit hyperbolic, signs for their demonstration. Signs hung on statues at the protest said: "Our corn first, traitors" and "Transgenic corn: End to independence." The economic side of this story also cannot be overlooked; Greenpeace an its supporters argue that the mutant corn would drive small-scale farming operations into financial ruin because they would have to buy the high-priced mutant corn seeds from one of the four government-licensed companies with a patent on the technology. The government would likely argue that it is in a difficult position when it comes to corn, as its own farmers are unable to meet the increased demand for maize and the country must import about 89 percent of the corn it needs for feed. If mutant corn can be grown faster and in places where native corn varieties cannot grow, then it could help Mexico better meet its own needs. Additionally, with the price of corn having doubled since 2007, an increase in native corn production could alleviate much of the problem. Something tells me there is a mildly happy balance to be struck here between the two sides, but as long as I get to seed more protests, riots and dissidence in action, I don’t really care…………


- Boy, ESPN definitely needs to reevaluate its screening and hiring process when it comes to its baseball analysts. For the second time in the last year, allegations of sexual impropriety between an ESPN baseball analyst and a staffer has surfaced and this one is ugly. Analyst Steve Phillips, a former general manager for the New York Mets, acknowledged having an affair with an assistant at the network and has taken a leave of absence during the playoffs. The affair came to light in August, when ESPN production assistant Brooke Hundley began calling Phillips' wife, Marni, on Aug. 5 after he broke off the affair and sent her a letter graphically describing their relationship and Phillips' birthmarks. According to a Wilton, Conn., police report, Hundley told Marni Phillips in her letter that that "we both can't have him. I'm a real person in his life and I care deeply about his happiness." But the letter isn't the whole story here, not even close. On Aug. 19, Marni Phillips called police when she came home to find Hundley in her driveway. "I knew instinctively that this was the woman Steve was involved with and I was terrified," she wrote in a police statement. Hundley apparently panicked and attempted to back her car out of the driveway in a hurry. In the process, she smashed her car into a stone column and was only able to make her getaway by driving across the Phillips’ lawn. Yeah, I’m guessing that didn’t make too much of a scene. Some crazed mistress smashing a stone column with her whip, then tearing across the lawn to get away. After that hasty exodus, Marni Phillips found Hundley’s letter attached to her front door. The situation became even more twisted later that evening, when , the Phillips' 16-year-old son told his parents that Hundley had posed as a high school classmate and sent repeated instant messages asking personal questions about his family and his parents' marriage. Hundley also assumed a second identity to contact the boy via Facebook. "This woman has clearly displayed erratic behavior and delusional tendencies," Phillips said in a statement to police. " She has shown up at our house. She has taken on the identity of at least two people (minors) to violate our son (a minor). I have extreme concerns about the health and safety of my kids and myself." Boy, that’s rich. You have an affair with a woman half your age, put her and yourself in a horrible position and then you’re looking to paint her as this troubled soul who you need to be protected from. Funny, you didn’t seem to need protection from her when you two were hitting it at her apartment or whatever hotel room you rented for your alleged trysts. Fact is, this isn't the first time Phillips has been accuse of having an affair with someone who worked for him. While working for the Mets in 1998, Phillips admitted having sex with a team employee, who sued for sexual harassment. That case was settled out of court. In other words, dude seems to be one of those scumbags who is always looking for a fresh piece of tail and seems unfettered by the fact that he’s married. While it was wrong for Hundley to make "harassing phone calls and text messages" to Marni Phillips, none of this happens if Steve Phillips can keep it in his pants and remain faithful to his wife. The one positive to come from this, if there can be one, is that Marni Phillips seems to have finally seen the light and she filed for divorce Sept. 14. It only took two very public affairs and a crazed, jilted lover turfing her lawn to get the message through. On Wednesday, Phillips said in a statement released by ESPN that he requested the leave of absence "to address this with my family and to avoid any unnecessary distractions through the balance of the baseball playoffs." Yeah, that’s something you should have done a long time ago, amigo. The police report indicates that the only reason he finally came clean with his family about the affair is because Hundley pressure him to do so. Nothing like the mistress being the voice of reason in an affair. As I mentioned at the top, this isn't a new problem for ESPN. In 2006, baseball analyst Harold Reynolds was fired after a female intern complained about what he called a "brief and innocuous hug." Call me crazy, but there seem to be some deep-seated issues within the baseball family at ESPN and there don’t appear to be a lot of high-character individuals among the network’s baseball analysts……………

Pirates of the world surge back, the Justice Department lightens up on potheads and a WNBA makes the city of Detroit very happy...by leaving

- Congratulations, Detroit! Normally congratulating a city when one of its sports teams leaves town would be a completely inappropriate thing, but that line of thinking just doesn’t hold true when the team picking up stakes and vacating the premises is a WNBA franchise. WNBA franchises are the dandelions of professional sports in many ways. For one, like dandelions, WNBA uniforms are often brightly colored and easy to see. Also, like dandelions, WNBA teams are the weeds in the sports lawn of your city that you just can’t seem to get rid of no matter how hard you try. You really have to dig down deep into the dirt, rip the thing out by the roots and kill it. And lastly, like dandelions, WNBA franchises serve no useful purpose and are basically a hassle you want to be rid of. So while the economic landscape in Detroit remains bleak and the people of the city continue to battle valiantly through this incredibly difficult time, the city’s baseball team completed an historically huge choke job to miss the playoffs and its NFL team is 1-5 coming off of the first 0-16 season in NFL history in 2008, at least residents of Detroit can rejoice in the knowledge that they will be rid of the WNBA’s Detroit Shock, effective immediately. From what I’m told, the WNBA just ended recently and I take that as fact because I had no idea it was going on all, so the departure won’t be fully felt until whenever the WNBA season starts in 2010. The Shock will be moving to the thriving basketball hotbed of Tulsa, Okla., so needless to say the people of Tulsa have my deepest sympathies. For some odd reason, the team official who leaked news of the move did so on the condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to make the announcement. Why anyone gives a rat’s ass, I don’t know. It is the WNBA we’re talking about, after all. Detroit fans may not have a championship team to throw a parade for this year, but the exodus of their unloved WNBA franchise is something they could absolutely march through the streets to celebrate. Times certainly remain tough for you, Detroit, and thoughts and prayers go out to all of you as you struggle to stay afloat financially, but take solace in the fact that for one day at least, one of your (soon-to-be-former) sports teams has given you a reason to rejoice…………


- Because I am the omnipresent friend of the stoner no matter his or her age, race or socioeconomic status, this next story makes me very, very happy. The Justice Department sent out a memo to federal prosecutors Monday informing them that pot-smoking patients and their sanctioned suppliers should not be targeted for federal prosecution in states that allow medical marijuana. As any god bureaucratic entity would do, the JD sent out a three-page legal memo to explain the new policy. The memo stated that federal prosecutors are being told it is not a good use of their time to arrest people who use or provide medical marijuana in strict compliance with state law. Ya think? Stop persecuting people who like to burn the hippie lettuce for a justified purpose. Now my preference would be that you just stop persecuting (and prosecuting) stoners all together, but that’s probably too much for the Justice Department to digest. After all, in this same memo, they JD make its clear that federal agents will go after people whose marijuana distribution goes beyond what is permitted under state law or use medical marijuana as a cover for other crimes. So where is this new approach coming from? Not surprisingly, it comes as the Obama administration looks to impose its standards and wipe out the idiotic policies of the W. administration, which insisted it would continue to enforce federal anti-pot laws regardless of state codes. "It will not be a priority to use federal resources to prosecute patients with serious illnesses or their caregivers who are complying with state laws on medical marijuana, but we will not tolerate drug traffickers who hide behind claims of compliance with state law to mask activities that are clearly illegal," Attorney General Eric Holder said in a statement. Fourteen states currently allow use of marijuana for medical purposes: Alaska, California, Colorado, Hawaii, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, Montana, Nevada, New Mexico, Oregon, Rhode Island, Vermont and Washington. For the other 36 stats…..what are you waiting for? Preferably, every state would follow the example set by California, with its strong presence of businesses that sell marijuana and even advertise their services. Colorado, Rhode Island and New Mexico are the only states currently following that example, which is sad. The new policy is being hailed as a “major step forward" by pot advocacy groups like the Marijuana Policy Project. These groups are the heroes out there lobbying for the total decriminalization of the hippie lettuce and they aren’t going to put down their Cheetos, Planet Earth DVDs and bongs until every state and government stops hassling potheads for just looking to roll a fattie, kick back and get high. Fight on stoners, fight on……….


- I’ve seen exactly zero of the five Saw films to this point. Horror movies in general are not a favorite genre of mine, but I’ll make exceptions for horror flicks that are well-written, smart and creative. For trite, clichéd, predictable horror movies that are simply about the blood and gore, I have neither the time nor the interest. That being said, I have found something I like a whole lot about Saw as we approach the release of Saw VI Friday. For the sixth straight year, a Halloween blood drive is coinciding with the release of a Saw movie. The first such effort occurred in 2004 and since then, fans have donated enough blood to save more than 350,000 lives, according to the movie's website. Lionsgate, the production company for the Saw franchise, and the American Red Cross are partnering up for the blood drive. Despite my aversion to blood and needles and thus my policy of maintaining a safe distance from blood drives at all times, this is a project I definitely support. For all the fake blood spilled on screen in Saw movies, it’s good that these movies provide a rallying point for people to roll up their sleeves, lie down on a table and give blood for those who need it. The blood drive continues through the first week of the film's release and if you’re looking for a blood drive in your area, visit the movie’s website for more information……….


- You don’t need to know football to know that Cleveland Browns coach Eric Mangini is not a good coach and that he’s done a terrible job since arriving in Cleveland prior to this season. Even Rolling Stone is taking a moment off from writing about overblown, overrated, mainstream music artists to take shots at the cherubic Browns head man. In its latest issue, the magazine compared Mangini him to Augustus Gloop, the FAT, overeating character in Roald Dahl's "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" and calling his short coaching tenure in Cleveland "a sort of Hurricane Andrew of football mismanagement." Now I’ve never thought of Hurricane Andrew as the preeminent hurricane in terms of wreaking havoc and turning things into a mess in the shortest amount of time possible, but let’s not quibble with the selection of hurricane for this particular metaphor. The fact is that Rolling Stone is absolutely correct and their being on point in ripping Mangini only underscores how terrible of a coach he has been in Cleveland. People whose business has nothing to do with football and who likely aren’t any more knowledgeable about the sport than the average fan are able to look at Mangini’s tenure in C-town and realize what a train wreck it has been. But that’ll happen when you come in to a new place, bring in more than a half-dozen mediocre players from the mediocre team that just fired you upon your arrival, proceed to make not one, but two lopsided trades with that former team, turn your new professional home into a no-fun zone with an overload of inane rules and restrictions and go 1-5 to start the season. In truth, the Browns should be 0-6 by this point. Their butt-ugly 6-3 victory over the Buffalo Bills on Oct. 11 barely counts as a win and is less worthy of a “W” than any other instance in NFL history when one team has put more points on the scoreboard than its opponent. Mangini has trouble figuring out who his quarterback is, he has trouble keeping his players from brawling in the locker room and he and his coaching staff have trouble putting together a game plan on either side of the ball. Even Rolling Stone can see that and for that reason, I continue to believe that firing this tool after only one season is still a smart, viable option for the Browns……….


- Freaking pirates of the world, you are pumping me up! The world is lining up against you and organizing international coalitions to shut you down and still you bounce back. According to the International Maritime Bureau, which monitors shipping crimes, the first nine months of this year has seen more pirate attacks than all of last year. As you might suspect, the chief contributors to this trend have been my boys, the Somali pirates. They’ve been responsible for more than half of those attacks, according to the IMB. "The increased activity in Somalia is the major reason for the spike," said Cyrus Mody, manager of the IMB. From January 1 until September 30, there were a whopping 306 pirate attacks, surpassing the 293 recorded in all of 2008. Of those 306 attacks, Somali pirates can take credit for a hearty 54 percent (168 attacks). The principal area of danger on the high seas continues to be off the east coast of Somalia and in the Gulf of Aden, a major shipping route between Yemen and Somalia. Pirates in this area have successfully hijacked 32 vessels and taken 533 hostages so far this year. The Somali government has failed miserably in shutting down the pirates operating off of its coast even though many of them are based in its port cities. In response to this failure, the United States and other world powers have been forming their own nautical posses and attempting to stamp out piracy lest their bottom lines take further hits. I think it’s about time people come correct and show mis amigos, the pirates of the world, the proper respect. Yes, they are no longer exact replicas of the characters that movies and TV shows like to portray when it comes top pirates, but the same pirate-y spirit lives on and that’s what truly matters. They still like rum, they can still make people walk the plank and if you run afoul of them, they will still shiver your timbers, matey. It’s simply that they now do so using night-vision goggles, rocket launchers and global positioning devices. Global commerce means that more of the world's fuels, minerals and other crucial commodities travel by ship and that presents tremendous opportunities for these pirates. Not every country has the means to secure its shorelines, so pirates have a field day in such countries. When good pirates can earn up to $40,000 a year with the ransoms they collect, there is no way you’re going to completely shut them down. Critics argue that paying these ransoms only emboldens other pirates and makes the problem worse, but it’s all a matter of perspective. Aside from Somalia, other trouble areas this year were waters off Nigeria, with 20 attacks; Malaysia with 14; and Bangladesh with 12. For pirates in other parts of the world, I’ve got four words for each and every one of you: Step your game up……………

Recapping last night's Greek, a Pittsburgh Steeler with anger/public setting issues and the impending arrival of net neutrality rules

- Prepare to wave goodbye to age of unlimited Web use, everyone. The potential institution of net neutrality policies that prevent Internet service providers from managing network traffic based on content may end unlimited usage, leaving ISPs without the ability to intelligently manage their networks. With that ability stripped from them, ISPs are increasingly using data caps, often as low as 5 GB per month, to preserve bandwidth. This became a major issue last year when Comcast restricted Internet traffic related to BitTorrent, the file-sharing protocol, and the FCC was none to pleased about it. Facing the implementation of net neutrality regulations, Comcast and other ISPs agreed to drop BitTorrent traffic-management programs and generally treat all Web traffic as equal. That may have seemed like a nice resolution, but in the aftermath of the showdown, AT&T, Comcast and Time Warner all rolled out monthly data caps. Basically, without neutrality, ISPs are allowed to manage network traffic by restricting content. There are several ways to accomplish this: intelligently and fairly, slowing streaming video, disrupting P2P services and even blocking rival Web sites. While these practices would obviously frustrate users, you can bet that the ISPs don’t give a rat’s ass because data caps allow them to conserve their limited bandwidth without relying on network-management techniques that violate net neutrality. The fight has now been extended to mobile broadband providers, with the FCC looking to apply the net neutrality policies to them. FCC Chairman Julian Genachowski is a strong supporter of net neutrality and believes it should also apply to mobile providers, but the issue is even more dicey when it comes to the world of wireless. Wireless providers have significantly less bandwith to offer and net neutrality could mean sluggish speeds and far more restrictive data caps. Whereas broadband providers could at least put up with he net neutrality restrictions, many wireless providers could have major issue complying with the rules. With many smartphone customers having unlimited data plans, providers basically have to hope that a large number of customers don’t all decide to make use of their data plan at the same time. The new rules could prevent them from managing the sudden demand for content and as a result, the network would suffer. In the end, unlimited data plans for wireless users could be headed the way of the eight-track player and Lindsay Lohan’s acting career…..dead and gone…….


- A weekday morning putt-putt golf mixer isn't a good way to start your day, but that was how the ladies of Zeta Beta Zeta kicked off this week’s episode of Greek. Now that they have slipped to fourth in the campus sorority rankings, the golf mixer with the Lambda Sigs was the best they could do. Many of the pledges and sisters threaten to deactivate or depledge unless ZBZ president Ashleigh turns the sorority around soon. She elects to go with a lie, saying that there is a planned mixer with Omega Chi Saturday night. Now she and BFF Casey have to find a way to make the mixer happen to back up their lie. A hat-in-hand visit to Omega Chi president Evan Chambers follows and Evan actually agrees to the mixer. The happy ZBZs are expecting the official, in-person invite later that night, but the plan veers off course when Evan presents the idea to his Omega Chi brothers. They aren’t down with the idea, especially not when it comes after Evan’s confession that he has given up his trust fund and is now broke. Evan and Calvin have been discussing coming clean with their brothers about their respective secrets (Calvin about he and Omega Chi’s brother Grant being gay and a couple) and when Evan’s Audi sports car is repossessed right in front of the house, Evan’s hand is forced. At the meeting, he is ridiculed by his brothers for his newfound poverty and challenged about why the OC’s are mixing with the fourth-best sorority on campus, ZBZ. A vote is held and the mixer is rejected. Evan makes the walk of shame to the ZBZ house and is forced to spill the truth to Ashleigh and Casey. This is also when Casey learsn about Evan giving up his trust fund and she clearly respects him for it. Still, there’s the issue of the mixer. Evan mentions that his brothers voted it down because ZBZ is no Gamma Psi, the new top sorority on campus. Ashleigh is inspired to invite the Gamma Psi’s, OC’s and another fraternity for a “four-pack” mixer. The offer is shot down by the Gamma Psi’s, who deliver their message with a note left on the doorstep, attached to a box of frown-faced cupcakes. Undeterred, Ashleigh and Casey go to the Gamma Psi house to plead their case in person. A meeting with the Gamma Psi president Megan doesn’t go well and she makes it clear that her sisters won’t go to a mixer unless there is something in it for them. Desperate and backed into a corner, Ashleigh offers to pay the Gamma Psi’s electric bill for the rest of the year if they come to the mixer. That seals the deal and come Saturday night, the four-pack is up and running as a first-class affair, with live music, a photographer, a caricature artist and an open bar. The harmony lasts until 10:30, when the Gamma Psi’s declare that they have made good on their promise to attend and that they didn’t promise how long they would stay. On her way out, Megan purposely blurts out the deal Ashleigh made with her so that everyone can hear and the ZBZ’s will be completely embarrassed. After the party comes to a crashing halt, Ashleigh and Casey are forced to come clean with their sisters. Seeing her friend’s presidency on the ropes, Casey falls on the sword and takes total blame for the deal with Gamma Psi. Ashleigh escapes blame, but the debate on the future of the sorority goes on until 4 a.m. The next morning, Ashleigh asks Casey for advice on what to do next and Casey theorizes that the only reason Gamma Psi would go out of the way to embarrass ZBZ is if they still view them as a threat. Casey suggests they “play the game,” which Ashleigh agrees to and off they go to plan their next move. Planning moves is not what Cappie has in mind as he continues his no-strings-attached relationship with new lady friend Lana. He is content to just hang out and sleep with her and wants nothing more. That plan takes a wrong turn when Rusty, having bounced back from the definitive demise of his relationship with now-in-New-York ex-girlfriend Jordan, pops in at the Kappa Tau house looking to hang out with his big bro and cut loose. Lana has other ideas, having shed her clothes and found a spot waiting for Cappie in his room. The embarrassing encounter happens when Rusty opens Cappie’s door unaware, but everyone gets past their embarrassment when Cappie gets back to the house. He and Lana decide to go grab lunch and Lana decides to invite Rusty along. Off to Dobler’s they go with Lana vowing to “enjoy corrupting” sweet, innocent Rusty. A round of Irish car bombs expedite the process and although Rusty manages to chug only a few ounces of his, that’s enough to earn him a new nickname from Lana in place of his previous one, Spitter: Rowdy Rusty. Lana suggests a dine-and-dash to Rowdy Rusty and before Cappie can object, they are out the door without paying. He runs back inside and leaves money on the table without telling Lana and Rusty. The next day, Cappie, Lana and Rusty are watching Animal Planet, hanging out at the KT house and blowing off their respective responsibilities when Rusty inadvertently suggests that Lana is perfect for Cappie because she’s the female version of him and wont hassle him for being who he is. That seems to rattle Cappie, who later realizes he doesn’t want to date someone just like him. He breaks his next date with Lana to hang out and attend his mini-book club with Rusty’s roommate Dale and continues to blow her off to the point that she decides she’s done with him, which is just what Cappie wants. Rusty refuses to accept this and goes to see Lana, talking her into giving Cappie another shot. They find him at the Gentleman’s Choice strip club where Cappie and Dale are watching the strippers (well, Dale is trying to tell them about religion). When it becomes clear to Lana that Cappie doesn’t actually want a second chance, she’s pissed. Rusty tries to stop her from walking out and one of the club’s bouncers, Viper, sees the scene and thinks Rusty is hassling one of the strippers. Rusty make an ill-advised decision to muscle up and confront Viper, which goes well until he slips on a wet spot on the floor and falls down. Back at the KT house, Rusty assures Cappie that if he can stand up to a bouncer, then Cappie can be up front with Lana and tell her that he doesn’t want to see her anymore. Lana isn't surprised, saying Cappie is just like every other guy his age. Later that day, Cappie is hanging with Rusty and Dale, pounding shots of fizzy apple cider, when he admits to being at the strip club because he has a girl on his mind. But if it’s not Lana…..Rusty realizes it has to be Casey. Cappie ducks the subject for now, but next week that story will be at the heart of the episode, as will Evan’s rediscovered friendship/bond with Casey, which also took a step forward this episode. Who will Casey want to be with? You’ll have to tune in next week to find out…………


- Public places and Pittsburgh Steelers kicker Jeff Reed do not seem to be a good match of late. That’s a decidedly big problem for a public figure and professional athlete, so there might be reason for the Steelers to be concerned. For the second time in less than a year, Reed found himself clad in the silver bracelets after the cops had to be called in to calm down his unruly ass. He was arrested and cited by city police for public intoxication and disorderly conduct outside a bar a couple of blocks from where his team beat the Cleveland Browns a few hours earlier on Sunday. Defeating the inept Browns must be a lot bigger deal for Reed than it is for every other NFL player, because he was clearly partying hard at McFadden's Bar about 9 p.m. Sunday and was involved in some sort of incident outside the bar shortly thereafter. Maybe a Browns fan or two was still hanging around, saw Reed and things went sideways, I don’t know. What I do know is that less than six hours after kicking two field goals and three extra points in a 27-14 victory, Reed was getting a ride downtown in the back of a squad car when he should have been enjoying the evening with teammates and friend. Based on the time frame here, including how long it takes players to shower, clean up and leave the stadium after a game, it would seem that Reed was either drunk during the game (unlikely) or he went from zero to hammered in the space of about four hours, because he couldn’t have left the stadium before 5 p.m. and shortly after 9 p.m., he was in custody. You may also recall that back in February, he had a contentious encounter with a paper towel dispenser in a convenience store bathroom in New Alexandria, Pa. In that incident, the paper towel dispenser had the audacity to be empty when Reed went to use it and he took his frustrations out on the inanimate object. That earned him a conviction on charges of disorderly conduct and criminal mischief for damaging, which Reed settled by paying $543 in fines and restitution. No word on whether a disagreeable paper towel dispenser was involved in Sunday’s incident, but either way I would advise Reed to deal with his anger issues and steer clear of crowded public places and public restrooms for a while……….


