Posts
- This is one trend I would love to see continue. Any time race car drivers want to issue apologies for the crappiness of their little driving competition, I’ll welcome their words with open arms. I’m on the record as a) adamantly believing that auto racing in any form is not a sport and b) that any competition wherein human beings do not provide almost all of the power necessary to take part is not a sport. It doesn’t matter if it’s IndyCar, NASCAR, go karts, Funny Car, drag racing or any other variation on auto racing, they are all equally fraudulent when it comes to being real sports. So when drivers like Scott Dixon describe the IndyCar Series race at Richmond International Raceway as "a bit of a procession, unfortunately," and said the 300-lap event was frustrating, I am behind him 100 percent. I’m even more pumped when runner-up Dario Franchitti apologized to fans for an "awful, awful race.” Gentlemen, I thank you for your honesty and wish that all race car drivers would be so forthright. After every single race, drivers need to hop out of their cars, find the nearest microphone and profusely apologize for what they just took part in. I don’t want canned, rehashed apologies, either; I want a genuine, heartfelt mea culpa for having anything to do with driving cars around in a loop really fast for hours on end and trying to pass it off as a sport. It also wouldn’t hurt to admit that you’re trying to claim as a sport something tens of millions of Americans do every day: getting into a car, driving fast, changing lanes without signaling, cutting off other drivers and trying not t o run into barriers along the side of the road. And no, I don’t want to hear how the apologies from Dixon and Franchitti were because of this specific race at this specific track, which has apparently been problematic for IndyCar in the past as well. I’m going to blow right past those alleged facts and take joy in the fact that for once, participants in an auto race are openly apologizing for how awful their event was and they meant it…….
- Maybe it’s just me, but Republican state Sen. Jake Knotts of South Carolina sounds really angry. Knotts, the chief rival of Gov. Mark Sanford, has already stated his intentions to pursue a criminal prosecution of Sanford -- even if he has to go to Washington. To that end, he’s called on prosecutors to launch a criminal probe and plans to pursue an investigation in the state legislature, the state attorney general’s office and possibly a federal probe. “When you can’t get results in your own state, there is a Justice Department in Washington,” Knotts declared. “I don’t want to go that route. I want us to wash our own laundry and clean up our own act.” All right, I can get with a good laundry metaphor. But let’s carry this thing out all the way, k? You also need to rant on about throwing Sanford’s dirty laundry in the washing machine of the legal system, dumping in the detergent of due process, mixing in the bleach of justice and cleansing away the stains of gubernatorial misconduct and financial irresponsibility.
“Somebody’s gonna look at this,” Knotts said. “Somebody’s gonna look to the bottom of it and somebody’s gonna give me some answers.” Gonna give you some answers? You? Why exactly are they answering to state Sen. Jake Knotts of South Carolina? Look bro, I too would be bitter of the governor of my state had (allegedly) left the state numerous to visit his mistress in Argentina without turning over control to his second-in-command and charged taxpayers for an earlier stop in Argentina where he visited her. I think we’d all be angry about that, even if the offending governor promised to repay more than $8,000 for that stop, which Sanford has done. What seems to be fueling Knotts’ fire is that state legal officials are saying at this point they have nothing to investigate. “At this point we have not launched an investigation,” Reggie Lloyd, Director of the South Carolina law Enforcement Division, told ABC. “We don’t anticipate it unless somebody brought us new facts.” Perhaps Knotts is also livid that Sanford’s office has stated that he intends to remain in office for the remaining 18 months of his term. I can't say either of those things for certain, but what I can say is that of all the people who are upset about this situation, state Sen. Jake Knotts of South Carolina is by far the angriest and most militant person we’ve heard from……..
- When music fans and observers look back at the influential bands to come out of the Pacific Northwest during the 1990s, Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden and even Screaming Trees usually pop up first. A band that doesn’t receive as much recognition is pioneering Seattle rock band Sunny Day Real Estate, which put out some pretty freaking good music in the mid-90s. The problem for SDRE was that the band always seemed to be teetering on the verge of implosion and could never stick and stay together long enough to put out more than an album or two in a row. The release of 1994's "Diary" and the untitled follow-up commonly known as "LP2" or "The Pink Album" in 1995 provided some seminal indie-type rock classics, but tension was always lurking for the band. By the time the second album was released, the band had already broken up, due in part to frontman Jeremy Enigk's conversion to Christianity. Three years passed, with Enigk striking out on his own for some lighter-sounding solo releases while drummer William Goldsmith and guitarist Nate Mendel joined Foo Fighters. In 1998, the band suddenly regrouped with all of its original members - except Mendel, who remained with Foo Fighters. In his place, SDRE trotted out a steady stream of replacement bassists, none of who seemed to allow the band to fully replicate its original sound. The reconfigured SDRE recorded the acclaimed album "How It Feels to Be Something On.” The new version of the band made it all of two years and released a second album, album "The Rising Tide," before falling apart again. This time, Enigk, Mendel and Goldsmith reunited shortly after the break-up under the name Fire Theft. Fire Theft put out all of one album, 2003’s self-titled effort, but that was the end of the line for them. Enigk has since released two solo albums and an EP, the most recent of those coming out last month on his own label. Now, Sunny Day Real Estate is set to reunite with its original lineup for the first time since 1998. The band will reissue its first two albums and hit the road this fall, marking SDRE’s first shows of any kind since November 2000. Dates begin Sept. 17 in Vancouver and run through Oct. 16 in Seattle. The set lists for the shows, which will include stops in place like Salt Lake City, Detroit, Chicago, New York, Atlanta, Houston and Anaheim, will be heavy on material from the band’s first two albums. “Some songs make me cringe, and some still blow me away," Enigk said 2003 during an interview about the legacy of Sunny Day Real Estate. "Some songs that made me cringe once, blow me away now.” It will be good to see the band back together and out on the road, although history would suggest that this reunion isn’t likely to be long lived……
- No matter how hard you try, you just can’t give some morons a second chance. Journey with me to the town of Watsonville. Calif., where a known gang member took less than 24 hours to throw away an incredibly generous break from a judge. Colby Isidro appeared before Judge Paul Marigonda on felony charges stemming from a December incident, but the judge decided to throw Isidro a bone and reduce the charges to misdemeanors. Isidro was charged with assault with a deadly weapon and being an active member of the Norteno street gang, so it’s amazing that Judge Marigonda treated him as kindly as he did. All Isidro had to do was serve 3 years probation and 180 days of work furlough, which is a pretty sweet deal. Don’t take my word for it; the Santa Cruz District Attorney called it a "sweet deal" as well. So what to do with new-found, unmerited freedom? How about trying to flee from the cops when they pull over your car, getting caught a ways down the road and being discovered with a loaded gun? Now he’s back where he belongs - in the clink. Isidro has been charged with possession of a loaded gun and attempting an act of street terrorism in the name of the Norteno gang. He handled his first hearing in this new case with unquestionable class and intelligence, pleading not guilty. When told that he would need to waive his right to a speedy trial if he wanted to be represented by the same attorney that had just gotten him out of a felony assault charge and gang enhancement, he replied, "No speedy trial, let's get this show on the road!" Never mind that both parts of that statement mean the same thing, idiot. Let’s focus on the fact that you managed to get yourself saddled with a public defender and when you return to court on July 10, you’re going to be facing one very pissed off judge. Perhaps this will teach Judge Marigonda a valuable lesson about trying to be lenient and giving idiots like Colby Isidro a chance to redeem themselves……..
- Color me doubtful, but I have a very tough time believing that the alleged dispatches from North Korea's state news agency showing up on Twitter are legitimate. A Twitter feed using the name "kcna—dprk" — acronyms of Pyongyang's state Korean Central News Agency and the country's official name, the Democratic People's Republic of Korea — purports to be the real deal, but so do a lot of bogus Twitter feeds of famous people and entities. Whoever set up this practical joke did some serious work, as the feed provides links to hundreds of the agency's English-language stories. and rocks a background showing the North's red-and-blue national flag. News-relay feeds on Twitter are nothing new and have popped up on the site with regularity almost since its creation. Ironically, even if the Twitter feed were really from the government of North Korea, its people still would not have access to the site or the Internet itself. The dictatorial, Communist regime restricts Internet access to high-ranking officials while keeping all of its 24 million people from surfing the Web at all. Most of those people likely have no idea what Twitter is or that kcna—dprk had tweeted 562 stories since late April. Just another of the many perks and bennies to living in one of the world's most isolated nations. And as I said, there is a definite precedent for pulling this sort of stunt, pretending to be someone of importance on Twitter. Other Twitter users have operated similar news-relay feeds in the past, including one for CNN. That situation actually worked out quite well for James Cox, the man who started the feed for CNN reports under the handle "cnnbrk.” The network actually bought it from Cox, which is probably more than he deserved under the circumstances. As for "kcna—dprk," the feed has more than 2,800 followers and is following almost as many others, including one tool claiming to be North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il. I doubt the legitimacy of that account even more than I doubt "kcna—dprk," given the fact that the bio for “Kim Jong Il” describes himself as "the ruler of North Korea. I like leading, chillaxin', inventing things, and following my dreams. I'm better at everything than you." While I don’t doubt that K.J. Il2 thinks he is better at everything than everyone (he once claimed to have shot ten holes-in-one during the first round of golf he ever played), let’s go ahead and assume that the dictator of a nation in possession of nuclear weapons and looking to launch WWIII isn’t using the word “chillaxin.” Nice try, though……..
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
A long overdue apology for auto racing, an abnormally angry state senator in South Carolina and a Sunny Day Real Estate reunion
Monday, June 29, 2009
Why the NCAA needs to grow a sense of humor, dorks develop iPhone apps featuring porn and a weekend military coup livens up life in Honduras
- Lighten up, NCAA. I know you feel the need to be the big, bad arm of the law for collegiate athletics, but it would really be better for everyone if you would just loosen up. For example, when five Division II wrestlers, one head coach, two assistant coaches and a donor attend the D-2 the national championships in Houston, get liquored up and trash hotel rooms, you should consider not suspending them and perhaps even applauding them for bringing some fun and excitement to what could otherwise be an extremely dull few days. Let’s face it: who gives a crap about the NCAA Division II wrestling championships? The overwhelming majority of sports fans don’t care or know about the D-I wrestling championships, so there’s no way they have any interest in the second-tier of the sport. Instead of reprimanding and fining these nine individuals, you should be celebrating them. I’ll assume that the fines were levied against the non-athletes, as the NCAA can't exactly impose financial penalties on student-athletes. The fines weren’t huge, totaling only $4,000, but it’s the principle of the thing, dammit. Fine, upstanding colleges and universities such as Nebraska-Omaha, Findlay, Upper Iowa, Newberry and Minnesota State, Moorhead had their names sullied because the NCAA has no sense of humor or concept of fun. Big deal, one wrestler, both assistant coaches and a donor were arrested for public intoxication, another wrestler was arrested for evading arrest and the others were cited for unruly behavior and property damage. They are likely not the first to do property damage to the Hyatt Regency in Houston and I’m guessing they won't be the last. At least people are talking about the NCAA Division II wrestling championships, which is something you can't normally say…….
- Nothing livens up a weekend quite like a military coup and the arrest of a country’s president. That means Honduras is having quite a fun time at the moment, given the fact that the Honduran military arrested President Jose Manuel Zelaya Sunday morning, the same day he vowed to follow through with a referendum that Honduras' Supreme Court had ruled illegal. A government official confirmed that Zelaya was detained and sent out of the country, landing in Costa Rica later in the day. He was seized at his official residence by a military team, which encountered resistance from Zelaya's guards. Reports on whether Zelaya was injured during his capture varied, but it is not believed that he was seriously harmed in any way. He has been a lightning rod of controversy since being elected in 2005. Zelaya is an extreme leftist who has openly opposed the other branches of government. Their issues came to a head over the issue of Sunday's planned referendum, which would ask voters to place a measure on November's ballot allowing the formation of a constitutional assembly that could modify the nation's charter to allow the president to run for another term. In other words, dude doesn’t want to leave office and is looking to rig the constitution to allow him to run again. Why he doesn’t just force the legislature to pass such a measure, as Hugo Chavez did, or fix the election, as Mahmoud Ahmadinejad did, I don’t know. Zalaya’s four-year term ends in January 2010 and the current law prevents him from running for re-election. In a desperation measure, he attempted to push the issue to a vote and it took the Honduras Supreme Court all of a few days to rule the poll illegal. Congress and the top military leaders agreed, but Zelaya wasn’t hearing it. When he went ahead with printing the ballots, the military confiscated them from the presidential residence. The military also ripped the state-run television news station from the air, further silencing Zelaya’s voice. In response, Zelaya fired the country's top military commander, Gen. Romeo Vasquez Velasquez. He also dubbed the court as the "Supreme Court of Injustice," which would be funny if it weren’t so unimaginative. I do like the fact that Zelaya was so intent on holding his referendum that he led a protest to the military base where the ballots were being held and took them back. That being said, the military ruled Honduras for 25 years, right up to the point a democratically elected civilian government came to power in 1982, so it’s not as if they don’t know how to seize control and rule with an iron fist. Still, I would be remiss if I didn’t thank everyone involved for an extremely entertaining spectacle, regardless of how it turns out…….
- Here’s someone you’re going to want to avoid inviting to your birthday party. Taylor Chee Walls of Naples, Florida isn’t exactly the most gracious, giving party guest. In fact, not only is she not very giving, she’s much more focused on taking. According to police reports, Walls went to Ryan Fibble’s house on June 18 to help celebrate his birthday. The two are (or were) apparently friends and so it made sense that she would go over and help him celebrate his birthday. Other friends came as well and brought gifts and cash for the birthday boy, but those gifts wouldn’t be in Walls’ possession for long. When Fibble woke up in the morning, he found that Walls and all of his birthday gifts— including $300 cash— were missing. Uh oh. He immediately contacted the Collier County sheriff’s office after learning that Walls dropped off an Adidas bag full of the stolen gifts, minus the $300, in the driveway of another friend’s house. Hmm, so the gifts disappear and then reappear and she’s the one bringing them back, except that the cash is missing. Do you think that perhaps she’s the one who stole the….no, it can't be. Wait, you mean to tell me that later in the day, Walls was dumb enough to send Fibble a text message, offering to repay him the stolen $300? Oh. But wait, there’s more. Later in the day, she reversed field and sent a second text message taking back her offer to return the cash. Good one, lady. No one is going to think you have the stolen cash then! Just tell the guy that you were kidding about offering him the money back because you don’t have it and that the person who saw you dump the bag of stolen gifts in their driveway was just hallucinating. Police didn’t seem confused by Walls’ antics at all, tracking her down at her home, arresting her and charging her with felony grand theft. It has been a while since I offered up a lesson from my seminar for aspiring-but-stupid criminals, so let’s break one out here. If you are enough of a scumbag to steal $850 worth of presents and cash from your friend at their birthday party, do not return the non-cash gifts by dumping them in the driveway of a mutual friend and do not, under any circumstances, send a text message, email or leave a voice mail offering to return the stolen money. Take the money and run, both from the police and the realization that you are a douche bag without a soul and don’t deserve any friends. Thank you to Ms. Walls for providing me a chance to teach that valuable lesson…….
- Hmm…..the tech dorks out there looking to come up with new iPhone apps are among the least likely to have kissed an actual girl or had sex with one in their life, so they would probably be among the chief consumers of online porn, no? Sounds like solid reasoning to me, which is why I’m not the least bit surprised at reports that Apple was considering the approval of the first iPhone apps containing pictures of naked women. Reports that Hottest Girls had become the first application approved for sale in the iTunes App Store that contains nudity proved to be premature. The app itself is nothing new, but what has changed is the addition of topless women to its gallery of “2200+ sexy bikini babes and lingerie models.” Of course, pathetic losers have been able to access all the porn they need on their iPhone through its Internet browser, but this would have been the first time Apple officially sanctioned images of naked women for the iPhone. With the addition of expanded parental controls in the new iPhone 3.0 OS software, some industry observers felt that approving a porn app might make more sense. Those who have test-driven the Hottest Girls app haven’t exactly given it glowing reviews, but then again, it’s porn, so what sort of quality is to be expected. As long as there are pictures of naked chicks to be seen, pathetic losers everywhere will come a flockin’. But not only did Apple not approve the porn twist add-on for Hottest Girls; the app actually disappeared from the iTunes store shortly after news of the approval began circulating. Of course, a website allegedly run by Hottest Girls app developers had an explanation locked and loaded for the situation. “The Hottest Girls app is temporarily sold out. The server usage is extremely high because of the popularity of this app. Thus, by not distributing the app, we can prevent our servers from crashing. Those who already have the app will still be able to use our app. To answer the question on everyone’s mind: Yes, the topless images will still be there when it is sold again.” Thanks for that, never-kissed-a-girl dork. Apple also had its say on the matter, with Apple spokesman Tom Neumayr weighing in thusly: “Apple will not distribute applications that contain inappropriate content, such as pornography. The developer of this application added inappropriate content directly from their server after the application had been approved and distributed, and after the developer had subsequently been asked to remove some offensive content. This was a direct violation of the terms of the iPhone Developer Program. The application is no longer available on the App Store.” Sounds to me like the Hottest Girls app developer is a lying sack of sh*t attempting to obscure the truth about what really happened. Oh well, I guess dorks will have to go back to getting their iPhone porn the old-fashioned way, through the Web browser……..
- This next story is a truly sad one. I want to wish a very melancholy happy trails to legendary infomercial pitchman Billy Mays, who died at his Tampa, Florida, home Sunday morning. First and foremost, thoughts and prayers to the Mays family for what appears to be a totally unexpected tragedy. Mays, ironically enough, was 50 years old, the same age as Michael Jackson, who died Thursday. The one complicating factor in Mays’ death could be the fact that he was on the US Airways flight from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, to Tampa on Saturday that had a hard landing at Tampa International Airport when the plane's front tire blew out. Although no injuries were reported from the crash, Mays said in an interview that he did take a hit to the head from falling baggage during the bumpy landing. "All of a sudden as we hit you know it was just the hardest hit, all the things from the ceiling started dropping. It hit me on the head, but I got a hard head," he declared. The Hillsborough County medical examiner will perform an autopsy, which should determine if the blow to the head played any role in Mays’ death. He was officially pronounced dead at 7:45 a.m., making him the fourth big-name celebrity (Jackson, actress Farrah Fawcett and TV personality Ed McMahon) to pass away within the past week. Mays was known as a pitch man for a variety of products, but perhaps none more so than his shouting ads for the cleaning product OxiClean. He could also be seen in commercials for ESPN’s “ESPN 360” online video service and on the reality TV show ''Pitchmen'' on the Discovery Channel, which follows pitch people in their jobs. His signature jet-black hair and beard were also key parts of Mays’ persona, which seemed to translate no matter what product he was pitching. His enthusiasm and exuberance drew in people who had no interest in a given product and kept them watching simply to see Billy Mays do his thing. So it is with immense sadness that I once again wish happy trails to Mays and marvel at what a true downer of a week this has been………
- Nothing livens up a weekend quite like a military coup and the arrest of a country’s president. That means Honduras is having quite a fun time at the moment, given the fact that the Honduran military arrested President Jose Manuel Zelaya Sunday morning, the same day he vowed to follow through with a referendum that Honduras' Supreme Court had ruled illegal. A government official confirmed that Zelaya was detained and sent out of the country, landing in Costa Rica later in the day. He was seized at his official residence by a military team, which encountered resistance from Zelaya's guards. Reports on whether Zelaya was injured during his capture varied, but it is not believed that he was seriously harmed in any way. He has been a lightning rod of controversy since being elected in 2005. Zelaya is an extreme leftist who has openly opposed the other branches of government. Their issues came to a head over the issue of Sunday's planned referendum, which would ask voters to place a measure on November's ballot allowing the formation of a constitutional assembly that could modify the nation's charter to allow the president to run for another term. In other words, dude doesn’t want to leave office and is looking to rig the constitution to allow him to run again. Why he doesn’t just force the legislature to pass such a measure, as Hugo Chavez did, or fix the election, as Mahmoud Ahmadinejad did, I don’t know. Zalaya’s four-year term ends in January 2010 and the current law prevents him from running for re-election. In a desperation measure, he attempted to push the issue to a vote and it took the Honduras Supreme Court all of a few days to rule the poll illegal. Congress and the top military leaders agreed, but Zelaya wasn’t hearing it. When he went ahead with printing the ballots, the military confiscated them from the presidential residence. The military also ripped the state-run television news station from the air, further silencing Zelaya’s voice. In response, Zelaya fired the country's top military commander, Gen. Romeo Vasquez Velasquez. He also dubbed the court as the "Supreme Court of Injustice," which would be funny if it weren’t so unimaginative. I do like the fact that Zelaya was so intent on holding his referendum that he led a protest to the military base where the ballots were being held and took them back. That being said, the military ruled Honduras for 25 years, right up to the point a democratically elected civilian government came to power in 1982, so it’s not as if they don’t know how to seize control and rule with an iron fist. Still, I would be remiss if I didn’t thank everyone involved for an extremely entertaining spectacle, regardless of how it turns out…….
- Here’s someone you’re going to want to avoid inviting to your birthday party. Taylor Chee Walls of Naples, Florida isn’t exactly the most gracious, giving party guest. In fact, not only is she not very giving, she’s much more focused on taking. According to police reports, Walls went to Ryan Fibble’s house on June 18 to help celebrate his birthday. The two are (or were) apparently friends and so it made sense that she would go over and help him celebrate his birthday. Other friends came as well and brought gifts and cash for the birthday boy, but those gifts wouldn’t be in Walls’ possession for long. When Fibble woke up in the morning, he found that Walls and all of his birthday gifts— including $300 cash— were missing. Uh oh. He immediately contacted the Collier County sheriff’s office after learning that Walls dropped off an Adidas bag full of the stolen gifts, minus the $300, in the driveway of another friend’s house. Hmm, so the gifts disappear and then reappear and she’s the one bringing them back, except that the cash is missing. Do you think that perhaps she’s the one who stole the….no, it can't be. Wait, you mean to tell me that later in the day, Walls was dumb enough to send Fibble a text message, offering to repay him the stolen $300? Oh. But wait, there’s more. Later in the day, she reversed field and sent a second text message taking back her offer to return the cash. Good one, lady. No one is going to think you have the stolen cash then! Just tell the guy that you were kidding about offering him the money back because you don’t have it and that the person who saw you dump the bag of stolen gifts in their driveway was just hallucinating. Police didn’t seem confused by Walls’ antics at all, tracking her down at her home, arresting her and charging her with felony grand theft. It has been a while since I offered up a lesson from my seminar for aspiring-but-stupid criminals, so let’s break one out here. If you are enough of a scumbag to steal $850 worth of presents and cash from your friend at their birthday party, do not return the non-cash gifts by dumping them in the driveway of a mutual friend and do not, under any circumstances, send a text message, email or leave a voice mail offering to return the stolen money. Take the money and run, both from the police and the realization that you are a douche bag without a soul and don’t deserve any friends. Thank you to Ms. Walls for providing me a chance to teach that valuable lesson…….
- Hmm…..the tech dorks out there looking to come up with new iPhone apps are among the least likely to have kissed an actual girl or had sex with one in their life, so they would probably be among the chief consumers of online porn, no? Sounds like solid reasoning to me, which is why I’m not the least bit surprised at reports that Apple was considering the approval of the first iPhone apps containing pictures of naked women. Reports that Hottest Girls had become the first application approved for sale in the iTunes App Store that contains nudity proved to be premature. The app itself is nothing new, but what has changed is the addition of topless women to its gallery of “2200+ sexy bikini babes and lingerie models.” Of course, pathetic losers have been able to access all the porn they need on their iPhone through its Internet browser, but this would have been the first time Apple officially sanctioned images of naked women for the iPhone. With the addition of expanded parental controls in the new iPhone 3.0 OS software, some industry observers felt that approving a porn app might make more sense. Those who have test-driven the Hottest Girls app haven’t exactly given it glowing reviews, but then again, it’s porn, so what sort of quality is to be expected. As long as there are pictures of naked chicks to be seen, pathetic losers everywhere will come a flockin’. But not only did Apple not approve the porn twist add-on for Hottest Girls; the app actually disappeared from the iTunes store shortly after news of the approval began circulating. Of course, a website allegedly run by Hottest Girls app developers had an explanation locked and loaded for the situation. “The Hottest Girls app is temporarily sold out. The server usage is extremely high because of the popularity of this app. Thus, by not distributing the app, we can prevent our servers from crashing. Those who already have the app will still be able to use our app. To answer the question on everyone’s mind: Yes, the topless images will still be there when it is sold again.” Thanks for that, never-kissed-a-girl dork. Apple also had its say on the matter, with Apple spokesman Tom Neumayr weighing in thusly: “Apple will not distribute applications that contain inappropriate content, such as pornography. The developer of this application added inappropriate content directly from their server after the application had been approved and distributed, and after the developer had subsequently been asked to remove some offensive content. This was a direct violation of the terms of the iPhone Developer Program. The application is no longer available on the App Store.” Sounds to me like the Hottest Girls app developer is a lying sack of sh*t attempting to obscure the truth about what really happened. Oh well, I guess dorks will have to go back to getting their iPhone porn the old-fashioned way, through the Web browser……..
- This next story is a truly sad one. I want to wish a very melancholy happy trails to legendary infomercial pitchman Billy Mays, who died at his Tampa, Florida, home Sunday morning. First and foremost, thoughts and prayers to the Mays family for what appears to be a totally unexpected tragedy. Mays, ironically enough, was 50 years old, the same age as Michael Jackson, who died Thursday. The one complicating factor in Mays’ death could be the fact that he was on the US Airways flight from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, to Tampa on Saturday that had a hard landing at Tampa International Airport when the plane's front tire blew out. Although no injuries were reported from the crash, Mays said in an interview that he did take a hit to the head from falling baggage during the bumpy landing. "All of a sudden as we hit you know it was just the hardest hit, all the things from the ceiling started dropping. It hit me on the head, but I got a hard head," he declared. The Hillsborough County medical examiner will perform an autopsy, which should determine if the blow to the head played any role in Mays’ death. He was officially pronounced dead at 7:45 a.m., making him the fourth big-name celebrity (Jackson, actress Farrah Fawcett and TV personality Ed McMahon) to pass away within the past week. Mays was known as a pitch man for a variety of products, but perhaps none more so than his shouting ads for the cleaning product OxiClean. He could also be seen in commercials for ESPN’s “ESPN 360” online video service and on the reality TV show ''Pitchmen'' on the Discovery Channel, which follows pitch people in their jobs. His signature jet-black hair and beard were also key parts of Mays’ persona, which seemed to translate no matter what product he was pitching. His enthusiasm and exuberance drew in people who had no interest in a given product and kept them watching simply to see Billy Mays do his thing. So it is with immense sadness that I once again wish happy trails to Mays and marvel at what a true downer of a week this has been………
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Where ugly dogs can be king, J.C. Romero's possible 'roid rage and Jim James with some non-MMJ music that should be really good
- When I heard that Philadelphia Phillies pitcher J.C. Romero was involved in an altercation with a fan at a game in Tampa, one question immediately sprung to mind: Was it ‘roid rage? Ironically, the altercation was steroid-related, but I can neither confirm nor deny that it occurred in part because Romero is still using steroids, because I don’t know if he is or isn’t. What I do know is that Romero grabbed and shoved Robert Eaton of New Port Richey, Fla., after the fan made two comments about steroids. Romero was suspended for the first 50 games of the season after testing positive for androstenedione, the steroid precursor that former MLB star Mark McGwire made famous in the 1990s (part of the past that McGwire insisted that he would not talk about when appearing before Congress). The Phillies confirmed the incident and that Romero was the player involved. Eaton claimed in an interview that he called out to Romero after a couple of Phillies brushed off his requests for autographs. His oh, so clever response was to ask Romero to get him some steroids. It was a stupid comment, no doubt, but it didn’t deserve the response it received. According to Eaton’s account, Romero grabbed me by the neck and threw me back.” Who knows, maybe this whole mess has something to do with the fact that the Phillies defeated Tampa Bay in the World Series last year. Perhaps Eaton was bent at the squad that ripped the world title from his favorite team and went to the game looking to hook a player and get him to react. Whatever his motives were, Romero has to be above any sort of baiting and just keep walking. When you accept the big money to play professional sports, part of the understanding is that you will have to overlook a lot of the crap that fans throw at you. There are some lines fans cross that players can react to, namely threatening a player’s family or something along those lines, but taunting a player about a positive drug test isn’t one of them. If you don’t want a fan to bring it up, then don’t test positive for a drug and get suspended. In the end, both parties share some blame for the incident but it’s Romero who comes out of this looking worse…..
- Uh oh, the big, bad National Security Council in Iran is demanding that opposition leader Mir Hossein Moussavi stop what he’s doing and stop it now. The council informed Moussavi that his repeated demands for the annulment of the June 12 election results are "illogical and unethical.” Unethical? How is demanding that a vote conducted under extremely shady circumstances be reviewed unethical? Sure, the National Security Council is a powerful group which includes dozens of political leaders, and has the power to appoint the country’s supreme leader, but that doesn’t mean the council is always right. Oh, and how many freaking councils and rulers does Iran have, anyhow? There’s dictator Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the subject of the bogus election, the supreme leader, the Guardian Council, the National Security Council…..it’s like freaking bureaucracy run amok. For a country that seems to hate the United States with a passion, Iran sure does emulate the U.S. in certain respects. But I digress…..both the Guardian Council and NSC have adamantly maintained that the election was legit and that there will be no re-do or re-count. They insist that Moussavi's demands are based on "erroneous" information. There is also speculation that Moussavi might be under house arrest, which in my opinion would only add fuel to the fire of resentment among his followers. The NSC is also said to be weighing Moussavi’s request to speak directly to the people, a requst that the council appears in no hurry to act on. Maybe they are hesitant to grant a public audience to a man who has openly incited his supporters to take it to the streets in the past couple of weeks, but I have no idea why. Any leader willing to incite a riot is a great leader in my book. Let the guy meet with his supporters in a public place such as the Azadi (Freedom) Stadium to discuss election issues, as Moussavi has sought. The stadium has a capacity of 100,000 and it would be a great place for an “Airing of Grievances,” to borrow a Seinfeld term. The powers that be in Iran need to realize that they can only plug up the dam of discontentment for so long before it explodes and drowns their country in the floodwaters of revolution. Let the people have their voice and quit killing or violently beating them for trying to speak out……
- Jim James, the musical mastermind behind My Morning Jacket, is a busy man these days. He’s temporarily striking out on his own and on August 4, he will release his first solo album under the name Yim Yames. The album will be a tribute to a deceased musical legend who actually merits such a tribute, the late Beatle George Harrison. This isn’t a full-length project, but fans can check out the entire EP starting on July 7 when the set becomes available via Yimyames.com for purchase. Right now you can download one of the album’s tracks, "Behind That Locked Door," for free on the website. Should you be one of those freaks who pre-orders albums (never understood the concept, it will still be available on the day of release and I can order and pay for it then), pre-orders for CD and vinyl versions will start on July 7. A cool side benefit is that a portion of the proceeds will be donated to the Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary. “I felt like I was in the weirdest head space when I did that EP,” James said of the 2001 recording session that took place just days after Harrison's death. "I felt really confused a lot of the time. I wanted to just do it and let it come out even if I messed stuff up. It's definitely not the tightest or most professional recording you're ever going to hear in your life but I like that. I think it lends it a more childish atmosphere.” He went on to say that the recordings paint a picture of who he was in 2001 and shows his love for Harrison’s music. While parts of the album will be heavy on acoustic guitars and vocals, some songs will have a different vibe. “Love You To" has banjo accompaniment and "Ballad of Sir Frankie Crisp (Let It Roll)" has James on piano. There won't be any drums and the pace will be fairly deliberate, James explains, but I have a feeling this is going to be a really cool project. Ever the creative enigma, James has been sitting on these recordings for quite awhile. He simply says the time "never felt right until now" to release them. The inspiration for doing so now came partially from James’ participation in David Lynch's "Change Begins Within" concert, where he says Harrison’s name came up a lot. As for a full-length solo album, he admits that he’s just starting to work on the concept but has nothing definite at this point. James will work out of his home studio, tinker around and at some point, come up with the album. I know I’ll be looking forward to it and I have a feeling that a lot of fans of truly great music will be as well……
- If you’re going to spend the rest of your life in prison, you’d better have a damn good reason for it. That reason had better be something along the lines of killing the person who raped and killed your wife or child or something like that. Murder is always going to be a crime, but at least if you do it under those circumstances you can defend your actions and say it was worth it to do what you did, even if you surrender your freedom because of it. Killing a dude because of a dispute over a Sony PlayStation would not qualify as such an instance, suffice it to say. Jonquel Brooks of Fresno, California should have known this valuable lesson before he opened fire on four guys who accused him of stealing the video game system, but clearly he did not. He opened fire on four men, killing one man, Brant Daniels, near the Fresno State University campus two years ago after he was accused of stealing the PlayStation from the men. Brooks claims that the shooting was self-defense, but the jury in his case didn’t buy the explanation and in April, he was found guilty on one count of first degree murder and three counts of attempted murder On Friday, Brooks was sentenced to 100 years to life in prison, meaning it’s unlikely he will ever see the light of freedom again in his life. I know that prisoners tend to be hardest on fellow inmates who harm women and children, but I’d like to think that although they may not target Brooks for such harsh treatment because he didn’t do anything to a woman or child, they will at least relentlessly mock him for his stupidity. Let’s just establish a general rule right now that any crime that stems from a video game system officially qualifies the criminal in question as a moron, okay? It doesn’t matter if the dispute is over the ownership of the video game, something that happened while playing it or any related issue. A video game system should not incite a person to crime, period. Thank you to my man Jonquel Brooks for helping me make that point, although I have a feeling that will be of little solace to him in the days, weeks, months and years ahead……..
- It’s refreshing to see people who aren’t so wrapped up in their dog and making it look as cute and stylish as possible. Slamming a sweater or jewelry on a dog is, was and always will be completely absurd and indefensible, so big ups to everyone who took part in Friday’s World’s Ugliest Dog Contest at the Marin-Sonoma Fair in Petaluma, California. The winner was Pabst, the toothy Boxer mixed-breed and a former shelter dog that garnered $1,600 in prize money, a modeling contract, and a table-full of collars, leashes and toys just for being ugly. Since I’m not an expert in the area of ugly dogs (or non-ugly dogs, for that matter), I don’t know who the favorites were heading into this competition, but apparently a former world champion Chinese Crested named Rascal was in the field and expected to be a serious contender. From what I’m told, the butt-ugly Chinese Crested breed has dominated the contest for over seven years. More than half of this year’s entries were Chinese Crested dogs, but owner Miles Egstad and Pabst took the crown anyhow. Egstand explained that he named his dog after the pooch’s “bitter beer face.” The World’s Ugliest Dog Contest dates back to 1976, so this is actually an event with some history. Judges for this year’s contest included Jon Provost, who played Timmy on the television show “Lassie”; Karen "Doc" Halligan from “Groomer Has It,”; and Sonoma-Marin Fair board member Brian Sobel. In my book, these owners are all winners for the simple fact that they don’t view their dogs as some beautiful, pampered quasi-child to be revered and catered to……..
- Uh oh, the big, bad National Security Council in Iran is demanding that opposition leader Mir Hossein Moussavi stop what he’s doing and stop it now. The council informed Moussavi that his repeated demands for the annulment of the June 12 election results are "illogical and unethical.” Unethical? How is demanding that a vote conducted under extremely shady circumstances be reviewed unethical? Sure, the National Security Council is a powerful group which includes dozens of political leaders, and has the power to appoint the country’s supreme leader, but that doesn’t mean the council is always right. Oh, and how many freaking councils and rulers does Iran have, anyhow? There’s dictator Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the subject of the bogus election, the supreme leader, the Guardian Council, the National Security Council…..it’s like freaking bureaucracy run amok. For a country that seems to hate the United States with a passion, Iran sure does emulate the U.S. in certain respects. But I digress…..both the Guardian Council and NSC have adamantly maintained that the election was legit and that there will be no re-do or re-count. They insist that Moussavi's demands are based on "erroneous" information. There is also speculation that Moussavi might be under house arrest, which in my opinion would only add fuel to the fire of resentment among his followers. The NSC is also said to be weighing Moussavi’s request to speak directly to the people, a requst that the council appears in no hurry to act on. Maybe they are hesitant to grant a public audience to a man who has openly incited his supporters to take it to the streets in the past couple of weeks, but I have no idea why. Any leader willing to incite a riot is a great leader in my book. Let the guy meet with his supporters in a public place such as the Azadi (Freedom) Stadium to discuss election issues, as Moussavi has sought. The stadium has a capacity of 100,000 and it would be a great place for an “Airing of Grievances,” to borrow a Seinfeld term. The powers that be in Iran need to realize that they can only plug up the dam of discontentment for so long before it explodes and drowns their country in the floodwaters of revolution. Let the people have their voice and quit killing or violently beating them for trying to speak out……
- Jim James, the musical mastermind behind My Morning Jacket, is a busy man these days. He’s temporarily striking out on his own and on August 4, he will release his first solo album under the name Yim Yames. The album will be a tribute to a deceased musical legend who actually merits such a tribute, the late Beatle George Harrison. This isn’t a full-length project, but fans can check out the entire EP starting on July 7 when the set becomes available via Yimyames.com for purchase. Right now you can download one of the album’s tracks, "Behind That Locked Door," for free on the website. Should you be one of those freaks who pre-orders albums (never understood the concept, it will still be available on the day of release and I can order and pay for it then), pre-orders for CD and vinyl versions will start on July 7. A cool side benefit is that a portion of the proceeds will be donated to the Woodstock Farm Animal Sanctuary. “I felt like I was in the weirdest head space when I did that EP,” James said of the 2001 recording session that took place just days after Harrison's death. "I felt really confused a lot of the time. I wanted to just do it and let it come out even if I messed stuff up. It's definitely not the tightest or most professional recording you're ever going to hear in your life but I like that. I think it lends it a more childish atmosphere.” He went on to say that the recordings paint a picture of who he was in 2001 and shows his love for Harrison’s music. While parts of the album will be heavy on acoustic guitars and vocals, some songs will have a different vibe. “Love You To" has banjo accompaniment and "Ballad of Sir Frankie Crisp (Let It Roll)" has James on piano. There won't be any drums and the pace will be fairly deliberate, James explains, but I have a feeling this is going to be a really cool project. Ever the creative enigma, James has been sitting on these recordings for quite awhile. He simply says the time "never felt right until now" to release them. The inspiration for doing so now came partially from James’ participation in David Lynch's "Change Begins Within" concert, where he says Harrison’s name came up a lot. As for a full-length solo album, he admits that he’s just starting to work on the concept but has nothing definite at this point. James will work out of his home studio, tinker around and at some point, come up with the album. I know I’ll be looking forward to it and I have a feeling that a lot of fans of truly great music will be as well……
- If you’re going to spend the rest of your life in prison, you’d better have a damn good reason for it. That reason had better be something along the lines of killing the person who raped and killed your wife or child or something like that. Murder is always going to be a crime, but at least if you do it under those circumstances you can defend your actions and say it was worth it to do what you did, even if you surrender your freedom because of it. Killing a dude because of a dispute over a Sony PlayStation would not qualify as such an instance, suffice it to say. Jonquel Brooks of Fresno, California should have known this valuable lesson before he opened fire on four guys who accused him of stealing the video game system, but clearly he did not. He opened fire on four men, killing one man, Brant Daniels, near the Fresno State University campus two years ago after he was accused of stealing the PlayStation from the men. Brooks claims that the shooting was self-defense, but the jury in his case didn’t buy the explanation and in April, he was found guilty on one count of first degree murder and three counts of attempted murder On Friday, Brooks was sentenced to 100 years to life in prison, meaning it’s unlikely he will ever see the light of freedom again in his life. I know that prisoners tend to be hardest on fellow inmates who harm women and children, but I’d like to think that although they may not target Brooks for such harsh treatment because he didn’t do anything to a woman or child, they will at least relentlessly mock him for his stupidity. Let’s just establish a general rule right now that any crime that stems from a video game system officially qualifies the criminal in question as a moron, okay? It doesn’t matter if the dispute is over the ownership of the video game, something that happened while playing it or any related issue. A video game system should not incite a person to crime, period. Thank you to my man Jonquel Brooks for helping me make that point, although I have a feeling that will be of little solace to him in the days, weeks, months and years ahead……..
- It’s refreshing to see people who aren’t so wrapped up in their dog and making it look as cute and stylish as possible. Slamming a sweater or jewelry on a dog is, was and always will be completely absurd and indefensible, so big ups to everyone who took part in Friday’s World’s Ugliest Dog Contest at the Marin-Sonoma Fair in Petaluma, California. The winner was Pabst, the toothy Boxer mixed-breed and a former shelter dog that garnered $1,600 in prize money, a modeling contract, and a table-full of collars, leashes and toys just for being ugly. Since I’m not an expert in the area of ugly dogs (or non-ugly dogs, for that matter), I don’t know who the favorites were heading into this competition, but apparently a former world champion Chinese Crested named Rascal was in the field and expected to be a serious contender. From what I’m told, the butt-ugly Chinese Crested breed has dominated the contest for over seven years. More than half of this year’s entries were Chinese Crested dogs, but owner Miles Egstad and Pabst took the crown anyhow. Egstand explained that he named his dog after the pooch’s “bitter beer face.” The World’s Ugliest Dog Contest dates back to 1976, so this is actually an event with some history. Judges for this year’s contest included Jon Provost, who played Timmy on the television show “Lassie”; Karen "Doc" Halligan from “Groomer Has It,”; and Sonoma-Marin Fair board member Brian Sobel. In my book, these owners are all winners for the simple fact that they don’t view their dogs as some beautiful, pampered quasi-child to be revered and catered to……..
Saturday, June 27, 2009
How bad "Transformers" is, one area where the Browns are dominating the NFL and the showdown over a climate-change bill
- I could sit here and tell you how great "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" is……but I would be lying. Fact is, as bloated and overrated as the first “Transformers” movie was, this one is even more so. Back in 2007, everyone was pumped about the idea of director Michael Bay bringing one of the most legendary cartoons and toy lines to life on the big screen - right up to the point that the movie hit screens around the country. Once everyone saw the reality of the project and what it turned out to be, the excitement gave way to horror and disappointment. In spite of that, its initial blockbuster status earned enough that the suits at the studio felt like giving Bay the green light for a sequel was a good idea. Big ups to Mike Bay for proving those suits wrong with one of the worst sequels in recent memory, possibly worse than “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End” and “Spiderman 3” combined. This monstrosity lumbers on for freaking 149 minutes, meaning anyone unfortunate enough to see it will suffer for more than two hours. The plot isn’t complicated or sophisticated: the Decepticons are back to destroy Sam (Shia LaBeouf), Optimus Prime and the Earth. It’s filled with explosions galore and is basically one non-stop kaboom, to be honest. There’s no flow or rhythm to the movie at any point and often things are so chaotic that figuring out who the good Transformers (Autobots) are and who the bad ones (Decepticons) are is often tough. Bay also seems to be overly reliant on slow-motion shots of the ubar-hot Megan Fox running to or from danger, which isn’t a bad thing but shouldn’t be the chief draw of a movie. Aside from having Fox as eye candy, the special effects are the best part of the movie. They’re great throughout, which definitely can't be said of the script or the acting.
Even in the action movie genre, where the focus is less on quality acting and well-scripted exchanges, this movie falls incredibly short of the mark. It’s as bad a “blockbuster” as you’ll ever see and hopefully for your sake, you never have the misfortune of seeing it at all……..
- The Cleveland Browns haven’t dominated much of anything in the National Football League since they returned to the league in 1999 - unless you count occupying last place more than anyone else as dominance. However, there has been one area where the Browns have consistently gone above and beyond what any other team has been able to do: staph infections. An NFL physicians survey of the 32 teams determined there were 33 MRSA staph infections leaguewide from 2006-08. Of those 32, the Browns had six. For the math-challenged among you, that’s just a shade under 19 percent of the league’s staph infections for one team. With that many staph infections hitting key players, the jokes about the cleanliness and sterility of the team’s training facilities came fast and frequently. But jokes are one thing; lawsuits are another. The rash of staph infections for the Browns has finally led to its first lawsuit, filed by former receiver Joe Jurevicius. Jurevicius sued the team and the Cleveland Clinic on Friday, saying the team misrepresented the cleanliness of its training facility and blaming doctors with negligence over a staph infection in his right knee that kept him from playing last year. In the suit, Jurevicius alleges that physicians Anthony Miniaci and Richard Figler failed to warn Jurevicius that therapy equipment was not always sanitized at the team's training facility in Berea, located just outside of Cleveland. Jurevicius contracted his staph infection following arthroscopic surgery at the Cleveland Clinic in January 2008. His case includes an affidavit by Dr. Bonnie Bock, an infectious diseases specialist from Newport Beach, Calif., who said her examination of the case showed that the player's staph infection was due to circumstances outlined in the suit. "Sterile techniques were not at all times used at the Browns training facility," she said. Surprisingly, Jurevicius is only asking for damages in the range of $25,000, plus unspecified punitive damages, attorney and expert fees and related costs. I’d think he would sue for a lot more, but then again, this is a guy who grew up in the Northeast Ohio area as a Browns fan and attended plenty of games at the old Cleveland Stadium. Now, his NFL career could be over and Jurevicius seems to believe that his favorite team is responsible. For their part, the Browns deny the claims in the suit and maintain that their facilities are compliant with all NFL requirements. Jurevicius is no longer with the team and the career totals - 323 receptions for 4,119 yards and 29 TDs - that he has posted in 11 seasons with the New York Giants, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Seattle Seahawks and Browns could be his final tallies unless something changes drastically in terms of his health. But who knows, maybe his legacy will grow to include inspiring the other five Browns who suffered staph infections to file suits of their own or perhaps band together for a class-action suit…….
- In the race to see who is the most reprehensible human being alive in 2009, a new leader has emerged. His name is Frank Lombard and this certified piece of crap has been charged in federal court with offering his 5-year-old adopted son up for sex. Lombard, associate director at Duke University's Global Health Institute, was arrested Wednesday in Raleigh. He was ratted out by an unidentified informant who faces child porn charges in a different child sex case. The informant pointed investigators to Lombard, whom he met on the Internet four years ago. That Lombard was looking to pimp out his own adopted son becomes less surprising when you hear what sort of freakery he was allegedly involved in leading up to it. According to this informant, he observed Lombard molesting an African-American child on four occasions over an Internet video chat service called ICUii. In court documents, Lombard is alleged to have told the informant that the African-American child was one of two adopted kids in his custody. Lombard, who is white, later made the offer for sex with the child he was shown abusing in the video. He has been charged with attempting to induce someone to cross state lines to engage in sex with a child, punishable by a maximum sentence of 20 years in prison. Personally, I’d give him 20 years behind bars just based on the fact that on his profile posted on the Internet service used to conduct his video chats, he "stated he was interested in "perv fam fun," and referred to "incestuous child molestation." When a customer service complaint tipped the video chat site off to his perversion, a police detective investigating the initial case decided to set up chats with the user who turned out to be Lombard. Posing as another video chat user looking to score sex with a child, the detective says he was invited to fly to Raleigh to have sex with the person's 5- year-old adopted child. Det. Timothy Palchak wrote in his affidavit that he chatted with someone using the screen name "FL" who provided nude pictures of himself. The person with the unenviable task of examining the photos found that they were a match to Lombard's North Carolina driver's license photo. While talking to the undercover detective, the freak known as "FL" stated that he had himself molested his child, whom he adopted as an infant, and that he had allowed others to molest his child. This piece of crap went on to hang himself by declaring that “the abuse of the child was easier when the child was too young to talk or know what was happening, but that he had drugged the child with Benadryl during the molestation.” And yes, I’m throwing up in my mouth right now, just as you are. That is some of the most vile, revolting stuff I have ever heard. If Lombard is convicted, he should feel fortunate that he’s not shot on the spot. I’m sure that the Duke University Global Health Institute will reeeeeally miss this guy, being the quality human being that he is……..
- Wow, this is quite a change. From an administration that couldn’t care less about the environment and seemed as devoted as anyone in world history to denying the existence of global warming, we’ve moved into an administration that is looking to take real, tangible steps toward combating global warming and changing U.S. energy policy. The process is currently underway in Congress, where the House of Representatives has passed a major climate change bill. "Today the House of Representatives took historic action with the passage of the American Clean Energy and Security Act," President Obama said of the bill's passage. "It's a bold and necessary step that holds the promise of creating new industries and millions of new jobs, decreasing our dangerous dependence on foreign oil.” The bill now moves on to the Senate, where it could be tweaked a bit but will no doubt be subjected to intense scrutiny. The Obama administration claims that the bill would combat global warming and give a much needed overhaul to U.S. energy policy, but critics are claiming everything from bad timing to the fact that the bill could cause job losses in the U.S. It’s a hotly contested issue, having passed the House by a very close 219 to 212 vote. The vote was so close that Democrats called Rep. Patrick Kennedy, D-Mass., out of rehab so that he could vote. I don’t know if there are any senators currently in rehab, but Democrats will need to pull out all of the stops to push the bill through over objections that it will drastically raise the nation’s energy costs. President Obama has been burning up the phone lines trying to rally support for the bill in the Senate. The so-called “cap-and-trade" bill would mandate a nationwide system to curb greenhouse gas emissions, which is in and of itself a great goal. “I'm the first one to acknowledge that the United States over the last several years has not been where we need to be," Obama admitted. "We're not going to get there all in one fell swoop. But I'm very proud of the progress that's being made.” Under the law that this bill would create, companies like power plants would be permitted to emit only a certain amount of the gases. A company’s allotted emissions amount could be traded, bought and sold with other companies like any other commodity, just as long as the nation’s greenhouse gas emissions go down. The ultimate goal would be to reduce greenhouse gas emissions by 17 percent below 2005 levels by 2020. Something to appreciate about the bill, whether it passes or not, is that it inspired the always-fun filibuster attempt by House Republican Leader John Boehner. He called the bill "a bureaucratic nightmare" and tried the House-version of a filibuster. In a “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington” moment, he attempted to slow down the process by reading the entire bill - all 1,400 pages of it. That’s technically his right and it’s actually pretty funny, but it’s also total bullsh*t. Vote for the bill or against it, but allow it to make its way through the system and either pass or fail on its merit. Don’t try to hijack the process, dude. No matter how this bill ends, it is nice to see a shift from the W. administration’s “f**k the environment” policy………
- I get that Bernard Madoff ripped off a lot of people for a lot of money and he needs to be severely punished for his crimes, but I have a question for acting U.S. Attorney Lev Dassin, the lead prosecutor in the case. What exactly is the point of attempting to have a 71-year-old man sentenced to 150 years in prison? That’s what Dassin is looking for, along with having Madoff’s wife Ruth forfeit more than $170 billion in assets. You’ve got a 71-year-old guy who, at best, might live another 30 years, although I dobut he’d last that long behind bars. But under the sentence Dassin is asking for, Madoff would be in prison until he is 221 years old. Now I wonder wheter that means that he has to remain in prison for the next 150 years, even if he’s dead. That’s the only way this sentence makes any sense at all. As for the financial side of the deal, a U.S. District Court judge Friday did enter a preliminary order calling on Ruth Madoff to forfeit $170 billion in assets. She will be allowed to keep $2.5 million in funds "in settlement of the claims she would have otherwise brought against the property," according to Dassin. To refresh your memory, Madoff, who pleaded guilty to 11 counts, including fraud, money laundering and perjury, is to be sentenced Monday. He will be forfeiting all of his remaining assets, which include millions of dollars in loans made to family members, employees and friends, all personal property, including paintings, jewelry and furniture, millions of dollars in investment and banking accounts and several pieces of property. Under the direction of the humorously named U.S. District Judge Denny Chin, the U.S. Marshals Service will be selling off a $7.5 million co-op apartment in New York, a $7 million property in Montauk, New York, and a $7.45 million property in Palm Beach, Florida, along with several cars and boats. Dassin argued before Judge Chin that hitting Madoff with a 150-year sentence would help "promote general deterrence." What, for all of the other billionaire investors out there looking to run a ginormous Ponzi scheme and defraud investors of hundreds of billions of dollars? Madoff’s attorney is taking the opposite extreme, arguing that his client should serve only 12 years in prison. I’ll land somewhere in the middle, say 50 years. A safe compromise, plus I’m factoring in the fact that any idiot dumb enough to believe the promises of a person who says they can deliver incredibly high returns with very low risk almost deserves to be ripped off. If you are the victim of a Ponzi scheme, you too deserve a little punishment. Perhaps that punishment is best delivered in the loss of whatever money you invest, which is fitting. Now it’s up to Judge Chin to find a punishment that fits Bernie Madoff……..
Even in the action movie genre, where the focus is less on quality acting and well-scripted exchanges, this movie falls incredibly short of the mark. It’s as bad a “blockbuster” as you’ll ever see and hopefully for your sake, you never have the misfortune of seeing it at all……..
- The Cleveland Browns haven’t dominated much of anything in the National Football League since they returned to the league in 1999 - unless you count occupying last place more than anyone else as dominance. However, there has been one area where the Browns have consistently gone above and beyond what any other team has been able to do: staph infections. An NFL physicians survey of the 32 teams determined there were 33 MRSA staph infections leaguewide from 2006-08. Of those 32, the Browns had six. For the math-challenged among you, that’s just a shade under 19 percent of the league’s staph infections for one team. With that many staph infections hitting key players, the jokes about the cleanliness and sterility of the team’s training facilities came fast and frequently. But jokes are one thing; lawsuits are another. The rash of staph infections for the Browns has finally led to its first lawsuit, filed by former receiver Joe Jurevicius. Jurevicius sued the team and the Cleveland Clinic on Friday, saying the team misrepresented the cleanliness of its training facility and blaming doctors with negligence over a staph infection in his right knee that kept him from playing last year. In the suit, Jurevicius alleges that physicians Anthony Miniaci and Richard Figler failed to warn Jurevicius that therapy equipment was not always sanitized at the team's training facility in Berea, located just outside of Cleveland. Jurevicius contracted his staph infection following arthroscopic surgery at the Cleveland Clinic in January 2008. His case includes an affidavit by Dr. Bonnie Bock, an infectious diseases specialist from Newport Beach, Calif., who said her examination of the case showed that the player's staph infection was due to circumstances outlined in the suit. "Sterile techniques were not at all times used at the Browns training facility," she said. Surprisingly, Jurevicius is only asking for damages in the range of $25,000, plus unspecified punitive damages, attorney and expert fees and related costs. I’d think he would sue for a lot more, but then again, this is a guy who grew up in the Northeast Ohio area as a Browns fan and attended plenty of games at the old Cleveland Stadium. Now, his NFL career could be over and Jurevicius seems to believe that his favorite team is responsible. For their part, the Browns deny the claims in the suit and maintain that their facilities are compliant with all NFL requirements. Jurevicius is no longer with the team and the career totals - 323 receptions for 4,119 yards and 29 TDs - that he has posted in 11 seasons with the New York Giants, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, Seattle Seahawks and Browns could be his final tallies unless something changes drastically in terms of his health. But who knows, maybe his legacy will grow to include inspiring the other five Browns who suffered staph infections to file suits of their own or perhaps band together for a class-action suit…….
- In the race to see who is the most reprehensible human being alive in 2009, a new leader has emerged. His name is Frank Lombard and this certified piece of crap has been charged in federal court with offering his 5-year-old adopted son up for sex. Lombard, associate director at Duke University's Global Health Institute, was arrested Wednesday in Raleigh. He was ratted out by an unidentified informant who faces child porn charges in a different child sex case. The informant pointed investigators to Lombard, whom he met on the Internet four years ago. That Lombard was looking to pimp out his own adopted son becomes less surprising when you hear what sort of freakery he was allegedly involved in leading up to it. According to this informant, he observed Lombard molesting an African-American child on four occasions over an Internet video chat service called ICUii. In court documents, Lombard is alleged to have told the informant that the African-American child was one of two adopted kids in his custody. Lombard, who is white, later made the offer for sex with the child he was shown abusing in the video. He has been charged with attempting to induce someone to cross state lines to engage in sex with a child, punishable by a maximum sentence of 20 years in prison. Personally, I’d give him 20 years behind bars just based on the fact that on his profile posted on the Internet service used to conduct his video chats, he "stated he was interested in "perv fam fun," and referred to "incestuous child molestation." When a customer service complaint tipped the video chat site off to his perversion, a police detective investigating the initial case decided to set up chats with the user who turned out to be Lombard. Posing as another video chat user looking to score sex with a child, the detective says he was invited to fly to Raleigh to have sex with the person's 5- year-old adopted child. Det. Timothy Palchak wrote in his affidavit that he chatted with someone using the screen name "FL" who provided nude pictures of himself. The person with the unenviable task of examining the photos found that they were a match to Lombard's North Carolina driver's license photo. While talking to the undercover detective, the freak known as "FL" stated that he had himself molested his child, whom he adopted as an infant, and that he had allowed others to molest his child. This piece of crap went on to hang himself by declaring that “the abuse of the child was easier when the child was too young to talk or know what was happening, but that he had drugged the child with Benadryl during the molestation.” And yes, I’m throwing up in my mouth right now, just as you are. That is some of the most vile, revolting stuff I have ever heard. If Lombard is convicted, he should feel fortunate that he’s not shot on the spot. I’m sure that the Duke University Global Health Institute will reeeeeally miss this guy, being the quality human being that he is……..
- Wow, this is quite a change. From an administration that couldn’t care less about the environment and seemed as devoted as anyone in world history to denying the existence of global warming, we’ve moved into an administration that is looking to take real, tangible steps toward combating global warming and changing U.S. energy policy. The process is currently underway in Congress, where the House of Representatives has passed a major climate change bill. "Today the House of Representatives took historic action with the passage of the American Clean Energy and Security Act," President Obama said of the bill's passage. "It's a bold and necessary step that holds the promise of creating new industries and millions of new jobs, decreasing our dangerous dependence on foreign oil.” The bill now moves on to the Senate, where it could be tweaked a bit but will no doubt be subjected to intense scrutiny. The Obama administration claims that the bill would combat global warming and give a much needed overhaul to U.S. energy policy, but critics are claiming everything from bad timing to the fact that the bill could cause job losses in the U.S. It’s a hotly contested issue, having passed the House by a very close 219 to 212 vote. The vote was so close that Democrats called Rep. Patrick Kennedy, D-Mass., out of rehab so that he could vote. I don’t know if there are any senators currently in rehab, but Democrats will need to pull out all of the stops to push the bill through over objections that it will drastically raise the nation’s energy costs. President Obama has been burning up the phone lines trying to rally support for the bill in the Senate. The so-called “cap-and-trade" bill would mandate a nationwide system to curb greenhouse gas emissions, which is in and of itself a great goal. “I'm the first one to acknowledge that the United States over the last several years has not been where we need to be," Obama admitted. "We're not going to get there all in one fell swoop. But I'm very proud of the progress that's being made.” Under the law that this bill would create, companies like power plants would be permitted to emit only a certain amount of the gases. A company’s allotted emissions amount could be traded, bought and sold with other companies like any other commodity, just as long as the nation’s greenhouse gas emissions go down. The ultimate goal would be to reduce greenhouse gas emissions by 17 percent below 2005 levels by 2020. Something to appreciate about the bill, whether it passes or not, is that it inspired the always-fun filibuster attempt by House Republican Leader John Boehner. He called the bill "a bureaucratic nightmare" and tried the House-version of a filibuster. In a “Mr. Smith Goes to Washington” moment, he attempted to slow down the process by reading the entire bill - all 1,400 pages of it. That’s technically his right and it’s actually pretty funny, but it’s also total bullsh*t. Vote for the bill or against it, but allow it to make its way through the system and either pass or fail on its merit. Don’t try to hijack the process, dude. No matter how this bill ends, it is nice to see a shift from the W. administration’s “f**k the environment” policy………
- I get that Bernard Madoff ripped off a lot of people for a lot of money and he needs to be severely punished for his crimes, but I have a question for acting U.S. Attorney Lev Dassin, the lead prosecutor in the case. What exactly is the point of attempting to have a 71-year-old man sentenced to 150 years in prison? That’s what Dassin is looking for, along with having Madoff’s wife Ruth forfeit more than $170 billion in assets. You’ve got a 71-year-old guy who, at best, might live another 30 years, although I dobut he’d last that long behind bars. But under the sentence Dassin is asking for, Madoff would be in prison until he is 221 years old. Now I wonder wheter that means that he has to remain in prison for the next 150 years, even if he’s dead. That’s the only way this sentence makes any sense at all. As for the financial side of the deal, a U.S. District Court judge Friday did enter a preliminary order calling on Ruth Madoff to forfeit $170 billion in assets. She will be allowed to keep $2.5 million in funds "in settlement of the claims she would have otherwise brought against the property," according to Dassin. To refresh your memory, Madoff, who pleaded guilty to 11 counts, including fraud, money laundering and perjury, is to be sentenced Monday. He will be forfeiting all of his remaining assets, which include millions of dollars in loans made to family members, employees and friends, all personal property, including paintings, jewelry and furniture, millions of dollars in investment and banking accounts and several pieces of property. Under the direction of the humorously named U.S. District Judge Denny Chin, the U.S. Marshals Service will be selling off a $7.5 million co-op apartment in New York, a $7 million property in Montauk, New York, and a $7.45 million property in Palm Beach, Florida, along with several cars and boats. Dassin argued before Judge Chin that hitting Madoff with a 150-year sentence would help "promote general deterrence." What, for all of the other billionaire investors out there looking to run a ginormous Ponzi scheme and defraud investors of hundreds of billions of dollars? Madoff’s attorney is taking the opposite extreme, arguing that his client should serve only 12 years in prison. I’ll land somewhere in the middle, say 50 years. A safe compromise, plus I’m factoring in the fact that any idiot dumb enough to believe the promises of a person who says they can deliver incredibly high returns with very low risk almost deserves to be ripped off. If you are the victim of a Ponzi scheme, you too deserve a little punishment. Perhaps that punishment is best delivered in the loss of whatever money you invest, which is fitting. Now it’s up to Judge Chin to find a punishment that fits Bernie Madoff……..