- I have good news and bad news for fans of the NBC cop drama Southland. The bad news is that the Peacock has canceled your favorite show after just one season. NBC is not doing well in the ratings right now and the network canceled the show even before its second season premiere, saying its content was too dark and gritty for broadcast television. That’s the bad news, but the good news could make up for all of that. The show's executive producer, John Wells, called Southland's actors last week to tell them he's in talks to find the show a new home and that two networks are interested in picking up the show. Wells hasn’t elaborated on which two networks he’s been in touch with, but those in the know say that TNT has been interested in acquiring the series and is the most likely contender. However, I will temper this burst of good news with a bit of a downer. Even if Wells is able to find a new home for his show, filming is unlikely to resume any time soon. Southland’s new network would most likely run the first season's seven episodes and six produced for Season 2 to create a 13-episode freshman season. Still, as a fan of far too many good shows that have been prematurely canceled by networks, the possibility of Southland being kept alive for the time being is a decidedly better option than the alternative and the show’s fans didn’t even have to wage an all-out guerrilla campaign of support to keep it alive……….


- Recession or no recession, Steve Jobs and Apple are on the rise. The company’s profits jumped 47 percent on thanks to increased iPhone and Mac computer sales in the latest quarter, capping an incredibly profitable year for a company whose rivals are struggling mightily. Unit sales of iPhones rose 7 percent Mac computer shipments rose 17 percent in the quarter ending in late September. Overall profit increased to a record $1.67 billion, or $1.82 a share, from $1.14B or $1.26 a share. Combined with a solid first two financial quarters of 2009 boosted Apple’s annual profit up 18 percent to $5.7B. Analysts see no reason for the momentum to slow, as Apple will soon launch the iPhone in China and bringing additional wireless carriers into the fold for its smartphone in countries around the world. Additionally, the tech giant plans to announce new versions of its desktop and laptop computers in the next few weeks to seize more market share as consumers remain uncertain about upgrading to Microsoft's new Windows 7 operating system. "We've got a very strong line-up for the holiday season and some really great new products in the pipeline for 2010," said Jobs, Apple’s chief executive. No details were given on what changes would be made, but for both the all-in-one desktop iMacs that combine displays and drives and the MacBook notebooks, it would be the first significant makeover in more than two years. Expect changes to the casing for laptops and desktops that are both thinner and faster. To clear the way for the new models, Apple is beginning to offer discounts to cut the number of existing models in the sales channel. As always, the chief selling point is the fact that Mac’s are simpler and more reliable than PC’s, which require reinstallation of all programs for anyone wishing to upgrade from Windows XP to Windows 7, which will inevitably crash, have a ton of bugs and be difficult to use. Advertising for Windows 7 is set to coincide with the operating system’s launch on Thursday. It is funny to think of all the time, effort and money Microsoft is pouring into this launch while all the while, we know what a disaster it’s likely to be. Good times…………

A Heroes recap, dark days ahead for Maldives and hip-hip...now Jim Zorn's done

- Not sure what it says about your college or university if you have to instate a policy banning banned the wearing of women's clothes, makeup, high heels and purses – by dudes. Such is the situation at Morehouse College, an all-male college in Atlanta, Georgia. The new rules are part of a new crackdown on what the institution calls inappropriate attire. Why an all-male school would need a far-reaching dress code called its "Appropriate Attire Policy" and which includes a no dress-wearing rule, I do not know. Some of the other aspects of the new policy are a bit more logical, if not misguided, lame and in the spirit of ripping some of the quintessential parts of the college experience from the Morehouse student body. Those aspects would include a ban on wearing hats in buildings, pajamas in public, do-rags, sagging pants, sunglasses in class and walking barefoot on campus. The no dresses worn by guys, that I get. Sunglasses in class are just lame, as are sunglasses in any indoor setting. Whoever you are, you’re not cool enough to wear shades indoors and get away with it. But no pajamas in public? What the hell? College is all about being able to roll out of bed ten minutes before your first class, realize how late you’re running and shuffle off to class in your pajama pants and favorite old t-shirt. And no walking barefoot on campus? Why not? You’re in freaking Atlanta, one of the best-climate big cities in the country. If guys want to walk around barefoot on the grass while enjoying a beautiful ATL afternoon, let them. But I suppose when you’re a private college with a miniscule 2,700-member student body, you can make these types of rules and get away with it. Also, this situation follows the norm of a few troublemakers ruining the fun for everyone. Dr. William Bynum, vice president for Student Services at Morehouse, explained that the new policy is aimed at a small part of the student body. "We are talking about five students who are living a gay lifestyle that is leading them to dress a way we do not expect in Morehouse men," he said. Before you decry this as an offensive attack on homosexuals, homosexual community, listen to what I’m about to say. Bynum explained that before the school released the policy, he met with Morehouse Safe Space, the campus' gay organization. "We talked about it and then they took a vote," he said. "Of the 27 people in the room, only three were against it." Around campus, the new policy has already drawn sharp criticism from many students. Senior Devon Watson said he disagrees with parts of the new policy, especially those that tell students what they should wear in free time outside of the classroom. "I feel that there will be a lot of resentment and backlash," Watson said. "It infringes on the student's freedom of expression. I matriculated successfully for three-and-half years dressing so how is this a problem?" First off, props for successfully executing the word matriculation in a sentence. Safe to say that 99 percent of college students, be it at a historically black school like Morehouse, a public university with students of all races, an all-male or all-female school or a liberal arts college, could not accomplish that. But I wholeheartedly agree with Watson that the policy goes too far and infringes on the free will of students to dress the way they want outside of class. As it relates to class, dress code violators will not be allowed to go to class unless they change. Those who repeatedly violate the dress code could be suspended from the college. One wonders what notable Morehouse alumni like Martin Luther King Jr., actor Samuel Jackson and Spike Lee would think of the new policy. As for me, I’m down with the ban on dressing like a chick, but beyond that this new policy sounds like a load of crap……………


- Hip-hip….goodbye. Washington Redskins coach Jim Zorn, who famously shouted, “Hip-hip, hooray!” during a postgame victory speech last season, may soon be uttering the line I just used. Already under fire entering this season, Zorn’s Redskins have gone 2-4 against what could arguably be the easiest schedule in the NFL so far this season. The team’s two wins have come against two of the league’s three remaining winless teams, Tampa Bay and St. Louis. Those wins were by a combined total of five points, hardly an inspiring margin. The ‘Skins have also lost to 1-5 Detroit and Sunday, they lost to a Kansas City team that entered the game 0-5. The 14-6 loss was a true clunker in which neither team scored a touchdown. The offensively stunted game also featured Zorn yanking starting quarterback Jason Campbell at halftime and replaced him with Todd Collins, who hadn't played since the end of the 2007 season. Collins was equally ineffective, but this game could be the death knell for Campbell’s career in Washington. He was 9-of-16 passing for 89 yards and an interception, leading his team to no first-half points. Toward the end of the game, Zorn stood alone on the sideline Sunday, his headset off, his arms folded across his chest as the few fans who hadn’t headed for the exits lustily booed his lackluster team. He then entered the room for his postgame news conference and kicked things off with a loud, lengthy sigh into the microphone. “I've got to be better. And it really irritates me. Truly irritates me," Zorn said. "And I'm just not going to rest until I get that taken care of." Actually coach, you are going to rest before you resolve that problem, even if it’s not of your own volition. See, owner and noted pompous ass Daniel Snyder will soon be relieving you of your duties and giving you lots of free time, like it or not. Heck, I’m surprised the impetuous D. Snyder didn’t storm the field as soon as the game ended, cut in front of Kansas City coach Todd Haley as he tried to shake Zorn’s hand in the traditional coaches’ handshake after the game and fire Zorn on the spot. The fact that Zorn even made it back to his office after the game is astonishing to me, because no way does a meddlesome, blowhard owner like Snyder stomach that sort of loss by a team he is paying a ridiculously bloated salary to and just let it slide. With an extra day before their next game due to it being a Monday night contest Oct. 26 against the Philadelphia Eagles, Snyder has all the time he needs to ax Zorn and bring in his next terrible coach. Zorn’s players may be trying to show their support for him through their words, but their actions on the field haven’t exactly validated their coach’s methods and they know it. "Winning would help," linebacker London Fletcher said. "We haven't performed up to our abilities to help coach Zorn out." No L., you haven’t. Despite being the first team in NFL history to face six consecutive winless opponents, you are in last place in the NFC East and sinking fast. As bad as this past week was, losing to Kansas City is going to make the coming week even worse. "It's going to be a very hard week. Last week, I thought that was as hard as it can get," Zorn said. "It just got harder." Again, that depends on your definition of harder. See, in a few days you’re not going to have to worry about how to lead the Redskins to a win at all, so in that sense your life could be about to get much easier, Jimmy. Someone else is about to inherit your headache and be on the receiving end of Snyder’s vitriol when the talented-yet-losing ‘Skins drop a game to a team they have no business losing to. Looks like former Redskins great John Riggins was right on the mark in his recent YouTube rant about the terrible state his former team is in. Perhaps Riggo would be interested in coaching the Redskins for the rest of the season? Lord knows he couldn’t do any worse than Jim Zorn………………


- Tonight was Sylar reclamation night on Heroes, with Samuel Sullivan and his merry band of superpowered carnival misfits looking to turn everyone’s favorite jack-of-all-powers bad guy back into his old self. After appearing out of thin air in the middle of the forest last week to allow Sylar to enter their carnival crew, the Sullivan Bros. gang went to work on their newest family member. After giving Sylar a warm bed and change of clothes, Samuel hopes his memory will return. And the memories do return, but they’re not Sylar’s. They are Nathan Petrelli’s memories, on account of Matt Parkman using his mind control powers to force Nathan’s memories into Sylar last season and turn Sylar’s body into Nathan’s in the process. Being shot and killed a couple episodes ago brought out Sylar again, but he can’t shake Nathan’s memories. Frustrated, Samuel calls in the big guns with another member of his family named Damian. Damian takes Sylar into the house of mirrors and without speaking a word, places his hands on Sylar’s head and transports him into some weird zone of consciousness that allows all of Sylar’s memories of the people he has killed in his life to come flooding back. He’s horrified at the sight and runs from the room, throwing up in a trash can as he realizes what a monster he is. Samuel finds him and tells him that now he knows who he is and that he needs to be honest with himself. To that end, Samuel has sent out his right-hand man, Edgar, to deliver free tickets to the carnival to Capt. Lubbock, the police detective who arrested Sylar last episode. Capt. Lubbock and his family have come to the carnival and Samuel “suggests” that Sylar use this chance to resolve his legal troubles and take care of Lubbock. Sylar returns to the house of mirrors to confront Lubbock, but instead of going for the kill, he urges Lubbock to leave. Instead, the detective draws his pistol and Sylar’s powers to a) stop bullets and b) emit electrical impulses from his hands pop up. He electrocutes Lubbock but not enough to kill him. When Sylar won’t finish the job, Edgar whirls in with his super speed and ability to wield knives with that speed and offs Lubbock. He wonders to Samuel afterward what good Sylar is to them if he won’t unleash his powers and use them to kill. Samuel explains that they will rebuild a new, better Sylar and when they do, he’ll belong to them. Lydia, the Tattooed Lady, then leads Sylar off for a little alone time as the party rages on. Later that day, Sylar is baptized into the family by Samuel and welcomed as its newest member. New faces are also the order of the day for Noah Bennet, who finds himself confronted with an interesting challenge courtesy of Peter Petrelli. Peter is at the hospital with Hiro Nakamura, who teleported from Tokyo to Peter’s apartment in New York last week and summarily collapsed. At the hospital, Peter learns the truth about Hiro’s brain tumor and the short amount of time he has to live. Peter and Hiro trade theories about whether fate brought them together and what for, but Peter decides to alter fate by taking Hiro’s power to teleport and using it to find someone with the power to heal in order to cure his friend. On the way out of the room, Peter runs into Emma, the deaf woman who has just discovered her own power to see sounds as colors. Peter tells her about his mission and suggests that in the interim, she talk to Hiro about her worries over her new power. Peter teleports to Noah’s apartment, where the man formerly known as H.R.G. is being visited by his daughter Claire. When Peter shares his dilemma, Claire wonders if her power to heal from any wound could help Hiro through a blood transfusion. H.R.G. says no because Hiro’s tumor is living tissue and her blood would only make the tumor grow faster. However, when working for the Company he came across a boy named Jeremy who was a healer and could help Hiro. With H.R.G. in tow, Peter teleports to Cainan, Georgia. They approach Jeremy’s house and walk inside, where they find Jeremy’s parents mysteriously dead. Plus, everything in and around the house – plants and pets – are also dead and the place reeks of death. Noah explains that he once knew a girl who had the power to heal but it turned on her and she then had the power to sap the life from people. As the two examine the dead bodies, shots ring out from upstairs and Jeremy opens fire on them with a shotgun. Noah returns fire and tells Peter about a fire escape on the back of the house he can use to get upstairs safely. Noah then tries to talk Jeremy down from his proverbial ledge, explaining that he knows about his power and all of the pain it has caused him. A distraught Jeremy laments that everything he touches dies, including his parents – although it was an accident. Still on edge, Jeremy continues to point his shotgun at Noah until Peter teleports between them and tries to wrest the gun from Jeremy. The gun goes off and Peter stops time mid-blast, seeing the explosion from the gun’s barrel right in front of him. Looking down, he realizes that he didn’t stop time in time and has been shot. He collapses to the ground and Noah realizes he won’t survive long enough to make it to the hospital. His only hope is for Jeremy to harness his power to heal and save Peter’s life, with Noah’s encouragement. Jeremy mans up, focuses and gets the job done, bringing Peter back to life. After his revival. Peter is able to copy Jeremy’s power and Noah arranges for a private jet to fly him back to New York so he can heal Hiro. Noah then rigs the scene at Jeremy’s house to make it appear that his parents died accidentally of a carbon monoxide leak and vows to stay around until he’s sure that Jeremy is okay. Meanwhile, back in New York, Hiro and Emma are forging a bond. At first Emma only wants to know how to “turn my powers off,” but Hiro is determined to show her they are a gift to be used for good. To that end, he arranges an impromptu magic show for his fellow patients and leaves an invitation taped to Emma’s computer monitor. She shows up to see “Hiro the Magnificent” and gets pulled into the final trick of his act. He promises to make her disappear and hides her behind a blanket before stopping time. With time stopped, Emma steps out from behind the blanket and sees the sounds/colors emanating from the patients’ applause. She actually touches the waves of light and remarks about how beautiful it all is. Happy to have won her over, Hiro has Emma hide in the back of the room and unfreezes time to finish his trick. Everyone is amazed that he has actually made Emma disappear and she pops out from behind a screen in the back of the room. That’s all well and good, but Hiro’s strict nurse wants him back in bed ASAP. While in bed, Hiro begins telling Emma about his friend Charlie, the waitress from Odessa, Texas that he fell in love with and had to watch die because of her own brain disorder. That makes Hiro realize that on his bucket list of wrongs in his life to right before he dies, saving Charlie escaped him. He writes it down now and vows to get the job done, but Emma makes him promise not to go anywhere until Peter returns to heal him. She then wanders down the hall and begins playing the piano, drawing a crowd as she does. Emma sees the colors as she plays and Hiro is drawn by the sound of her music, joining the onlookers. Once she finishes playing, Emma orders Hiro back to bed and as he turns to go, he vanishes into thin air, teleporting back in time three years to the sidewalk outside the Burnt Toast diner in Odessa, where he looks inside and sees Charlie. Peter walks into the hospital prepared to heal Hiro but is told by Emma that he’s gone. Looking at the handwritten note Hiro left behind, “Save Charlie,” Peter realizes what has happened but has no idea what to do next. So that’s the episode, not a particularly good one. No Ando, no Mohinder Suresh, no Matt Parkman, almost no Claire Bennet, no Angela Petrelli, no Tracy Strauss…..in other words, the same problem that has plagued Heroes the past two-plus seasons, multiplied to the nth degree. Until next week, when the same problem will undoubtedly pop up again……………


- If nothing else, I’ll say this or the president of Maldives and his Cabinet: They know how to stage a good pub-grabbing event. As part of their quest to convince the United Nations to focus on the threat climate change poses to the archipelago nation located off the southwestern coast of India, President Mohamed Nasheed and his cabinet held an underwater meeting Saturday to sign signed a declaration calling for global cuts in carbon emissions that will be presented before a U.N. climate summit in December. The meeting took place around a table about 16 feet underwater, with all participants clad in wetsuits and scuba gear and using hand signals to communicate. "We are trying to send our message to let the world know what is happening and what will happen to the Maldives if climate change isn't checked," Nasheed said. According to Nasheed’s website, the president was asked at the meeting what would happen if the plan outlined in the ratified agreement fails. His response was simple, direct and frightening: If it fails, "we are all going to die." Following the meeting, the ministers signed their wet suits, which are being auctioned to raise money for coral reef protection in the Maldives. What makes Nasheed’s words so scary is that for he and his people, there is very little hyperbole in what he says. Based on the current pace of climate change and the rising sea levels that result from that change, Maldives could very well go under water if nothing is done. For the geographically clueless among you, the Maldives is an archipelago of almost 1,200 coral islands, much of which lie just 4.9 feet above sea level. Based on the United Nations' Intergovernmental Panel of Climate Change’s projections a rise in sea levels of at least 7.1 inches by the end of the century, you can see that within a decade, much of Maldives could literally be consumed by the ocean. The country's capital, Male, is protected by sea walls, but creating a similar barrier around the rest of the country will be cost-prohibitive. You may recall that shortly after he was elected in November, Nasheed raised the possibility of finding a new homeland for the country's 396,000 residents and I suggested that it was a great opportunity for someone out there to adopt a nation. Since then, Nasheed’s government has spoken with several countries about the possibility of such a relocation and found them to be "receptive." Logical options would seem to be lands owned by Sri Lanka and India because the countries have similar cultures, cuisine and climate. Australia is also a possibility because it owns a huge quantity of unoccupied land, but then again, that land is unoccupied for a reason, likely because it’s not a superb place to live. Then again, anything is preferable to living underwater, which is what may Maldivians could be facing very soon…………


- With all of the recent stories of impending environmental doom I’ve been forced to bring you of late, I thought a story from the opposite end of the spectrum would be a nice change-up. In that spirit, I bring you the tale of Envion CEO Michael Han, a green entrepreneur who says he has found a cost-effective method for turning plastic trash into oil. Han recently welcomed viewers to his new demonstration plant in Maryland, where he explained his process: Waste plastic is shredded, melted and then processed in a way that separates the petroleum from the rest of the ingredients. The shredded plastic trash is sent to one end of the machinery, dumped in a hopper and sent up a conveyor belt into a "reactor." At the other end of the machinery, a collection of pipes, tanks and valves reside to complete the rest of the process. Inside the pipes is an apple juice-colored liquid with a fuel-esque smell, a liquid Han claims is ready to be processed for any number of uses: fueling cars, diesel generators or even jets. That’s the positive end of this story, but there is also an issue raised by the process that must be addressed. Because there are some ingredients in plastic that can’t be refined into petroleum, the chemicals that were added when the plastic was produced must be separated out and collected in a sediment tank. The question of what to do with those extra ingredients is one that doesn’t yet have a solid answer. According to Greenpeace researcher Kert Davies, several biohazards could be posed by Han’s waste products from producing oil. “What happens to the additives and the metals and the other things?" Davies asked. When told that Envion plans to either find asphalt makers who can use the sludge as an ingredient for paving or dry up the waste by microwaving and sending the dust to a landfill, he was skeptical. "Then you end up with a different problem," Davies said. "Is that going to a hazardous waste landfill?" Han counters that the dust is in fact not hazardous and that the process used to create it releases no gas into the air. "You don't smell anything burning," he said. "We don't incinerate. We simply melt." Now Envion is must sell the technology to sanitation departments, with the chief selling point being its potential to cut down on their trash volume by consuming up to 10,000 tons of plastic per year while producing some revenue as well. Han believes that his plant could produce up to 60,000 barrels of oil a year and be more than profitable in spite of the $4 million cost to build it. His chief selling point is that his engineered oil could sell for as little as $10 a barrel at a time when oil is selling for more than $70 a barrel. So there you have it folks, finally a positive environmental story for once instead of the regular gloom-and-doom…………

When a boycott isn't a boycott, a royal rumble at a city council meeting and weekend movie news

- For all the knuckleheaded things he’s done, things like this are the reason why I’m still on board with Cincinnati Bengals receiver Chad Ochocinco. With the Bengals’ home game on Sunday against the Houston Texans in danger of being blacked out locally because the game was not a sellout (as the lame-tastic NFL rules mandate), Ochocinco called on Motorola, with whom the charismatic receiver has a partnership, and the duo bought 1,200 tickets and will give them away Saturday at Paul Brown Stadium. No word on how the tickets will be distributed, but Ochocinco will be there to help. This is just a nice thing to do, especially since most fans don’t buy tickets for games because they simply can’t afford to do so. Money is beyond tight for the majority of Americans right now and doling out more than a hundred bucks per person for tickets, parking, concessions, etc. in order to attend a game is just not feasible. If you have a family of three or four, that proposition becomes even tougher to swing and even if they can’t see their team play on TV because the game is blacked out, there is no way for fans to swing the cash to attend, as much as they would like to. Thanks to Ochocinco and Motorola, the Bengals were able to sell enough tickets for the game to keep alive its streak of 46 straight games being shown on local television. Locals will now be able to watch their first-place Bengals, winners of won four in a row and in sole possession of first place in the AFC North, play what should be a pretty exciting game against the high-scoring Texans. Here’s hoping that those 1,200 tickets find their way into the hands of people who are having a tough run in life and could least afford to buy the ducats on their own. Getting free seats to an NFL game could make the day – or even year – for a down-and-out family who can’t afford to do much more than scrape by and pay the bills. Props to Ochocinco for stepping up to lead the charge on this one. I think I’ll be rooting for the Bengals on Sunday…………


- Reason to love local government #4,664: At what should be a normal, run-of-the-mill city council meeting, you could see two old dudes throw haymakers at one another after a council vote. Where else would this take place but our nation’s true haven for blue hairs who have retired and have nothing better to do with their lives now than hit up flea markets and gear up for the early bird special at the Sizzler? Journey with me to St. Petersburg, Fla., where Thursday’s city council meeting saw some of the best action any council meeting has seen in years. After council members voted to cede the public sidewalk fronting BayWalk to its owners, it was on like freaking Donkey Kong. The 5-3 vote in favor of the measure immediately divided the audience, which broke out into two distinct groups: those happily cheering the result and those angrily denouncing it. The proposal’s most vocal critic, Rev. Bruce Wright, spent weeks opposing the proposal and when it passed over his strenuous objects, he was pissed. "You are so full of (expletive) it is ridiculous," Wright bellowed at the council. Frederick Dudley, who is the older brother of council member Bill Dudley, had his brother’s back. "Why don't you move?" he challenged Wright. After that, Dudley, 76, and Ronald Deaton, 61, a free speech activist, turned their rage on one another and they too traded verbal salvos. Dudley had heard all he could take and then bum-rushed Deaton, with both men grabbing their opponent by the neck and falling to the ground in a flurry of punches. Police pulled the two mean apart and both were eventually escorted from City Hall, arrested and charged with disorderly conduct. I have one word for everyone involved in this melee: awesome. If more council meetings were going to end WWE-style, I feel safe in saying that myself and most citizens would be eager to attend. Two old guys coming to blows and getting arrested is enough to liven up any boring council meeting, regardless of what’s on the agenda. To be fair, you could have seen this one coming in some sense. The debate over of the sidewalk issue has been brewing for weeks and individuals on both sides of the debate view the measure as a turning point in St. Petersburg's future. The arguments boiled down to the fact that the sidewalk has become a collecting point for what some in the community deem undesirables - loitering teenagers, panhandlers and demonstrators – and those proponents of turning the sidewalk into private property argued that the business located in the area would not return to economic viability as long as the miscreants were allowed to linger. Critics argued the measure established a dangerous precedent against free speech that would do little to revive the area and claimed it is failing because of competition, mismanagement, a faulty retail mix and the recession. In the end, the council sided with BayWalk's owners and of course, the money. Those owners have promised $6 million in improvements into the center if given the sidewalk, so now we’ll have to see if they follow through on their promise. Even if they do, it’s hard to foresee a revival of the BayWalk complex, given that its retail space is about 70 percent vacant. Either way, let’s not lose sight of what’s truly important here: the brawl. Regardless of who wins or loses in a debate, the important thing is always whether or not two old dudes were willing to throw down and get arrested to make their point………..