Friday, June 26, 2009
Bears on trampolines, Riot Watch! goes to prison and Milton Bradley goes Milton Bradley
- In the best of times, Milton Bradley is a tolerable headache for your baseball team, a guy who has immense talents on the field and equally powerful abilities to wreck a clubhouse off of it. He’s a head case who has slammed plastic bottles down at the feet of fans during games, sought to storm the press box during a game to confront an announcer who was being critical of him, interjected himself into the middle of someone else’s traffic stop on an Ohio highway and attacked multiple umpires on the field to dispute calls. He’s been with a multitude of different teams because his act wears thin so quickly and no one wants to put up with his volatility for long even if he’s producing on the field. The Chicago Cubs are his latest victim/franchise, bringing Bradley in this season to provide some left-handed power in their lineup as they look to contend for another NL Central crown. To say that Bradley has been a disappointment would be putting it lightly; he’s batting a hearty .237 with 5 HR and 16 RBI. Those aren’t good numbers for anyone, but they become even worse when you consider the other crap Bradley has been pulling. Two weeks ago, he mistakenly thought a ball he caught in right field was the third out of an inning and threw the ball into the stands. His mental error allowed a crucial run to score in a game the Cubs lost and afterward, Bradley didn’t seem all that heartbroken by his actions. That was followed up by an incident in today’s game between the Cubs and Chicago White Sox in which Milton Bradley went full-on Milton Bradley. After flying out in the top of the sixth, an unhappy Bradley return to the dugout and proceeded to attack the water cooler in the dugout. That’s become a trend for the Cubs of late, with pitchers Carlos Zambrano and Ryan Dempster also attacking the cooler in recent weeks. However, manager Lou Piniella took exception to Bradley’s tirade and order the temperamental outfielder to head to the clubhouse, change out of his uniform and go home. Piniella then followed Bradley up the tunnel and the two exchanged words. “This has been a common occurrence and I've looked the other way a lot and I'm tired," said Piniella after the game. "I'm not into discipline, I'm really not. I'm going to put his name in the lineup tomorrow and that's it.” In other words, Piniella is going to overlook this meltdown and pretend that all is well. Bad move, Lou. Another Milton meltdown is coming soon and another one after that, so it’s time that you accept that reality and ask your general manager to find a way to move this hothead out of town before he ruins whatever slim playoff chances your mediocre team still has……
- If I had to put a percentage on the number of Mexican police officers who are corrupt and accepting bribes from the various drug cartels running amok south of the border, I’d go with a solid 45-47 percent. That may even be low, because every time I look it seems that there is another story of federal agents in the country conducting a sting to take down corrupt cops. The latest came Wednesday in the city of Hidalgo in central Mexico, where federal agents arrested 92 municipal police officers accused of providing information and security to one of Mexico's most ruthless drug cartels. The arrests stemmed from an investigation that started in October and has led to the arrests of 124 suspects and the discovery of 12 safe houses in which 14 secret graves were found. The feds are placing blame for most of the operation on the Zeta drug cartel, so if you have any Zeta members in your drug cartel fantasy league, you may want to consider putting them on the bench for now. Having the feds run a major sting operation on your cartel just isn’t going to allow Zeta members to put up the sort of production that has made them one of the strongest sources for fantasy drug cartel league production in the past. They won't be able to do nearly as much kidnapping, extortion and drug trafficking in Hidalgo now that the feds are on their case. Authorities also allege that Zetas were paying the Hidalgo police officers 3,000 to 5,000 pesos ($228 to $380) every two weeks, which doesn’t seem like a lot until you consider the fact that this is Mexico, where many people make significantly less than that on a biweekly basis. Since the announcement of these arrests came on Wednesday, I’d be looking for the next mass arrest of Mexican police on corruption charges to come late next week or early in the following week. That would keep up the pace we’ve been on recently, although it would be less than stunning to see that pace quicken even further……..
- Ripping a kid is never something I want to do, so I’ll handle this next story a bit differently. Instead of mocking 13-year-old Whitney Lapic of Shillington, N.J., I’m going to focus more on her mother, Debra Stanley-Lapic. Whitney Lapic is the National Marbles Tournament champion after beating out a competitor from Allegheny County in Wildwood, New Jersey. Yes, I said the national marbles championship. Nothing says winner quite like being a standout marbles player. But as I said, I’m going to go easy on this kid and so her mother is the logical target. Debra Stanley-Lapic was herself the national marbles champion 36 years ago, yet she allows her kid to embrace full-on dork-dom and become a competitive marbles player too? If you’ve gone through the experience of playing marbles and being rightfully ridiculed by your peers for it, why would you allow your child to follow in your footsteps? It’s hard enough being a kid and growing up with having the added burden and stigma of playing marbles. If it’s possible, marbles might be an even dorkier competition than those kids who are slammed into the spelling bee and look really awkward and nervous trying to spell difficult words on national television. Who still plays marbles anyhow? What is this, 1959 or 2009? It doesn’t matter that Debra Stanley-Lapic and Whitney Lapic are the first mother and daughter to win a national championship, because that’s not a distinction anyone should be proud of. The blame here doesn’t go on the kid, because she’s just too young to know better. The mother takes the brunt of the responsibility for this one and unless she wants her daughter to spend the next 4-5 years of school being shoved inside lockers, given swirlies and having her book knocked out of her hands, she should find a new hobby for the girl……….
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Prison riots are always fun to see, mostly because as long as prison officials stay out of harm’s way, there are no losers. You have a bunch of convicted criminals rioting and getting out of control, so even if some of them are injured in the process, it’s no big loss. Plus, these are usually some of society’s most violent individuals and as such, you know they’re putting on a good riot. This edition of Riot Watch! takes us to Pelican Bay State Prison in Northern California. An uprising at the maximum-security prison resulted in a seriously injured inmate being taken to an outside hospital for treatment and six other inmates suffering minor stab wounds and other injuries. To quell the unrest, which took place in the prison's main exercise yard and involved about 17 inmates, officers used pepper spray and rubber bullets. Oh, and you’ll be absolutely stunned to learn that authorities believe that this mini-riot was gang-related. A gang-related riot in a maximum-security prison? No way! I do want to give credit to the inmates who manufactured the seven weapons found at the scene of the riot by prison officials. I love hearing about inmates scrapping together whatever materials they can find, having people smuggle things into the prison for them and finding a way to carve out a shiv. It’s a bit like MacGuyver fashioning a bomb out of a toothpick, a watch and a piece of gum, only MacGuyver wasn’t looking to cut someone with his creation, he was looking to escape or take down the bad guys. So all in all, not a large-scale riot and nothing was burned or destroyed as far as I can tell, but still a solid 5.5 on the Riot-O-Meter, so I’ll take it…….
- One of the best YouTube moments of all time is the bear that was caught in a residential area, hit with a tranquilizer dart and subsequently fell from a tree and bounced up and down on a trampoline before falling to the ground. I can never get enough of that clip, but I’m guessing it wasn’t quite as funny for the residents of a Highlands Ranch, Colorado neighborhood who spotted a large black bear wander from the woods and into their lives. A resident on Ramshead Court in Highlands Ranch heard several dogs barking about 9 a.m. Friday and looked out the window to see what was going on. "Then I started focusing and saw a big bear claw. And then I called neighbors and told them to get their dogs in and their kids because we have a lot of kids in the cul-de-sac," Rod Michotte said. Michotte clearly isn’t the best thinker in tiems of crisis, because after calling the neighbors, he eschewed the idea of calling 911 and instead dialed his wife at work to let her know what was happening. “I said, 'Get off the phone and call 911!" Cindy Michotte said. Well said, Cindy. Following his wife’s sage advice, Rod Michotte called 911 and Douglas County deputies notified the Division of Wildlife. Police kept an eye on the bear until wildlife officers arrived, with the animal mostly sitting in a tree and not looking to do much damage. Also, the bear weighed in at only 150 pounds, so this wasn’t a huge, hulking animal. DOW officers hit the bear with two tranquilizer darts and the black bear fell onto the family's trampoline, severely bending it. Too bad no one videotaped it, because this could have been another classic YouTube clip. Bears bouncing on trampolines are always good for a laugh or 50. Oh, and the Michotte children are apparently angry because the falling bear messed up their trampoline, so a word of advice for them: get over it. Sometimes in life, a tranquilized bear falls onto your trampoline and screws it up. Laugh about it, get a new trampoline and move on. As for the bear, wildlife officials placed the 2-year-old animal in a bear container and took it back to the foothills, where it was set free. Officials say that roaming bears are common in Douglas County and that there are typically several sightings every year. Bears receive one free pass when they wander into a residential area, but if they do so a second time they are put down. Here’s hoping that this bear stays in the woods and off of trampolines from here on out so that it can live a long and happy bear life……
- If I had to put a percentage on the number of Mexican police officers who are corrupt and accepting bribes from the various drug cartels running amok south of the border, I’d go with a solid 45-47 percent. That may even be low, because every time I look it seems that there is another story of federal agents in the country conducting a sting to take down corrupt cops. The latest came Wednesday in the city of Hidalgo in central Mexico, where federal agents arrested 92 municipal police officers accused of providing information and security to one of Mexico's most ruthless drug cartels. The arrests stemmed from an investigation that started in October and has led to the arrests of 124 suspects and the discovery of 12 safe houses in which 14 secret graves were found. The feds are placing blame for most of the operation on the Zeta drug cartel, so if you have any Zeta members in your drug cartel fantasy league, you may want to consider putting them on the bench for now. Having the feds run a major sting operation on your cartel just isn’t going to allow Zeta members to put up the sort of production that has made them one of the strongest sources for fantasy drug cartel league production in the past. They won't be able to do nearly as much kidnapping, extortion and drug trafficking in Hidalgo now that the feds are on their case. Authorities also allege that Zetas were paying the Hidalgo police officers 3,000 to 5,000 pesos ($228 to $380) every two weeks, which doesn’t seem like a lot until you consider the fact that this is Mexico, where many people make significantly less than that on a biweekly basis. Since the announcement of these arrests came on Wednesday, I’d be looking for the next mass arrest of Mexican police on corruption charges to come late next week or early in the following week. That would keep up the pace we’ve been on recently, although it would be less than stunning to see that pace quicken even further……..
- Ripping a kid is never something I want to do, so I’ll handle this next story a bit differently. Instead of mocking 13-year-old Whitney Lapic of Shillington, N.J., I’m going to focus more on her mother, Debra Stanley-Lapic. Whitney Lapic is the National Marbles Tournament champion after beating out a competitor from Allegheny County in Wildwood, New Jersey. Yes, I said the national marbles championship. Nothing says winner quite like being a standout marbles player. But as I said, I’m going to go easy on this kid and so her mother is the logical target. Debra Stanley-Lapic was herself the national marbles champion 36 years ago, yet she allows her kid to embrace full-on dork-dom and become a competitive marbles player too? If you’ve gone through the experience of playing marbles and being rightfully ridiculed by your peers for it, why would you allow your child to follow in your footsteps? It’s hard enough being a kid and growing up with having the added burden and stigma of playing marbles. If it’s possible, marbles might be an even dorkier competition than those kids who are slammed into the spelling bee and look really awkward and nervous trying to spell difficult words on national television. Who still plays marbles anyhow? What is this, 1959 or 2009? It doesn’t matter that Debra Stanley-Lapic and Whitney Lapic are the first mother and daughter to win a national championship, because that’s not a distinction anyone should be proud of. The blame here doesn’t go on the kid, because she’s just too young to know better. The mother takes the brunt of the responsibility for this one and unless she wants her daughter to spend the next 4-5 years of school being shoved inside lockers, given swirlies and having her book knocked out of her hands, she should find a new hobby for the girl……….
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Prison riots are always fun to see, mostly because as long as prison officials stay out of harm’s way, there are no losers. You have a bunch of convicted criminals rioting and getting out of control, so even if some of them are injured in the process, it’s no big loss. Plus, these are usually some of society’s most violent individuals and as such, you know they’re putting on a good riot. This edition of Riot Watch! takes us to Pelican Bay State Prison in Northern California. An uprising at the maximum-security prison resulted in a seriously injured inmate being taken to an outside hospital for treatment and six other inmates suffering minor stab wounds and other injuries. To quell the unrest, which took place in the prison's main exercise yard and involved about 17 inmates, officers used pepper spray and rubber bullets. Oh, and you’ll be absolutely stunned to learn that authorities believe that this mini-riot was gang-related. A gang-related riot in a maximum-security prison? No way! I do want to give credit to the inmates who manufactured the seven weapons found at the scene of the riot by prison officials. I love hearing about inmates scrapping together whatever materials they can find, having people smuggle things into the prison for them and finding a way to carve out a shiv. It’s a bit like MacGuyver fashioning a bomb out of a toothpick, a watch and a piece of gum, only MacGuyver wasn’t looking to cut someone with his creation, he was looking to escape or take down the bad guys. So all in all, not a large-scale riot and nothing was burned or destroyed as far as I can tell, but still a solid 5.5 on the Riot-O-Meter, so I’ll take it…….
- One of the best YouTube moments of all time is the bear that was caught in a residential area, hit with a tranquilizer dart and subsequently fell from a tree and bounced up and down on a trampoline before falling to the ground. I can never get enough of that clip, but I’m guessing it wasn’t quite as funny for the residents of a Highlands Ranch, Colorado neighborhood who spotted a large black bear wander from the woods and into their lives. A resident on Ramshead Court in Highlands Ranch heard several dogs barking about 9 a.m. Friday and looked out the window to see what was going on. "Then I started focusing and saw a big bear claw. And then I called neighbors and told them to get their dogs in and their kids because we have a lot of kids in the cul-de-sac," Rod Michotte said. Michotte clearly isn’t the best thinker in tiems of crisis, because after calling the neighbors, he eschewed the idea of calling 911 and instead dialed his wife at work to let her know what was happening. “I said, 'Get off the phone and call 911!" Cindy Michotte said. Well said, Cindy. Following his wife’s sage advice, Rod Michotte called 911 and Douglas County deputies notified the Division of Wildlife. Police kept an eye on the bear until wildlife officers arrived, with the animal mostly sitting in a tree and not looking to do much damage. Also, the bear weighed in at only 150 pounds, so this wasn’t a huge, hulking animal. DOW officers hit the bear with two tranquilizer darts and the black bear fell onto the family's trampoline, severely bending it. Too bad no one videotaped it, because this could have been another classic YouTube clip. Bears bouncing on trampolines are always good for a laugh or 50. Oh, and the Michotte children are apparently angry because the falling bear messed up their trampoline, so a word of advice for them: get over it. Sometimes in life, a tranquilized bear falls onto your trampoline and screws it up. Laugh about it, get a new trampoline and move on. As for the bear, wildlife officials placed the 2-year-old animal in a bear container and took it back to the foothills, where it was set free. Officials say that roaming bears are common in Douglas County and that there are typically several sightings every year. Bears receive one free pass when they wander into a residential area, but if they do so a second time they are put down. Here’s hoping that this bear stays in the woods and off of trampolines from here on out so that it can live a long and happy bear life……
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Lots of drugs at the World Baseball Classic, lots of good Halloween weekend music in New Orleans and thoughts on Jack-O
- So who WASN’T drugged up on something during this year’s World Baseball Classic? Just a day after Chicago Cubs catcher Geovany Soto admitted that he tested positive for marijuana while playing for Puerto Rico in the WBC, it was revealed that Kansas City Royals pitcher Sidney Ponson tested positive for a stimulant during the tournament and has been banned from international competition for two years. Soto issued a well-written, smartly crafted statement apologizing for being a stoner and claiming that it was an “isolated” incident. Riiiight, because everyone who gets popped for smoking the hippie lettuce says that. Why exactly would someone decide to toke up for the first time during a huge international tournament where they are playing for their entire country? Nice try, Geo. It may be an isolated incident in terms of you getting caught, but it is not the first time you’ve hit the bong. As for Ponson, International Baseball Federation said that Ponson tested positive for Phentermine, a weight-loss drug that is similar in chemical structure to an amphetamine. He apparently was drugging up while pitching for the Netherlands last March in the WBC and throwing well enough to earn a minor league contract with Kansas City. He has struggled mightily this season, going 1-5 with a 7.27 ERA as a starter and reliever for the Royals. Of late, Ponson has been on the 15-day disabled list because of a strained right elbow. The positive test does place Ponson into Major League Baseball’s drug program, although he will not be suspended. Instead, he will be treated as a first-time offender and is subject to a medical review and fine. Kansas City manager Trey Hillman claims that Ponson alerted all relevant baseball officials that he was taking the drug and yet was still flagged for a positive test. His agent is also taking up the fight, stating that Ponson was given the drug by his doctor. “During the offseason, Sidney consulted with a physician about weight loss and was prescribed a common appetite suppressant," agent, Barry Praver declared. "Under the belief that this was sufficient, he did not seek further authorization, which he now understands would have been granted.” Give whatever excuse you want, but the bottom line is that Sid Ponson and Geovany Soto were both using illegal drugs during the WBC and must now suffer the consequences. Whether you are a stoner or a FAT guy looking to shed a few pounds, the rules still apply to you……..
- Speaking of FAT people….police in Bellingham, Massachusetts are hoping that the girth of a bank robber will help make him that much easier to track down. They are still searching for the man who robbed the Milford National Bank on Hartford Avenue in Bellingham just before 10:30 a.m. using a silver hand gun. The man has one distinctive feature that no mask, disguise or sunglasses can hide. "He was a very large man, 300 pounds or over, white, with facial hair," said Sgt. Lee Rolls, of the Bellingham Police Department. Even in the United States of America, the world’s FAT-test nation, being over 300 pounds definitely helps to narrow the suspect pool. Other details about the robber include his age (believed to be in his 30s) and that he was wearing a Patriots sweatshirt and a Red Sox hat. According to the police report, the man walked in, flashed a gun and demanded money. Once the teller handed over the cash, the suspect jumped into a gold or brown four-door sedan and fled…..as his car’s suspension groaned and strained under the pressure from his enormously FAT frame. Police are, as always, asking for the public help in identifying and locating the suspect. I’m guessing he shouldn’t be that tough to find; just start looking at all of the places where a person with an ungodly appetite could buy large quantities of unhealthy food for a fairly reasonable price. You don’t even need to send that many officers after this guy because there is no way he’s going to outrun even out-of-shape cops….I think. Look for this robber to cite his addiction to food and the need to feed that addiction as the reason for his crime when this case goes to court……..
- First and foremost….condolences to the family and friends of Michael Jackson. Losing a loved one, especially when he or she is only 50 years old, it tragic. Having a father, sibling or close friend pass away suddenly and unexpectedly is absolutely awful and for that reason, thought and prayers for those close to Jackson. On the most basic human level, your heart breaks in these situations because no one with a soul wishes anything so terrible on another person. That being said…..all of the people out there who didn’t know Jack-O at all and were merely fans of his music need to get a grip on themselves. For starters, anyone who is heartbroken at the death of a celebrity they didn’t know is way off base. Just because you listened to their music, watched their movies or saw them play a sport, that doesn’t mean you had a real connection to them. Save your emotions for those you know and love. Crying, engaging in midnight vigils and acting like the celeb who died was your best friend is just sad and misguided. Secondly, and I say this without looking to denigrate Jackson, his musical career was quite possibly the most overrated in history. Those who label him a visionary, a revolutionary and some sort of musical savant are just wrong. He was called the King of Pop, after all. Mainstream pop is the single-most patently offensive music genre for anyone who loves actual musical talent. It is over-produced, synthesized, glitzy, bubble-gum crap that basically focuses little on substance and actual music skill and more on what a producer with some technology at his disposal can do to make a song as slick and radio-friendly as possible. Jackson’s shtik was throwing on a single sequined glove, ugly sequined outfits and dancing around in music videos. I’ve never found his music compelling or good and doubt that I ever will. Today, as everyone with access to airspace went with their favorite Jackson songs in heavy rotation (a great reason to never rely on the radio as your music source), I didn’t hear a single song I liked or one that didn’t make me want to change the channel immediately. Remember, just because a song or artist is popular doesn’t mean they are good. Simply put, there are a lot of morons out there with bad taste in music and a bunch of them gathering together in support of a particular artist in no way constitutes a validation of their act. Thirdly….Jack-O basically inspired that weasel-on-helium-voiced former man-bander Justin Timberlake’s entire act. Timberlake basically lives by ripping off/recycling Jackson’s gimmicks, which further denigrates Jack-O’s musical career. Inspiring a hack like Timberlake just doesn’t reflect well on you, period. Oh, and I should also mention that Jackson was a known pedophile with an alarm outside his master bedroom to alert him when he was inside with a child and an adult approached the room. He once paid $20 million to settle a civil suit against him by the family of an alleged victim of his perverted ways, even if he was never convicted for the crime. In other words, he wasn’t a great guy outside of his overrated musical career. For that reason, I’m no sadder about his passing than I am about the deaths of any of the other people around the country and world today. Many people lost their loved ones and they deserve just as much sympathy and just as many prayers as Jackson’s family, because he was no more important than any of them…….
- Are the United States and Venezuela finally making nice? Not really, but at least the two oft-sparring nations are taking the small step forward of reinstating each others’ ambassadors. Some nine months after a diplomatic spat resulted in their respective expulsions, the ambassadors will be allowed to return to their posts in the days ahead, according to the State Department. U.S. Ambassador Patrick Duddy will be allowed to return to Venezuela and Venezuelan Ambassador Bernardo Alvarez Herrera will retake his post in Washington. “With (Duddy’s) return, full diplomatic representation will resume,” State Department spokesman Ian Kelly said. “This will help advance and enhance our outreach to the Venezuelan people.” Ironically, this little diplomatic dust-up began with a disagreement between the U.S. and Bolivia. Bolivian President Evo Morales expelled the U.S. ambassador from his country to protest what he called American interference in his country. For some odd reason, Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez felt like he had to follow suit and gave Duddy the boot from his country in September. It took the United States all of one day to return the favor and from there, it was on. Making matters a bit awkward has been the fact that the United States accounts for about 60 percent of Venezuela’s total exports. In other words, we’ll buy your goods but we don’t want any sort of diplomatic relationship with you. Relations between the two countries have been improving ever so gradually since Barack Obama took office in January, so it’s not the biggest surprise that the reinstatement of ambassadors is taking place. “The Obama administration wants to have more fluid communication and to improve relations,” said Nicolas Maduro Moros, Venezuela’s minister for foreign affairs. “Our position on this issue is very clear, and we are ready to move forward.” Full diplomatic relations between the U.S. and Venezuela still haven’t been restored, but I suppose this is a nice step in that direction……….
- Quite an eclectic group of performers that will be taking to the stage at the 11th annual Voodoo Experience music festival, taking place Halloween weekend in New Orleans. Not that the people of the Crescent City need an excuse to put on bizarre costumes and drink a lot of alcohol, but this will provide them with one. The list of scheduled acts includes Eminem, Kiss, Jane's Addiction, the Flaming Lips, Ween, Silversun Pickups, Wolfmother, Eagles of Death Metal, the Black Keys, New Orleans natives Mutemath, Black Lips, Mates of State, All Time Low, Robert Randolph & the Family Band, the Knux and George Clinton & Parliament-Funkadelic. It should be quite a show, with more than 150 acts total who will play on eight stages in three separate areas -- named Le Ritual, Le Flambeau and Le Carnival -- around the city. It will be Eminem’s first full-length concert in four years, which not-so-coincidentally comes as he’s looking to drum up support for his new album, "The Relapse.” The festival will be covered on-air and online by Fuse, a cable network that many of you have probably never heard of. Should you be looking to head to the Big Easy and get your drink on, er, hear some great music and possibly enjoy a beer or fifteen, tickets for the weekend are available for $169. If you can afford to step up to the VIP level, LOA Lounge VIP passes are priced $475. One benefit for all festival goers this year is that Voodoo organizers are absorbing any surcharges, so tickets will be slightly less expensive than they could have been. I definitely wish I could be on hand for this, because Halloween is already an insane party in New Orleans, but adding a ton of great bands on three stages around the city is going to make it even better……..
- Speaking of FAT people….police in Bellingham, Massachusetts are hoping that the girth of a bank robber will help make him that much easier to track down. They are still searching for the man who robbed the Milford National Bank on Hartford Avenue in Bellingham just before 10:30 a.m. using a silver hand gun. The man has one distinctive feature that no mask, disguise or sunglasses can hide. "He was a very large man, 300 pounds or over, white, with facial hair," said Sgt. Lee Rolls, of the Bellingham Police Department. Even in the United States of America, the world’s FAT-test nation, being over 300 pounds definitely helps to narrow the suspect pool. Other details about the robber include his age (believed to be in his 30s) and that he was wearing a Patriots sweatshirt and a Red Sox hat. According to the police report, the man walked in, flashed a gun and demanded money. Once the teller handed over the cash, the suspect jumped into a gold or brown four-door sedan and fled…..as his car’s suspension groaned and strained under the pressure from his enormously FAT frame. Police are, as always, asking for the public help in identifying and locating the suspect. I’m guessing he shouldn’t be that tough to find; just start looking at all of the places where a person with an ungodly appetite could buy large quantities of unhealthy food for a fairly reasonable price. You don’t even need to send that many officers after this guy because there is no way he’s going to outrun even out-of-shape cops….I think. Look for this robber to cite his addiction to food and the need to feed that addiction as the reason for his crime when this case goes to court……..
- First and foremost….condolences to the family and friends of Michael Jackson. Losing a loved one, especially when he or she is only 50 years old, it tragic. Having a father, sibling or close friend pass away suddenly and unexpectedly is absolutely awful and for that reason, thought and prayers for those close to Jackson. On the most basic human level, your heart breaks in these situations because no one with a soul wishes anything so terrible on another person. That being said…..all of the people out there who didn’t know Jack-O at all and were merely fans of his music need to get a grip on themselves. For starters, anyone who is heartbroken at the death of a celebrity they didn’t know is way off base. Just because you listened to their music, watched their movies or saw them play a sport, that doesn’t mean you had a real connection to them. Save your emotions for those you know and love. Crying, engaging in midnight vigils and acting like the celeb who died was your best friend is just sad and misguided. Secondly, and I say this without looking to denigrate Jackson, his musical career was quite possibly the most overrated in history. Those who label him a visionary, a revolutionary and some sort of musical savant are just wrong. He was called the King of Pop, after all. Mainstream pop is the single-most patently offensive music genre for anyone who loves actual musical talent. It is over-produced, synthesized, glitzy, bubble-gum crap that basically focuses little on substance and actual music skill and more on what a producer with some technology at his disposal can do to make a song as slick and radio-friendly as possible. Jackson’s shtik was throwing on a single sequined glove, ugly sequined outfits and dancing around in music videos. I’ve never found his music compelling or good and doubt that I ever will. Today, as everyone with access to airspace went with their favorite Jackson songs in heavy rotation (a great reason to never rely on the radio as your music source), I didn’t hear a single song I liked or one that didn’t make me want to change the channel immediately. Remember, just because a song or artist is popular doesn’t mean they are good. Simply put, there are a lot of morons out there with bad taste in music and a bunch of them gathering together in support of a particular artist in no way constitutes a validation of their act. Thirdly….Jack-O basically inspired that weasel-on-helium-voiced former man-bander Justin Timberlake’s entire act. Timberlake basically lives by ripping off/recycling Jackson’s gimmicks, which further denigrates Jack-O’s musical career. Inspiring a hack like Timberlake just doesn’t reflect well on you, period. Oh, and I should also mention that Jackson was a known pedophile with an alarm outside his master bedroom to alert him when he was inside with a child and an adult approached the room. He once paid $20 million to settle a civil suit against him by the family of an alleged victim of his perverted ways, even if he was never convicted for the crime. In other words, he wasn’t a great guy outside of his overrated musical career. For that reason, I’m no sadder about his passing than I am about the deaths of any of the other people around the country and world today. Many people lost their loved ones and they deserve just as much sympathy and just as many prayers as Jackson’s family, because he was no more important than any of them…….
- Are the United States and Venezuela finally making nice? Not really, but at least the two oft-sparring nations are taking the small step forward of reinstating each others’ ambassadors. Some nine months after a diplomatic spat resulted in their respective expulsions, the ambassadors will be allowed to return to their posts in the days ahead, according to the State Department. U.S. Ambassador Patrick Duddy will be allowed to return to Venezuela and Venezuelan Ambassador Bernardo Alvarez Herrera will retake his post in Washington. “With (Duddy’s) return, full diplomatic representation will resume,” State Department spokesman Ian Kelly said. “This will help advance and enhance our outreach to the Venezuelan people.” Ironically, this little diplomatic dust-up began with a disagreement between the U.S. and Bolivia. Bolivian President Evo Morales expelled the U.S. ambassador from his country to protest what he called American interference in his country. For some odd reason, Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez felt like he had to follow suit and gave Duddy the boot from his country in September. It took the United States all of one day to return the favor and from there, it was on. Making matters a bit awkward has been the fact that the United States accounts for about 60 percent of Venezuela’s total exports. In other words, we’ll buy your goods but we don’t want any sort of diplomatic relationship with you. Relations between the two countries have been improving ever so gradually since Barack Obama took office in January, so it’s not the biggest surprise that the reinstatement of ambassadors is taking place. “The Obama administration wants to have more fluid communication and to improve relations,” said Nicolas Maduro Moros, Venezuela’s minister for foreign affairs. “Our position on this issue is very clear, and we are ready to move forward.” Full diplomatic relations between the U.S. and Venezuela still haven’t been restored, but I suppose this is a nice step in that direction……….
- Quite an eclectic group of performers that will be taking to the stage at the 11th annual Voodoo Experience music festival, taking place Halloween weekend in New Orleans. Not that the people of the Crescent City need an excuse to put on bizarre costumes and drink a lot of alcohol, but this will provide them with one. The list of scheduled acts includes Eminem, Kiss, Jane's Addiction, the Flaming Lips, Ween, Silversun Pickups, Wolfmother, Eagles of Death Metal, the Black Keys, New Orleans natives Mutemath, Black Lips, Mates of State, All Time Low, Robert Randolph & the Family Band, the Knux and George Clinton & Parliament-Funkadelic. It should be quite a show, with more than 150 acts total who will play on eight stages in three separate areas -- named Le Ritual, Le Flambeau and Le Carnival -- around the city. It will be Eminem’s first full-length concert in four years, which not-so-coincidentally comes as he’s looking to drum up support for his new album, "The Relapse.” The festival will be covered on-air and online by Fuse, a cable network that many of you have probably never heard of. Should you be looking to head to the Big Easy and get your drink on, er, hear some great music and possibly enjoy a beer or fifteen, tickets for the weekend are available for $169. If you can afford to step up to the VIP level, LOA Lounge VIP passes are priced $475. One benefit for all festival goers this year is that Voodoo organizers are absorbing any surcharges, so tickets will be slightly less expensive than they could have been. I definitely wish I could be on hand for this, because Halloween is already an insane party in New Orleans, but adding a ton of great bands on three stages around the city is going to make it even better……..
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Unlikely Riot Watch heroes in Iran, where your pal hypocrisy has been lately and the Cavs make a trade that accomplishes very little
- Props to the Cleveland Cavaliers for at least trying to do something to improve their team after getting completely and totally overmatched in the Eastern Conference finals this season. It’s about four months late and it’s a move that isn't actually going to help them win an NBA championship next season or any other season, but at least they’re trying. Of course, I’m referring to the trade of also-rans Ben Wallace, who may or may not still alive at this point, and Sasha Pavlovic for the aging, out-of-shape Shaquille O’Neal. The trade for Shaq allows the Cavs and their fans to think that they’re doing something to improve their team after the Orlando Magic soundly throttled them in the playoffs this season. Never mind that the Cavs should have made a trade – they even discussed this very deal – before the NBA trade deadline in February. They had an expiring contract to trade in Wally Sczerbiak and probably could have found someone willing to give them a valuable contributor using Sczerbiak and a few other pieces. Instead, GM Danny Ferry and his crew elected to stand pat and go forward with the team they had. We all saw the result of that and now the Cavs are making a move to bring a 37-year-old guy with a body that is probably closer to 47 years old, with tons of mileage on it and who clearly hasn’t made any significant effort to stay in shape over the years. O’Neal has become an increasingly bitter, contentious guy who seems unable to deal with the fact that he just can’t dominate games the way he used to. Sure, he averaged 18 points and eight rebounds a game for Phoenix this past season, but don’t let the numbers obscure your view of the truth. Shaq no longer dominates games the way he once did and there is no way he can stay on the floor for prolonged periods of time. He’ll come into Cleveland with a lot of fanfare and perhaps even the glowing approval of LeBron James, but anyone who thinks that the Cavs will win the NBA championship next season if they don’t make other moves besides this one are begging. Give this one a passing grade for effort on the Cavs’ part an a failing grade everywhere else – i.e. the places it counts……….
- This is exactly what I like to see. When one country stumbles and can’t keep up its end of the drug-producing load for the world, other countries have to step their game up. For years, Colombia has been the lead dog in terms of supplying the world with its drugs, specifically cocaine. The Colombians have dominated in distributing blow and that fact has undoubtedly been a source of immense pride for the entire country. However, the United Nations reported this week that coca cultivation and cocaine production have decreased in Colombia. That’s bad news, because your friendly neighborhood coke heads won't be quite as friendly if their supply dries up and prices skyrocket. However, there is good news in this seemingly terrible story. Even though Colombian cultivation was down 18 percent and production decreased 28 percent in 2008, Bolivia and Peru have risen to the occasion by upping their contributions to the world of narcotics. The U.N. Office on Drugs and Crime issued a report Friday saying that cultivation increased 6 percent in Bolivia and 4.5 percent in Peru, while production went up 9 percent in Bolivia and 4.1 percent in Peru. One nation may not be able to fill the gap left when Colombia falls short, but when two nations like Bolivia and Peru team up, the burden is lessened. "The increases for Bolivia and Peru show a trend in the wrong direction," said Antonio Maria Costa, executive director of the U.N. drug office. Not really, Antonio. You’re looking at this the wrong way and I am here to help you get your focus right. While you might think that the manual eradication of 237 acres of coca, an increase of 44 percent over 2007, and the spraying of another 328 acres with herbicide are good things, but not so. See, having production levels at a 10-year low isn’t going to eliminate the Colombian nose candy from the world - it’s simply going to create problems when people can't get their coke or have to pay more for it. Various government and law enforcement groups can celebrate the fact that the value of coca leaf in Colombia is decreasing, but they are deluding themselves if they think that this is a fight they can win. Sure, it’s less attractive for farmers in Colombia to grow coca plants, but there will always be someone else there to meet the demand. Bolivia and Peru are just the tip of the cocaine iceberg; other nations will stand tall and help fill the void as well. It may have nothing to do with a sense of being neighborly and helping out when your fellow coke producers trip up, but the end result is that there will be product there and the system will keep chugging along……..
- Is there anyone who hasn’t made a sex tape at some point in their life? Seriously, when even the irrelevant, cougar-like cast members of crappy reality shows like "Real Housewives of New Jersey” are having to go to court to prevent the release of sex tapes starring themselves, this trned has gone too far. Having never seen any of Bravo's “Real Housewives” shows (I think there are currently 17 and that Bravo is attempting to surpass the record for variations on a single series, currently held by CBS with “CSI”), I have no idea who Danielle Staub, of Wayne, N.J. is and if not for this story, I would still have no idea. However, now that Staub has gone to court to stop her ex-husband, Stephen Zalewski, from releasing a sex tape of the couple, I at least know that Staub is a freak - although I really knew that already by virtue of her being on a reality show. It doesn’t even matter if the sex tape was made by your spouse, because who makes a tape of themselves having sex? You were there, you know what it looks like and feels like. Why would you want anyone else to see you having sex unless you’re a freak? But if you are dumb enough to make a sex tape, go ahead and assume that someone is going to publish or “leak” it at some point. Perhaps Zalewski was looking for revenge on his wife after their divorce or maybe he was jealous of her “fame” and wanted to capitalize on it by putting out this tape. He attempted to distributing explicit photos and a sex tape from their time together, but Staub sued for invasion of privacy, defamation and intentional infliction of emotional distress and won the case in Passaic County Court. Her case was based on claims that she was unknowingly videotaped and photographed while having sex, which the judge apparently believed. Do I believe that? Not really. Then again, the judge in the case didn’t exactly slam the door on Zalewski’s quest to release the video and pictures. Instead, he merely ordered an injunction banning the release of any sex video or racy pictures pending a hearing next month. As for the possible motive of releasing the materials, what does Mr. Zalewski have to say about it? Well, last week he told Star magazine last week that Staub "cost me so much money, why shouldn't I make a few dollars?” Again, I’ve never watched "Real Housewives of New Jersey,” but from what I have heard, Staub is cryptic and secretive about her past on the show. She has admitted to being arrested and changing her name after a 1996 book titled "Cop Without a Badge” was published about Zalewski and alleged that she had ties to prostitution, a kidnapping plot, and a $24,000 dollar drug deal gone awry. Other allegations against her include being part of a prostitution ring and having an even larger role in a variety of other illegal activities. All in all, she sounds like a quality person, no? Just the kind of person you’d expect to end up on a sex tape……..
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Iran has truly been Riot Central of late, with near non-stop riots in Tehran and other cities around the nation. The upheaval over the bogus, fraudulent re-election of dictator Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has made the streets of Iran’s capital quite possibly the most dangerous place in the world to be. That hasn’t stopped an unlikely group from joining in on the riot fun: Iranian clerics. When your local religious officials jump in on the rioting, you know you’ve got something big going on. It was true when Tibetan monks spearheaded the riots and protests in Tibet last year and it’s true here as a group of Mullahs took to the streets of Tehran to protest election results. No one knows whether these clerics voted for Ahmadinejad or one of the opposition candidates, but the most important thing is that they are willing to defy the will of Iran's supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, who threw down the gauntlet by declaring all anti-election demonstrations illegal. When the country’s conservative clerics, its the guardians of the Islamic revolution and its ideologies decide to jump in and riot, the world takes notice. These guys are ranked only below God and Iran's supreme leader in the Islamic food chain. Now we’re left to wait and see how the country’s military and police will react to the clerics rioting. Will they violently abuse, beat and kill them as they have done to the rest of the protestors? It will be tough to see, given the fact that the Iranian government is attempting to permit any pictures or video of their gross and ongoing abuses of power from getting out. They’re demanding that news outlets report only positive stories that support the current regime or else get out of Iran, so discovering the truth will be tough. I am not Muslim, but I give the clerics of the Islamic Republic props for speaking up for people's right to voice their opinion and in support of new elections. Chief among these brave souls is Grand Ayatollah Hussein Ali Montazeri, who described government efforts to crackdown on the protests as threatening the legitimacy of the Islamic Republic because it was no longer representing all the people. Men like this add yet another layer and much more texture to an already fascinating story of a people fed up with their government and willing to put their lives on the line to speak out and create change. Well done, all Iranian dissidents, I salute you…….
- Wondering where your good friend hypocrisy has been lately? If you haven’t seen hypocrisy around much, it’s probably because that tool Jon Gosselin has bee totally monopolizing hypocrisy’s time. See, you might remember that a couple of weeks ago, this clown angrily proclaimed that the state of his marriage to wife/fellow attention whore Kate was “a private matter” even though I explicitly explained that saying such a thing AFTER being on reality television is the ultimate contradiction. It was then I felt that Jon G. couldn’t take hypocrisy to any higher heights – and of course I was wrong. What says stay out of my private business and marriage quite like announcing your divorce on TV? Because that’s what Jon and Kate did this week on the most recent episode of their TLC reality show, telling the world that they had decided to end things. But wait, I thought your marriage was private and that you wanted people to respect that. This makes no sense. See, if I was angry about people prying into what I felt was a private area of my life, know what I wouldn’t do? Yup, I would not announce my divorce on TELEVISION! It’s like this tool is saying, “Yo, you all need to back off, this is a matter between my wife and I, so give us – wait, hang on a minute. Know what? We’re getting divorced, cue up those cameras and make sure you record this.” The future of the show itself is unclear, as the current “season” will keep on going, but after that…..it’s not known whether TLC will try to string this thing out any further. If they mercifully decide to kill the series, that will be the one positive thing to come out of this divorce, if there can be such a thing. The less of my man Jonny G. I have in my life, the better………
- This is exactly what I like to see. When one country stumbles and can’t keep up its end of the drug-producing load for the world, other countries have to step their game up. For years, Colombia has been the lead dog in terms of supplying the world with its drugs, specifically cocaine. The Colombians have dominated in distributing blow and that fact has undoubtedly been a source of immense pride for the entire country. However, the United Nations reported this week that coca cultivation and cocaine production have decreased in Colombia. That’s bad news, because your friendly neighborhood coke heads won't be quite as friendly if their supply dries up and prices skyrocket. However, there is good news in this seemingly terrible story. Even though Colombian cultivation was down 18 percent and production decreased 28 percent in 2008, Bolivia and Peru have risen to the occasion by upping their contributions to the world of narcotics. The U.N. Office on Drugs and Crime issued a report Friday saying that cultivation increased 6 percent in Bolivia and 4.5 percent in Peru, while production went up 9 percent in Bolivia and 4.1 percent in Peru. One nation may not be able to fill the gap left when Colombia falls short, but when two nations like Bolivia and Peru team up, the burden is lessened. "The increases for Bolivia and Peru show a trend in the wrong direction," said Antonio Maria Costa, executive director of the U.N. drug office. Not really, Antonio. You’re looking at this the wrong way and I am here to help you get your focus right. While you might think that the manual eradication of 237 acres of coca, an increase of 44 percent over 2007, and the spraying of another 328 acres with herbicide are good things, but not so. See, having production levels at a 10-year low isn’t going to eliminate the Colombian nose candy from the world - it’s simply going to create problems when people can't get their coke or have to pay more for it. Various government and law enforcement groups can celebrate the fact that the value of coca leaf in Colombia is decreasing, but they are deluding themselves if they think that this is a fight they can win. Sure, it’s less attractive for farmers in Colombia to grow coca plants, but there will always be someone else there to meet the demand. Bolivia and Peru are just the tip of the cocaine iceberg; other nations will stand tall and help fill the void as well. It may have nothing to do with a sense of being neighborly and helping out when your fellow coke producers trip up, but the end result is that there will be product there and the system will keep chugging along……..
- Is there anyone who hasn’t made a sex tape at some point in their life? Seriously, when even the irrelevant, cougar-like cast members of crappy reality shows like "Real Housewives of New Jersey” are having to go to court to prevent the release of sex tapes starring themselves, this trned has gone too far. Having never seen any of Bravo's “Real Housewives” shows (I think there are currently 17 and that Bravo is attempting to surpass the record for variations on a single series, currently held by CBS with “CSI”), I have no idea who Danielle Staub, of Wayne, N.J. is and if not for this story, I would still have no idea. However, now that Staub has gone to court to stop her ex-husband, Stephen Zalewski, from releasing a sex tape of the couple, I at least know that Staub is a freak - although I really knew that already by virtue of her being on a reality show. It doesn’t even matter if the sex tape was made by your spouse, because who makes a tape of themselves having sex? You were there, you know what it looks like and feels like. Why would you want anyone else to see you having sex unless you’re a freak? But if you are dumb enough to make a sex tape, go ahead and assume that someone is going to publish or “leak” it at some point. Perhaps Zalewski was looking for revenge on his wife after their divorce or maybe he was jealous of her “fame” and wanted to capitalize on it by putting out this tape. He attempted to distributing explicit photos and a sex tape from their time together, but Staub sued for invasion of privacy, defamation and intentional infliction of emotional distress and won the case in Passaic County Court. Her case was based on claims that she was unknowingly videotaped and photographed while having sex, which the judge apparently believed. Do I believe that? Not really. Then again, the judge in the case didn’t exactly slam the door on Zalewski’s quest to release the video and pictures. Instead, he merely ordered an injunction banning the release of any sex video or racy pictures pending a hearing next month. As for the possible motive of releasing the materials, what does Mr. Zalewski have to say about it? Well, last week he told Star magazine last week that Staub "cost me so much money, why shouldn't I make a few dollars?” Again, I’ve never watched "Real Housewives of New Jersey,” but from what I have heard, Staub is cryptic and secretive about her past on the show. She has admitted to being arrested and changing her name after a 1996 book titled "Cop Without a Badge” was published about Zalewski and alleged that she had ties to prostitution, a kidnapping plot, and a $24,000 dollar drug deal gone awry. Other allegations against her include being part of a prostitution ring and having an even larger role in a variety of other illegal activities. All in all, she sounds like a quality person, no? Just the kind of person you’d expect to end up on a sex tape……..
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Iran has truly been Riot Central of late, with near non-stop riots in Tehran and other cities around the nation. The upheaval over the bogus, fraudulent re-election of dictator Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has made the streets of Iran’s capital quite possibly the most dangerous place in the world to be. That hasn’t stopped an unlikely group from joining in on the riot fun: Iranian clerics. When your local religious officials jump in on the rioting, you know you’ve got something big going on. It was true when Tibetan monks spearheaded the riots and protests in Tibet last year and it’s true here as a group of Mullahs took to the streets of Tehran to protest election results. No one knows whether these clerics voted for Ahmadinejad or one of the opposition candidates, but the most important thing is that they are willing to defy the will of Iran's supreme leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, who threw down the gauntlet by declaring all anti-election demonstrations illegal. When the country’s conservative clerics, its the guardians of the Islamic revolution and its ideologies decide to jump in and riot, the world takes notice. These guys are ranked only below God and Iran's supreme leader in the Islamic food chain. Now we’re left to wait and see how the country’s military and police will react to the clerics rioting. Will they violently abuse, beat and kill them as they have done to the rest of the protestors? It will be tough to see, given the fact that the Iranian government is attempting to permit any pictures or video of their gross and ongoing abuses of power from getting out. They’re demanding that news outlets report only positive stories that support the current regime or else get out of Iran, so discovering the truth will be tough. I am not Muslim, but I give the clerics of the Islamic Republic props for speaking up for people's right to voice their opinion and in support of new elections. Chief among these brave souls is Grand Ayatollah Hussein Ali Montazeri, who described government efforts to crackdown on the protests as threatening the legitimacy of the Islamic Republic because it was no longer representing all the people. Men like this add yet another layer and much more texture to an already fascinating story of a people fed up with their government and willing to put their lives on the line to speak out and create change. Well done, all Iranian dissidents, I salute you…….
- Wondering where your good friend hypocrisy has been lately? If you haven’t seen hypocrisy around much, it’s probably because that tool Jon Gosselin has bee totally monopolizing hypocrisy’s time. See, you might remember that a couple of weeks ago, this clown angrily proclaimed that the state of his marriage to wife/fellow attention whore Kate was “a private matter” even though I explicitly explained that saying such a thing AFTER being on reality television is the ultimate contradiction. It was then I felt that Jon G. couldn’t take hypocrisy to any higher heights – and of course I was wrong. What says stay out of my private business and marriage quite like announcing your divorce on TV? Because that’s what Jon and Kate did this week on the most recent episode of their TLC reality show, telling the world that they had decided to end things. But wait, I thought your marriage was private and that you wanted people to respect that. This makes no sense. See, if I was angry about people prying into what I felt was a private area of my life, know what I wouldn’t do? Yup, I would not announce my divorce on TELEVISION! It’s like this tool is saying, “Yo, you all need to back off, this is a matter between my wife and I, so give us – wait, hang on a minute. Know what? We’re getting divorced, cue up those cameras and make sure you record this.” The future of the show itself is unclear, as the current “season” will keep on going, but after that…..it’s not known whether TLC will try to string this thing out any further. If they mercifully decide to kill the series, that will be the one positive thing to come out of this divorce, if there can be such a thing. The less of my man Jonny G. I have in my life, the better………
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Legal system confusion, P. Hilton vs. will.i.am and John Daly scalps an RV
- Lee Monroe Crider, three years in jail for stealing Lance Armstrong's custom bike? I hate to keep going back to this, but the legal system in south Florida set a terrible precedent when Donte Stallworth was sentenced to exactly one month in jail for getting behind the wheel of his luxury sled while drunk, driving and killing a man. After seeing that happen, Crider getting anything more than a week for thieving a bike, even the bike of the world's most famous cyclist, just seems wrong. Sure, second-degree burglary and grand theft are nothing to scoff at, but when you set the precedent of one month in the hole for the taking of a human life, things become much murkier in the legal sense. Now it wasn't made public whether or not Crider has a previous criminal record and maybe he does, but even that should not be putting him behind bars some 36 times longer than a guy who committed vehicular manslaughter while drunk. Step your game up, legal system, because quite frankly you're just embarrassing yourself at this point......
- I have a tough time with this next one because I quite frankly don't like any of the involved parties. But as for the particulars, seems that flamboyant, loud-mouthed "celebrity" blogger Perez Hilton was jacked up outside of a Toronto night club recently by a member of the entourage rolling with Hack Eyed Peas member will.i.am. The incident was caught on tape and Hilton is on a freaking rampage, cursing and even going so far as to use a popular homosexual slur (f****t), which is ironic because dude is a homosexual and you'd think that after his unprovoked crusade against Miss California USA Carrie Prejean for her stance against same-sex marriage that he'd be a bit slower to throw around homosexual slurs. What is seen on the video is Hilton apparently getting punched right in the face three times by someone he is now alleging to be the Hack Eyed Peas' manager. Hilton and will.i.am are trading snippy online video posts, profanities and accusations and I'm just not sure where to come out on this one. On the one hand, Hilton is a tool who spends his days tearing into the personal lives of others on his Web site and is extremely intolerant of people who disagree with him. On the other hand, will.i.am and his fellow H.E.P. members produce some of the most awful and offensive music known to man and are set to ruin five dates on U2's fall North American tour by performing as an opening act. So there is ample reason to despise both of these jokers and that's exactly what I am going to do. I will celebrate the fact that Hilton got punched in the face and I will celebrate the fact that will.i.am and his manager may face criminal charges and a civil suit. So in that sense, we are all winners here and that's something to feel good about........
- Dear cable news networks: Wanna know when you stop looking the least bit legitimate and start looking like a bunch of insipid ass hats? Here's a hint: right around the time you bring in some sort of so-called expert analyst to break down the divorce announcement of those reality TV knobs Jon and Kate Gosselin. The second that the personal lives of people appearing on reality TV become actual, relevant news and you're devoting a single second of air time to analyzing who will be viewed more favorably by the public and whether one of them will have an easier time dealing with the divorce than the other one, you have officially become a joke. Here's a news flash for you, Fox News: people on reality TV are really, really screwed up. That's why they're on reality TV in the first place. If they were well-adjusted, functional people, they would be nowhere near the set of a reality show - ever. So your coverage of them like they are freaking royalty or important government figures is just sad for all involved, but mostly just for you. The rest of us can change the channel, turn off the TV or just forget about all of it. You, on the other hand, must exist and operate with the knowledge that you are totally and completely ridiculous in every sense of the word and are not going to be getting your dignity back any time soon.......
- Freaking John Daly. I love he guy, as do many out there, because he's such a tragically flawed and loveable figure. He has his demons - women, booze, gambling, cigarettes, more women, more booze - but he also has a great heart and is by all accounts an extremely nice guy. After serving a six-month suspension from the PGA Tour following his latest round of legal troubles, J.D. is back on Tour and he just can't seem to avoid trouble. Fortunately, this time his trouble isn't because he engaged in any criminal behavior, got married and divorced again or ran up a ginormous gambling debt. While driving the tricked-out RV he takes to tournaments through the Bankhead Tunnel in Mobile, Alabama, J.D. apparently failed to realize that the clearance signs indicating how tall a vehicle could be and still pass through the tunnel meant that his RV was too big to pass through. As a result, Daly and his 17-year-old daughter suffered what had to be a very scary ordeal as the tunnel ripped the roof of the RV to shreds when they tried to navigate the tunnel. Reports have both Daly and his daughter being okay, although the debris from the accident did strike a Cadillac driving behind the RV. What's odd is that the tunnel's 12-foot clearance is marked by chains dangling from the roof that are supposed to set off an alarm if a vehicle makes contact with them. Whether J.D. had the radio on too loud or wasn't paying attention, he didn't react to the alarms and as a result, his RV was scalped. I'm bummed to hear of another bad thing happening to Long John and wish him well gong forward, but J.D. my man, you need to pay attention to those clearance signs from here on out and maybe even break out a tape measure so you know how tall your RV is.......
Monday, June 22, 2009
The U.S. Open finally ends, Chris Brown treated with legal kid gloves and more proof that horse racing isn't a sport
- This isn't helping your argument that your little competition is a real sport, horse racing. I’ve long argued that horse racing isn't a sport, just like any other competition where a human being does not provide the overwhelming majority of the power. My argument is now aided by what happened during Saturday's fifth race at Belmont Park, a horse named Phone Jazz threw off her jockey, Jean-Luc Samyn, while coming out of the gate. So with no little man in a funny outfit on its back, the horse would have no clue what to do, right? Not exactly. See, Phone Jazz kept on running and after staying near the front of the pack for the entire race, the horse bolted to the lead and crossed the finish line first. It may not have counted as an official win for Phone Jazz because the rules of horse racing say the horse and the jockey have to cross the finish line together, but that doesn’t mean that this result doesn’t prove a point, namely that horse racing is not a sport. If human beings are not only an insignificant part of the physical power needed to win but totally irrelevant to the ability of the horse to cross the finish line first, I don’t see how anyone can truly call horse racing a real sport. Because Phone Jazz finished sans jockey, So Hold the Cruiser, who finished second, got the win, followed up by Favorite Colors and Properlyintroduced. I am also glad to hear that Samyn got right up off the ground and wasn’t hurt by the fall. Horse racing may not be a real sport, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be sad to hear that someone was injured while taking part in it. So another chink in your argument, horse racing fans, and I can’t say that I’m the least bit surprised………
- Here’s one tour I wont be rushing to buy a ticket for. The Cyrus family is in the business of making crappy music, whether it’s father Billy Ray and his “Achy Breaky” country garbage, daughter Miley and hr country-pop mixture that combines the worst of her dad’s genre with the worst of my most hated genre of all, mainstream pop, or older brother Trace and his faux punk/actually dance-pop band Metro Station. I once listened to Metro Station not knowing what their sound was and could not turn off the sound quickly enough. Hearing that , Metro Station will be joining Miley Cyrus on her upcoming North American trek, which begins Sept. 14, I felt a lot of different things. Shock, horror, the need for ear plugs and many other emotions coursed through me. As you might expect, the Cyrus family doesn’t share my horror. "I couldn't be more excited," Trace declared. "Honestly, I've been away from home for so long I haven't really gotten to see my family for the past two years. I'm gone on the road more than my dad (country star Billy Ray Cyrus), more than my sister. So the fact I'm gonna get to spend that much time with my family and my band, I couldn't be in a happier position. It's my dream come true; I'm gonna have everyone I love out on the road with me. It's gonna be great.” No it’ not, at least not for anyone who likes good music that isn't grossly over-produced and horrible. It may be good for you because it’ll provide a chance for some together time with little sister, but you could do that without hitting the road and subjecting people to the ear-assaulting sh*t you boh call music. Oh, and how proud Metro Station must be to following in the footsteps of other musical luminaries who have toured with Miley Cyrus, including the immortal Jonas Brothers. Making matters worse, Trace Cyrus says Metro has "well over 20 tracks" written for the follow-up to its self-titled 2007 debut and plans to hit the studio after the tour ends in December with a new release in early 2010. So there’s double-whammy for the music world, a truly awful tour followed by a truly awful album that Trace Cyrus says will be “a little more electronic, with same big pop songs that could be played on the radio.” In other words, they’ve taken what sucked about their debut album and magnified it, yippee! It’s not quite on the American Karaoke level of bad music, but it’s close……….
- One of the more bizarre golf tournaments I’ve ever seen is now over and I’m not quite sure what to make of the 2009 U.S. Open. Lucas Glover did enough to hold on in a final round where the big names, Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson, could never play like the world’s two best players long enough to win and in which play was suspended, postponed and prolonged by one rain delay after another. Glover ended at -4 to win by two shots over a group at -2 that was led by Mickelson and the suddenly resurgent David Duval (welcome back, D.D.). The tournament finally wrapped up this afternoon, half a day over the original schedule. That was actually much sooner than was projected at various points throughout the weekend as the skies opened up and rain fell in heavy doses on Long Island. The sight of grounds crew members pushing squeegees across the greens to squeeze out water and fans huddling under umbrellas will be forever linked to this tournament, which had a resultingly uneven feel. On none of the days, Thursday through Monday, was the traditional one round per day played. It was either a small fraction of a round, as on Thursday, or marathon days in which parts of two rounds were played, as on Saturday. Like many fans, I had heard little or nothing about Glover before this weekend, as he had won only one tournament previously. He could well go the way of former major tournament winners like Ben Curtis and Chad Campbell, who won their major only to fade right back into obscurity. Another thing that will stick with me is seeing Tiger Woods fail to sink putt after putt when he had a wide open door to stage a comeback while others ahead of him on the leaderboard faltered. He was erratic at best with the putter and more than once swung his club through the air in disgust after poor putt. That certainly wasn’t what anyone expected from the world’s best player now that he’s operating on a fully healthy knee and had won in the weeks leading up to the Open. There are still two majors left this year for Tiger to win, but unless he can putt the ball much better, he’s not going to win either of them………
- If anyone in the state of South Carolina has seen its governor, they might want to alert him to the fact that everyone is wondering where he is. Seems that Gov. Mark Sanford has mysteriously disappeared after a rugged session with the state legislature. According to that South Carolina law enforcement officials, the governor took a South Carolina Law Enforcement Division vehicle on Thursday and as of yet, hasn’t returned. Even his wife, Jenny, doesn’t know where Sanford is. What’s odd is that Sanford's office doesn’t seem all that rattled by his disappearance. Sanford spokesman Joel Sawyer said Sanford “put in a lot of time during this last legislative session, and after the session winds down it's not uncommon for him to go out of pocket for a few days at a time to clear his head.” Still, it just strikes me as peculiar that the guy’s wife doesn’t have a clue where he’s at. Also not a good sign that after knocking heads with the state legislature, this guy goes AWOL for a few days. I appreciate the need to clear one’s head as much as anyone, but if you’re going to be in such a high-profile position, you have to be able to handle it better than the average person. If this is a regular thing, as his staff seems to be indicating, that’s a bad sign. The governor can’t be burning out or running away when the big, bad legislature is mean to him. So take your time off, Gov. Sanford, recharge those batteries, but let’s try to make this less of a regular occurrence so your constituents can benefit from that governing they elected (and are paying) you to do……..
- The legal system isn't exactly cracking the whip on singer Chris Brown after he beat the crap out of girlfriend Rihanna. Brown and his legal team have struck a plea deal under which he will serve five years of probation and must serve 180 days in jail or the equivalent -- about 1,400 hours -- in "labor-oriented service," said Sandi Gibbons, spokeswoman for the Los Angeles County District Attorney's office. Ooh, not probation and community service, anything but that! What an amazing country we live in that you can have your special lady friend inside a moving vehicle, beat the crap out of her, threaten her and thwart her attempts to call for help and not go to jail. And no, I don’t care that Brown must also undergo a year-long domestic-violence counseling class, because that’s not exactly hard time behind bars. Those in and around the case insist that Brown's sentence is comparable to other felony sentences when the defendant has no previous record, but if that’s the case then our legal system is even more broken than I thought. All Brown must do in terms of his probation officer is to check in with him or her every three months. A dude should not be able to assault and make criminal threats to their girlfriend and not go to jail. Brown even pleaded guilty to one count of assault with the intent of doing great bodily injury, yet he’s getting off extremely light. In case you’ve forgotten the details of the incident in question, Brown and Rihanna were driving in rented Lamborghini on a Hollywood street in February when she found a text message from an old girlfriend in his phone and flipped out. He went on a rampage, hitting and kicking her and throwing her cell phone out the window when she attempted to call for help. Like many battered, abused women, Rihanna did not file a complaint against Brown, but police were able to build a case based on what she told detectives and on physical evidence collected from her, including photographs of her bruised and battered face. Thankfully, Los Angeles Criminal Court Judge Patricia Schnegg stepped into at least protect her from that which she seems unwilling to protect herself from. Schnegg issued a "stay away" order to Brown, requiring him to stay 100 yards from Rihanna. In keeping with her typical battered woman behavior, Rihanna had requested that such an order not be issued. Schnegg smartly refused that request, although she did revise it to 50 yards -- 10 yards if the two are at the same "industry event" together. The judge will also allow Brown to have his supervised probation and community service moved to his native state of Virginia, another lenient gesture by the court. Hopefully he will take his fortunate breaks from this case, make use of the counseling and guidance being given to him and cease to be a woman-beater. I have my doubts, but I’d love to be proven wrong……..
- Here’s one tour I wont be rushing to buy a ticket for. The Cyrus family is in the business of making crappy music, whether it’s father Billy Ray and his “Achy Breaky” country garbage, daughter Miley and hr country-pop mixture that combines the worst of her dad’s genre with the worst of my most hated genre of all, mainstream pop, or older brother Trace and his faux punk/actually dance-pop band Metro Station. I once listened to Metro Station not knowing what their sound was and could not turn off the sound quickly enough. Hearing that , Metro Station will be joining Miley Cyrus on her upcoming North American trek, which begins Sept. 14, I felt a lot of different things. Shock, horror, the need for ear plugs and many other emotions coursed through me. As you might expect, the Cyrus family doesn’t share my horror. "I couldn't be more excited," Trace declared. "Honestly, I've been away from home for so long I haven't really gotten to see my family for the past two years. I'm gone on the road more than my dad (country star Billy Ray Cyrus), more than my sister. So the fact I'm gonna get to spend that much time with my family and my band, I couldn't be in a happier position. It's my dream come true; I'm gonna have everyone I love out on the road with me. It's gonna be great.” No it’ not, at least not for anyone who likes good music that isn't grossly over-produced and horrible. It may be good for you because it’ll provide a chance for some together time with little sister, but you could do that without hitting the road and subjecting people to the ear-assaulting sh*t you boh call music. Oh, and how proud Metro Station must be to following in the footsteps of other musical luminaries who have toured with Miley Cyrus, including the immortal Jonas Brothers. Making matters worse, Trace Cyrus says Metro has "well over 20 tracks" written for the follow-up to its self-titled 2007 debut and plans to hit the studio after the tour ends in December with a new release in early 2010. So there’s double-whammy for the music world, a truly awful tour followed by a truly awful album that Trace Cyrus says will be “a little more electronic, with same big pop songs that could be played on the radio.” In other words, they’ve taken what sucked about their debut album and magnified it, yippee! It’s not quite on the American Karaoke level of bad music, but it’s close……….
- One of the more bizarre golf tournaments I’ve ever seen is now over and I’m not quite sure what to make of the 2009 U.S. Open. Lucas Glover did enough to hold on in a final round where the big names, Tiger Woods and Phil Mickelson, could never play like the world’s two best players long enough to win and in which play was suspended, postponed and prolonged by one rain delay after another. Glover ended at -4 to win by two shots over a group at -2 that was led by Mickelson and the suddenly resurgent David Duval (welcome back, D.D.). The tournament finally wrapped up this afternoon, half a day over the original schedule. That was actually much sooner than was projected at various points throughout the weekend as the skies opened up and rain fell in heavy doses on Long Island. The sight of grounds crew members pushing squeegees across the greens to squeeze out water and fans huddling under umbrellas will be forever linked to this tournament, which had a resultingly uneven feel. On none of the days, Thursday through Monday, was the traditional one round per day played. It was either a small fraction of a round, as on Thursday, or marathon days in which parts of two rounds were played, as on Saturday. Like many fans, I had heard little or nothing about Glover before this weekend, as he had won only one tournament previously. He could well go the way of former major tournament winners like Ben Curtis and Chad Campbell, who won their major only to fade right back into obscurity. Another thing that will stick with me is seeing Tiger Woods fail to sink putt after putt when he had a wide open door to stage a comeback while others ahead of him on the leaderboard faltered. He was erratic at best with the putter and more than once swung his club through the air in disgust after poor putt. That certainly wasn’t what anyone expected from the world’s best player now that he’s operating on a fully healthy knee and had won in the weeks leading up to the Open. There are still two majors left this year for Tiger to win, but unless he can putt the ball much better, he’s not going to win either of them………
- If anyone in the state of South Carolina has seen its governor, they might want to alert him to the fact that everyone is wondering where he is. Seems that Gov. Mark Sanford has mysteriously disappeared after a rugged session with the state legislature. According to that South Carolina law enforcement officials, the governor took a South Carolina Law Enforcement Division vehicle on Thursday and as of yet, hasn’t returned. Even his wife, Jenny, doesn’t know where Sanford is. What’s odd is that Sanford's office doesn’t seem all that rattled by his disappearance. Sanford spokesman Joel Sawyer said Sanford “put in a lot of time during this last legislative session, and after the session winds down it's not uncommon for him to go out of pocket for a few days at a time to clear his head.” Still, it just strikes me as peculiar that the guy’s wife doesn’t have a clue where he’s at. Also not a good sign that after knocking heads with the state legislature, this guy goes AWOL for a few days. I appreciate the need to clear one’s head as much as anyone, but if you’re going to be in such a high-profile position, you have to be able to handle it better than the average person. If this is a regular thing, as his staff seems to be indicating, that’s a bad sign. The governor can’t be burning out or running away when the big, bad legislature is mean to him. So take your time off, Gov. Sanford, recharge those batteries, but let’s try to make this less of a regular occurrence so your constituents can benefit from that governing they elected (and are paying) you to do……..
- The legal system isn't exactly cracking the whip on singer Chris Brown after he beat the crap out of girlfriend Rihanna. Brown and his legal team have struck a plea deal under which he will serve five years of probation and must serve 180 days in jail or the equivalent -- about 1,400 hours -- in "labor-oriented service," said Sandi Gibbons, spokeswoman for the Los Angeles County District Attorney's office. Ooh, not probation and community service, anything but that! What an amazing country we live in that you can have your special lady friend inside a moving vehicle, beat the crap out of her, threaten her and thwart her attempts to call for help and not go to jail. And no, I don’t care that Brown must also undergo a year-long domestic-violence counseling class, because that’s not exactly hard time behind bars. Those in and around the case insist that Brown's sentence is comparable to other felony sentences when the defendant has no previous record, but if that’s the case then our legal system is even more broken than I thought. All Brown must do in terms of his probation officer is to check in with him or her every three months. A dude should not be able to assault and make criminal threats to their girlfriend and not go to jail. Brown even pleaded guilty to one count of assault with the intent of doing great bodily injury, yet he’s getting off extremely light. In case you’ve forgotten the details of the incident in question, Brown and Rihanna were driving in rented Lamborghini on a Hollywood street in February when she found a text message from an old girlfriend in his phone and flipped out. He went on a rampage, hitting and kicking her and throwing her cell phone out the window when she attempted to call for help. Like many battered, abused women, Rihanna did not file a complaint against Brown, but police were able to build a case based on what she told detectives and on physical evidence collected from her, including photographs of her bruised and battered face. Thankfully, Los Angeles Criminal Court Judge Patricia Schnegg stepped into at least protect her from that which she seems unwilling to protect herself from. Schnegg issued a "stay away" order to Brown, requiring him to stay 100 yards from Rihanna. In keeping with her typical battered woman behavior, Rihanna had requested that such an order not be issued. Schnegg smartly refused that request, although she did revise it to 50 yards -- 10 yards if the two are at the same "industry event" together. The judge will also allow Brown to have his supervised probation and community service moved to his native state of Virginia, another lenient gesture by the court. Hopefully he will take his fortunate breaks from this case, make use of the counseling and guidance being given to him and cease to be a woman-beater. I have my doubts, but I’d love to be proven wrong……..
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Possibly toxic cookie dough, "The Proposal" a thoroughly mediocre movie and Bernie Kosar sacked by bankruptcy
- I’ll say this for former NFL and Miami Hurricanes star quarterback Bernie Kosar: he doesn’t evade creditors any better than he evaded pass-rushing defensive ends. On the field, Kosar was a virtual statue, a tall, gangly guy who had a decent arm but zero mobility in the pocket. He retired from the NFL in 1996 and seemed to be one of those former players with his head on straight post-football. He went into business and among other things, became the owner of the Cleveland Gladiators of the Arena Football League. He was also a broadcaster for Browns games on television and was a familiar face on the Cleveland sports scene. However, it’s now clear that Bernie the businessman isn’t exactly the second coming of Bill Gates. Kosar has filed for bankruptcy protection in Miami, which doesn’t mean he’s broke but rather that his ginormous debts outweigh his slightly-less-ginormous assets. Kosar's Chapter 11 filing Friday lists assets between $1 million and $10 million and liabilities of between $10 million and $50 million. His creditors are a diverse and interesting group, ranging from his ex-wife Babette ($3 million and $725,000 from a personal loan) to a bank he owes more than $9 million for bad real estate deals. All of this was set up by a decidedly bad period in 2007-08 in which Kosar in which he got divorced and then saw his steakhouse go out of business. On top of that, the Arena League is taking a season off because of its own financial struggles, leaving Kosar with even more financial dead weight around his neck. Oh, and I love the fact that someone who has as much as $10 million in assets can be considered bankrupt, given the fact that $10 million is more than most of us will ever earn in our life……..
- The history of the alt rock scene lost a legendary venue Friday morning when flames gutted the Georgia Theatre in Athens, Georgia. The 19th-century building was a key venue in an alternative rock music scene where acts like the B-52s, R.E.M. and the Indigo Girls got their start. The theater is located in downtown Athens near the University of Georgia campus, or at least it was before it basically burned to the ground. The building suffered heavy damage from the fire, which was discovered at 7 a.m. According to Athens-Clarke County government spokeswoman Sandy Turner, the building took a huge hit from the blaze. “The facade is still there, but it's very bad," she said. The Georgia Theatre (gotta love venues that adopt the “re” ending to the word theater/theatre as opposed to the “er” ending, which is totally lame) began as a movie theater before then-University of Georgia student Sheffy McArthur and two friends converted the building into a music venue in 1978. “The B-52s paid us to play there, imagine that," McArthur said. But the first show in the remodeled theatre was played by Sea Level, a blues-jazz-rock group that grew from the remnants of the Allman Brothers Band, in January 1978. McArthur and his friends ran the theatre until 2004, when they sold it to Wilmont Greene. By that time, it has become the hub of Atlanta’s alternative scene. Greene made some serious renovations to the 600-seat theater, but the overall atmosphere remained the same. During its early years, the venue helped serve as a launching point for the career of Michael Stipe and R.E.M., which formed in Athens in 1980 and has been a fixture on the alternative scene ever since. The band held album release parties at the Georgia Theatre and played multiple benefit shows there. In fact, R.E.M., is now based in a building just down the street. "All of us here certainly wish Wilmont Greene and his staff the best of luck and Godspeed in their efforts to rebuild the Athens landmark," an R.E.M. statement said. I second those sentiments and hope to see the venue open and running again as soon as possible, helping the next wave of alternative acts get their start……..
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Things are getting freaking ugly in Iran, and by ugly I mean beautiful. Beautiful because The Revolution is often bloody, brutal and violent, at least when serious change comes to a nation. No change worth making is ever quick, clean or easy. So first and foremost, I salute the tens of thousands of people who have risked their lives and taken to the streets of Tehran to defy the orders of their government and make their voices heard. Islamic Revolution leader Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini may have forcefully told Iranians that they were not to riot, march or demonstrate against what they believe to be the fraudulent re-election of President/Dictator Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, but opposition groups blew right by his ultimatum and have kept on rioting. Thousands of protesters told Iran's highest authority to suck it on Saturday by marching on waiting security forces that bused out baton charges, tear gas and water cannons to kick things up a notch. With the government using its iron fist to keep most images of the unrest from getting out, the pictures of the proceedings have come mainly from intrepid protestors who have used cell phone cameras and small, concealed digital cameras and gotten a shot or two in without having the police spot them. Because of the government ban on reporting about what’s actually going on, there are conflicting reports about what went down Saturday. Some bloggers claimed that a suicide bombing had led to two fatalities, while others reported an explosion but no deaths. I don’t know exactly what transpired, but what I do know is that protestors bravely defied The Man, stood tall against lines of black-clad police three deep and fought back. The Iranian government should probably be clueing into the fact that they cannot silence these people and that their sham of an election to keep their dictator in power is viewed as illegitimate and unacceptable by everyone but them. Opposition leader and presidential candidate Mir-Hossein Mousavi is leading this charge and he is inspiring his followers to riot, which makes him a great leader in my book. Better still, he completely ignored the ultimatum issued b Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, who sternly commanded that Mousavi and others call off demonstrations or risk being held responsible for "bloodshed, violence and rioting.” Acting as a loyal stooge for The Man, police commander Gen. Esmaeil Ahmadi Moghadam said more than a week of unrest and marches had become "exhausting, bothersome and intolerable” and threatened a more "serious confrontation" if protesters returned. Sorry that revolution and the demand for a fair election are “bothersome” for you, E. My man, bothersome is having a tiny bit of milk in the fridge but not enough for your cereal or to drink. That’s bothersome, but the riots and marches you are so opposed to are better described as awesome………
- Sitting around wolfing down your favorite flavor of Nestle Toll House cookie dough product as you read this? If so, I’m going to stop for a minute so you can put the cookie dough down, get some Ipacac and flush out the contents of your digestive system because Nestle has voluntarily recalled its refrigerated Toll House cookie dough products and warned consumers not to eat raw Toll House cookie dough due to fears about possible E. coli contamination. The E. coli scare has now reached more than two dozen states and although health officials are not 100 percent certain that Toll House cookie dough is to blame, Nestle is looking to get out ahead of this because many of the people sick ate the raw cookie dough. If there is one common denominator and more than 60 people have fallen ill so far in 28 states, I’d say that’s a smart move. “While the E. coli strain implicated in this investigation has not been detected in our product, the health and safety of our consumers is paramount so we are initiating this voluntary recall," Nestle said in a statement. “Consumers who have purchased these products should not consume them. Instead, we are asking that consumers return these products to their local grocer for a full refund.” Never mind the warning on all Nestle packaging that advises people not eat raw cookie dough; Nestle is smart enough to know that a lot of FAT, sweet-toothed losers out there will do it anyhow. In warning people to cease and desist eating their possibly toxic cookie dough, Nestle did stressed that its other products are OK to eat -- including its pre-baked cookies, chocolate chips, cocoa and ice cream made by Dreyer's and Edy's that contain cookie dough. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration also jumped on board with the recall, releasing a statement advising consumers to deposit any of the affected products directly into the trash. “Cooking the dough is not recommended because consumers might get the bacteria on their hands and on other cooking surfaces,” the FDA statement said. Done and done……..
- There are good points and bad points to “The Proposal,” the new chick flick, er, romantic comedy starring Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. The positives…..umm, it doesn’t totally suck. However, it’s extremely unoriginal, at times exceptionally bland and overall not worth the price of admission. Bullock is hard-working, hard-driving New York book editor Margaret, who is demanding and seemingly loathed by everyone in her life. Reynolds is Andrew, her executive assistant who takes all of her crap and smiles because he sees it as a sort of “welcome to the publishing world” experience. Yes, it’s the retread story of a guy and a girl who seem to hate each other, yet gradually the ice melts and they realize that they actually love one another. We’ve seen this story for decades on television, in movies and even on Broadway. So how do these two love-blind idiots finally come together? What is their magical epiphany? It’s none other than the tried-and-true visa problems plot twist. See, Margaret is Canadian and with her visa expired, she faces deportation and makes the snap decision to marry Andrew in a green-card wedding. Of course, Andrew has a choice: accept the “marriage” proposal or lose his job. Never mind the fact that he could simply sue for sexual harassment, because logic has no place in these things. So he accepts and they pose as a couple, with another predictable plot development coming when they go to visit his family in Alaska. I think this was supposed to be the funny part of the movie, but it was so predictable that I forgot to laugh. Bullock and Reynolds both do a decent job in their roles, but the plot is so blasé that they can't overcome it. The producers attempt to pump up the comedy with eccentric characters from Andrew’s family, including Oscar Nunez from "The Office” and Betty White, but to no avail. The bottom line on this one is that if your girlfriend, fiancée, wife, etc. drags you to see this movie, you won't want to slam your head in the car door immediately after the opening scene. Of course, you’ll still be bored to death for the better part of two hours, but it could be worse…….
- The history of the alt rock scene lost a legendary venue Friday morning when flames gutted the Georgia Theatre in Athens, Georgia. The 19th-century building was a key venue in an alternative rock music scene where acts like the B-52s, R.E.M. and the Indigo Girls got their start. The theater is located in downtown Athens near the University of Georgia campus, or at least it was before it basically burned to the ground. The building suffered heavy damage from the fire, which was discovered at 7 a.m. According to Athens-Clarke County government spokeswoman Sandy Turner, the building took a huge hit from the blaze. “The facade is still there, but it's very bad," she said. The Georgia Theatre (gotta love venues that adopt the “re” ending to the word theater/theatre as opposed to the “er” ending, which is totally lame) began as a movie theater before then-University of Georgia student Sheffy McArthur and two friends converted the building into a music venue in 1978. “The B-52s paid us to play there, imagine that," McArthur said. But the first show in the remodeled theatre was played by Sea Level, a blues-jazz-rock group that grew from the remnants of the Allman Brothers Band, in January 1978. McArthur and his friends ran the theatre until 2004, when they sold it to Wilmont Greene. By that time, it has become the hub of Atlanta’s alternative scene. Greene made some serious renovations to the 600-seat theater, but the overall atmosphere remained the same. During its early years, the venue helped serve as a launching point for the career of Michael Stipe and R.E.M., which formed in Athens in 1980 and has been a fixture on the alternative scene ever since. The band held album release parties at the Georgia Theatre and played multiple benefit shows there. In fact, R.E.M., is now based in a building just down the street. "All of us here certainly wish Wilmont Greene and his staff the best of luck and Godspeed in their efforts to rebuild the Athens landmark," an R.E.M. statement said. I second those sentiments and hope to see the venue open and running again as soon as possible, helping the next wave of alternative acts get their start……..
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Things are getting freaking ugly in Iran, and by ugly I mean beautiful. Beautiful because The Revolution is often bloody, brutal and violent, at least when serious change comes to a nation. No change worth making is ever quick, clean or easy. So first and foremost, I salute the tens of thousands of people who have risked their lives and taken to the streets of Tehran to defy the orders of their government and make their voices heard. Islamic Revolution leader Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini may have forcefully told Iranians that they were not to riot, march or demonstrate against what they believe to be the fraudulent re-election of President/Dictator Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, but opposition groups blew right by his ultimatum and have kept on rioting. Thousands of protesters told Iran's highest authority to suck it on Saturday by marching on waiting security forces that bused out baton charges, tear gas and water cannons to kick things up a notch. With the government using its iron fist to keep most images of the unrest from getting out, the pictures of the proceedings have come mainly from intrepid protestors who have used cell phone cameras and small, concealed digital cameras and gotten a shot or two in without having the police spot them. Because of the government ban on reporting about what’s actually going on, there are conflicting reports about what went down Saturday. Some bloggers claimed that a suicide bombing had led to two fatalities, while others reported an explosion but no deaths. I don’t know exactly what transpired, but what I do know is that protestors bravely defied The Man, stood tall against lines of black-clad police three deep and fought back. The Iranian government should probably be clueing into the fact that they cannot silence these people and that their sham of an election to keep their dictator in power is viewed as illegitimate and unacceptable by everyone but them. Opposition leader and presidential candidate Mir-Hossein Mousavi is leading this charge and he is inspiring his followers to riot, which makes him a great leader in my book. Better still, he completely ignored the ultimatum issued b Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, who sternly commanded that Mousavi and others call off demonstrations or risk being held responsible for "bloodshed, violence and rioting.” Acting as a loyal stooge for The Man, police commander Gen. Esmaeil Ahmadi Moghadam said more than a week of unrest and marches had become "exhausting, bothersome and intolerable” and threatened a more "serious confrontation" if protesters returned. Sorry that revolution and the demand for a fair election are “bothersome” for you, E. My man, bothersome is having a tiny bit of milk in the fridge but not enough for your cereal or to drink. That’s bothersome, but the riots and marches you are so opposed to are better described as awesome………
- Sitting around wolfing down your favorite flavor of Nestle Toll House cookie dough product as you read this? If so, I’m going to stop for a minute so you can put the cookie dough down, get some Ipacac and flush out the contents of your digestive system because Nestle has voluntarily recalled its refrigerated Toll House cookie dough products and warned consumers not to eat raw Toll House cookie dough due to fears about possible E. coli contamination. The E. coli scare has now reached more than two dozen states and although health officials are not 100 percent certain that Toll House cookie dough is to blame, Nestle is looking to get out ahead of this because many of the people sick ate the raw cookie dough. If there is one common denominator and more than 60 people have fallen ill so far in 28 states, I’d say that’s a smart move. “While the E. coli strain implicated in this investigation has not been detected in our product, the health and safety of our consumers is paramount so we are initiating this voluntary recall," Nestle said in a statement. “Consumers who have purchased these products should not consume them. Instead, we are asking that consumers return these products to their local grocer for a full refund.” Never mind the warning on all Nestle packaging that advises people not eat raw cookie dough; Nestle is smart enough to know that a lot of FAT, sweet-toothed losers out there will do it anyhow. In warning people to cease and desist eating their possibly toxic cookie dough, Nestle did stressed that its other products are OK to eat -- including its pre-baked cookies, chocolate chips, cocoa and ice cream made by Dreyer's and Edy's that contain cookie dough. The U.S. Food and Drug Administration also jumped on board with the recall, releasing a statement advising consumers to deposit any of the affected products directly into the trash. “Cooking the dough is not recommended because consumers might get the bacteria on their hands and on other cooking surfaces,” the FDA statement said. Done and done……..
- There are good points and bad points to “The Proposal,” the new chick flick, er, romantic comedy starring Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. The positives…..umm, it doesn’t totally suck. However, it’s extremely unoriginal, at times exceptionally bland and overall not worth the price of admission. Bullock is hard-working, hard-driving New York book editor Margaret, who is demanding and seemingly loathed by everyone in her life. Reynolds is Andrew, her executive assistant who takes all of her crap and smiles because he sees it as a sort of “welcome to the publishing world” experience. Yes, it’s the retread story of a guy and a girl who seem to hate each other, yet gradually the ice melts and they realize that they actually love one another. We’ve seen this story for decades on television, in movies and even on Broadway. So how do these two love-blind idiots finally come together? What is their magical epiphany? It’s none other than the tried-and-true visa problems plot twist. See, Margaret is Canadian and with her visa expired, she faces deportation and makes the snap decision to marry Andrew in a green-card wedding. Of course, Andrew has a choice: accept the “marriage” proposal or lose his job. Never mind the fact that he could simply sue for sexual harassment, because logic has no place in these things. So he accepts and they pose as a couple, with another predictable plot development coming when they go to visit his family in Alaska. I think this was supposed to be the funny part of the movie, but it was so predictable that I forgot to laugh. Bullock and Reynolds both do a decent job in their roles, but the plot is so blasé that they can't overcome it. The producers attempt to pump up the comedy with eccentric characters from Andrew’s family, including Oscar Nunez from "The Office” and Betty White, but to no avail. The bottom line on this one is that if your girlfriend, fiancée, wife, etc. drags you to see this movie, you won't want to slam your head in the car door immediately after the opening scene. Of course, you’ll still be bored to death for the better part of two hours, but it could be worse…….
Saturday, June 20, 2009
A kindred spirit for Bernie Madoff, super news for Grey's Anatomy fans and a court in Minnesota strikes a blow against the little guy
- I’ll be bluntly honest: I don’t download musically illegally (hear that, FBI?), but in cases involving the government and/or record companies going after people who do so, I’ll always land on the side of the little guy. Just because I don’t “break the law” by downloading songs via Lime Wire or like programs doesn’t mean I don’t sympathize with those who do, people like Jammie Thomas-Rasset of Minnesota. For more than three years, the Recording Industry Association of America has been persecuting Thomas-Rasset and looking to make her pay because she dared to illegally download a whopping 24 songs. I feel just terrible for this woman, and not only because an idiotic federal jury Thursday found her guilty of illegally downloading music and fined her $80,000 per songs -- a total of $1.9 million -- for the 24 songs This was the first such copyright infringement case to go to trial in the United States and clearly, juries are going to need to learn how to decide these cases better. So having nearly $2 million in fines levied against her is one reason to feel bad for Thomas-Rasset, but it’s far from the only one. If you take a look at the music she downloaded and was fined for, it’s clear that Thomas-Rasset also deserves all of our deepest sympathies for her atrocious taste in music. Among the artists she was pinched for downloading illegally are No Doubt, Gloria Estefan and Sheryl Crow. When Sheryl Crow is the least offensive and awful artist in any group, that’s a bad sign. Seriously, Gloria Estefan? What is this, 2009 or 1989? Even in 1989, Estefan was terrible amongst a litany of terrible ‘80s music acts. As for the case itself, I agree with Thomas-Rasset’s attorney, Joe Sibley, who said that his client was shocked at the fine, noting that the price tag on the songs she downloaded was 99 cents. She plans to appeal, which is probably a good call because there’s no way she has the money to pay that fine. Thomas-Rasset is married with four children and works for an Indian tribe in Minnesota, which I’m guessing is not a high-paying gig. What’s even more offensive is that in the first trial, a jury granted just $220,000 to the recording companies before the judge ordered a retrial in 2007 after there was an error in the wording of jury instructions. A semantic error costs this chick $1.7 million? Wow. Plus, we have to hear the smug response of the RIAA as it celebrates over a verdict it doesn’t deserve and doesn’t need the money from. "We appreciate the jury's service and that they take this as seriously as we do," RIAA spokeswoman Cara Duckworth said. She added that the association was "pleased that the jury agreed with the evidence and found the defendant liable.” Clearly both of you take things far too seriously, C. Stop holding the common man down and stop acting like what Jammie Thomas-Rasset and people like her do is a crime on the level of murder……..
- So what to do when you’re a Division I college football player at a major university and are looking to make use of your extra free time over the summer? Do you lock yourself in the weight room and look to bulk up for the upcoming season to earn or keep a starting job? Maybe you decide to take a few classes because you can’t handle a huge course load during the year on account of football taking up so much of your time. Or you can always get drunk, hop on your moped and get arrested by the police for drunk driving. That last option is the one that University of Iowa offensive tackle Kyle Calloway chose and because of that choice, he will be suspended for a game this fall and be required to complete counseling and extensive community service. Iowa coach Kirk Ferentz announced the punishment after police arrested Calloway early Saturday morning and charged him with operating a vehicle while intoxicated. Calloway was arrested after officers stopped him while driving his moped into a barricaded area. When they hit him with a field sobriety and a breathalyzer test, he registered a blood-alcohol content of 0.106. As with every other state in the union, the legal limit in Iowa is 0.08. “I was very disappointed to learn of Kyle's poor judgment," Ferentz said in a statement. "Kyle will be expected to complete counseling and educational requirements, extensive community service obligations and game suspension prior to returning to the field.” Thanks for that, coach, and for handing down a very severe one-game suspension for the season opener against Division 1-AA Northern Iowa. But hey, at least Calloway cooperated with police and acknowledged he drank seven or eight beers, so he didn’t get Tasered for being belligerent while drunk. Still, you know you’re a D-1 lineman if you pound eight beers over the course of a few hours and you’re only at 0.106. Way to make use of your free time in the summer, Kyle Calloway, very impressive…….
- Good news for you, women ages 18-49! No, Matthew McConaughey isn’t coming to your home to work in the yard while shirtless. Rather, ABC has announced that Katherine Heigl will return to Grey's Anatomy for Season 6, and that lightning rod of controversy T.R. Knight will not be back. There had been rampant speculation on Heigl's future with the show after her character, Izzie Stevens, was diagnosed with stage IV metastatic brain cancer and appeared to flat-line in the season-finale episode. She too drummed up some controversy last June when she made statements about her Emmy worthiness that appeared to cast aspersion on the show’s writing staff. Industry observers and busybodies speculated in the months following Heigl’s comments that show creator Shonda Rhimes would get some "payback" by killing off Izzie from the show. Those rumors of Izzie’s demise were clearly exaggerated and for that, I’m sure all Grey’s fans are grateful….unless Izzie is one of the characters on the show that people don’t like. I honestly have no idea because I’ve never had any interest in watching it, but for those who do, I hope the return of Katherine Heigl makes Season 6 that much better for you…….
- Good choice, officials in New Mexico. With every government entity and business across the country feeling the economic crush of our ongoing recession, it is reassuring to see you being so fiscally responsible. Deciding to begin construction of the world's first facility for space tourists is clearly a solid use of tax dollars. Nearly $200 million will be poured into the building of Spaceport America, all of which will be funded by the state. New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson hosted a groundbreaking ceremony Friday and talked about what a momentous day this was for all New Mexicans. "New Mexicans have stepped up to the plate by making this investment," Richardson said. "This groundbreaking ceremony is an important step toward our goal of being at the forefront of a vibrant, new commercial space industry." Commercial space industry, that’s what you’re hanging your hat on? This entire project is basically for one man: British business magnate Richard Branson, whose Virgin Galactic will begin taking tourists to space from the facility. Flights are expected to start in 2010 and Branson has said that he has a list of 45,000 people from 120 countries who have registered to take the space trips. In other words, there are allegedly a lot of people willing to pay $200,000 for a ride to outer space. The spaceship will be connected to a specially designed carrier aircraft that will take it to about 50,000 feet, according to Virgin Galactic. The aircraft will release the spaceship, which will then use rockets to propel itself into space. For that $200 million investment, Spaceport America will host exactly one flight to space per week, with six tourists aboard each flight. I suppose that I could be totally wrong and this could be an incredibly sound investment that is in no way destined to fail, but I just have this sneaking suspicion that the people of New Mexico are going to regret this and wish they had spent the money on something like roads or schools……..
- I think in the back of our minds, we all know that no one would ever eclipse the immortal Bernie Madoff as a con artist and ripper-offer-of-investors. However, I don’t think that should cause any of us should to not appreciate billionaire financier Robert Allen Stanford, because he clearly is the closest person in recent memory to being every bit the reprehensible douche bag that Madoff is. Stanford has been indicted on charges of criminal conspiracy to commit mail, wire and securities fraud, actions that earned his company an estimated $7 billion. Stanford Group Co. made a healthy profit off its CEO’s bogus business practices, but those practices have come to an end now that Stanford has turned himself in to federal authorities in Virginia. Federal prosecutors touched him up with a 21-count indictment filled with a long list of criminal charges for a long series of alleged frauds. He has good company, though; three other Stanford Group executives and a former Antiguan official also are charged in the indictment. “Stanford and his co-defendants engaged in a scheme to defraud investors who purchased approximately $7 billion in certificates of deposit, CDs, administered by Stanford International Bank Ltd.,” said Lanny A. Breuer, assistant attorney general for the Department of Justice's criminal division. What does a company do with $7 billion forked over for fraudulent investments? According to the indictment, Stanford and his co-defendants allegedly misused and misappropriated most of those investment assets, including diverting at least $1.6 billion into undisclosed personal loans to Stanford himself. Yes, you read that right: $1.6 billion in personal loans. I don’t know how many private jets and vacation homes that $1.6 billion can buy, but hearing how Stanford managed to blow that much money should be fascinating. Props also go to Stanford Group executives Laura Pendergest-Holt (representing the ladies), the chief investment officer, and Gilberto Lopez, the chief accounting officer; as well as Mark Kuhrt, who was the global controller for Stanford Financial Group Global Management, an affiliate of Stanford Group Co. And because no conspiracy to defraud investors of billions of dollars is complete without a government official, Leroy King, the former chief executive for Antigua's Financial Services Regulatory Commission, is also charged. To be fair to Stanford, he maintains his innocence in all of this. To be fair to the feds, they typically don’t indict unless they have an airtight case, so Stanford is probably screwed. He’ll be even more screwed when his co-defendants roll on him and agree to testify against him at trial for lessened sentences. But hey, he can hang his hat on being an even bigger piece of crap than everyone outside of Bernie Madoff, so there’s something to celebrate…..
- So what to do when you’re a Division I college football player at a major university and are looking to make use of your extra free time over the summer? Do you lock yourself in the weight room and look to bulk up for the upcoming season to earn or keep a starting job? Maybe you decide to take a few classes because you can’t handle a huge course load during the year on account of football taking up so much of your time. Or you can always get drunk, hop on your moped and get arrested by the police for drunk driving. That last option is the one that University of Iowa offensive tackle Kyle Calloway chose and because of that choice, he will be suspended for a game this fall and be required to complete counseling and extensive community service. Iowa coach Kirk Ferentz announced the punishment after police arrested Calloway early Saturday morning and charged him with operating a vehicle while intoxicated. Calloway was arrested after officers stopped him while driving his moped into a barricaded area. When they hit him with a field sobriety and a breathalyzer test, he registered a blood-alcohol content of 0.106. As with every other state in the union, the legal limit in Iowa is 0.08. “I was very disappointed to learn of Kyle's poor judgment," Ferentz said in a statement. "Kyle will be expected to complete counseling and educational requirements, extensive community service obligations and game suspension prior to returning to the field.” Thanks for that, coach, and for handing down a very severe one-game suspension for the season opener against Division 1-AA Northern Iowa. But hey, at least Calloway cooperated with police and acknowledged he drank seven or eight beers, so he didn’t get Tasered for being belligerent while drunk. Still, you know you’re a D-1 lineman if you pound eight beers over the course of a few hours and you’re only at 0.106. Way to make use of your free time in the summer, Kyle Calloway, very impressive…….
- Good news for you, women ages 18-49! No, Matthew McConaughey isn’t coming to your home to work in the yard while shirtless. Rather, ABC has announced that Katherine Heigl will return to Grey's Anatomy for Season 6, and that lightning rod of controversy T.R. Knight will not be back. There had been rampant speculation on Heigl's future with the show after her character, Izzie Stevens, was diagnosed with stage IV metastatic brain cancer and appeared to flat-line in the season-finale episode. She too drummed up some controversy last June when she made statements about her Emmy worthiness that appeared to cast aspersion on the show’s writing staff. Industry observers and busybodies speculated in the months following Heigl’s comments that show creator Shonda Rhimes would get some "payback" by killing off Izzie from the show. Those rumors of Izzie’s demise were clearly exaggerated and for that, I’m sure all Grey’s fans are grateful….unless Izzie is one of the characters on the show that people don’t like. I honestly have no idea because I’ve never had any interest in watching it, but for those who do, I hope the return of Katherine Heigl makes Season 6 that much better for you…….
- Good choice, officials in New Mexico. With every government entity and business across the country feeling the economic crush of our ongoing recession, it is reassuring to see you being so fiscally responsible. Deciding to begin construction of the world's first facility for space tourists is clearly a solid use of tax dollars. Nearly $200 million will be poured into the building of Spaceport America, all of which will be funded by the state. New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson hosted a groundbreaking ceremony Friday and talked about what a momentous day this was for all New Mexicans. "New Mexicans have stepped up to the plate by making this investment," Richardson said. "This groundbreaking ceremony is an important step toward our goal of being at the forefront of a vibrant, new commercial space industry." Commercial space industry, that’s what you’re hanging your hat on? This entire project is basically for one man: British business magnate Richard Branson, whose Virgin Galactic will begin taking tourists to space from the facility. Flights are expected to start in 2010 and Branson has said that he has a list of 45,000 people from 120 countries who have registered to take the space trips. In other words, there are allegedly a lot of people willing to pay $200,000 for a ride to outer space. The spaceship will be connected to a specially designed carrier aircraft that will take it to about 50,000 feet, according to Virgin Galactic. The aircraft will release the spaceship, which will then use rockets to propel itself into space. For that $200 million investment, Spaceport America will host exactly one flight to space per week, with six tourists aboard each flight. I suppose that I could be totally wrong and this could be an incredibly sound investment that is in no way destined to fail, but I just have this sneaking suspicion that the people of New Mexico are going to regret this and wish they had spent the money on something like roads or schools……..
- I think in the back of our minds, we all know that no one would ever eclipse the immortal Bernie Madoff as a con artist and ripper-offer-of-investors. However, I don’t think that should cause any of us should to not appreciate billionaire financier Robert Allen Stanford, because he clearly is the closest person in recent memory to being every bit the reprehensible douche bag that Madoff is. Stanford has been indicted on charges of criminal conspiracy to commit mail, wire and securities fraud, actions that earned his company an estimated $7 billion. Stanford Group Co. made a healthy profit off its CEO’s bogus business practices, but those practices have come to an end now that Stanford has turned himself in to federal authorities in Virginia. Federal prosecutors touched him up with a 21-count indictment filled with a long list of criminal charges for a long series of alleged frauds. He has good company, though; three other Stanford Group executives and a former Antiguan official also are charged in the indictment. “Stanford and his co-defendants engaged in a scheme to defraud investors who purchased approximately $7 billion in certificates of deposit, CDs, administered by Stanford International Bank Ltd.,” said Lanny A. Breuer, assistant attorney general for the Department of Justice's criminal division. What does a company do with $7 billion forked over for fraudulent investments? According to the indictment, Stanford and his co-defendants allegedly misused and misappropriated most of those investment assets, including diverting at least $1.6 billion into undisclosed personal loans to Stanford himself. Yes, you read that right: $1.6 billion in personal loans. I don’t know how many private jets and vacation homes that $1.6 billion can buy, but hearing how Stanford managed to blow that much money should be fascinating. Props also go to Stanford Group executives Laura Pendergest-Holt (representing the ladies), the chief investment officer, and Gilberto Lopez, the chief accounting officer; as well as Mark Kuhrt, who was the global controller for Stanford Financial Group Global Management, an affiliate of Stanford Group Co. And because no conspiracy to defraud investors of billions of dollars is complete without a government official, Leroy King, the former chief executive for Antigua's Financial Services Regulatory Commission, is also charged. To be fair to Stanford, he maintains his innocence in all of this. To be fair to the feds, they typically don’t indict unless they have an airtight case, so Stanford is probably screwed. He’ll be even more screwed when his co-defendants roll on him and agree to testify against him at trial for lessened sentences. But hey, he can hang his hat on being an even bigger piece of crap than everyone outside of Bernie Madoff, so there’s something to celebrate…..
Friday, June 19, 2009
Twitter giving a voice to morons, justice for Donte Stallworth from at least one direction and Iran's ayatollah ain't happy
- It might not be what Donte Stallworth deserves, but at least someone with authority over him is going to dish out an appropriate punishment for him getting drunk, getting behind the wheel and killing a guy who was just crossing the street to catch a bus home from work in Miami Beach. The legal system might have whiffed on the case and let Stallworth off the hook with a 30-day jail sentence, revocation of his driver’s license and a few years probation, but NFL commissioner Roger Goodell is showing that he understands the seriousness of Stallworth’s offense. Goodell has suspended Stallworth indefinitely, a tactic also used on strip club rain-maker and police favorite Pacman Jones during his last run of disciplinary troubles with the NFL. Basically, Stallworth is suspended until the commissioner feels that he has been sufficiently punished for his crime, has learned his lesson and has truly changed. By all accounts, it’s all but certain to be a minimum of one season and could be more. Goodell won't meet with Stallworth until after his jail time is served, which is actually just about to happen. Once Stallworth spends his time in the hole, he’ll sit down with the commish and hear firsthand what an idiot he is. It’s a bad omen for Stallworth that Goodell has already called his actions “indefensible” and stated that he wants to use the incident to reinforce the unacceptability of drunk driving to all league personnel, players and otherwise. That tells me that he’s planning to make an example out of Stallworth and that means a lengthy suspension. Personally I’m thrilled to see it because Stallworth basically bought his way out of jail time by reaching a hefty financial settlement with the family of his victim. The courts may have given him a lenient sentence because he was a wealthy professional athlete with the resources to buy off, er, compensate the victim’s family, but thankfully Roger Goodell isn’t swayed by that settlement and plans to keep D. Stallworth off the field for a long time…..
- Uh-oh! The Ayatollah isn’t happy and now the people of Iran are being threatened by their supreme leader to cut out the rioting and protests of the country’s fraudulent election - or else. Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei is warning the thousands of people who have been protesting last week's presidential vote to maintain self-restraint or face a stiff reaction from authorities. Right, because they’re just going to roll over and quit after six days chocked fill of riots, protests and demonstrations because they believe their president rigged an election to maintain his Vulcan death grip of power over the country. The Ayatollah (of Rock and Roll-ah?) has decided that the election was on the up-and-up, but members of the opposition are equally certain that it was not and they’ve staged noisy demonstrations every day since the election to protest what they believe was a rigged election. The supreme leader declared last week's presidential election a "definitive victory" for President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and dismissed any claims of vote rigging. “Any extremist move will fan up another extremist move,” said Khamenei. "If the political elite want to ignore law and break the law and take wrong measures which are harmful willy nilly, they will be held accountable for all the violence and blood and rioting." Willy nilly? How the frak does someone who calls himself the supreme leader of any country use the term willy nilly? Who’s your grammatical role model, W.? Also, stop urging those claiming corruption to settle for a vote recount that they would not be allowed to witness and which would be rigged, er, end up with the same result as the first vote. In other words, let them riot. Maybe the Guardian Council, which supervises the country's elections, will be influenced by the riots when they meet on Saturday. Thankfully, opposition groups have planned plenty more riots/protests tomorrow, one for each opposition candidate in the election. It should also be noted that Khamenei is trying to hang his hat on the 85 percent voter turnout of about 40 million people as the real story, but no one is buying that. He may feel that critics "wanted to indicate that as a doubtful victory; some even wanted to show that this is a national defeat. They wanted to give you bad taste in the mouth," but the only ones giving people a bad taste in their mouths are Ahmadinejad and his vote-riggers, er, administration officials and cohorts……
- When presiding over an underachieving school that doesn’t quite measure up to government standards, school officials face some tough choices. On the one hand, they could view the lackluster test scores of their students on standardized tests as an indictment of the school and take the necessary steps to up the level of education those students are receiving. Or, you could put the blame on the testing system itself, cite fundamental flaws in the way the test is structured and administered and demand that the state change on its end of the process. A third, less popular option is to do what a former Atlanta-area principal and assistant principal did when their students bombed out on standardized tests: score-fixing. Former Atherton Elementary principal James Berry and assistant principal Doretha Alexander were arrested Friday in connection with an investigation into whether student test scores were altered to improve school performance. They face charges of altering public documents, charges that stem from an audit that found a high number of eraser marks on tests from four Georgia schools, including Atherton. Hmm, eraser marks all over tests in high numbers? Tell me more. According to state officials, the higher scores helped the schools meet federal standards. But how much could changing the answers on tests really….wait, what’s that? The state said the scores improved significantly by the changes? Oh. And just how many answers were altered, you might ask. Well, the state found on average, answers were altered 21 times per student, the majority of the changes making them correct. The majority? What, did those altering the tests purposely get a few wrong just to make it appear that the changes were made by students and not by self-serving administrators looking to make themselves look better, or were the people fixing the answers just not that much smarter than the elementary school students they teach? To be fair, Atherton isn’t the only school being put under the microscope for alleged cheating. Other metro Atlanta schools being investigated are Deerwood Academy in Atlanta, and Parklane Elementary in Fulton County. As for the Atherton crew, Berry resigned last week, while Alexander was reassigned by district officials. The test they are accused of rigging is the 5th grade CRCT math re-test. I’m no expert in 5th grade math tests, but if your students are doing that poorly on it, perhaps it’s time to put down the eraser, stop fixing their answers and do a better job of teaching them…….not teaching them how to cheat, just teaching them……..
- So what to do when the biggest day of your life is coming up quickly and there just isn’t enough money for the wedding of your dreams? I think the first answer that comes to all of our minds, if we’re honest, is to whore out the big day for advertisitg dollars. Okay, so using the term “whoring” in conjunction with a wedding story might not be the most tasteful move, but it’s an obvious link in my mind. Stacey Libby and Jim MacNevin of Keene, N.H. are preparing for their wedding and knowing that ceremonies and receptions can cost thousands of dollars, Libby decided to turn to that most dignified, classy of all online auction sites, eBay, to ease the financial burden. In order to have the fairy tale wedding she's always dreamed of, Libby decided to try to get a sponsor and is letting people bid on the rights to her day. Better still, she did this without telling MacNevin about what she was up to. “He didn't even know about it until you (a reporter) called, and I was, like, 'Oh well, just so you know, I put our wedding on eBay,'" Libby said. So what, you were just going to let him go pick up his tux and see the “Kuality Kar Care” logo on the back, make it to the reception and see the giant Gatorade cooler and the Sony baseball cap he was to wear and find out then? Libby should be thankful that she has an understanding fiancé, because MacNevin is actually cool with the choice to sell out. "Anything goes for me," he said. "As long as she's happy, it doesn't matter." As for Libby, she does have her standars for the wedding, even as a shameless sellout. Whether a business pays for all or part of the wedding, Libby will pick the colors for the wedding and also her dress. "I'm not willing for someone to say, 'Wear this dress made out of recycled bottles,'" she said. "I'm not sure I want to go that far." Why not? You’ve already bid farewell to your dignity and self-respect by pimping out your big day for advertising dollars, so go all the way. Look, I’m happy that you two are enjoying your big day together after having an on-again, off-again relationship ever since high school. After apart for seven years, these two found their way back to one another and that’s awesome. However, I think that toning down your wedding plans and making it affordable without a sponsor is a better call. That way, you not only have a new life with the person you love, but also your integrity and dignity……..
- Part of the fun with Twitter is how the technology allows people who aren’t that bright to have a public forum in which to hang themselves, metaphorically speaking, with their own stupidity. Give an idiot a place to speak his or her mind and you never know what sort of profoundly idiotic wisdom you will hear. Take Mukilteo (Wash.) city council member Jennifer Gregerson, who loves using her iPhone to message on Twitter about both her personal life and the business of the council. For the most part, her tweets are mundane and uninteresting, so much so that she may actually have a negative number of followers. However, Gregerson managed to put herself into some deep sh*t with a recent post about how the Mukilteo City Council conducts official business. During a city council meeting on a controversial plan to annex 11,500 residents living south of the city limits, Gregerson sent out over two dozen tweets on the proceedings. No word on whether she actually took part in the proceedings or just sent out Twitter updates all meeting long, but hopefully she managed to chime in once or twice. The problem didn’t actually come from any of her in-meeting tweets, but rather something she posted after the meeting. "City staff and some council now Debriefing and relaxing at ivars for late night happy hour. Time for dinner, I think!" Gregerson wrote. So where’s the problem? Well, key in on the word "Debriefing." See, “Debriefing” among four city council members constitutes a quorum, i.e. an official meeting. As such, it would fall under the purview of the state’s Open Meetings Act, which forbids elected officials from discussing business in a meeting that’s not open to the public. Now I don’t know what sort of establisment “ivars” is, but how do we know it’s not open to the public? Maybe Gregerson and her council compadres stood up and announced to the other patrons what they were doing and invited them to join in. We know that at least one Mukilteo resident Christine knew what was going on, because Awad Schmalz saw the four council members there and she’s filing a formal complaint. “I've lived in other cities in the U.S. and I've never seen anything quite so blatant as sitting in your local restaurant one goes and sitting there like that,” said Awad Schmalz. Another council member, Kevin Stoltz, walked into the Ivar’s, saw the gathering and immediately left. “I am concerned by it because I think, as elected officials, we have a duty not to project a perception that we're conducting the city's business behind closed doors,” said Stoltz. But there were no closed doors! For her part, Gregerson tried to explain that she simply used a poor choice of words and that no official business was dealt with at the meal. “It probably would have been to say decompress or say that we were relaxing,” she explained. She went on to say that she made sure no more than two council members sat next to each other at the table, which I’m sure clears everything up. Either way, the state Attorney General’s office is investigating. Like I said, if nothing else, Twitter is making our lives more interesting by giving open forums to morons who can’t help but hang themselves with the rope they’re being given………
- Uh-oh! The Ayatollah isn’t happy and now the people of Iran are being threatened by their supreme leader to cut out the rioting and protests of the country’s fraudulent election - or else. Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei is warning the thousands of people who have been protesting last week's presidential vote to maintain self-restraint or face a stiff reaction from authorities. Right, because they’re just going to roll over and quit after six days chocked fill of riots, protests and demonstrations because they believe their president rigged an election to maintain his Vulcan death grip of power over the country. The Ayatollah (of Rock and Roll-ah?) has decided that the election was on the up-and-up, but members of the opposition are equally certain that it was not and they’ve staged noisy demonstrations every day since the election to protest what they believe was a rigged election. The supreme leader declared last week's presidential election a "definitive victory" for President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and dismissed any claims of vote rigging. “Any extremist move will fan up another extremist move,” said Khamenei. "If the political elite want to ignore law and break the law and take wrong measures which are harmful willy nilly, they will be held accountable for all the violence and blood and rioting." Willy nilly? How the frak does someone who calls himself the supreme leader of any country use the term willy nilly? Who’s your grammatical role model, W.? Also, stop urging those claiming corruption to settle for a vote recount that they would not be allowed to witness and which would be rigged, er, end up with the same result as the first vote. In other words, let them riot. Maybe the Guardian Council, which supervises the country's elections, will be influenced by the riots when they meet on Saturday. Thankfully, opposition groups have planned plenty more riots/protests tomorrow, one for each opposition candidate in the election. It should also be noted that Khamenei is trying to hang his hat on the 85 percent voter turnout of about 40 million people as the real story, but no one is buying that. He may feel that critics "wanted to indicate that as a doubtful victory; some even wanted to show that this is a national defeat. They wanted to give you bad taste in the mouth," but the only ones giving people a bad taste in their mouths are Ahmadinejad and his vote-riggers, er, administration officials and cohorts……
- When presiding over an underachieving school that doesn’t quite measure up to government standards, school officials face some tough choices. On the one hand, they could view the lackluster test scores of their students on standardized tests as an indictment of the school and take the necessary steps to up the level of education those students are receiving. Or, you could put the blame on the testing system itself, cite fundamental flaws in the way the test is structured and administered and demand that the state change on its end of the process. A third, less popular option is to do what a former Atlanta-area principal and assistant principal did when their students bombed out on standardized tests: score-fixing. Former Atherton Elementary principal James Berry and assistant principal Doretha Alexander were arrested Friday in connection with an investigation into whether student test scores were altered to improve school performance. They face charges of altering public documents, charges that stem from an audit that found a high number of eraser marks on tests from four Georgia schools, including Atherton. Hmm, eraser marks all over tests in high numbers? Tell me more. According to state officials, the higher scores helped the schools meet federal standards. But how much could changing the answers on tests really….wait, what’s that? The state said the scores improved significantly by the changes? Oh. And just how many answers were altered, you might ask. Well, the state found on average, answers were altered 21 times per student, the majority of the changes making them correct. The majority? What, did those altering the tests purposely get a few wrong just to make it appear that the changes were made by students and not by self-serving administrators looking to make themselves look better, or were the people fixing the answers just not that much smarter than the elementary school students they teach? To be fair, Atherton isn’t the only school being put under the microscope for alleged cheating. Other metro Atlanta schools being investigated are Deerwood Academy in Atlanta, and Parklane Elementary in Fulton County. As for the Atherton crew, Berry resigned last week, while Alexander was reassigned by district officials. The test they are accused of rigging is the 5th grade CRCT math re-test. I’m no expert in 5th grade math tests, but if your students are doing that poorly on it, perhaps it’s time to put down the eraser, stop fixing their answers and do a better job of teaching them…….not teaching them how to cheat, just teaching them……..
- So what to do when the biggest day of your life is coming up quickly and there just isn’t enough money for the wedding of your dreams? I think the first answer that comes to all of our minds, if we’re honest, is to whore out the big day for advertisitg dollars. Okay, so using the term “whoring” in conjunction with a wedding story might not be the most tasteful move, but it’s an obvious link in my mind. Stacey Libby and Jim MacNevin of Keene, N.H. are preparing for their wedding and knowing that ceremonies and receptions can cost thousands of dollars, Libby decided to turn to that most dignified, classy of all online auction sites, eBay, to ease the financial burden. In order to have the fairy tale wedding she's always dreamed of, Libby decided to try to get a sponsor and is letting people bid on the rights to her day. Better still, she did this without telling MacNevin about what she was up to. “He didn't even know about it until you (a reporter) called, and I was, like, 'Oh well, just so you know, I put our wedding on eBay,'" Libby said. So what, you were just going to let him go pick up his tux and see the “Kuality Kar Care” logo on the back, make it to the reception and see the giant Gatorade cooler and the Sony baseball cap he was to wear and find out then? Libby should be thankful that she has an understanding fiancé, because MacNevin is actually cool with the choice to sell out. "Anything goes for me," he said. "As long as she's happy, it doesn't matter." As for Libby, she does have her standars for the wedding, even as a shameless sellout. Whether a business pays for all or part of the wedding, Libby will pick the colors for the wedding and also her dress. "I'm not willing for someone to say, 'Wear this dress made out of recycled bottles,'" she said. "I'm not sure I want to go that far." Why not? You’ve already bid farewell to your dignity and self-respect by pimping out your big day for advertising dollars, so go all the way. Look, I’m happy that you two are enjoying your big day together after having an on-again, off-again relationship ever since high school. After apart for seven years, these two found their way back to one another and that’s awesome. However, I think that toning down your wedding plans and making it affordable without a sponsor is a better call. That way, you not only have a new life with the person you love, but also your integrity and dignity……..
- Part of the fun with Twitter is how the technology allows people who aren’t that bright to have a public forum in which to hang themselves, metaphorically speaking, with their own stupidity. Give an idiot a place to speak his or her mind and you never know what sort of profoundly idiotic wisdom you will hear. Take Mukilteo (Wash.) city council member Jennifer Gregerson, who loves using her iPhone to message on Twitter about both her personal life and the business of the council. For the most part, her tweets are mundane and uninteresting, so much so that she may actually have a negative number of followers. However, Gregerson managed to put herself into some deep sh*t with a recent post about how the Mukilteo City Council conducts official business. During a city council meeting on a controversial plan to annex 11,500 residents living south of the city limits, Gregerson sent out over two dozen tweets on the proceedings. No word on whether she actually took part in the proceedings or just sent out Twitter updates all meeting long, but hopefully she managed to chime in once or twice. The problem didn’t actually come from any of her in-meeting tweets, but rather something she posted after the meeting. "City staff and some council now Debriefing and relaxing at ivars for late night happy hour. Time for dinner, I think!" Gregerson wrote. So where’s the problem? Well, key in on the word "Debriefing." See, “Debriefing” among four city council members constitutes a quorum, i.e. an official meeting. As such, it would fall under the purview of the state’s Open Meetings Act, which forbids elected officials from discussing business in a meeting that’s not open to the public. Now I don’t know what sort of establisment “ivars” is, but how do we know it’s not open to the public? Maybe Gregerson and her council compadres stood up and announced to the other patrons what they were doing and invited them to join in. We know that at least one Mukilteo resident Christine knew what was going on, because Awad Schmalz saw the four council members there and she’s filing a formal complaint. “I've lived in other cities in the U.S. and I've never seen anything quite so blatant as sitting in your local restaurant one goes and sitting there like that,” said Awad Schmalz. Another council member, Kevin Stoltz, walked into the Ivar’s, saw the gathering and immediately left. “I am concerned by it because I think, as elected officials, we have a duty not to project a perception that we're conducting the city's business behind closed doors,” said Stoltz. But there were no closed doors! For her part, Gregerson tried to explain that she simply used a poor choice of words and that no official business was dealt with at the meal. “It probably would have been to say decompress or say that we were relaxing,” she explained. She went on to say that she made sure no more than two council members sat next to each other at the table, which I’m sure clears everything up. Either way, the state Attorney General’s office is investigating. Like I said, if nothing else, Twitter is making our lives more interesting by giving open forums to morons who can’t help but hang themselves with the rope they’re being given………
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Trying to corner the smartphone market, places not to hide your coke and a former champion mountain biker who REALLY likes to bake
- Here’s the thing about getting caught with more than 200 pounds of pot in your vehicle: there’s not much doubt as to what you’re up to. Compound that with the fact that police seized another 200 or so pounds of the hippie lettuce from your boyfriend’s home and the fact that you’re a drug dealer is more or less confirmed. That the stoner/pot dealer in question is a former mountain biking world champion is not at all surprising. What, because someone who competed in an X-Games-type sport being a confirmed pot head is so stunning? Meet Melissa "Missy" Giove, who was arrested Tuesday on federal drug charges after authorities seized marijuana from a truck she was driving in upstate New York. Giove, of Chesapeake, Va., and 30-year-old Eric Canori of Wilton, N.Y. were charged with conspiring to possess and distribute more than 100 kilograms of marijuana. All told, police seized nearly 400 pounds of pot from the truck and from Canori's home outside Saratoga Springs, 25 miles north of Albany. What, you’re saying that they weren’t going to smoke all of that themselves? Was there no stash of 5,000 bags of Cheetos and every episode of Planet Earth on DVD also at the home? Maybe they were going to hunker down with their favorite bongs, get stoned and stay that way - for the next 50 years. U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration officials and the U.S. Marshals teamed up for the bust after they learned of Giove and Canori's plans last weekend when Illinois State Police pulled over a woman driving a truck and trailer loaded with about 220 pounds of marijuana. As always, when a stoner gets pinched by the cops, they’re looking to roll on anyone and everyone the can in order to receive leniency from the prosecutor. To ensnare Giove and Canori, authorities completed the delivery to the Albany area, where Mulvey said Giove picked up the vehicle and trailer. Clearly these two aren’t the brightest criminals, because
if they had bothered to scope out the pickup point, I’m guessing some crummy self-storage facility, they might have seen a lot of unmarked vans and suspicious-looking people lurking nearby. But they didn’t pick up on any of that and after Giove picked up the truckload of pot, drove north and followed Canori to his home, the police were right behind them. They watched from a distance as some of the trailer's contents were unloaded, then arrested Giove was later on at nearby Saratoga Lake. A search of Canori's home turned up more than 150 pounds of pot and more than $1 million in cash stashed in a closet and the basement, further cementing the case against these two lovers of the chronic. So for those of you who have been constantly asking what Melissa "The Missile"Giove has been up to since she was the downhill world champion in 1994 and won World Cup season titles in '97 and '98, then retired from downhill racing in 2003, you have your answer. She’s been getting baked, distributing pot and now will be heading off for a few years in the clink……
- Get ready for the latest incarnation of the most overrated smartphone in the history of smartphones, Apple’s iPhone. Tomorrow, Apple will begin selling what it bills as the fastest, most powerful iPhone yet and you can be sure that the requisite lines of losers will queue up outside Apple stores around the United States and seven other countries for a shot at throwing away a whole lot of money on the new iPhone 3GS. I get why Apple is so giddy to foist this new phone on the public, given the fact that the U.S. smartphone market grew by 68 percent last year and is projected to grow by 20 percent in 2009 and almost 25 percent next year. I just don’t understand why anyone would wait in line for hours for the right to throw away big money on the device and based on past iPhone releases, have difficulty using it, activating it or with one of the other bugaboos certain to best the phone from the start. What, you can't wait a day or two for one, when you can walk right into the store and throw away your money, er, buy it? Are the other smartphone options - namely the new Palm Pre, the BlackBerry Storm or phones powered by Google's Android or Microsoft's Windows Mobile operating systems - that bad, to the point you need to act like it’s the day after Thanksgiving and you’re joining the other idiots jostling in line for a shot at an iPhone? But based on research done by technology firms, the iPhone is the top dog when it comes to mobile Web surfing, generating 65 percent of mobile HTML browsing. However, in the first quarter of 2009, Apple had only about a 20 percent share of the U.S. smartphone market, well behind the 55 percent of the market that BlackBerry has cornered. What Apple does have is the lead in mobile applications - a.k.a. apps - which are software programs that let users play games, use things like Facebook from their iPhone and most anything else you can think of. If you cruise Apple's App Store, you’ll find 50,000 applications for sale and no other competitor is close to matching that total. The main tactic in looking to grab a share of the apps market from Apple is simply to offer developers a larger share of the profits generated by their apps. Apple offers a 70/30 split, but Research in Motion, maker of BlackBerry, is offering a more favorable 80/20 split. Among the challengers to the iPhone’s push for a bigger share of the market, many experts point to the Palm Pre because it's the first smartphone since the iPhone to use multi-touch. Users can manipulate the screen with their fingers, allowing them to zoom in and out, maneuver a particular part of the screen by “pinching” it, etc. The new iPhone will definitely stay true to Apple’s commitment to charging ridiculous, exorbitant prices for its smartphones.
The iPhone 3GS starts at $199, with a required two-year contract that will cost at least $70 a month with AT&T. Nice to know that there are still some things in this world you can count on…….
- Saddlebrooke, Arizona: Irony lives here. There’s no other way to describe a firehouse catching fire and nearly burning to the ground with six firefighters inside. Golder Ranch Fire District Chief John Fink said that when a fire broke out at Station 373, he was awakened by what sounded like someone pounding on his wall. It turned out that the pounding sound on the fire captain's bedroom wall was actually the fire crackling loudly. The fire ripped through the building just before 1 a.m. Wednesday, with Fink and all six of his men sound asleep. Thankfully, everyone made it out alive and the building was the only thing that took a major hit. Early estimates have the building as a total loss, gutted and in need of a complete rebuild. Part of the problem in terms of the damage being so extensive is that the station, located northwest of Tucson, was an older building and thus not well-equipped to withstand a large fire. "The point of origin was at the end of the hallway in the communications room which is also the captain's office. Then we have where the captain's bedroom was, and that's where he was asleep," says Shaun Greener, who's in charge of Golder Ranch fire facilities. Fink and his men reacted in time to get out ahead of the fire even though it burned so hot, radiant heat went through a closed window and the fire spread into the bay where a fire engine and an ambulance were parked. Once they were awake and alert, it took about 30 minutes to get the fire under control. "All the bunk rooms where the firefighters slept, with the exception of the captain, is in the rear of the station, where it's a little bit safer, but had the fire gone a little bit further, they would have been in danger too," Greener says. In the aftermath of the blaze, Chief Fink says the community has really stepped up. Saddlebrooke's developer is providing three villas as a temporary fire station, free of charge and that the local homeowners association will be providing free meals. In a further twist of irony, Golder Ranch just received a federal grant to pay for a sprinkler system in the fire station, but the grant came a little too late to prevent about $500,000 worth of damage. The cause of the fire hasn’t been officially determined, although officials believe it started among the electronic equipment in the communications room. The Golder Ranch Fire District does have fire insurance, so the station will eventually be back and hopefully better than ever. Still, gotta love the irony……..