- I salute Morgan Tsvangirai, leader of in the Zimbabwean opposition Movement for Democratic Change, for voewing to boycott what Tsvangirai and his fellow MDC members view as the illegitimate government of supposedly elected-by-the-people leader Bob Mugabe – or at least I would if the MDC were actually boycotting said government. "This is a constitutional crisis," said Tsvangirai as he railed against President Robert Mugabe's party. "ZanuPF [Mugabe's party] cannot run government alone constitutionally and legally." Tsvangirai said his party will not attend cabinet meetings and in his capacity as prime minister, he has also boycotted his meetings with Mugabe which occur every Monday. All of that is great, but the problem is that the MDC party is not completely pulling out of the government. That’s what a true boycott means, but Tsvangirai doesn’t seem to embrace that concept. In explaining why his party is staging a non-boycott boycott of the current regime, Tsvangirai was vague and slightly cryptic. "Why have we decided not to pull out? Because the people of Zimbabwe want real change and that is our obligation. If that time to pull out comes, it will be that time, not now," he said. All of this takes places against the backdrop of an ongoing saga involving Roy Bennett, another MDC leader who was released on bail Friday after sent back to jail earlier in the week to await trial on charges of possessing weapons for sabotage, banditry and terrorism. The MDC views the case as little more than continued persecution of their party and thus their threat to boycott the so-called unity government. The relationship between the Movement for Democratic Change and the ZanuPF party has been tenuous at best since the power-sharing deal, which had been brokered by the regional Southern African Development Community after the rigged election Mugabe continues to insist he won. Bennett has been a pawn in this game since his arrest on February 13 -- just before he was to be sworn in as deputy agriculture minister in the new power-sharing government. Tsvangirai continues to rail against Bennett’s continued harassment even though he’s not actually willing to go to the extreme to fight back. "The delay which is taking place for his swearing in is deliberate to frustrate him, to frustrate our constituency, to send the message -- look we can do this we can do this unilaterally and that is what we are trying to oppose," Tsvangirai declared. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me know when you’re actually ready to stage a real boycott, M., and then we’ll talk…………


- Who says that famous people don’t get preferential treatment in the legal system? From what I can tell, Lindsay Lohan is getting second, third, fourth and fifth chances to actually make good on the terms of her probation for a 2007 drunk driving conviction despite showing that she just doesn’t give a sh*t about the case and isn't making any effort to take the necessary steps to fulfill her obligations. This past week, Beverly Hills judge extended Lohan's probation for a year to give her more time to complete a required alcohol counseling program after repeated failures to attend meetings that are part of her sentence. Judge Marsha Revel ordered Lohan singer to appear in court Friday morning after she was notified by the program that Lohan was missing meetings, but instead of bringing the hammer of justice down on one of America’s favorite lushes/public figures most likely to show up somewhere without underwear on, she simply told Lohan she would go to jail if she hears again that the actress has not been attending meetings. Shawn Chapman Holley, Lohan's lawyer, said she had attended about half of the program sessions required, but her “career” kept her out of the state and the country for many of the meetings. Exactly what career that is, I don’t know. Thankfully Lohan appears to have given up on the joke that is/was her recording career, having not released an album since 2005 (that deserves a cheer from all of us). She wasn’t even good enough to be a poor man’s Britney Spears or Mandy Moore, so no loss there. As for her acting career, Lohan has recently appeared in clunkers like Labor Pains, Georgia Rule and I Know Who Killed Me, all of which took a combined total of four weeks in theaters to reach the stores of your local DVD rental facility, I believe. In other words, she’s not exactly the most in-demand actress right now and taking care of her legal woes shouldn’t be a huge issue. In spite of Lohan’s indifference to those legal isses, Judge Revel handed her yet another chance, albeit a chance accompanied by some hollow threats. Revel said that while she wanted Lohan to have her career, she could not "thumb your nose" at the court. "This is the last time we are going to be talking about re-enrolling and doing what you need to do," Revel told Lohan. The judge als said any travel beyond 21 days that would cause her to miss meetings must be approved by the court. This is merely the latest chapter of a saga stemming from Lohan’s two arrests on charges of driving under the influence in 2007, the first of which came after Lohan lost control of her Mercedes-Benz convertible and struck a curb in Beverly Hills. She did the requisite celebrity rehab stint, which seemed to work well because just two weeks after checking out of a Malibu drug and alcohol rehab facility, she was arrested again in July 2007 after a woman called Santa Monica police saying Lohan was trying to run her down with a car. Stunningly, she was also drunk at that time and was subsequently sentenced to three years' probation after she entered guilty and no-contest pleas to the charges. Back in March, the judge issued a warrant for her arrest when the court did not have updated information showing she was in compliance with the requirements of her three-year probation sentence. The warrant was dropped when her lawyer provided the information. By this point, the average lush/drunk driver/lazy piece of crap would be in jail and out of second chances, but thankfully the wheels of justice turn a little more slowly and less judiciously for the rich and famous, God bless America……….


- Can’t say as I’m all that surprised to see director Spike Jonze and Warner Bros.’ Where the Wild Things Are win the box office earnings race for the weekend. A lot of people I know went to see the movie and while reviews have been mixed and at times extremely opinionated one way or the other, the $32.5 million take for the remake of Maurice Sendak’s classic children’s book was to be expected. It was the best debut even for Jonze, whose two previous films, Being John Malkovich and Adaptation, ended their domestic runs at $22.9 million and $22.5 million, respectively. Of course, with a its reported $80 million budget, Wild Things, has a long way to go before it begins turning a profit. While families and kids were flocking to Wild Things, the childless adults were clearly eager to see Law Abiding Citizen, starring Jamie Foxx and Gerard Butler, which snagged second place with $21.3 million. In third place was Paranormal Activity, the horror thriller that raked in up $20.2 million from a mere 760 theaters as it continued to be the box-office phenomenon that no one saw coming. Paramount waged an interesting marketing campaign by asking internet users to “demand” the movie to come to their town. Paranormal’s $26,530 per screen average for the weekend was impressive, but when you factor in the fact that it was produced on a budget of $11,000, it’s downright stunning. With the movie expected to reach 1,800 theaters next weekend, it could easily be the most profitable movie to come out this year by the time all is said and done. Rounding out the top five were the Vince Vaughn comedy Couples Retreat (fourth with $17.9 million) and the Penn Badgley-starring The Stepfather, a remake of the 1987 original (fifth with $12.3 million). Of that $12.3 million, methinks that a lot of the money came from the scores of Gossip Girl fans who flocked to see their beloved Dan Humphrey (Bagdley’s GG character’s name) on the big screen. Joel and Ethan Coen’s A Serious Man continued its strong start as it expanded to 82 theaters and grossed $860,257 for a solid $10,491 per-screen average. New York, I Love You, a collection of short films dedicated to the city, also opened well as it earned $372,000 from 119 theaters. Overall, revenues were up 41 percent from the same time last year, when Max Payne opened to $17.6 million. Maybe with the crappy weather currently blanketing much of the country, people were hoping that a trip to the theater could brighten their gloomy day. Typically that would be asking too much of the drivel occupying our nation’s multiplexes at any given time, but this was one weekend with enough solid films to make a trip to the movies worthwhile. Enjoy it while it lasts…………

Bon Jovi, corporate sellouts to NBC, this Saturday in college football and a farming family in New York needs a sense of humor

- Memo to you, Dionne family of New Scotland, New York: Get the f**k over it and grow a sense of humor. See, the Dionne clan is angry because they own a farm and earlier this week, someone slipped into their barn and stole one of their show goats. While I didn’t know there were show goats - show horses, sure - and don’t really care what sort of shows these goats are in (Broadway, talent shows, etc.), I do care that the Dionne family is so eager to cast blame for the alleged theft on local college fraternities. Furthermore, they claim that last year, a group of college students were seen hiding around the farm's perimeter and were chased off. Being the amateur sleuths they clearly are, the family was able to get the license plate in that situation and claim they later found out it was a fraternity prank to steal livestock. This time around, Bluebird, an eight-month-old Lamancha goat, was goat-napped in the middle of the night. What I don’t get and what the Dionne family needs to explain is why they’re so pissed off about this incident because in the end, the missing goat was found a few miles away dressed up in a tutu. Bluebird is back in her barn and although she is battling a bout of pneumonia, she’s expected to be fine. The goat-napping took place sometime Monday night or early Tuesday morning, according to Bluebird’s owners. "Bluebird was not where I left her and she would not be able to get out of the barn because all the doors were shut tight," Sue Dionne explained. Even though her goat was returned, Sue Dionne has been beating down the doors of every law enforcement agency in the area, hounding both the sheriff's department about the break-in and the Albany police. Her theory about the goat-napping being a frat prank (okay, so the tutu may suggest that to some degree) stems from an encounter she had Tuesday afternoon when two college students stopped at the gate and asked if they could buy a chicken. For some reason, she took great offense to the question and gave the two visitors a piece of her mind. "I said if you have any common decency, you're going to go back to those fraternities and see where that goat is and call either the sheriff's department or me," Dionne said. What makes her attitude even more galling is that Dionne’s own daughter is a college student studying animal science in Cobleskill, so she should know exactly the sort of mindset that college students have. How about a little tolerance and a sense of humor, wench? They didn’t harm your sheep at all, they just left it and tied to a lamp post behind the state's Wadsworth Lab near Albany Medical Center, clad in a tutu. Assuming that there were no truly offensive, unspeakable acts committed with the goat as some sort of hazing ritual, be grateful that nothing terrible happened. "It's just wrong for the fraternities to use animals in hazing or pledging, especially if they're going to steal them from someone," Dionne said. Okay lady, they didn’t steal, they borrowed. They made no attempt to keep your sheep, they just borrowed it and left it behind when they were done. I know sheep farmers aren’t notorious for the great sense of humor, but you need to lighten up. So far, no arrests have been made in the case and the Dionne's plan to put up surveillance cameras around their farm to prevent future goat borrowings. As always, good to know that there are still sticks in the mud with no sense of humor that the rest of us can mock and heckle because they can’t take a joke……………


- I’m not sure how to react to the fact that I have an environmental/ecosystem disaster or disaster-in-the-making to share with you all on a near-daily basis. While I’m happy to be able to shine a light on these problems and hopefully bring more attention to them, the fact that there are so many problems to report on is disturbing. Today’s crisis is being billed as "a humanitarian disaster" facing up to 30 million people as one of Africa's biggest lakes shrinks, Lake Chad, continues to shrink at an alarming rate. The warning comes from the United Nations’ Food and Agriculture Organization, which explained that in 1963, Lake Chad was about the size of Maryland and by 2001, it covered less than one-fifth of that area -- making it smaller than Delaware. The lake is drying up and in the process, fueling conflict and migration. That’ll happen when you have one of the biggest bodies of water in the world, depended upon by millions of people for their water supply, and that body of water begins to evaporate into thin air. Worse still, the lake could disappear entirely in about 20 years, the FAO said. "If that happens it's going to be a disaster," Parviz Koohafkan, director of the Land and Water Division of the FAO, said in stating the obvious. The Lake Chad basin supports an incredible amount of biodiversity along with the 20 million people - mostly fisherpeople and farmers - who make their living off of the lake. These are incredibly poor people whose lifestyles are inextricably linked to their ability to work on and around the water. Already, the shrinking of the lake has resulted in a 60 percent decline in fish production, degradation of pasturelands and a shortage of animal feed estimated at 45 percent in certain places in 2006. The reason for the lake’s disappearance is no mystery: climate change, population pressure and natural variations in climate. The two rivers which feed the lake, the Chari and Logone, have been significantly reduced in the past 40 years, further compounding the problem. The FAO presented its study into the diversion of the Oubangui river in an effort to help Lake Chad at a conference, "Saving Lake Chad," on Friday. Hopefully the attendees took notice and were inspired to action, because this is an issue that affects four countries bordered by Lake Chad: Cameroon, Chad, Niger and Nigeria. Shrinking by 83 percent (9,652 square miles in 1963 to 579 square miles in 2001) is beyond alarming - it’s a crime. Lake Chad isn't the only body of water in the world experiencing this sort of peril, but it’s in an area that is far more impoverished than any other region in the same situation. A solution for this problem has to be found and found soon………….


- Fans of Florida, Texas, Boise State and USC could be down after this weekend because their teams barely escaped with one-score wins over inferior opponents. For example, Florida needed a last-second field goal to defeat unranked Arkansas in a home game for the Gators and Texas eeked out a three-point neutral-site win over an Oklahoma team that lost star quarterback Sam Bradford to a recurring shoulder injury eight plays into the game. So fans of those teams could feel bad…..or they could look at Ohio State and realize that things could be much, much worse. There just can’t be a more humbled team and fan base in all of college football right now than Ohio State, which fumbled (literally) away a win over previously 1-4 Purdue with five turnovers and JaMarcus Russell-ian performance from quarterback Terrell Pryor, who lost a fumble, threw two interceptions and barely completed half of his passes. The seventh-ranked Buckeyes lost 26-18 to a team that no top 10 team should never, ever lose to, period. As hard to swallow as their home loss to USC in September was for OSU, this is worse because they were exposed as an overrated, offensively stunted team with one of the most over-hyped quarterbacks in all of college football. As for the other teams I mentioned, the games were actually fairly solid. USC went into Notre Dame and had a back-and-forth battle on its hands, winning 34-27 by stopping the Fighting Irish from scoring on four plays from inside the 10-yard-line at the end of the game. Florida was significantly less inspiring, giving up six sacks to an Arkansas team that had been one of the worst in the nation defensively prior to today. Yet UF managed a 23-20 win to keep them in the running for the national championship. Boise State (a seven-point win Thursday night at Tulsa) and Texas (a 16-13 clunker over Oklahoma in the Red River Shootout) also kept their title dreams alive, theoretically anyhow. Life was not nearly as good for Nebraska, which celebrated its No. 15 ranking by laying an egg at home in a 31-10 loss to Texas Tech. But at least the Huskers were better than fellow Big 12 member Texas A&M, which was b*tch-slapped by 3-3 Kansas State, 62-14, in a game where A&M didn’t score a point until they were already trailing 59-0 in the third quarter. Another standout offensive effort was turned in by Bowling Green receiver Freddie Barnes, who followed last week’s 22-reception, 278-yard, two-touchdown effort against lowly Kent State with a 10-catch, 160-yard, three-touchdown effort in a win over Ball State. Incidentally, that loss keeps Ball State as one of three winless Mid-American Conference teams, with Eastern Michigan (0-6) and Miami of Ohio (0-7) the others. The MAC is the only D-1 conference with three winless teams, plus Akron with one win that came over a Division 1-AA opponent (Morgan State). In other words, the MAC is by far the worst D-1 conference; it’s not close. One non-major conference member I’d like to draw your attention to is Idaho, which has literally been a Western Athletic Conference doormat for years, one of the worst teams in D-1 on an annual basis and moved to 6-1, 3-0 in the WAC on the season with a 34-23 win over Hawaii. While having to play in freaking frigid Moscow, Idaho (albeit inside a dome) couldn’t have been easy for the Rainbow Warriors, big ups to Idaho for proving that Boise State isn't the only team in the Potato State (my designation) that can play quality football. The other top-notch game of the day came from the ACC in a contest that was exciting but also robbed the league of its only hope for landing a team in the national championship game. Fourth-ranked Virginia Tech, which had been rolling of late, was done in by the triple-option offense of Georgia Tech in a 28-23 defeat. Yes, the Yellow Jackets, ranked 19th coming into the game, have only one loss on the season, but they have zero chance to play in the BCS title game. The Hokies were the last real hope for the ACC and now that hope is dead. Oh, and the race to be the nation’s worst unbeaten team that had been raging on between two Midwestern neighbors, Iowa and Kansas, is over. After Iowa won 20-10 at Wisconsin. Kansas lost 30-27 at Colorado, to drop from the ranks of the unbeaten. But while Iowa still has not lost a game, clearly they are nowhere close to being on par with Florida, Texas or USC. Lastly, the first BCS standings of the season come out tomorrow (and yes, the BCS is still the Bullsh*t Crap Shoot and should be replaced by a playoff system), so there still something to look forward to this college football weekend………….


- Know what’s been conspicuously absent of late in this country? Overt, blatant and hideously outdated racism, that’s what. For some odd reason, being a blatant racist has become so stigmatized that the remaining racists in this country (and they are out there) have gone underground, unwilling or afraid to espouse their backwards, idiotic views publicly on a regular basis. As such, a hearty welcome to the public eye for Keith Bardwell, justice of the peace for Tangipahoa (Louisiana) Parish's 8th Ward. In his capacity as a justice of the peace, marrying people and the associated duties of that practice are the staples of Bardwell’s job. So when Beth Humphrey and her boyfriend, Terence McKay, both of Hammond, La., came to him requesting a marriage license, it should have been just like any other couple in love looking to wed. The problem came when Humphrey called Bardwell on October 6 to ask about getting a marriage license. Bardwell’s wife answered the phone and asked Humphrey whether it would be an interracial marriage. When she answered in the affirmative, Bardwell’s wife informed her told that Bardwell does not sign off on interracial marriages. Why? Because he is supposedly concerned for the children who might be born of the relationship and that, in his experience, most interracial marriages don't last. "I'm not a racist," Bardwell said. "I do ceremonies for black couples right here in my house. My main concern is for the children." Wow…..just wow. Could you be more racist and backwards if you tried? What year are you living in, my man? For the rest of us, this is 2009, not 1959. If two people of different races or ethnic backgrounds get together and have a child, there really isn't a stigma attached to that child. Also, saying that if your experience, most interracial marriages don't last, is basically a way of saying that races shouldn’t mix and that when they do, bad things happen. Bro, 1963 just called and it will be glad to have you and your bass-ackwards viewpoints back any time. For an illustration of just how jacked up this is, know that I am actually agreeing with the freaking NAACP on this one. Yes, the same NAACP is routinely rip for being a bunch of race-card-playing fire starters who look to interject race and discrimination into every situation whether it’s relevant or not. Speaking about this case, the president of the NAACP branch of Tangipahoa Parish had nothing good to say about Bardwell’s decision. “He's an elected public official and one of his duties is to marry people. He doesn't have the right to say he doesn't believe in it," Patricia Morris stated. "If he doesn't do what his position calls for him to do, he should resign from that position." Morris is 100 percent correct and the fact that Bardwell and his wife referred the couple to another justice of the peace who gave them a license and married them doenst make this any less offensive. Humphrey and McKay have since contacted an attorney and are looking at possible next steps in their case against Bardwell. "We would like him to resign," Humphrey said. "He doesn't believe he's being racist, but it is racist.” Well said, Beth, well said. I just wish it was something that didn’t need to be said in the first place…………


- Everyone give a big salute to Bon Jovi, corporate sellouts. Okay, so maybe that’s not fair to Bon Jovi. After all, being corporate sellouts is something they’ve been doing for a long time now. John Bon Jovi is one of the most corporate, business-type musicians around, as evidenced by the fact that he was the owner of the Philadelphia Soul of the now-defunct Arena Football League and is basically the darling of every corporate entity related to the music business in any way. I’m not saying that no good has come out of Bon Jovi’s career, as he has done and continues to do a lot of charity work and community building in and around his home region of Philadelphia and surrounding communities. In fact, John Bon Jovi seems like a genuinely good guy and is well-liked by those who know him. However, from a strictly musical standpoint, the fact that his band is looking to cram its new album down the public’s throats by inking a deal to become the de facto artist in residence with NBC, its affiliated cable TV networks, and all its news, information and digital brands is nothing short of offensive. The band will perform on NBC's "Today" show on four Wednesdays in November and Jon Bon Jovi will be a guest on cable channel Bravo's "Inside the Actor's Studio," as well as the subject of a character showcase on the company's USA network. All of this is designed to drum up interest for the band’s new studio album "The Circle," which launches on Nov. 12. To hold up its end of the deal, NBC will be force-feeding select tracks from the album into its network and cable programming.
Way to stay relevant and current, NBC. Nothing screams, “We’re not behind the times!” quite like partnering with a past-its-prime former ‘80s hair metal band who has about four fans under the age of 45. Can’t say that the chance to hear new music from Bon Jovi is going to have much appeal to the young, cool viewership that networks always like to attract. Nor do I see this giving much of a boost to NBC’s status as the lowest-rated among the four leading U.S. TV networks. Perhaps the allure of partnering with a band that has sold more than 120 million albums worldwide was too much for the Peacock to pass up, but I sincerely wish they had. Seeing as I am not a jean-jacket-wearing, stuck-in-the-80s fan of corporate rockers, there are just too many better options out there. Of course, any band with respect for its credibility and artistic integrity would pass on the chance to become a bunch of corporate shills being foisted down the public’s throats, so maybe not………..

A Smallville recap, soccer still irrelevant in this country and the world's latest environmental "Uh-oh!"

- Time to celebrate, America! The United States has qualified for 2010 World Cup in South Africa! Wait, why am I shouting? This is soccer we’re talking about, after all, whoop-de-do. A solid 0.04 percent of the American public gives a rat’s ass about soccer, with most of those being kids whose sole association with the sport is putting on brightly colored uniforms, kicking the ball around aimlessly for a couple of hours and enjoying a Capri Sun pouch and orange wedges after the game. For those old enough to vote, soccer is waaaaay down the sports interest chart, behind football, basketball, baseball, golf, tennis, hockey, track and field, X-Games, dodgeball and fencing. Notice I didn’t include auto racing in that list, mostly because auto racing still is not a sport. Bearing all of that in mind, it wouldn’t be surprising if you had no idea that the U.S. won its World Cup qualifying group, the CONCACAF (Confederation of North, Central American and Caribbean Association Football) region. Apparently the U.S. not only won the group by tallying the most points via scoreless ties and 1-0 high-scoring affairs (just kidding, soccer fans), but the Americans were also the highest scoring team in their group, which also included Mexico, Honduras, Costa Rica, Trinidad & Tobago and El Salvador. Of course, being the highest scoring team in a qualifying group in international soccer usually means scoring about .7 goals per game on average, so don’t get too excited. Nor should you be too pumped up that the U.S. will now be a part of the biggest event in all of soccer. The world’s best teams will be there to compete, teams like Brazil and Argentina, teams that will clobber the U.S. if they face one another on the field of play (or pitch, as you soccer losers call the field). Anyone who hopes that the strong showings by the Americans in recent international competitions are going to vault them into the elite of the soccer world are begging. Besides, even if we cease to completely suck at soccer, that doesn’t mean the average American sports fan is suddenly going to care about a bunch of dudes with hideous, greasy soccer hair running around not scoring goals while falling down and faking an injury every time an opposing player comes into their ZIP code by throwing themselves to the ground and writhing around as if they’ve been shot. Plain and simple, soccer is not, has not been and will never been a major sport here in the United States and for that reason, anything “we” accomplish in soccer is going to continue to be irrelevant and go unnoticed………………

- It was an explosive night on Smallville – or at least it was supposed to be. The Toy Man, a.k.a. Winslow Schott, made his triumphant return. Last season, Schott emerged as the madman who had been fired by Oliver Queen’s Queen Industries and sought revenge by placing bombs inside toys and looking to kill Oliver with them. Oliver gained revenge by framing Schott for Lex Luthor’s murder, but now Ollie has fallen off the grid. Schott is determined to smoke him out of hiding and force him to face his crimes. As step one, Schott takes hostages at a factory owned by Queen Industries, rigging one employee with a bomb on a timer that will go off and kill everyone in the room. Unfortunately for Schott, Clark Kent super speeds onto the scene, removes the hostages and rips the bomb off the wired man. CK takes the blow when the bomb goes off, absorbing the explosion and emerging unharmed. Some people are injured by the explosion, but no one dies. Post-explosion, Clark changes into his civilian attire in a phone booth (a nice Superman homage) and steps out of the booth only to be met by Lois Lane, who has heard about the explosion and is there to cover it for the Daily Planet. While talking to Lois, Clark realizes that the explosion has done something odd to him. He can now hear people’s thoughts, specifically Lois. After hearing some revealing thoughts about how she really views him, Clark wonders what is going on. Clark talks to Chloe about his new ability because she’s an expert on all things “Wall of Weird,” but she draws a blank. He goes to the Fortress to ask Jor-El what’s going on and his Kryptonian father informs him that this is a temporary ability to help him along in his training, to alert him to the fact that there is danger all around him that he isn't picking up on. If he understands how humans think and perceive, he will be better able to protect them, Jor-El reasons. Meanwhile, the aforementioned Oliver Queen is drinking his sorrows away at a dive bar somewhere in Mexico, too drunk to really care much but sober enough to throw all of his money on the bar and buy drinks for two local hotties. When the hotties’ husbands show up and object to Oliver’s act, he make a wise crack and gets punched in the face repeatedly for his efforts. The fight ends abruptly when automatic weapon fire begins flying, courtesy of Tess Mercer. She’s tracked Oliver down because the stock for the merged LuthorCorp/Queen Industries company is in the crapper and she wants him to come back and address their shareholders to assure them that it’s all good. Tess also tells Oliver that he’s clearly punishing himself for something and asks if he wants to talk, but he cuts through the offer with a sharp blade and gets right to what she wants from him. Her request to speak to the shareholders accepted, Tess flies back to Metropolis with Oliver, where a black-tie event at the Ace of Clubs has been arranged for the occasion. The night is also a special one for Clark and Lois, who have been at the hospital talking to the witnesses from the bombing at the factory. Clark has been using his new power of perception to get the truth from the witnesses, but none of them know enough to reveal the whole story. Convinced that they’ve hit a dead end, Clark and Lois decide to call it a night. But when Clark reads Lois’ thoughts and hears that she’s been wanting to go to a monster truck rally in Metropolis, he suggests they go – but no as a date. No, it’s “something like a date,” but not a date. Lois agrees, psyched that Clark has asked her out. Chloe finds her cousin back at her Talon apartment, making cutoff shorts from her jeans and donning a sleeveless flannel shirt to perfect her monster truck rally getup. When Chloe hears that it’s Clark that Lois is going out with, she realizes that CK has been using his power to read Lois mind and trick her into going out with him. She confronts Clark at the Planet to warn him not to hurt Lois, but he confronts her with the truth that he was merely trying to shake Lois for the night so he could pursue information he got from reading the mind of a witness at the hospital. Realizing that the Toy Man is back in town, Clark is trying to find him. Chloe says that Oliver has come back for the event at the Ace of Clubs and Clark realizes that’s where Toy Man is planning his attack. At the club, Clark reads the mind of the door man to find out a name on the guest list and is about to head inside when a huge monster truck rolls up and out hops Lois. She’s heard all about the event and the story Clark is working on and is not about to be sidelined. Her attitude changes inside the club when Clark insists he can fly solo and get the job done. A miffed Lois leaves and Clark joins the crowd as Oliver takes to the podium to address his shareholders. The shareholders’ thoughts reveal that they are less than thrilled with Ollie, so his speech needs to be good. Instead, Schott has hijacked the teleprompter and tells Oliver to put in an earpiece set out on the podium. Through the earpiece, he directs Oliver to read everything on the teleprompter or else Schott will blow up a bomb located right under his feet. Try to flee and the bomb also goes off because it’s rigged to a pressure plate. And so Oliver reads, a painful speech about how selfish he has been and of the crimes he has committed. Clark X-rays the stage and sees the bomb during the speech, so he calls Chloe and asks her to hack into the club’s security feed to find out where Schott is at. Back on the podium, Oliver keeps speaking and gets to the coup de grace, his confession to being a murderer. He can’t bring himself to say it and the clock on the bomb is ticking, but Chloe finally hacks the security system, sets off the alarm and causes everyone to evacuate the building. Once they’re out, Clark spots Schott in the back, grabs him and super speeds to the roof. He interrogates Schott about the bomb, dangling him over the edge of the roof to get the information. Schott tells him that Oliver doesn’t have long before the bomb goes off, but something about his demeanor doesn’t sit right with Clark. The real Winslow Schott would be terrified of being thrown over the edge and would want to live to see Oliver killed, so Clark acts on a hunch and uses his heat vision to melt what turns out to be the prosthetic face off of a robotic Schott look-alike. Inside the mask it the timer for the bomb, which has been ruined by Clark’s heat vision. The real Toy Man is at large, so Clark sprints back into the club and finds Oliver stepping off of the pressure plate. When Clark asks Ollie how he knew the pressure plate wasn’t real and that the bomb wouldn’t go off if he stepped off of it, Oliver confesses that he didn’t know. He was willing to die but waited until everyone else got out safely. Once the scene is cleared, Clark finds Oliver outside the building and has a chat with his friend. He tells Oliver that he’s simply missed a lot of what’s going on around him, including how bad things have been going for Oliver. In turn, Ollie admits that he’s been living a life that’s a lie, simply stepping into the same life his parents left when they were tragically murdered years ago. CK promises that he hasn’t given up on Oliver and for the first time in a long time, Oliver seems willing to fight for his life as well. Elsewhere in the city, Chloe has been able to track the feed from Oliver’s earpiece to the real Winslow Schott and he’s been arrested and hauled off to jail. In the interrogation room, he demands his lawyer, but instead it’s Tess Mercer who walks into the room. She’s managed to bribe the officer on guard somehow and get some alone time with the Toy Man. Her first move is to put a bullet in his knee, then inform him that the guard will simply say he tried to flee and had to be stopped. She then kneels down on the floor beside the wounded Toy Man and opens up a large metal box, telling him it’s his newest toy. Inside is the Kryptonite-powered heart that General Zod and his crew implanted in John Corben, a.k.a. Metallo, last episode before he was killed by the Blur. Tess wants Schott to work with the artificial heart and figure out how it works, a task he seems more than willing to do. All in all, a pretty linear episode, with everything clustered around the same general storyline. Not the best episode of Smallville I’ve ever seen, although it was fun seeing the seeds planted (albeit heavy-handedly) about the budding Lois-Clark romance, which included the final scene in which they talked “theoretically” about what “people” in their situation would do if one stood the other up for a first date and wanted another shot. No actual Zod screen time this week, so tune back in next week to see if that changes……………

- In what is fast becoming a regular (and unwelcome) feature here, it’s time for our weekly installment of “Uh-oh! For the Environment.” Basically, it’s a look at what part of our environment, ecosystem or habitat is colossally f’ed up and in danger of extinction/destruction/disappearance. This week, it’s the Arctic ice caps - at least during the summer months - according to data released Thursday by the Catlin Arctic Survey and the World Wildlife Fund. The study examined ice thickness in the Arctic and based on the findings, researchers postulated that the Arctic Ocean will be "largely ice free" during summer within a decade. These same experts predict that within 20 years ice cover will be completely gone during the warmer months. Leading the way for the expedition, which was completed in May, was well-known explorer Pen Hadow. He and his team did hands-on research by drilling into the ice and recording its thickness along a 450-kilometer route across the northern part of the Beaufort Sea. During their exploration, Hadow and his crew found that the area surveyed was comprised almost exclusively of first year ice. Traditionally, the region has been made up of much older, thicker ice. "Discovering this area of younger ice provides another body of information that supports the rapidly emerging scientific consensus that it's going to be nearer 10 years from now that we will see roughly 80-85 percent free waters in the Arctic Ocean," Hadow explained. Measurements taken by Hadow and his team report that the ice-floes were on average 1.8 meters thick. If you haven’t kept up on your Arctic ice math, that means the ice is too thin to survive next summer's ice melt. "We are now in a loss period," Hadow stated. "Maybe losing this sea ice, this roof on the top of our planet in going to be an important moment, a big visual aid to the science that in combination can bring about some sort of global agreement on emissions." Martin Sommerkorn from the WWF International Arctic Program piled on further, saying that he believes that the changes in sea-ice cover in the region are likely to increase global temperatures further. "Such a loss of Arctic sea ice has recently been assessed to set in motion powerful climate feedbacks which will have an impact far beyond the Arctic itself," Sommerkorn said. "Arctic sea ice holds a central position in our Earth's climate system. Take it out of the equation and we are left with a dramatically warmer world.” Great. Look what you’ve done now, world. Even in the freaking Arctic, ice can’t survive year round. But hey, somewhere in America, our ass hat of a former president W. is probably still adamant that global warming doesn’t exist and that all is just fine with the environment. It’s tools like him who have exacerbated this problem and have basically signed the death warrant for these Arctic ice caps. Hope you’re happy now, enviro-haters…………

- Feel my excitement, everyone. It’s just oozing from every inch of my being because of news that Garth Brooks said Thursday he was coming out of retirement after nine years away from the music business. As previously stated, I am a huge country music fan - as long as by “huge fan,” you mean I hate it with every fiber of my being, think it’s one of the three worst genres in all of music (along with techno/dance and disco) and wish it had never existed. Brooks made the announcement at a press conference at the Grand Ole Opry in Nashville, followed by a second announcement Thursday from a different location, to which Brooks transported a number of media members of the news. But even with his comeback, the man responsible for….well, whatever the frak this yahoo sang before he retired, Brooks is only coming back to one half of the music business. He won't be going on tour any time soon, according to spokeswoman Nancy Seltzer. "If he tours again, it still won't be until his youngest goes to college," Seltzer said. Even without a tour, Brooks’ return is noteworthy (at least in country music circles) because his albums have sold in excess of 100 million copies. Maybe he’s reluctant to begin touring again because he was infamous for making his concerts into huge spectacles in which he pushed himself, his band and his crew to ridiculous lengths to put on a show. No word on whether Brooks alter ego rock singer, Chris Gaines, will also be coming out of retirement. When Brooks hung up his guitar in 2000, he cited a desire to spend more time with his family. Perhaps that desire has been fulfilled or perhaps he’s just sick of his family, but either way, expect his first album of new material since 2001’s "Scarecrow" some time in the months ahead. I know that I’m totally psyched for it and will be sure to go out and pick up the album…..just as soon as I get rid of all my good taste in music, have both of my ear drums removed and am paid to go pick up what is sure to be a terrible album……….

- Sunday was not a good day for the Jacksonville Jaguars. Coming off of back-to-back wins to salvage their season for the time being, the Jags boarded a plane and traveled across the country in literally one of the longest possible road trips in the NFL, a game in Seattle. With all of their momentum and Seattle’s lackluster performance in the first four weeks of the season, there was hope that the Jags would be able to overcome the curse that inevitably plagues teams making a road trip to the opposite coast. That hope evaporated thanks to an inept Jacksonville offense that was shut out in a 41-0 beatdown that was easily the widest margin of victory in the league this season and should hold up as such for the remainder of the year. Quarterback David Garrard was sacked four times, fumbled on two of those sacks and stud running back Maurice Jones-Drew gained a measly 34 yards on the ground. The team was also without one of its top offensive weapons in rising young receiver Mike Sims-Walker, who was coming off a two-touchdown effort in the team’s previous game and has easily been one of the top surprises at his position in the NFL this season. Was Sims-Walker (the Jaguars seem to love guys with hyphenated last names) injured? Nope. Was he sick? No again. Did he do something stupid and get himself arrested or in trouble with the law? Again, no. So why wasn’t he on the field Sunday? Well, right before kickoff, the team announced Sims-Walker had been deactivated for the game because of the infamous violation of team rules. No one knew what that cryptic message meant, but come to find out that Sims-Walker missed bed check at the team hotel Friday night because……well, because dude was getting after it with a female friend and their session in the sack went a little long. This chick must have gotten a room in the same hotel as the team and when the coaches went around doing bed check that night, Sims-Walker was nowhere to be found. When the coaches did find out where their top receiver had been, they weren’t placated. Being in the hotel isn't good enough, nor is not doing anything illegal or dangerous. My man Mike, I get that your lady friend in the Seattle area is someone you may not get to see that often on account of living on opposite sides of the country, but that doesn’t mean you get a mulligan when it comes to sleeping with her and missing bed check. If you’re going to get with this chick, you need to find a way to do so before lights out, period. Heck, if all else fails you can simply wait until after bed check, ask your roommate to go hang out in the lobby and sneak your woman into the room. Instead, you went full-on bonehead and while your absence wouldn’t have changed the outcome of the game, perhaps your team could have managed a touchdown or two…………

The bitterness of losing, Panama joins a great club and you chance to look like a "Mad Man"

- Bitter about losing much, Robert Allenby? Allenby, an Australian golfer and member of the International team in last week’s Presidents Cup in San Francisco, competed in several four-man matches during the event, but it’s his singles match against U.S. golfer Anthony Kim that is clearly causing problems for Allenby. He was hammered by Kim 5 and 3, which basically means that over the match’s first 15 holes, Kim won five more than Allenby. In match play events, the winner is determined by which player wins more holes. Whoever has the best score on a hole wins it and if both golfers post the same score on a hole, it is halved. The match ends when one golfer has an advantage in holes won that his or her opponent cannot overcome even by winning every remaining hole. A 5 to 3 win is a major beatdown in match play, so it’s safe to say that Kim basically curb-stomped Allenby. So how does Allenby handle a harsh loss when his team also lost the event 19½-14½ as the U.S. retained the Presidents Cup? By alleging that his opponent was out until 4 a.m. the morning before the match getting hammered, that’s how. After the match, Allenby said he'd heard Kim arrived back at the hotel "sideways." "Maybe we should all take the theory of Anthony Kim," Allenby said. "Get home at 4 o'clock [in the morning] and then go shoot 6 under." Someone sounds a little bitter about getting beat if you ask me. For some odd reason, Kim and U.S. team captain Fred Couples weren’t down with Allenby alleging that one of their team’s best players was bar hopping the night before a big match rather than laying low and getting ready to compete. Couples said in an interview on Wednesday that Kim was "crushed" by comments from Allenby. "I promise you, there's no way you can go out and beat a guy like Robert Allenby 5 and 3 if you're out until 4 in the morning. There's just no way," Fred Couples declared. "It kind of crushed him. It was the best week that he ever had and those comments kind of crushed him." Asked to comment on the allegations, Kim was direct and firm. "Absolutely false," he said. "I was at the hotel, had dinner with the team, met my buddies for about 20 minutes, then went straight to my room. I was in tip-top shape. If Robert had that to say, he maybe needs to practice a little more." On Wednesday, after the story had broken and every had time to simmer down and consult with their respective PR reps, cooler heads prevailed. Both players released statements through the PGA Tour with Allenby apologizing while going with the old standby of every public figure who says something stupid and wants to double back, that his comments “were taken out of context.” Kim did the professional thing and accepted the apology before stating that "we are both moving on." As for Kim, he does have a valid reputation as a guy who likes to party and go out, although he has made a concerted effort to scale back his partying the past couple of years and focus on his game. For this instance, his captain has his back and Couples maintains that Kim spent most of his time "working out" and spending time with a college roommate. There is a chance that Allenby and Kim could face each other again at the Volvo World Match Play Championship at the end of the month, where I’m sure there will be a staged, forced face-to-face meeting in which both men smile, shake hands and say that this whole incident is behind them. Just don’t expect any of us to believe that, fellas…………

- Welcome to the club, Panama! It was getting lonely there for a while for the United States in terms of nations in the Western Hemisphere who torture people and blatantly violate the rights of international prisoners, so it’s good of you to join in. Sure, you don’t have super-secret CIA prisons on foreign soil where your (alleged) torture sessions take place, but you’re a beginner at this. Let’s look at what happened and see if I can't give you a few pointers to help you step your torture game up, k? All right, so I see here that the Inter-American Court of Human Rights has been called in to investigate whether you tortured an Ecuadorian citizen who was being held as an illegal immigrant. The immigrant, some dude named Jesus Tranquilino Velez Loor, was arrested November 11, 2002, and deported to Ecuador on September 10, 2003. During his 10 months of imprisonment, he was supposedly held without receiving procedural guarantees, the right to be heard and the right to present a defense. "The case also involves the lack of investigation of complaints of torture presented by Mr. Velez Loor before the Panamanian authorities, as well as the inhumane conditions of detention under which he was held in several Panamanian penitentiaries," the human rights commission said in a release Tuesday. This court is actually part of the 35-nation Organization of American States, the group that has garnered so much attention of late because of its expulsion of Honduras because of its ouster of President Manuel Zelaya in a military coup. The court is taking up the case because it feels Panama did not adopt sufficient measures to address issues raised in a previous commission report. Velez Loor "was sentenced to a prison term for having repeatedly entered Panama illegally. ... Panamanian law provides that foreign nationals, who repeatedly enter Panama, without the necessary papers, will be imprisoned for two years and then deported," Panama said in a 2006 report. For Velez Loor’s part, he has admitted he entered Panama without proper papers or visas. He then a e-mailed complaint to the commission on February 10, 2004, "in which he claims to have undergone torture, forced isolation, and mistreatment at the hands of Panamanian police officers at two Panamanian detention centers without being given the opportunity to defend himself, without the benefit of any court of law, without being allowed to make a telephone call and while being deprived of all medical care." Panama has been denying those claims since 2006, but clearly the OAS isn't buying what they’re selling. Now, the OAS human rights commission, which consists of seven members who act in a personal capacity without representing any country, will be coming to town to see if you really do have what it takes to stand beside your American brethren in the illustrious world of foreign inmate torture…….

- The hit AMC series Mad Men continues to enjoy immense success despite the fact that I have never watched it or even had an interest in watching it, which astonishes me. If I don’t like a show or have an interest in it, you should go ahead and assume that it sucks as a general policy. But Mad Men is a huge hit anyhow and to cash in on that success, AMC is teaming up with Brooks Brothers to sell a limited-edition Mad Men suit, inspired by the “razor sharp 1960s tailoring favored by Don Draper and Roger Sterling.” Fans can expect a trim silhouette, grey sharkskin fabric, narrow two-button lapels, and diagonal pockets, giving all the guys out there looking to travel back in time and pay far too much money for a suit just the chance they’ve been looking for. The suit will set you back $998, which is just about the price range you would expect with a Brooks Brothers suit. Is it really worth it just so you can look like a character from your favorite TV show? I mean, I love Smallville, but I wouldn’t fork over hundreds of dollars for a red jacket, blue t-shirt and jeans so I could look like Tom Welling does in playing Clark Kent. For your $998 (couldn’t just round up and make it an even $1,000?), you will get THE official Mad Men suit, approved by the show’s costume designer, Janie Bryant. If you want to purchase this overpriced sartorial splurge, you need to act quickly. The suit will be available until the show’s finale on Nov. 8, but after that it’s gone for good. Who knows, maybe this is the year when you can afford to spend a grand on your Halloween costume and Don Draper is just the guy you want to look like. Personally I’d rather just cut some eye holes in a white sheet and go as a ghost or put on cheesy, tacky sunglasses, a brightly colored jacket, cut ugly patterns in my hair and go around interrupting people as Kanye West, but that’s just me. Do what you will with this information. Just know that if you do buy this suit, I will be laughing at you and not marveling at your great fashion sense………..