- Should you faith in the fact that America is going in the wrong direction and doing so quickly be waning, allow me to bolster that confidence. The fact that literally thousands of attention-whore, musical-sellout losers showed up at the Georgia Dome in Atlanta on an otherwise fine June morning to audition for American Karaoke should be all the evidence you need. Cameras were all over the parking lot and these tools ate it up, mugging for the lens, practicing so they can sound like not only a sucky, no-talent hack but a sucky, no-talent hack who practiced for a few minutes in a stadium parking lot and generally acting like morons. They were as young as 16, from places like Randleman, North Carolina, McDonough, Georgia and all sorts of other far-flung places across the southern United States. All told AK’s supervising producer Patrick Lynn expected more than 8,000 people were at the Atlanta auditions. This traveling freak show/karaoke contest brings two dozen representatives of the show to a given city to screen the performers and choose the best karaoke-ers to a later round where they would sing for a group of executive producers. Only after that do the show’s four über-attention-whore judges/knobs looking to promote their own careers while pretending to judge a glorified karaoke contest view the performances. I’d say that I’m stunned and mortified to see just how many musical abortionists show up to audition for this joke, but by this point I’ve ceased to be amazed and am now resigned to the fact that there are just so many people in this country with no musical tastes and sensibilities and I cannot rescue them all. Sure, I could load up my car and drive to Atlanta, Boston, Massachusetts; Chicago, Illinois; Dallas, Texas; Los Angeles, California; Denver, Colorado; and Orlando, Florida to stage a mass intervention, but I fear that this idiots are beyond saving. Special shame goes on the parents who drove in some cases hundreds of miles to allow their child to audition. An adult doing it is one thing, but parents enabling this type of musical atrocity is borderline child abuse. I’d rather see them be a stage parent in the world of beauty pageants than allowing their child to have the scarring experience of selling out all their musical credibility by auditioning for American Karaoke. Heck, one freak showed up to audition in a wedding dress, which I’m sure will be used in one of AK’s “montage of losers” commercials they like to use in promoting this nightmare. Again, thanks for restoring my faith in the fact that America is in a downward spiral……
- It’s the ages-old dilemma of every drug runner: where to hide your product when you’re looking to move it. You can try to hide it inside luggage, people, vehicles or most anything else you can find a way to open up and slide the drugs inside. However, finding a truly great hiding place for your blow, weed or meth takes ingenuity. A group of drug runners in Mexico tried something new this week and as fate would have it, their choice proved to be a bad one - a very bad one. These druggies hid nearly a ton of cocaine inside a shipment of frozen sharks. Navy inspectors followed a trail of clues to the shipment of sharks at the southeastern port of Progreso, in Yucatan state, on Tuesday. An anomaly in two shipping containers during a routine X-ray piqued their curiosity and when they broke open the container and sliced open one of the sharks, what did they find inside but black bags containing rectangular packets filled with cocaine. That first shark was only the tip of the cocaine iceberg and by the time they were done, authorities recovered 870 packages of cocaine, weighing about 1,967 pounds. The cargo was aboard the freight ship Dover Strait and had been loaded in Costa Rica, which I’m guessing might just be the source of the drugs. So props to whoever slid those bags of coke into those sharks in terms of being creative and trying something new, but clearly they need to find a new tactic or risk losing more of their product to The Man. Step your game up, South American drug cartels, step it up……..
if they had bothered to scope out the pickup point, I’m guessing some crummy self-storage facility, they might have seen a lot of unmarked vans and suspicious-looking people lurking nearby. But they didn’t pick up on any of that and after Giove picked up the truckload of pot, drove north and followed Canori to his home, the police were right behind them. They watched from a distance as some of the trailer's contents were unloaded, then arrested Giove was later on at nearby Saratoga Lake. A search of Canori's home turned up more than 150 pounds of pot and more than $1 million in cash stashed in a closet and the basement, further cementing the case against these two lovers of the chronic. So for those of you who have been constantly asking what Melissa "The Missile"Giove has been up to since she was the downhill world champion in 1994 and won World Cup season titles in '97 and '98, then retired from downhill racing in 2003, you have your answer. She’s been getting baked, distributing pot and now will be heading off for a few years in the clink……
- Get ready for the latest incarnation of the most overrated smartphone in the history of smartphones, Apple’s iPhone. Tomorrow, Apple will begin selling what it bills as the fastest, most powerful iPhone yet and you can be sure that the requisite lines of losers will queue up outside Apple stores around the United States and seven other countries for a shot at throwing away a whole lot of money on the new iPhone 3GS. I get why Apple is so giddy to foist this new phone on the public, given the fact that the U.S. smartphone market grew by 68 percent last year and is projected to grow by 20 percent in 2009 and almost 25 percent next year. I just don’t understand why anyone would wait in line for hours for the right to throw away big money on the device and based on past iPhone releases, have difficulty using it, activating it or with one of the other bugaboos certain to best the phone from the start. What, you can't wait a day or two for one, when you can walk right into the store and throw away your money, er, buy it? Are the other smartphone options - namely the new Palm Pre, the BlackBerry Storm or phones powered by Google's Android or Microsoft's Windows Mobile operating systems - that bad, to the point you need to act like it’s the day after Thanksgiving and you’re joining the other idiots jostling in line for a shot at an iPhone? But based on research done by technology firms, the iPhone is the top dog when it comes to mobile Web surfing, generating 65 percent of mobile HTML browsing. However, in the first quarter of 2009, Apple had only about a 20 percent share of the U.S. smartphone market, well behind the 55 percent of the market that BlackBerry has cornered. What Apple does have is the lead in mobile applications - a.k.a. apps - which are software programs that let users play games, use things like Facebook from their iPhone and most anything else you can think of. If you cruise Apple's App Store, you’ll find 50,000 applications for sale and no other competitor is close to matching that total. The main tactic in looking to grab a share of the apps market from Apple is simply to offer developers a larger share of the profits generated by their apps. Apple offers a 70/30 split, but Research in Motion, maker of BlackBerry, is offering a more favorable 80/20 split. Among the challengers to the iPhone’s push for a bigger share of the market, many experts point to the Palm Pre because it's the first smartphone since the iPhone to use multi-touch. Users can manipulate the screen with their fingers, allowing them to zoom in and out, maneuver a particular part of the screen by “pinching” it, etc. The new iPhone will definitely stay true to Apple’s commitment to charging ridiculous, exorbitant prices for its smartphones.
The iPhone 3GS starts at $199, with a required two-year contract that will cost at least $70 a month with AT&T. Nice to know that there are still some things in this world you can count on…….
- Saddlebrooke, Arizona: Irony lives here. There’s no other way to describe a firehouse catching fire and nearly burning to the ground with six firefighters inside. Golder Ranch Fire District Chief John Fink said that when a fire broke out at Station 373, he was awakened by what sounded like someone pounding on his wall. It turned out that the pounding sound on the fire captain's bedroom wall was actually the fire crackling loudly. The fire ripped through the building just before 1 a.m. Wednesday, with Fink and all six of his men sound asleep. Thankfully, everyone made it out alive and the building was the only thing that took a major hit. Early estimates have the building as a total loss, gutted and in need of a complete rebuild. Part of the problem in terms of the damage being so extensive is that the station, located northwest of Tucson, was an older building and thus not well-equipped to withstand a large fire. "The point of origin was at the end of the hallway in the communications room which is also the captain's office. Then we have where the captain's bedroom was, and that's where he was asleep," says Shaun Greener, who's in charge of Golder Ranch fire facilities. Fink and his men reacted in time to get out ahead of the fire even though it burned so hot, radiant heat went through a closed window and the fire spread into the bay where a fire engine and an ambulance were parked. Once they were awake and alert, it took about 30 minutes to get the fire under control. "All the bunk rooms where the firefighters slept, with the exception of the captain, is in the rear of the station, where it's a little bit safer, but had the fire gone a little bit further, they would have been in danger too," Greener says. In the aftermath of the blaze, Chief Fink says the community has really stepped up. Saddlebrooke's developer is providing three villas as a temporary fire station, free of charge and that the local homeowners association will be providing free meals. In a further twist of irony, Golder Ranch just received a federal grant to pay for a sprinkler system in the fire station, but the grant came a little too late to prevent about $500,000 worth of damage. The cause of the fire hasn’t been officially determined, although officials believe it started among the electronic equipment in the communications room. The Golder Ranch Fire District does have fire insurance, so the station will eventually be back and hopefully better than ever. Still, gotta love the irony……..
- Should you faith in the fact that America is going in the wrong direction and doing so quickly be waning, allow me to bolster that confidence. The fact that literally thousands of attention-whore, musical-sellout losers showed up at the Georgia Dome in Atlanta on an otherwise fine June morning to audition for American Karaoke should be all the evidence you need. Cameras were all over the parking lot and these tools ate it up, mugging for the lens, practicing so they can sound like not only a sucky, no-talent hack but a sucky, no-talent hack who practiced for a few minutes in a stadium parking lot and generally acting like morons. They were as young as 16, from places like Randleman, North Carolina, McDonough, Georgia and all sorts of other far-flung places across the southern United States. All told AK’s supervising producer Patrick Lynn expected more than 8,000 people were at the Atlanta auditions. This traveling freak show/karaoke contest brings two dozen representatives of the show to a given city to screen the performers and choose the best karaoke-ers to a later round where they would sing for a group of executive producers. Only after that do the show’s four über-attention-whore judges/knobs looking to promote their own careers while pretending to judge a glorified karaoke contest view the performances. I’d say that I’m stunned and mortified to see just how many musical abortionists show up to audition for this joke, but by this point I’ve ceased to be amazed and am now resigned to the fact that there are just so many people in this country with no musical tastes and sensibilities and I cannot rescue them all. Sure, I could load up my car and drive to Atlanta, Boston, Massachusetts; Chicago, Illinois; Dallas, Texas; Los Angeles, California; Denver, Colorado; and Orlando, Florida to stage a mass intervention, but I fear that this idiots are beyond saving. Special shame goes on the parents who drove in some cases hundreds of miles to allow their child to audition. An adult doing it is one thing, but parents enabling this type of musical atrocity is borderline child abuse. I’d rather see them be a stage parent in the world of beauty pageants than allowing their child to have the scarring experience of selling out all their musical credibility by auditioning for American Karaoke. Heck, one freak showed up to audition in a wedding dress, which I’m sure will be used in one of AK’s “montage of losers” commercials they like to use in promoting this nightmare. Again, thanks for restoring my faith in the fact that America is in a downward spiral……
- It’s the ages-old dilemma of every drug runner: where to hide your product when you’re looking to move it. You can try to hide it inside luggage, people, vehicles or most anything else you can find a way to open up and slide the drugs inside. However, finding a truly great hiding place for your blow, weed or meth takes ingenuity. A group of drug runners in Mexico tried something new this week and as fate would have it, their choice proved to be a bad one - a very bad one. These druggies hid nearly a ton of cocaine inside a shipment of frozen sharks. Navy inspectors followed a trail of clues to the shipment of sharks at the southeastern port of Progreso, in Yucatan state, on Tuesday. An anomaly in two shipping containers during a routine X-ray piqued their curiosity and when they broke open the container and sliced open one of the sharks, what did they find inside but black bags containing rectangular packets filled with cocaine. That first shark was only the tip of the cocaine iceberg and by the time they were done, authorities recovered 870 packages of cocaine, weighing about 1,967 pounds. The cargo was aboard the freight ship Dover Strait and had been loaded in Costa Rica, which I’m guessing might just be the source of the drugs. So props to whoever slid those bags of coke into those sharks in terms of being creative and trying something new, but clearly they need to find a new tactic or risk losing more of their product to The Man. Step your game up, South American drug cartels, step it up……..
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
What an asbestos emergency is, my ManRam for All-Star campaign hits a snag and a big hit for one Mexican drug cartel
- Uh-oh. My hopes for seeing ‘roid-using, check that, female fertility drug-using slugger Manny Ramirez in the Major League Baseball All-Star game are fading fast. While he sits on the sidelines, serving a 50-game penalty for violating baseball's drug policy, ManRam seems to be dropping from the consciousness of baseball fans and is beginning to lag behind in the voting. He had been as high as fourth during his suspension (the top three outfielders are selected as starters for the game), but in voting results released this week, ManRam has dropped to sixth among NL outfielders. Yes, he is eligible to return July 3 and the All-Star Game is 11 days later in St. Louis, but I fear that won't be enough. Voting closes several days prior to the game and there is just no way that ManRam, sixth with 999,800 votes, will catch Philadelphia's Raul Ibanez (1,897,905), Milwaukee's Ryan Braun (1,667,029), or the Mets' Carlos Beltran (1,367,412) for one of those top three spots. He may not even be able to pass the Cubs' Alfonso Soriano (1,340,669) and Philadelphia's Shane Victorino (1,116,524), not if the fans don’t pick it up and vote for a confirmed cheater who recently justified his actions by saying that ‘roiding up was no big deal because it’s not like he killed or raped anyone. Solid reasoning there, ManRam. I don’t care if you only have six home runs and 20 RBIs in 27 games before being suspended May 7, I am voting early and often for you. MLB.com may only allow people to vote 25 times each, but don’t think for a second that I’m not organizing a killer campaign to vault ManRam right past all of those other suckers who didn’t cheat (at least I don’t think so) and have been out there on the field the past few weeks trying to help their team win. Fear not, ManRam, because if there is any way to get you out on that field in St. Louis on July 11, I’ll make it happen……
- The Mexican military really needs to knock it off. And by “it,” I mean trying to enforce laws against the production, distribution, sale and use of illegal narcotics. Quit being so selfish and start thinking of all the solid, upstanding, hard-working drug addicts that your obsession with law and order is hurting. Take for example the Mexican military, which arrested a suspect identified as the head of a drug cartel in the Yucatan Peninsula on Saturday. These tools seem to believe that apprehending Juan Manuel Jurado Zarzoza, known as El Puma and El R, is a good idea. Why? Because they clearly don’t care about the tough economic times we’re in. Your average drug user can't afford an increase in the price of the coke, weed or ice that they are buying and when the leaders of cartels are getting pinched, that’s going to drive up prices. The remaining members of the cartel will feel the need to increase security, they may lose some product when the authorities apprehend their leader (if he is traveling with any sort of stash) and that’s not good for Joe Crackhead. Jurado was in charge of the Cardenas Guillen cartel operations in Cancun, which is also going to negatively impact all of the spring breakers who hit the city and are looking to score some high-quality blow. Sure, you can buy into the allegations that Jurado was involved in the killing of retired army Gen. Mauro Enrique Tello Quiñones in February, if you want to be cynical. And yes, perhaps it is a bit suspicious that Tello was shot 11 times just 24 hours after taking over as head of Cancun's anti-drug force. The bottom line is that by arresting Jurado and confiscating nine large-caliber weapons, 10 small-caliber firearms, ammunition, 16 kilograms (35 pounds) of cocaine, 45 kilograms (95 pounds) of marijuana, 2,500 doses of crack cocaine and four vehicles, the Mexican military is seriously sticking it to the average drug user. But do they consider any of that? No, they’re just pumped to make an arrest and take a supposedly dangerous man off the streets. Thanks for being selfish, Mexican military………
- I’ve been asking myself lately how the fall schedule will look for a network that I will watch exactly one show on and now I have the answer. As the CW kills off its good shows and replaces them with repugnant crap, almost certainly a show about rich, spoiled, party-loving teenagers in New York or Southern California, the amount of time I spend on the bastard offspring of the WB and UPN continues to decrease. As I look at the CW’s fall schedule, I see a whole lot of crap and unless I’m looking for something to openly mock, I won't be watching any of these shows outside of Friday night at 8 p.m. That’s when Smallville will air, moving from Thursday to Friday and premiering Friday, Sept. 25. The network will kick off with the season premiere of one of the aforementioned shows about rich, spoiled, party-loving teenagers in New York or Southern California - 90210. The show will kick off its season Tuesday, Sept. 8, at 8 p.m., to be followed the premiere of the new Melrose Place - yet another show about rich, spoiled, party-loving teenagers in New York or Southern California. On Monday nights, the Chad Michael Murray and Hilarie Burton-less One Tree Hill will move up one hour to 8 p.m., to be followed by another show about rich, spoiled, party-loving teenagers in New York or Southern California, Gossip Girl. Smallville will actually be the last CW show to premiere, preceded by America's Next Top Runway Bimbo Wednesday, Sept. 9 at 8 p.m., new and soon-to-be-canceled The Vampire Diaries and returner Supernatural on Thursday, Sept. 10. All in all, this just might be the CW’s worst, least-inspiring, most missable lineup of shows to date, which is saying something for what is clearly the worst over-air network on TV. Big ups to Dawn Ostroff and Co. for continuing the strip their network of its good shows one by one and turn the CW into a network that truly matches the “Crappy Watching” moniker I bestowed on it……
- If I’m writing about auto racing, you know I’m writing about everyone’s favorite meth head NASCAR driver, one Jeremy Mayfield. I have no interest in auto racing itself or what happens on the track, but I do have an interest in J. Mayfield peaking on meth, testing positive and getting suspended from driving his car around in circles really fast along with the other drivers. You might recall that when mounting his defense for being a meth head, er, for testing positive for methamphetamines, Mayfield called several expert medical witnesses to claim that his positive test had been a false positive triggered by the combination of two over-the-counter medicines he was taking. The explanation seemed implausible at the time and now seems much more so based on the fact that an alleged expert witness for Mayfield does not have the medical degrees or certifications he listed in his qualifications. That could be a problem, assuming that what NASCAR alleges in a motion filed in U.S. District Court is true. In the motion, NASCAR requests that Dr. Harvey MacFenerstein's sworn affidavit be dismissed from Mayfield's lawsuit because the expert falsely represented himself on six counts. What’s not in doubt is that MacFenerstein is the president of Analytical Toxicology Corp., a drug-testing laboratory in San Antonio, Texas. What is in doubt is MacFenerstein's listed qualifications in the affidavit. Mayfield’s attorneys claim that he has a 1975 bachelor of science degree in medical technology from "Mid Western State University of Texas"; that he obtained a medical doctor degree in clinical pathology from CETED University in Mexico; that he is certified as a medical review officer; and that he has membership and certification from two clinical agencies. NASCAR is disputing all of those qualifications and their claims would seem to have some merit. According to Darla Inglish, university registrar for Midwestern State since 1993, a search of school records failed to find any documentation that MacFenerstein received a degree from the university. He did “briefly attend” some classes in 1976, but allegedly never received any sort of degree. Other sources from as far away as Mexico have come forward to dispute parts of MacFenerstein’s claims, so this is getting very interesting. Whether Mayfield’s attorneys knew about these alleged discrepancies in the doctor’s record or not, it doesn’t say good things about them. Either they didn’t do their homework on a key witness or they knew and tried to pass off a bogus expert. Either one is bad news for Mayfield, who now comes off not only as a possible meth head but also someone whose legal team is either very incompetent or very dishonest. Then again, he is an (alleged) meth head, so how much can you really expect from the guy…….
- Who knew there was such a thing as an asbestos emergency? I certainly didn’t, not until I heard the tale of Libby, Montana. Libby is a small town in northwest Montana town where asbestos contamination has killed more than 200 people. With a serious problem on its hands, the town will receive more than $130 million in cleanup and medical assistance from the Obama administration, which is probably several times more than the entire town is worth…..but I digress. The decision to hand out the $130 million in financial aid was announced by the Environmental Protection Agency Wednesday. It’s actually quite historic, as this is the first such declaration issued by the agency. The sad saga in Libby has been going on since 1999, with EPA Administrator Lisa Jackson labeling it a "toxic legacy" of a mine gone wrong outside Libby. The problems in Libby result from a heavy contamination of the town with asbestos-laced dust. Federal prosecutors say the dust has resulted in more than 200 deaths and 1,000 illnesses. For decades, the disease and death rate from asbestosis in the Libby area was staggeringly high -- much higher than the national average," Jackson explained. The problem was compounded by the fact that not only did dust from the mine spread all over Libby and the neighboring town of Troy for decades, but tailings from the facility also were used as fill for driveways, gardens and playgrounds, she said. In other words, this terrible substance was in the face of residents everywhere they turned and that exposure has had horrific consequences. Of the $130 million being handed out, EPA spokeswoman Adora Andy said $6 million from the Department of Health and Human Services will go to local health care providers to screen, diagnose and treat asbestos-related illnesses, while $125 million will go toward cleaning up contaminated areas. That money will bring the total amount the EPA has designated for the Libby area to $333 million and that may not be the end of it. The EPA admits that it still must do significant research to determine how many properties in Libby are affected and need to be treated. Montana Sen. Max Baucus, the former chairman of the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee, has been leading the charge on this issue and rightly so. For once, a politician is actually seeking ginormous wads of federal cash for his state and he’s right to do so. Maybe if someone had done this years ago, the problem wouldn’t have gotten so out of control. After all, the Libby mining operation began operations in 1919 and almost immediately, dust from the plant covered lawns around town and polluted the air. Being that it was 1919 and the Great Depression was taking root, plus it being a time where so little was known about the health effects of pollution, no one worried too much about it. However, that didn’t change the fact that the product produced by the mine was contaminated with tremolite asbestos, a particularly toxic substance that has been linked to mesothelioma, a cancer that can attack the lining of the lungs, abdomen, or heart. Now, the government is finally making a sincere effort to address the situation and perhaps some good can still be done in Libby…….
- The Mexican military really needs to knock it off. And by “it,” I mean trying to enforce laws against the production, distribution, sale and use of illegal narcotics. Quit being so selfish and start thinking of all the solid, upstanding, hard-working drug addicts that your obsession with law and order is hurting. Take for example the Mexican military, which arrested a suspect identified as the head of a drug cartel in the Yucatan Peninsula on Saturday. These tools seem to believe that apprehending Juan Manuel Jurado Zarzoza, known as El Puma and El R, is a good idea. Why? Because they clearly don’t care about the tough economic times we’re in. Your average drug user can't afford an increase in the price of the coke, weed or ice that they are buying and when the leaders of cartels are getting pinched, that’s going to drive up prices. The remaining members of the cartel will feel the need to increase security, they may lose some product when the authorities apprehend their leader (if he is traveling with any sort of stash) and that’s not good for Joe Crackhead. Jurado was in charge of the Cardenas Guillen cartel operations in Cancun, which is also going to negatively impact all of the spring breakers who hit the city and are looking to score some high-quality blow. Sure, you can buy into the allegations that Jurado was involved in the killing of retired army Gen. Mauro Enrique Tello Quiñones in February, if you want to be cynical. And yes, perhaps it is a bit suspicious that Tello was shot 11 times just 24 hours after taking over as head of Cancun's anti-drug force. The bottom line is that by arresting Jurado and confiscating nine large-caliber weapons, 10 small-caliber firearms, ammunition, 16 kilograms (35 pounds) of cocaine, 45 kilograms (95 pounds) of marijuana, 2,500 doses of crack cocaine and four vehicles, the Mexican military is seriously sticking it to the average drug user. But do they consider any of that? No, they’re just pumped to make an arrest and take a supposedly dangerous man off the streets. Thanks for being selfish, Mexican military………
- I’ve been asking myself lately how the fall schedule will look for a network that I will watch exactly one show on and now I have the answer. As the CW kills off its good shows and replaces them with repugnant crap, almost certainly a show about rich, spoiled, party-loving teenagers in New York or Southern California, the amount of time I spend on the bastard offspring of the WB and UPN continues to decrease. As I look at the CW’s fall schedule, I see a whole lot of crap and unless I’m looking for something to openly mock, I won't be watching any of these shows outside of Friday night at 8 p.m. That’s when Smallville will air, moving from Thursday to Friday and premiering Friday, Sept. 25. The network will kick off with the season premiere of one of the aforementioned shows about rich, spoiled, party-loving teenagers in New York or Southern California - 90210. The show will kick off its season Tuesday, Sept. 8, at 8 p.m., to be followed the premiere of the new Melrose Place - yet another show about rich, spoiled, party-loving teenagers in New York or Southern California. On Monday nights, the Chad Michael Murray and Hilarie Burton-less One Tree Hill will move up one hour to 8 p.m., to be followed by another show about rich, spoiled, party-loving teenagers in New York or Southern California, Gossip Girl. Smallville will actually be the last CW show to premiere, preceded by America's Next Top Runway Bimbo Wednesday, Sept. 9 at 8 p.m., new and soon-to-be-canceled The Vampire Diaries and returner Supernatural on Thursday, Sept. 10. All in all, this just might be the CW’s worst, least-inspiring, most missable lineup of shows to date, which is saying something for what is clearly the worst over-air network on TV. Big ups to Dawn Ostroff and Co. for continuing the strip their network of its good shows one by one and turn the CW into a network that truly matches the “Crappy Watching” moniker I bestowed on it……
- If I’m writing about auto racing, you know I’m writing about everyone’s favorite meth head NASCAR driver, one Jeremy Mayfield. I have no interest in auto racing itself or what happens on the track, but I do have an interest in J. Mayfield peaking on meth, testing positive and getting suspended from driving his car around in circles really fast along with the other drivers. You might recall that when mounting his defense for being a meth head, er, for testing positive for methamphetamines, Mayfield called several expert medical witnesses to claim that his positive test had been a false positive triggered by the combination of two over-the-counter medicines he was taking. The explanation seemed implausible at the time and now seems much more so based on the fact that an alleged expert witness for Mayfield does not have the medical degrees or certifications he listed in his qualifications. That could be a problem, assuming that what NASCAR alleges in a motion filed in U.S. District Court is true. In the motion, NASCAR requests that Dr. Harvey MacFenerstein's sworn affidavit be dismissed from Mayfield's lawsuit because the expert falsely represented himself on six counts. What’s not in doubt is that MacFenerstein is the president of Analytical Toxicology Corp., a drug-testing laboratory in San Antonio, Texas. What is in doubt is MacFenerstein's listed qualifications in the affidavit. Mayfield’s attorneys claim that he has a 1975 bachelor of science degree in medical technology from "Mid Western State University of Texas"; that he obtained a medical doctor degree in clinical pathology from CETED University in Mexico; that he is certified as a medical review officer; and that he has membership and certification from two clinical agencies. NASCAR is disputing all of those qualifications and their claims would seem to have some merit. According to Darla Inglish, university registrar for Midwestern State since 1993, a search of school records failed to find any documentation that MacFenerstein received a degree from the university. He did “briefly attend” some classes in 1976, but allegedly never received any sort of degree. Other sources from as far away as Mexico have come forward to dispute parts of MacFenerstein’s claims, so this is getting very interesting. Whether Mayfield’s attorneys knew about these alleged discrepancies in the doctor’s record or not, it doesn’t say good things about them. Either they didn’t do their homework on a key witness or they knew and tried to pass off a bogus expert. Either one is bad news for Mayfield, who now comes off not only as a possible meth head but also someone whose legal team is either very incompetent or very dishonest. Then again, he is an (alleged) meth head, so how much can you really expect from the guy…….
- Who knew there was such a thing as an asbestos emergency? I certainly didn’t, not until I heard the tale of Libby, Montana. Libby is a small town in northwest Montana town where asbestos contamination has killed more than 200 people. With a serious problem on its hands, the town will receive more than $130 million in cleanup and medical assistance from the Obama administration, which is probably several times more than the entire town is worth…..but I digress. The decision to hand out the $130 million in financial aid was announced by the Environmental Protection Agency Wednesday. It’s actually quite historic, as this is the first such declaration issued by the agency. The sad saga in Libby has been going on since 1999, with EPA Administrator Lisa Jackson labeling it a "toxic legacy" of a mine gone wrong outside Libby. The problems in Libby result from a heavy contamination of the town with asbestos-laced dust. Federal prosecutors say the dust has resulted in more than 200 deaths and 1,000 illnesses. For decades, the disease and death rate from asbestosis in the Libby area was staggeringly high -- much higher than the national average," Jackson explained. The problem was compounded by the fact that not only did dust from the mine spread all over Libby and the neighboring town of Troy for decades, but tailings from the facility also were used as fill for driveways, gardens and playgrounds, she said. In other words, this terrible substance was in the face of residents everywhere they turned and that exposure has had horrific consequences. Of the $130 million being handed out, EPA spokeswoman Adora Andy said $6 million from the Department of Health and Human Services will go to local health care providers to screen, diagnose and treat asbestos-related illnesses, while $125 million will go toward cleaning up contaminated areas. That money will bring the total amount the EPA has designated for the Libby area to $333 million and that may not be the end of it. The EPA admits that it still must do significant research to determine how many properties in Libby are affected and need to be treated. Montana Sen. Max Baucus, the former chairman of the Senate Environment and Public Works Committee, has been leading the charge on this issue and rightly so. For once, a politician is actually seeking ginormous wads of federal cash for his state and he’s right to do so. Maybe if someone had done this years ago, the problem wouldn’t have gotten so out of control. After all, the Libby mining operation began operations in 1919 and almost immediately, dust from the plant covered lawns around town and polluted the air. Being that it was 1919 and the Great Depression was taking root, plus it being a time where so little was known about the health effects of pollution, no one worried too much about it. However, that didn’t change the fact that the product produced by the mine was contaminated with tremolite asbestos, a particularly toxic substance that has been linked to mesothelioma, a cancer that can attack the lining of the lungs, abdomen, or heart. Now, the government is finally making a sincere effort to address the situation and perhaps some good can still be done in Libby…….
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Riot Watch! in L.A., a warning to NYC geese and I apologize for overestimating Americans
- Once again I have overestimated you, America, and for that I apologize. I felt that weeks, nay months of non-stop commercials warning about the need to prepare for the transition to Digital TV were enough to clue in even the most clueless among you. Either get cable/satellite or a digital converter box - that much was apparent to even people with the IQ of broccoli, or so I thought. The numbers, specifically the number of people calling the Federal Communication Commission’s help line the past two days, would indicate otherwise. According to the FCC, 317,450 calls had been handled on Friday alone by the commission's help line, 1-888-CALL-FCC. "Of the calls handled by live FCC help-line agents, nearly 30 percent concerned the operation of digital converter boxes," the FCC said. "Most of those calls were resolved when consumers were instructed to 're-scan' their converter boxes in order to receive the digital channels that had moved to new frequencies.” Sounds good, crisis averted….right? Not exactly. There are still quite a few people out there struggling with the fact that 971 full-power stations across the country have switched to digital television. According to Nielsen Co., which measures TV ratings, more than 3 million U.S. households were not ready for the transition. Because many of these unprepared people are technologically-stunted senior citizens who are still confounded by the miracle that is a VCR, volunteers are going out around the country to help them get their converter box installed and running. The FCC has more than 4,000 agents answering calls, making for an average wait time on the help line of 4.6 minutes. To all those who are still struggling with the DTV transition…..Congress passed the law in 2005, so four years seems like ample time to prepare. Should you be one of the laggards who still hasn’t purchased a converter box, government coupons (sadly, not accompanied by government cheese) worth $40 to help offset the cost of converter boxes are available through July 31. If that deadline passes and you still haven’t figured things out….you just don’t deserve to and you don’t deserve any help either……..
- You win some, you lose some. International diplomacy is no different than Little League baseball (except for no trips to the ice cream stand following big diplomatic meetings and summits). While President Obama has made strides in improving relations with Cuba and other nations around the world, he’s making no friends in Venezuela and Nicaragua. A few weeks ago it seemed like Obama and Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez were also learning to get along, but the decision to yank a $62 million gift that had been promised to Nicaragua by the W. administration seems to have ruffled feathers south of the equator. Venezuela has promised to give to replace the money, which was to have come from the Millennium Challenge Corporation, a U.S.-government-funded anti-poverty fund set up by W. Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega Saavedra is none too happy about having the aid withdrawn and drew an unlikely comparison between Obama and former President Ronald Reagan. “He expresses good will, but in practice, he has the same policies as President Reagan," Ortega told a crowd of supporters in Managua's Plaza of the Revolution. Of course, if there’s anyone who can make that comparison, it would be Ortega. He was around in 1982 when Reagan supported funding the contras, the forces opposed to Ortega and his socialist Sandinista Party, which had come to power after overthrowing the U.S.-backed Anastasio Somoza in 1979. Now, he’s leading the country and relying on the U.S. to follow through on its promises to provide aid. He called the decision not to follow through on the payment "disrespectful.” So why did the American government reverse course and decide not to pay what had beep previously promised? Well, it was announced last November that aid to Managua was being suspended in the wake of what were alleged fraudulent municipal elections. Ortega disputes those claims (of course he does) and claims that the $62 million would have been used to build 12 highways, not to support his government. Honestly, I can see both sides of the debate. For one, the Obama administration is under no obligation to follow through on paying money that the previous administration, coincidentally the worst in American history, promised. On the other hand, Nicaragua isn’t exactly a world power and whether they have a corrupt government in power through bogus elections or not, there are a lot of people in the country who could use financial assistance. Ultimately, you need to do what you think is right and if it pisses off Ortega and Chavez in the process, so be it……
- So Mets closer Francisco Rodriguez is “likes to fight” guy. We all know at least one guy who is “likes to fight guy,” willing to throw down at any time, for any reason and with anyone. It’s not all that surprising to learn that K-Rod is that guy, given how demonstrative and animated he is on the mound. Guys who gesticulate wildly, dance on the mound and point to the sky tend to have a lot of emotion and emotional guys are typically the ones who are also “likes to fight” guy. Now that K-Rod is in New York and playing his first season with the Mets, more eyes are on him and it’s more likely that someone is going to take exception to his act. As it happens, a guy playing across town in the Bronx has a problem with K-Rod and he is New York Yankees reliever Brian Bruney. Over the weekend, the Mets and Yankees played their traditional interleague series at the new Yankee Stadium. In Friday’s series opener, Rodriguez came in for the ninth inning with his team leading by a run. He allowed two runners to reach base but appeared to be on the verge of wiggling out of the jam and getting the save for his team. With two outs, he induced Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez to pop up to second base. It was a routine popup for second baseman Luis Castillo, a play he and every other second baseman in Major League Baseball makes 9,999 times out of 10,000. On Friday night, Castillo dropped the popup and two runs scored, giving the Yankees a dramatic, improbable win over their crosstown rivals. It was K-Rod’s first blown save in 17 chances this season. For some reason, after the game someone decided to stick a microphone in Bruney’s face even though he has pitched only once for the Yankees since April 21 because of a strained elbow. Maybe it was his perfect inning Saturday in a rehab appearance for Double-A Trenton that drew the media to his locker, I don’t know. But once he had a chance to take a shot at the more-talented, more-successful, higher-paid pitcher across town, Bruney opened fire. Speaking about the way the game ended, he said, “Unbelievable. I've never seen anything like that. I have, but in high school," Bruney said. "It couldn't happen to a better guy on the mound, either. He's got a tired act. I just don't like watching the guy pitch. I think it's embarrassing.” Never mind that Bruney's teammate, Joba Chamberlain, also has irritated opponents with his loud screams and animated fist pumps after inning-ending strikeouts. So Bruney opened his mouth when he probably should have kept it shut and of course, K-Rod heard what he said and was none too happy about it. During batting practice before Sunday’s game, Rodriguez sought out Bruney and found him on the outfield grass in left field. After saying previously that Bruney should "keep his mouth shut," Rodriguez went looking to back up his words. When he found Bruney, he began screaming him down and gesturing pointedly in his adversary’s direction. Bruney didn’t react or show much emotion, mostly taking it and trying to stay calm. Eventually Yankees reliever Jose Veras stepped between them and Mets pitcher Mike Pelfrey followed suit, ushering K-Rod away. "I was probably 10 feet away and I just saw K-Rod pointing and raising his voice," Pelfrey said, "and I just came over and grabbed him and I said 'C'mon, lets go in.' He was upset I guess." In the end, I’m siding with K-Rod on this one partially because I think he’s a better player and has more of a right to do what he does on the mound, but mostly because “likes to fight” guy is always awesome and livens up any party. Bruney seems to have learned from his mistake, saying on Sunday that he may have handled things incorrectly. “I probably shouldn't have said what I said. I made that mistake and I've learned from it,” he admitted. And all it took was for K-Rod to seek you out, scream you down and help you see the error of your ways……..
- Look out, New York City geese! The Man is coming for you and he’s coming with the worst of intentions. Spurred in large part by the incident in which geese getting in the way of US Airways Flight 1549 in January, damaging both engines and forcing the now-infamous landing on the Hudson River by heroic pilot Chesley Sullenburger, authorities in New York City have decided to kill at least 2,000 geese this year, all of them living in close proximity to the LaGuardia and JFK international airports. “The serious dangers that Canada geese pose to aviation became all too clear when geese struck. The incident served as a catalyst to strengthen our efforts in removing geese from – and discouraging them from nesting on – city property near our runways,” said New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg. So you can’t deal with the geese any other way than to kill them? No relocation program for the geese, maybe offer them a huge government grant to move to Florida permanently? Look, I get that flocks of birds cruising around the skies, especially near airports, are a problem for planes. They can get sucked into the engines and cause them to fail, so there clearly has to be something done about the problem. I just have a feeling that if you made an effort to negotiate with the geese, you’d find that they’re amiable and won't drive a hard bargain. For Pete’s sake, they eat worms and trash, so how tough of a negotiator can a goose be? Throw in a bag of Schwebel’s bread and you’d have a deal. Besides, announcing that you plan to kill at least 2,000 geese is going to inevitable cause a backlash from one of my least favorite groups of all-time, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. Those freaks at PETA sit around waiting for days like this, when the New York Port Authority and the mayor’s office team up on plans to remove all Canadian geese on a several-mile radius around the two airports by lethal means. Actually, I’m surprised this hasn’t been a bigger rallying cry for those PETA idiots in the past, given the fact that in NYC, more than 1,200 geese have been netted and gassed over the past six years on islands around the city. Because offing 1,200 geese hasn’t done the trick, the city will up that amount by 67 percent in a single year and hope that solves the problems. “Research has shown that resident Canada geese in several New York studies stay within five miles of a particular location and that 74 percent of wildlife strikes occur at or near the airport," said Martin Lowney, director of the US Department of Agriculture Wildlife Services program in New York. Sort of gives credence to my idea of bribing the geese to move to Florida, given the fact that they tend to stay within a five-mile radius. But barring that, the city and Port Authority are simply biding their time, plotting and determining the best time to strike in Operation Gas Geese………
- I believe indie rockers Kaiser Chiefs said it best on their debut album in 2005: I predict a riot. It’s true in most any city where a major college or professional sports team wins a championship, but perhaps nowhere is it truer than in Los Angeles. Los Angelinos love to riot when their teams win and in recent years, the only SoCal team bringing home titles has been the Los Angeles Lakers. With their chances to riot limited to only one team, you just knew that the diehard Lakers fans in L.A. were bracing to riot the instant it became clear that their favorite team had a legitimate chance to win its 15th NBA championship. Some time around the All-Star break, they began collecting spare bricks, searching for just the right rocks to hurl and practicing their car-flipping and dumpster-burning techniques. All of that hard work and preparation paid off Monday night, with fans bum-rushing the streets before the final seconds ticked off the clock in the Lakers’ Game 5 triumph in Orlando to win the NBA Finals by a 4-1 count. The fans knew it was coming, the police knew it was coming and even the Lakers knew it was coming. The team and city officials tried to get out ahead of it by having Lakers star Kobe Bryant film a TV commercial that aired near the end of Game 5, urging fans to “celebrate responsibly.” Right, because that commercial was going to work. You could have looped that spot 24/7 every day since the start of the season and it wouldn’t have made a difference. These freaks who hit the streets looking to loot, riot, pillage, plunder and burn when their team wins a championship LIVE for that moment. To them, it’s not truly a championship until they’ve turned over a car, smashed a store window and looted inside or hurled a brick at the cops. The chance to riot is just as important to them as seeing their players hoist the championship trophy. That much is evident by the fact that many of the rioters were headed out to the streets before the game even ended. It made for an interesting night in L.A., to say the least. In the riots, 25 people were arrested for disturbing the peace, arson and other infractions and eight police officers suffered minor injuries and were taken to hospitals for treatment. A shoe store was vandalized and looted, as were buses and police cars (big ups on that, by the way) and several fires were set around town. I’m just guessing, but I’d say that at least half of the rioters had perhaps drank an alcoholic beverage or five. My favorite part of the night may be the fact that among the 25 people arrested for rioting, three of them were juveniles. Yes, three parents either allowed their child to hit the streets and riot or were right there with them, lobbing empty beer bottles at police cars and smashing store windows. Nothing says good parenting or supporting your favorite sports team more than some parent-child rioting action, no doubt. So a big tip of the cap to all the zealots, er, fans in L.A. who took time out of their evening on Monday to join other fans in the street and show their passion and fandom by rioting, well done…….
- You win some, you lose some. International diplomacy is no different than Little League baseball (except for no trips to the ice cream stand following big diplomatic meetings and summits). While President Obama has made strides in improving relations with Cuba and other nations around the world, he’s making no friends in Venezuela and Nicaragua. A few weeks ago it seemed like Obama and Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez were also learning to get along, but the decision to yank a $62 million gift that had been promised to Nicaragua by the W. administration seems to have ruffled feathers south of the equator. Venezuela has promised to give to replace the money, which was to have come from the Millennium Challenge Corporation, a U.S.-government-funded anti-poverty fund set up by W. Nicaraguan President Daniel Ortega Saavedra is none too happy about having the aid withdrawn and drew an unlikely comparison between Obama and former President Ronald Reagan. “He expresses good will, but in practice, he has the same policies as President Reagan," Ortega told a crowd of supporters in Managua's Plaza of the Revolution. Of course, if there’s anyone who can make that comparison, it would be Ortega. He was around in 1982 when Reagan supported funding the contras, the forces opposed to Ortega and his socialist Sandinista Party, which had come to power after overthrowing the U.S.-backed Anastasio Somoza in 1979. Now, he’s leading the country and relying on the U.S. to follow through on its promises to provide aid. He called the decision not to follow through on the payment "disrespectful.” So why did the American government reverse course and decide not to pay what had beep previously promised? Well, it was announced last November that aid to Managua was being suspended in the wake of what were alleged fraudulent municipal elections. Ortega disputes those claims (of course he does) and claims that the $62 million would have been used to build 12 highways, not to support his government. Honestly, I can see both sides of the debate. For one, the Obama administration is under no obligation to follow through on paying money that the previous administration, coincidentally the worst in American history, promised. On the other hand, Nicaragua isn’t exactly a world power and whether they have a corrupt government in power through bogus elections or not, there are a lot of people in the country who could use financial assistance. Ultimately, you need to do what you think is right and if it pisses off Ortega and Chavez in the process, so be it……
- So Mets closer Francisco Rodriguez is “likes to fight” guy. We all know at least one guy who is “likes to fight guy,” willing to throw down at any time, for any reason and with anyone. It’s not all that surprising to learn that K-Rod is that guy, given how demonstrative and animated he is on the mound. Guys who gesticulate wildly, dance on the mound and point to the sky tend to have a lot of emotion and emotional guys are typically the ones who are also “likes to fight” guy. Now that K-Rod is in New York and playing his first season with the Mets, more eyes are on him and it’s more likely that someone is going to take exception to his act. As it happens, a guy playing across town in the Bronx has a problem with K-Rod and he is New York Yankees reliever Brian Bruney. Over the weekend, the Mets and Yankees played their traditional interleague series at the new Yankee Stadium. In Friday’s series opener, Rodriguez came in for the ninth inning with his team leading by a run. He allowed two runners to reach base but appeared to be on the verge of wiggling out of the jam and getting the save for his team. With two outs, he induced Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez to pop up to second base. It was a routine popup for second baseman Luis Castillo, a play he and every other second baseman in Major League Baseball makes 9,999 times out of 10,000. On Friday night, Castillo dropped the popup and two runs scored, giving the Yankees a dramatic, improbable win over their crosstown rivals. It was K-Rod’s first blown save in 17 chances this season. For some reason, after the game someone decided to stick a microphone in Bruney’s face even though he has pitched only once for the Yankees since April 21 because of a strained elbow. Maybe it was his perfect inning Saturday in a rehab appearance for Double-A Trenton that drew the media to his locker, I don’t know. But once he had a chance to take a shot at the more-talented, more-successful, higher-paid pitcher across town, Bruney opened fire. Speaking about the way the game ended, he said, “Unbelievable. I've never seen anything like that. I have, but in high school," Bruney said. "It couldn't happen to a better guy on the mound, either. He's got a tired act. I just don't like watching the guy pitch. I think it's embarrassing.” Never mind that Bruney's teammate, Joba Chamberlain, also has irritated opponents with his loud screams and animated fist pumps after inning-ending strikeouts. So Bruney opened his mouth when he probably should have kept it shut and of course, K-Rod heard what he said and was none too happy about it. During batting practice before Sunday’s game, Rodriguez sought out Bruney and found him on the outfield grass in left field. After saying previously that Bruney should "keep his mouth shut," Rodriguez went looking to back up his words. When he found Bruney, he began screaming him down and gesturing pointedly in his adversary’s direction. Bruney didn’t react or show much emotion, mostly taking it and trying to stay calm. Eventually Yankees reliever Jose Veras stepped between them and Mets pitcher Mike Pelfrey followed suit, ushering K-Rod away. "I was probably 10 feet away and I just saw K-Rod pointing and raising his voice," Pelfrey said, "and I just came over and grabbed him and I said 'C'mon, lets go in.' He was upset I guess." In the end, I’m siding with K-Rod on this one partially because I think he’s a better player and has more of a right to do what he does on the mound, but mostly because “likes to fight” guy is always awesome and livens up any party. Bruney seems to have learned from his mistake, saying on Sunday that he may have handled things incorrectly. “I probably shouldn't have said what I said. I made that mistake and I've learned from it,” he admitted. And all it took was for K-Rod to seek you out, scream you down and help you see the error of your ways……..
- Look out, New York City geese! The Man is coming for you and he’s coming with the worst of intentions. Spurred in large part by the incident in which geese getting in the way of US Airways Flight 1549 in January, damaging both engines and forcing the now-infamous landing on the Hudson River by heroic pilot Chesley Sullenburger, authorities in New York City have decided to kill at least 2,000 geese this year, all of them living in close proximity to the LaGuardia and JFK international airports. “The serious dangers that Canada geese pose to aviation became all too clear when geese struck. The incident served as a catalyst to strengthen our efforts in removing geese from – and discouraging them from nesting on – city property near our runways,” said New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg. So you can’t deal with the geese any other way than to kill them? No relocation program for the geese, maybe offer them a huge government grant to move to Florida permanently? Look, I get that flocks of birds cruising around the skies, especially near airports, are a problem for planes. They can get sucked into the engines and cause them to fail, so there clearly has to be something done about the problem. I just have a feeling that if you made an effort to negotiate with the geese, you’d find that they’re amiable and won't drive a hard bargain. For Pete’s sake, they eat worms and trash, so how tough of a negotiator can a goose be? Throw in a bag of Schwebel’s bread and you’d have a deal. Besides, announcing that you plan to kill at least 2,000 geese is going to inevitable cause a backlash from one of my least favorite groups of all-time, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals. Those freaks at PETA sit around waiting for days like this, when the New York Port Authority and the mayor’s office team up on plans to remove all Canadian geese on a several-mile radius around the two airports by lethal means. Actually, I’m surprised this hasn’t been a bigger rallying cry for those PETA idiots in the past, given the fact that in NYC, more than 1,200 geese have been netted and gassed over the past six years on islands around the city. Because offing 1,200 geese hasn’t done the trick, the city will up that amount by 67 percent in a single year and hope that solves the problems. “Research has shown that resident Canada geese in several New York studies stay within five miles of a particular location and that 74 percent of wildlife strikes occur at or near the airport," said Martin Lowney, director of the US Department of Agriculture Wildlife Services program in New York. Sort of gives credence to my idea of bribing the geese to move to Florida, given the fact that they tend to stay within a five-mile radius. But barring that, the city and Port Authority are simply biding their time, plotting and determining the best time to strike in Operation Gas Geese………
- I believe indie rockers Kaiser Chiefs said it best on their debut album in 2005: I predict a riot. It’s true in most any city where a major college or professional sports team wins a championship, but perhaps nowhere is it truer than in Los Angeles. Los Angelinos love to riot when their teams win and in recent years, the only SoCal team bringing home titles has been the Los Angeles Lakers. With their chances to riot limited to only one team, you just knew that the diehard Lakers fans in L.A. were bracing to riot the instant it became clear that their favorite team had a legitimate chance to win its 15th NBA championship. Some time around the All-Star break, they began collecting spare bricks, searching for just the right rocks to hurl and practicing their car-flipping and dumpster-burning techniques. All of that hard work and preparation paid off Monday night, with fans bum-rushing the streets before the final seconds ticked off the clock in the Lakers’ Game 5 triumph in Orlando to win the NBA Finals by a 4-1 count. The fans knew it was coming, the police knew it was coming and even the Lakers knew it was coming. The team and city officials tried to get out ahead of it by having Lakers star Kobe Bryant film a TV commercial that aired near the end of Game 5, urging fans to “celebrate responsibly.” Right, because that commercial was going to work. You could have looped that spot 24/7 every day since the start of the season and it wouldn’t have made a difference. These freaks who hit the streets looking to loot, riot, pillage, plunder and burn when their team wins a championship LIVE for that moment. To them, it’s not truly a championship until they’ve turned over a car, smashed a store window and looted inside or hurled a brick at the cops. The chance to riot is just as important to them as seeing their players hoist the championship trophy. That much is evident by the fact that many of the rioters were headed out to the streets before the game even ended. It made for an interesting night in L.A., to say the least. In the riots, 25 people were arrested for disturbing the peace, arson and other infractions and eight police officers suffered minor injuries and were taken to hospitals for treatment. A shoe store was vandalized and looted, as were buses and police cars (big ups on that, by the way) and several fires were set around town. I’m just guessing, but I’d say that at least half of the rioters had perhaps drank an alcoholic beverage or five. My favorite part of the night may be the fact that among the 25 people arrested for rioting, three of them were juveniles. Yes, three parents either allowed their child to hit the streets and riot or were right there with them, lobbing empty beer bottles at police cars and smashing store windows. Nothing says good parenting or supporting your favorite sports team more than some parent-child rioting action, no doubt. So a big tip of the cap to all the zealots, er, fans in L.A. who took time out of their evening on Monday to join other fans in the street and show their passion and fandom by rioting, well done…….
Monday, June 15, 2009
Greek's season finale, Letterman v. the Palins and why I'm ready to bomb China but American leaders aren't
- Let’s go, time to bomb the sh*t out of China! Who’s with me? The Chinese have clearly provoked us by….wait, what’s that? The Chinese submarine that hit an underwater sonar array being towed by the destroyer USS John McCain on Thursday did so accidentally? So the damage to the array was unintentional and not provocation to touch off a major international war? Dang. Are we sure about this, like 105 percent sure? Apparently so, because U.S. Navy officials are accepting that this incident, which ccurred near Subic Bay off the coast of the Philippines, was an accident. The incident hasn’t officially been made public yet, but an unidentified Navy official confirmed the incident. A sonar array is a device towed behind a ship that listens and locates underwater sounds, but it’s not clear whether the device alerted the U.S. ship that the submarine was that close to it. One reason the Navy does not believe this was intentional harassment by the Chinese is that it would have been extremely dangerous had the array gotten caught in the submarine's propellers. However, there is a definite precedent for Chinese vessels, often fishing boats, to purposely attempt to get in the way of the U.S. Navy while it conducted activities in international waters near China. The best-known incident was in March, when five Chinese vessels “accidentally wandered” close enough to the USNS Impeccable to warrant the use of a fire hose by the unarmed American vessel to avoid a collision. Video of that incident was released by the Navy, but I wouldn’t expect the same for this one since it was an “accident” and all. So sadly, it doesn’t appear that the U.S. is going to use this as an excuse to start dropping bombs on China………
- I give. I don’t know the answer to the question of how a jail inmate in New York is able to throw a blowout bar mitzvah for his son inside a detention facility, complete with live music and catered kosher food. Tuvia Stern is serving at least 2 1/2 years for a first-degree grand larceny conviction, yet he was able to swing a full-on bar mitzvah for his 13-year-old son in the visiting room of the Manhattan Detention Complex, a facility known locally as "The Tombs.” On this day, it was party central and no one seems to be quite sure how that happened. Throwing a party inside prison takes a lot of doing, what with dozens of visitors being allowed in, all of the decorations and music, preparing and serving the food, etc. It would require the help and cooperation of a lot of people, which is probably why five correction employees, including a rabbi, an assistant commissioner, a warden and two assistant chiefs, are being disciplined as a result of the incident. Why so many people were willing to break scores of rules to help a convicted criminal throw a bar mitzvah for his son is the question that New York officials want answered. After all, I’m guessing that more than a few tax dollars were used for the event and that’s not exactly what the government has in mind when it issues funding for prisons. Some 60 people attended the event and worse still, they were allowed to use cell phones -- which are normally prohibited at the jail. So not only were these people in the prison when they shouldn’t have been, they were breaking even more rules once inside. All of this happened and not a single red flag was raised anywhere along the chain of command. It’s not clear how city officials found out about the party, but I think we all know that if you have an event that big with more than 60 people involved, someone is bound to bump their gums and talk about it to the wrong person. Thankfully that happened here so that the idiots who facilitated this debacle can be punished for their stupidity…….
- Going in, the Greek season finale seemed like it would be all about the Cappie-Casey-Max love triangle….and mostly, it was. The non-triangle parts of the show were actually pretty interesting, so let’s begin there. In the wake of the prank to ruin the IKI-Omega Chi float at the homecoming game, the Pan-Hellenic council met to decide what to do to the accused float-pranksters. That meant calling the Kappa Tau’s and Zeta Beta Zeta’s onto the carpet. The KT’s almost completely skated because the fraternity side of the council acted like typical college guys, loving the prank and deciding that since they had to issue a punishment, they would force the KT’s to empty their social calendar - for all of two weeks. With that light sentence, the KT’s planned one last party before their two-week hiatus, the aptly-named “End of the World” bash. As for the ZBZ’s, they weren’t so fortunate. The sorority side of the council decided to hold Ashleigh personally responsible for her sorority’s role in the float prank and after debating, to report her to the school’s administration for discipline. Left with few choices, Ashleigh, BFF Casey and ZBZ sister Rebecca Logan try everything they can to get some leverage on IKI president Frannie, who is leading the Pan-Hellenic charge against them. They try bribing one of the more ditzy IKI sisters with a muffin and getting her to spill secrets, which she actually does. She reveals that Joan, the landlady who owns the IKI house and lives on the top floor, grows marijuana plants in her room. Armed with that information, Ashleigh and Casey prepare for the next Pan-Hellenic hearing. However, Casey becomes too caught up in her own personal drama and forgets the meeting. Ashleigh goes it alone and actually saves her won hide not by using the dirt on Joan’s pot farm, but rather by standing up the Frannie and confronting her with the reality of what a joke the IKI house really is. Frannie takes the words to heart and actually withdraws her complaint against the ZBZ’s just as the council is about to hand down Ashleigh’s punishment, which could be as severe as expulsion from Cyprus Rhodes. Instead, Frannie pulls the complaint and later in the day informs Casey that she’s disbanding IKI, finishing up her classes and graduating. Frannie is leaving CRU, so she may actually be gone when the new season premieres. Sadly still around will be Dale, Rusty’s roommate who is still dating Sheila, the manager of he and Rusty’s apartment complex. When Sheila continues to tempt him and try to get him to sleep with her and break his purity pledge, Dale turns to an unlikely source: Rusty’s pal and the show’s resident gay guy, Calvin. Because Calvin is dealing with his own temptation in the form of new Omega Chi roommate Grant, he and Dale make an uncomfortable truce and agreement to help each other out. Dale claims to be Calvin’s boyfriend to ward off Grant, while Calvin hangs out with Sheila and Dale at the apartment to keep things from going too far. In the end, both of them end up at the KT party and Dale and Sheila wind up off to the side, making out. Grant spots it and points it out to Calvin, who admits that Dale isn’t really his boyfriend and then kisses Grant. As for Rusty, he’s thrown for a loop when he receives a D on an organic chemistry test. His advisor, Dr. Hastings, doesn’t like him that much and when Rusty goes to him for help, Hastings asks how the bad grade happened. Rusty, who has been juggling his KT obligations, new girlfriend Jordan and his classes, blames it on all the time he spent recently for a project in his art history class. Blaming a liberal arts class endears him to Hastings, a hardcore science guy with no use for “those damn hippies” in the liberal arts. Hastings offers to help Rusty get his O-chem grade up and tells him that their work will begin with an all-night lab session the same night as the KT party. Rusty shows up and put in a few hours, but ultimately the lure of the party pulls him from the lab to be with his friends and girlfriend and he decides that his academic career can wait until tomorrow. Rusty may have had a happy ending to the season, but not his big sister. When Max returns a day early from studying abroad and finds her at Dobler’s, Casey is happy to see him but also emotionally confused. After admitting to Ashleigh last episode that she’s still not over Cappie, Casey begins waffling on who she wants to be with. She even makes a pro/con list to help figure things out and realizes that she’s been in one love triangle after another since breaking up with Cappie. The common denominator in every one of them has been Cappie, whom she realizes is the guy she wants. When she tracks Cappie down at the KT party and pulls him into a closet to tell him her decision, something surprising happens. After being kissed by Casey and hearing that she wants to be with him, Cappie turns her down. He reminds her that she broke up with him for a reason - because he’s a slacker, unreliable, unambitious frat guy - and that she shouldn’t throw away what she has with Max on an emotional rush. When Casey insists that this is what she wants, she’s heartbroken to learn that Cappie doesn’t even want to give it a shot. Coming out of the closet, Max spots them and is immediately suspicious. Cappie falls on the grenade by lying and saying that he’s been hitting on Casey with Max gone because he’s not over her. Max buys the lie, but when he and Casey find an empty room to talk, the story changes quickly. Casey defends Cappie when Max rages on and on about him, leading Max to wonder why. Casey finally admits that although nothing is going to happen between her and Cappie (without explaining why), her relationship with Max isn’t going anywhere either. “You’re the perfect guy, you’re just not perfect for me,” she explains. Not what a guy who gave up a graduate assistantship in California for a girl wants to hear, for sure. Now broken up with the girl he loves, Max gets wasted and ends up sitting on a bench outside the KT house, talking to Rusty. Never pick the girl over a big life opportunity, he warns his pal. Of course, Rusty has done just that, albeit on a smaller scale. Casey finds Ashleigh, tells her what happened and then leaves for home for some alone time. Ashleigh then breaks free from boyfriend Fisher for a moment to find Cappie, sitting on the roof of the house, and tell him that Casey will keep coming back to him because they’re meant for each other. As the third season of Greek ends, she asks him what he’s going to do. And so the season comes to a close, a really fun season and every bit as good as the first two. The show is set for an August return, so tune in for that…….
- Umpires catch a lot of crap from fans at baseball games, whether it’s a Little League contest or a Major League Baseball game. Most of the time, the ump doesn’t react to the fans no matter what they say and how foul their language is. It’s what umpires are trained to do because the instant they respond to even one fan who baits them, they’ve opened a can of worms and things can spiral out of control quickly. So when you hear a story of an umpire finally having enough of a crowd’s unruly behavior and responding to it, it’s surprising. Hearing that this umpire ejected not one, not two, not even a small group of fans but rather the entire crowd - that’s just bizarre. Umpire Don Briggs was umpiring a game on Thursday Winfield-Mount Union and West Burlington in West Burlington, Iowa. The more than 100 fans were being typical fans, yelling, cheering and being annoying. However, Briggs felt they were out of hand and when they became too unruly and began arguing with one another and screaming things he felt were inappropriate, he stopped the game and ejected every single fan. The game halted for 40 minutes after Briggs called police and they came to help clear the stands out. Once there were no fans left, the game resumed and West Burlington won 12-11. What’s curious is that Briggs seems to be the only one who had an issue with the behavior of the fans during the game. West Burlington Superintendent James Sleister said he didn't see any unusual behavior and said he thought the umpire overreacted and Burlington police officer Al Waterman says he saw no unruliness himself. No one was arrested or cited, so perhaps Briggs was a bit too thin-skinned and needs to stick to Little League or coach pitch games where the players are just happy to get a juice box on the bench and ice cream after the games. The fans and parents at those games should be a little easier for him to handle and maybe he’ll only have to eject a handful of them………
- Gov. Sarah Palin may no longer be an under-qualified candidate for the second most powerful elected office in the United States, but returning to be the under-qualified governor of our nation’s least inhabitable state doesn’t mean she’s dropped out of the public eye here in the lower 48. She and her husband, Todd, are currently engaged in a battle of words with CBS late-night host David Letterman after he took a series of verbal pot shots at their family. For my money, Letterman’s brand of humor has never been all that funny and he’s much more arrogant than his talent level would dictate, so I’m not inclined to take up for him here, no matter how much I dislike Palin. Of all Letterman’s gimmicks on “The Late Show,” his “Top 10” lists are his best-known. They’re somewhat funny from time to time, but the "Top 10" list Letterman presented Tuesday night was a) not funny and b) pretty classless. The list focused on Palin's recent trip to New York, a trip in which Palin took in a Yankees game and made the rounds in Manhattan. Among the entries on the list of things Palin fictitiously did for purposes of the list, she: "Bought makeup from Bloomingdale's to update her 'slutty flight attendant' look," Letterman said. Hmmmm…..not funny, not exactly tasteful….but not that bad. Had that been the worst thing Letterman said, there wouldn’t be a controversy here. No, that came when he referenced Palin’s trip to the Yankees game with 14-year-old daughter Willow. "One awkward moment for Sarah Palin at the Yankee game, during the seventh inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez,” Letterman quipped. Umm….not okay. No sarcasm here; any jokes about sexual activity involving 14-year-olds is over the line. Besides, I don’t see the link there between A-Rod and Willow Palin. After all, A-Rod tends to pursue women on the other end of the age scale. He’s a cougar chaser, as per his relationship with skanky pop singer Madonna. Or, he makes out with the reflection of himself in the mirror for a magazine photo shoot. Either way, he’s never been accused of any sort of sexual crime or dated a woman significantly younger than himself. So the joke misfires on every possible level and as such, I can see where the Palin family would be upset. Even after Letterman invited the Palins to come on his show for an in-person apology, they shot him down. “The Palins have no intention of providing a ratings boost for David Letterman by appearing on his show. Plus, it would be wise to keep Willow away from David Letterman," PalinPAC spokeswoman Meghan Stapleton said. The couple also posted a statement on Facebook denouncing Letterman’s comments, adding that “acceptance of inappropriate sexual comments about an underage girl, who could be anyone's daughter, contributes to the atrociously high rate of sexual exploitation of minors by older men who use and abuse others.'” A bit wordy…..but generally on the mark. Step your game up, David Letterman; just because Jay Leno has stepped down as host of the tonight show and your main competition is a man who is nearly as un-funny as you, Conan O’Brian, doesn’t mean you can just start saying anything you want and not even try to put on a decent show…….
- I give. I don’t know the answer to the question of how a jail inmate in New York is able to throw a blowout bar mitzvah for his son inside a detention facility, complete with live music and catered kosher food. Tuvia Stern is serving at least 2 1/2 years for a first-degree grand larceny conviction, yet he was able to swing a full-on bar mitzvah for his 13-year-old son in the visiting room of the Manhattan Detention Complex, a facility known locally as "The Tombs.” On this day, it was party central and no one seems to be quite sure how that happened. Throwing a party inside prison takes a lot of doing, what with dozens of visitors being allowed in, all of the decorations and music, preparing and serving the food, etc. It would require the help and cooperation of a lot of people, which is probably why five correction employees, including a rabbi, an assistant commissioner, a warden and two assistant chiefs, are being disciplined as a result of the incident. Why so many people were willing to break scores of rules to help a convicted criminal throw a bar mitzvah for his son is the question that New York officials want answered. After all, I’m guessing that more than a few tax dollars were used for the event and that’s not exactly what the government has in mind when it issues funding for prisons. Some 60 people attended the event and worse still, they were allowed to use cell phones -- which are normally prohibited at the jail. So not only were these people in the prison when they shouldn’t have been, they were breaking even more rules once inside. All of this happened and not a single red flag was raised anywhere along the chain of command. It’s not clear how city officials found out about the party, but I think we all know that if you have an event that big with more than 60 people involved, someone is bound to bump their gums and talk about it to the wrong person. Thankfully that happened here so that the idiots who facilitated this debacle can be punished for their stupidity…….