- Several years ago, Tim Robbins and Derek Luke starred in a movie called Man on Fire. Wednesday morning, a Belle Vernon, Pa. man starred in his very own feature that could well be titled Van on Fire. Carl Franklin Miller Jr. was happily motoring along Main Street in Belle Vernon shortly after 12:30 a.m. Wednesday when a concerned citizen phoned police about a vehicle on fire. Police and fire crews responded to the scene and spotted a burning 1993 Ford Econoline van. "The van was smoking, left a big trail of smoke coming down the road," Belle Vernon Firefighter Joel Davis said. One firefighter ran down the road beside the vehicle, trying to get Miller to stop. Even as the van was filling up with smoke and flames were coming from the engine, Miller zipped right past the police station and the fire department. "He wouldn't stop for nothing," a grammatically stunted Davis stated. "Ended up trying to stop him three times. Tried ramming my vehicle twice. On the third time, he must have put the vehicle in neutral and was smashing the gas." The fire crew was finally able to get Miller’s attention, after which he pulled over near the ramps from Main Street to Route 70. "We got out, grabbed him out of the van and told him, 'Hey, your van's on fire, what's your problem?' He didn't know where he was. Didn't know nothing," Davis said, still with a loose grasp on the finer grammatical points of the English language. Once the van had been stopped, firefighters worked on putting out the blaze and police officers attempted to figure out why Miller was driving merrily along with his van on fire. The officer who questioned Miller suspected him of driving under the influence, so he was placed under arrest and taken to Mon Valley Hospital, where blood was drawn. Police are waiting for results of the blood test, but I feel confident in saying that this guy was clearly drunk, high on something or tripping out of his mind, because this sounds like a bad stunt from a Will Ferrell comedy gone wrong at a minimum and the characters doing those stunts are invariably drunk, stoned or tripping on something. Should Miller manage to get out of this little incident without having to go to jail, perhaps he has a future as a stunt man or driver for action movies…………

- Box sets are all the rage these days with legendary music artists looking to cash in on their accomplished careers without actually putting out any new music or putting forth any additional effort. Sure, some of these artists are either deceased or certain members of their group have passed away and so new music becomes impossible, but that doesn’t mean that I’m cool with having to throw down $50 bucks or more for what amounts to a collection of music that I would already have if I were truly a fan of that artist. For example, it was just a month or so ago that the Beatles released a box set of their re-mastered catalogue and tried to convince fans to spend copious amounts of cash for said box set. As someone who already has the entire Beatles catalogue and is okay with the sound quality as is, I felt no compulsion to rush out and buy the box set. The latest musical legend to follow the box-set trend is none other than the King, Elvis Presley. Technically, it’s Presley’s estate and those who hold the rights to his recordings that are looking to mark Presley's 75th birthday in January with a 100-song box set called "Elvis 75: Good Rockin' Tonight." The for-disc set hit stores December 8, giving you enough time to buy and wrap it for the Elvis lover on your Christmas list. The collection literally spans Presley’s entire career, with the first disc opening with "My Happiness," the acetate recording Presley paid nearly four dollars to make at the Memphis Recording Service in July 1953 and the last disc concludes with "A Little Less Conversation (JXL Radio Remix Edit)," the 2002 track that hit No. 1 in more than 20 countries. That was also the year that "Elvis: 30 #1 Hits," was released and that collection has sold more than 5 million copies in the U.S. The box set will include ballads, early rock songs, movie songs, holiday songs and gospel songs. It also comes with an 80-page booklet featuring rare photos and a new essay by Billy Altman. No word yet on what the price will be, but go ahead and assume it will be far too high…………

The value of running marathons, the idiocy of scam victims and a boozing baby on a billboard

I can shed some firsthand wisdom on the following topic, given that I have completed 11 marathons and will be a participant in one of the races that I’m about to reference. With some of the nation's largest marathons - Chicago this Sunday, and in New York City and Philadelphia next month - some 75,000 Americans are expected to participate in these three races alone. With that in mind, the brighter minds among us are seeking to tackle the question of what tangible, long-term benefits are gained by running 26.2 miles. If you believe many fitness and dietary experts, marathons are the exercise equivalent of crash diets. If you know anything about crash diets and their aftermath, you know that’s not a good connection for anything to have itself tethered to. The one thing I’d like to point out is that from what I am seeing here, the researchers I am about to berate and belittle seem to be approaching marathon running from the angle of whether it is an effective tool for people looking to lose weight and keep it off long-term. It’s a misplaced concept to me because I’ve never been overweight and the vast majority of people I have run alongside in my 11 (and counting) marathons aren’t looking to lose weight. They run because they love running, because it keeps them healthy (instead of getting them healthy when they were not prior to running) and is a great way to relieve stress and get away from the pressures of the world. So when I hear that there's no evidence that running a marathon leads to lasting weight loss, my response is, “Duh.” But let’s hear from these experts before I totally dismiss their ideas, which I’m going to do anyhow. "If the marathon movement really got people at large to exercise, we wouldn't have the problems we do," said Steven Blair, a professor of public health at University of South Carolina. Steve-O, my man…..do you realize how few Americans have actually completed a marathon? The figure was 3 percent in 2008, a mere 425,000 people out of a nation of tens of millions. How exactly is the “marathon movement” supposed to help the millions and millions of FAT Americans if 97 percent of them have never completed a marathon. Perhaps if we could motivate these flabby sideline sitters to run at least a 10K or half-marathon, that would change. Talk to anyone who had manned up and completed a marathon and they will likely tell you a story about how the experience was one of the greatest things they have ever done and that their life is better for it. There is a wealth of scientific research showing that marathoners who remain steady runners after finishing a marathon enjoy incredible cardiovascular health while also lowering the risk of disorders of the eye and prostate, among other organs. The true story here is that 97 percent of this country hasn’t run a marathon when a large chunk of that 97 percent could do so if they weren’t so f’ing lazy. I’m not so much referring to the people who run 5K, 10K or half-marathon races, because at least those people are making an effort. Those people accounted for nearly 40% of the 8.9 million people who finished official races in the U.S. in 2007. If you are reading this and have never tried running or thought about running a marathon, know that a) you can more than likely do it and do it more successfully than you would think, b) it’s an incredible experience and c) you won't regret it, not for a second………..

- For nearly a half-century, Rev. Sun Myung Moon has been marrying people - lots of people. Now, they 89-year-old leader of the Unification Church is getting ready for a special celebration that will truly span the globe in a chain reaction of matrimonial madness. According to the Unification Church, Moon will wed or reaffirm the marriages of more than 40,000 people from the United States to South Korea. The actual Moon-attended ceremony will take place at Sun Moon University in Asan, south of Seoul, in a ceremony that will be broadcast live at similar events worldwide. More than 20,000 will participate in the ceremony in Asan, with the other half of the participants joining in via the live broadcast to their location of choice. One such "blessing ceremony" will take place at the Unification Church-owned New Yorker Hotel in Manhattan on Tuesday night. So why now for this momentous event? Well, Rev. Moon is turning over day-to-day leadership over to three of his 11 children as he prepares to celebrate his 90th birthday and his 50th wedding anniversary. The Unification Church has done this sort of mass ceremony before, but not for a decade. Now don’t take this as my being a big fan of Rev. Sun Myung Moon, because being a self-proclaimed Messiah who claims that at age 15, Jesus Christ called upon you to carry out his unfinished work is enough for me to call you a delusional tool every day of the week. I don’t care if you’ve been holding mass weddings since the early 1960s and having them for followers in Japan, Africa, the U.S. and elsewhere, even at Madison Square Garden, the world’s most famous arena. "My wish is to completely tear down barriers and to create a world in which everyone becomes one," Moon said in his recent autobiography. How very generic and nondescript of you, Rev. Moon. That’s as ambiguous a vision for world unity as I’ve ever heard, idiot. What’s truly kooky about these mass weddings ceremonies is that followers have often let Moon pick their spouses on the belief that he has divine insight met those mates for the first time at the mass weddings. Nothing says world-changing visionary and messiah quite like slamming people together in arranged marriages. Just know that the world not uniting behind your kooky vision and supporting what you’re about. R. Moon, we’re laughing….at you…..heartily……………

- The Connecticut Department of Mental Health and Addiction Services is getting exactly what it wanted and if you ask me, that’s not a good thing. The agency put up a billboard in the town of Deep River showing what appears to be a baby drinking from a bottle of beer. Aside from showing that babies know how to party too, what is the point of the billboard? Ostensibly it’s to get the message out about underage drinking. In addition to the boozing baby, the billboard also shows a couple of teenagers beer in hand surrounded by empties. Some locals are shocked and offended by the sight of a billboard on which someone holds a beer bottle up near the lips of a baby and makes it seem like there is no chance that any actual alcohol is going to make it anywhere near that baby’s mouth, but let’s face it, that’s not shocking. There will never cease to be oversensitive prudes who flip out at the most remotely, could-be-controversial things and fly into a blind rage when someone dares do something that they feel is in appropriate. Fact is, the outrage from these knobs is exactly what the Connecticut Department of Mental Health and Addiction Services was hoping for when it got together with Together We Can! to design and put up the billboard. As for the premise…..not really. Giving alcohol to an infant is nowhere near the same as providing alcohol to teenagers, sorry. Why the need to rain on the parade of the cool kids, Connecticut Department of Mental Health and Addiction Services? Just because no one invited you to any of the cool parties growing up and you didn’t get to down plastic cup after plastic cup of cheap beer and throw up in the bushes outside your buddies’ houses doesn’t mean you need to ruin the good time for everyone else, man. Quit being such a square, stop trying to talk people into following the law and not buying beer for minors and move on to something else more worthwhile, like people who are addicted to overreacting to billboards on the grounds that they are too controversial………

- I could try to muster some sympathy for Sherry Bailey of Midlands, S.C., but I’m not going to. As I’ve said time and time again, people who fall victim to Internet scams or scams of any type for that matter, are almost inevitably getting what they deserve when someone rips them off of tens of thousands of dollars. If you’re dumb enough to get taken by one of these IQ-deprived scumbags and hand over your life savings to them, then I am sorry to tell you that you are in fact a moron. This is true whether you are victimized by a Ponzi scheme, a pyramid scheme, a mail fraud scam or an Internet scam. So while it’s sad that Sherry Bailey’s husband of 14 years passed away and she was so lonely that she took to websites such as Match.com and OkCupid.com in her search for companionship, that does not excuse her from her stupidity in getting ripped off for nearly $50,000. Her story….well, I’ll allow Bailey to tell it. "This gentleman started corresponding. His name was Kelvin Nelson. He would send all kinds of love poems and love letters. He should be coming home from Nigeria soon. He was an independent contractor,” she said. But before he could come back to the states, he had to pay his workers. "He had a check for $2,000,000 he couldn't cash over there because it was a U.S. check." Oh boy…..you fell for that? Everyone - and I mean everyone - knows that any sort of “great” offer having to do with the Internet and Nigeria is a scam. How this fact could elude anyone with an IQ above 42 is confounding to me. In other words, when someone asks you for a large amount of money that you must send to them in order to receive a huge payout and they claim to be from or residing in Nigeria, run the other freaking direction as fast as possible. But Sherry Bailey wasn’t smart enough to unravel the mystery and so she agreed to take out a loan to help out. "A title loan against one of my trucks so I could send him $5,000," she admitted. So she’d already been ripped off for $5,000 and wasn’t smart enough to realize it…..wonder what’s going to happen next? I know I’m riveted. A few weeks later, Nelson asked for more money to get home. At this point, the smart, the competent, the non-moron among us would stop and wonder if sending this much money and mortgaging their life away for someone they have never met in person was a wise choice, but not Sherry Bailey. No, she flew right past common sense, left sensibility in her wake and flatted intelligence under her tires as she took out a third loan, this one on her home. Over the next four months, she sent more than 20 (20!!!) Western Union and MoneyGrams to Nigeria. "$49,620.52 that I'm out," Bailey lamented. From there, her “relationship” with “Nelson” deteriorated and Bailey realized that she had just been conned. Lesson learned, right? Stunningly, no. Armed with the knowledge she’d just gained by ruining herself financially, she went back online in her search for love. In one of the most unbelievable and borderline ridiculous stories I have ever heard, she met a second virtual suitor in nearly the same manner she met Nelson. This man called himself Jeff Smith (generic, common names, wonder if there is a theme) and he told Bailey he was an independent contractor needing to pay his workers before he could return to the U.S. Because she’d just been jobbed by another con artist, she told “Smith” she didn't have any money to send him. "He said I have a bank in the U.K. that can send you money to your credit card and you can withdraw the funds and send it to me that way," Bailey recalled. Oh, now that is a surefire scam tactic and it’s so blatantly obvious that there is no possible way that this woman…..wait, she actually forked over her credit card information? No f’ing way. Did this woman have a full lobotomy at any point in the recent past? Who the %#^$&&^$)*^! sends their credit card information to someone whom they’ve never met? Of course, within a few days Bailey’s credit card, with a limit of $8,500, was overdrawn by $27,000. Add it all up and this idiot lost more than $70,000 to two guys running the exact same scam on her, back to back. Through it all, the only thing that made her suspicious was the way the men spoke on the phone. "Why do you say you're from New York or Boston when you've got this foreign accent," Bailey says she asked them. A good question, S., and one you probably should have delved deeper into BEFORE YOU TOOK OUT MULTIPLE LOANS TO SEND THEM YOUR ENTIRE LIFE’S WORTH OF FINANCIAL ASSETS! You sent the first con man more than 20 money orders and around money order No. 5 or 6, my sympathy and empathy just run dry. Point blank, you deserve what you got and the fact that you now must sell your home to stay afloat financially is neither sad nor undeserved, you idiot…………

- What a freaking train wreck Rush Limbaugh's bid to buy the St. Louis Rams has become. The fact that Limbaugh is a minority partner (ironic that Limbaugh is a minority anything) in a bid by St. Louis Blues owner Dave Checketts to buy on the Rams hasn’t stopped the entire football world and even people outside the normal gridiron community to loudly and vociferously speak out against the potential acquisition. The current owners, the children of late Rams owner Georgia Frontiere, haven’t even officially declared their intention to sell the team yet, but would-be bidders are readying themselves. None of them are likely to generate as much controversy as Limbaugh, mostly because he’s a right-wing blowhard with racist tendencies and a proclivity for saying incredibly asinine and offensive things about minorities. For example, while working as a member of ESPN's Sunday Night Football broadcast studio crew in 2003, Limbaugh said the following of Philadelphia's Donovan McNabb: "I think what we've had here is a little social concern in the NFL. The media has been very desirous that a black quarterback do well." In 2007, he is alleged to have said: "The NFL all too often looks like a game between the Bloods and the Crips without any weapons. There, I said it." That comment came to light in transcripts posted on his Web site from a 2007 broadcast. In fairness to Limbaugh, he claims that "the totally made-up and fabricated quotes attributed to me in recent media reports are outrageous and slanderous." For your sake, R., I hope that’s the case, and not because of anything relating to your attempt to purchase the Rams. No, I’m hoping that you didn’t make those comments because then I would have to be offended to share this suddenly-too-small Earth with a small-minded, bigoted, ass hat of a talk show host who is more racist, ignorant and culturally backwards than I had ever imagined. Fortunately, I’m not the only one who feels this way. On Tuesday, Colts owner Jim Irsay vowed to vote against Limbaugh if his prospective ownership came before the league’s 31 other owners. For the football uninitiated among you, the league’s other owners must approve any new additions to their shadowy little cabal of rich, old white dudes with private jets and fleets of luxury cars. Commissioner Roger Goodell also doesn’t appear to be a huge Limbaugh fan, saying that his "divisive" comments would not be tolerated from any NFL insider. "I, myself, couldn't even consider voting for him," Irsay said at an owners meeting. "When there are comments that have been made that are inappropriate, incendiary and insensitive ... our words do damage, and it's something that we don't need." Goodell couldn’t distance himself and his product from Limbaugh fast or far enough when speaking about the situation, labeling Limbaugh’s words "polarizing comments that we don't think reflect accurately on the NFL or our players. I think divisive comments are not what the NFL is all about. I would not want to see those kind of comments from people who are in a responsible position within the NFL. No. Absolutely not." The usual band of outspoken, self-important suspects are already lining up to attack Limbaugh as a potential owner, including the Revs. Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton. What’s ironic is that Jackson, Sharpton and men of their ilk are basically the Bizarro Limbaughs of the world, speaking the same sort of nonsense, just from a different racial perspective. I have no idea if the Checketts/Limbaugh bid will be successful if and when the Rams do go up for sale, but what I know is that I’m going to sit back and enjoy the crap storm that is sure to ensue as they make their pitch…………

Welcome back to Cake, MLB rivals the NBA for playoff scheduling idiocy and a recap of last night's Greek

- Allow me to speak for rock fans everywhere when I say welcome back, Cake. The alternative rockers haven’t released an album of new material since 2004's "Pressure Chief," although they did put out a compilation of selected outtakes called "B-Sides and Rarities" in 2007. That the band is back in the studio and tentatively scheduled to release its as-of-yet untitled sixth album in Spring 2010 is one thing to take note of, but it’s definitely not the only interesting part of this story. To give fans a taste of the new material, Cake will be granting them access to small samplings of six different songs over the next several months - but only if those fans are signed up to Cake's mailing list. These snippets can also be used as ringtones, with the featured portion described as "a hook that can stand on its own," separate from the entire song, according to vocalist John McCrea. "In light of recent changes in consumer expectations, I had been thinking about releasing an entire ringtone album instead of real albums," vocalist John McCrea stated. "This just seemed like a good way forward to that eventual goal.” I’m hoping he’s being sarcastic or facetious there, because an entire album of ringtones would, um, how should I say this…..suck. Stick with actual albums or real music not designed to be a damn ringtone on someone’s phone. Another noteworthy aspect of this album is that Cake plans to record it using 100 percent solar power. The band converted their Sacramento-based studio to run on the sun’s rays, which should only enhance its reputation as one of the greenest bands in music. Every part of the recording process, including writing, rehearsing and recording, is being powered by solar energy and McCrea says the album is close to being finished. He added that in the recording process, the band has incorporated a handful of new acoustic instruments into their sound that adds what he describes as a "warmth to the mix." Also giving Cake a warm feeling has to be the fact that due to powering their studio on solar energy, they are not using up a significant chunk of electricity that a band in the studio would ordinarily consume. That extra electricity that doesn't end up being used by the band is purchased by the City of Sacramento's public works and in turn, the city sends them a check for the excess wattage. To keep itself in the minds of music fans during its time away from recording, the band reissued its debut album, 1994's "Motorcade of Generosity," as an enhanced CD and on 180 gram vinyl back in June. If you want to sign up for the aforementioned free music samples, go to cakemusic.com and sign yourself up. Otherwise, you’ll have to wait several months and pick up the new album with the masses…………

- Is there some sort of mandate that professional sports league in the United States must have a playoff schedule that is nothing short of idiotic? The NBA is king of this trend, taking three-day breaks in playoff series when the two competing teams are from cities less than one hour apart by plane or two-day breaks between games of series that are in the exact same city. Of course, the Association does it to drag its postseason out as long as possible, keep itself in the news for as long as possible and place games on nights when they will garner the best TV ratings. However, Major League Baseball isn't going to sit idly by and concede the title of worst postseason schedule maker to the NBA. No, MLB has a little something for David Stern and Co. and nowhere is that more evident than in what we’re seeing right now. After the New York Yankees wrapped up their American League Divisional Series Sunday with a three-game sweep of bumbling, inept Minnesota, the Yanks knew exactly who their opponent would be. The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim in Orange County North of San Diego had already finished off their own sweep, brooming Boston out of the playoffs the previous day. So with both participants in the American League Championship Series determined, it’s time to get going, right? Not exactly. The ALCS won't be starting today, not even tomorrow and not even Thursday. No, the series doesn’t commence until freaking Friday night in New York. Well done, MLB. With the weather already becoming an issue and teams postponing games because of cold and snow, the league office decides that a full five days off is the right option for the ALCS? Now I know that the schedule for these things is set well in advance and that MLB can’t say prior to the playoffs that a second-round series or the World Series will begin too soon because they don’t know if the series from the previous rounds will go four games, five games, etc., but you’re telling me they can’t built their schedule with more than one option? In other words, if one of the two ALDS series goes the distance and the participants for the ALCS aren’t set quickly, then stick with the ALCS start date you set originally. But if both ALDS matchups are sweeps, as happened this year, then set a second date, two or three days earlier, when the ALCS would begin. Instead, you’ve got five days off, players sitting around getting stiff and stale and fans having their interest drift elsewhere in a busy sports landscape. Plus, the sooner you get these series going, the less likely that you end up playing games in 36-degree temperatures with rain/snow mix falling, cold winds blowing and fans enjoying the games from under four blankets and three layers of clothing as they peer out from the eye-hole opening in their ski mask. Thanks for the lack of foresight and forethought, MLB, show the world that the idiots at the NBA league office have some competition when it comes to imbecilic playoff scheduling……………

- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! When the world is experiencing a down period in terms of riots and social unrest, one group you can always go to in the search for people willing to start sh*t is angry Maoists. For that very reason, the Maoists are one of my favorite groups, political or otherwise, in the world. It has nothing to do with their political views at all, because all that matters to me is that a group is willing to stick it to The Man and create mayhem. That’s exactly what happened Monday in eastern India, where suspected Maoists blew up a railway track, a bridge and fired at a bus ahead of a planned crackdown by paramilitaries and police. I’ve got two words for you, suspected Maoists in the mineral-rich Jharkhand state of India: freaking awesome! These heroes also blocked a highway and burned down a truck before fleeing, or as I call it, a win-win. They do the damage, but they also make a clean getaway and live to riot another day. But as great as all of this is, these rascally Maoists aren’t done yet. They’ve also called for a two-day strike to protest what they view as an undemocratic government plan to launch an offensive in areas under their control. Some of the group’s most senior leaders have also been arrested, which is a surefire way to piss off any self-respecting group of social dissidents in any culture. This sets up a great battle of Maoists vs. state police, paramilitaries and special squads. The Indian government views the Maoists as the biggest threat to internal security, which is quite a compliment in my book. They see the group as a threat that needs to be squelched and the Maoists’ strongholds as locations to be seized and held until governance is established. The current plan is to launch this offensive (adjective) offensive (noun) in two weeks and begin by targeting two of the 11 rebel strongholds that have been initially chosen for the operation, said Kashmir Singh, the home ministry's joint secretary for Maoist management. Smart money is on eastern India -- on the border between Jharkhand and West Bengal states - as the first target region for a campaign of persecution expected to last a year or more. Folks, you may be asking why I’m siding with a rogue group like the Maoists here. If you’re asking that….clearly you don’t read this space often enough. I love me a dose of anyone who wants to take it to The Man and if the Maoists, known as the Naxalites in India, say they are fighting to defend the rights of the poor, then I have no choice but to believe them. They wield significant influence in 20 of the country's 28 states, according to the government, so this isn't some irrelevant, out-in-left-field group with no real role in their country. They target police, alleged police informers and people they call "class enemies," as well as attacking infrastructure such as roads, bridges, railways, and power and telecommunication networks. In other words, they are equal-opportunity rioters and for that, they are receiving a tip of my cap…………

- It took long enough, but finally I’ve found someone to do former Toronto Blue Jays manager Tim Johnson proud. You may remember Johnson as the ass clown who once claimed that he was a distinguished Vietnam veteran even though he had never actually served in the military. As despicable as that was, Richard Strandlof of Colorado is even more of a scumbag. Strandlof not only claimed to have survived the 9/11 attacks on the Pentagon, survived again when a roadside bomb went off in Iraq, killing four fellow Marines and claimed to have a metal plate in his head because of the explosion, this cat went around looking to turn a profit off of his bogus military service. He traveled his home state of Colorado appearing at the sides of politicians, speaking on behalf of veterans at the state Capitol and forming a group called the Colorado Veterans Alliance. The problem with all of this was that Strandlof was never a Marine, he was never a member of any branch of the military and he never graduated from the Naval Academy. Even the name he went by, Rick Duncan, was a lie. The lie came to an end Friday, when the FBI arrested him on the rare charge of "stolen valor." He was held "for false claims about receipt of military decorations or medals," an FBI release said. The maximum penalty for the crime is up to one year incarceration and a $100,000 fine. His fate is definitely at the mercy of the court because Strandlof has already come clean about how much of a liar he is. In regard to the attacks of 9/11, he copped to being “in San Jose, California, watching it in horror on TV with a few other people.” However, dude isn't exactly owning all of his actions because he’s still blaming his actions on "some severely underdiagnosed mental illness" and getting caught up in the moment around "people who are passionate and loved what they did." He also expressed wonderment about how exactly he could have hurt people by looking to make money by touting a military career that never happened. "It's not for me to say, and time will tell," he said. As you might expect, every veterans group in sight is coming for this guy and looking to tear him a new one. Of everyone out there who has a problem with Strandlof, veterans are the one group whose opinion truly matters. They are the group who is being exploited and taken advantage of, so if they want to tar and feather Richard Strandlof, so be it…………

- Any time a show can find a way to work Comi-Con, the massive gathering of pale, pasty, no-life-having dorks, er, comic book lovers, that’s solid. Last night’s Greek featured a guys’ road trip to the Ohio River Comi-Con in Cincinnati, some top-notch sleuthing to uncover a secret society and an awkward re-start of a relationship - make that two. Now that girlfriend - technically ex-girlfriend - Jordan has taken her photography internship in New York, Rusty is struggling with how to move on. He and Jordan agreed that a long-distance relationship wouldn’t be good, so they have technically ended their relationship. However, they are still keeping up with regular video chats. Still, Rusty is confident that he made the right choice even though it’s tough to hear Jordan talk about her new life in New York and all the friends she’s making. Rusty’s roomie Dale is having his own online love life, having embraced his newfound anti-God lifestyle by chatting online as a dark, edgy character with another chat user called Vampira 69. When Calvin suggests that both guys get back to seeking real-life, in-person love and takes them to a club, Rusty bombs out with a cute girl whom Calvin sends over to talk to him. The night ends up being a wash, but Calvin thinks maybe it’s because the club just wasn’t Rusty’s scene. When Dale’s online lady friend suggests that they meet up at the Comi-Con in Cincinnati, Rusty and Dale’s pal Calvin sees the chance for a guys’ roadie that can also help shake Rusty from his Jordan funk. The trio pile into Calvin’s SUV and make the trip, arrving at the convention center in the midst of a traffic jam. While they wait, a girl from another car spots Rusty, thinks he’s cute and yells out to come find her once they get inside the convention. He does just that, tracking down the green-body-painted chick amidst a sea of similarly-attired girls. When he finally does find the girl, Sally, Rusty gets extremely awkward and says one stupid thing after another about he and Sally getting into a relationship, her meeting his family, etc. She’s predictably horrified and ends their conversation quickly, leaving Rusty thinking that maybe he made the wrong move in ending things with Jordan. He tries to call her but can’t get a signal, so instead he settles for the next best thing: commandeering a computer backstage at one of the convention’s seminars, a live video chat with a former Star Trek cast member. The video chat doesn’t go well, with Jordan telling Rusty that it sounds like he wants to be in relationship more than he wants to be with her. When the tail end of the video chat ends up being projected up onto the video screen in the seminar room, everyone there sees Rusty’s rejection and embarrassment. The convention doesn’t go much better for Dale, who is disappointed when he finds out that Vampira 69 is none other than his former flame, cougar landlady Sheila. Each of them is shocked to learn that they’ve been chatting without knowing who the other person really was, but Sheila is still willing to sleep with Dale. He is hesitant to reconnect with her now because she broke his heart the first time around and at the end of the night, decides that starting things back up with Sheila isn't what he wants. As the guys pile back into the car and drive home, Dale realizes that he does want to renew an old relationship, just not the one with Sheila. Instead, he decides to go back to his religious ways and reconnect with God. Another renewed relationship was Ashleigh and boyfriend Fisher, back together after she broke up with him for kissing her ZBZ sister Rebecca. But getting back together proves awkward because both Ashleigh and Fisher are on edge around one another, with neither wanting to say or do anything that could in any way upset or offend the other and ruin their reunion. Fisher won't admit that he hates one of Ashleigh’s favorite movies, Clueless, and she won't fess up to having no interest in the old, classic movies that he and his film club enjoy watching. In the end, Ashleigh sits Fisher down for a talk and tells him that they need to relax and be more honest with each other. The message finally gets through and at the end of the episode, he finds her at Dobler’s, shares a few harsh truths he’s been holding back on and shows that he’s able to be himself with her. On the other hand, Casey spends the entire episode trying to figure out why Evan and Cappie aren’t acting like themselves. She suspects that they are friends again but keeping it a secret, so she sets about trying to find out the truth. First, she texts Cappie and claims that Evan came clean to her and admitted that the two of them were friends again. To counter, Cappie and Evan stage a fake fight on campus as Casey tries to get Cappie to cop to the story Evan allegedly told her, which is of course a lie. The fight starts well enough, but when some nearby Kappa Tau’s and Omega Chi’s se the fight, don’t know it’s fake and join in, things spin out of control. Punches are thrown, tables overturned and headlocks are applied. But the fight accomplishes its purpose and Casey is thrown off the trail - or so it seems. She is put back on the trail when she meets Cappie at Dobler’s for an “I’m sorry” beer and on the way out, he uses an exact quote that Evan used with her the day before. Now more sure than ever that her theory is correct, Casey has Ashleigh deliver bugged fruit basket to the KT house and hides out in an empty hot tub behind the house to listen. The bug doesn’t pay off because no one says anything incriminating, but when Cappie leaves the house Casey follows him and inadvertently stumbles into the secret lair of the Amphoras, the secret society of which Cappie and Evan are members. Having an outsider find their lair enrages the other Amphoras, who debate whether or not to kick Cappie and Evan out of their group. Ultimately, the group decides not to give them the boot but rather to offer Casey membership. She goes through with the mandatory emotional purge, spilling her most personal secrets to the group, but deciding in the end that she just doesn’t belong with the Amphoras. For her, agreeing with Cappie and Evan to try and get back to all being friends like they were freshman year is enough. Cappie agrees to this even though he’s pissed at Evan for admitting to Casey that he stopped Cappie from going to talk to (and get back together) with Casey during last seasons’ KT “End of the World” party. That basically sums up the episode, some solid laughs and a decent dose of drama, leading to next week’s episode in which Cappie yet again agonizes over to try and get back together with Casey again. Until then………….

The goodness of being Vince Vaughn, a Heroes recap and a wind-aided hero in Africa

- It must be awesome to be Vince Vaughn. You make the same damn movie over and over and over and people keep flocking to see it. Sure, Vaughn’s litany of romantic comedies may have different settings, but the basic characters and plot are the same at the core, but clearly America does not have high standards for its cinematic wants. As such, Couples Retreat exceeded expectations and won the top spot at the box office for the weekend with a gross of $35.3 million. The runner-up was Zombieland with $15 million for a two-week cumulative of $47.8 million. In third place was Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, which lost only 24 percent of its earnings from the previous weekend with a $12 million take and is rapidly closing in on the $100 million mark. The Disney double dip of Toy Story/Toy Story 2 was the fourth-place finisher with $7.7 million, followed by the sci-fi thriller Paranormal Activity, which played in just 159 theaters, yet grossed an estimated $7.1 million for an astronomical per-screen average of $44,163. The film goes nationwide this coming weekend, so it should be playing in your little corner of the world soon. There were a few noteworthy newcomers on the weekend, some of which opened well and others than fell flat on their faces. An Education, starring Carey Mulligan, fell into the former category by grossing $162,000 for a per-screen average of $40,595 (for the math-challenged among you, that means it played in four theaters). Not so successful was Sony Pictures Classics’ second release of The Damned United starring Michael Sheen. On six screens, the film grossed a paltry $38,844. Overall, the total box office was up significantly over the same time frame last year, when the earnings race was inexplicably led by the abysmal Beverly Hills Chihuahua for the second week in a row. Next weekend should be interesting, with big-budget, highly promoted movies like Where the Wild Things Are, The Stepfather and Law Abiding Citizen all duking it out. For my money, see Wild Things, but that’s just me………….

- A huge excess of rushing wind isn't just a resource to be found any time the U.S. Congress is in session. No, wind is also plentiful in places like the small African nation of Malawai and for a true hero named William Kamkwamba, wind has helped to fuel his dream of bringing power to his tiny hometown of Lilongwe. Seven years ago, Malawai suffered one of its worst droughts ever, killing thousands. The red soil in Lilongwe was bone dry and farmers were left with no income or means to support their families. "I wanted to do something to help and change things," Kamkwamba said. "Then I said to myself, 'If they can make electricity out of wind, I can try, too.'" He had some extra free time on his hands after being kicked out of school because he couldn't pay $80 in fees. That left William to spend his days at the library, where a book about windmills inspired him to give wind energy a try. At the time he was only 14, but Kamkwamba used the book to teach himself how to build windmills. He scrounged up and scrap materials he could find from junkyards, collected wood from blue-gum trees and set about building - with little or no support. "Everyone laughed at me when I told them I was building a windmill. They thought I was crazy," he said. "Then I started telling them I was just playing with the parts. That sounded more normal." Normal or abnormal, the project worked and over the past seven years, William Kamkwamba has constructed five windmills, the tallest at 37 feet. The windmills generate electricity and pump water in his hometown and often people from his village make long walks down remote, dusty paths to his house to charge their cellphones. Not bad for a guy who was accused of either being crazy or being a witch when he started building his windmills. Consider that when he started, Kamkwamba bolted pieces together for his windmills using a screwdriver made of a heated nail attached to a corncob and you’ll see just how far he’s come. The first windmill took three months to build, but once it was finished, a bulb attached to the windmill flickered on. "I wanted to finish it just to prove them wrong," he said. "I knew people would then stop thinking I was crazy." Kamkwamba’s story has become known worldwide and in addition to now attending the African Leadership Academy, an elite South African school for young leaders, he has also been recognized by former U.S. Vice President Al Gore and regularly receives invitations to speak at events around the globe. Author Bryan Mealer even wrote a book, "The Boy Who Harnessed the Wind," that chronicled Kamkwamba's story. Big ups to my man William Kamkwamba for making a big difference in his village, country and even in making the world a greener, more environmentally friendly place…………

- We need to talk, America. Now this talk may not pertain to some of you, so if you begin reading and think, “Hmm, I don’t know if this applies to me,” then consider yourself excused. However, if you have anything - ANYTHING - to do with the incredibly lame, ridiculous and idiotic cultural phenomenon I’m about to talk about, then you need to listen up. Of late, I’ve noticed an inordinate number of incidents that basically boil down to the following: a person turns their video camera on either their own young child or the young child of a relative or friend as that child mimics either a famous speech from a movie or the dance moves of a music video. Said yahoo then posts the video on YouTube and this kid then becomes a so-called “cultural phenomenon.” Two examples that spring to mind are the tot who was filmed singing and dancing to a Britney Spears video (although you could argue that the kid probably has infinitely more musical talent than Spears) and the kid who did his own rendition of former U.S. Olympic hockey coach Herb Brooks’ inspirational speech in the movie Miracle. Here’s the bottom line, people: Just because your child can learn and recite lines from a movie or mirror the dance moves from a crap-tastic music video doesn’t mean anyone needs to see it other than you. It’s not cute, your kid is not that talented and there is nothing amazing, interesting or riveting about it. Millions of people have kids, millions of people have video cameras and we don’t want or need all of you thinking that it’s just so darn cute and cool that little Jimmy can recite a monologue from Field of Dreams or Any Given Sunday or that little Ashley can do a hack-job rendition of the dance moves from a Rihanna video. Either put the video camera down or cancel your YouTube account, because if you can't pull back and stop yourself from foisting this crap on the rest of us, then someone needs to step in and help you. If that someone needs to be me, then so be it. I am all too happy to tell you what a delusional, brain-dead loser you are being and how you are truly embarrassing yourself in the process. Heed my wise words, stop this pathetic charade and our lives will all be better for it…………

- See, this is why just banging out a little cardio, running or hitting the gym is always a good idea. If you don’t do any of those things, then you end up doing stupid sh*t like going to a central Arizona resort, sitting in something called a "sweatbox," a dome-like structure covered with tarps and blankets, and trying to sweat off the pounds. For your troubles, you then end up either dead or injured, all because you were too lazy to do actual exercise. Doubt me? Just look at the two people who died and the 19 who were injured at after spending up to two hours in the "sweatbox" Thursday night at the Angel Valley Resort near Sedona, Ariz. An emergency call came in saying that three people were not breathing and another was burned. Two of the three were pronounced dead at the hospital and on Friday afternoon, they were described as "a middle-aged man and woman." The sheriff's Criminal Investigations Section began a death investigation Thursday night, which can’t be good for James Arthur Ray, author of the best-selling book "Harmonic Wealth: The Secret of Attracting the Life You Want," was in charge of the ceremony during which the incident occurred. This kook has appeared on CNN's "Larry King Live" and on the "Oprah Winfrey Show," and describes himself as a "personal success strategist." So if this kook is such a great self-help guru and Angel Valley Resort advertises itself as "a place to relax and heal ... where powerful earth energies are present and active," then how do two people go there and end up leaving in body bags while 19 others are seriously injured in some low-rent, cobbled-together-from-blankets-tarps, hillbilly sauna? That doesn’t exactly sound like 70 acres of healing and relaxation to me. Apparently, Angel Valley also offers two labyrinths and something called an Angel Wheel for “going inward, finding answers and getting insights." Nowhere on its Web site is there any mention of the place being an overheated death trap, which clearly it is. Next time, just make the effort to stay in shape on your own and find your religious awakening in places that aren’t some absurd rip-off of a thrift-store-quality sauna………….

- Now THAT was a quality episode of Heroes. Sure, the lingering problem of not being able to find screen time for key cast members lingers, but that appears to be the way the show is going to be from here on out, so it’s a matter of learning to live with it or else, so I’ll learn to live with it. Focusing on those who did appear on screen, Sylar’s life after rising from the dead proved predictably complicated. Given the fact that he was Nathan Petrelli crammed into Sylar’s old body before being shot and left in a shallow grave, that was to be expected. No sooner had Sylar freed himself from the grave and began staggering through the woods than a police detective, Capt. Lubbock, (played by Ernie Hudson) happens onto the scene and finds Sylar, covered in dirt, disheveled and with three bullet holes in his clothing. Due to the suspicious circumstances, Sylar is hauled in for questioning and locked in an interrogation room. When he displays what appears to be total amnesia, unaware of who he is or anything else about himself, the police call in Dr. Madeline Gibson for a psychological evaluation. Her job is to help Sylar figure out who he is and what happened to him. She tries her best and slowly but surely, a few memories come back. He remembers a few scattered details of being shot, but when Dr. Gibson tells him to close his eyes and say the first thing that comes to his mind, all Sylar can pick up is the sound of the clock ticking on the wall and the doctor’s ticking watch. Showing that his catalog of powers still lurks somewhere inside, Sylar is immediately able to discern that Gibson’s watch is running a few seconds fast, something she admits has been true for years. Before the self-discovery cab go any further, Capt. Lubbock is back with some news of his own. The police have finally been able to identify Sylar and they now know him as Gabriel Gray, the watchmaker from the Bronx who murdered his mother. When Lubbock presses the issue and threatens to get rough with Sylar and “throw him down a hole” for the rest of his life, Sylar’s powers pop up again. He uses his power of telepathy to throw Lubbock through a plate glass window, then escapes to the nearby parking garage where he finds Dr. Gibson in her car, leaving the premises. Sylar forces the doctor to drive him to freedom, but the police are in pursuit. When she pulls over, gets out and tells him to take her car and go, Sylar refuses. He says he needs her help to get his memory back, but the police come roaring onto the scene and Gibson tells him to surrender and cooperate. Sylar surprisingly agrees to do so, but when he puts his hands behind his head, another of his powers pops up: the ability to conduct electricity from his body. The police see the electrical sparks and open fire, hitting Sylar multiple times. He and Gibson go tumbling down the hill into the dark woods, where Gibson sees Sylar’s power to heal take effect. His body spits out the bullets and it’s as if he’s never been shot. A stunned Gibson encourages him to flee as the police and their dogs come chasing him. Sylar sprints through the woods and up another hill, where a mysterious light appears. The light is from none other than the Sullivan Bros. Carnival, which has miraculously appeared in the middle of nowhere because……Samuel Sullivan has promised his “family” that by day’s end, they will have added a new member to their family to replace his dearly departed brother Joseph. He doesn’t say who, but after his breakfast speech, Tattooed Lady Lydia finds him in the field outside the carnival, digging holes in the ground and planting seeds. She presses him for the identity of the new family member, but Samuel admits he doesn’t know yet. Still, he’s sure that someone will join them and summarily waves his arms in front of him, using his power to control dirt to bury the seeds he’s just planted and say that they’ll have to wait and see who sprouts first, so to speak. Could it be Peter Petrelli? Not likely, even though someone new is coming into Peter’s life. That would be Emma, the file clerk at the hospital who is deaf but has the power of being able to see sounds as colors. Last week, we saw Emma’s doctor suggest that her condition is synesthesia. This week, that same doctor visits her in her office to check up on her. We find out that a) the doctor is also her mother, b) Emma actually has a degree in biomedicine and c) someone close to her died six years ago, causing her to quit her residency and quest to become a doctor. When Emma’s mother suggests that being a file clerk is beneath her and that she should resume her residency, an indignant Emma storms out of the hospital and goes for a walk. When her power begins popping up and she sees colors from police sirens and a jackhammer, Emma is so taken aback that she literally stumbles backwards into the street. An oncoming bus nearly hits her, but Peter is in the area and super speeds into the street and saves her. He’s fresh off of a visit to his apartment by his mother Angela, who barely pays attention as Peter tries to talk to her about his life, his desire to stop isolating himself and to make conections with those he cares about. She’s much more concerned about Nathan and blows off Peter’s attempts to talk about his own thoughts. Peter decides the visit has lasted long enough, especially since Nathan was supposed to show up for the breakfast as well but flaked (well, technically he was shot and turned back into Sylar). That put Peter in the street to save Emma, but she’s in no mood to hang around after the fact. She bolts and Peter takes off as well - or tries to. His super speed power is gone, but he realizes that he is now able to see sounds as colors. After a little thinking, he realizes that he must have picked up his new power from Emma. Because he can only hold one power at a time now (damn his dad Arthur for stealing his powers and Sylar-like ability to hold multiple ones at the same time), his super speed is now gone. At the hospital, Peter tries to find Emma in her office but she’s not there. Down the hall, a children’s choir is visiting the hospital and singing for some elderly patients. Peter wanders by, seeing all sort of colors from their singing and finds Emma there to listen to the music (and see the colors) as well. They spot one another from across the room, lock eyes and Emma realizes that Peter can see what she’s seeing. After the singing ends, they begin to talk - well, Peter talks and Emma reads lips - and he tries to explain the concept of people having powers, just like her. She is doubtful, but when they sit down at the piano and begin playing together, the colors begin to fly and the two of them share a magical moment. Peter suggests they meet for lunch the next day to talk more and Emma happily agrees. That evening, she gets home to her apartment and sits down to play the upright bass, seeing more and more sounds as colors as she plays. Her emotions from the day begin to boil over and her playing becomes more and more ferocious. All of a sudden, a wave of color and sound shoots out from the bass, causing a huge tear/rip in the wall and ceiling of the apartment. So perhaps her power is more powerful than Emma knows……we’ll have to wait and see. The last big storyline for the week was for Claire Bennet, who was enjoying immersion in “normal” life at college, eating lunch with new BFF and roommate Gretchen in the cafeteria when she’s ambushed by a girl named Becky Taylor, who is an officer for Claire’s mom Sandra’s old sorority, Psi Alpha Chi. That makes Claire a legacy and basically guaranteed a bid to the sorority. She accepts an offer to visit the house and drags Grethcen along. Both seem to enjoy the experience and are invited back for a mixer the next day. As they prepare to leave for the mixer, a book falls off the shelf above Gretchen’s computer, waking it from sleep mode and revealing a screen full of suspicious information that Gretchen has been viewing about Claire and Claire’s former roommate Annie, who supposedly committed suicide at the beginning of the semester. Claire immediately thinks that Gretchen is stalking her and suggests that they go to the mixer separately. At the mixer, Claire is introduced to another potential rushee who also was a high school cheerleader, just like she was, and they are chatting it up when a Psi Alpha Chi flag suddenly comes crashing down from the balcony above, causing Claire to leap back and push the other girl out of harm’s way. When she looks up and sees only Gretchen on the balcony, Claire assumes that her creepy roommate is responsible. Back at the dorm, an argument breaks out when Claire accuses Gretchen of being a stalker, including the flag incident. Gretchen protests her innocence and in a blatantly shameful play to the supposed lesbian fantasies that every guy has, she plants a kiss on Claire’s lips, admitting that she has a crush on her. So if Gretchen is guilty of nothing more than having a lesbo-crush, who was guilty of the other suspicious behavior? That would be Becky, who is not what she seems. The next day, as Psi Alpha Chi comes to offer bids to Claire and Gretchen, Becky is there but then disappears without anyone noticing and pops up at the carnival, of all places. She calls Samuel “Uncle Samuel” and admits that she’s doing everything possible to isolate Claire and push her over to their side. That includes a) pushing Annie out of the dorm window, b) placing the fake suicide note on Annie’s pillow, c) knocking the book off the shelf so Claire would see what was on Gretchen’s computer screen and d) caused the flag to fall when Gretchen was standing right beside it. So how did Becky do all of this unnoticed? Seems that her talent is being invisible, along with teleporting, as evidenced by zapping from campus to carnival in no time flat. So she was able to commit all of her mischievous deeds while invisible. But at episode’s end, it is not Claire who joins Samuel and Becky’s “family.” No, it’s Sylar, who wanders out of the woods and is greeted by Samuel waving him inside the carnival. A bewildered Sylar follows his lead and by the time his police pursuers crest the hill, the light has vanished and so has the carnival. There is nothing more than an empty meadow left. The carnival has moved on, on to an undetermined time and place. Sylar walks around with Samuel, who welcomes him “home.” Next episode, it’s time to reclaim the old Sylar, as Samuel and his crew will look to rehab the ultimate bad guy and get him back into form. Oh, and still no Mohinder Suresh this week. I had to check and make sure Sendhil Ramamurthy is still part of the cast and technically, according to NBC’s Web site, he is. Maybe next week? Also, no Hiro, Ando, Matt Parkman, H.R.G., Rebel or Tracy Strauss this week. Until next time……………

Reasons to love mercenaries, the Cleveland Browns are still a bunch of whiny babies and Amazon lies to all of us

- Where’s the problem here? That question is directed to the group of independent U.N. experts who expressed concern Friday over the increased use of mercenaries in Honduras. For a nation under the control of an illegitimate de facto president who has been in power since a military-led coup in June, what’s the big deal if a few hundred armed men want to channel their inner Hessian and fight for money within Honduras’s borders? According to this U.N. panel, 40 former Colombian paramilitaries have been hired to protect properties and individuals in Honduras since the June 28 coup that ousted President Jose Manuel Zelaya and an additional 120 mercenaries from various Latin American countries had been contracted to support the government of illegitimate interim President Roberto Micheletti. "We urge the Honduran authorities to take all practical measures to prevent the use of mercenaries within its territory and to fully investigate allegations concerning their presence and activities," the U.N. panel said. Again, why? If these whack jobs are willing to put their lives on the line for money, so be it. Better a foreign mercenary come in and die in a fire fight than one of your own, right? Seriously, who doesn’t love mercenaries? “Will fight and kill for pay,” what a great motto. All the benefits and perks of having actual soldiers doing a job without any of the hassle of having to give a damn about what happens to them. If the mercenaries you hire are killed, just hire some more. Who cares if the recruitment, use, financing and training of mercenaries is prohibited under the International Convention on the issue? Also, who cares if Honduras has signed that agreement, which they have. Don’t get me wrong, Micheletti is still a bogus tool who has no right to be presiding over Honduras, but that doesn’t mean I have to object to everything the guy does. While Zelaya remains holed up at the Brazilian Embassy in Tegucigalpa, chaos is reigning in the streets and bringing in mercenaries should only add to the chaos. Television and radio stations are being unfairly shut down by the government, there are regular riots and protests and the interim government is throwing down ultimatums to the Brazilian government for when Zelaya’s situation must be resolved. Add the delegation from the Organization of American States that arrived in Honduras on Wednesday to meet separately with Zelaya and Micheletti and the simmering hatred between the two men and well, I suppose you could say that a few dozen mercenaries riding into town isn't exactly the biggest concern……………

- Waaaaaaaaahhhhh! Waaaaaaaahhhh! Yes, that’s the sound of infantile crying and whining you hear coming from Cleveland, where the Browns not only suck and are not only intent on trading away their best players for pennies on the dollar, but their coaches are busy b*tching about calls from games that happened a week ago. Despite the fact that his team is 0-4 and just might be the worst squad in the NFL, Browns defensive coordinator Rob Ryan is still bent about the end of last Sunday’s game against the Cincinnati Bengals in which Bengals kicker Shayne Graham ended the game with four seconds left in overtime by converting a 31-yard field goal. No one disputes that the kick was close to the upright, but the officials ruled it good and it gave the Bengals a 23-20 win. Five days after the fact, Ryan is still dredging up the kick without being prompted. "You can watch the tape," Ryan said Friday. "I'm not saying anything, but man, maybe the posts were crooked. Look at it." Never mind the fact that his team won the ugliest game in the NFL this season today, 6-3 over Buffalo, because what’s going to stick with me from the Browns from this past week is not a putrid win over an equally awful Buffalo team, but rather the incredibly immature and infinitesimal manner in which the Browns handled their loss last Sunday. I don’t care if the players on the field at the time of the kick, including cornerbacks Brandon McDonald and Eric Wright, both thought the kick was off the mark. "I don't want to get fined," Ryan said. "I pay enough money already on the house I don't even live in California. I don't want to make this a big story, but I was disappointed. Of course, I'm not expert. That's why I'm saying maybe somebody else should look at it." Right, but you don’t want to say anything. You’re not saying…..you’re just saying. Nonetheless, the league office isn't too worried about the Browns’ griping. NFL spokesman Greg Aiello said the league feels the correct ruling was made. "The field judge standing right underneath the upright called it good and we have reviewed multiple video from different angles and have seen nothing to dispute that call," Aiello said. Clearly Ryan was looking for anyone to give him a chance to whine about the call, because the question that actually led to his whining had absolutely nothing to do with whether the field goal was good or not. As always, way to show your total lack of class and excellence, Cleveland Browns……….