- Going in, the Greek season finale seemed like it would be all about the Cappie-Casey-Max love triangle….and mostly, it was. The non-triangle parts of the show were actually pretty interesting, so let’s begin there. In the wake of the prank to ruin the IKI-Omega Chi float at the homecoming game, the Pan-Hellenic council met to decide what to do to the accused float-pranksters. That meant calling the Kappa Tau’s and Zeta Beta Zeta’s onto the carpet. The KT’s almost completely skated because the fraternity side of the council acted like typical college guys, loving the prank and deciding that since they had to issue a punishment, they would force the KT’s to empty their social calendar - for all of two weeks. With that light sentence, the KT’s planned one last party before their two-week hiatus, the aptly-named “End of the World” bash. As for the ZBZ’s, they weren’t so fortunate. The sorority side of the council decided to hold Ashleigh personally responsible for her sorority’s role in the float prank and after debating, to report her to the school’s administration for discipline. Left with few choices, Ashleigh, BFF Casey and ZBZ sister Rebecca Logan try everything they can to get some leverage on IKI president Frannie, who is leading the Pan-Hellenic charge against them. They try bribing one of the more ditzy IKI sisters with a muffin and getting her to spill secrets, which she actually does. She reveals that Joan, the landlady who owns the IKI house and lives on the top floor, grows marijuana plants in her room. Armed with that information, Ashleigh and Casey prepare for the next Pan-Hellenic hearing. However, Casey becomes too caught up in her own personal drama and forgets the meeting. Ashleigh goes it alone and actually saves her won hide not by using the dirt on Joan’s pot farm, but rather by standing up the Frannie and confronting her with the reality of what a joke the IKI house really is. Frannie takes the words to heart and actually withdraws her complaint against the ZBZ’s just as the council is about to hand down Ashleigh’s punishment, which could be as severe as expulsion from Cyprus Rhodes. Instead, Frannie pulls the complaint and later in the day informs Casey that she’s disbanding IKI, finishing up her classes and graduating. Frannie is leaving CRU, so she may actually be gone when the new season premieres. Sadly still around will be Dale, Rusty’s roommate who is still dating Sheila, the manager of he and Rusty’s apartment complex. When Sheila continues to tempt him and try to get him to sleep with her and break his purity pledge, Dale turns to an unlikely source: Rusty’s pal and the show’s resident gay guy, Calvin. Because Calvin is dealing with his own temptation in the form of new Omega Chi roommate Grant, he and Dale make an uncomfortable truce and agreement to help each other out. Dale claims to be Calvin’s boyfriend to ward off Grant, while Calvin hangs out with Sheila and Dale at the apartment to keep things from going too far. In the end, both of them end up at the KT party and Dale and Sheila wind up off to the side, making out. Grant spots it and points it out to Calvin, who admits that Dale isn’t really his boyfriend and then kisses Grant. As for Rusty, he’s thrown for a loop when he receives a D on an organic chemistry test. His advisor, Dr. Hastings, doesn’t like him that much and when Rusty goes to him for help, Hastings asks how the bad grade happened. Rusty, who has been juggling his KT obligations, new girlfriend Jordan and his classes, blames it on all the time he spent recently for a project in his art history class. Blaming a liberal arts class endears him to Hastings, a hardcore science guy with no use for “those damn hippies” in the liberal arts. Hastings offers to help Rusty get his O-chem grade up and tells him that their work will begin with an all-night lab session the same night as the KT party. Rusty shows up and put in a few hours, but ultimately the lure of the party pulls him from the lab to be with his friends and girlfriend and he decides that his academic career can wait until tomorrow. Rusty may have had a happy ending to the season, but not his big sister. When Max returns a day early from studying abroad and finds her at Dobler’s, Casey is happy to see him but also emotionally confused. After admitting to Ashleigh last episode that she’s still not over Cappie, Casey begins waffling on who she wants to be with. She even makes a pro/con list to help figure things out and realizes that she’s been in one love triangle after another since breaking up with Cappie. The common denominator in every one of them has been Cappie, whom she realizes is the guy she wants. When she tracks Cappie down at the KT party and pulls him into a closet to tell him her decision, something surprising happens. After being kissed by Casey and hearing that she wants to be with him, Cappie turns her down. He reminds her that she broke up with him for a reason - because he’s a slacker, unreliable, unambitious frat guy - and that she shouldn’t throw away what she has with Max on an emotional rush. When Casey insists that this is what she wants, she’s heartbroken to learn that Cappie doesn’t even want to give it a shot. Coming out of the closet, Max spots them and is immediately suspicious. Cappie falls on the grenade by lying and saying that he’s been hitting on Casey with Max gone because he’s not over her. Max buys the lie, but when he and Casey find an empty room to talk, the story changes quickly. Casey defends Cappie when Max rages on and on about him, leading Max to wonder why. Casey finally admits that although nothing is going to happen between her and Cappie (without explaining why), her relationship with Max isn’t going anywhere either. “You’re the perfect guy, you’re just not perfect for me,” she explains. Not what a guy who gave up a graduate assistantship in California for a girl wants to hear, for sure. Now broken up with the girl he loves, Max gets wasted and ends up sitting on a bench outside the KT house, talking to Rusty. Never pick the girl over a big life opportunity, he warns his pal. Of course, Rusty has done just that, albeit on a smaller scale. Casey finds Ashleigh, tells her what happened and then leaves for home for some alone time. Ashleigh then breaks free from boyfriend Fisher for a moment to find Cappie, sitting on the roof of the house, and tell him that Casey will keep coming back to him because they’re meant for each other. As the third season of Greek ends, she asks him what he’s going to do. And so the season comes to a close, a really fun season and every bit as good as the first two. The show is set for an August return, so tune in for that…….
- Umpires catch a lot of crap from fans at baseball games, whether it’s a Little League contest or a Major League Baseball game. Most of the time, the ump doesn’t react to the fans no matter what they say and how foul their language is. It’s what umpires are trained to do because the instant they respond to even one fan who baits them, they’ve opened a can of worms and things can spiral out of control quickly. So when you hear a story of an umpire finally having enough of a crowd’s unruly behavior and responding to it, it’s surprising. Hearing that this umpire ejected not one, not two, not even a small group of fans but rather the entire crowd - that’s just bizarre. Umpire Don Briggs was umpiring a game on Thursday Winfield-Mount Union and West Burlington in West Burlington, Iowa. The more than 100 fans were being typical fans, yelling, cheering and being annoying. However, Briggs felt they were out of hand and when they became too unruly and began arguing with one another and screaming things he felt were inappropriate, he stopped the game and ejected every single fan. The game halted for 40 minutes after Briggs called police and they came to help clear the stands out. Once there were no fans left, the game resumed and West Burlington won 12-11. What’s curious is that Briggs seems to be the only one who had an issue with the behavior of the fans during the game. West Burlington Superintendent James Sleister said he didn't see any unusual behavior and said he thought the umpire overreacted and Burlington police officer Al Waterman says he saw no unruliness himself. No one was arrested or cited, so perhaps Briggs was a bit too thin-skinned and needs to stick to Little League or coach pitch games where the players are just happy to get a juice box on the bench and ice cream after the games. The fans and parents at those games should be a little easier for him to handle and maybe he’ll only have to eject a handful of them………
- Gov. Sarah Palin may no longer be an under-qualified candidate for the second most powerful elected office in the United States, but returning to be the under-qualified governor of our nation’s least inhabitable state doesn’t mean she’s dropped out of the public eye here in the lower 48. She and her husband, Todd, are currently engaged in a battle of words with CBS late-night host David Letterman after he took a series of verbal pot shots at their family. For my money, Letterman’s brand of humor has never been all that funny and he’s much more arrogant than his talent level would dictate, so I’m not inclined to take up for him here, no matter how much I dislike Palin. Of all Letterman’s gimmicks on “The Late Show,” his “Top 10” lists are his best-known. They’re somewhat funny from time to time, but the "Top 10" list Letterman presented Tuesday night was a) not funny and b) pretty classless. The list focused on Palin's recent trip to New York, a trip in which Palin took in a Yankees game and made the rounds in Manhattan. Among the entries on the list of things Palin fictitiously did for purposes of the list, she: "Bought makeup from Bloomingdale's to update her 'slutty flight attendant' look," Letterman said. Hmmmm…..not funny, not exactly tasteful….but not that bad. Had that been the worst thing Letterman said, there wouldn’t be a controversy here. No, that came when he referenced Palin’s trip to the Yankees game with 14-year-old daughter Willow. "One awkward moment for Sarah Palin at the Yankee game, during the seventh inning, her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez,” Letterman quipped. Umm….not okay. No sarcasm here; any jokes about sexual activity involving 14-year-olds is over the line. Besides, I don’t see the link there between A-Rod and Willow Palin. After all, A-Rod tends to pursue women on the other end of the age scale. He’s a cougar chaser, as per his relationship with skanky pop singer Madonna. Or, he makes out with the reflection of himself in the mirror for a magazine photo shoot. Either way, he’s never been accused of any sort of sexual crime or dated a woman significantly younger than himself. So the joke misfires on every possible level and as such, I can see where the Palin family would be upset. Even after Letterman invited the Palins to come on his show for an in-person apology, they shot him down. “The Palins have no intention of providing a ratings boost for David Letterman by appearing on his show. Plus, it would be wise to keep Willow away from David Letterman," PalinPAC spokeswoman Meghan Stapleton said. The couple also posted a statement on Facebook denouncing Letterman’s comments, adding that “acceptance of inappropriate sexual comments about an underage girl, who could be anyone's daughter, contributes to the atrociously high rate of sexual exploitation of minors by older men who use and abuse others.'” A bit wordy…..but generally on the mark. Step your game up, David Letterman; just because Jay Leno has stepped down as host of the tonight show and your main competition is a man who is nearly as un-funny as you, Conan O’Brian, doesn’t mean you can just start saying anything you want and not even try to put on a decent show…….
Sunday, June 14, 2009
The Cleveland Indians bite the beak that feeds them, kicking it up a notch in North Korea and wondering how anyone is mad at Jessica Alba
- At 28-36, the Cleveland Indians might want to reconsider their plan to address the “problem” of seagulls invading Progressive Field and affecting games. Sure, Shin-Soo Choo's single in the 10th inning Thursday night struck one of the gulls, allowing the winning run to score without a throw in a victory against the Kansas City Royals. The Royals weren’t happy with the birds affecting the outcome of the game and I get how the Indians need to put on a front of being concerned about the birds. I just hope that privately, the team’s deep thinkers are not seriously considering finding a way to get rid of the birds. "Our people are all over it right now and looking for solutions," team president Paul Dolan said. "I'm not sure it's going to go away." You’d better hope it doesn’t go away, P. Without those birds or the midges that helped the Indians in the 2007 playoffs, I don’t know that the 2009 Cleveland Indians are going to have a ton of success. With pitching that is among the worst in Major League Baseball and star center fielder Grady Sizemore on the disabled list, the Tribe is currently rocking a very impressive fourth-place standing in the American League Central. Having seagulls out on the field to distract opposing teams and interfere with games at key moments might help push that up to third place or even second place by season’s end. So go ahead and contact various wildlife and animal organizations to figure out what’s going on, just don’t do anything about it. The team allegedly found out from several of those organizations that increased nesting on flat rooftop buildings in Cleveland's Flats district has led to the ballpark's problems. What I don’t want to see is any more stunts like the one that occurred during Friday night’s game against the St. Louis Cardinals, when the team set off fireworks to scare the birds away and the flocks were noticeably smaller. “Gulls are riding the wind currents up the valley to the ballpark in search for food scraps to feed their young," Indians spokesman Bob DiBiasio said in a statement. "The Indians are continuing to research ways to control this issue under the guidance of gulls being federally protected.” Hear that, haters? Federally protected gulls! Aside from being a great potential name for an indie rock band, that means you can't just bust out guns and try to blast this problem away. I also get the impression that Indians players don’t fully appreciate what the gulls are trying to do for them, as evidenced by the ill-reasoned comments by one Ryan Garko, Cleveland first baseman/outfielder. “Something needs to be done,” Garko said. "There's got to be a way to get rid of them. It's kind of embarrassing. We look like a bunch of kids playing on an abandoned field. It's kind of funny, but kind of not funny.” Funny? No, but it helped you win a game, Garko, and at this point you should be thankful instead of complaining……..
- International pissing contests are always fun…..right up to the point that someone weaponizes all of its plutonium. At that point, the proceedings go from amusing to downright scary. Leave it to freaking North Korea to take it a step too far, lashing out at the international community and the U.N. Security Council in particular for the decision to tighten economic and political sanctions on the North because of its continued long-range missile testing. Now, North Korea is threatening to strengthen its nuclear capabilities by enriching uranium and weaponizing all plutonium. As you probably know, uranium enriched to a high degree can be used for weapons-grade material. With enriched plutonium, you can make yourself some handy atomic bombs. These threats come in response to Friday's U.N. resolution, which North Korea views as a blockade. “No matter how hard the U.S.-led hostile forces may try all sorts of isolation and blockade, the DPRK (Democratic People's Republic of Korea), a proud nuclear power, will not flinch from them," the country’s state-run news agency said. In other words, the United States is the bad guy and they are behind everything that’s going on. How very bigoted of you, North Korea. The U.S. makes its share of mistakes on the international scene, but calling you out for your increasingly hostile stance toward the world and insistence on developing extremely dangerous weapons isn’t one of them. The U.N. Security Council unanimously voted 15-0 on Friday to expand and tighten sanctions on your country, so everyone agreed and voted the way they wanted to. There is no one country to blame for imposing an embargo on the shipment of arms from your little communist regime and broadening a ban on the import of weapons. There just isn’t any other way to spin conducting a nuclear test, firing test rockets and threatening United States and South Korean ships near your territorial waters than to say it’s an outright hostile action designed to intimidate and provoke. I think it’s time for North Korea to stop pretending that it’s not trying to do what we all know it is trying to do - arm itself for the impending start of World War III. These actions have nothing to do with anyone threatening to invade or attack North Korea, they’re for the North to use when it finds the smallest, most opportunistic opening to cite provocation and fire them off. Normally I’m not for one nation or a group of nations telling another nation what it can or can’t do, but I’ll make an exception here. Big ups to the U.N. Security Council for deciding to "exercise vigilance" over the direct or indirect supply, sale or transfer to North Korea of small arms or light weapons. Requiring five days advance notice before selling arms to the North is a smart move, even if they’ll find a way to procure the weapons they want anyhow. Just give me a heads up when you plan on kicking off WWIII, N. Korea, because I’m currently in five different office pools guessing who will start the festivities and I have you over Iran in all of them………
- I am openly ashamed of U2. While the stigma of touring with those pop-punk hacks from No Doubt is still wearing off several years after the fact, Bono and the boys are doing everything possible to sully their legendary musical reputation once again. By comparison, touring with no doubt is touring with freaking Nirvana by comparison. For five shows in October, U2 will have……the freaking Hack Eyed Peas as an opening act. Yes, Fergie and those three hipster losers who rock ugly plaid pants and moronic hats will ply their abysmal music on stage with one of the world’s greatest rock bands. Prior to ruining those five U2 shows, the HEP will have a turn at headlining their own tour in support of their crap-tastic new album, "The E.N.D.” They’ll be terrorizing festivals in North America and Europe, then hitting the road to show off gawd-awful live version of their sh*tty songs from the new album. "It's going to be the biggest tour, production-wise, that we've ever done. We're actually planning for that now, which we've never done before -- actually plan for a tour,” Fergie explained. I suppose that’s good, because perhaps such extensive production can obscure the terrible music - but I doubt it. Fact is, being over-produced and synthesized is what makes groups like the HEP so terrible to begin with. All of their glitzy tour antics I expect because…..well, they’re the Hack Eyed Pears; it’s what they do and it’s who they are. That I understand, but what I don’t get is how in the world U2 is cool with sharing the same stage as these musical midgets. Is U2 so busy that they have never heard of the HEP and have no idea how bad they are or the type of sewage-quality pop music they “sing”? Now I can't even listen to songs from U2’s new album “No Line on the Horizon” without having horrific mental flashes of them following the HEP onto the stage. The only possible solace is that Fergie is branching out into acting and perhaps she’ll enjoy it so much that she stops making what she wrongly calls music altogether. She’ll be appearing this fall in "Nine," Academy Award-winning director Rob Marshall's film adaptation of the Tony Award-winning musical. It seems odd for me to say that I’m rooting for anything this chick does to succeed, but acting is one thing I can get behind as long as it means less and less of her music…….
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Let the riots begin in Iran, where Iran's Interior Minister announced Saturday that incumbent president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad had won 63 percent of the vote in the nation's presidential poll. Before the announcement even came down, opposition groups and supporters of reformist challenger Mir-Hossein Mousavi were claiming vote rigging and fraud. Mousavi even held a press conference in which he declared that based on observations at polling locations by his campaign officials, he had won the election. He went on the explain that vote rigging was well underway and that unless the true will of the people - him winning the election - was honored, there would be massive riots. Now that is the kind of speech I like to hear from a political leader, promising riots. I’d vote for the guy myself if I could based solely on that. So few politicians have the chutzpah to promise riots these days. Sure enough, once the election results were announced and Ahmadinejad was declared the winner, the riots began. The Interior Ministry released early voting results on state television shortly after midnight and the requisite groups of Ahmadinejad sycophants . Small groups of Ahmadinejad supporters gathered in various spots around Tehran to celebrate with banners, posters and imbecilic chants of "Ahmadinejad is love.” The response from Mousavi’s supporters was much better. Many of them gathered at his campaign offices and at one locations, protestors faced off with police, who broke up a large crowd of supporters with batons and closed down the building. By the time the sun rose in Tehran Saturday morning, the overriding sentiment of the city in regards to Ahmadinejad’s re-election was: "It's not possible!" The day kicked off with hordes of angry protestors flocking to the city's squares and main streets, where police in riot gear were waiting. Protestors and police battled all day long, with police breaking out batons and pepper spray and severely beating protestors, including one instance in which witnesses say the police beat a young man to death north of Vanak Square. The images of protestors hurling rocks, setting things on fire and fighting with police are fantastic, to say the least. The Man is loathsome and hateable anywhere in the world, but perhaps nowhere more so than in countries ruled by tyrannical regimes like Iran. Seeing police on motorcycles and dressed in body armor charge into the crowds, toting billy clubs and followed by police on foot, with clubs and shields was enough to make the blood of any good social dissident boil. The Mousavi supporters were pushed onto side streets, where they regrouped and chanted, “Death to the Dictator" (beautiful words) and "Iran looks like Palestine" (an apparent reference to the scenes of heavily armored Israeli police battling Palestinian rock-throwers). Don’t expect these riots to cease any time soon, not with Mousavi still out in front, charging election fraud and inciting the protests. So riot on, Mousavi supporters, riot on. Keep throwing rocks, keep lighting dumpsters on fire and keep sticking it to The Man………
- How can a woman so hot be on anyone’s bad side, especially when she’s fighting to protect an endangered species? I guess that’s why people like me aren’t in charge of determining whether or not ladies like Jessica Alba are guilty of crimes. Alba is apologizing to the people of Oklahoma City for defacing parts of the city by reportedly plastering posters of great white sharks on electrical boxes, a bridge and a United Way billboard. The posters show a picture of a great white shark and are the propaganda of an activist group looking to raise public awareness of the species’ endangered status. “I got involved in something I should have had no part of," Alba said in a written statement. "I realize that I should have used better judgment, and I regret not thinking things through before I made a spontaneous and ill-advised decision to let myself get involved with the people behind this campaign. I sincerely apologize to the citizens of Oklahoma City and to the United Way for my involvement in this incident.” Why? Just because photos of you putting up the posters during the night and giving the “peace” sign with your fingers popped up on the Web site WhiteMike.com last week, that’s no reason to apologize for anything. I know you may not have extensive experience in the world of protests/riots, Ms. Alba, but take it from someone very much entrenched in that culture: apologies are for sellouts. You do what you need to do for your cause, you make your point and you don’t say “sorry” to anyone for anything. It just so happened that Alba was in the Oklahoma City area filming a new movie, "The Killer Inside Me," with Kate Hudson and Casey Affleck and had an opportunity to make a statement for a cause she clearly cares about. Besides, the movie is filming in Guthrie, Okla. and honestly, there can’t be that much to do in Guthrie. So what if Alba slipped away during the night, made the drive to Oklahoma City and put up some posters? She didn’t even destroy any property, deface anything or do any permanent damage. All the police need to do to “recover” from her so-called crime was take down the posters. So far, Alba hasn’t been arrested or charged with any crime. The city will now contact the owners of the property to see if they want to press charges. She could be hit with charges on any number of violations of city laws, anything vandalism to tagging, that prohibit the defacing of property. Again, this is a pretty flimsy example of defacing property, so hopefully the property owners who had posters put up on their property by Alba will realize how foolish that pressing charges against such an über-hot chick is…….
- International pissing contests are always fun…..right up to the point that someone weaponizes all of its plutonium. At that point, the proceedings go from amusing to downright scary. Leave it to freaking North Korea to take it a step too far, lashing out at the international community and the U.N. Security Council in particular for the decision to tighten economic and political sanctions on the North because of its continued long-range missile testing. Now, North Korea is threatening to strengthen its nuclear capabilities by enriching uranium and weaponizing all plutonium. As you probably know, uranium enriched to a high degree can be used for weapons-grade material. With enriched plutonium, you can make yourself some handy atomic bombs. These threats come in response to Friday's U.N. resolution, which North Korea views as a blockade. “No matter how hard the U.S.-led hostile forces may try all sorts of isolation and blockade, the DPRK (Democratic People's Republic of Korea), a proud nuclear power, will not flinch from them," the country’s state-run news agency said. In other words, the United States is the bad guy and they are behind everything that’s going on. How very bigoted of you, North Korea. The U.S. makes its share of mistakes on the international scene, but calling you out for your increasingly hostile stance toward the world and insistence on developing extremely dangerous weapons isn’t one of them. The U.N. Security Council unanimously voted 15-0 on Friday to expand and tighten sanctions on your country, so everyone agreed and voted the way they wanted to. There is no one country to blame for imposing an embargo on the shipment of arms from your little communist regime and broadening a ban on the import of weapons. There just isn’t any other way to spin conducting a nuclear test, firing test rockets and threatening United States and South Korean ships near your territorial waters than to say it’s an outright hostile action designed to intimidate and provoke. I think it’s time for North Korea to stop pretending that it’s not trying to do what we all know it is trying to do - arm itself for the impending start of World War III. These actions have nothing to do with anyone threatening to invade or attack North Korea, they’re for the North to use when it finds the smallest, most opportunistic opening to cite provocation and fire them off. Normally I’m not for one nation or a group of nations telling another nation what it can or can’t do, but I’ll make an exception here. Big ups to the U.N. Security Council for deciding to "exercise vigilance" over the direct or indirect supply, sale or transfer to North Korea of small arms or light weapons. Requiring five days advance notice before selling arms to the North is a smart move, even if they’ll find a way to procure the weapons they want anyhow. Just give me a heads up when you plan on kicking off WWIII, N. Korea, because I’m currently in five different office pools guessing who will start the festivities and I have you over Iran in all of them………
- I am openly ashamed of U2. While the stigma of touring with those pop-punk hacks from No Doubt is still wearing off several years after the fact, Bono and the boys are doing everything possible to sully their legendary musical reputation once again. By comparison, touring with no doubt is touring with freaking Nirvana by comparison. For five shows in October, U2 will have……the freaking Hack Eyed Peas as an opening act. Yes, Fergie and those three hipster losers who rock ugly plaid pants and moronic hats will ply their abysmal music on stage with one of the world’s greatest rock bands. Prior to ruining those five U2 shows, the HEP will have a turn at headlining their own tour in support of their crap-tastic new album, "The E.N.D.” They’ll be terrorizing festivals in North America and Europe, then hitting the road to show off gawd-awful live version of their sh*tty songs from the new album. "It's going to be the biggest tour, production-wise, that we've ever done. We're actually planning for that now, which we've never done before -- actually plan for a tour,” Fergie explained. I suppose that’s good, because perhaps such extensive production can obscure the terrible music - but I doubt it. Fact is, being over-produced and synthesized is what makes groups like the HEP so terrible to begin with. All of their glitzy tour antics I expect because…..well, they’re the Hack Eyed Pears; it’s what they do and it’s who they are. That I understand, but what I don’t get is how in the world U2 is cool with sharing the same stage as these musical midgets. Is U2 so busy that they have never heard of the HEP and have no idea how bad they are or the type of sewage-quality pop music they “sing”? Now I can't even listen to songs from U2’s new album “No Line on the Horizon” without having horrific mental flashes of them following the HEP onto the stage. The only possible solace is that Fergie is branching out into acting and perhaps she’ll enjoy it so much that she stops making what she wrongly calls music altogether. She’ll be appearing this fall in "Nine," Academy Award-winning director Rob Marshall's film adaptation of the Tony Award-winning musical. It seems odd for me to say that I’m rooting for anything this chick does to succeed, but acting is one thing I can get behind as long as it means less and less of her music…….
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! Let the riots begin in Iran, where Iran's Interior Minister announced Saturday that incumbent president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad had won 63 percent of the vote in the nation's presidential poll. Before the announcement even came down, opposition groups and supporters of reformist challenger Mir-Hossein Mousavi were claiming vote rigging and fraud. Mousavi even held a press conference in which he declared that based on observations at polling locations by his campaign officials, he had won the election. He went on the explain that vote rigging was well underway and that unless the true will of the people - him winning the election - was honored, there would be massive riots. Now that is the kind of speech I like to hear from a political leader, promising riots. I’d vote for the guy myself if I could based solely on that. So few politicians have the chutzpah to promise riots these days. Sure enough, once the election results were announced and Ahmadinejad was declared the winner, the riots began. The Interior Ministry released early voting results on state television shortly after midnight and the requisite groups of Ahmadinejad sycophants . Small groups of Ahmadinejad supporters gathered in various spots around Tehran to celebrate with banners, posters and imbecilic chants of "Ahmadinejad is love.” The response from Mousavi’s supporters was much better. Many of them gathered at his campaign offices and at one locations, protestors faced off with police, who broke up a large crowd of supporters with batons and closed down the building. By the time the sun rose in Tehran Saturday morning, the overriding sentiment of the city in regards to Ahmadinejad’s re-election was: "It's not possible!" The day kicked off with hordes of angry protestors flocking to the city's squares and main streets, where police in riot gear were waiting. Protestors and police battled all day long, with police breaking out batons and pepper spray and severely beating protestors, including one instance in which witnesses say the police beat a young man to death north of Vanak Square. The images of protestors hurling rocks, setting things on fire and fighting with police are fantastic, to say the least. The Man is loathsome and hateable anywhere in the world, but perhaps nowhere more so than in countries ruled by tyrannical regimes like Iran. Seeing police on motorcycles and dressed in body armor charge into the crowds, toting billy clubs and followed by police on foot, with clubs and shields was enough to make the blood of any good social dissident boil. The Mousavi supporters were pushed onto side streets, where they regrouped and chanted, “Death to the Dictator" (beautiful words) and "Iran looks like Palestine" (an apparent reference to the scenes of heavily armored Israeli police battling Palestinian rock-throwers). Don’t expect these riots to cease any time soon, not with Mousavi still out in front, charging election fraud and inciting the protests. So riot on, Mousavi supporters, riot on. Keep throwing rocks, keep lighting dumpsters on fire and keep sticking it to The Man………
- How can a woman so hot be on anyone’s bad side, especially when she’s fighting to protect an endangered species? I guess that’s why people like me aren’t in charge of determining whether or not ladies like Jessica Alba are guilty of crimes. Alba is apologizing to the people of Oklahoma City for defacing parts of the city by reportedly plastering posters of great white sharks on electrical boxes, a bridge and a United Way billboard. The posters show a picture of a great white shark and are the propaganda of an activist group looking to raise public awareness of the species’ endangered status. “I got involved in something I should have had no part of," Alba said in a written statement. "I realize that I should have used better judgment, and I regret not thinking things through before I made a spontaneous and ill-advised decision to let myself get involved with the people behind this campaign. I sincerely apologize to the citizens of Oklahoma City and to the United Way for my involvement in this incident.” Why? Just because photos of you putting up the posters during the night and giving the “peace” sign with your fingers popped up on the Web site WhiteMike.com last week, that’s no reason to apologize for anything. I know you may not have extensive experience in the world of protests/riots, Ms. Alba, but take it from someone very much entrenched in that culture: apologies are for sellouts. You do what you need to do for your cause, you make your point and you don’t say “sorry” to anyone for anything. It just so happened that Alba was in the Oklahoma City area filming a new movie, "The Killer Inside Me," with Kate Hudson and Casey Affleck and had an opportunity to make a statement for a cause she clearly cares about. Besides, the movie is filming in Guthrie, Okla. and honestly, there can’t be that much to do in Guthrie. So what if Alba slipped away during the night, made the drive to Oklahoma City and put up some posters? She didn’t even destroy any property, deface anything or do any permanent damage. All the police need to do to “recover” from her so-called crime was take down the posters. So far, Alba hasn’t been arrested or charged with any crime. The city will now contact the owners of the property to see if they want to press charges. She could be hit with charges on any number of violations of city laws, anything vandalism to tagging, that prohibit the defacing of property. Again, this is a pretty flimsy example of defacing property, so hopefully the property owners who had posters put up on their property by Alba will realize how foolish that pressing charges against such an über-hot chick is…….
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Bret Michaels whines about his backdrop beatdown, the merciful end of DTV transition commercials and the bathrobe of death
- So famous people don’t only receive favorable treatment in the American legal system when their case is based in Southern California, good to know. Celebrities also get favorable treatment in New York - or at least star NFL wide receivers do. It’s being reported that former New York Giants receiver Plaxico Burress’ gun case will receive another adjournment at a Monday hearing and according to his attorney, that will postpone the case until "sometime in September." Benjamin Brafman, Burress’ lawyer, seems to believe that his client has a legit shot to play football this season. “As far as I'm concerned, if he wants to play this year, he's able to play,” Brafman said. This is the second adjournment in the case. Back in March, Burress' attorneys had asked for and received an adjournment of his hearing until June 15. Now, they’ll ask again and word is that the prosecutor in the case is inclined to go along with the request. This would create a very interesting dilemma for the NFL and for any team interested in signing Burress. Commissioner Roger Goodell could very well impose a suspension on Burress even though his case is still pending, so any team signing him would obviously want to know if any league discipline was forthcoming. Also, that team would have to consider fan response to signing a guy who faces felony gun charges after shooting himself with an unregistered gun in a New York nightclub, lying to the police about it and giving a fake name to a doctor who then treated him illegally by not reporting his gunshot injury to the police. I doubt that there would be a huge backlash there, as long as Burress produced on the field. After all, people don’t have as strong of ties to Burress leg and harming it as they do to dogs, which will make signing convicted dogfighter Michael Vick much more dicey. Sources say that the three teams with the most interest in signing Burress are the New York Jets, Tampa Bay Buccaneers and Chicago Bears. The Giants released him in April, so that’s obviously one locale he won't be heading to. As for the NFL suspending Burress, the league is playing it close to the vest at this point. “We reserve the right to act accordingly at the appropriate time,” NFL spokesman Greg Aiello said. The legal system also reserves the right to act against Burress….at some point. You know, whenever they get around to it. No biggie, dude is only facing two counts of second-degree criminal possession of a loaded and unlicensed weapon and a mandatory minimum jail sentence of 3½ years. I guess when you have 505 career receptions for 7,845 yards and 55 touchdowns, the judicial system treats you a little nicer than the average criminal…….
- All hail the bathrobe of death. It might sound like a fable, but then again, so would the “latrine of death” in Asia that claimed the lives of three men trying to fish out a lost cell phone - until that happened several years ago. As it happens, the bathrobe of death is an American phenomenon, specifically in Seattle. There, six people have died in fires involving a bathrobe that was recalled for fire safety reasons. The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission is one the case and ordered the recall in April after several cases of the women's full-length chenille robes made by Blair catching fire. So what do these victims have in common, other than wearing the bathrobe of death? Well, five of the six victims were female, all five were cooking at the time of the incidents and three of the victims were in their 80s. In other words, old ladies who probably should not be allowed to cook by themselves managed to get a bath robe that is apparently highly flammable too close to the stove. When the rash of bathrobe fires broke out, Blair claimed that the product passed federal flammability standards with ease. However, the reports of this mini-epidemic in the Pacific Northwest caught the attention of the CPSC and the agency warned consumers to stop wearing the robes immediately and return them to Blair for a full refund. Following the recall of the 162,000 bathrobes deemed a fire hazard, Blair released the following statement: “Even though we had passing flammability tests from accredited overseas labs for each lot of the chenille robes which we imported, concern for our customers prompted us to have robes from our current stock tested at domestic laboratories. When those tests showed that a number of the robes failed to meet federal flammability standards, we immediately contacted the Consumer Product Safety Commission, shared the test results, and entered into a voluntary recall. We owed that to our customers.” Fair enough, given the fact that six people died. Recalling the bathrobes and refunding everyone’s money seems to be the least you could do. Not selling highly flammable, deadly products would also help, but perhaps I’m just being greedy…..
- I’m becoming increasingly curious whether there is anyone who can sink low enough on the totem pole of humanity for the American Civil Liberties Union to not be willing to defend them. If you’re willing to take up for a convicted sex offender, you clearly have either exceptionally low standards or simply no standards at all. The ACLU has taken up the case of Chris Hagan, a Barre, Vermont resident who was ordered to vacate his Barre apartment because of its close proximity to a park. A city ordinance bans sex offenders from living in close proximity to a park, a move designed to protect children that, based on their records, sex offenders would seem to have a tendency to harm. Where most people would see an effort to protect children from a dangerous sexual predator, however, the ACLU sees discrimination and the abuse of a man’s rights. The controversy began in April, when Hagan claims he was told by city officials he was in violation of the city's Child Safety Ordinance. It took just over a month for Hagan to pursue the case against the city, contact the ACLU and have the organization rush to his defense. The American Civil Liberties Union of Vermont has brought a lawsuit against Barre, on behalf of Hagan, based on a claim that the city has no authority to restrict people from living in certain areas. ACLU Executive Director Alan Gilbert hopes a verdict in Hagan’s favor will set a precedent for sick, twisted, pervy sexual predators around the country who want to put children in danger by living wherever they want. “It means that the ordinances in the other municipalities that have been adopted would no longer be enforceable,” Gilbert said. I don’t know which way the judge in the case will rule, but the city is hanging its case on the fact that Hagan knew about the rule before moving into his new apartment and that his landlord told him it might be a problem. Whether prior knowledge of the law by the citizen in question makes it legal, I don’t know. Either way, the presiding judge in the case intends to make a ruling before July 7. Win or lose, the ACLU can hang its hat on having shown once again that no matter how reprehensible, how vile and how heinous a person is, they always have a friend in the American Civil Liberties Union…….
- Did you miss them? By them, of course, I mean the nonstop commercials warning you of the impending apocalypse that is the transition to digital TV in the United States of America. For what seems like decades but may have actually been a year or so, we’ve been pounded relentlessly with warnings that the switch from analog to digital was on the way and that we had better prepare - well, those of us still rocking televisions with rabbit-ear antennas. Those commercials are finally over, relegated to the ever-expanding junkyard of out-of-date ads never to be seen again. The transition to digital TV has been made, with 1,787 U.S. television stations sending DTV signals over the airwaves beginning Friday and shutting down the analog transmitters they have used since television became a mass medium in the 1940s and '50s. According to the Federal Communications Commission, the digital TV transition was off to a smooth start, although many broadcasters expect a deluge of calls over the weekend from people who are having problems getting a signal. A survey done last week showed that 88 percent of the 12.6 million households that use broadcast signals were ready for the transition, either with new TV sets, antennae or set-top DTV converter boxes. Any calls coming in to complain about problems with DTV will come from the ass hats in the 1.75 million households that had taken no action to ready for the transition. I hope you all will join me in toasting the long-overdue end of the DTV transition commercials, which should have ended in February but were extended as the deadline for stations to make the switch was pushed back. It took a long time, but we survived…….
- Somebody isn’t happy about getting clocked by the backdrop at the Tony Awards and having everyone clown him for it, eh Bret Michaels? Just days after getting hammered to the floor by the falling backdrop as he made a delayed exit from the stage following a performance of "Nothin' But a Good Time" with the Rock of Ages cast, Michaels lashed out at the show’s producers for their role in and subsequent handling of the incident. "I need to make clear at no point since the incident occurred do I feel like the accident was malicious in any way and I feel this will all work itself out. However I must state I found it a little strange that the only statement released by the Tony organization was that I missed my mark and that I was completely fine," he wrote in a prepared statement. "First, I thought, 'what mark?' as there was no official mark, just a retracting drum riser and an overhead prop being rapidly lowered, which was out of my view.” Sorry bro, but it appeared that you did miss your mark. The rest of the band was off the stage and you were out in front, soaking in the applause and trying to extract every last bit of attention you could from the performance. Had you just done a quick wave to the crowd and exited in a timely fashion, you would have made it off stage safe and sound. Instead, Michaels suffered a broken nose and a cut lip and as he put it on his Web site, was “bummed that I did not get to attend the after parties, cuz rumor has it Anne Hathaway was going to be there and she is hot.” And I am sure that Anne was bitterly disappointed to not have some past-his-prime hair rocker around to hit on her, Bret. As for the Tony Awards producers commenting on your condition and claiming that it was a case of you missing your mark....deal with it. Maybe they should have left it up to you to disclose your medical condition, but they didn’t give any specifics, only saying that you were fine. Be happy that anyone still has any interest in having you perform and quit complaining. Go back to auditioning a mansion full of Botox-ed skanks with fake racks on VH1 to find your “true love” and quit pretending that you still matter……….
- All hail the bathrobe of death. It might sound like a fable, but then again, so would the “latrine of death” in Asia that claimed the lives of three men trying to fish out a lost cell phone - until that happened several years ago. As it happens, the bathrobe of death is an American phenomenon, specifically in Seattle. There, six people have died in fires involving a bathrobe that was recalled for fire safety reasons. The U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission is one the case and ordered the recall in April after several cases of the women's full-length chenille robes made by Blair catching fire. So what do these victims have in common, other than wearing the bathrobe of death? Well, five of the six victims were female, all five were cooking at the time of the incidents and three of the victims were in their 80s. In other words, old ladies who probably should not be allowed to cook by themselves managed to get a bath robe that is apparently highly flammable too close to the stove. When the rash of bathrobe fires broke out, Blair claimed that the product passed federal flammability standards with ease. However, the reports of this mini-epidemic in the Pacific Northwest caught the attention of the CPSC and the agency warned consumers to stop wearing the robes immediately and return them to Blair for a full refund. Following the recall of the 162,000 bathrobes deemed a fire hazard, Blair released the following statement: “Even though we had passing flammability tests from accredited overseas labs for each lot of the chenille robes which we imported, concern for our customers prompted us to have robes from our current stock tested at domestic laboratories. When those tests showed that a number of the robes failed to meet federal flammability standards, we immediately contacted the Consumer Product Safety Commission, shared the test results, and entered into a voluntary recall. We owed that to our customers.” Fair enough, given the fact that six people died. Recalling the bathrobes and refunding everyone’s money seems to be the least you could do. Not selling highly flammable, deadly products would also help, but perhaps I’m just being greedy…..
- I’m becoming increasingly curious whether there is anyone who can sink low enough on the totem pole of humanity for the American Civil Liberties Union to not be willing to defend them. If you’re willing to take up for a convicted sex offender, you clearly have either exceptionally low standards or simply no standards at all. The ACLU has taken up the case of Chris Hagan, a Barre, Vermont resident who was ordered to vacate his Barre apartment because of its close proximity to a park. A city ordinance bans sex offenders from living in close proximity to a park, a move designed to protect children that, based on their records, sex offenders would seem to have a tendency to harm. Where most people would see an effort to protect children from a dangerous sexual predator, however, the ACLU sees discrimination and the abuse of a man’s rights. The controversy began in April, when Hagan claims he was told by city officials he was in violation of the city's Child Safety Ordinance. It took just over a month for Hagan to pursue the case against the city, contact the ACLU and have the organization rush to his defense. The American Civil Liberties Union of Vermont has brought a lawsuit against Barre, on behalf of Hagan, based on a claim that the city has no authority to restrict people from living in certain areas. ACLU Executive Director Alan Gilbert hopes a verdict in Hagan’s favor will set a precedent for sick, twisted, pervy sexual predators around the country who want to put children in danger by living wherever they want. “It means that the ordinances in the other municipalities that have been adopted would no longer be enforceable,” Gilbert said. I don’t know which way the judge in the case will rule, but the city is hanging its case on the fact that Hagan knew about the rule before moving into his new apartment and that his landlord told him it might be a problem. Whether prior knowledge of the law by the citizen in question makes it legal, I don’t know. Either way, the presiding judge in the case intends to make a ruling before July 7. Win or lose, the ACLU can hang its hat on having shown once again that no matter how reprehensible, how vile and how heinous a person is, they always have a friend in the American Civil Liberties Union…….
- Did you miss them? By them, of course, I mean the nonstop commercials warning you of the impending apocalypse that is the transition to digital TV in the United States of America. For what seems like decades but may have actually been a year or so, we’ve been pounded relentlessly with warnings that the switch from analog to digital was on the way and that we had better prepare - well, those of us still rocking televisions with rabbit-ear antennas. Those commercials are finally over, relegated to the ever-expanding junkyard of out-of-date ads never to be seen again. The transition to digital TV has been made, with 1,787 U.S. television stations sending DTV signals over the airwaves beginning Friday and shutting down the analog transmitters they have used since television became a mass medium in the 1940s and '50s. According to the Federal Communications Commission, the digital TV transition was off to a smooth start, although many broadcasters expect a deluge of calls over the weekend from people who are having problems getting a signal. A survey done last week showed that 88 percent of the 12.6 million households that use broadcast signals were ready for the transition, either with new TV sets, antennae or set-top DTV converter boxes. Any calls coming in to complain about problems with DTV will come from the ass hats in the 1.75 million households that had taken no action to ready for the transition. I hope you all will join me in toasting the long-overdue end of the DTV transition commercials, which should have ended in February but were extended as the deadline for stations to make the switch was pushed back. It took a long time, but we survived…….
- Somebody isn’t happy about getting clocked by the backdrop at the Tony Awards and having everyone clown him for it, eh Bret Michaels? Just days after getting hammered to the floor by the falling backdrop as he made a delayed exit from the stage following a performance of "Nothin' But a Good Time" with the Rock of Ages cast, Michaels lashed out at the show’s producers for their role in and subsequent handling of the incident. "I need to make clear at no point since the incident occurred do I feel like the accident was malicious in any way and I feel this will all work itself out. However I must state I found it a little strange that the only statement released by the Tony organization was that I missed my mark and that I was completely fine," he wrote in a prepared statement. "First, I thought, 'what mark?' as there was no official mark, just a retracting drum riser and an overhead prop being rapidly lowered, which was out of my view.” Sorry bro, but it appeared that you did miss your mark. The rest of the band was off the stage and you were out in front, soaking in the applause and trying to extract every last bit of attention you could from the performance. Had you just done a quick wave to the crowd and exited in a timely fashion, you would have made it off stage safe and sound. Instead, Michaels suffered a broken nose and a cut lip and as he put it on his Web site, was “bummed that I did not get to attend the after parties, cuz rumor has it Anne Hathaway was going to be there and she is hot.” And I am sure that Anne was bitterly disappointed to not have some past-his-prime hair rocker around to hit on her, Bret. As for the Tony Awards producers commenting on your condition and claiming that it was a case of you missing your mark....deal with it. Maybe they should have left it up to you to disclose your medical condition, but they didn’t give any specifics, only saying that you were fine. Be happy that anyone still has any interest in having you perform and quit complaining. Go back to auditioning a mansion full of Botox-ed skanks with fake racks on VH1 to find your “true love” and quit pretending that you still matter……….
Friday, June 12, 2009
H. Montag ends up doing the inevitable, bad days for birds at sporting events and Riot Watch! in Iran
- Ryan Leaf’s life has careened back and forth between great success and utter disaster over and over, but he may have hit a new low this time. Leaf failed to turn himself in on drug and burglary charges in Randall County, Texas on May 20. A warrant was issued for Leaf’s arrest at that point and it wasn’t until late this week that he finally agreed to turn himself in. Admittedly, none of us would want to face up to nine drug charges, but that doesn’t mean that going on the lam is a good idea. The indictment handed down by a county grand jury charged Leaf with one count of burglary to a habitation, seven counts of obtaining a controlled substance by fraud and one count of delivery of a simulated controlled substance. Basically, he’s alleged to have presented an incomplete medical history to several physicians between January 2008 and September 2008 to get or try to get hydrocodone and when that didn’t work, Leaf allegedly broke into an apartment in Canyon on Oct. 30 and stealing hydrocodone, which had been prescribed to an injured football player. In the meantime, he has supposedly been undergoing drug treatment in British Columbia, Canada. This is merely the latest incident in a career filled with them for Leaf, a former No. 2 pick in the NFL Draft who washed out with the San Diego Chargers after playing for the team from 1998 to 2000 and then spending one underwhelming season with the Dallas Cowboys in 2001. He threw for 3,666 yards and 14 touchdowns in his career, not exactly hall-of-fame numbers. He’s actually better remembered for violent outbursts toward the media, including one tantrum in which he screamed, “Quit talking to me, all right! Knock it off!” at a media member in the locker room trying to interview him. His lack of self-control and proficiency on the field ushered him out of the NFL after four season and he somehow managed to latch on as the quarterbacks coach at West Texas A&M. There, he temporarily seemed to have landed on his feet and gotten his life together, even moonlighting as the school’s men’s golf coach at one point. Yet disaster was never far away, surfacing when Leaf was suspended for allegedly asking a student-athlete for pain medication when he couldn’t get any of his own. His act eventually put him on the wrong side of the West Texas A&M administration and Leaf was canned. That was followed by this new legal saga, another low point for a once-highly-esteemed Washington State quarterback with a promising NFL career ahead of him who has turned into the poster child for great college athletes who never lived up to their potential. I’d love to point out something positive at this point about Leaf’s life trajectory, but the fact is that at this point, there really isn’t anything………
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! With a huge presidential election looming in Iran and record turnouts expected in today’s election, it was awesome to see hundreds of thousands of people show up for a demonstration and rally in support of pro-reform candidate Mir Hossein Mousavi. On Wednesday, a sea of Mousavi supporters showed up and marched to the "Azadi" (Freedom) monument, which has been a symbol of Tehran for a long time (one of the very few symbols of freedom in the city, some would argue). It was the largest protest/riot in Iran since the Islamic revolution 30 years ago, always great to see. The crowd was a giant green mass - literally. Most participants donned green clothing, which represents the "green movement" of reform - a symbolic gesture of Mousavi's supporters. Yes, there were some supporters of current dictator/fascist Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in attendance, the crowd was overwhelmingly pro-Mousavi. To be fair, I don’t know that electing a new leader will drastically change the way Iran interacts with the rest of the world and take the country off the fast track as a leading contender to ignite World War III, but it can’t hurt. Either way, my interest in who wins this election is secondary to my interest in seeing massive numbers of people gather together to riot or protest, which is a fantastic sight no matter where in the world it takes place……..
- Not enough. Scratch that, not nearly enough. President Barack Obama and Congress might be pretty happy with themselves for passing and signing into law a bill that would give the Food and Drug Administration power to regulate the manufacturing, marketing and sale of tobacco, but it’s not enough. In short, the legislation empower the FDA power to ban candy and fruit-flavored cigarettes, which tend to be attractive to kids, prohibit tobacco companies from using terms such as "low tar," "light" or "mild," require larger warning labels on packages, and restrict advertising of tobacco products. All of these are good steps, but the only real step to take in regards to tobacco is banning it - all of it. Obama and Congress should feel free to drop a total ban on cigarettes, cigars, chewing tobacco, snuff, dip and any other tobacco product on the market. If the Senate can pass this new bill by a 79-17 margin and the House can pass it a day later by a 307-97 vote, I feel like a total tobacco ban could also pass. As you might expect, the bill faced its stiffest opposition from tobacco-producing states, including Kentucky, North Carolina, South Carolina and Georgia. However, both senators from Virginia, the heart of tobacco country, supported the bill. Assuming the president signs it into law, which he has promised to do, tobacco companies would also be required to reduce levels of nicotine in cigarettes. Again, I like the concept - just not as much as I like a total elimination of tobacco products from this country. Seriously, whose life wouldn’t be better without them? Anyone who doesn’t use these products would be happier. Who wouldn’t be pumped about never having to inhale the secondhand smoke wafting over from the smoking section of the restaurant or having to hold their breath and run through the gaggle of loser smokers choking down their cancer sticks outside of a building because smoking isn’t permitted inside? Or what person’s life wouldn’t be infinitely better if they never had to be around to revolting, fat-cheeked loser shoving chew into their mouth and looking for an empty water bottle to spit the juice into? Obama might be right in saying that this new piece of legislation was a "long time coming,” but so is an all-out ban on tobacco products. Even smokers’ lives would be better without them, because once they got over their nicotine addiction, they would be healthier, they would have more money to spend on products that don’t drastically up their chances for lung cancer and emphysema and possibly kill them. They would no longer be the scourge of society and have to walk around with their green-ish, leathery faces that more closely resemble catcher’s mitts than a human face. Even Altria Group, which owns Philip Morris USA, the nation's biggest cigarette company, called the passage of the bill "an important step forward on this legislation.” I say if there’s this much agreement and support for tightening up rules on tobacco in the U.S., we ought to be able to must enough momentum to get rid of these products altogether…….
- Not a great few days for birds in America. First, a flock of seagulls that has been residing in and around Progressive Field in Cleveland, Ohio and disrupting the proceedings at Indians games landed on the field and played a key role in the Kansas City Royals losing an extra-inning heartbreaker to the Tribe. When Indians outfielder Shin Soo Choo singled to center field in the bottom of the 10th inning, the ball bounced on the outfield grass and right into the seagulls, who had taken up residence in shallow center field. The ball appeared to bounce off one of the scattering gulls, altering its course and sending it rolling past discombobulated centerfielder Coco Crisp. Had the ball not struck the seagull, it’s possible that Crisp would have fielded the ball cleanly and kept Mark DeRosa from scoring the winning run. However, the seagull that took a hit from that baseball had a freaking great day compared to a robin on the course at the LPGA Championship in Havre De Grace, Maryland on Friday. The bird was minding its business on the ninth hole, kicking it and doing typically bird things. Life was good….right up to the point that golfer Ahn Shi-hyun teed off drive on the ninth hole and drilled the robin with her tee shot. The bird exploded in a puff of feathers, a la the seagull that exploded after being hit by a Randy Johnson pitch in a spring training game a few years ago. "It's a shame," marshal Nina Dawson. "The bird was in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was instantaneous.” Well at least the bird went quickly and didn’t have to suffer, but that is just an all-around bad sight, period. Ahn managed to shake off exploding a bird with her tee shot to shoot two under par for the second round and was 1 under for the tournament after the round. Let this be a warning for all other bird out there around sporting venues: you might want to find a new place to live if you want to see another day………
- I almost skipped this next story, but if nothing else it’s a good chance to punctuate the inevitable, unavoidable end of a story that we all wish would just go away. Ever since stumbling and staggering onto television screens across America because she happened to be a friend of a rich, privileged chick that MTV handed her own reality show, Heidi Montag has been heading this direction. Whether it was dating and marrying this single biggest ass clown in the Western Hemisphere or her oh, so regrettable attempts to become the next Britney Spears (with even less talent than Spears, which is saying a lot), this chick was going off the tracks at some point. Maybe that implosion was expedited by her appearance on NBC’s low-budget, thrift-store-quality rip-off of Survivor, the still-running I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!, I don’t know. What I do know is that Montag, who has been busy professing her spirituality and religiousness alongside her imbecilic husband, is apparently not all that tied to Christianity. I realize that everyone has a slightly different slant on their faith and doesn’t believe or practice the same way, but I don’t know a variation of the Christian faith that says it’s cool to take your clothes off and lay down for a skin rag. To that end, Montag has posed for a "tasteful" spread in Playboy, “There is nudity. It's tasteful -- she had a lot of fun with it," a source confirms. You'll get to see a whole lot more of Heidi in the September issue of the magazine. Seriously….you’re going with the “it’s tasteful” routine? Every skank, er, chick who has ever posed for a skin mag has used that excuse, right along with claiming that they had total control over the pics and that it’s always been a dream of theirs. Uh-huh, sure. Let me spell this out, just in case you’re new to this discussion. There is nothing classy, dignified or tasteful about taking your clothes off for money and for pictures that scores of pathetic, no-girlfriend-having losers will then use to….umm…well, you know. Repeatedly bailing on I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! looks dignified and upstanding by comparison. But as I said before, this girl was headed in this direction from the instant she first popped up on MTV and began thinking that she was actually a famous celebrity who actually mattered…….
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! With a huge presidential election looming in Iran and record turnouts expected in today’s election, it was awesome to see hundreds of thousands of people show up for a demonstration and rally in support of pro-reform candidate Mir Hossein Mousavi. On Wednesday, a sea of Mousavi supporters showed up and marched to the "Azadi" (Freedom) monument, which has been a symbol of Tehran for a long time (one of the very few symbols of freedom in the city, some would argue). It was the largest protest/riot in Iran since the Islamic revolution 30 years ago, always great to see. The crowd was a giant green mass - literally. Most participants donned green clothing, which represents the "green movement" of reform - a symbolic gesture of Mousavi's supporters. Yes, there were some supporters of current dictator/fascist Mahmoud Ahmadinejad in attendance, the crowd was overwhelmingly pro-Mousavi. To be fair, I don’t know that electing a new leader will drastically change the way Iran interacts with the rest of the world and take the country off the fast track as a leading contender to ignite World War III, but it can’t hurt. Either way, my interest in who wins this election is secondary to my interest in seeing massive numbers of people gather together to riot or protest, which is a fantastic sight no matter where in the world it takes place……..
- Not enough. Scratch that, not nearly enough. President Barack Obama and Congress might be pretty happy with themselves for passing and signing into law a bill that would give the Food and Drug Administration power to regulate the manufacturing, marketing and sale of tobacco, but it’s not enough. In short, the legislation empower the FDA power to ban candy and fruit-flavored cigarettes, which tend to be attractive to kids, prohibit tobacco companies from using terms such as "low tar," "light" or "mild," require larger warning labels on packages, and restrict advertising of tobacco products. All of these are good steps, but the only real step to take in regards to tobacco is banning it - all of it. Obama and Congress should feel free to drop a total ban on cigarettes, cigars, chewing tobacco, snuff, dip and any other tobacco product on the market. If the Senate can pass this new bill by a 79-17 margin and the House can pass it a day later by a 307-97 vote, I feel like a total tobacco ban could also pass. As you might expect, the bill faced its stiffest opposition from tobacco-producing states, including Kentucky, North Carolina, South Carolina and Georgia. However, both senators from Virginia, the heart of tobacco country, supported the bill. Assuming the president signs it into law, which he has promised to do, tobacco companies would also be required to reduce levels of nicotine in cigarettes. Again, I like the concept - just not as much as I like a total elimination of tobacco products from this country. Seriously, whose life wouldn’t be better without them? Anyone who doesn’t use these products would be happier. Who wouldn’t be pumped about never having to inhale the secondhand smoke wafting over from the smoking section of the restaurant or having to hold their breath and run through the gaggle of loser smokers choking down their cancer sticks outside of a building because smoking isn’t permitted inside? Or what person’s life wouldn’t be infinitely better if they never had to be around to revolting, fat-cheeked loser shoving chew into their mouth and looking for an empty water bottle to spit the juice into? Obama might be right in saying that this new piece of legislation was a "long time coming,” but so is an all-out ban on tobacco products. Even smokers’ lives would be better without them, because once they got over their nicotine addiction, they would be healthier, they would have more money to spend on products that don’t drastically up their chances for lung cancer and emphysema and possibly kill them. They would no longer be the scourge of society and have to walk around with their green-ish, leathery faces that more closely resemble catcher’s mitts than a human face. Even Altria Group, which owns Philip Morris USA, the nation's biggest cigarette company, called the passage of the bill "an important step forward on this legislation.” I say if there’s this much agreement and support for tightening up rules on tobacco in the U.S., we ought to be able to must enough momentum to get rid of these products altogether…….
- Not a great few days for birds in America. First, a flock of seagulls that has been residing in and around Progressive Field in Cleveland, Ohio and disrupting the proceedings at Indians games landed on the field and played a key role in the Kansas City Royals losing an extra-inning heartbreaker to the Tribe. When Indians outfielder Shin Soo Choo singled to center field in the bottom of the 10th inning, the ball bounced on the outfield grass and right into the seagulls, who had taken up residence in shallow center field. The ball appeared to bounce off one of the scattering gulls, altering its course and sending it rolling past discombobulated centerfielder Coco Crisp. Had the ball not struck the seagull, it’s possible that Crisp would have fielded the ball cleanly and kept Mark DeRosa from scoring the winning run. However, the seagull that took a hit from that baseball had a freaking great day compared to a robin on the course at the LPGA Championship in Havre De Grace, Maryland on Friday. The bird was minding its business on the ninth hole, kicking it and doing typically bird things. Life was good….right up to the point that golfer Ahn Shi-hyun teed off drive on the ninth hole and drilled the robin with her tee shot. The bird exploded in a puff of feathers, a la the seagull that exploded after being hit by a Randy Johnson pitch in a spring training game a few years ago. "It's a shame," marshal Nina Dawson. "The bird was in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was instantaneous.” Well at least the bird went quickly and didn’t have to suffer, but that is just an all-around bad sight, period. Ahn managed to shake off exploding a bird with her tee shot to shoot two under par for the second round and was 1 under for the tournament after the round. Let this be a warning for all other bird out there around sporting venues: you might want to find a new place to live if you want to see another day………
- I almost skipped this next story, but if nothing else it’s a good chance to punctuate the inevitable, unavoidable end of a story that we all wish would just go away. Ever since stumbling and staggering onto television screens across America because she happened to be a friend of a rich, privileged chick that MTV handed her own reality show, Heidi Montag has been heading this direction. Whether it was dating and marrying this single biggest ass clown in the Western Hemisphere or her oh, so regrettable attempts to become the next Britney Spears (with even less talent than Spears, which is saying a lot), this chick was going off the tracks at some point. Maybe that implosion was expedited by her appearance on NBC’s low-budget, thrift-store-quality rip-off of Survivor, the still-running I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!, I don’t know. What I do know is that Montag, who has been busy professing her spirituality and religiousness alongside her imbecilic husband, is apparently not all that tied to Christianity. I realize that everyone has a slightly different slant on their faith and doesn’t believe or practice the same way, but I don’t know a variation of the Christian faith that says it’s cool to take your clothes off and lay down for a skin rag. To that end, Montag has posed for a "tasteful" spread in Playboy, “There is nudity. It's tasteful -- she had a lot of fun with it," a source confirms. You'll get to see a whole lot more of Heidi in the September issue of the magazine. Seriously….you’re going with the “it’s tasteful” routine? Every skank, er, chick who has ever posed for a skin mag has used that excuse, right along with claiming that they had total control over the pics and that it’s always been a dream of theirs. Uh-huh, sure. Let me spell this out, just in case you’re new to this discussion. There is nothing classy, dignified or tasteful about taking your clothes off for money and for pictures that scores of pathetic, no-girlfriend-having losers will then use to….umm…well, you know. Repeatedly bailing on I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here! looks dignified and upstanding by comparison. But as I said before, this girl was headed in this direction from the instant she first popped up on MTV and began thinking that she was actually a famous celebrity who actually mattered…….
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Curious decisions by Donny Trump, provoking North Korea and Tim Floyd, douche bag extraordinaire
- Tim Floyd is a douche bag. That much was apparent before he ever set foot on campus at the University of Southern California. He was a sleazy, greasy scumbag at every stop prior to USC and never gave the impression of being the least bit classy or respectable. Whether it was his time at Iowa State or his stint in the NBA with the Chicago Bulls, T. Floyd always gave off the impression that he would do anything to get the job done, ethics be damned. So you can’t be surprised that he a) allegedly paid a handler for former USC star O.J. Mayo $1,000 to steer Mayo to the Trojans and b) pushed the eject button to bail on USC right before the sh*t hit the fan. A few weeks ago, the NCAA rolled its ongoing probes of recruiting violations in the USC football and men’s basketball programs into one ginormous sting, leading many to believe that it was only a matter of time before severe sanctions were handed down because of improprieties in the recruiting of Mayo and former USC football star Reggie Bush. In both cases, the crews and family members of the athlete in question are alleged to have received cash and gifts that were clear violations of NCAA rules. However, the violations for USC football centered on an agent who gave gifts and money to Bush’s family, as opposed to anyone from the football program. In the case of the men’s basketball program, none other than Tim Floyd is alleged to have been the one steering the good ship Bribery. Louis Johnson, one of Mayo’s handlers and a friend of his family, told the NCAA that Floyd paid him $1,000 to help steer Mayo to USC. Hmm, think Floyd knew that was against NCAA rules? Seeing as all coaches must take and pass an NCAA accreditation test to prove that they understand the organization’s rules and bylaws, I’m thinking yes. However, knowing the rules and having the integrity to follow them are two very different (and in Floyd’s case), mutually exclusive things. So he allegedly paid the bribe money, coached Mayo for one season and spent a second year at USC before the long arm of the law caught up with him. When that happened, what did Floyd do? Not act with honor, that’s for sure. No, he submitted a one-paragraph letter of resignation to athletic director Mike Garrett, explaining that he had “lost passion” for his job and had long ago promised himself that he would reitre if that ever happened. Assuming that by “lost passion” he means “Didn’t want to pay the price for my sins and be exposed as a soul-less douche bag,” then I concur. Of course, whether he resigned or not, Floyd likely will never coach another college basketball game again. Had he stayed, the NCAA would have brought the hammer down on him and suspended him for a long, long time. With his cowardly self-ejection, er, retirement, Floyd can perhaps convince himself that he left on his own terms. Of course, it’s those left behind at USC and the next coach who comes in that will bear the brunt of Floyd’s misdeeds. That’s just one more piece of his douche-baggery and why guys like Tim Floyd are everything that is wrong with college athletics and then some……..
- Speaking of not being surprised at the boorish behavior of a known idiot…..let’s move on to TV personality Gordon Ramsay, shall we? Ramsay is the host of “Hell’s Kitchen” on Fox, a show in which he basically rips off that ass hat Simon Cowell’s act from American Karaoke and does it in the kitchen, berating aspiring chefs and being as mean and outrageous as possible. Basically, the show centers on him being as big an ass as possible and people getting a kick out of it. When you not only encourage, but reward someone for that sort of act, can anyone be stunned when that same person says something completely offensive, out-of-line and repugnant in a non-TV setting? I say no, but that doesn’t make Ramsay’s indefensible words at a food show in Melbourne where he was giving a demonstration any more defensible. While giving the demonstration for an audience of several thousand, Ramsay proclaimed that A Current Affair presenter Tracy Grimshaw, who had interviewed him on Friday evening, was "a lesbian". Odd, uncalled for any likely to upset people, no doubt. But that were merely Ramsay’s opening salvo. he then pulled out a picture of a woman with the features of a pig. "That's Grimshaw," he told the audience. "Holy crap. She needs to see a Botox doctor.” Wow…..just wow. That is so far over the line and unacceptable that Ramsay can’t even turn around and find the line with a high-powered, planetarium-quality telescope. Not surprisingly, women’s groups and people with a soul in general didn’t react well to Ramsay’s comments. Many have called for Ramsay to be kicked out of Australia, which I’m not sure is legally possible on the basis of being an ignorant, big-mouthed idiot. When word of Ramsay’s comments reached Grimshaw (which I’m sure took all of 60 seconds, what with cell phones, texting and BlackBerry devices), she had a little something in return. "I'm not going to sit meekly and let some arrogant narcissist bully me. Obviously Gordon thinks that any woman that doesn't find him attractive must be gay. For the record, I don't and I'm not,” she snarled. For the record, even the most anti-lesbian, anti-homosexual right-wing individual should not be saying what Ramsay said. It’s ugly, it’s absolute garbage and it has no place in any society. If you don’t approve of homosexuality, learn how to say it in a non-bigoted, non-inflammatory manner and treat people with respect and dignity, Gord. Not that I watch your show ever, but I certainly won't bother to do so now……
- This should be good. North Korea is growing more agitated and trigger-happy with its long-range missiles by the day, so having the five permanent members of the U.N. Security Council have agree on a resolution that would expand and tighten sanctions on North Korea should make Kim Jong Il and crew much happier. With the North seemingly setting off every rocket it can find and shooting it right into the Pacific, China, France, Russia, Britain and the United States felt the need to let K.J. Il and crew know once again just how much they disapprove of these launches. To that end, these five nations reached and agreement in consultation with Japan and South Korea to ratchet up the sanctions against North Korea. What those tightened sanctions will be, the council didn’t immediately say. I don’t really know what the appropriate penalty is for conducting a nuclear test that violates U.N. resolutions. Also, it’s been a while since I conducted a nuclear test and fired six short-range missiles, so I’m admittedly rusty on the subject. All of this comes after U.S. satellite imagery spotted "vehicle activity" at a North Korean ballistic missile facility last month, , vehicles used to transport Taepodong-2 missiles. The Taepodong-2 is a long-range missile that was tested earlier this year by North Korea, a test that showed a major improvement from long-range missile tests North Korea conducted back in 2006. For some odd reason, North Korea is claiming that the missile tests came because of “American aggression.” What we’ve done aggressively toward North Korea, I don’t know. What I do know is that in the race to ignite World War III, North Korea has clearly edged ahead of Iran thanks to a more trigger-happy, unstable dictator and sheer rebellious spirit. Keep it up, N. Korea, my money in this race is on you……
- Not that Sara Evans and Lionel Richie had any musical credibility anyhow, but if they did have some, it would surely be eviscerated by these two agreeing to be the faces of ABC Daytime and sister cable station SOAPnet's new campaign to market music through soap operas. Right, because nothing says “quality music” quite like pimping it via soap operas, those bastions of stellar acting and amazing writing. Anyone unfortunate enough to be attending Evans’ summer tour will see a show sponsored by ABC Daytime and SOAPnet. Yes, the networks will even be providing soap opera actors and actresses (I use that term loosely) for appearances at her shows. In turn, Evans will pimp herself out by appearing in performances on the networks, as well as on-air interstitial campaigns and online promotions. I suppose the marriage with ABC/SOAPnet makes sense for Evans, who also appeared on the lame-o reality dancing show Dancing With the (D-List) Quasi-Stars on ABC. Also, the Evans-Richie/ABC-SOAPnet partnership has found a way to make quite possibly the worst event in all of music, the CMA Music Festival on June 13, worse by infusing it with talent from "All My Children," "One Life to Live" and "General Hospital" doing meet-and-greets and introducing performers. Unsurprisingly, research done by ABC Daytime and SOAPnet marketing showed 25% of their viewers described themselves as country music fans. It’s just not surprising at all to find that fans of the garbage that is on the air in these soap operas also like an atrocious genre of music. But wait, crappy ‘80s pop music needs to be represented as well, and that’s where Richie comes in. He will appear on an upcoming episode of "One Life to Live," where he'll perform his new single, "Just Go." What, you can’t break out some “Dancing on the Ceiling” for everyone? Oh, and if you need any further evidence that only sh*tty music artists allow themselves to be linked to soap operas, just look at two other acts that have been a part of the soap opera game of late: the Pussycat Skanks and Mary J. Blige. Yes, two of the absolute worst acts of this era! So I suppose you can look at this deal any number of ways, but being a silver-lining type of guy, I’m looking for the positive. Here, that would be taking two horrifically awful parts of the entertainment industry and morphing them into just one menace, which mathematically is cutting the threat in half. Other than that, there are no positives here, no winners……..
- Well that was interesting. Carrie Prejean’s run as Miss California USA was a short-but-thrilling ride, from being just another blonde beauty parading around on stage in too much makeup and answering questions about world peace to the poster child for the crusade against same-sex marriage to ousted beauty queen in the span of a few months. Prejean has been dethroned as Miss California USA for "contract violations," including missing scheduled pageant events, even though she retained her title last month in the face a controversy over topless photos, missed appearances and her statements against same-sex marriage. At the time, my man Donald Trump held a press conference to get some more attention for himself and oh yeah, to announce the Prejean would remain as Miss California. However, their détente lasted all of one month. This week, Trump gave her the boot and inserted the next blonde beauty queen, runner-up Tami Farrell, in her place. “I told Carrie she needed to get back to work and honor her contract with the Miss California USA organization, and I gave her the opportunity to do so," Trump said. "Unfortunately, it just doesn't look like it is going to happen, and I offered my full support in making this decision.” Prejean’s attorney, Charles Limandri, is selling a very different story. “This is all kind of a big shock," Limandri said. "We've been working with Mr. Trump's office; she's been doing all the speaking engagements she's been asked to do. It is not true that she has not been cooperating.” Limandri went on to hint at some sort of shadowy conspiracy or plot to take her client out of her position as Miss California, insisting the Prejean has been making all of her scheduled appearances. I have to admit, I’m stunned as well. Trump tends to stand by hot, blond beauty queens no matter what - drug addictions, controversial photos, scandals - and to have him cut ties with one of his pageant beauties is unusual. Of course, Prejean became a lightning rod for controversy at the Miss USA pageant in April when she declared her opposition to same-sex marriage in a response to a question asked during the national pageant by pageant judge Perez Hilton. In May, seminude photos of Prejean popped up online and yet Trump rose to her defense. In the end, I suppose that D. Trump got plenty of what he craves most - attention - and Prejean got the chance to become a vocal part of a cause she feels strongly about, so maybe everybody won here………
- Speaking of not being surprised at the boorish behavior of a known idiot…..let’s move on to TV personality Gordon Ramsay, shall we? Ramsay is the host of “Hell’s Kitchen” on Fox, a show in which he basically rips off that ass hat Simon Cowell’s act from American Karaoke and does it in the kitchen, berating aspiring chefs and being as mean and outrageous as possible. Basically, the show centers on him being as big an ass as possible and people getting a kick out of it. When you not only encourage, but reward someone for that sort of act, can anyone be stunned when that same person says something completely offensive, out-of-line and repugnant in a non-TV setting? I say no, but that doesn’t make Ramsay’s indefensible words at a food show in Melbourne where he was giving a demonstration any more defensible. While giving the demonstration for an audience of several thousand, Ramsay proclaimed that A Current Affair presenter Tracy Grimshaw, who had interviewed him on Friday evening, was "a lesbian". Odd, uncalled for any likely to upset people, no doubt. But that were merely Ramsay’s opening salvo. he then pulled out a picture of a woman with the features of a pig. "That's Grimshaw," he told the audience. "Holy crap. She needs to see a Botox doctor.” Wow…..just wow. That is so far over the line and unacceptable that Ramsay can’t even turn around and find the line with a high-powered, planetarium-quality telescope. Not surprisingly, women’s groups and people with a soul in general didn’t react well to Ramsay’s comments. Many have called for Ramsay to be kicked out of Australia, which I’m not sure is legally possible on the basis of being an ignorant, big-mouthed idiot. When word of Ramsay’s comments reached Grimshaw (which I’m sure took all of 60 seconds, what with cell phones, texting and BlackBerry devices), she had a little something in return. "I'm not going to sit meekly and let some arrogant narcissist bully me. Obviously Gordon thinks that any woman that doesn't find him attractive must be gay. For the record, I don't and I'm not,” she snarled. For the record, even the most anti-lesbian, anti-homosexual right-wing individual should not be saying what Ramsay said. It’s ugly, it’s absolute garbage and it has no place in any society. If you don’t approve of homosexuality, learn how to say it in a non-bigoted, non-inflammatory manner and treat people with respect and dignity, Gord. Not that I watch your show ever, but I certainly won't bother to do so now……
- This should be good. North Korea is growing more agitated and trigger-happy with its long-range missiles by the day, so having the five permanent members of the U.N. Security Council have agree on a resolution that would expand and tighten sanctions on North Korea should make Kim Jong Il and crew much happier. With the North seemingly setting off every rocket it can find and shooting it right into the Pacific, China, France, Russia, Britain and the United States felt the need to let K.J. Il and crew know once again just how much they disapprove of these launches. To that end, these five nations reached and agreement in consultation with Japan and South Korea to ratchet up the sanctions against North Korea. What those tightened sanctions will be, the council didn’t immediately say. I don’t really know what the appropriate penalty is for conducting a nuclear test that violates U.N. resolutions. Also, it’s been a while since I conducted a nuclear test and fired six short-range missiles, so I’m admittedly rusty on the subject. All of this comes after U.S. satellite imagery spotted "vehicle activity" at a North Korean ballistic missile facility last month, , vehicles used to transport Taepodong-2 missiles. The Taepodong-2 is a long-range missile that was tested earlier this year by North Korea, a test that showed a major improvement from long-range missile tests North Korea conducted back in 2006. For some odd reason, North Korea is claiming that the missile tests came because of “American aggression.” What we’ve done aggressively toward North Korea, I don’t know. What I do know is that in the race to ignite World War III, North Korea has clearly edged ahead of Iran thanks to a more trigger-happy, unstable dictator and sheer rebellious spirit. Keep it up, N. Korea, my money in this race is on you……
- Not that Sara Evans and Lionel Richie had any musical credibility anyhow, but if they did have some, it would surely be eviscerated by these two agreeing to be the faces of ABC Daytime and sister cable station SOAPnet's new campaign to market music through soap operas. Right, because nothing says “quality music” quite like pimping it via soap operas, those bastions of stellar acting and amazing writing. Anyone unfortunate enough to be attending Evans’ summer tour will see a show sponsored by ABC Daytime and SOAPnet. Yes, the networks will even be providing soap opera actors and actresses (I use that term loosely) for appearances at her shows. In turn, Evans will pimp herself out by appearing in performances on the networks, as well as on-air interstitial campaigns and online promotions. I suppose the marriage with ABC/SOAPnet makes sense for Evans, who also appeared on the lame-o reality dancing show Dancing With the (D-List) Quasi-Stars on ABC. Also, the Evans-Richie/ABC-SOAPnet partnership has found a way to make quite possibly the worst event in all of music, the CMA Music Festival on June 13, worse by infusing it with talent from "All My Children," "One Life to Live" and "General Hospital" doing meet-and-greets and introducing performers. Unsurprisingly, research done by ABC Daytime and SOAPnet marketing showed 25% of their viewers described themselves as country music fans. It’s just not surprising at all to find that fans of the garbage that is on the air in these soap operas also like an atrocious genre of music. But wait, crappy ‘80s pop music needs to be represented as well, and that’s where Richie comes in. He will appear on an upcoming episode of "One Life to Live," where he'll perform his new single, "Just Go." What, you can’t break out some “Dancing on the Ceiling” for everyone? Oh, and if you need any further evidence that only sh*tty music artists allow themselves to be linked to soap operas, just look at two other acts that have been a part of the soap opera game of late: the Pussycat Skanks and Mary J. Blige. Yes, two of the absolute worst acts of this era! So I suppose you can look at this deal any number of ways, but being a silver-lining type of guy, I’m looking for the positive. Here, that would be taking two horrifically awful parts of the entertainment industry and morphing them into just one menace, which mathematically is cutting the threat in half. Other than that, there are no positives here, no winners……..
- Well that was interesting. Carrie Prejean’s run as Miss California USA was a short-but-thrilling ride, from being just another blonde beauty parading around on stage in too much makeup and answering questions about world peace to the poster child for the crusade against same-sex marriage to ousted beauty queen in the span of a few months. Prejean has been dethroned as Miss California USA for "contract violations," including missing scheduled pageant events, even though she retained her title last month in the face a controversy over topless photos, missed appearances and her statements against same-sex marriage. At the time, my man Donald Trump held a press conference to get some more attention for himself and oh yeah, to announce the Prejean would remain as Miss California. However, their détente lasted all of one month. This week, Trump gave her the boot and inserted the next blonde beauty queen, runner-up Tami Farrell, in her place. “I told Carrie she needed to get back to work and honor her contract with the Miss California USA organization, and I gave her the opportunity to do so," Trump said. "Unfortunately, it just doesn't look like it is going to happen, and I offered my full support in making this decision.” Prejean’s attorney, Charles Limandri, is selling a very different story. “This is all kind of a big shock," Limandri said. "We've been working with Mr. Trump's office; she's been doing all the speaking engagements she's been asked to do. It is not true that she has not been cooperating.” Limandri went on to hint at some sort of shadowy conspiracy or plot to take her client out of her position as Miss California, insisting the Prejean has been making all of her scheduled appearances. I have to admit, I’m stunned as well. Trump tends to stand by hot, blond beauty queens no matter what - drug addictions, controversial photos, scandals - and to have him cut ties with one of his pageant beauties is unusual. Of course, Prejean became a lightning rod for controversy at the Miss USA pageant in April when she declared her opposition to same-sex marriage in a response to a question asked during the national pageant by pageant judge Perez Hilton. In May, seminude photos of Prejean popped up online and yet Trump rose to her defense. In the end, I suppose that D. Trump got plenty of what he craves most - attention - and Prejean got the chance to become a vocal part of a cause she feels strongly about, so maybe everybody won here………
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
When school districts run amok, how the Brett Favre obsession goes too far and a voodoo-related arson, good times
- This is a first. Homes burn down all the time, but I can't ever remember the owner of a burned-down home claiming that the fire was set by someone she knows who has threatened to try to kill her with voodoo. Meet Virgilette Joseph of Ocoee, Fla., whose home on Rachel's Ridge Loop in Ocoee burned to the ground around 10 p.m. Monday. Thankfully, no one was home at the time of the fire, as Joseph's 10- and 11 year-old daughters were spending the night at their aunt's house and Joseph was out to dinner when she got a phone call informing of the fire. The house is a total loss, which is obviously the major news - aside from the possible voodoo connection. The state fire marshal's office confirmed that it has identified and question a person of interest in relation to the fire, but obviously they can’t give a name at this point. What they can confirm is that arson was the cause of the fire and that it started in several locations around the house. Apparently this voodoo freak has been issuing death threats to Joseph for months now, but Joseph never went to the police about the death threats because she thought it would be too much of a hassle. Too much of a hassle? To pick up the phone, call the cops and tell them that a neighbor is making death threats against you, threats that involve voodoo? I can see where you might want to brush the person making those threats off as a kook if they do it once, but once a pattern begins to develop, feel free to go to the police. I’m admittedly not a fan of law enforcement, but I’m pretty sure they can deal with a voodoo sorcerer/sorceress who is harassing a neighbor with death threats. But I actually enjoyed having a voodoo-related arson story, so let’s see if we can’t make a few more of these happen in the months ahead………
- This is just thoroughly reprehensible and disturbing. I realize that sports media outlets across have a bizarre, over-the-top fixation with all things Brett Favre. Any time Favre spits, sneezes, trips or breathes, you can bet that there will be countless, breathless reports breaking down those spits, sneezes, trips or breaths and what it means. This trend has created such a backlash that there are now people out there like myself who openly despise Favre and root against him even though he was once one of the most beloved players in the game. However, the all-Favre, all-the-time routine was taken to a new low yesterday when reports surfaced that Favre’s family and friends have reserved a block of hotel rooms in Green Bay for Nov. 1, when the Minnesota Vikings are scheduled to play the Packers at Lambeau Field. Of course, the Vikings are the team that Favre is looking to un-retire for and come back to play for in 2009. Yes, we’ve gotten to the point where a person described as "a member of Favre's inner circle" blocks off between 25 and 30 rooms at the Midway Motor Lodge and it’s reported as if it matters at all. “They called and said if he goes to Minnesota they definitely want to be at the game,” said Doug Warpinski, the manager of the hotel. Great…..just tell me why this matters to anyone. Favre and his family aren’t even on the hook for the rooms if he doesn’t come back. Payment does not have to be guaranteed until 45 days before the check-in date, so the group can cancel the reservations in the next two months without penalty. In other words, they put a hold on the rooms just in case he comes back and yet everyone is reporting this with as much vigor as they can muster. What I’m wondering is whether media members are so deluded and sucked in by Favre that they no longer have a sense of perspective on how utterly ridiculous their stories about him are or if this is all some sort of sick, twisted joke that I don’t get. Sadly, either answer would be sad, depressing and infuriating, so maybe I’ll just move on………
- Sometimes high school seniors do things that genuinely deserve a ban from their graduation ceremony (i.e. last week’s tale of a student in Illinois who had a fellow student change her grade in the school’s computer system and refused to retake the exam for the class). This is not one of those times. A group of nine seniors from Arrowhead High School in Hartland, Wis. launched one of the most harmless, benign pranks in the history of senior pranks and for that, the school banned them from graduation. All these students did was use sidewalk chalk to write "Class of 09" and some small designs on the school building Thursday night. School officials then displayed a stunning lack of a sense of humor by declaring that the prank crossed the line and suspending all nine seniors from their own graduation ceremony. “In some ways I thought it was a pretty lame prank, you know, it looked more like a decoration," says James Clark, one of the seniors who was suspended. "It just said 'Class of '09.' And it had some pictures. Someone drew like a 'Tweety' bird or something.” Worse still is the fact that the chalk was up for a mere two hours before the offending seniors had to clean it up. Yet that - a prank with no property destruction, no lasting damage and nothing obscene - was enough to warrant a ban from graduation? "It's disappointing, especially for other people who have family coming in from out of state, expecting a graduation ceremony,” Clark said. So while their fellow seniors readied for graduation, the suspended seniors held signs near the road -- saying things like "They're unfair, they don't care," and "We can't walk, cuz we used chalk.” Some parents did appeal, but their appeals were denied by the district superintendent, Craig Jefson. Jefson sent them a letter. It read, in part: "Students were aware that their behavior at this time could prompt their suspension from school and resulting loss of privilege to participate in the graduation ceremony, yet they participated in the disruption anyway. ... I needed to consider the message to current and future students that disruption of the school environment cannot be acceptable in some situations and not others.” Back it down a notch, C. Allowing seniors who doodled on the school wall in easily removable sidewalk chalk doesn’t set a dangerous precedent that will lead to the demise of your academic institution. It’s too late to do anything about the school’s regrettable decision now, but Craig Jefson and Co. needs to rethink their approach in case anything like this ever comes up again……
- Props to Disney/Pixar's "Up" for managing to fend off newcomer "The Hangover" and remain the number one movie at the box office two weekends in a row. “Up” received a boost from premium 3-D ticket prices, but the film still raked in an estimated $44.2 million to "The Hangover's" $43.3 million. The second straight solid weekend pushed "Up's" estimated total gross to $137 million. As for “The Hangover,” the R-rated comedy did much better than expected as moviegoers bought into stars Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms and Zach Galifianakis as they made a Vegas run gone wrong. “Hangover” actually pulled an outstanding "A" CinemaScore rating AND its audience was surprisingly comprised of just as many women as men. Clearly the ladies love seeing the craziest-bachelor-party-ever dude-fest just as much as the dudes themselves. Another newcomer for the weekend was Will Ferrell's dinosaur-themed comedy "Land of the Lost,” which fell on the opposite side of the surprise/disappointment ledger as “The Hangover.” In fact, “Land of the Lost” was one of Ferrell’s worst opening weekends for a movie in his career, coming in with an underwhelming $19.5 million for third place in the box office race. The movie is based on a 1970s kids TV series of the same name, but clearly fans of that show have no interest in seeing it on the big screen. The fourth-place finisher was "Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian,” which made $14.6 million for a $127.3 three-week total. "Star Trek" finished in fifth place with $8.4 million for $222 million overall since opening. "Drag Me to Hell" had yet another bad weekend, finishing in seventh place with only $7.3 million, a drop of 54 percent from the previous weekend. On the other hand, "Angels & Demons" pushed past $400 million in global earnings and is now the highest grossing film worldwide for 2009. On the cinematic horizon is “Year One,” the back-in-time comedy starring Jack Black and Michael Cera, so it will be interesting to see if “Up” can keep its grip on the top spot……..
- Former NBA referee Tim Donaghy clearly did not learn the first lesson of prison survival, namely finding the biggest, baddest dude in the cell block and knocking him out on Day 1, because if he had, Donaghy probably would have earned enough respect to avoid what happened to him in the can a few months ago. It’s taken a while to surface, but a rumor is making the rounds that Donaghy was injured during an prison brawl in November. During the assault, another inmate claiming ties to the New York mob beat Donaghy with a heavy object. You might recall that Donaghy went to prison for his role in a gambling scandal that involved shaving points and altering margins of victory in NBA games. Oddly enough, gambling is also something that organized crime tends to be heavily involved in. As such, it’s not hard to see why a guy with ties to the mob would want to take a run at him. Donaghy suffered severe knee and leg injuries in the attack that will require further surgery, but he’s still slated for release from prison on June 17. It will mark the end of his 15-month sentence for betting on professional basketball. Donaghy has served his time at the federal prison camp in Pensacola, Florida. Upon his release, he will complete his sentence at a halfway house in Tampa. Oh, and he also plans to finish writing a memoir of his 13 years in the NBA. Right, because what’s more American than someone being a complete scumbag, getting convicted of a crime and sent to prison and then getting out and profiting off their life of crime? Thanks for sustaining my faith in the American spirit, Timmy…….
- This is just thoroughly reprehensible and disturbing. I realize that sports media outlets across have a bizarre, over-the-top fixation with all things Brett Favre. Any time Favre spits, sneezes, trips or breathes, you can bet that there will be countless, breathless reports breaking down those spits, sneezes, trips or breaths and what it means. This trend has created such a backlash that there are now people out there like myself who openly despise Favre and root against him even though he was once one of the most beloved players in the game. However, the all-Favre, all-the-time routine was taken to a new low yesterday when reports surfaced that Favre’s family and friends have reserved a block of hotel rooms in Green Bay for Nov. 1, when the Minnesota Vikings are scheduled to play the Packers at Lambeau Field. Of course, the Vikings are the team that Favre is looking to un-retire for and come back to play for in 2009. Yes, we’ve gotten to the point where a person described as "a member of Favre's inner circle" blocks off between 25 and 30 rooms at the Midway Motor Lodge and it’s reported as if it matters at all. “They called and said if he goes to Minnesota they definitely want to be at the game,” said Doug Warpinski, the manager of the hotel. Great…..just tell me why this matters to anyone. Favre and his family aren’t even on the hook for the rooms if he doesn’t come back. Payment does not have to be guaranteed until 45 days before the check-in date, so the group can cancel the reservations in the next two months without penalty. In other words, they put a hold on the rooms just in case he comes back and yet everyone is reporting this with as much vigor as they can muster. What I’m wondering is whether media members are so deluded and sucked in by Favre that they no longer have a sense of perspective on how utterly ridiculous their stories about him are or if this is all some sort of sick, twisted joke that I don’t get. Sadly, either answer would be sad, depressing and infuriating, so maybe I’ll just move on………
- Sometimes high school seniors do things that genuinely deserve a ban from their graduation ceremony (i.e. last week’s tale of a student in Illinois who had a fellow student change her grade in the school’s computer system and refused to retake the exam for the class). This is not one of those times. A group of nine seniors from Arrowhead High School in Hartland, Wis. launched one of the most harmless, benign pranks in the history of senior pranks and for that, the school banned them from graduation. All these students did was use sidewalk chalk to write "Class of 09" and some small designs on the school building Thursday night. School officials then displayed a stunning lack of a sense of humor by declaring that the prank crossed the line and suspending all nine seniors from their own graduation ceremony. “In some ways I thought it was a pretty lame prank, you know, it looked more like a decoration," says James Clark, one of the seniors who was suspended. "It just said 'Class of '09.' And it had some pictures. Someone drew like a 'Tweety' bird or something.” Worse still is the fact that the chalk was up for a mere two hours before the offending seniors had to clean it up. Yet that - a prank with no property destruction, no lasting damage and nothing obscene - was enough to warrant a ban from graduation? "It's disappointing, especially for other people who have family coming in from out of state, expecting a graduation ceremony,” Clark said. So while their fellow seniors readied for graduation, the suspended seniors held signs near the road -- saying things like "They're unfair, they don't care," and "We can't walk, cuz we used chalk.” Some parents did appeal, but their appeals were denied by the district superintendent, Craig Jefson. Jefson sent them a letter. It read, in part: "Students were aware that their behavior at this time could prompt their suspension from school and resulting loss of privilege to participate in the graduation ceremony, yet they participated in the disruption anyway. ... I needed to consider the message to current and future students that disruption of the school environment cannot be acceptable in some situations and not others.” Back it down a notch, C. Allowing seniors who doodled on the school wall in easily removable sidewalk chalk doesn’t set a dangerous precedent that will lead to the demise of your academic institution. It’s too late to do anything about the school’s regrettable decision now, but Craig Jefson and Co. needs to rethink their approach in case anything like this ever comes up again……
- Props to Disney/Pixar's "Up" for managing to fend off newcomer "The Hangover" and remain the number one movie at the box office two weekends in a row. “Up” received a boost from premium 3-D ticket prices, but the film still raked in an estimated $44.2 million to "The Hangover's" $43.3 million. The second straight solid weekend pushed "Up's" estimated total gross to $137 million. As for “The Hangover,” the R-rated comedy did much better than expected as moviegoers bought into stars Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms and Zach Galifianakis as they made a Vegas run gone wrong. “Hangover” actually pulled an outstanding "A" CinemaScore rating AND its audience was surprisingly comprised of just as many women as men. Clearly the ladies love seeing the craziest-bachelor-party-ever dude-fest just as much as the dudes themselves. Another newcomer for the weekend was Will Ferrell's dinosaur-themed comedy "Land of the Lost,” which fell on the opposite side of the surprise/disappointment ledger as “The Hangover.” In fact, “Land of the Lost” was one of Ferrell’s worst opening weekends for a movie in his career, coming in with an underwhelming $19.5 million for third place in the box office race. The movie is based on a 1970s kids TV series of the same name, but clearly fans of that show have no interest in seeing it on the big screen. The fourth-place finisher was "Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian,” which made $14.6 million for a $127.3 three-week total. "Star Trek" finished in fifth place with $8.4 million for $222 million overall since opening. "Drag Me to Hell" had yet another bad weekend, finishing in seventh place with only $7.3 million, a drop of 54 percent from the previous weekend. On the other hand, "Angels & Demons" pushed past $400 million in global earnings and is now the highest grossing film worldwide for 2009. On the cinematic horizon is “Year One,” the back-in-time comedy starring Jack Black and Michael Cera, so it will be interesting to see if “Up” can keep its grip on the top spot……..
- Former NBA referee Tim Donaghy clearly did not learn the first lesson of prison survival, namely finding the biggest, baddest dude in the cell block and knocking him out on Day 1, because if he had, Donaghy probably would have earned enough respect to avoid what happened to him in the can a few months ago. It’s taken a while to surface, but a rumor is making the rounds that Donaghy was injured during an prison brawl in November. During the assault, another inmate claiming ties to the New York mob beat Donaghy with a heavy object. You might recall that Donaghy went to prison for his role in a gambling scandal that involved shaving points and altering margins of victory in NBA games. Oddly enough, gambling is also something that organized crime tends to be heavily involved in. As such, it’s not hard to see why a guy with ties to the mob would want to take a run at him. Donaghy suffered severe knee and leg injuries in the attack that will require further surgery, but he’s still slated for release from prison on June 17. It will mark the end of his 15-month sentence for betting on professional basketball. Donaghy has served his time at the federal prison camp in Pensacola, Florida. Upon his release, he will complete his sentence at a halfway house in Tampa. Oh, and he also plans to finish writing a memoir of his 13 years in the NBA. Right, because what’s more American than someone being a complete scumbag, getting convicted of a crime and sent to prison and then getting out and profiting off their life of crime? Thanks for sustaining my faith in the American spirit, Timmy…….
Tuesday, June 09, 2009
Something funny finally happens in Iraq, police brutality in New Jersey and NASCAR with a possible meth addict driver
- Some intrepid prankster in Westmoreland County, Pa. deserves some credit. Police in the area might be pissed off that “vandals” opened at least 36 fire hydrants within a few hours time early Monday morning, but that’s only because The Man never has a sense of humor. The Man can't appreciate a good prank, which is part of what makes him The Man. Yet I can’t help but laugh at the mental picture of a bunch of young dudes (because you know it was guys, you know they were between the ages of 18 and 35 and you can be fairly certain that alcohol was involved) sneaking around in the middle of the night, removing steam nozzles from a total of 36 hydrants in Sewickley Township. The first nozzle-less hydrant was found around 1:30 a.m., but investigators eventually found all 36 hydrants that were missing steam nozzles. The no-sense-of-humor-having stiff at the Hutchinson Fire Department say it’s a prank that is dangerous and costly. Sure, low water pressure could make it difficult to fight a fire, but was there a problem? Not in this case, so simmer down. "You got a lot of volunteers out here, in these tough economic times, that will miss work tomorrow. They have been out for multiple hours working on multiple back roads with no lighting. It is a hazard to firemen at any time," said Frank Sever with Sewickley Emergency Management. Hey Frank….shut it. It’s only a hazard if there was a problem because of the prank and there wasn’t one. Firefighters turned off the hydrants and checked each one Monday for damage, finding none. What’s bizarre about this story is that the removal of a steam nozzle from a fire hydrant is a federal offense, so these intrepid pranksters face serious charges if caught. Police are claiming to have a lead in the case, but so far no arrests have been made. Here’s hoping it stays that way……
- Admittedly, I paid attention to a story about the illegal bootleg release of an album by “Drake” because I thought it might be from the late, great folk singer Nick Drake. Had I known it was from some hack job, hip-popper whose garbage, bubble-gum hip hop is extremely popular with teenage girls, I probably would have steered clear. But since I did learn about this whole mess, I may as well share. Seems that Drake (not nearly enough to rock the one name, even if it is a stage name, by the way) and his legal representation are enraged over the release of an unauthorized album, "The Girls Love Drake," which features selections from the Toronto rapper's mixtape "So Far Gone" and other tracks. The album was released May 28th by a label called Canadian Money Entertainment and distributed by the Independent Online Distribution Alliance (IODA) on iTunes, Rhapsody and Amazon. Before the album was yanked from retailers, it was actually set to debut at No. 101 on the Billboard 200, No. 16 on the Digital Albums chart and No. 1 on the Heatseekers tally. "Best I Ever Had" and "Every Girl" (credited to Young Money), two tracks on the mixtape that have previously charted, appear on this week's Hot Digital Songs chart thanks to downloads of "The Girls Love Drake." That would be the case…..if Drake's management hadn’t found the album on iTunes and sent a cease-and-desist notice to the retailer. iTunes was the first to take the album down, with Rhapsody and Amazon lagging behind but eventually complying with the order. “This is a straight bootleg, a scandal. We are behind promoting records at radio, but haven't sold it," Al Branch, Drake's manager, declared. "iTunes' position is that they are a store and they stock everything. They have a waiver and as long as people sign it and are responsible for the product they submit, then they go for it.” A scandal? Really? Look, it’s bad business and it’s bad for you and your client, but a scandal? Hardly. My man, you’re not representing U2, the Beatles, the Who, Pearl Jam, Kings of Leon or Elvis Costello. You represent Drake, so check yourself. Go ahead and file a lawsuit against Canadian Money Entertainment if that helps you sleep at night. Go after Canadian Money Entertainment founder Peter Greenwood, who says his company has been releasing mixtapes for unsigned artists since 2003 and contends that their purposes in releasing "The Girls Love Drake" was never ill-intended. Heck, Greenwood admits to being ignorant of the legalities of selling a mixtape on iTunes, so tear him a new one, legally-speaking. Just quit acting all indignant and offended, like this guy ripped off some great musical masterpiece and that Drake is the sh*t. He’s not, his music is not and odds are that this is the most pub dude is ever going to get for any of his musical efforts……
- I’m not an auto racing fan, not in the least. I don’t like IndyCar, NASCAR or any other type of auto racing, but I may have found something about auto racing that I do like: drivers on meth. If more NASCAR drivers were like Jeremy Mayfield and tested positive for methamphetamine during a random drug screening, I would probably pay more attention to racing. The positive test took place on May 1 and two independent sources verified it. Mayfield himself acknowledged that he had ingested a double dosage of over-the-counter allergy medication Claritin-D immediately prior to the Richmond drug test. His contention is that he was taking prescription Adderall-XR to treat Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), as prescribed by his doctor. Those two drugs were reportedly in his system at the time of the test, but a third drug appeared and although the name of that drug has been redacted from court documents and was not specified by either Mayfield or NASCAR because of the conditions of a May 29 gag order issued by Mecklenburg Count Superior Court in North Carolina, reports have meth being that third drug. Judge Forrest Bridges threw down that gag order, but even he couldn’t stop the meth train from rolling down the tracks. NASCAR officials managed to put down the moonshine, take the chewing tobaccy out of their mouths and stop adjusting their straw hats and bib overalls (just kidding, NASCAR) long enough to make some ominous remakrs about Mayfield’s drug usage. NASCAR attorney Paul Hendrick described the unidentified drug as a "dangerous, illegal banned substance." and NASCAR chairman Brian France used the words "serious infraction" to describe Mayfield’s drug problem. To his credit, Mayfield and his legal team fought back with a countersuit filed in federal court on June 5, claiming that the allegations made by NASCAR officials were founded upon "excessive aggression or exaggerated self-confidence as well as numerous other physical and mental side-effects detrimental to the health and safety of a stock car driver.” You might wonder just how Mayfield explains away popping positive for meth and as you would expect, his excuse is flimsy. He’s trying to argue that it was either a) a false positive test reading, b) triggered by either a mixture of the two acknowledged drugs ingested or c) by poorly executed testing procedures. The old “lab error” defense…..yeah, because that worked well for Floyd Landis in his doping case. Oh, and how do you ingest two legal medications and have them miraculously turn into meth once inside your body? I’m guessing meth addicts worldwide would be all over that cocktail if it existed. Mayfield’s legal team is also attacking the credibility of AEGIS Sciences, the corporation contracted by NASCAR to conduct the league's random drug screenings. This is the first year for the screenings, so it should be interesting to see if there are more similar occurrences in the months ahead. At this point, the next court date for the case isn’t set. That’s because prior to filing their June 5 countersuit, NASCAR successfully petitioned to have the case moved to U.S. federal court. That ruling happened to coincide with the scheduled vacation time of the presiding federal judge, so it will be at least the end of the month before the case is heard. Before wrapping this up, I also felt compelled to include the following quote from Mayfield, which actually makes him sound more like a meth addict than any positive drug test ever could . "I don't need to go to rehab," Mayfield angrily declared at Lowe's Motor Speedway on May 16, a surprise track visit that violated the terms of his suspension. "Because I don't have a problem.” Wow, “I don’t have a problem and I don’t need rehab” is the quintessential angry denial from any addict when confronted with their addiction. Not saying J. Mayfield is a meth addict, but I am saying that I have more interest in NASCAR now than I did before hearing that he might be…….
- Boy, it’s just been too long since a nice, juicy police brutality story came along. This one needs to be a doozy, and wouldn’t you know it, it’s a doozy and then some. When you have surveillance video showing a Passaic, New Jersey, police officer beating a 49-year-old man standing idly on a street corner, that’s what I call a doozy. The surveillance tape comes from Lawrence's Grill and Bar in Passaic, which I’m sure is a mighty fine establishment. The footage, recorded on May 29, shows a police car pull up to Ronnie Holloway, who is standing still on the curb outside the restaurant. A couple of minutes pass before the female officer in the car instructs Holloway to zip up his sweatshirt -- at least that’s what he claims. The second office in the car, Joseph R. Rios III, exits the car, must not have liked Holloway’s zipping style, because after that Rios jumps from the car, grabs Holloway and slams him onto the hood of the vehicle. But wait, there’s more! He then beats the crap out of Holloway using both his fist and baton. All of this without Rios and Holloway exchanging a single word, mind you. Following his undeserved beatdown, Holloway spent in a holding cell. His attorney, Nancy Lucianna, claims that Holloway received no treatment for his injuries, which included a torn cornea and extensive bruising to the left side of his body, she said. Oh, and one more thing….Ronnie Holloway is schizophrenic, according to his mother, Betty, with whom he has lived for more than 20 years. Not only that, Lucianna claims that schizophrenia is not the full extent of his mental disabilities and that her client was "mentally challenged on multiple levels." Hmm, wonder if officer Rios bothered to assess Holloway’s condition at all before jumping from the car and assaulting him….I’m going with no. Lucianna also explained that at the time of the incident, Holloway was in the midst of a walk around the neighborhood, which he does regularly. The Passaic Police Department refuses to comment on the beating, er, assault, er, arrest, but officials have filed three charges against Holloway: resisting arrest, disorderly conduct and wandering for the purpose of obtaining controlled dangerous substances. How they know what he was up to, I don’t know. But like I said, who doesn’t love a good case of police brutality, especially against a mentally ill individual? Well done, Passaic Police Department and officer Rios, well done…….
- Few things have been funny in Iraq the past few years (unless you count the tragic humor of all the lies told by the W. administration to get and keep America in an indefensible, unjustifiable war), but I have to say that Stephen Colbert’s stint at Camp Victory this week is one of them. I’m a huge fan of “The Colbert Report,” a Monday through Thursday fake news show on Comedy Central in which Colbert regularly mocks conservative TV talking heads with satirical, sarcastic humor. This week, he’s taking his show on the road for American military personnel stationed in Iraq. To show his solidarity with the troops, Colbert first donned a business suit made of the same camouflaged material used for soldiers' desert uniforms, then allowed his hair to be buzzed off into a military-style buzz cut. Hundreds of U.S. troops witness Colbert’s buzz cut as he kicked off his "Operation Iraqi Stephen: Going Commando" USO tour Sunday in the Baghdad headquarters of the U.S.-led military coalition in Iraq. “It must be nice in Iraq, because some of you keep coming back again and again," Colbert said. He also playfully prodded Gen. Ray Odierno, saying he felt "a little intimidated" by him, not because he was he top U.S. commander in Iraq, but because it felt like he was "interviewing Shrek.” Colbert also earned some laughs and applause by declaring that by the power vested in him, the U.S. had officially won the Iraqi war. Midway through Odierno’s interview, a video clip featuring President Obama appeared on large television screens erected on the set. The commander-in-chief told his general it was time to "cut that man's hair." Ordierno pulled out a pair of white electric hair clippers in his hand and sheared off the host’s hair. After his cut, Colbert ran through the audience, high-fiving the troops. And it wasn’t merely an empty, comedic gesture; one Army major said that "shaving of the hair is an amazing show of support" that was "very touching.” The episodes from Iraq are actually being taped a day in advance, but the are still unique in that this is the first time a show taped in a combat zone has been edited and aired so quickly. Tune in this week and see the combat zone fun for yourself……..
- Admittedly, I paid attention to a story about the illegal bootleg release of an album by “Drake” because I thought it might be from the late, great folk singer Nick Drake. Had I known it was from some hack job, hip-popper whose garbage, bubble-gum hip hop is extremely popular with teenage girls, I probably would have steered clear. But since I did learn about this whole mess, I may as well share. Seems that Drake (not nearly enough to rock the one name, even if it is a stage name, by the way) and his legal representation are enraged over the release of an unauthorized album, "The Girls Love Drake," which features selections from the Toronto rapper's mixtape "So Far Gone" and other tracks. The album was released May 28th by a label called Canadian Money Entertainment and distributed by the Independent Online Distribution Alliance (IODA) on iTunes, Rhapsody and Amazon. Before the album was yanked from retailers, it was actually set to debut at No. 101 on the Billboard 200, No. 16 on the Digital Albums chart and No. 1 on the Heatseekers tally. "Best I Ever Had" and "Every Girl" (credited to Young Money), two tracks on the mixtape that have previously charted, appear on this week's Hot Digital Songs chart thanks to downloads of "The Girls Love Drake." That would be the case…..if Drake's management hadn’t found the album on iTunes and sent a cease-and-desist notice to the retailer. iTunes was the first to take the album down, with Rhapsody and Amazon lagging behind but eventually complying with the order. “This is a straight bootleg, a scandal. We are behind promoting records at radio, but haven't sold it," Al Branch, Drake's manager, declared. "iTunes' position is that they are a store and they stock everything. They have a waiver and as long as people sign it and are responsible for the product they submit, then they go for it.” A scandal? Really? Look, it’s bad business and it’s bad for you and your client, but a scandal? Hardly. My man, you’re not representing U2, the Beatles, the Who, Pearl Jam, Kings of Leon or Elvis Costello. You represent Drake, so check yourself. Go ahead and file a lawsuit against Canadian Money Entertainment if that helps you sleep at night. Go after Canadian Money Entertainment founder Peter Greenwood, who says his company has been releasing mixtapes for unsigned artists since 2003 and contends that their purposes in releasing "The Girls Love Drake" was never ill-intended. Heck, Greenwood admits to being ignorant of the legalities of selling a mixtape on iTunes, so tear him a new one, legally-speaking. Just quit acting all indignant and offended, like this guy ripped off some great musical masterpiece and that Drake is the sh*t. He’s not, his music is not and odds are that this is the most pub dude is ever going to get for any of his musical efforts……
- I’m not an auto racing fan, not in the least. I don’t like IndyCar, NASCAR or any other type of auto racing, but I may have found something about auto racing that I do like: drivers on meth. If more NASCAR drivers were like Jeremy Mayfield and tested positive for methamphetamine during a random drug screening, I would probably pay more attention to racing. The positive test took place on May 1 and two independent sources verified it. Mayfield himself acknowledged that he had ingested a double dosage of over-the-counter allergy medication Claritin-D immediately prior to the Richmond drug test. His contention is that he was taking prescription Adderall-XR to treat Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD), as prescribed by his doctor. Those two drugs were reportedly in his system at the time of the test, but a third drug appeared and although the name of that drug has been redacted from court documents and was not specified by either Mayfield or NASCAR because of the conditions of a May 29 gag order issued by Mecklenburg Count Superior Court in North Carolina, reports have meth being that third drug. Judge Forrest Bridges threw down that gag order, but even he couldn’t stop the meth train from rolling down the tracks. NASCAR officials managed to put down the moonshine, take the chewing tobaccy out of their mouths and stop adjusting their straw hats and bib overalls (just kidding, NASCAR) long enough to make some ominous remakrs about Mayfield’s drug usage. NASCAR attorney Paul Hendrick described the unidentified drug as a "dangerous, illegal banned substance." and NASCAR chairman Brian France used the words "serious infraction" to describe Mayfield’s drug problem. To his credit, Mayfield and his legal team fought back with a countersuit filed in federal court on June 5, claiming that the allegations made by NASCAR officials were founded upon "excessive aggression or exaggerated self-confidence as well as numerous other physical and mental side-effects detrimental to the health and safety of a stock car driver.” You might wonder just how Mayfield explains away popping positive for meth and as you would expect, his excuse is flimsy. He’s trying to argue that it was either a) a false positive test reading, b) triggered by either a mixture of the two acknowledged drugs ingested or c) by poorly executed testing procedures. The old “lab error” defense…..yeah, because that worked well for Floyd Landis in his doping case. Oh, and how do you ingest two legal medications and have them miraculously turn into meth once inside your body? I’m guessing meth addicts worldwide would be all over that cocktail if it existed. Mayfield’s legal team is also attacking the credibility of AEGIS Sciences, the corporation contracted by NASCAR to conduct the league's random drug screenings. This is the first year for the screenings, so it should be interesting to see if there are more similar occurrences in the months ahead. At this point, the next court date for the case isn’t set. That’s because prior to filing their June 5 countersuit, NASCAR successfully petitioned to have the case moved to U.S. federal court. That ruling happened to coincide with the scheduled vacation time of the presiding federal judge, so it will be at least the end of the month before the case is heard. Before wrapping this up, I also felt compelled to include the following quote from Mayfield, which actually makes him sound more like a meth addict than any positive drug test ever could . "I don't need to go to rehab," Mayfield angrily declared at Lowe's Motor Speedway on May 16, a surprise track visit that violated the terms of his suspension. "Because I don't have a problem.” Wow, “I don’t have a problem and I don’t need rehab” is the quintessential angry denial from any addict when confronted with their addiction. Not saying J. Mayfield is a meth addict, but I am saying that I have more interest in NASCAR now than I did before hearing that he might be…….
- Boy, it’s just been too long since a nice, juicy police brutality story came along. This one needs to be a doozy, and wouldn’t you know it, it’s a doozy and then some. When you have surveillance video showing a Passaic, New Jersey, police officer beating a 49-year-old man standing idly on a street corner, that’s what I call a doozy. The surveillance tape comes from Lawrence's Grill and Bar in Passaic, which I’m sure is a mighty fine establishment. The footage, recorded on May 29, shows a police car pull up to Ronnie Holloway, who is standing still on the curb outside the restaurant. A couple of minutes pass before the female officer in the car instructs Holloway to zip up his sweatshirt -- at least that’s what he claims. The second office in the car, Joseph R. Rios III, exits the car, must not have liked Holloway’s zipping style, because after that Rios jumps from the car, grabs Holloway and slams him onto the hood of the vehicle. But wait, there’s more! He then beats the crap out of Holloway using both his fist and baton. All of this without Rios and Holloway exchanging a single word, mind you. Following his undeserved beatdown, Holloway spent in a holding cell. His attorney, Nancy Lucianna, claims that Holloway received no treatment for his injuries, which included a torn cornea and extensive bruising to the left side of his body, she said. Oh, and one more thing….Ronnie Holloway is schizophrenic, according to his mother, Betty, with whom he has lived for more than 20 years. Not only that, Lucianna claims that schizophrenia is not the full extent of his mental disabilities and that her client was "mentally challenged on multiple levels." Hmm, wonder if officer Rios bothered to assess Holloway’s condition at all before jumping from the car and assaulting him….I’m going with no. Lucianna also explained that at the time of the incident, Holloway was in the midst of a walk around the neighborhood, which he does regularly. The Passaic Police Department refuses to comment on the beating, er, assault, er, arrest, but officials have filed three charges against Holloway: resisting arrest, disorderly conduct and wandering for the purpose of obtaining controlled dangerous substances. How they know what he was up to, I don’t know. But like I said, who doesn’t love a good case of police brutality, especially against a mentally ill individual? Well done, Passaic Police Department and officer Rios, well done…….
- Few things have been funny in Iraq the past few years (unless you count the tragic humor of all the lies told by the W. administration to get and keep America in an indefensible, unjustifiable war), but I have to say that Stephen Colbert’s stint at Camp Victory this week is one of them. I’m a huge fan of “The Colbert Report,” a Monday through Thursday fake news show on Comedy Central in which Colbert regularly mocks conservative TV talking heads with satirical, sarcastic humor. This week, he’s taking his show on the road for American military personnel stationed in Iraq. To show his solidarity with the troops, Colbert first donned a business suit made of the same camouflaged material used for soldiers' desert uniforms, then allowed his hair to be buzzed off into a military-style buzz cut. Hundreds of U.S. troops witness Colbert’s buzz cut as he kicked off his "Operation Iraqi Stephen: Going Commando" USO tour Sunday in the Baghdad headquarters of the U.S.-led military coalition in Iraq. “It must be nice in Iraq, because some of you keep coming back again and again," Colbert said. He also playfully prodded Gen. Ray Odierno, saying he felt "a little intimidated" by him, not because he was he top U.S. commander in Iraq, but because it felt like he was "interviewing Shrek.” Colbert also earned some laughs and applause by declaring that by the power vested in him, the U.S. had officially won the Iraqi war. Midway through Odierno’s interview, a video clip featuring President Obama appeared on large television screens erected on the set. The commander-in-chief told his general it was time to "cut that man's hair." Ordierno pulled out a pair of white electric hair clippers in his hand and sheared off the host’s hair. After his cut, Colbert ran through the audience, high-fiving the troops. And it wasn’t merely an empty, comedic gesture; one Army major said that "shaving of the hair is an amazing show of support" that was "very touching.” The episodes from Iraq are actually being taped a day in advance, but the are still unique in that this is the first time a show taped in a combat zone has been edited and aired so quickly. Tune in this week and see the combat zone fun for yourself……..
Monday, June 08, 2009
A Greek recap, Brett Michaels taken down by a backdrop and disrespecting the International Criminal Court....again
- What’s not fun about homecoming week at college? Never mind that no one cares about it and it’s not nearly the big deal in college that it is in high school (at least not at my college), it was homecoming week on Greek and all the fraternities and sororities on campus were paired up to build homecoming floats for the chance to win a $2,000 prize. The Omega Chis and Iota Kappa Iota were paired up, just like IKI president Frannie wanted, and so were the Kappa Taus and Zeta Beta Zetas, just like Cappie and Casey didn’t want. Having their houses paired together puts their plan for a new Cappie-Casey dynamic (i.e. giving each other space) in jeopardy. The project is put further in peril when Cappie gathers the KTs in the back yard of their house and explains that Kappa Taus don’t do floats. However, the $2,000 prize inspires Rusty and fellow KT brother Pickle, who are still devastated over the loss of the frat’s beloved Vesuvius volcano when it was destroyed at a party last semester. Winning the float contest would allow them to rebuild Vesuvius, so Rusty leads the charge to build the float and finds himself summarily named KT float chairman. His only eager KT helper is Heath, who like Rusty wants to carve out a legacy for himself at KT and is running out of time to do so. They feel that rebuilding Vesuvius could be that legacy, so they pour themselves totally into making the best float possible. Their brainstorming session veers from Romeo and Juliet to Star Wars, but ultimately Casey shows up to help her little brother out with the float idea that the ZBZ’s came up with: the Garden of Eden. Rusty accepts the suggestion and the KT’s and ZBZ’s get working on the float, including cray paper flowers, a cray paper snake and an entire float-full of other decorations. Rusty and Heath are tasked with getting the flatbed truck to place the float on and think they have a 20-foot truck lined up at the local rental store. However, Evan and Frannie swoop in at the last moment, pay double for the truck and steal it for the IKI-Omega Chi float. Rusty and Heath are left scrambling and run to five different places to find a truck while all of the ZBZ’s and KT’s continue to hammer away at the float in the backyard of the KT house. The ZBZ’s have to work to motivate the KT’s and keep them focused, but the float turns out well. Rusty and Heath finally find a pathetic pickup truck with a trailer to rent that will be used to transport the float. Casey warns them not to change the float at all overnight, but Rusty can't help him. He works to motorize some of the float’s decorations and power them up, which also turns out well. The next morning, before the homecoming game, Rusty and Heath unveil the revamped float for Casey and the ZBZ’s, who love it. The only problem is that the power they used to motorize the float drained the truck’s battery and keeping it running proves all but impossible. While everyone heads to the stadium to set up their tailgating, Casey is enlisted to drive the truck to the stadium. Along the way, the truck predictably breaks down and when she can’t reach Rusty, Casey calls Cappie. In spite of their new unspoken agreement to steer clear of one another, he takes the call and comes to help her. However, Cappie can’t fix the truck and also wonders why Casey didn’t just call her auto club. They break into a huge argument in which it’s clear that both of them are not over each other, but the auto club guy arrives to end the argument and decides that towing the truck is the best move. So the ZBZ-KT float won't be entered in the contest, but as it turns out, the Omega Chi-IKI float won't fare much better. After Frannie displays its amazing hydraulic system to Rusty and girlfriend Jordan, the float seems like a slam dunk to win. While they wait to see if their own float will arrive, Rusty and the KT’s must improvise. While Wade (set to be Adam on the float) and the other brothers get drunk and goof around, Rusty and Heath decide to create a legacy in a different way. After pirating every keg of beer they can find, they manage to sneak up on the IKI float and rig the hydraulics system to malfunction. The float’s theme was Antony and Cleopatra and the hydraulics moved the two oversized, puppet-like figures together to show them kissing. Thanks to Rusty’s intervention, only Cleopatra moves when Frannie fires up the float and as a result, Cleopatra bends at the waist, appearing to go down and perform a certain sexual act on Antony, at which time the beer Heath stole explodes out of Antony to complete the effect, much to the horror and amusement of all. The IKI float obviously doesn’t win and the winning float ends up being one themed after the fake wedding of reality TV tools Heidi and Spencer. Homecoming Weekend is also a time for ZBZ president Ashleigh and boyfriend Fisher to get to know each other a little better. After seeing the Blue Crew, a group of rabid Cyprus Rhodes students who are a crazy, body-painted spirit group at football games, run across campus screaming like idiots, Ashleigh and Casey laugh at the Crew. However, Ashleigh finds out that Fisher is actually a member of the group. He tries to convince her to take part in their antics as well and although she resists initially, Fisher wins her over by complimenting her and tells her that her fun, adventurous side is why he loves her. Ashleigh agrees to don some blue paint and other parts of the Crew costume and all is well with the happy couple. Evan has his own tough weekend with his parents in town for homecoming. When he expresses concerns over what the money flowing from his trust fund is doing to his life and how he feels an obligation to use his wealth to help those around him and not turn into a person who tries to control his world with money, his parents freak out. They worry that he’s not ready for the wealth he’s being given and decide to cut him off from his trust fund for six months and undergo psychological counseling. He responds be refusing to attend the dean’s reception with them and telling them that he doesn’t want their money because it can’t buy him what he wants: parents who love him for who he is. He does find a sympathetic ear from Rebecca Logan, who has had her share of battles with her rich, privileged parents. At day’s end, the KT’s and ZBZ’s party at the KT house and Heath is celebrated for his part in pranking the IKI float. He has his legacy and as he readies to graduate at the end of the semester and head off to medical school (how un-KT of him), he’ll now be remembered for something other than being the only gay guy in the house. Rusty has his legacy too, even if it isn’t rebuilding Vesuvius. All of this leads up to next week’s season finale, which apparently is going to focus pretty heavily on the Cappie-Casey-Max love triangle. It’s been a fun season, so hopefully the finale lives up to that standard……….
- If anyone in New Orleans is looking for the city’s mayor, I have a bit of bad news. Seems that Mayor Ray Nagin, who traveled to China on an economic development trip, ended up on a plane with a passenger who was for being treated for symptoms of the swine flu virus and as such, Nagin has been quarantined in China for the time being. Also quarantined along with the mayor are his wife and a member of his security detail. They are currently being held in Shanghai, China, though all three are symptom free. "The mayor is being treated with utmost courtesy by Chinese officials," a written statement said. Actually, Nagin was not only on the plane with someone who "exhibited the symptoms of H1N1," but he was sitting next to that passenger. "We have talked with him and he is in good spirits," Ceeon Quiett, the mayor's director of communications, said. I guess it goes to show that whether you’re a college senior who has been student teaching in Mexico for the past couple of months or the mayor of a major U.S. city, nobody is taking any chances with allowing you back into the country and society when the swine flu is involved. I’d also love to hear how a trip to China is relevant and acceptable for the mayor of New Orelans, which to the best of my knowledge does not have a huge Chinese population. But I digress…..all the best to Ray Nagin, his wife and the member of his security of detail now in quarantine. Hope you all are indeed swine flu free and can make it back to the U.S. of A as soon as possible……..
- For anyone scoring at home (and really, who isn’t scoring the Tony Awards at home?), the scoreboard currently reads: Tony Awards backdrop 1, Bret Michaels 0. I still have no earthly idea why Michaels and his band Poison were performing at the Tony Awards to begin with, to be honest. Who thought that booking a bunch of has-been ‘80s hair-metal rockers to play one of their classic tunes for a gathering of theater dorks was a good idea? But regardless of how out of place Michaels, his band and their quintessential 80’s hear and schtik were at the Tonys, that’s not the truly memorable part of the evening. No, that moment came when Poison finished playing one of the two songs from its catalog that anyone remembers, “Nothin’ But a Good Time,” and the band was exiting the stage. Everyone else - drummer, guitarist, bassist - made it off, but there was Michaels out in front, basking in the attention. Perhaps he’s tired of the only real attention he receives being from aging groupie skanks on his VH1 reality bomb Rock of Love, I don’t know. Maybe surgically-enhanced skanks with vocabularies that would make sailors blush throwing themselves at you and preening for the cameras just doesn’t get the job done. So there was Michaels, waving to the crowd before turning and heading back off stage. He was well behind the rest of the band and the wide-angle shot CBS used for the broadcast clearly showed the backdrop coming down fast as Michaels walked underneath it. Wehther anyone tried to warn him or not, dude gets absolutely trucked by the backdrop, right on top of the head. It was such a squared-up shot that Michaels literally falls straight back, hitting the ground as he’s virtually parallel to it. Unfortunately, the producers cut to the next segment before Michaels actually landed with a thud, so hopefully the feed from that first camera will be “leaked” some time soon so we can see the aftermath. But all told, just a freaking hilarious moment. As someone who has never had any interest in the theater, never watched the Tony Awards and has no plans to do either, I can honestly say that I would change my mind if someone could guarantee me that a past-his-prime rocker would get clocked by a backdrop every year at the Tonys. Plus, you know Michaels had to be pissed at going for medical treatment instead of hitting up a post-show party to score some thespian tail………
- People just don’t seem to have an immense amount of respect for the International Criminal Court these days, do they? Men like Sudanese President Omar al-Bashir thumbing their noses at arrest warrants issued by the court seem to be a much more common occurrence of late. Al-Bashir faces charges of crimes against humanity (somewhat broad and generic, can we specify a bit?) and the ICC issued an arrest warrant for him on March 4. Some three months have passed and al-Bashir shows no signs of or inclination to surrender himself to stand trial. Instead, he visited Zimbabwe on Sunday for a regional trade meeting. Attending the two-day African leaders' summit of the Common Market for Eastern and Southern Africa (COMESA) like nothing is wrong takes stones - or a total disregard for the International Criminal Court. The summit is far from his only trip since the warrant was issued, as al-Bashir has also made trips to Qatar and Ethiopia since March 4. That could have something to do with the fact that the International Criminal Court has no arrest powers and depends on its 106-member states to take suspects into custody, but I’m just playing lawyer here. The sad part of this case is that Al-Bashir probably is guilty of war crimes and crimes against humanity in his government's campaign against rebels in Darfur in western Sudan, but until someone steps up to arrest him and force him to stand trial, dude is going to continue to flaunt his freedom and throw it in the face of the ICC and the Sudanese people. Never mind that he’s made history by becoming the first sitting head of state to have a warrant for his arrest issued by the world's only permanent war crimes tribunal, al-Bashir doesn’t give a crap. Oh, and the fact that Sudan expelled 13 international aid agencies from the Darfur region after the warrant was issued is also a fairly good indication of his feelings on the issue. I do appreciate his conspiracy theory that the charges are an attempt by Western powers to recolonize Sudan. But heck, maybe Bono and the doznes of other celebrities who have made Darfur their current cause to rally around can pool their resources, hire Dog the Bounty Hunter and have him go to Sudan to take al-Bashir into custody…….
- If your summer just won't be complete without seeing a 72-year-old man compete in a weightlifting even, then York, Pa. is the place and the end of June is the time for you. That’s when Fred Glass, 72, will compete in the York Barbell Competition. he will be the oldest competitor to ever take place in the event, which is sponsored by the International Power Lifting Association. This isn’t just some small-time. local yokel event either. World-class competitors will be on hand and for his age group, Glass could well be one of them. He has been competing and winning at power lifting competitions for 45 years and last year set a masters record by squatting 400 pounds and dead-lifting 380. Those are great number for anyone, let alone someone old enough to collect Social Security. Not only is Fred Glass pumped to take part in the event, he isn’t viewing this as any sort of last-ditch, say-goodbye effort to the world of competitive lifting. He plans to continue competing as long as he’s alive and kicking and if you don’t believe me, just ask him. "When I'm 100 years old, I would like to squat 400 pounds. I don't want to just move around and make believe I'm lifting weights, but actually be a competitor," Glass said. Now I’ve never been an avid follower of competitive weightlifting and overall, the freaks who ‘roid up, Hulk up and bulk up to obscenely disgusting physiques to win these contests are typically pretty disgusting and reprehensible. That being said, Glass’ story is an inspiring one and I’ll be rooting for him to take another masters’ division crown in York later this month……
- If anyone in New Orleans is looking for the city’s mayor, I have a bit of bad news. Seems that Mayor Ray Nagin, who traveled to China on an economic development trip, ended up on a plane with a passenger who was for being treated for symptoms of the swine flu virus and as such, Nagin has been quarantined in China for the time being. Also quarantined along with the mayor are his wife and a member of his security detail. They are currently being held in Shanghai, China, though all three are symptom free. "The mayor is being treated with utmost courtesy by Chinese officials," a written statement said. Actually, Nagin was not only on the plane with someone who "exhibited the symptoms of H1N1," but he was sitting next to that passenger. "We have talked with him and he is in good spirits," Ceeon Quiett, the mayor's director of communications, said. I guess it goes to show that whether you’re a college senior who has been student teaching in Mexico for the past couple of months or the mayor of a major U.S. city, nobody is taking any chances with allowing you back into the country and society when the swine flu is involved. I’d also love to hear how a trip to China is relevant and acceptable for the mayor of New Orelans, which to the best of my knowledge does not have a huge Chinese population. But I digress…..all the best to Ray Nagin, his wife and the member of his security of detail now in quarantine. Hope you all are indeed swine flu free and can make it back to the U.S. of A as soon as possible……..