- Just like the iPhone, the Amazon Kindle (on which you can subscribe to and read this very blog, ironically) has long been extremely overpriced, in my opinion. The Kindle debuted in 2007 at $399 and started this year at $359, but Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos and his stool pigeons cut the price again in July and apparently that price cut wasn’t enough to sell enough Kindles because Amazon is cutting the price again, dropping the cost another $40 to make the current price $259. Why anyone would pay $259 for an electronic-book reader is beyond me, especially since there are so many other, cheaper ways to read. In addition to the price cut, Bezos also announced the launch of an international version of Kindle in hopes of spurring more sales and keeping it ahead of a growing field of competitors. If you believe the BS that Amazon is selling, the company is cutting prices because it is making and selling so many Kindles. Uh-huh, sure. It has nothing to do with a flood of competing products hitting the market, including Sony’s $199 "Pocket Edition" e-reader and larger $299 touch-screen model, the $400 e-reader IREX Technologies plans to release this fall and Plastic Logic Ltd.’s soon-to-be-released electronic reading device with wireless capabilities. It may well be Amazon's best-selling product, as Bezos claims, but Amazon has not disclosed sales figures and for that reason, it’s impossible to say for sure how popular it really is. Sure, it features a 6-inch screen that displays shades of gray, room to store 1,500 books and the ability to download books wirelessly, but that doesn’t mean it’s selling like hotcakes. More than likely, Amazon is panicking because e-reader sales will total an estimated 3 million this year and competitors are looking to muscle in on its action. Just know that e-books accounted for just 1.6 percent of all book sales in the first half of this year, although experts say that the market should continue to grow steadily. Whatever you do, don’t believe that Amazon is cutting the cost of the Kindle out of the goodness of its heart or because it’s selling so many of them that it just doesn’t need to charge the price it once asked for the device. Thanks for the lying, Amazon……………

- Baseball and softball might be out as sports for the next two Summer Olympics, but I think we can all agree that we’re totally pumped about the addition of rugby and golf as official Olympic sports for the 2016 Olympic program. Those additions were made on Friday in a majority vote of the IOC membership, with golf gaining admission by a vote of 63-27 and rugby passing with an 81-8 vote. The vote came after the IOC's 15-member executive committee nominated golf and rugby from a list that included squash, karate, roller sports and the re-inclusion of baseball and softball. Like other sports such as basketball and baseball, Olympic golf will open the door for professional athletes like Tiger Woods to participate. Woods has already expressed excitement about the possibility of playing in the Olympics if golf were included, so you know he’ll be down. Still, the prospect of adding Woods to the mix wasn’t enough to make golf a slam-dunk for inclusion when it came time to vote. Rugby was actually seen as much more of a sure thing prior to voting even though both sports ultimately made the cut. In fact, golf was rejected when it applied for addition to the 2012 program four years ago and received the fewest votes of any sport at that point. Rugby gained points for agreeing to abandon its prestigious world cup during Olympic years, leading some committee members to speculate that golfers would view an Olympic medal as less prestigious than a Masters or U.S. Open title. Ummm, pretty much. Golf is all about history and legacy and you can’t just start it up as an Olympic sport and expect to shoot right past tournaments with decades of history and legend. Still, bringing in the big names like Woods, Mickelson, etc. proved to be enough and when the 2016 Games roll around (in Rio, thank God, and not in the U.S.), golfers will be teeing it up. Part of me wonders what sort of bribes, er, um, convincing pitch that the sport’s supporters made to the IOC. In the old days of former IOC president Juan Antonio Samaranch, a bribe of fitness equipment, Pepperidge farm mint Milano cookies and hookers would get the job done, but I don’t know if those things also trip current president Jacques Rogge’s trigger. Michelle Wie also spoke to the IOC to make the pitch for golf at the Olympics, although sending one of the most overrated, overhyped and underwhelming female golfers we’ve ever seen may not have been the most beneficial thing for the cause….but I digress. The bottom line is that golf is now an Olympic sport….in six years………..

- What follows is a bizarre tale of two things that I’ve just never managed to get with even though both are extremely popular in American culture and even internationally. For one, The Simpsons has somehow managed to survive as an adult-focused cartoon for some 20 years, during which I have watched exactly zero minutes of zero episodes of the show. It’s not appealing or interesting to me to see cartoon caricatures of people in basically an animated version of a sitcom, so to speak. If I’m going to watch cartoons, I want them to be silly, juvenile and a whole lot like Wile E. Coyote and the Roadrunner. The second component of this equation is Playboy magazine, wherein skanks take their clothes off for money and millions of dudes pay money for said magazine so they can get their thrills from looking at said skanks sans clothing. To me, skin mags, strip clubs and the like are pathetic because if you have to pay to see a woman without her clothes on, you are a loser. Add all of that up and you can probably surmise how I feel about blue-haired Marge Simpson of The Simpsons appearing on the cover of the November issue of Playboy. Whoever ghost-writes Hugh Hefner’s Twitter feed while he’s pounding Viagra and sleeping with multiple blond bimbos mentioned back in August that Simpson will appear in a three-page pictorial, which will also feature an interview and data sheet. Yes, an interview and data sheet for a cartoon character who doesn’t really exist. The spread will celebrate The Simpsons 20th anniversary, to which I have to ask: If something is appropriately celebrated by someone associated with it appearing in a skin mag, then is it really worth celebrating in the first place? Let’s go with no. For the losers who don’t find the prospect of a yellow-skinned cartoon character in your Playboy appealing, er, read the magazine only for the articles, there will still be the traditional Playmate of the month. Or you can stop being a pathetic loser, step your game up and find a woman willing to take off her clothes for you not because she’s being paid but because she wants to for you…………

NASA lays an egg, a lackluster college football Saturday and I root for a soldier on the run

- Run Terrance Hilton, run! Sure, rooting for an AWOL Fort Carson soldier who escaped from federal custody at Denver International Airport Wednesday to stay free might seem unpatriotic, but I have a soft spot for rebels, dissidents and people who tell The Man where to stick it. So I’m firmly on the side of Private Terrance Hilton, who ironically enough celebrated a birthday while on the lam. He was handcuffed and being transferred from Salt Lake City to Colorado Springs via Denver when he ran from his escort on Concourse B (a notoriously good place for people looking to bolt from federal custody, that Concourse B). Apparently his escort was extremely old or extremely out of shape, because that escort was unable to track down a guy running while handcuffed. Hilton had to be far and away the most conspicuous person in that terminal, yet no one saw where he went or was willing or able to help authorities find him once he fled. The active search for Hilton was called off after an hour and as of the latest I’ve heard, he’s still running free. In situations like this, the person on the run inevitably makes the mistake of going back to a familiar place from their past or making contact with someone close to them that the authorities are sitting on and monitoring. If you are going to remain free, PFC Hilton, you are going to need to avoid those common mistakes and use your head. In your mind, you must no longer consider yourself part of the 1st Special Troops Battalion, 1st Brigade Combat Team, 4th Infantry Division based at Fort Carson. You are now a renegade on the run, a wanted man who cannot afford to make any mistakes. Those chasing you know that you’re from the Grand Junction area, so you must steer clear of that town. Now I am nowhere near Colorado at the moment, so I can’t offer any direct assistance to complement the expert advice I have already given you. Be safe, my friend, and stay free………….

- It’s only a matter of time before the Chinese completely take over this country (and bring their litany of toxic products - toothpaste, toys, food, etc. - with them), so the revelation that Chinese heavy equipment maker Tengzhong Heavy Industrial Machinery Corp. has struck a deal to buy the Hummer brand from General Motors Co. is far short of stunning. In all honesty, shedding the Hummer brand isn't exactly a huge hit for GM. A paltry 8,193 Hummers have been sold in the U.S. through the first nine months of the year, a decline of 64 percent from last year. No one wants these giant hunks of fuel inefficiency because Hummer’s smallest model gets 16 miles per gallon in combined city and highway driving. Back when the American economy wasn’t totally in the crapper and gas didn’t cost $2.50 a gallon or more, people would buy Hummers because our American arrogance was all about bigger, shinier and more gaudy. Now that so many Americans are struggling under the weight of this recession, overpriced, oversized sport-utility vehicles just aren’t that popular. Reportedly Hummer will focus on improved efficiency and performance and include alternative fuels, more efficient gas engines, six-speed transmissions and diesel engines under its new ownership. Tengzhong will get an 80 percent stake in the company, while Hong Kong investor Suolang Duoji, who indirectly owns a big stake in Tengzhong through an investment company, will get 20 percent. The two investors will also be purchasing Hummer's nationwide dealer network, with the overall value of the deal being estimated at $150 million. That’s not exactly the figure GM gave for a potential Hummer sale when it filed for bankruptcy last summer, when it clamed such a sale could bring in $500 million or more. Both the U.S. and Chinese governments still must approve the deal, which shouldn’t be a huge hurdle to clear. The one positive note for the current regime at Hummer is that its management team will stay with the new company, which will be headquartered either in Detroit or suburban Auburn Hills, Mich. Given that the Chinese already own a ginormous chunk of our national debt, I suppose them taking on a sinking, fading car brand isn't a huge deal. After all, Hummer sales peaked in 2006 and in September, only 426 Hummers were sold nationwide. GM can shed some unneeded weight and make good on its intentions to focus on four core brands: Chevrolet, Cadillac, Buick and GMC. Manufacturers in Indiana and Louisiana who produce components for Hummers are expected to remain up and running for the next 2-3 years as well, so the news of a Communist takeover isn't quite as bleak as it might otherwise seem…………

- There were a lot of duds on this college football Saturday, a full slate of games that could have been a whole lot better. Too many games were like the matchup between No. 3 Alabama and No. 20 Mississippi. The Rebels lost their spot as the fourth-ranked team in the country by laying an egg against South Carolina in their last game and followed that up with a 22-3 loss to Alabama in which they accumulated a whopping 212 yards of offense. Ole Miss didn’t score until the third quarter and was never in the game. Ditto for previously undefeated Wisconsin, which took its 5-0 record into Columbus and came out with a 31-13 ass-kicking at the hands of ninth-ranked Ohio State. The OSU offense did next to nothing on the day, but two interception returns for touchdowns and a kickoff return for another TD were enough to get the win. Oregon was another team to lay a double-digit beatdown on its opponent, with the No. 13 Ducks going on the road and throttling unranked UCLA by a score of 24-10. Other games involving Top 25 teams were far worse, as #2 Texas (24 points), #19 Oklahoma (26 points), #5 Virginia Tech (34 points), #11 Miami (32 points) and #14 Penn State (49 points) all won by at least 24 points on the day. There were a few close games, with the best probably being #16 Kansas, undefeated on the season, outlasting Iowa State 41-36 when the Cyclones failed to cap off a long drive at the end of the game by getting into the end zone. Big 12 counterpart Oklahoma State also scored a five-point win, 36-31 over Texas A&M, but this was far from a stellar game in terms of the level of play. And speaking of South Carolina, the Gamecocks narrowly avoided a colossal blunder by beating hapless Kentucky 28-26 in Columbia. The Gamecocks might be five points (a loss to Georgia) away from being unbeaten, but they were also far too close to a bad home loss to a bad Kentucky team. Oh, and the SEC isn't helping its case for being the nation’s best conference when one of its members, Vanderbilt, loses to freaking Army. I know that Vandy is the doormat of the SEC, but if the conference is as good as its sycophants would have everyone believe, then no way should any SEC team ever - EVER - lose to a service academy. Perhaps my favorite win of the day came courtesy of Duke, the perennial laughingstock of the ACC in football. The Blue Devils not only managed to win a conference road game at North Carolina State, they whupped the Wolf Pack 49-28, getting 462 yards passing, five passing TDs and a rushing TD from senior quarterback Thaddeus Lewis for the win. It was not nearly as good a day for Syracuse quarterback Greg Paulus, who is on the radar because he is using his one remaining season of eligibility to play a single year of football after playing his entire college career as a point guard for the Duke basketball team. A bizarre NCAA rules quirk allowed him to transfer to Syracuse for football for one year as he pursues a graduate degree, but the Orange and their fans are probably wishing that Paulus had just said no to football at this point. Today, he was 5-of-9 for 30 yards and an interception before being yanked at halftime. On the season, that makes eight touchdowns and nine interceptions for Paulus, not exactly the stellar stat line you want for your starting signal caller. But the premier game of the night was, of course, Florida and LSU. The icon himself, Tim Tebow, bounced back from the concussion he suffered in Florida’s last game, two weeks ago against Kentucky, and led his team to an ugly 13-3 win in Death Valley. Sure, LSU was ranked No. 4 coming into the game, but their national rankings on both sides of the ball were so low that they clearly were getting by on smoke and mirrors up to this point and didn’t deserve to be anywhere near the top of the polls. Of the six weeks of the college football season up to this point, this weekend was the worst and least exciting of all, I’m sad to say. Hopefully the excitement that was lacking this weekend will be tacked on to the next one and we’ll have a great weekend of games in Week 7…………..

- If you’re like me and you enjoy the doses of the smokin’ hot Kristen Bell that you get on TV before her shows are either prematurely canceled (the still-great Veronica Mars) or her character is killed off of a show (Heroes), you might be wondering what one of the world’s most beautiful vegetarians is up to now. As it turns out, Bell is joining the case of the upcoming musical movie Burlesque alongside pop tart Christina Aguilera and the tacky, ugly and surgically-enhanced, musically-inept Cher. Bell will be playing Nikki, a character described as “the loose-cannon lead dancer and main attraction at the club who spirals out of control when Aguilera’s character suddenly gets the spotlight.” Who knows, perhaps there will be a sweet chick fight involving Bell and Aguilera, which would be cool with me for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is that it would mean that Cher would not be on screen) theoretically and more importantly, Cher would not be singing. The club that is the main setting for the movie is being called a “neo-burlesque club,” a term that no one seems to quite understand the meaning of. If nothing else, the cast has enough star power and name recognition to draw a strong audience for its opening weekend, a crowd that will undoubtedly consist of a whole lot of gay dudes based on Cher’s presence and the fact that it is, after all, a musical. Oh, I’m sure there will be plenty of straight guys dragged to see the movie by their significant others, so all those guys have my heartfelt condolences in advance………….

- If you got up at 4/5/6/7:30 a.m. Friday because NASA told you that you would be able to see a NASA rocket striking the moon, then you deserved what you got - namely a big waste of your time. Losers, er, outer space enthusiasts around the world took NASA up on its suggestion to "impact parties" to view the impact of the Centaur upper-stage rocket as it struck the moons lunar surface. The prediction by NASA officials was that the impact would result in plumes of dust of more than 250 metric tons, but the most common refrain from those who got up early in the morning, busted out their telescopes and went outside to see the spectacle was, “We saw nothing.” So whether you are a West Coast loser who got up at 4:30 a.m. or an East Coast idiot who rose at 7:30 a.m. to see the lunar impact that NASA said would be visible through "mid-sized backyard" telescopes 10 inches or larger, you got the disappointment you had coming. Perhaps NASA should be more careful about posting messages and interactive maps on its Web site so people could find "a public event near you" to watch the event. If you’re asking yourself what the heck NASA was crashing rockets into the moon for in the first place, the goal of the $79 million mission was to determine whether there is water on the moon. And in spite of the fact that tools who got up early to watch the impact (or attempt to) saw nothing, NASA officials called the mission a success, saying the satellite sent back a good amount of data that now will be analyzed. The most popular locations for gatherings to watch the impact were, as you might expect, planetariums and observatories. Many such facilities had all-night events with food, music and other entertainment. One such place was California’s Fremont Peak Observatory, which has a 30-inch telescope described as "the most accessible public telescope in the [San Francisco] Bay area.” Accessible or not, that telescope was like every other telescope being used by every single tool who either stayed up all night or got up early to see a lame-duck lunar event that was all hype, no production. Thanks for nothing, NASA………….

A Smallville recap, anger management and little else for an Alabama football player and ruining the ambiance of Tijuana

- You may remember that a few weeks back, we chatted about a nasty incident in which University of Alabama linebacker Courtney Upshaw and his girlfriend, Kendall Grzyb, got into a nasty slap-fest in an on-campus parking lot. At the time, the most noteworthy part of the incident was the fact that Grzyb’s father, clearly a big Alabama football fan, actually seemed to side with Upshaw and imply that his daughter was a troublemaker who probably had it coming. But while I still think that’s pretty deplorable behavior for a dad, the case has since moved forward and after being charged with misdemeanor domestic violence and harassment, Upshaw has been ordered to complete an anger management course to resolve the case. Tuscaloosa County District Court Judge Joel Chandler gave Upshaw until Dec. 9 to complete the course. Grzyb has been given the same sentence and based on her old man’s comments following the incident, he must be nodding his head in agreement somewhere. Of course, Mr. Grzyb is also probably pumped up by the fact that avowed liar and certified douche bag/Alabama head coach Nick Saban did not suspend Upshaw for the incident and actually gave the linebacker his first collegiate start in last Saturday’s 38-20 win over Kentucky. Ultimately I supposed that sending both of these individuals to anger management is the best course of action, seeing as a police officer said he saw Upshaw grab the woman's forearm and push her away after she attempted to hit him in the face. Both of them were culpable in the fight and because this seems like just the sort of dysfunctional relationship that just won't end and couples like this just keep getting back together, having Grzyb and Upshaw learn how to control their tempers is a good thing. And props to Saban for not even giving a suspension for Upshaw a second thought; the most important thing is winning football games and the Nick-tator has his eyes on the prize……….