- For anyone scoring at home (and really, who isn’t scoring the Tony Awards at home?), the scoreboard currently reads: Tony Awards backdrop 1, Bret Michaels 0. I still have no earthly idea why Michaels and his band Poison were performing at the Tony Awards to begin with, to be honest. Who thought that booking a bunch of has-been ‘80s hair-metal rockers to play one of their classic tunes for a gathering of theater dorks was a good idea? But regardless of how out of place Michaels, his band and their quintessential 80’s hear and schtik were at the Tonys, that’s not the truly memorable part of the evening. No, that moment came when Poison finished playing one of the two songs from its catalog that anyone remembers, “Nothin’ But a Good Time,” and the band was exiting the stage. Everyone else - drummer, guitarist, bassist - made it off, but there was Michaels out in front, basking in the attention. Perhaps he’s tired of the only real attention he receives being from aging groupie skanks on his VH1 reality bomb Rock of Love, I don’t know. Maybe surgically-enhanced skanks with vocabularies that would make sailors blush throwing themselves at you and preening for the cameras just doesn’t get the job done. So there was Michaels, waving to the crowd before turning and heading back off stage. He was well behind the rest of the band and the wide-angle shot CBS used for the broadcast clearly showed the backdrop coming down fast as Michaels walked underneath it. Wehther anyone tried to warn him or not, dude gets absolutely trucked by the backdrop, right on top of the head. It was such a squared-up shot that Michaels literally falls straight back, hitting the ground as he’s virtually parallel to it. Unfortunately, the producers cut to the next segment before Michaels actually landed with a thud, so hopefully the feed from that first camera will be “leaked” some time soon so we can see the aftermath. But all told, just a freaking hilarious moment. As someone who has never had any interest in the theater, never watched the Tony Awards and has no plans to do either, I can honestly say that I would change my mind if someone could guarantee me that a past-his-prime rocker would get clocked by a backdrop every year at the Tonys. Plus, you know Michaels had to be pissed at going for medical treatment instead of hitting up a post-show party to score some thespian tail………
- People just don’t seem to have an immense amount of respect for the International Criminal Court these days, do they? Men like Sudanese President Omar al-Bashir thumbing their noses at arrest warrants issued by the court seem to be a much more common occurrence of late. Al-Bashir faces charges of crimes against humanity (somewhat broad and generic, can we specify a bit?) and the ICC issued an arrest warrant for him on March 4. Some three months have passed and al-Bashir shows no signs of or inclination to surrender himself to stand trial. Instead, he visited Zimbabwe on Sunday for a regional trade meeting. Attending the two-day African leaders' summit of the Common Market for Eastern and Southern Africa (COMESA) like nothing is wrong takes stones - or a total disregard for the International Criminal Court. The summit is far from his only trip since the warrant was issued, as al-Bashir has also made trips to Qatar and Ethiopia since March 4. That could have something to do with the fact that the International Criminal Court has no arrest powers and depends on its 106-member states to take suspects into custody, but I’m just playing lawyer here. The sad part of this case is that Al-Bashir probably is guilty of war crimes and crimes against humanity in his government's campaign against rebels in Darfur in western Sudan, but until someone steps up to arrest him and force him to stand trial, dude is going to continue to flaunt his freedom and throw it in the face of the ICC and the Sudanese people. Never mind that he’s made history by becoming the first sitting head of state to have a warrant for his arrest issued by the world's only permanent war crimes tribunal, al-Bashir doesn’t give a crap. Oh, and the fact that Sudan expelled 13 international aid agencies from the Darfur region after the warrant was issued is also a fairly good indication of his feelings on the issue. I do appreciate his conspiracy theory that the charges are an attempt by Western powers to recolonize Sudan. But heck, maybe Bono and the doznes of other celebrities who have made Darfur their current cause to rally around can pool their resources, hire Dog the Bounty Hunter and have him go to Sudan to take al-Bashir into custody…….
- If your summer just won't be complete without seeing a 72-year-old man compete in a weightlifting even, then York, Pa. is the place and the end of June is the time for you. That’s when Fred Glass, 72, will compete in the York Barbell Competition. he will be the oldest competitor to ever take place in the event, which is sponsored by the International Power Lifting Association. This isn’t just some small-time. local yokel event either. World-class competitors will be on hand and for his age group, Glass could well be one of them. He has been competing and winning at power lifting competitions for 45 years and last year set a masters record by squatting 400 pounds and dead-lifting 380. Those are great number for anyone, let alone someone old enough to collect Social Security. Not only is Fred Glass pumped to take part in the event, he isn’t viewing this as any sort of last-ditch, say-goodbye effort to the world of competitive lifting. He plans to continue competing as long as he’s alive and kicking and if you don’t believe me, just ask him. "When I'm 100 years old, I would like to squat 400 pounds. I don't want to just move around and make believe I'm lifting weights, but actually be a competitor," Glass said. Now I’ve never been an avid follower of competitive weightlifting and overall, the freaks who ‘roid up, Hulk up and bulk up to obscenely disgusting physiques to win these contests are typically pretty disgusting and reprehensible. That being said, Glass’ story is an inspiring one and I’ll be rooting for him to take another masters’ division crown in York later this month……
Sunday, June 07, 2009
Someone finally sues Michael Irvin for his reality show, an embarrassing day for the Somali pirates and Riot Watch! in Peru
- Things are getting very ugly between the Atlanta Braves and 300-game winner Tom Glavine and the blame appears to have a very deserving target: the Braves. Glavine has spent 17 of his 22 Major League seasons with the Braves and although he won his 300th game during his five seasons with the New York Mets, he is inextricably linked to Atlanta in the minds of baseball fans. He’ll go into the Hall of Fame wearing a Braves lid - assuming he doesn’t file a lawsuit to prevent that. At this point, I wouldn’t put it past Glavine, not in light of the atrocious fashion in which the team has treated him. Glavine has yet to pitch in 2009 as he attempts to make a successful return from surgery on his elbow and shoulder. He had been working his way back to health and had been pitching in the Braves’ minor league system to rehab his injury. Last week, Glavine pitched six scoreless innings in a start for the Braves’ Class A affiliate in Rome, Ga. After coming off the mound and figuring that he had taken a big step toward making it back to the majors, Glavine was stunned to learn that he had been released. Braves general manager Frank Wren said Glavine was released because they did not believe the 43-year-old left-hander would be able to get batters out at the major league level. Glavine clearly feels differently, because he’s said to be considering filing a grievance against the team. Glavine said Friday he believes he was released for financial reasons (he was due a $1 million bonus if he had made the MLB roster) and to clear a roster spot for Tommy Hanson, who made his major league debut Sunday against the Milwaukee Brewers. “It was purely and only on the merits of what gave us the best chance to win, no financial interest whatsoever involved," team chairman Terry McGuirk said. Riiiiight. There are multiple issues here, with the claims of dumping Glavine to avoid paying that $1 bonus not even the most offensive point. For a guy who was a mainstay on an Atlanta team that won 13 straight division titles and a World Series title, being unceremoniously dumped in this fashion is unthinkable. As Glavine rightly pointed out, the team had clearly made up its mind to release him before his last rehab start, yet they allowed him to trot out to the mound before a packed house in a Class A stadium and pitch. Give a 300-game winner the dignity and respect to tell him that he’s not going to be given a fair shot at making it back to the bigs before he pitches his guts out at the lowest level of the minor leagues in a rehab start. “I don't believe for a minute that it was totally a performance-related issue, which I'm totally fine with, but I would have appreciated the honesty,” Glavine said Friday. The actual motivation for the decision to release Glavine could be difficult to prove, but it should be noted that according to the collective-bargaining agreement, players can't be released because of financial reasons. The Braves clearly realized how bad they looked in all of this, because later in the day on Friday, team president John Schuerholz issued an apology Friday for "the environment and the tone and the manner" of the release. “I, as the president of the club, could have taken more time to explain not only the circumstances around the decision, although we made that decision in unanimous fashion, but to explain to Tommy our high regard for him,” Schuerholz said. Fine, but not nearly enough after the bush league treatment you gave him. Being the class guy that he is, I imagine Glavine will eventually forgive the Braves for this and mend the relationship, but I wouldn’t blame him if he never did…….
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! The villagers in a remote northern region of Peru have attained the ultimate honor for any group of social dissidents: forcing the country’s government to declare a state of emergency. The government of Peru on Friday declared a state of emergency in the remote northern area after a clash between police and indigenous people protesting what they say is the exploitation of their native lands. Nothing is more grassroots than protesting and rioting because someone is coming in an ripping your land from you. Thankfully the Native Americans didn’t think of this when we were busy stealing their land the past couple of centuries, but I digress. The natives were becoming increasingly angry and a clash with The Man was clearly coming, so when the festivities finally touched off at dawn outside the northern province of Bagua in the Department of Amazonas, it was a long time coming. Demonstrators had been protesting for 59 straight days and I guess the police decided they’d had enough. As they attempted to break up a roadblock on the 59th day of protests, all hell broke loose. In the resulting battle, at least eight police and 22 protesters died. Ironically, Foreign Minister Jose A. Garcia Belaunde claimed that the state of emergency was ordered to give the government the opportunity to re-establish order and reopen talks with the protesters. Call me zany, but I don’t think they’re in much of a mood to talk at this point. You just violently attempted to break up a protest and killed 22 of their people, so why would they want to sit down and chat with you? “Look, the use of force is legitimate," Beldunde said. "Today, what we have received in response were gunshots -- directed at police helicopters, killing eight or nine police.” Yes, you read that right: shots at police helicopters. Big ups for that, Peruvian protestors. You may not have the weaponry to bring down those police helicopters, but shooting at them shows major kahones. I like that mental picture so much that I’m going to choose to ignore the fact that Alberto Pizango, the principal leader of the indigenous group, said his followers could not have been responsible for killing any police, because they were armed only with stones and arrows. I’m also going to ignore his claims that the demonstrators had been pursuing a peaceful protest because “peaceful” protests are boooooooring. Instead, I’m going to dwell on the fact that the director general of the police, Jose Sanchez Farfan, said government buildings in Bagua had been looted and set aflame. I loves me some government buildings set on fire and looted. That is what makes a first-class riot a first class riot: things burning and things being destroyed. Keep it up, Peruvian protestors. And by the way, if you’re not doing the outlandish and violent things the government is accusing you of, here’s a suggestion: start doing them immediately………
- Ah, the age-old story of call girl working the streets of Sin City meeting the guitarist for a Christian heavy metal band, falling in love and getting married. I’ve heard it hundreds of times, but it brings a tear to my eye every single time. The hooker in question (actually now a former hooker) is Annie Lobért, who worked as a prostitute for 11 years, making as much as $500 an hour. The heavy metal guitarist is Oz Fox of the Christian band Stryper, which stands for Salvation Through Redemption, Yielding Peace, Encouragement and Righteousness. Lobért actually got out of the prostitution game before meeting Fox, founding Hookers for Jesus, an organization whose mission is to save the souls of women who sell their bodies. She actually spends time at night on Las Vegas streets handing out Bibles to prostitutes and seeking to convince them there is a better way to make a living. In so doing, Lobért shares the story of how she hit rock bottom when she overdosed on cocaine and everything went black. According to an interview posted on her Web site, she asked Jesus to help her and became what many jokingly call a "porn-again Christian." The Hookers for Jesus Web site describes the organization as "an international, faith-based organization that addresses the realities of human sex trafficking, sexual violence and exploitation linked to pornography and the sex industry." The wedding ceremony took place at the Church of South Las Vegas in Las Vegas, Nevada and was broadcast live via the Web. Pastor Benny Perez cited Lobért as a shining example of Christ's love for everyone, which I would have to agree with. All kidding aside, I do wish the happy couple a wonderful life together and hopefully Lobért can indeed make a difference in the lives of women who are in the same horrible situation she was once in……..
- I’m not sure what’s sadder: the fact that Somali pirates held a Nigerian tugboat for 10 months or the fact that the pirates held a tugboat all that time only to surrender it. Let’s go ahead and assign equal measures of disappointment to both sides of this sad saga. The tug, Yenegoa Ocean, and its Nigerian crew were released Friday after being hijacked while sailing under a Panamanian flag, on August 4, 2008, in the Gulf of Aden. The boat was on its way back from Singapore after undergoing some minor maintenance and repairs when my boys the Somali pirates saw a chance and seized it. For 10 tense months, the pirates occupied the tug and fended off any efforts to reclaim it. However, the battle ultimately proved to be too much and it was surrendered to the Dutch navy frigate De Zeven Provincien, which then escorted it to a safe harbor. Who knows, maybe this is just a sign of the fact that the vast international coalition formed to patrol the Gulf of Aden, off northern Somalia, and stamp out piracy. But personally, I’m not betting against the fighting spirit of all things pirate-y, yo, ho, ho mateys. When you have some 25,000 ships using the channel south of Yemen between the Red Sea and the Arabian Sea, I’m counting on the scourges of the high seas to do their thing, make scallywags walk the plank and of course, drink plenty of rum…….
- Now this is unexpected. Someone is finally suing Michael Irvin for the crap bomb of a reality show he’s put together and the suit has nothing to do with foisting such an abysmal show on an unsuspecting public. Instead, the lawsuit comes from three men who claim Irvin's "4th and Long" is actually their concept called “Guts and Glory.” Irvin is the host and producer of “4th and Long,” which airs on Spike TV. The show supposedly gives regular guys a shot at making the Dallas Cowboys, something I will have to see to believe. But regardless of how unwatchable the show is, the question here isn’t how much it sucks, but rather whose idea it was. The three men filing the lawsuit contend that Irvin used their work in meetings with Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, that they met with Irvin as far back as 2007 and most importantly that contracts were issued splitting money. Basically, they are alleging that they met with Irvin, pitched the idea and he stole it from them and passed it off as his own. The ten-page lawsuit accuses the hall of famer of fraud and breach of contract. Irvin isn’t buying it and sounds very much like a guy who plans on fighting the lawsuit and taking this to court. “Let me tell you something. I didn't steal any ideas from anybody," Irvin declared. He doesn’t deny knowing the men, but believes that they are merely trying to use that relationship to pressure him into giving them some hush money even though they didn’t earn it. “I met with many people when I came up with this idea," he said. "These guys are trying to stir something up, hopefully thinking I'll give them some money, nuisance value to go away. That's all it is.” I’ve yet to see any of the evidence in this case and it remains to be seen if these three men do have the smoking gun to prove that Irvin stole their idea and profited from it, but I have a solution. Take this piece of crap show off the air, burn all of the footage and pretend none of it ever happened. Return all money paid to its original source, wipe the whole mess from our collective conscience and let’s just move on…….
- Riot Watch! Riot Watch! The villagers in a remote northern region of Peru have attained the ultimate honor for any group of social dissidents: forcing the country’s government to declare a state of emergency. The government of Peru on Friday declared a state of emergency in the remote northern area after a clash between police and indigenous people protesting what they say is the exploitation of their native lands. Nothing is more grassroots than protesting and rioting because someone is coming in an ripping your land from you. Thankfully the Native Americans didn’t think of this when we were busy stealing their land the past couple of centuries, but I digress. The natives were becoming increasingly angry and a clash with The Man was clearly coming, so when the festivities finally touched off at dawn outside the northern province of Bagua in the Department of Amazonas, it was a long time coming. Demonstrators had been protesting for 59 straight days and I guess the police decided they’d had enough. As they attempted to break up a roadblock on the 59th day of protests, all hell broke loose. In the resulting battle, at least eight police and 22 protesters died. Ironically, Foreign Minister Jose A. Garcia Belaunde claimed that the state of emergency was ordered to give the government the opportunity to re-establish order and reopen talks with the protesters. Call me zany, but I don’t think they’re in much of a mood to talk at this point. You just violently attempted to break up a protest and killed 22 of their people, so why would they want to sit down and chat with you? “Look, the use of force is legitimate," Beldunde said. "Today, what we have received in response were gunshots -- directed at police helicopters, killing eight or nine police.” Yes, you read that right: shots at police helicopters. Big ups for that, Peruvian protestors. You may not have the weaponry to bring down those police helicopters, but shooting at them shows major kahones. I like that mental picture so much that I’m going to choose to ignore the fact that Alberto Pizango, the principal leader of the indigenous group, said his followers could not have been responsible for killing any police, because they were armed only with stones and arrows. I’m also going to ignore his claims that the demonstrators had been pursuing a peaceful protest because “peaceful” protests are boooooooring. Instead, I’m going to dwell on the fact that the director general of the police, Jose Sanchez Farfan, said government buildings in Bagua had been looted and set aflame. I loves me some government buildings set on fire and looted. That is what makes a first-class riot a first class riot: things burning and things being destroyed. Keep it up, Peruvian protestors. And by the way, if you’re not doing the outlandish and violent things the government is accusing you of, here’s a suggestion: start doing them immediately………
- Ah, the age-old story of call girl working the streets of Sin City meeting the guitarist for a Christian heavy metal band, falling in love and getting married. I’ve heard it hundreds of times, but it brings a tear to my eye every single time. The hooker in question (actually now a former hooker) is Annie Lobért, who worked as a prostitute for 11 years, making as much as $500 an hour. The heavy metal guitarist is Oz Fox of the Christian band Stryper, which stands for Salvation Through Redemption, Yielding Peace, Encouragement and Righteousness. Lobért actually got out of the prostitution game before meeting Fox, founding Hookers for Jesus, an organization whose mission is to save the souls of women who sell their bodies. She actually spends time at night on Las Vegas streets handing out Bibles to prostitutes and seeking to convince them there is a better way to make a living. In so doing, Lobért shares the story of how she hit rock bottom when she overdosed on cocaine and everything went black. According to an interview posted on her Web site, she asked Jesus to help her and became what many jokingly call a "porn-again Christian." The Hookers for Jesus Web site describes the organization as "an international, faith-based organization that addresses the realities of human sex trafficking, sexual violence and exploitation linked to pornography and the sex industry." The wedding ceremony took place at the Church of South Las Vegas in Las Vegas, Nevada and was broadcast live via the Web. Pastor Benny Perez cited Lobért as a shining example of Christ's love for everyone, which I would have to agree with. All kidding aside, I do wish the happy couple a wonderful life together and hopefully Lobért can indeed make a difference in the lives of women who are in the same horrible situation she was once in……..
- I’m not sure what’s sadder: the fact that Somali pirates held a Nigerian tugboat for 10 months or the fact that the pirates held a tugboat all that time only to surrender it. Let’s go ahead and assign equal measures of disappointment to both sides of this sad saga. The tug, Yenegoa Ocean, and its Nigerian crew were released Friday after being hijacked while sailing under a Panamanian flag, on August 4, 2008, in the Gulf of Aden. The boat was on its way back from Singapore after undergoing some minor maintenance and repairs when my boys the Somali pirates saw a chance and seized it. For 10 tense months, the pirates occupied the tug and fended off any efforts to reclaim it. However, the battle ultimately proved to be too much and it was surrendered to the Dutch navy frigate De Zeven Provincien, which then escorted it to a safe harbor. Who knows, maybe this is just a sign of the fact that the vast international coalition formed to patrol the Gulf of Aden, off northern Somalia, and stamp out piracy. But personally, I’m not betting against the fighting spirit of all things pirate-y, yo, ho, ho mateys. When you have some 25,000 ships using the channel south of Yemen between the Red Sea and the Arabian Sea, I’m counting on the scourges of the high seas to do their thing, make scallywags walk the plank and of course, drink plenty of rum…….
- Now this is unexpected. Someone is finally suing Michael Irvin for the crap bomb of a reality show he’s put together and the suit has nothing to do with foisting such an abysmal show on an unsuspecting public. Instead, the lawsuit comes from three men who claim Irvin's "4th and Long" is actually their concept called “Guts and Glory.” Irvin is the host and producer of “4th and Long,” which airs on Spike TV. The show supposedly gives regular guys a shot at making the Dallas Cowboys, something I will have to see to believe. But regardless of how unwatchable the show is, the question here isn’t how much it sucks, but rather whose idea it was. The three men filing the lawsuit contend that Irvin used their work in meetings with Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, that they met with Irvin as far back as 2007 and most importantly that contracts were issued splitting money. Basically, they are alleging that they met with Irvin, pitched the idea and he stole it from them and passed it off as his own. The ten-page lawsuit accuses the hall of famer of fraud and breach of contract. Irvin isn’t buying it and sounds very much like a guy who plans on fighting the lawsuit and taking this to court. “Let me tell you something. I didn't steal any ideas from anybody," Irvin declared. He doesn’t deny knowing the men, but believes that they are merely trying to use that relationship to pressure him into giving them some hush money even though they didn’t earn it. “I met with many people when I came up with this idea," he said. "These guys are trying to stir something up, hopefully thinking I'll give them some money, nuisance value to go away. That's all it is.” I’ve yet to see any of the evidence in this case and it remains to be seen if these three men do have the smoking gun to prove that Irvin stole their idea and profited from it, but I have a solution. Take this piece of crap show off the air, burn all of the footage and pretend none of it ever happened. Return all money paid to its original source, wipe the whole mess from our collective conscience and let’s just move on…….
Saturday, June 06, 2009
Memphis basketball not the home of future Mensas, NBC is the home of hypocrisy and how I'd handle a 50 Cent lawsuit
- A good life rule: If 50 Cent has a beef with you and wants to go to court, you’d best settle things up before the case gets ugly. I don’t care who is suing who or what the alleged wrong is, but when a dude has been shot nine times and lived to tell about it, go ahead and assume that he’s harder and tougher than you are and that pissing him off further is a bad idea. In this particular case, 50 has issues with a Bloomfield, Conn. engineering firm that he paid $14,000 to conduct an inspection prior to purchasing his Farmington mansion for $4.1 million from Mike Tyson in 2003. The lawsuit against BVH Integrated Services Inc. stated that 50 Cent, a.k.a. Curtis Jackson, hired the company to give an estimate on the cost of work needed at the home. Jackson's attorney, Michael Feldman, claimed the estimate the firm gave the rapper was more than $2 million off the mark. Now I’m not an expert in expensive celebrity homes and the repair costs on such properties, but even if the home costs several million dollars, being off by that much could definitely be construed as a problem. However, BVH's attorney, Michael Byrne, argued Thursday that the company was hired to give very preliminary estimates in a short period of time. In other words, they claim that Jackson didn’t want a firm, definite estimate and he didn’t give them very much time to do their work. He also explained that the inspection happened too early for true accuracy. "It's as helpful as it can be at that stage of the project," he said. If that were the case, I don’t see why BVH would agree to settle the lawsuit, do you? But yet there it was, court officials announcing Friday afternoon that a settlement has been reached in the lawsuit and that the suit has been withdrawn. Terms weren’t immediately made public, but let’s assume that Jackson a) will receive a substantial amount of money from BVH and b) he has agreed not to shoot or curb stomp anyone from the company. Okay, so the second half of that may not be totally true, but then again it might be…….
- This sounds like the sort of story you’d hear on MTV’s “High School Stories,” mostly because if you watch that show, you have seen it….multiple times. It goes a little something like this: computer-savvy students hacks into his or her school’s computerized grading system and changes grades of self and friends. Kids go from D’s and F’s to B’s. Inevitably, the student gets a little greedy and changes enough grades by enough of a margin that the school notices, investigates and brings the hammer down. Inevitably, one of the students whose grades were changed takes issue with the punishment they receive and the matter is settled in court. In this case, the setting is Jeffersonville, Indiana and the student is Kristen Reno. Reno sued the Greater Clark County School Board, asking Judge Jerry Jacobi to grant an injunction that would have allowed her to walk in the school's graduation ceremony. She was one of several students who had another student change their grades in the school's computer system and even admitted to her misdeed. The school found out about the changed grades, stripped Reno of her credit for the course in which her grade was changed and actually gave her the opportunity to retake the exam. Showing a healthy dose of senioritis, she refused because she had enough credits to graduate without the class. "Without that credit, I would still be able to graduate, but with that credit, I would have a higher diploma. I'd rather have a lower diploma and get to graduate than have that credit," Reno said. In other words, you didn’t want to put forth any extra effort, I get it. You’ve graduated, the difference from one diploma to the next isn’t going to be that big a deal in the long run, so screw it. That’s fine, but you can’t then expect the school to just allow you to go through the entire graduation process like all of the other non-cheating (or at least not caught cheating) seniors. The school called the graduation ceremony a privilege and not a right (gotta love it when authority figures break out that classic line) and decreed that the seniors caught cheating could not participate in the ceremony. They did allow Reno to participate in other senior activities, including the baccalaureate ceremony and senior picnic. That clearly was not enough for her, hence the lawsuit. Unfortunately for Reno, Judge Jacobi shot her down, denying Reno’s emergency injunction petition in Clark Superior Court Thursday. The student who changed the grades in the computer was expelled from the high school, so perhaps Reno should just be thankful that she didn’t get a far more severe punishment. Gotta love senioritis and the laziness that accompanies it………
- The 2007-08 University of Memphis men’s basketball team just might be the dumbest college athletic squad in a long time. We already knew that one-and-done guard Derrick Rose (allegedly) had someone else take his SAT so he could be eligible for his one season as a Memphis Tiger and also had someone alter his high school transcript to help in that endeavor. Rose clearly wasn’t (or isn’t) very intelligent (otherwise he would have taken that SAT himself), but apparently neither was teammate Robert Dozier. Dozier, who like Rose is no longer at Memphis, had his initial SAT score invalidated by the company that scores the exam, and when he took the test a second time, he scored 540 fewer points. Also, a person claiming to be a faculty member at his high school in Atlanta wrote an anonymous letter to the NCAA Initial-Eligibility Clearinghouse questioning his score on the admissions test. Those facts were enough to cause the University of Georgia, Dozier’s first choice of schools, to deny him admission. So where to go when your first choice turns you down for cheating on your SATs? Yup, the University of Memphis. Dozier landed at Memphis, where he helped lead the Tigers to the 2008 NCAA Final Four. Memphis claims it did its due diligence on his academic credentials and is satisfied that it is guilty of no wrongdoing in admitting him and allowing him to play basketball. As for Dozier's academic records, he took the SAT for the first time Dec. 6, 2003 and scored 1,260 of a possible 1,600 points (the highest possible score at the time) on the test. That’s a really good score…..for whoever actually took the test. I’m guessing it wasn’t Dozier, a guess that Georgia admissions officials seem to have concurred with. They were immediately were alarmed by Dozier's high score, which they said didn't correlate with his below-average academic performance at Lithonia (Ga.) High School or his score on the PSAT. What, you think dude didn’t just become miraculously smarter once it came time to get an SAT score high enough to play college hoops? The school's faculty admissions review committee, which evaluates the admission applications of prospective student-athletes, recommended a "strong deny" in Dozier's case. “Of greatest concern is the gross inconsistency in his testing record," the committee wrote in its report. "His [SAT verbal score of 590] would place him in the 76th percentile nationally, while his [SAT math score of 670] places him in the 89th percentile. This raises a serious red flag, since his PSAT from October 2000 places him in the 4th percentile nationally in both areas. Such a remarkable improvement in testing abilities in the span of nine months is highly improbable, particularly for a student with a C-minus record in average college prep courses in high school.” All of that put Dozier under suspicion, so when an anonymous letter alleging someone else took Dozier's SAT landed in the mailbox of the NCAA Initial-Eligibility Clearinghouse, which certifies prospects' academic credentials for NCAA initial eligibility, the biggest, brightest red flags possible went up. The author of the letter claimed to be a member of the faculty at Dozier’s school and wrote: "This score is completely out of line with anything Robert has done academically at our school. My suspicions were confirmed when a faculty member mentioned that he was told someone else took the test for Robert. Allegedly, a graduate of our school took the test for Robert at the North Atlanta High School test center.” Educational Testing Service, which administers and scores the SAT, opened an investigation of Dozier's test score in June 2004. The company compared handwriting samples from Dozier’s SAT test to those on his “registration form and external documents." Sadly, he appears to have been dumb enough to not have the person who was going to take the test for him also fill out those forms….so close. Dozier was then offered a chance to retake the test to prove his score and amazingly, he took the test in July 2004 and scored 720 -- 540 points less than his earlier score. Uh-oh! That prompted ETS officials to cancel his first score, an extremely rare action for the company to take. The 720 wasn’t nearly enough to make Dozier eligible, so he played the 2004-05 season at Laurinburg Institute, a prep school in Laurinburg, N.C., where he played with future Memphis teammates Antonio Anderson, Kareem Cooper, Roburt Sallie and Shawne Williams. While at Laurinburg, Dozier finally met the NCAA's initial eligibility requirements and signed to play for Memphis in November 2004. Of course, in 2007 the NCAA launched an investigation of Laurinburg Institute and two months ago decided to no longer accept grades and coursework from the school because of concerns about its academic programs and oversight. The question I have no is how many members of that 2007-08 Memphis team actually took their own SATs and were eligible when they stepped onto the court…………
- By virtue of being BrandsMart USA employees, the six would-be scam artists who attempted to rob their store of 188 televisions worth just under $100,000 had low odds for being a) smart and b) successful. I feel safe in saying that by and large, BrandsMart is not a place you’re going to find a lot of current or future Mensa members. So I’m not all that surprised that Henry County, Ga. police said they have arrested six of the store’s soon-to-be-former employees in connection with the theft. The police said they were contacted by the Atlanta regional protection manager for BrandsMart USA on May 11 regarding thefts from a store in Stockbridge. Detectives began investigating and discovered that some 188 televisions were missing from the store. Amazing that anyone noticed that nearly $100,000 of merchandise had gone AWOL, no? With a sophisticated criminal enterprise run by legendary criminal masterminds like Maurice Foster, 22, of Atlanta; Jonathan Chambers, 23, of Decatur; Roderick Adams, 19, of Morrow; Demario Norris, 20, of McDonough; Justin Sprueil, 20, of Jonesboro; and Dantelle Smith, 24, of Stockbridge, cracking the case didn’t take long. Within days, police figured out that numerous store employees conspired to commit the thefts and were working with several outside individuals. The six BrandsMart employees were charged with felony theft and criminal conspiracy to commit a felony. However, the investigation is still ongoing and more arrests are expected. Also, police have only located five of the stolen televisions and two computer monitors. So I suppose while the idiots responsible for the thefts didn’t have a great plan for getting away with their crimes, at least they managed to hide or sell the stolen goods in time to keep them away from the cops……..
- Oh, there is no arena quite like the world reality TV when hypocrisy is what you’re hunting for. Whether it’s confirmed ass hat Jon Gosselin claiming that his marriage is private business after signing a deal and being paid to put his private life on television or any of the other scores of examples I could conjure up, there is no doubting that hypocrites abound on reality series on every network that airs them. Still, I couldn’t help but take a moment to point out the sheer and total hypocrisy being displayed by both parties in the running feud between NBC and two of the biggest ass clowns in world history, Heidi and Spencer Pratt. After NBC made the decision to include them in the cast of quasi-celebrity rejects on its reality series I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here!, the Pratts did….well, just what you’d expect them to do. They acted like rich, spoiled, bratty Hollywood residents who wrongly think that showing up some third-tier MTV reality show makes them legit stars. From the start, Heidi and Spencer couldn’t handle actually being out in nature and not being pampered and in a plush L.A. apartment. They threatened to bail out and leave three separate times and finally did storm off the set. Yet they had barely left the jungle when they jumped on Twitter, professed a change of heart and begged to come back. The suits at NBC decided to allow them to attempt a return but placed their fate in the hands of the remaining cast members. In the meantime, at least one NBC executive isn’t hiding his feelings on the Pratts and their act. “They are everything that's wrong with America... they are insincere, lazy, entitled and they claim the devil has possessed them,” Executive Vice President of Alternative Programming Paul Telegdy fumed. “They are back and this time they are contrite... yeah, right. What they don't realize is that they are now going to be examined and their value system utterly deconstructed. They are going to spend the night somewhere in isolation and guarded with lots of surprises... but not traditional reality [stunts].” Wow…..just amazing. Not the anger Telegdy has, but that he can actually hold all of that steaming, stinking bulls**t inside his head. I agree with everything he says, it’s just that he and his network have no right to say any of it. There was no doubt on anyone’s mind as to what Heidi and Spencer were all about before they set foot on this show, so NBC knew exactly what sort of devils it was doing a deal with. Don’t tell me you thought that because the players were competing to raise money for charity that you thought they wouldn’t bring their rich, entitled, arrogant act to the set. So when you sign a contract with someone like that and allow them to appear on your network, you lose any right to complain about them. Do what you want - force Heidi and Spencer to sleep with actual spiders and other creepy crawlers, put their fate in the hands of their fellow cast members - just don’t act indignant and offended at the crap they pull. Not that I needed another reason to hate this crappy show, but thanks to NBC and Paul Telegdy for giving me one………
- This sounds like the sort of story you’d hear on MTV’s “High School Stories,” mostly because if you watch that show, you have seen it….multiple times. It goes a little something like this: computer-savvy students hacks into his or her school’s computerized grading system and changes grades of self and friends. Kids go from D’s and F’s to B’s. Inevitably, the student gets a little greedy and changes enough grades by enough of a margin that the school notices, investigates and brings the hammer down. Inevitably, one of the students whose grades were changed takes issue with the punishment they receive and the matter is settled in court. In this case, the setting is Jeffersonville, Indiana and the student is Kristen Reno. Reno sued the Greater Clark County School Board, asking Judge Jerry Jacobi to grant an injunction that would have allowed her to walk in the school's graduation ceremony. She was one of several students who had another student change their grades in the school's computer system and even admitted to her misdeed. The school found out about the changed grades, stripped Reno of her credit for the course in which her grade was changed and actually gave her the opportunity to retake the exam. Showing a healthy dose of senioritis, she refused because she had enough credits to graduate without the class. "Without that credit, I would still be able to graduate, but with that credit, I would have a higher diploma. I'd rather have a lower diploma and get to graduate than have that credit," Reno said. In other words, you didn’t want to put forth any extra effort, I get it. You’ve graduated, the difference from one diploma to the next isn’t going to be that big a deal in the long run, so screw it. That’s fine, but you can’t then expect the school to just allow you to go through the entire graduation process like all of the other non-cheating (or at least not caught cheating) seniors. The school called the graduation ceremony a privilege and not a right (gotta love it when authority figures break out that classic line) and decreed that the seniors caught cheating could not participate in the ceremony. They did allow Reno to participate in other senior activities, including the baccalaureate ceremony and senior picnic. That clearly was not enough for her, hence the lawsuit. Unfortunately for Reno, Judge Jacobi shot her down, denying Reno’s emergency injunction petition in Clark Superior Court Thursday. The student who changed the grades in the computer was expelled from the high school, so perhaps Reno should just be thankful that she didn’t get a far more severe punishment. Gotta love senioritis and the laziness that accompanies it………
- The 2007-08 University of Memphis men’s basketball team just might be the dumbest college athletic squad in a long time. We already knew that one-and-done guard Derrick Rose (allegedly) had someone else take his SAT so he could be eligible for his one season as a Memphis Tiger and also had someone alter his high school transcript to help in that endeavor. Rose clearly wasn’t (or isn’t) very intelligent (otherwise he would have taken that SAT himself), but apparently neither was teammate Robert Dozier. Dozier, who like Rose is no longer at Memphis, had his initial SAT score invalidated by the company that scores the exam, and when he took the test a second time, he scored 540 fewer points. Also, a person claiming to be a faculty member at his high school in Atlanta wrote an anonymous letter to the NCAA Initial-Eligibility Clearinghouse questioning his score on the admissions test. Those facts were enough to cause the University of Georgia, Dozier’s first choice of schools, to deny him admission. So where to go when your first choice turns you down for cheating on your SATs? Yup, the University of Memphis. Dozier landed at Memphis, where he helped lead the Tigers to the 2008 NCAA Final Four. Memphis claims it did its due diligence on his academic credentials and is satisfied that it is guilty of no wrongdoing in admitting him and allowing him to play basketball. As for Dozier's academic records, he took the SAT for the first time Dec. 6, 2003 and scored 1,260 of a possible 1,600 points (the highest possible score at the time) on the test. That’s a really good score…..for whoever actually took the test. I’m guessing it wasn’t Dozier, a guess that Georgia admissions officials seem to have concurred with. They were immediately were alarmed by Dozier's high score, which they said didn't correlate with his below-average academic performance at Lithonia (Ga.) High School or his score on the PSAT. What, you think dude didn’t just become miraculously smarter once it came time to get an SAT score high enough to play college hoops? The school's faculty admissions review committee, which evaluates the admission applications of prospective student-athletes, recommended a "strong deny" in Dozier's case. “Of greatest concern is the gross inconsistency in his testing record," the committee wrote in its report. "His [SAT verbal score of 590] would place him in the 76th percentile nationally, while his [SAT math score of 670] places him in the 89th percentile. This raises a serious red flag, since his PSAT from October 2000 places him in the 4th percentile nationally in both areas. Such a remarkable improvement in testing abilities in the span of nine months is highly improbable, particularly for a student with a C-minus record in average college prep courses in high school.” All of that put Dozier under suspicion, so when an anonymous letter alleging someone else took Dozier's SAT landed in the mailbox of the NCAA Initial-Eligibility Clearinghouse, which certifies prospects' academic credentials for NCAA initial eligibility, the biggest, brightest red flags possible went up. The author of the letter claimed to be a member of the faculty at Dozier’s school and wrote: "This score is completely out of line with anything Robert has done academically at our school. My suspicions were confirmed when a faculty member mentioned that he was told someone else took the test for Robert. Allegedly, a graduate of our school took the test for Robert at the North Atlanta High School test center.” Educational Testing Service, which administers and scores the SAT, opened an investigation of Dozier's test score in June 2004. The company compared handwriting samples from Dozier’s SAT test to those on his “registration form and external documents." Sadly, he appears to have been dumb enough to not have the person who was going to take the test for him also fill out those forms….so close. Dozier was then offered a chance to retake the test to prove his score and amazingly, he took the test in July 2004 and scored 720 -- 540 points less than his earlier score. Uh-oh! That prompted ETS officials to cancel his first score, an extremely rare action for the company to take. The 720 wasn’t nearly enough to make Dozier eligible, so he played the 2004-05 season at Laurinburg Institute, a prep school in Laurinburg, N.C., where he played with future Memphis teammates Antonio Anderson, Kareem Cooper, Roburt Sallie and Shawne Williams. While at Laurinburg, Dozier finally met the NCAA's initial eligibility requirements and signed to play for Memphis in November 2004. Of course, in 2007 the NCAA launched an investigation of Laurinburg Institute and two months ago decided to no longer accept grades and coursework from the school because of concerns about its academic programs and oversight. The question I have no is how many members of that 2007-08 Memphis team actually took their own SATs and were eligible when they stepped onto the court…………
- By virtue of being BrandsMart USA employees, the six would-be scam artists who attempted to rob their store of 188 televisions worth just under $100,000 had low odds for being a) smart and b) successful. I feel safe in saying that by and large, BrandsMart is not a place you’re going to find a lot of current or future Mensa members. So I’m not all that surprised that Henry County, Ga. police said they have arrested six of the store’s soon-to-be-former employees in connection with the theft. The police said they were contacted by the Atlanta regional protection manager for BrandsMart USA on May 11 regarding thefts from a store in Stockbridge. Detectives began investigating and discovered that some 188 televisions were missing from the store. Amazing that anyone noticed that nearly $100,000 of merchandise had gone AWOL, no? With a sophisticated criminal enterprise run by legendary criminal masterminds like Maurice Foster, 22, of Atlanta; Jonathan Chambers, 23, of Decatur; Roderick Adams, 19, of Morrow; Demario Norris, 20, of McDonough; Justin Sprueil, 20, of Jonesboro; and Dantelle Smith, 24, of Stockbridge, cracking the case didn’t take long. Within days, police figured out that numerous store employees conspired to commit the thefts and were working with several outside individuals. The six BrandsMart employees were charged with felony theft and criminal conspiracy to commit a felony. However, the investigation is still ongoing and more arrests are expected. Also, police have only located five of the stolen televisions and two computer monitors. So I suppose while the idiots responsible for the thefts didn’t have a great plan for getting away with their crimes, at least they managed to hide or sell the stolen goods in time to keep them away from the cops……..
- Oh, there is no arena quite like the world reality TV when hypocrisy is what you’re hunting for. Whether it’s confirmed ass hat Jon Gosselin claiming that his marriage is private business after signing a deal and being paid to put his private life on television or any of the other scores of examples I could conjure up, there is no doubting that hypocrites abound on reality series on every network that airs them. Still, I couldn’t help but take a moment to point out the sheer and total hypocrisy being displayed by both parties in the running feud between NBC and two of the biggest ass clowns in world history, Heidi and Spencer Pratt. After NBC made the decision to include them in the cast of quasi-celebrity rejects on its reality series I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here!, the Pratts did….well, just what you’d expect them to do. They acted like rich, spoiled, bratty Hollywood residents who wrongly think that showing up some third-tier MTV reality show makes them legit stars. From the start, Heidi and Spencer couldn’t handle actually being out in nature and not being pampered and in a plush L.A. apartment. They threatened to bail out and leave three separate times and finally did storm off the set. Yet they had barely left the jungle when they jumped on Twitter, professed a change of heart and begged to come back. The suits at NBC decided to allow them to attempt a return but placed their fate in the hands of the remaining cast members. In the meantime, at least one NBC executive isn’t hiding his feelings on the Pratts and their act. “They are everything that's wrong with America... they are insincere, lazy, entitled and they claim the devil has possessed them,” Executive Vice President of Alternative Programming Paul Telegdy fumed. “They are back and this time they are contrite... yeah, right. What they don't realize is that they are now going to be examined and their value system utterly deconstructed. They are going to spend the night somewhere in isolation and guarded with lots of surprises... but not traditional reality [stunts].” Wow…..just amazing. Not the anger Telegdy has, but that he can actually hold all of that steaming, stinking bulls**t inside his head. I agree with everything he says, it’s just that he and his network have no right to say any of it. There was no doubt on anyone’s mind as to what Heidi and Spencer were all about before they set foot on this show, so NBC knew exactly what sort of devils it was doing a deal with. Don’t tell me you thought that because the players were competing to raise money for charity that you thought they wouldn’t bring their rich, entitled, arrogant act to the set. So when you sign a contract with someone like that and allow them to appear on your network, you lose any right to complain about them. Do what you want - force Heidi and Spencer to sleep with actual spiders and other creepy crawlers, put their fate in the hands of their fellow cast members - just don’t act indignant and offended at the crap they pull. Not that I needed another reason to hate this crappy show, but thanks to NBC and Paul Telegdy for giving me one………
Friday, June 05, 2009
Cuba needs to make up its mind, a proud day for Portland, Ore. and a former "Prison Break"-er joins "Heroes"
- How proud you must be, Portland, Oregon. It’s not every day the world’s most famous porn star opens an upscale swingers club in your town. Never mind any cause for civic pride you may have clung to before now, Ron Jeremy is here to make you forget it and embrace your city’s new claim to fame: Club Sesso. Yes, all of the freaks out there who are bored with the idea of actually sleeping with the person they married will now have a new place to go and swap out their spouse for a few hours so they can sex it up with a total stranger. Club Sesso's grand opening is set for June 19, but if you were to wander by the building at 824 SW 1st Ave. near the Portland World Trade Center, you would have no clue what was inside. Because the club is private, there is no sign on the building. Inside are 11 private rooms with king-size beds, a large group area and a couples-only lounge. Sounds…..umm, freaky. Jeremy and business partner Paul Smith say their new club for deprived freaks answers "an overdue demand for an exciting upscale swinger's nightclub in Portland." What, have you done research on this? Maybe a focus group on how many people in the city would be open to the idea of going to some greasy, sleazy club and whoring out their marriage for a few hours while their spouse does the same? Was there a poll done as well? I don’t doubt that there will be some freaks who sign up to be a member of this club; I just know that each and every last one of them will be as jacked-up and morally-bent as they can be. Here’s a novel idea: if you don’t want to be tied to one person and you want to be able to sleep with as many people as you want, don’t get married. Marriage implies that you’re sticking with one person. Like I said, what a day this is for all residents of Portland……
- When some masked loser attempts to rob a convenience store and the owner of that store is a pissed-off, prepared dude with a gun, the ending of the attempted robbery is typically messy and often deadly. When you’ve got people with guns and neither of them is exactly a trained soldier or skilled with their weapon, bloodshed and death are frequently byproducts. This is the first time I can remember a store owner pulling a gun on a would-be robber and a) having the robber get down on his knees and beg for his life and b) decide to change his religion to that of the store owner who pulled the gun on him. That bizarre scene unfolded on Long Island in New York, where Mohammad Sohail was closing up his convenience store just after midnight on May 21. The store’s surveillance camera shows a man entering the store holding a baseball bat and demanding money. "He said, 'Hurry up and give me the money, give me the money!' and I said, 'Hold on'," Sohail recalled. Realizing that the robber had brought a bat to a gun fight, Sohail reached under the counter, grabbed his gun and told the robber to drop the bat and get down on his knees. "He's crying like a baby," Sohail said. "He says, 'Don't call police, don't shoot me, I have no money, I have no food in my house.’” Interesting plea…..and the cynic among us would wonder if this tool was just saying that to get out of a tough spot. Yet as the man continued to profusely apologize, Sohail said he felt compassion for the man. Sohail made the man promise never to rob anyone again and when he agreed, Sohail gave him $40 and a loaf of bread. That gesture proved to be a life-altering one for both men. “When he gets $40, he's very impressed, he says, 'I want to be a Muslim just like you,' " Sohail said. He had the robber-turned-beggar recite a Muslim oath and told him, “Congratulations. You are now a Muslim and your name is Nawaz Sharif Zardari.'” Oddly enough, neither Sohail nor the police know the identity of the robber. After becoming a Muslim, the man fled the store as Sohail went to get him some free milk. For his part, Sohail doesn’t intend to press charges even if police find his new friend. “The guy, you know, everybody has a hard time right now, it's too bad for everybody right now in this economy," he said. Truly a bizarre scene and thankfully, a convenience store robbery didn’t end in bloodshed for once……..
- I hesitate to bring this next story up because doing so will dredge up the painful memories of Prison Break’s all-time awful final scene, but I’ll forge ahead for your sake. Over all four seasons of Fox’s stellar series about a group of cons breaking out of Fox River Penitentiary in Illinois and their subsequent run from various government agencies, Robert Knepper became a huge fan favorite. For a guy who plays a convicted child rapist and murderer who is every bit as despicable as you’d expect and then some. Yet Knepper so brought the character of Theodore "T-Bag" Bagwell to life that you could never have imagined the show without him. But now that PB has ended, I’m happy to see Knepper joining antoehr of my absolute favorite shows: NBC's Heroes. He’ll appear when Heroes returns this fall and follow in the shoes of actors like Malcolm McDowell, who have played the role of the uber-villain for a given season of the sci-fi thrill ride.
In the Season 4 volume "Redemption," Knepper will play Samuel, the charismatic yet wicked ringmaster of a literal circus. As you’d expect, he’s far from the only addition to the cast. Heroes will also be adding Californication's Madeline Zima as a Gretchen, a prickly, cantankerous fellow student that Claire Bennet (Hayden Panettiere) encounters as she heads off to college (apparently fulfilling the wishes of dad H.R.G. to at least try and have a normal life - or at least pretend to). There is also the show’s new start time to discuss: Monday nights at 8 p.m., an hour earlier than in the past. Also, rather than break up the season into two ambiguously labeled, disjointed parts in the fall and spring, the plan for this season appears to be a continuous season as other mega-shows like are Lost wont to do. Oh, and gotta love the ambiguity on NBC’s part as to how many episodes Season 4 will consist of. At the network’s May upfronts, boss Ben Silverman explained that NBC has ordered "around 19 episodes" of the series. Don’t be too specific there, B. Wouldn’t want fans to know classified, highly valuable intel like how many episodes they’ll have to watch…….
- Count me as one of the many who are extremely happy to see new NFL Players Association executive director DeMaurice Smith stepping up to help the scores of former players who were all but ignored by his predecessor, the late Gene Upshaw. I take no joy in being critical of someone who passed away less than a year ago, but Upshaw incorrectly believed that he was under no obligation to help former players who suffered from debilitating injuries and illnesses caused by their time in the NFL. His reasoning was that he was there only for the current players, even if the current players would have virtually none of their luxurious lifestyles if not for those former players. After Upshaw passes away, Smith was selected as the new NFLPA leader and among the things he has done in his short time on the job, reaching out to the various groups of former players that have formed to fight for their rights is the most noteworthy from where I sit. Last November, a group of retired players led by former Green Bay Packers and Dallas Cowboys cornerback Herb Adderley won a lawsuit against the NFLPA for $28.1 million. Adderley was the lead plaintiff in a class action suit on behalf of 2,056 retired players who claimed the union had breached licensing and marketing terms for use of their images in video games, sports trading cards and other dealings. Rather than do what Upshaw probably would have done - namely fight the judgment as long as possible and drag it out in court for years - Smith elected to live up to his call for unity between active and retired players. Under his leadership, the NFLPA has settled the lawsuit for nearly $26 million. The agreement was formally announced today, although news of the deal came out yesterday. A 10-person federal jury in a San Francisco court made a unanimous finding in favor of the players, but the amount awarded in the case was far short of the $90 million in damages that the plaintiffs claimed. Instead, the jury awarded $7.1 million in actual damages and $21 million in punitive damages. A U.S. District Judge upheld the award in January, with the NFLPA’s lead attorney on the case, Jeff Kessler, vowing an aggressive appeal of the verdict. Instead, Smith was chosen as the new union head in March and steered the conflict toward a peaceful resolution instead of another all-out brawl. Props on that, D. Smith. Here’s hoping that this is the start of a beautiful working relationship and perhaps even a friendship between the NFLPA and former players…….
- Are you getting uppity with us, Cuba? We were good enough to agree to sit down and talk with you about reopening diplomatic relations and various other subjects and now you’re copping an attitude? After the Organization of American States was magnanimous enough to lift the 47-year-old suspension of your country's membership, you’re going to reject that offer? Ricardo Alarcon, president of the National Assembly, made the announcement Friday, turning down the multinational organization’s olive branch after nearly five decades of banishment. Alarcon’s announcement was merely a formality after former Cuban President Fidel Castro had said earlier this week that Cuba had no interest in rejoining the 35-nation group. Apparently the reason Cuba rejected the offer was because as part of the deal, Latin American leaders set up a mechanism by which Cuba could rejoin and much of the dialogue would have centered on human rights. When U.S. Secretary of State Hank Clinton applauded that decision, I’m guessing Cuban leaders didn’t appreciate it much. Actually, the United States had sought to obtain concessions from Cuba this year in exchange for readmission to the OAS, so the decision by Latin American leaders to impose certain standards on the Cubans follows in that same vein. As for Cuba….look, I understand your thing is being the badass, rogue Communist nation that doesn’t take orders from anyone. You’re going to ruthlessly run your country and you don’t want outsiders bossing you around. However, now is not the time for you to channel your inner evil Cuba and throw a temper tantrum just because the U.S. is asking you to grant greater political and personal freedoms for your island's 11 million citizens. What’s wrong with a few basic personal freedoms for your people? Is that going to be the end of the world? You’re sending very conflicting messages about whether you want to be a part of the civilized world and global community, Cuba. Make up your mind and let us know some time soon, if you don’t mind…….
- When some masked loser attempts to rob a convenience store and the owner of that store is a pissed-off, prepared dude with a gun, the ending of the attempted robbery is typically messy and often deadly. When you’ve got people with guns and neither of them is exactly a trained soldier or skilled with their weapon, bloodshed and death are frequently byproducts. This is the first time I can remember a store owner pulling a gun on a would-be robber and a) having the robber get down on his knees and beg for his life and b) decide to change his religion to that of the store owner who pulled the gun on him. That bizarre scene unfolded on Long Island in New York, where Mohammad Sohail was closing up his convenience store just after midnight on May 21. The store’s surveillance camera shows a man entering the store holding a baseball bat and demanding money. "He said, 'Hurry up and give me the money, give me the money!' and I said, 'Hold on'," Sohail recalled. Realizing that the robber had brought a bat to a gun fight, Sohail reached under the counter, grabbed his gun and told the robber to drop the bat and get down on his knees. "He's crying like a baby," Sohail said. "He says, 'Don't call police, don't shoot me, I have no money, I have no food in my house.’” Interesting plea…..and the cynic among us would wonder if this tool was just saying that to get out of a tough spot. Yet as the man continued to profusely apologize, Sohail said he felt compassion for the man. Sohail made the man promise never to rob anyone again and when he agreed, Sohail gave him $40 and a loaf of bread. That gesture proved to be a life-altering one for both men. “When he gets $40, he's very impressed, he says, 'I want to be a Muslim just like you,' " Sohail said. He had the robber-turned-beggar recite a Muslim oath and told him, “Congratulations. You are now a Muslim and your name is Nawaz Sharif Zardari.'” Oddly enough, neither Sohail nor the police know the identity of the robber. After becoming a Muslim, the man fled the store as Sohail went to get him some free milk. For his part, Sohail doesn’t intend to press charges even if police find his new friend. “The guy, you know, everybody has a hard time right now, it's too bad for everybody right now in this economy," he said. Truly a bizarre scene and thankfully, a convenience store robbery didn’t end in bloodshed for once……..
- I hesitate to bring this next story up because doing so will dredge up the painful memories of Prison Break’s all-time awful final scene, but I’ll forge ahead for your sake. Over all four seasons of Fox’s stellar series about a group of cons breaking out of Fox River Penitentiary in Illinois and their subsequent run from various government agencies, Robert Knepper became a huge fan favorite. For a guy who plays a convicted child rapist and murderer who is every bit as despicable as you’d expect and then some. Yet Knepper so brought the character of Theodore "T-Bag" Bagwell to life that you could never have imagined the show without him. But now that PB has ended, I’m happy to see Knepper joining antoehr of my absolute favorite shows: NBC's Heroes. He’ll appear when Heroes returns this fall and follow in the shoes of actors like Malcolm McDowell, who have played the role of the uber-villain for a given season of the sci-fi thrill ride.
In the Season 4 volume "Redemption," Knepper will play Samuel, the charismatic yet wicked ringmaster of a literal circus. As you’d expect, he’s far from the only addition to the cast. Heroes will also be adding Californication's Madeline Zima as a Gretchen, a prickly, cantankerous fellow student that Claire Bennet (Hayden Panettiere) encounters as she heads off to college (apparently fulfilling the wishes of dad H.R.G. to at least try and have a normal life - or at least pretend to). There is also the show’s new start time to discuss: Monday nights at 8 p.m., an hour earlier than in the past. Also, rather than break up the season into two ambiguously labeled, disjointed parts in the fall and spring, the plan for this season appears to be a continuous season as other mega-shows like are Lost wont to do. Oh, and gotta love the ambiguity on NBC’s part as to how many episodes Season 4 will consist of. At the network’s May upfronts, boss Ben Silverman explained that NBC has ordered "around 19 episodes" of the series. Don’t be too specific there, B. Wouldn’t want fans to know classified, highly valuable intel like how many episodes they’ll have to watch…….
- Count me as one of the many who are extremely happy to see new NFL Players Association executive director DeMaurice Smith stepping up to help the scores of former players who were all but ignored by his predecessor, the late Gene Upshaw. I take no joy in being critical of someone who passed away less than a year ago, but Upshaw incorrectly believed that he was under no obligation to help former players who suffered from debilitating injuries and illnesses caused by their time in the NFL. His reasoning was that he was there only for the current players, even if the current players would have virtually none of their luxurious lifestyles if not for those former players. After Upshaw passes away, Smith was selected as the new NFLPA leader and among the things he has done in his short time on the job, reaching out to the various groups of former players that have formed to fight for their rights is the most noteworthy from where I sit. Last November, a group of retired players led by former Green Bay Packers and Dallas Cowboys cornerback Herb Adderley won a lawsuit against the NFLPA for $28.1 million. Adderley was the lead plaintiff in a class action suit on behalf of 2,056 retired players who claimed the union had breached licensing and marketing terms for use of their images in video games, sports trading cards and other dealings. Rather than do what Upshaw probably would have done - namely fight the judgment as long as possible and drag it out in court for years - Smith elected to live up to his call for unity between active and retired players. Under his leadership, the NFLPA has settled the lawsuit for nearly $26 million. The agreement was formally announced today, although news of the deal came out yesterday. A 10-person federal jury in a San Francisco court made a unanimous finding in favor of the players, but the amount awarded in the case was far short of the $90 million in damages that the plaintiffs claimed. Instead, the jury awarded $7.1 million in actual damages and $21 million in punitive damages. A U.S. District Judge upheld the award in January, with the NFLPA’s lead attorney on the case, Jeff Kessler, vowing an aggressive appeal of the verdict. Instead, Smith was chosen as the new union head in March and steered the conflict toward a peaceful resolution instead of another all-out brawl. Props on that, D. Smith. Here’s hoping that this is the start of a beautiful working relationship and perhaps even a friendship between the NFLPA and former players…….
- Are you getting uppity with us, Cuba? We were good enough to agree to sit down and talk with you about reopening diplomatic relations and various other subjects and now you’re copping an attitude? After the Organization of American States was magnanimous enough to lift the 47-year-old suspension of your country's membership, you’re going to reject that offer? Ricardo Alarcon, president of the National Assembly, made the announcement Friday, turning down the multinational organization’s olive branch after nearly five decades of banishment. Alarcon’s announcement was merely a formality after former Cuban President Fidel Castro had said earlier this week that Cuba had no interest in rejoining the 35-nation group. Apparently the reason Cuba rejected the offer was because as part of the deal, Latin American leaders set up a mechanism by which Cuba could rejoin and much of the dialogue would have centered on human rights. When U.S. Secretary of State Hank Clinton applauded that decision, I’m guessing Cuban leaders didn’t appreciate it much. Actually, the United States had sought to obtain concessions from Cuba this year in exchange for readmission to the OAS, so the decision by Latin American leaders to impose certain standards on the Cubans follows in that same vein. As for Cuba….look, I understand your thing is being the badass, rogue Communist nation that doesn’t take orders from anyone. You’re going to ruthlessly run your country and you don’t want outsiders bossing you around. However, now is not the time for you to channel your inner evil Cuba and throw a temper tantrum just because the U.S. is asking you to grant greater political and personal freedoms for your island's 11 million citizens. What’s wrong with a few basic personal freedoms for your people? Is that going to be the end of the world? You’re sending very conflicting messages about whether you want to be a part of the civilized world and global community, Cuba. Make up your mind and let us know some time soon, if you don’t mind…….
Thursday, June 04, 2009
A second chance for Kimbo Slice, warnings to losers who go to strip clubs and ripping off J.D. Salinger
- My, how the tune changes when you think someone can help make you some money, eh Dana White? For the past year, the president of Ultimate Fighting Championships has been bashing YouTube sensation and former rising mixed-martial arts star Kimbo Slice (a.k.a. Kevin Ferguson) as a no-talent chump who couldn’t fight his way out of a box made of wet toilet paper. White’s criticisms seemed somewhat accurate after second-tier MMA promotion Elite XC signed Slice as its banner star, set him up with a few tomato cans to beat down in his first two fights and then pinned the hopes of the entire company on Slice as he took part in the headline bout for an Elite XC event broadcast on CBS in October. Both Slice and Elite XC took a kill shot to the head when UFC reject Seth Petruzelli was picked as a last-second replacement to fight Slice when Ken Shamrock had to pull out due to an injury and subsequently knocked Slice out in 14 seconds. A pink-haired hack like Petruzelli demolishing its star ruined Elite XC and the company went out of business shortly thereafter. Kimbo Slice was left out in the cold and after having his lack of in-ring skills and experience exposed, the odds of him ever becoming a successful MMAer seemed very slim. UFC president Dana White had been critical of Slice before his loss to Petruzelli and after the loss, he lit Slice up with a fury. Yet here we are, less than a year after that humbling loss and there’s White signing Slice to be on the 10th season of The Ultimate Fighter. The show, with Quinton "Rampage" Jackson and Rashad Evans as the coaches, will once again pit aspiring MMA fighters against one another and award a UFC contract to the winner. I’ll be very interested to see if Slice does really have what it takes to be a successful fighter once his raw physical abilities are paired with coaching from successful fighters like Evans and Jackson. Also, how awesome would it be to see him win that contract and end up fighting for the very guy who has been lighting him up with prejudice for more than a year……..
- For those of you who have been taking part in an office pool centering on whether legendarily reclusive author J.D. Salinger is still alive, you now have your answer - I think. I assume that Salinger is still alive, otherwise his lawyers are just filing lawsuits on his behalf for the heck of it. Salinger, a man whom most of you probably cursed regularly throughout high school when you were forced to read his famous tome “The Catcher in the Rye,” has emerged, at least in the pages of court documents, to try to stop a novel that presents Holden Caulfield, the disaffected teen hero of his most famous work, as an old man. The author of this new book isn’t exactly a quality, stand-up dude, because if he were then he wouldn’t be hiding behind the pen name J.D. California and publishing his work through a Swedish company that advertises joke books and a "sexual dictionary" on its Web site. I can see where Salinger might be upset and why his lawyers would file suit in federal court this week to stop publication, sale and advertisement of "60 Years Later: Coming Through the Rye.” Whoever J.D. California is, he’s neither clever nor original and he is blatantly looking to rip off a great literary work and clown it for his own personal gain. “The Sequel infringes Salinger's copyright rights in both his novel and the character Holden Caulfield, who is the narrator and essence of that novel,” said the suit, filed Monday in U.S. District Court in New York. Agreed and agreed. You don’t need to have read "The Catcher in the Rye," (published in 1951) to understand its significance. The book is still cited as an iconic take on teen alienation to this day and is regularly listed among the greatest English-language novels ever written. Salinger, 90, has been a near-total recluse in New Hampshire for most of the past half-century and has consistently rejected any offers to step back into the public eye. He went so far as to turn down an offer from director Steven Spielberg to make "Catcher" into a movie. He’s clearly not nostalgic or hung up on his book and the book’s primary character, Holden Caulfield. “There's no more to Holden Caulfield. Read the book again. It's all there," the court filing quotes Salinger as saying in 1980. "Holden Caulfield is only a frozen moment in time.” In the filing, Salinger’s attorneys don’t even dignify J.D. California by using his assumed name. Instead, the filing refers to the new book's author as "John Doe," saying that the name John David California probably is made up. According to John Doe/J.D. California’s bio on Amazon.com, he is the son of a Swedish mother and American father who was named after the state where he was born. This biography might actually be a better work of fiction than the book this hack has created, because it paints him as a former gravedigger and triathlete who found a copy of Salinger's novel "in an abandoned cabin in rural Cambodia" and that it helped him survive "the most maniacal of tropical fevers and chronic isolation.” Wow…..I’m not sure which is more blatantly fake: that lie of a biography or the name J.D. California. Whoever this loser is, his sorry excuse for a book is written from a first-person point of view and is based on a character, "Mr. C," who flees his nursing home and "embarks on a curious journey through the streets of New York.” Look for Salinger to win this case easily against Swedish publisher Nicotext; its offshoot, Windupbird Publishing Ltd.; and California-based SCB Distributors. In the meantime, just sit back and laugh at SCB, which calls "60 Years Later" a work of "social science fiction," and says it has every right to publish the book. A hearing in the case is expected Monday, at which Salinger's lawyers will ask a judge to freeze publication of the book until a final ruling is made. With “60 Years” not scheduled for release in the United States until September, there appears to be no rush. Regardless of how the case turns out, it’s at least nice to know that Salinger is (theoretically) alive and well………
- I have been and always will be of the opinion that if you go inside a strip club for any reason, you are a loser - well, unless you’re a cop making an arrest. Even if one of your buddies is at the strip (or as Pacman Jones would call it, scrip) club and is too drunk to drive home, you don’t go inside to get him. He can come out and meet you in the parking lot so you don’t have to set foot inside. Simply put, if you want to see a woman take her clothes off, you should have the game to make it happen without going some place where women are paid to undress. If you can't accomplish that, then you are in fact a loser. For that reason, I can't muster much sympathy for Michael Ireland of West Palm Beach, Fla. I’m also fairly sure that Ireland is a liar, which further lessons any potential tendencies toward sympathy. What isn’t being disputed is that Ireland went to the Cheetah Palm Beach club in West Palm Beach last year and had an altercation with dancer Sakeena Shageer while she was getting her skank on, grinding on that filthy brass pole and having greasy losers shove $1 bills down her g-string. What is up for debate is who initiated the physicality, with Ireland claiming that Shageer kicked him 'without warning' and the club claiming that Ireland slapped Shageer in the buttocks and she turned around and kicked him. That’s the story told by Rod Kimbrough, the bar’s manager. Ireland also claims that he attempted to resolve the lawsuit with the club's insurance carrier, but when those efforts failed he filed a lawsuit. Just be thankful I’m not the one hearing your case, loser. You’d lose before you even set foot in the courtroom by virtue of being a loser who goes to strip clubs. You deserve most anything you get when you set foot in one of those sleazy crap holes, with the possible exception of losing your life. Other than that, if you don’t want bad things to happen to you at a strip club, then don’t go to one. Lawsuit dismissed with prejudice, next…….