- Tonight was the night of the undead on Smallville, a tale that the writers and producers regrettably tried to show through my least-favorite plot setup for a TV show. That setup is, of course, having the first few minutes of the episode tell a story only to then spend the rest of the episode as a flashback leading up to the point where the episode started. It’s disjointed, it doesn’t build nearly the suspense and intrigue that these yahoos think it will and it removes the interest of not knowing where the episode is headed. So I’m going to blow right past the way the episode was structured and start at the beginning of the story, chronologically speaking. The Kandorians, i.e. the outer-space visitors from Clark Kent’s neck of the universe, release a deadly virus on Metropolis that turns everyone who is infected into a super-strength zombie. The virus is airborne, so it infects everyone, and it incubates while they sleep. Because the virus is released at night, that means by the time the city wakes up, zombies will abound. The first victims of the virus are the 12 ex-Navy SEALS that Tess Mercer has sent out in her latest attempts to track and locate the Kandorians. The SEAL team returns to the Luthor Mansion as zombies, killing every member of Tess’ security team they encounter and attacking Tess in the mansion’s main room. She tries to fend off three zombie SEALS, but one of them manages to sink his teeth into her shoulder and infect Tess with the virus. She apparently makes it through most of the night okay, but when she wakes up and heads to the Daily Planet to start her day, Tess begins to suffer some symptoms of the virus. She calls 911, is taken to the hospital by ambulance and falls asleep. While in her room, Clark and Lois come by the hospital after hearing about what happened at the Luthor Mansion. They enter Tess’ room but when Lois wakes the sleeping beauty, Tess goes full-on vampire and throws Lois across the room. Clark is able to subdue Tess long enough for the doctor to knock her out with anesthetic. The hospital is quickly quarantined because the doctors have no idea what has infected Tess and how. For answers to that, it’s up to Chloe and her new friend, Dr. Emil Hamilton. Clark nabs a vial of Tess’ blood from the hospital and the Chloe/Hamilton tandem tests the blood and maps out the pattern in which the virus is spreading around the city. The pathogen is like nothing anyone has ever seen and after detailed analysis, Dr. Hamilton determines that the only antigen he’s ever seen that could formulate a cure was in the blood of none other than the now-dead Davis Blume. Chloe tells him that she knows someone else who has that type of blood, but doesn’t tell him who. Perhaps Hamilton should have known, what with Clark using his super speed powers to whisk Hamilton from Chloe’s Watchtower apartment/lair to the hospital so the good doctor can dig for information on Tess’ condition with the doctor from the Center for Disease Assessment. Clark’s night has already been busy, as he and Lois were on the clock at the Planet and he took time out (a few seconds with his super speed) to first put out a five-alarm fire and then respond to a report of a high-speed motorcycle chase on the police scanner. At the scene, Clark pushes a huge flatbed truck piled high with metal piping out into the path of the biker, causing the speed demon to screech to a halt. That speed demon turns out to be Oliver Queen, still in his self-destructive phase and out for a late-night drive on his Ducati. Clark admits to Oliver that he was right, that Clark should have killed Davis when he had the chance instead of belieiving in him, but Oliver is not swayed. He repeatedly accuses Clark of having a God complex, then speeds off with the police in pursuit. Ollie is able to avoid a speeding ticket and other charges by seducing the über-hot female cop who is chasing him, but their rendezvous is cut short when she notices a camera lens on his belt buckle and assumed that Oliver was looking to make his own sex tape. He counters that he had no idea the spy lens was there, but the chick leaves and only then does Oliver realize where the implanted camera came from: Tess Mercer. Back at the Planet, things have gone to hell. Tess’ visit seems to have brought the virus to the staff and now a building full of zombies is going bat-sh*t crazy. Lois is under siege and figures out the trouble she’s in when she tries to revive Randall, a sleeping co-worker, and he too is a zombie. Clark returns just in time to help Lois beat back the zombies and escape, but she suffers a bite from one of the zombies and Clark realizes that if she falls asleep, she will be one of them when she wakes up. Moments later, Oliver arrives on the scene, shotgun in hand, and begins blasting zombies. Clark offers to go for help and sequesters Oliver and Lois in the elevator, figuring they’ll be safe there. He orders Oliver to keep Lois awake so that she won’t doze off and wake up as zombie Lois. CK then speeds off to Watchtower to respond to a text from Chloe. He readily admits to Hamilton that he is the one whose blood can be used to create an antidote, but wonders how his blood can be drawn because no needle can pierce his impenetrable skin. Chloe is one step ahead, having acquired liquid Krytponite from a contact of Hamilton’s. The needle is dipped in the liquid green goo, the blood is drawn, but Dr. Hamilton draws so much blood and has the needle in Clark’s arm for so long that Clark blacks out from the Kryptonite’s effects. Chloe wants to stay with him until he regains consciousness, but Hamilton says that they must mass-produce the antidote and get it into the city’s water supply ASAP. Clark is left alone to recover while Chloe and Hamilton take to the air in a jet, having put the antidote into the water supply but with one key element of the plan still to complete. For those Metropolis residents who haven’t taken a shower or drank tap water, Hamilton plans to use his scientific know-how to incite a rain storm and release the remaining antidote into the sky, to be rained down on the city. Chloe assists him in carrying out this risky tactic while Clark finally wakes up and is stunned to find a text from Oliver saying he’s “lost her.” The “her” he’s lost is Lois, whom Oliver allowed to fall asleep and who is now a zombie. Clark returns to the Planet and finds an angry zombie Lois ready to do battle. She throws him out a window and to the street below, where the fight continues. Clark manages to subdue Lois and hold her under control while Hamilton’s healing rain begins falling. Lois is indeed cured by the Clark-powered rain, as are any remaining citizens still with the virus in their bodies. Lois and Clark share a tender moment together and all is well - or so it seems. Ms. Lane even stops by the Kent Farm the next day to officially than CK, who fills her in on what a belligerent, badass zombie she was. Before Lois arrived, Clark was pulling an old picture of the lovely Lana Lang (the über, über-hot Kristin Kreuk) out of his wallet for good and putting it into a photo album, which was cool with me because any way to keep Kreuk as part of the show is a-ok with me. Once Lois says what she wants to say, she steps out the front door and has another of the trance-like flashbacks she’s been experiencing ever since her three-week sojourn to the future at the end of last season/beginning of this season. The visions are all basically the same: post-apocalyptic world, Clark and Lois naked and getting after it, Chloe dead or unconscious on the street, Oliver doing some manual labor with a shovel and the world in chaos. Not sure what any of this means, so we’ll have to wait and see on that. As the episode ends, the Kandorians make their first on-screen appearance of the episode. At the deserted Metropolis warehouse (where else, a deserted warehouse - shocker!), Major Zod meets with one of his men, Kurtz, who admits to having been the one that released the virus. Zod berates his subordinate, but Kurtz explains that the virus was part of a bigger plan. He had previously discovered the Kryptonian symbol that Clark has been burning into walls, buildings, etc. after saving people around Metropolis and recognizes the symbol as that of the House of Jor-El, Clark’s Kryptonian family. Kurtz deduces, wrongly, that it is Jor-El who has come to Earth along with the Kandorians and has somehow managed to figure out how to get his Kryptonian powers back on Earth. By deriving his powers from the sun, Jor-El (actually Kal-El) is able to run around saving people and the Kandorians believe that in so doing, he has turned his back on them and left them to flounder, powerless and alone. At first Zod ripped Kurtz for unleashing the virus because the humans would hunt them down and look to kill them once they knew the truth about who unleashed the virus, but Zod appears impressed once Kurtz produces a vial of the antidote and explains that the blood was taken from the being they are looking for. If they can hunt him down, Kurtz reasons, they can get their powers back and get revenge on Jor-El (again, actually Kal-El). Zod seems impressed….but he then has Kurtz kneel before him and proceeds to break out a sword and kill him. Insolence will not be tolerated in the Zod regime, I suppose. The last loose end to tie up comes when Clark finds Oliver in an alley after the city has been saved and proceeds to tear into his former friend for not doing what Clark asked him to do in keeping Lois awake. He challenges Oliver about how far he’s really fallen - scruffy, booze-swilling, pill-popping, cage-fighting - and Oliver ‘fesses up to the fact that Clark was right, that he has in fact been running from who he truly is and needs to face the truth. Clark challenges him to step up and do what he knows needs done, but it’s clear these two don’t have the same thing in mind. CK leaves thinking Oliver will return to his hero ways as Green Arrow, but instead Ollie douses the Arrow costume with some of his liquor, breaks out his lighter and burns the green-and-black leather get-up. He has no intention of being a hero, so Clark/The Blur will have to continue to be Metropolis’ savior. That was all for this episode, so until next week, when the Toy Man, one of last season’s more heinous villains, will make a comeback………….

- Maybe I’m just being cynical, but if Mexican authorities really do succeed in cleaning up the Baja California cities of Tijuana, Ensenada and Rosarito with their new task force thingy, won't that eliminate a lot of the fun that people go to their towns for? Sure, having American tourists heading to Mexico's Baja California state and end up dead or seriously injured may scare off a few wusses, but you don’t want those pansies hanging around anyhow. Had Mexican authorities had the foresight to seek my advice on this, I would have told them to forget their new task force, which will be made up of bilingual officers and will be designed primarily to serve Americans. What Americans heading to TJ want it more beer, more X, louder music in the clubs and cheaper tequila, not a task force. But alas, authorities are plowing ahead with their plan to create a force that patrols a 50-mile tourist corridor from Tijuana through Las Playas Rosarito to Ensenada in Baja California. No word on when this terrible idea will actually be put into play or how large the police force will be, but apparently the city of San Diego (I believe it’s pronounced San Dee-ah-go) is also on board with the idea. "We've always prided ourselves in our working relationship with our friends to the south," San Diego Mayor Jerry Sanders said. "When you look at it, we're really one community." Hey Jer, know who else is one big community? The drunken, high and out-of-control Americans would routinely flow across the border to TJ precisely for it’s lawless, “anything goes” atmosphere. I suppose the troublemaker among you could argue that what the authorities are really targeting here is the drug-fueled violence that has engulfed most of Mexico, but I prefer to be difficult and disagreeable. I don’t think that this new task force will do a damn thing to help boost Mexico’s $13 billion travel industry or cause an increase in the number of Americans (18 million last year). Even Tijuana Mayor Jorge Ramos admitted that tourism in Baja, California in the past two years has remained steady, so what’s the problem? I say we keep Tijuana lawless, rowdy and reckless and don’t try to rob it of its personality, who’s with me? Everyone, that’s what I thought…………

- Would you like to own a piece of American criminal history? If so, the family that purchased one gangster legend Al Capone’s old hideouts, Wisconsin lodge located on 407 acres in Couderay, Wisconsin, has a sweet deal for you. Whether Capone carried out his bootlegging, gang murders and tax evasion schemes on the property is up for debate, but what you can't argue is that tough financial times have forced owner Guy Houston to put the property on the auction block. It went into foreclosure in April 2008 and now this picturesque two-story stone lodge, tucked away in the woods, can be yours for the low, low price of $2.6 million. Actually, that’s just the starting bid. Odds are that the winning bidder will have to go above and beyond that when the property is auctioned off on the steps of the Sawyer County Courthouse, three hours from Minneapolis. It’s been 60 years since Capone's death, but it’s fitting that one of the most notorious gangsters of all-time still can't escape one of the inevitable realities of life in 2009: foreclosure. Because the Houston family can no longer afford to keep the property, it will now be auctioned off to the highest bidder. That bidder will receive a property that includes a 37-acre lake and eight-car garage. In reality, the Capone family only owned the property in the 1920s and the Houston family has owned it since the 1950s. The bank that is auctioning off the property claims to have received interest from more than 100 buyers since it was initially advertised in September. Hopefully one of those buyers is an über-rich devotee of the mystique crafted and fostered by Capone and other gangsters of his era. That way, the person dumb enough to shill out several millions of dollars for this property can then turn it into their own personal tribute to the good old days, when gangsters ran the big cities, smuggled illegal whiskey in from Canada and dressed in sweet pinstriped suits. I say that whoever is pathetic enough to make this purchase should be forced to dress in 1920s gangster swag 24/7, speak only in terms and language used during that time period and forced to eschew all modern conveniences - color TV, computers, the Internet, reliable indoor plumbing, etc. - that came to be since Capone’s death. Suffice it to say I just don’t get the allure of this sort of purchase, especially given that the home was merely one of Capone’s hideouts and he often chilled at properties in Indiana, Michigan and Florida, too. Oh, and no one can definitively verify that Capone ever stayed in the Wisconsin lodge, so you could be wasting your money entirely. That being said, I look forward to seeing which schmuck ends up winning the auction and whether he or she will be willing to accept my terms and conditions for living in the house…………

- Who knows, maybe I’m just piling on here, but calling Wednesday night TV a vacuous wasteland of bad programming is just how I feel. The past few weeks, I have found myself scanning through the major networks and channels on Wednesday night, trying to find something - anything - worth watching between 8 and 10 p.m. Every single time, I have come up empty and elected to read a book instead. What exactly is so bad about Wednesday night television? Let’s start with NBC, where the network’s deep thinkers clearly could not bear to be without a hospital-themed drama now that ER has gone the way of the dinosaurs. In its place, they have inserted their new medical drama Mercy. Let’s just say I tried to plow through a segment of this show and found the humor nonexistent, the “drama” as riveting as wondering whether all of the Pringles in a can will be broken to pieces by the time I eat them and the overall quality of the show to be one star out of five at best. Chasing that winner for NBC is one of the network’s old standbys, Law & Order: SVU. Every incarnation of Law & Order is tired, clichéd and worn out by this point, so this is a no-go for me. Plus, watching a show fake sexual assaults isn't exactly what I call a pick me up. Still, NBC’s Wednesday night lineup is downright epic compared to the crap that CBS is running out there. The first hour of prime time is held down by two prime examples of why I absolutely, unequivocally hate half-hour sitcoms. They’re predictable, they are too short to develop any real storylines and the entire show is basically the writers trying to execute comedy that inevitably falls short. That being said, Gary Unmarried and The New Adventures of Old Christine are especially bad and the latter half of that crap-tastic combo is almost lame enough to make me hate Julia Louis-Dreyfuss in spite of her Seinfeld days (one of the few, few half-hour sitcoms that ever worked). On the heels of those two winners, the nation’s most-watched network calls in Criminal Minds, which just isn't good enough to crack the top tier of crime-themed dramas and came in late in the game when CSI and other series had already claimed that genre. As for the ugly redheaded stepchildren of the four main networks, the CW and Fox, let’s just say they are offering up America’s Next Top Runway Bimbo and So You Think You Can Dance?, respectively, as the cornerstones of their Wednesday night lineups. The only saving grace for the night comes from MTV, of all places, with Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Ruins, which is far and away the best season of this franchise even though it’s only two weeks old. Simply put, Wes may or may not be on steroids and half of the ridiculously chiseled guys in the house probably are as well, but the sheer hatred and potential for a fight at any moment between Wes and his teammates is flat-out awesome. Sure, this is humanity at its worst and it panders to the lowest common denominator of society, but that doesn’t mean it isn't the best programming MTV has churned out in a long time. Still not enough to save Wednesday nights from TV oblivion, but close……………

Difficult drunk driving choices, Braylon gets the boot and issues caused by Himalayan glacial melting

- The decision of what to do when you are too drunk to drive is always a dicey one. Even if you assume that not getting behind the wheel yourself is the obvious choice (and it should be), that in and of itself doesn’t solve the quandary. Even then, a lush must decide between multiple options: calling a cab, having a friend drive them home in their own car, having a friend come pick them up in the friend’s car, walking home - you can see how tough the choice can be. For one Marin County, California couple, the answer turned out to be none of the above. They didn’t call a cab after getting drunk during dinner at a downtown restaurant Sunday night, nor did they call a friend to drive them home. But why would they need a friend when they had the woman’s son with them to do the driving - their 13-year-old son. Yes, Heather Choulos and her boyfriend decided that having her underage son do the driving because they were just too liquored up to drive themselves. And a splendid plan it was, right up to the point where the boy stopped the car because he was "freaked out" and refused to drive further. Police came upon the vehicle when they investigated a call about vehicle stalled on a major thoroughfare. That’s when they found the family Choulous and unraveled the convoluted plot that brought them to that point. The boy will obviously face no charges, but his mother will face charges of child endangerment and contributing to the delinquency of a minor — both misdemeanors. Oh, and it’s also worth nothing that both adults in this situation have multiple drunken-driving arrests, so while their judgment here seems sketchy, it may actually be an improvement for them. The boyfriend, not being charged with any crime, was not immediately identified. In the end, I’m going to have to come down on the negative side of this one, because having a terrified kid driving with two slobbering-drunk adults in the car trying to guide him is an extremely minor improvement (no pun intended) over the drunks driving themselves. It’s still not an acceptable solution to the drunk driving conundrum and Heather Choulos and her boyfriend can do better…..I hope…………

- For all of the jokes about troubled wide receiver Braylon Edwards being traded to the New York Jets because he (allegedly) assaulted a friend of LeBron James and James had him shipped out of town, the reality of why Edwards is gone can be seen merely by tracing back through Edwards’ time in Cleveland. After being drafted by the Browns in 2005, Edwards enjoyed three relatively productive seasons, culminating in his 1,289-yard, 16-touchdown season in 2007. But during his time in Cleveland, he has repeatedly clashed with teammates and coaches, failed to show up for minicamps, gotten speeding tickets for going 120 mph and been the one out getting drunk (and possibly high) with then-teammate Donte Stallworth the night Stallworth struck and killed pedestrian Mario Reyes on South Beach. On the field, his stone hands and NFL-best skills at dropping passes have made him a frequent target for disgruntled fans tired of watching their team lose. By the time Edwards cold-cocked Edward Givens (allegedly) early Monday morning outside of a Cleveland nightclub, he was already on thin ice. And so while the NFL investigates whether Edwards violated the league's conduct policy, he is being shipped off to New York to cause his headaches there. He could still be suspended by the NFL because the league's conduct policy states that discipline may be imposed for "the use or threat of violence." Cleveland police are also continuing their own investigation, so criminal charges could still be forthcoming. Reports have also surfaced that other Browns players may have been involved in the incident outside of the View Ultralounge and Nightclub. The one humorous side of this story, if you can call it that, is Edwards’ insistence (prior to this incident) that his troubles in Cleveland stemmed largely from the fact that he is a Michigan native and attended the University of Michigan prior to coming to Cleveland. “The state of Ohio hates Michigan,” Edwards is quoted as saying. “I’m not making anything up.” Well now you don’t have to worry about that, B. Now you can play in a place where millions of New Yorkers will be able to hate you solely because you are an overrated, stone-handed receiver who drops key passes and often acts like an ass toward his coaches and teammates…………

- I never enjoy bringing you negative environmental news, but that’s the only type of environmental news there seems to be these days, so here goes. Apparently the beautiful glaciers in the Himalayas are receding quicker than those in other parts of the world and could disappear altogether by 2035, according to the 2007 Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) report. The glaciers are a key part of the ecosystem because their runoff has an essential role in the economies, agriculture and even religions of the region’s countries. Deglaciation could deprive those regions of one of their main water sources and seriously harm the many rivers the glaciers help supply: the Indus River in Pakistan, the Brahmaputra that flows through Bangladesh, the Mekong that descends through Southeast Asia, the Irrawaddy in Myanmar, the Yellow and Yangtze rivers of China and a multitude of smaller rivers that flow through the Indo-Gangetic plains of Northern India. Using satellite data from the Indian Space Applications Center, in Ahmedabad, India, scientists have determined that from 1962 to 2004, more than 1,000 Himalayan glaciers have retreated by around 16 percent. The increase in runoff has already sparked an increase in the occurrence of Glacier Lake Outburst Floods (GLOFs), which result in loss of lives, property destruction, a loss cultivable land and environmental degradation (not unlike a visit to your hotel by a drunken Axl Rose). Some countries, namely India and China, are actually looking for ways to turn the lemons of this situation into glacial lemonade by exploring opportunities to harness Himalayan waters for hydroelectric power projects. Still, the power that could be provided by such endeavors would be outweighed by the many negative long-term consequences of deglaciation. Less glacial runoff because of shrinking glaciers would mean less available water and in turn, all-out brawls between nations who depend on glacier-fueled bodies of water for their survival. The South Asia Network on Dams, Rivers and People estimates that almost 70 percent of the non-monsoon flows in almost all the Himalayan rivers come from glacier melt. In other words….uh-oh! Even if China and India are able to follow through on plans to sign an agreement this month that will enable scientists to cooperate on cross border research with regard to the Himalayan glacial melt, disaster could still be on the way in this very combustible region of the world. Just don’t expect the fight to be conducted using water guns…………

- Good grief. Thanks for reminding me why I despise you and groups like yours, National Organization for Women. Even though I think David Letterman is a scumbag for sleeping with numerous female staffers on his late-night show over the years and cheating on his girlfriend (now his wife) in the process, the hubbub that kooks like NOW are making out of this molehill is absurd and offensive. Even after Letterman admitted his misdeeds as part of explaining the extortion scheme against him, NOW is all over his case, accusing him of promoting a hostile, uncomfortable work environment. "The latest Letterman controversy sheds new light on the widespread objectification of women in the workplace," NOW said in a statement Tuesday. "Most women can attest to the fact that many workplaces are plagued with inappropriate behavior by men in power." Uh huh, whatever. Look, nothing pisses me off more than organizations like now claiming that men are somehow forcing themselves on these women or taking advantage of them when in reality, odds are that these chicks hopped into bed with Letterman because…..wait for it…..they wanted to. Whether it was the fascination some women have with powerful men, some sort of other attraction or just getting drunk and doing something stupid, not one of these women has ever accused Letterman of coercing them into sexual activity. None of the women claims that Letterman threatened to fire them or withhold a promotion if they didn’t sleep with him. The only crime he appears to have been committed by CBS producer Robert Halderman, who allegedly threatened to go public with embarrassing information about Letterman's private life unless the comedian ponied up $2 million. How ridiculous are the femi-Nazis at NOW for saying that Letterman's behavior was inappropriate because “all employees should be respected for their talent and skills.” For one, I’m pretty sure Letterman did respect their talent and skills, especially their skills in the bedroom. Secondly, his sleeping with them has nothing to do with his evaluation of their work performance. The two are mutually exclusive and he could absolutely have sexed it up with a woman one night and treated her fairly as an employee in the future. "Recent developments in the David Letterman extortion controversy have raised serious issues about the abuse of power leading to an inappropriate, if not hostile, workplace environment for women and employees," NOW said in Tuesday's statement. Blah, blah, blah. Saying that Letterman created a “hostile work environment through sex” is ludicrous because that’s implying that what happened in whatever location Letterman and his ladies got carnal was then brought into the office and I just don’t believe you can say that with certainty. Stop trying to create more problems where those additional problems don’t exist, NOW. You are agitators, irritants and instigators who are more concerned with your own agenda and proving your point than you are with truth and reality. Go away, you femi-Nazi cows, and stop making life even more miserable than it already is for the rest of us………..

- How is this for a rarity in the music world? This week, Eminem revealed that his "Relapse 2" album, slated for a late 2009 release, is already finished. During an interview, the rapper said that fans can't expect plenty of surprises on the album, including a rap showdown with his protégé 50 Cent. "It's pretty much finish as far as recording. All that's left to do is mix," Eminem said. "We've kind of done it [rap face-offs] on other records, but not like to the extent on this one." For those expecting a carbon copy of the first "Relapse," which sold 608,000 copies in the United States in its first week and has moved 1,461,000 units to date, this album will be a bit of a disappointment. Eminem insists that this album will be much different on several levels. "The overall basis of the record is going to be more emotionally driven. On the last record I was concentrated more on just spitting," he said. “I had to get it all out of my system -- I wanted to prove to myself I can do it again. He added that now that he’s at a place in his career where he doesn’t need to put albums out and does so because he wants to, the end product could be even better. For “Relapse 2,” past collaborators like Mr. Porter, Just Blaze and Dr. Dre will all be on the album to varying extents. Dre is, of course, Eminem’s long-time mentor and the two have a great rapport. To help build the hype for the album’s release, Eminem will be one of the headliners at this year's Voodoo Experience festival in New Orleans, his first full live performance in over four years. Not that there aren’t enough big names to draw fans to that festival anyhow, but the chance to see Eminem perform a full set for the first time in four years should definitely make the Voodoo Experience festival a hot ticket. With the album already in the can, it remains to be seen if fans will receive it with the same enthusiasm as Eminem’s previous efforts…………

Decrying college football coaches who just won't leave, questioning GNR and Conan O'Brien v. Newark in a battle with no winner

- Tenured college football coaches who are basically given carte blanche to stay at their college or university as long as they want without anyone calling for their ouster are one of my major pet peeves in sports. The notion that guys like Joe Paterno can simply continue coaching as long as they want, regardless of how their team is currently performing, is ludicrous. If a guy won national championships 30 years ago but is now presiding over a fading program, how can you justify keeping him on? You’re going to allow loyalty to one guy to ruin things for everyone? That brings me to the situation at Florida State, where head football coach Bobby Bowden is presiding over just such a program. Bowden, who is second all-time in Division I football in terms of coaching wins, has seen the program steadily regress into a collection of felons, academic cheaters and on-field underachievers over the past decade. This year, the Crimi-noles are a paltry 2-2, having lost a key game to in-state rival Miami, another stunner to in-state competitor South Florida and barely scraped by in a 19-9 victory over FCS opponent Jacksonville (Ala.) State on Sept. 12. FSU can’t even make it to the top of the perennially mediocre Atlantic Coast Conference and the off-field scandals are mounting. With all of that in mind, there are a growing number of cries from in and around the university for Bowden to move on and coach-in-waiting Jimbo Fisher (another concept I hate, pre-determining your next coach years in advance) to have his ascent accelerated. Members of the school’s board of trustees, which has no direct power over coaching decisions, have called for a change on the grounds that the program is slowly sinking into mediocrity. We've got too many bosses out there," chairman of the board Jim Smith said. "Jimbo is in a very, very tough situation where people assume he has a whole lot more authority than he really has. He's get