- I wish I could say I was surprised. Then again, how can you be surprised at anything done by two vapid, self-absorbed, narcissistic, IQ-deprived losers thrust into the spotlight by virtue of the menace that is reality television? As I always say, no two people have become better known while contributing less to the world than Heidi and Spencer of The Hills “fame,” so suffice it to say I wish both of them would fall into an active volcano and be obliterated. Instead, they are among the “celebrities” (I prefer the term cultural punchlines) appearing on NBC’s crap-tacular summer reality series I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here. If you had been presented with the chances these two have been given while knowing that you in no way deserved those opportunities, wouldn’t you at least try to act grateful? You or I might, be not these two ass clowns. Just one day into their adventure with nine other non-celebrity losers in the jungles of Costa Rica, Heidi and Spencer decided that they were just too good to be a part of the proceedings. The couple quit the show on Tuesday after having a diva moment, punctuated by Pratt telling his fellow contestants that he's "too rich and too famous" for the show. Too rich? Maybe, because even if he is a total tool, there’s no denying that dude and his family are wealthy. As for being too famous…..assuming that by “too famous” you mean arrogant, pompous, stupid, shallow and ignorant, then I agree that you are too famous to be on this or any other TV show. But as with all divas, Heidi and Spencer threw their diva fit without truly considering what they were doing. After having time to contemplate, they begged and pleaded via Twitter (of course) that they would be allowed to return to the show. "The devil fooled speidi in to making an awful decision and we are praying to Jesus to get NBC to give us another shot to redeem," Pratt wrote. Wow, where to begin. First, anyone who uses a celebrity couple name like Speidi or Bennifer is a Grade-A ass hat. Using a celebrity couple name of which you are a part is ass-hattery of the highest degree, multiplied by infinity. Second, ass clown, you and your troll wife were threatening to bail on the show Monday night in the very first episode and you both complained about the show's very un-Hollywood conditions. I know you’re both idiots, but didn’t you read (or have someone else read for you) the contract you signed for the show? You should have had some clue what it was about before you agreed to appear on it. If it were me making the call, Spencer and Heidi would be getting nowhere near the show ever again. However, NBC is apparently relenting and allowing them a second chance. In Wednesday night’s episode, the remaining contestants were given the chance to vote on whether Heidi and Spencer would be allowed to rejoin them in the jungle, with that decision to be announced on tonight’s show. Guess that call Spencer placed to NBC President Ben Silverman to complain about the conditions on the show was just a temporary moment of insanity…..from an idiot. I’m never a guy who likes to tell people, “I told you so,” but in regards to the dangers of making imbeciles like Heidi and Spencer famous when they clearly have done nothing to merit it, I told you so……..
- So maybe not everyone in Vassalboro, Maine is a big fan of the town’s topless coffee shop. When Donald Crabtree opened Grand View Coffee Shop in February, it received national attention because it combined two things - coffee and nudity - that you don’t normally associate with one another. Since opening, the coffee shop seems to have done well. I base assessment on the fact that at a Tuesday night planning board meeting, Crabtree talked about his expansion plans for the business as well as having dancing and longer operating hours. If he’s talking expansion, I’d say business is at least solid if not very good. Those expansion plans now appear very much dead, given the fact that the Grand View Coffee Shop is now a charred pile of rubble. An ambulance crew that was returning to town from a call saw the fire around 1 a.m. on May 27. They awakened owner Donald Crabtree and six other people who were asleep at the time, all of whom escaped the building without injury. Six days after the fire, the state fire marshal's office ruled that the three-alarm fire was caused by arson. Unfortunately, they don’t know much beyond that. There are no suspects at this point and the fire marshal is taking the always-discouraging step of asking for the public's help in the investigation. Any time the authorities can't solve a crime and have to turn to the public for help, it’s what you’d call a bad sign. So if you live in or around Vassalboro and saw anything suspicious in the area of the coffee shop around 1 a.m. Wednesday, give the fire marshal a call. Regardless of whether the culprit is caught or not, Donald Crabtree is in a bad spot. While the building housing the coffee shop was paid for, Crabtree inexplicably did not have insurance for it. In other words, he’s out a building and up in flames are his plans to open a strip club at the site. Color me cynical, but those plans for a strip club might have been what spurred the unidentified arsonist to action. I too hate strip clubs and believe that anyone who frequents them is a loser, but I can’t say as I advocate burning buildings that house or may house them in the future to be burned to the ground……..
- For those of you who have been taking part in an office pool centering on whether legendarily reclusive author J.D. Salinger is still alive, you now have your answer - I think. I assume that Salinger is still alive, otherwise his lawyers are just filing lawsuits on his behalf for the heck of it. Salinger, a man whom most of you probably cursed regularly throughout high school when you were forced to read his famous tome “The Catcher in the Rye,” has emerged, at least in the pages of court documents, to try to stop a novel that presents Holden Caulfield, the disaffected teen hero of his most famous work, as an old man. The author of this new book isn’t exactly a quality, stand-up dude, because if he were then he wouldn’t be hiding behind the pen name J.D. California and publishing his work through a Swedish company that advertises joke books and a "sexual dictionary" on its Web site. I can see where Salinger might be upset and why his lawyers would file suit in federal court this week to stop publication, sale and advertisement of "60 Years Later: Coming Through the Rye.” Whoever J.D. California is, he’s neither clever nor original and he is blatantly looking to rip off a great literary work and clown it for his own personal gain. “The Sequel infringes Salinger's copyright rights in both his novel and the character Holden Caulfield, who is the narrator and essence of that novel,” said the suit, filed Monday in U.S. District Court in New York. Agreed and agreed. You don’t need to have read "The Catcher in the Rye," (published in 1951) to understand its significance. The book is still cited as an iconic take on teen alienation to this day and is regularly listed among the greatest English-language novels ever written. Salinger, 90, has been a near-total recluse in New Hampshire for most of the past half-century and has consistently rejected any offers to step back into the public eye. He went so far as to turn down an offer from director Steven Spielberg to make "Catcher" into a movie. He’s clearly not nostalgic or hung up on his book and the book’s primary character, Holden Caulfield. “There's no more to Holden Caulfield. Read the book again. It's all there," the court filing quotes Salinger as saying in 1980. "Holden Caulfield is only a frozen moment in time.” In the filing, Salinger’s attorneys don’t even dignify J.D. California by using his assumed name. Instead, the filing refers to the new book's author as "John Doe," saying that the name John David California probably is made up. According to John Doe/J.D. California’s bio on Amazon.com, he is the son of a Swedish mother and American father who was named after the state where he was born. This biography might actually be a better work of fiction than the book this hack has created, because it paints him as a former gravedigger and triathlete who found a copy of Salinger's novel "in an abandoned cabin in rural Cambodia" and that it helped him survive "the most maniacal of tropical fevers and chronic isolation.” Wow…..I’m not sure which is more blatantly fake: that lie of a biography or the name J.D. California. Whoever this loser is, his sorry excuse for a book is written from a first-person point of view and is based on a character, "Mr. C," who flees his nursing home and "embarks on a curious journey through the streets of New York.” Look for Salinger to win this case easily against Swedish publisher Nicotext; its offshoot, Windupbird Publishing Ltd.; and California-based SCB Distributors. In the meantime, just sit back and laugh at SCB, which calls "60 Years Later" a work of "social science fiction," and says it has every right to publish the book. A hearing in the case is expected Monday, at which Salinger's lawyers will ask a judge to freeze publication of the book until a final ruling is made. With “60 Years” not scheduled for release in the United States until September, there appears to be no rush. Regardless of how the case turns out, it’s at least nice to know that Salinger is (theoretically) alive and well………
- I have been and always will be of the opinion that if you go inside a strip club for any reason, you are a loser - well, unless you’re a cop making an arrest. Even if one of your buddies is at the strip (or as Pacman Jones would call it, scrip) club and is too drunk to drive home, you don’t go inside to get him. He can come out and meet you in the parking lot so you don’t have to set foot inside. Simply put, if you want to see a woman take her clothes off, you should have the game to make it happen without going some place where women are paid to undress. If you can't accomplish that, then you are in fact a loser. For that reason, I can't muster much sympathy for Michael Ireland of West Palm Beach, Fla. I’m also fairly sure that Ireland is a liar, which further lessons any potential tendencies toward sympathy. What isn’t being disputed is that Ireland went to the Cheetah Palm Beach club in West Palm Beach last year and had an altercation with dancer Sakeena Shageer while she was getting her skank on, grinding on that filthy brass pole and having greasy losers shove $1 bills down her g-string. What is up for debate is who initiated the physicality, with Ireland claiming that Shageer kicked him 'without warning' and the club claiming that Ireland slapped Shageer in the buttocks and she turned around and kicked him. That’s the story told by Rod Kimbrough, the bar’s manager. Ireland also claims that he attempted to resolve the lawsuit with the club's insurance carrier, but when those efforts failed he filed a lawsuit. Just be thankful I’m not the one hearing your case, loser. You’d lose before you even set foot in the courtroom by virtue of being a loser who goes to strip clubs. You deserve most anything you get when you set foot in one of those sleazy crap holes, with the possible exception of losing your life. Other than that, if you don’t want bad things to happen to you at a strip club, then don’t go to one. Lawsuit dismissed with prejudice, next…….
- I wish I could say I was surprised. Then again, how can you be surprised at anything done by two vapid, self-absorbed, narcissistic, IQ-deprived losers thrust into the spotlight by virtue of the menace that is reality television? As I always say, no two people have become better known while contributing less to the world than Heidi and Spencer of The Hills “fame,” so suffice it to say I wish both of them would fall into an active volcano and be obliterated. Instead, they are among the “celebrities” (I prefer the term cultural punchlines) appearing on NBC’s crap-tacular summer reality series I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here. If you had been presented with the chances these two have been given while knowing that you in no way deserved those opportunities, wouldn’t you at least try to act grateful? You or I might, be not these two ass clowns. Just one day into their adventure with nine other non-celebrity losers in the jungles of Costa Rica, Heidi and Spencer decided that they were just too good to be a part of the proceedings. The couple quit the show on Tuesday after having a diva moment, punctuated by Pratt telling his fellow contestants that he's "too rich and too famous" for the show. Too rich? Maybe, because even if he is a total tool, there’s no denying that dude and his family are wealthy. As for being too famous…..assuming that by “too famous” you mean arrogant, pompous, stupid, shallow and ignorant, then I agree that you are too famous to be on this or any other TV show. But as with all divas, Heidi and Spencer threw their diva fit without truly considering what they were doing. After having time to contemplate, they begged and pleaded via Twitter (of course) that they would be allowed to return to the show. "The devil fooled speidi in to making an awful decision and we are praying to Jesus to get NBC to give us another shot to redeem," Pratt wrote. Wow, where to begin. First, anyone who uses a celebrity couple name like Speidi or Bennifer is a Grade-A ass hat. Using a celebrity couple name of which you are a part is ass-hattery of the highest degree, multiplied by infinity. Second, ass clown, you and your troll wife were threatening to bail on the show Monday night in the very first episode and you both complained about the show's very un-Hollywood conditions. I know you’re both idiots, but didn’t you read (or have someone else read for you) the contract you signed for the show? You should have had some clue what it was about before you agreed to appear on it. If it were me making the call, Spencer and Heidi would be getting nowhere near the show ever again. However, NBC is apparently relenting and allowing them a second chance. In Wednesday night’s episode, the remaining contestants were given the chance to vote on whether Heidi and Spencer would be allowed to rejoin them in the jungle, with that decision to be announced on tonight’s show. Guess that call Spencer placed to NBC President Ben Silverman to complain about the conditions on the show was just a temporary moment of insanity…..from an idiot. I’m never a guy who likes to tell people, “I told you so,” but in regards to the dangers of making imbeciles like Heidi and Spencer famous when they clearly have done nothing to merit it, I told you so……..
- So maybe not everyone in Vassalboro, Maine is a big fan of the town’s topless coffee shop. When Donald Crabtree opened Grand View Coffee Shop in February, it received national attention because it combined two things - coffee and nudity - that you don’t normally associate with one another. Since opening, the coffee shop seems to have done well. I base assessment on the fact that at a Tuesday night planning board meeting, Crabtree talked about his expansion plans for the business as well as having dancing and longer operating hours. If he’s talking expansion, I’d say business is at least solid if not very good. Those expansion plans now appear very much dead, given the fact that the Grand View Coffee Shop is now a charred pile of rubble. An ambulance crew that was returning to town from a call saw the fire around 1 a.m. on May 27. They awakened owner Donald Crabtree and six other people who were asleep at the time, all of whom escaped the building without injury. Six days after the fire, the state fire marshal's office ruled that the three-alarm fire was caused by arson. Unfortunately, they don’t know much beyond that. There are no suspects at this point and the fire marshal is taking the always-discouraging step of asking for the public's help in the investigation. Any time the authorities can't solve a crime and have to turn to the public for help, it’s what you’d call a bad sign. So if you live in or around Vassalboro and saw anything suspicious in the area of the coffee shop around 1 a.m. Wednesday, give the fire marshal a call. Regardless of whether the culprit is caught or not, Donald Crabtree is in a bad spot. While the building housing the coffee shop was paid for, Crabtree inexplicably did not have insurance for it. In other words, he’s out a building and up in flames are his plans to open a strip club at the site. Color me cynical, but those plans for a strip club might have been what spurred the unidentified arsonist to action. I too hate strip clubs and believe that anyone who frequents them is a loser, but I can’t say as I advocate burning buildings that house or may house them in the future to be burned to the ground……..
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
Wishing Dick Cheney would fade into Bolivian, being disappointed by good Samartians and Brandon Marshall doesn't appear to be a good dude
- So I still have no idea why Dick Cheney is still talking or why anyone is listening to that tool, but at least he’s giving us plenty to mock by continuing his tour de idiocy. After years of anyone with an IQ above 47 ripping the W. administration’s decision to invade Iraq and start a war that we’re still struggling to end and W. defending that decision by saying it was due in large part to battling terror after 9/11, Cheney admits that he does not believe Saddam Hussein was involved in the planning or execution of the September 11, 2001, attacks. In other words, the justification the American people had crammed down our throats at the time is now being dismissed by one of the very men who was force-feeding it to us. Oh, and how noble of Cheney to also defend the W. administration's decision to invade Iraq by arguing that Hussein's previous support for known terrorists was a serious danger after 9/11. Sounds pretty flimsy to be, Mr. “I Shoot Friends in the Face on Hunting Trips.” Tell us how you really feel, jackass. “I do not believe and have never seen any evidence to confirm that [Hussein] was involved in 9/11. We had that reporting for a while, [but] eventually it turned out not to be true.” That’s all you’ve got to say about that? “It turned out not to be true?” How’s about an apology for using that rationale to interject is into a war that had no business existing? You wanting to label Hussein as "somebody who provided sanctuary and safe harbor and resources to terrorists” doesn’t fly, because if we were to invade every country whose leaders fit that description, we’d have a few dozen invasions on our hands by now. I’m not sure what’s funnier: that Cheney is doubling back on this issue now or if he expects anyone to believe him when he insists that "there was a relationship between al Qaeda and Iraq that stretched back 10 years. It's not something I made up. ... We know for a fact that Saddam Hussein was a sponsor -- a state sponsor -- of terror. It's not my judgment. That was the judgment of our [intelligence community] and State Department." Yes, but the judgment you are now doubling back on was a similar judgment and a few years later, you’re admitting you were wrong, yet you want us to believe you on one and not the other? Oh, and big ups to Cheney for throwing former CIA Director George Tenet under the bus by calling him the "prime source of information" on the relationship between Iraq and al Qaeda. Anything to keep from owning your own mistakes, eh Dick? But what the hey, let’s give this clown a chance to redeem himself by commenting on yet another issue he has no business commenting on because HE’S NO LONGER THIS COUNTRY’S VICE PRESIDENT, namely the Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, detention center. Cheney called Gitmo a "good facility.” Good how? Good in that it did a good job depriving detainees of basic rights granted them by the Geneva Convention? Good in that it did a good job holding accused men without giving them due legal process? If that’s what you mean by it being a good facility, then I wholeheartedly concur. But again, we’d all be better served if Dick Cheney would realize that he is no longer Vice President Dick Cheney, shut his pie hole and as Mike Tyson would say, fade into Bolivian……
- I feel pretty confident in saying that Denver Broncos receiver Brandon Marshall is not a great guy. I’ve never met Marshall, never spoken to him and to the best of my knowledge, never been any closer to him than the 100 miles or so between Cleveland and my hometown when his Broncos played the Browns two seasons ago. However, when a guy has been arrested five times and police have responded to calls involving him 13 (yes, a freaking baker’s dozen) in the past five years, you’re not dealing with a very good dude. These are the facts being reported by ESPN's "Outside the Lines," which detailed seven reported incidents of domestic violence between Marshall and longtime girlfriend Rasheedah Watley. Marshall went on record as claiming that he has never, ever physically abused his lady. "I've never put my hand on Rasheedah Watley," Marshall said. Problem is, that doesn’t jive with what Whatley is saying, namely that Marshall once choked her on the bed. “Like, really, really choked me," Watley said. Watley’s claims are much easier to believe once you’ve heard the tapes of the 911 calls in which Watley claimed that Marshall allegedly blocked a taxi cab carrying Watley from leaving his apartment complex and another from Watley's friend after she reportedly tried blocking Marshall from leaving a hospital parking lot. If the claims these women are making have even a small component of truth to them, then Marshall isn’t just a bad guy; he’s a raging, borderline-psycho loose cannon. The scariest incident has to be the one that prompted Watley’s friend to call 911 after the incident in the hospital parking lot, during which Marshall allegedly rammed her car with his sport utility vehicle and threatened to throw a rock at her car. However, don’t paint Watley as a completely innocent victim in all of this. According to published reports, Marshall's attorney received an e-mail from Watley's attorney asking for $100,000 in exchange for no charges being filed and a subsequent e-mail requesting $500,000. “It's evident this is clearly about money," Marshall said. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, B. Just because your former girlfriend might be a greedy scammer doesn’t mean that you aren’t also guilty of the charges against you. I’d say the truth is somewhere in the middle of what Marshall and Watley are alleging of one another and that this was an all-around dysfunctional relationship in which both parties were guilty of a whole lot……
- I guess the tough economic times in the United States aren’t quite tough enough - yet - to convince some good Samaritans to take advantage when life hands them a huge opportunity. You’d think that with entire industries capsizing and needing government bailouts and millions of ordinary Americans barely able to sustain their families, everyone would be willing to take a nice, fat, free handouts from life. But if two good Samaritans in Syracuse, New York are returning more than $275,000 that tumbled out of an improperly secured armored truck last week, that must not be the case. Yes, a few opportunistic souls did reaffirm my faith in the me-first, whatever-is-necessary nature of America by walking away with another $60,000 that fell onto the street, but the fact remains that some 82 percent of the cash that fell from a Brinks armored truck was returned. What is this, America or Pleasantville, where all is good, honorable and old-fashioned? Dammit, when more than a dozen bags of money are inadvertently strewn on the ground in front of the Syracuse Antiques Exchange, I expect their to be an all-out bum rush by everyone in sight to grab that cash and run. If the Brinks guards are careless enough to allow bags of money to slip out of an open door on the side of the truck proceed to their intended destination, a Brinks facility a few blocks away, without noticing, then they forfeit their right to expect that money to be returned. Much of the fault has to go to David Jenks, the owner of the antiques shop, and Hanson Herring, who had just gotten a haircut at a nearby barbershop, Cuttin Up. They were the first to arrive on the scene and although Herring said at first he thought the bags merely contained garbage, what he did next is the real garbage. Once he realized there was money inside, everything from coins to $100 bills, he had a choice to make. Unfortunately, Herring and Jenks made the wrong decision from a personal gain standpoint. The two men then began to round up the bags and load them into plastic postal bins. As always happens in these situations, word quickly spread in the area that hundreds of thousands of dollars lay in the street. Within minutes, people streamed out of passing cars and adjacent businesses and sadly, most of them joined in the recovery effort. Eventually, Herring, Jenks and their legion of do-gooders recovered $276,160 divided among 14 bags. Police aren’t sure if the two bags containing some $60,000 that are still missing fell from the truck at an earlier point along its route, or whether someone at the scene of the spill escaped with them. And yes, I realize that it is grand larceny, a felony, to keep a sack of money one chances upon. However, I also realize that all Hanson Herring received for his efforts was a T-shirt and a gold coin commemorating Brinks Co.’s 150th anniversary. Some reward, H. I’m just not sure I want to live in a country where people do the right thing and turn down the chance to make themselves significantly richer simply by virtue of being in the right place at the right time……
- The University of Florida: irony resides here. It was in Gainesville that UF student Andrew Meyer became a household name by causing a disturbance at a town hall meeting for Sen. John Kerry and getting roughed up by campus police, leading to the infamous, “Don’t Tase me, bro!” clip that has been viewed on YouTube millions of times since. So it’s fitting that Florida Gators starting cornerback Janoris Jenkins was arrested over the weekend and hit with a Taser blast by Gainesville police. Gainesville Police spokesman Lt. Keith Kameg says police saw Jenkins punch another man in the head shortly after 2 a.m. Saturday outside of (where else?) a club. When officers arrived on the scene and told Jenkins to stop fighting, he refused and that’s when the Tasers came out. What’s amazing is that even after that Taser blast, Jenkins still tried to run away from the cops. Guess they didn’t have the electrodes jacked up to full force, otherwise Jenkins would have been violently convulsing on the ground instead of trying to get away. And why did this fight start in the first place? You just know there’s a good reason for two dudes to be brawling outside of a club at 2 a.m. on a Saturday, right? That reason would be Jenkins thinking someone was going to steal the gold chain around his neck. Oh, well if you thought that someone was going to steal your bling, then it’s all good. Did you read that person’s mind to find out, maybe see it in their eyes or did they actually say, “That’s a nice chain, I’m going to thieve it from you,”? Whatever spurred these two Mensas to lock horns, Jenkins was the one who couldn’t manage to get himself under control once the cops showed up. He’s the one who got him with a Taser blast (and no, I don’t know if he yelped, “Don’t Tase me, bro!”). Just a word of advice for my man Janoris, but once the cops show up and they pull out their Taser, feel free to view that as the opportune time to cease any illegal behavior. I don’t care if you’re a 350-pound defensive lineman who can bench press 450 pounds (which Jenkins isn’t), you’re not standing up to a Taser blast. What you will be doing is getting arrested and charged with fighting and resisting arrest. It almost doesn’t matter if Jenkins is found to have acted in self-defense, as his attorney Huntley Johnson says, and if prosecution is deferred or charges dismissed. People aren’t going to remember that the charges ultimately went away; they will remember that yet another UF football player was arrested for acting like a thug and that he got Tasered. I doubt UF head coach Urban Meyer will suspend Jenkins for this incident because that’s just not what happens at football factories like Florida, not when the player in question was named to the SEC Coaches' All-Freshman Team last year and became the second true freshman in school history to start at cornerback on opening day. Hopefully, Janoris Jenkins learns a lesson from this incident and this goes down as the first and last time he’s on the wrong end of a Taser, but for some reason I doubt it will be……..
- The sad state of the American economy may not be enough to spur some citizens to abscond with bags of money that fall from a moving Brinks truck, but it is enough to spur companies and entities associated with popular summer destinations to offer Americans a bit of a break. Both concert promoter Live Nation and the federal government are getting in on the act by offering their own variations on fee-free activities. Live Nation announced this week that it will offer fee-free tickets to select Wednesday concerts throughout the summer, meaning that the ticket handling charges you normally have to pay to see your favorite band will go bye-bye on certain Wednesdays this summer, always a good thing. The best place to check on these shows is your local music venue, assuming you live near a venue large enough to hold a Live Nation-promoted concert. You can also skip the fees if you are visiting one of America’s 147 National Park Service sites that charge entry fees on the weekends of June 20 and 21, July 18 and 19, and August 15 and 16. Fees for these sites range from $3 to $25, but for these three weekends you’ll finally get a break from fees. Couple that with the new law passed by Congress allowing you to carry a concealed weapon into a national park and I don’t see a single solid reason not to make a beeline for your nearest national park site on one of the three weekends I just mentioned. No fees, freedom to bring your Glock or 9mm AND a chance to enjoy the beauty of nature? Win-win, amigos. Clearly the government hopes that the elimination of fees will boost attendance and provide a jolt to the economies of the areas in which the parks are located, which is fine I suppose. Secretary of the Interior Ken Salaza made the announcement about the fee-free weekends on Tuesday at a news conference at Cuyahoga Valley National Park in Ohio. “National parks also serve as powerful economic engines for local communities, and we hope that promoting visitation will give a small shot in the arm to businesses in the area,” Salazar said. If his theory is correct, the move could help the national parks system surpass the more than 275 million recreation visits it recorded in 2008. All sarcasm aside, I am a big fan of the national parks system and definitely encourage you to get out and experience one (or more) for yourself if you have the chance……..
- I feel pretty confident in saying that Denver Broncos receiver Brandon Marshall is not a great guy. I’ve never met Marshall, never spoken to him and to the best of my knowledge, never been any closer to him than the 100 miles or so between Cleveland and my hometown when his Broncos played the Browns two seasons ago. However, when a guy has been arrested five times and police have responded to calls involving him 13 (yes, a freaking baker’s dozen) in the past five years, you’re not dealing with a very good dude. These are the facts being reported by ESPN's "Outside the Lines," which detailed seven reported incidents of domestic violence between Marshall and longtime girlfriend Rasheedah Watley. Marshall went on record as claiming that he has never, ever physically abused his lady. "I've never put my hand on Rasheedah Watley," Marshall said. Problem is, that doesn’t jive with what Whatley is saying, namely that Marshall once choked her on the bed. “Like, really, really choked me," Watley said. Watley’s claims are much easier to believe once you’ve heard the tapes of the 911 calls in which Watley claimed that Marshall allegedly blocked a taxi cab carrying Watley from leaving his apartment complex and another from Watley's friend after she reportedly tried blocking Marshall from leaving a hospital parking lot. If the claims these women are making have even a small component of truth to them, then Marshall isn’t just a bad guy; he’s a raging, borderline-psycho loose cannon. The scariest incident has to be the one that prompted Watley’s friend to call 911 after the incident in the hospital parking lot, during which Marshall allegedly rammed her car with his sport utility vehicle and threatened to throw a rock at her car. However, don’t paint Watley as a completely innocent victim in all of this. According to published reports, Marshall's attorney received an e-mail from Watley's attorney asking for $100,000 in exchange for no charges being filed and a subsequent e-mail requesting $500,000. “It's evident this is clearly about money," Marshall said. Maybe it is, maybe it isn’t, B. Just because your former girlfriend might be a greedy scammer doesn’t mean that you aren’t also guilty of the charges against you. I’d say the truth is somewhere in the middle of what Marshall and Watley are alleging of one another and that this was an all-around dysfunctional relationship in which both parties were guilty of a whole lot……
- I guess the tough economic times in the United States aren’t quite tough enough - yet - to convince some good Samaritans to take advantage when life hands them a huge opportunity. You’d think that with entire industries capsizing and needing government bailouts and millions of ordinary Americans barely able to sustain their families, everyone would be willing to take a nice, fat, free handouts from life. But if two good Samaritans in Syracuse, New York are returning more than $275,000 that tumbled out of an improperly secured armored truck last week, that must not be the case. Yes, a few opportunistic souls did reaffirm my faith in the me-first, whatever-is-necessary nature of America by walking away with another $60,000 that fell onto the street, but the fact remains that some 82 percent of the cash that fell from a Brinks armored truck was returned. What is this, America or Pleasantville, where all is good, honorable and old-fashioned? Dammit, when more than a dozen bags of money are inadvertently strewn on the ground in front of the Syracuse Antiques Exchange, I expect their to be an all-out bum rush by everyone in sight to grab that cash and run. If the Brinks guards are careless enough to allow bags of money to slip out of an open door on the side of the truck proceed to their intended destination, a Brinks facility a few blocks away, without noticing, then they forfeit their right to expect that money to be returned. Much of the fault has to go to David Jenks, the owner of the antiques shop, and Hanson Herring, who had just gotten a haircut at a nearby barbershop, Cuttin Up. They were the first to arrive on the scene and although Herring said at first he thought the bags merely contained garbage, what he did next is the real garbage. Once he realized there was money inside, everything from coins to $100 bills, he had a choice to make. Unfortunately, Herring and Jenks made the wrong decision from a personal gain standpoint. The two men then began to round up the bags and load them into plastic postal bins. As always happens in these situations, word quickly spread in the area that hundreds of thousands of dollars lay in the street. Within minutes, people streamed out of passing cars and adjacent businesses and sadly, most of them joined in the recovery effort. Eventually, Herring, Jenks and their legion of do-gooders recovered $276,160 divided among 14 bags. Police aren’t sure if the two bags containing some $60,000 that are still missing fell from the truck at an earlier point along its route, or whether someone at the scene of the spill escaped with them. And yes, I realize that it is grand larceny, a felony, to keep a sack of money one chances upon. However, I also realize that all Hanson Herring received for his efforts was a T-shirt and a gold coin commemorating Brinks Co.’s 150th anniversary. Some reward, H. I’m just not sure I want to live in a country where people do the right thing and turn down the chance to make themselves significantly richer simply by virtue of being in the right place at the right time……
- The University of Florida: irony resides here. It was in Gainesville that UF student Andrew Meyer became a household name by causing a disturbance at a town hall meeting for Sen. John Kerry and getting roughed up by campus police, leading to the infamous, “Don’t Tase me, bro!” clip that has been viewed on YouTube millions of times since. So it’s fitting that Florida Gators starting cornerback Janoris Jenkins was arrested over the weekend and hit with a Taser blast by Gainesville police. Gainesville Police spokesman Lt. Keith Kameg says police saw Jenkins punch another man in the head shortly after 2 a.m. Saturday outside of (where else?) a club. When officers arrived on the scene and told Jenkins to stop fighting, he refused and that’s when the Tasers came out. What’s amazing is that even after that Taser blast, Jenkins still tried to run away from the cops. Guess they didn’t have the electrodes jacked up to full force, otherwise Jenkins would have been violently convulsing on the ground instead of trying to get away. And why did this fight start in the first place? You just know there’s a good reason for two dudes to be brawling outside of a club at 2 a.m. on a Saturday, right? That reason would be Jenkins thinking someone was going to steal the gold chain around his neck. Oh, well if you thought that someone was going to steal your bling, then it’s all good. Did you read that person’s mind to find out, maybe see it in their eyes or did they actually say, “That’s a nice chain, I’m going to thieve it from you,”? Whatever spurred these two Mensas to lock horns, Jenkins was the one who couldn’t manage to get himself under control once the cops showed up. He’s the one who got him with a Taser blast (and no, I don’t know if he yelped, “Don’t Tase me, bro!”). Just a word of advice for my man Janoris, but once the cops show up and they pull out their Taser, feel free to view that as the opportune time to cease any illegal behavior. I don’t care if you’re a 350-pound defensive lineman who can bench press 450 pounds (which Jenkins isn’t), you’re not standing up to a Taser blast. What you will be doing is getting arrested and charged with fighting and resisting arrest. It almost doesn’t matter if Jenkins is found to have acted in self-defense, as his attorney Huntley Johnson says, and if prosecution is deferred or charges dismissed. People aren’t going to remember that the charges ultimately went away; they will remember that yet another UF football player was arrested for acting like a thug and that he got Tasered. I doubt UF head coach Urban Meyer will suspend Jenkins for this incident because that’s just not what happens at football factories like Florida, not when the player in question was named to the SEC Coaches' All-Freshman Team last year and became the second true freshman in school history to start at cornerback on opening day. Hopefully, Janoris Jenkins learns a lesson from this incident and this goes down as the first and last time he’s on the wrong end of a Taser, but for some reason I doubt it will be……..
- The sad state of the American economy may not be enough to spur some citizens to abscond with bags of money that fall from a moving Brinks truck, but it is enough to spur companies and entities associated with popular summer destinations to offer Americans a bit of a break. Both concert promoter Live Nation and the federal government are getting in on the act by offering their own variations on fee-free activities. Live Nation announced this week that it will offer fee-free tickets to select Wednesday concerts throughout the summer, meaning that the ticket handling charges you normally have to pay to see your favorite band will go bye-bye on certain Wednesdays this summer, always a good thing. The best place to check on these shows is your local music venue, assuming you live near a venue large enough to hold a Live Nation-promoted concert. You can also skip the fees if you are visiting one of America’s 147 National Park Service sites that charge entry fees on the weekends of June 20 and 21, July 18 and 19, and August 15 and 16. Fees for these sites range from $3 to $25, but for these three weekends you’ll finally get a break from fees. Couple that with the new law passed by Congress allowing you to carry a concealed weapon into a national park and I don’t see a single solid reason not to make a beeline for your nearest national park site on one of the three weekends I just mentioned. No fees, freedom to bring your Glock or 9mm AND a chance to enjoy the beauty of nature? Win-win, amigos. Clearly the government hopes that the elimination of fees will boost attendance and provide a jolt to the economies of the areas in which the parks are located, which is fine I suppose. Secretary of the Interior Ken Salaza made the announcement about the fee-free weekends on Tuesday at a news conference at Cuyahoga Valley National Park in Ohio. “National parks also serve as powerful economic engines for local communities, and we hope that promoting visitation will give a small shot in the arm to businesses in the area,” Salazar said. If his theory is correct, the move could help the national parks system surpass the more than 275 million recreation visits it recorded in 2008. All sarcasm aside, I am a big fan of the national parks system and definitely encourage you to get out and experience one (or more) for yourself if you have the chance……..
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
A hollow offer by city officials in Cincinnati, nature invades another Yankees-Indians game and what we'll be chatting about with Cuba soon
- Wonder which plague will strike the next time the New York Yankees play in Cleveland. You might remember that back in October 2007, a swarm of midges (ugly, flying, moth-like creatures) invaded the game during Game 2 of the 2007 American League Division Series between the Yankees and Indians. The midges so badly rattled Yankees pitcher Joba Chamberlain that he began throwing pitches all over the place and ultimately his wildness allowed the Indians to score the runs they needed to rally and win the game. Over the weekend, the Yankees were once again in Cleveland and once again, nature intruded upon the proceedings. This time, a flock of seagulls (No, not that Flock of Seagulls with the quintessential bad ‘80s ‘dos and crappy pop music) landed on the field in the seventh inning. The seagulls had been around Progressive Field for much of Cleveland’s eight-game homestand, but they became a problem for the first time during Yankee Nick Swisher’s at-bat against Cleveland pitcher Carl Pavano. The seagulls flew in from behind home plate when Swisher fouled Pavano's 2-1 pitch into the net. Had the stadium sound guy been on top of his game, he would have had A Flock of Seagulls’ 1980s hit, "I Ran (So Far Away)" cued up and let rip with the song, but sadly that didn’t happen. Instead, a distracted Pavano had to step off the mound before his next pitch. Once the at-bat resumed, he retired Swisher via strikeout. “Seagulls were flying over my head," Pavano said. "It was just a quick thing, but it caught my eye. I think it caught everyone's eye, because everyone, I think, got surprised by it.” Swisher managed to stay much calmer than his teammate Chamberlain did when nature confronted him in C-Town. “You notice it, but once you get into the box, you don't pay much attention to it. They're all over the place. It is what it is, and it's no problem. You can't worry about stuff like that,” he explained. The Yankees have now moved on from Cleveland, but the Indians now must figure out what to do about the gulls, which appear to have taken up residence at the park (My suggestions: a) give them a glove and see if they can play the outfield or b) count them as fans at every game and help boost sagging attendance numbers. Either way, Jim Fowler’s animal kingdom appears to have been reincarnated in Cleveland……..
- For weeks now, talk has been increasing of just when and how talks between the United States and Cuba would shape up in regards to rebuilding the two nations’ strained relationship. After decades of hating Cuba during the Fidel Castro era, Americans weren’t (and still aren’t, to a large extent) sure how to feel about their president and political leaders reopening communication with the dictatorial regime of the Communist island to the south. Finally, those talks are about to get rolling and the first two topics on the agenda will be migration and mail service between the two countries. Two senior State Department officials confirmed that Cuba has agreed to resume talks with the United States over those issues. Mail might seem an especially benign and minor issue, but rest assured that when the U.S. and Cuba are sitting down to talk, there are no “gimme” topics. Currently, mail service between the United States and Cuba goes through third-party countries, as we have maintained a policy of not sending or receiving anything to or from Cuba, aside from regular helpings of disdain and despisal. Depending on how the first round of talks goes, future chats could be held regarding counter-narcotics, counter-terrorism, and disaster preparedness and response. Cuban officials who met with State Department officials Saturday are hopeful that those talks are possible, and I honestly hope so as well. No timetable has been set for the talks, but being on amicable terms with Cuba would be a good thing. We don’t have to be their best buddies or openly accept their policies and ideologies, but not hating them to the point of wanting to bomb the hell out of one another would be cool. “This is a big deal," one senior State Department official said. "We see this as a very positive development.” I would concur, even if there are still a lot of Americans who involuntarily vomit in their mouths at the mere idea of making nice with Cuba…….
- For once, I’m convinced that the best movie actually ended up at the top of the earnings race for the weekend. Disney/Pixar’s Up shot to the top of the box office in its opening weekend, bringing in $68.2 million in a showing that's good enough for No.3 on Pixar's all-time list, trailing only Finding Nemo (which opened with $70 mil) and The Incredibles. The film was beloved by reviewers, fans and even by me. As much as an animated movie can be an action-comedy, Up was that and more. It was funny, clever and interesting throughout. The story centers on an elderly man (voiced by Ed Asner) who uses a bevy of helium balloons to set his house aloft on a journey to South America but has his fun thwarted when a young boy stows away inside the flying house. Oh, and the talking dogs were great too…..Squirrel! (an inside joke for those who have seen the movie.) Thankfully, the haunting memory of Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian as the top-earning film lasted for all of one week. Ben Stiller’s latest bomb-tacular “comedy” fell to second place with $25.5 mil. Coming in third was a movie I didn’t see, won’t see and am glad I will never see: Sam Raimi's Drag Me to Hell, which opened at No. 3 with $16.6 mil. Creepy, hell-themed horror flicks just aren’t my thing, period. Rounding out the top five were Terminator Salvation ($16.1 mil) and Star Trek ($12.8 mil), which has now earned $209.5 mil-to-date and became the first 2009 release to pass the $200 million mark. Once again, all hail the mighty spending power of no-life-having, never-kissed-a-girl, pasty dorks who break their piggy banks and force their moms to drive them to the theater despite being in their late 30s…………
- The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that Facebook might just be fundamentally evil. After all, it did spark a fight between Atlanta Falcons offensive lineman Quinn Ojinnaka and his wife that included her attempting to stab him with a pen, him throwing her down the stairs and the cops leading him away in the silver bracelets. Now comes word that Facebook is at the heart of a North Carolina judge being yanked from a child custody case and publicly reprimanded by the state’s Judicial Standards Commission for communicating with a lawyer of a trial he was presiding over. Judge B. Carlton Terry Jr. received a public reprimand for chatting it up on Facebook with defense lawyer Charles A. Schieck. After meeting with the two lawyers in the September 2008 case, Terry and Schieck began talking about Facebook and they soon become Facebook friends. The meeting itself was to review evidence of an affair by one of the parties in the case. That night, Terry checked Schieck's Facebook page, where the lawyer had posted "how do I prove a negative.” At that point, Terry should have realized that he was holding a child’s fate in his hands and that making contact with Schieck would blatantly compromise his judicial integrity. He should have realized that, but of course he didn’t. Terry replied on Schieck's Facebook page that he had "two good parents to choose from" and "terry feels that he will be back in court," which according to the reprimand meant that the case was not being settled. Clearly eager to compound one error with another, Schieck replied, "I have a wise Judge." The two went on to exchange several other Facebook wall posts and Terry also used Google to access a Web site of the plaintiff's photography business. On September 12, the case reconvened and Terry actually recited a poem that he found on the plaintiff's Web site. Terry told the commission that he quoted the poem because it gave "hope for the kids and the plaintiff was not as bitter as he first thought.” However, he failed to disclose to either counsel that he had conducted independent research on the plaintiff or visit their Web site. When the details of the case began to come out, the plaintiff's lawyer Jessie Conley filed a motion asking for Terry's order to be vacated, a new trial to be held and the judge's disqualification from the case. Why? Is it a problem if the judge hearing your child custody case is yukking it up on Facebook with counsel for the other party, citing poems from that party’s Web site and not disclosing any of this to you? I guess it was a problem for Conley and it definitely was a problem for the commission, which concluded that Terry's actions showed "evidence of disregard of the principles of conduct embodied in the North Carolina Code of Judicial Conduct, including failure to personally observe appropriate standards of conduct to ensure that the integrity and independence of the judiciary shall be preserved.” Terry accepted the reprimand and claims to regret his actions, which is good. However, I have to wonder whether someone so clueless, stupid and inept can avoid making similar mistakes in the future, even if he tries his best to avoid them. Just goes to show for all the kids and aspiring legal minds out there that being a moron does not preclude you from someday becoming a judge…….
- Put this one under the category of seemingly nice, noble gestures that are actually incredibly hollow. City officials in Cincinnati have announced free parking for electric cars and claim that the gesture demonstrates the city's commitment to the environment. Of course, industry estimates place the amount of cars and trucks in the United States that are all-electric at less than 1 percent. In other words, the city is going to hand out about four or five free parking permits and yet officials can point to the gesture and fool many IQ-deprived tools who don’t take time to consider just how few electric cars are out on the roads. Never mind that anyone who can afford an expensive, all-electric car can easily afford parking, dammit. The city was looking to make an empty, self-serving gesture to gain headlines and to that end, this will be a ginormous success. Again, this program applies only to vehicles that run exclusively on electricity, so hybrids don't count. The two people in Cincinnati who own all-electric cars must get a special city decal and they can then park for free at on-street meters or in four downtown lots or garages. Quite a gesture, Cincinnati. City officials actually claim that the number of all-electric vehicles in the city is eight, but even they aren’t trying to inflate the number beyond that. Of course, that didn’t stop councilman David Crowley from saying that the free parking offer shows Cincinnati is a leader when it comes to being a "green" city. I wouldn’t go that far, Dave. However, if you want to offer an elimination of property taxes for any home or business owner whose building is made entirely of recycled materials - including appliances, flooring, furniture, bathroom fixtures and electronics - I might reconsider. Hopefully the good people of Cincinnati are smart enough to see through this sham of an offer and realize what a bunch of ridiculous, pompous and disingenuous a-holes their city leaders are…..
- For weeks now, talk has been increasing of just when and how talks between the United States and Cuba would shape up in regards to rebuilding the two nations’ strained relationship. After decades of hating Cuba during the Fidel Castro era, Americans weren’t (and still aren’t, to a large extent) sure how to feel about their president and political leaders reopening communication with the dictatorial regime of the Communist island to the south. Finally, those talks are about to get rolling and the first two topics on the agenda will be migration and mail service between the two countries. Two senior State Department officials confirmed that Cuba has agreed to resume talks with the United States over those issues. Mail might seem an especially benign and minor issue, but rest assured that when the U.S. and Cuba are sitting down to talk, there are no “gimme” topics. Currently, mail service between the United States and Cuba goes through third-party countries, as we have maintained a policy of not sending or receiving anything to or from Cuba, aside from regular helpings of disdain and despisal. Depending on how the first round of talks goes, future chats could be held regarding counter-narcotics, counter-terrorism, and disaster preparedness and response. Cuban officials who met with State Department officials Saturday are hopeful that those talks are possible, and I honestly hope so as well. No timetable has been set for the talks, but being on amicable terms with Cuba would be a good thing. We don’t have to be their best buddies or openly accept their policies and ideologies, but not hating them to the point of wanting to bomb the hell out of one another would be cool. “This is a big deal," one senior State Department official said. "We see this as a very positive development.” I would concur, even if there are still a lot of Americans who involuntarily vomit in their mouths at the mere idea of making nice with Cuba…….
- For once, I’m convinced that the best movie actually ended up at the top of the earnings race for the weekend. Disney/Pixar’s Up shot to the top of the box office in its opening weekend, bringing in $68.2 million in a showing that's good enough for No.3 on Pixar's all-time list, trailing only Finding Nemo (which opened with $70 mil) and The Incredibles. The film was beloved by reviewers, fans and even by me. As much as an animated movie can be an action-comedy, Up was that and more. It was funny, clever and interesting throughout. The story centers on an elderly man (voiced by Ed Asner) who uses a bevy of helium balloons to set his house aloft on a journey to South America but has his fun thwarted when a young boy stows away inside the flying house. Oh, and the talking dogs were great too…..Squirrel! (an inside joke for those who have seen the movie.) Thankfully, the haunting memory of Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian as the top-earning film lasted for all of one week. Ben Stiller’s latest bomb-tacular “comedy” fell to second place with $25.5 mil. Coming in third was a movie I didn’t see, won’t see and am glad I will never see: Sam Raimi's Drag Me to Hell, which opened at No. 3 with $16.6 mil. Creepy, hell-themed horror flicks just aren’t my thing, period. Rounding out the top five were Terminator Salvation ($16.1 mil) and Star Trek ($12.8 mil), which has now earned $209.5 mil-to-date and became the first 2009 release to pass the $200 million mark. Once again, all hail the mighty spending power of no-life-having, never-kissed-a-girl, pasty dorks who break their piggy banks and force their moms to drive them to the theater despite being in their late 30s…………
- The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that Facebook might just be fundamentally evil. After all, it did spark a fight between Atlanta Falcons offensive lineman Quinn Ojinnaka and his wife that included her attempting to stab him with a pen, him throwing her down the stairs and the cops leading him away in the silver bracelets. Now comes word that Facebook is at the heart of a North Carolina judge being yanked from a child custody case and publicly reprimanded by the state’s Judicial Standards Commission for communicating with a lawyer of a trial he was presiding over. Judge B. Carlton Terry Jr. received a public reprimand for chatting it up on Facebook with defense lawyer Charles A. Schieck. After meeting with the two lawyers in the September 2008 case, Terry and Schieck began talking about Facebook and they soon become Facebook friends. The meeting itself was to review evidence of an affair by one of the parties in the case. That night, Terry checked Schieck's Facebook page, where the lawyer had posted "how do I prove a negative.” At that point, Terry should have realized that he was holding a child’s fate in his hands and that making contact with Schieck would blatantly compromise his judicial integrity. He should have realized that, but of course he didn’t. Terry replied on Schieck's Facebook page that he had "two good parents to choose from" and "terry feels that he will be back in court," which according to the reprimand meant that the case was not being settled. Clearly eager to compound one error with another, Schieck replied, "I have a wise Judge." The two went on to exchange several other Facebook wall posts and Terry also used Google to access a Web site of the plaintiff's photography business. On September 12, the case reconvened and Terry actually recited a poem that he found on the plaintiff's Web site. Terry told the commission that he quoted the poem because it gave "hope for the kids and the plaintiff was not as bitter as he first thought.” However, he failed to disclose to either counsel that he had conducted independent research on the plaintiff or visit their Web site. When the details of the case began to come out, the plaintiff's lawyer Jessie Conley filed a motion asking for Terry's order to be vacated, a new trial to be held and the judge's disqualification from the case. Why? Is it a problem if the judge hearing your child custody case is yukking it up on Facebook with counsel for the other party, citing poems from that party’s Web site and not disclosing any of this to you? I guess it was a problem for Conley and it definitely was a problem for the commission, which concluded that Terry's actions showed "evidence of disregard of the principles of conduct embodied in the North Carolina Code of Judicial Conduct, including failure to personally observe appropriate standards of conduct to ensure that the integrity and independence of the judiciary shall be preserved.” Terry accepted the reprimand and claims to regret his actions, which is good. However, I have to wonder whether someone so clueless, stupid and inept can avoid making similar mistakes in the future, even if he tries his best to avoid them. Just goes to show for all the kids and aspiring legal minds out there that being a moron does not preclude you from someday becoming a judge…….
- Put this one under the category of seemingly nice, noble gestures that are actually incredibly hollow. City officials in Cincinnati have announced free parking for electric cars and claim that the gesture demonstrates the city's commitment to the environment. Of course, industry estimates place the amount of cars and trucks in the United States that are all-electric at less than 1 percent. In other words, the city is going to hand out about four or five free parking permits and yet officials can point to the gesture and fool many IQ-deprived tools who don’t take time to consider just how few electric cars are out on the roads. Never mind that anyone who can afford an expensive, all-electric car can easily afford parking, dammit. The city was looking to make an empty, self-serving gesture to gain headlines and to that end, this will be a ginormous success. Again, this program applies only to vehicles that run exclusively on electricity, so hybrids don't count. The two people in Cincinnati who own all-electric cars must get a special city decal and they can then park for free at on-street meters or in four downtown lots or garages. Quite a gesture, Cincinnati. City officials actually claim that the number of all-electric vehicles in the city is eight, but even they aren’t trying to inflate the number beyond that. Of course, that didn’t stop councilman David Crowley from saying that the free parking offer shows Cincinnati is a leader when it comes to being a "green" city. I wouldn’t go that far, Dave. However, if you want to offer an elimination of property taxes for any home or business owner whose building is made entirely of recycled materials - including appliances, flooring, furniture, bathroom fixtures and electronics - I might reconsider. Hopefully the good people of Cincinnati are smart enough to see through this sham of an offer and realize what a bunch of ridiculous, pompous and disingenuous a-holes their city leaders are…..
Monday, June 01, 2009
Is socialism encroaching, a Greek recap and an all-around fun time in Israel this week
- The idea of giving people gifts for turning in their guns is nothing new. Communities around the country have been offering citizens a chance to exchange firearms for toys and other items for years. However, the idea of a governor who made a living blasting people to oblivion with guns on the big screen turning around and making that same offer is something slightly different. Yes, the Gover-nator is getting into the guns-for-rewards game. In Salinas, Calif., Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger announced a new program that provides gift cards for guns. The Gifts for Guns program allows people to turn in their gun while receiving a gift card -- no questions asked. It doesn’t matter if you stole the gun from a family member or neighbor, picked it up from a crime scene that the police haven’t arrived at yet, used it to rob a bank…..just turn it in and you’ll be rewarded. The Salinas Police Department will start accepting guns June 6, giving citizens who bring in a rifle will receive a $50 gift card, those who bring in a handgun will a $100 gift card and anyone who decides that they can live without their trusty assault rifle will receive a $200 gift card. “There’s no higher priority for government than ensuring public safety, and by providing Salinas with the resources they need, we are fighting gang violence with suppression and prevention efforts that will make communities throughout California safer,” Schwarzenegger said. The gift cards, which are paid for by the Salinas business community, do come with a bit of a catch. You have to use them at the Northridge Shopping Center, which I’m sure is a fine business establishment with many, many shopping choices. The money for the program itself comes from a $9.2 million state grant that went to four separate cities, including Salinas. Gift cards or not, the program is clearly needed in Salinas, which has already witnessed 14 gang-related homicides in 2009. I seriously doubt that this program is going to convince any gang members to turn in their guns, but I suppose it’s worth a try……..
- Memo to Atlanta Falcons offensive lineman Quinn Ojinnaka: Your wife is not a pass-rushing defensive end looking to sack your quarterback for a 10-yard loss. You can’t throw her around and beat the crap out of her like you can some blitzing safety coming off the corner on a zone blitz - even if she finds an objectionable female friend on your Facebook page and confronts you about it. I probably should have mentioned that to my man Q. Ojinnaka before he allegedly tossed his wife down some stairs and threw her out of their house in Suwanee, Ga. late Tuesday, but in my defense, I really felt that sort of lesson went without saying. It all started when Ojinnaka’s wife somehow found her way into his Facebook account (always sign out if you’re going to be away from your computer, a good lesson for all) and saw a female friend that she had some problem with. I don’t know if she knew the woman, if it was on of Quinn Ojinnaka’s ex-girlfriends or maybe some skanky chick who was always flirting with him, but whatever the case, Mrs. Ojinnaka wasn’t happy. She went to her husband, called him out on the issue and needless to say, he didn’t react well. Because of that poor reaction, Quinn Ojinnaka got to leave his home sporting the silver bracelets and in the back of a squad car. He is currently free on bond and has been charged with simple battery. Perhaps if Ojinnaka showed this sort of intensity and passion on the field, he wouldn’t be a career backup who has started only seven of 30 career games. Then again, dealing with some 255-pound defensive end in pads is quite different than dealing with your wife, who I’m guessing weighs significantly less than 255 pounds and doesn’t have the benefit of wearing pads when you chuck her down the stairs. Clean your act up, Quinn. Domestic abuse is never, ever cool and especially not over something as trivial and frivolous as your Facebook account……
- Oooh, ooh! War drill time! War drill time! Man, I wish I were an Israeli right now, because I have to imagine that there is nothing more fun than being a part of history as your nation kicks off the biggest emergency drill in the its history Sunday to prepare civilians, soldiers and rescue crews for the possibility of war. Not only that, this will be a five-day drill, nicknamed Turning Point 3. It comes amid the nation's rising tensions with Iran and nearly every public building in Israel - including schools, military bases and government offices - will be a part of the drill. Students, soldiers and other civilians will practice how to gather at protected places during an emergency, which will be made more real by simulated rockets, air raids and other attacks on infrastructure and essential facilities, and use of weapons on civilians. Basically, at the sound of the emergency sirens, everyone is to go to a protected place, with further instructions broadcast on a public channel. “It is of great importance that every civilian, institute and workplace will seriously practice in order to improve our preparedness and national resilience,” Maj. Gen. Yair Golan of the Home Front Command said in a statement. You don’t need to talk me into anything, Yair. You say emergency war drill, you know I’m in. It’s too bad that I’m not in Jerusalem right now or I would so be there. It’s a good move a) because a war drill will be a lot of fun and b) there’s no guarantee that President Barack Obama’s plan to establish peace with Palestine and Israel by creating two separate states will work. Couple that with Iran’s continuing push to develop nuclear weapons and its always-contentious relationship with Israel and you have a definite recipe for disaster. An Israeli poll released this month found that 74 percent believe that the U.S. policy of engagement with Iran will fail and 81 percent think Iran will develop a nuclear weapon capability. With that sort of mindset prevailing amongst the populace, lifting their spirits with the fun diversion of an emergency drill is a GREAT idea……..
- The loneliness of one Cartwright affects all Cartwrights, as evidenced by tonight’s episode of Greek. Having her boyfriend Max away for a month as part of a research project at Oxford finally got to Casey as she watched all of her ZBZ sisters head out to their Friday night plans. So despondent was Casey after a text from Max saying that he was too busy slaving away in the lab to call her that she actually took up an offer from ditzy ZBZ sister Betsy to tag along on Betsy’s date. That date took her to a fancy restaurant where Casey inadvertently crossed paths with her brother Rusty and his new girlfriend Jordan, out for their first big date. Rusty picked the restaurant to impress Jordan, but an overcrowded dining room results in them being seated right next to Casey, Betsy and Betsy’s boyfriend. Of course, a huge argument breaks out between Betsy and her guy over his drinking problem and they storm out of the restaurant before even ordering, leaving Casey without a ride home. Because Rusty had borrowed Casey’s car for the date, he and Jordan had to invite her in on their date and give her a ride home. After being a squeaky third wheel and ruining everything up through the goodnight kiss, Casey asks Rusty if he wants to hang out and he wants no part of that. In seeking to make up for a ruined first date, Rusty asks Jordan out again the next night to see some bands performing at the student union. However, Jordan has to pass because in seeking to alleviate her loneliness, Casey has scheduled a pledge lock-in for all of the ZBZ pledges. Jordan and her fellow pledges are subjected to a night of Pictionary, Hungry Hungry Hippos and cupcakes even after Rusty tells Casey he’s ruining yet another date for him and asks her to reschedule. Undeterred, Rusty knocks on a window when the pledges are taking a cupcake break and convinces Jordan to sneak out and go to the concert with him. Their escape from pledge lock-in night lasts only a few minutes, as Jordan quickly realizes that Rusty is more focused on getting even with Casey and using her to do so than he is on having a fun date. Rusty admits as much and returns Jordan to pledge lock-in, where he is chastised by Casey and they argue again. Arguments are also on the agenda for Cappie and Evan, who are settling into their new roles as members of Cyprus Rhodes’ requisite campus secret society, the Amphora Society. For the final test for their new recruits, the Amphoras (led by Dean Bowman, the dean of students) have each pledge get up in front of the whole group for an “emotional purge” in which they share all of their deepest, darkest life secrets. With a whole day to think about hwat they want to say to the group, Cappie and Evan both wonder if they can trust one another, seeing as they have been mortal enemies ever since their freshman year. Their doubts are heightened when they revert back to their freshman year ways by fighting over a girl, just as they did with Casey. This time around, the girl is Alice, another new Amphora inductee. Both like her and although Cappie seems to hit it off with her, Evan promises that he’s ready to fight over her. That changes once the guys hear Alice’s emotional purge, which basically consists of her telling horror stories about how she’s accidentally killed every single pet she’s had since she was a kid. Hearing one tale after another of dead hamsters, mice and cats kills Evan and Cappie’s buzz and once the ceremony ends and she wants to chat, Evan begs off to allegedly go call his parents. Rather than take a long walk by the lake to talk with Alice, Cappie uses the excuse of needing to talk to Dean Bowman about a question he has about the society. Cappie does actually want to ask Bowman a question, namely what he, the campus’ most notorious slacker, is doing amongst the high achievers and future leaders of America in the Amphora Society. Dean Bowman responds with a cryptic, mysterious proverb about how we learn the most about ourselves when we see reflections of ourselves in those we’d least expect to see them in. Cappie doesn’t understand at all, but at least he’s gotten out of having to talk to Alice. On his way home, he happens across Rusty, who is walking around mumbling in anger after leaving his argument at the ZBZ house with his sister. Cappie advises his KT little bro to be easier on his sister because she, unlike him, has never had to deal with being alone and not having friends to hang out with. Rusty takes the advice to heart and goes to the ZBZ house the next day to apologize to Casey and offer her something to help her get through her alone time, something that has helped him often in the past: a box DVD set of Joan of Arcadia. Casey and Rusty both apologize for how they’ve been acting and manage to arrive at an understanding. Jordan and Rusty also manage to overcome their two ruined dates and are still into each other, so that’s a good sign. Rusty’s pal Calvin is also in need of a good sign, as his roommate problems at the Omega Chi house continue. With a roomie who has a nonstop parade of trampy Tri-Pi sisters sleeping over night after night, Calvin has resorted to sleeping on the couch at Rusty and Dale’s apartment just to get some rest. Evan finally comes to the rescue by reshuffling some of the room assignments at the Omega Chi house. He moves Calvin into a room with Grant, which is ironic because the day before, Grant admitted to Calvin that like Calvin, he too is gay. With his pal and ZBZ prez Ashleigh urging him to hook up with Grant as the only two gay guys in the house, Calvin tries to explain that being the only two gay guys doesn’t mean he and Grant have to hook up. Yet once they move into the same room, there is obviously tension between the two and at some point it’s sure to boil over. AWOL in this episode were Dale, Rebecca Logan and all of the KT brothers outside of Rusty and Cappie. Also, I do hate the clichéd episodes of characters going on a date that you just know is going to go bad and having a third character somehow show up to ruin the date, that’s always blah. Not my favorite episode of the season, but still fun and at times pretty funny (thanks to Cappie usually). Only one episode left before the season finale, but there will be another season coming up in a few months, so tune in for the fun ride so you don’t miss out……..
- Up ‘til now, I haven’t been that concerned with all of the conservative Republican honks who were crying socialism any time they talked about the Obama administration and its policies in regards to the U.S. economy. I’m still not nearly as concerned as those right-wing hacks, but hearing that General Motors is filing for bankruptcy and that the U.S. government will put up some $30 billion to buy a 60 percent stake in GM did strike me as a tad socialist. The auto industry is a huge part of this country’s economy and having it controlled by the government is more than a little disconcerting. After all, General Motors is the nation's largest automaker and has been a stalwart on the American economic landscape for decades. In case you missed it, President Obama addressed the nation shortly before noon today to explain the rationale for the filing and his hopes that this is the best route for a turnaround. "Today will rank as another historic day for the company -- the end of an old General Motors and the beginning of a new one," the administration stated in documents released Sunday. As part of the bankruptcy process, GM will be streamlining its operations and casting off some 2,000 dealerships, as well as dumping less-profitable brands like Saturn, Pontiac and Hummer. What’s even more jarring about the government takeover is that it’s actually being led by a coalition of the U.S. and Canadian governments and the company's employees and creditors. The $30 billion infusion comes on the heels of the $19.4 billion the Obama administration has already given GM to cover its losses and fund its operations. But don’t think this is a bad buy for the government, because not only does it get a faltering automobile manufacturer, it also gets $8.8 billion in debt and preferred stock as part of the deal. Not receiving such a stellar deal will be bondholders who lent GM $27 billion. They will forgo much of what they are owed and instead get a 10 percent share of the new company plus the right to secure another 15 percent. However, all of that pales in comparison to the realization that this is by far the most socialist-esque move yet for this administration and it’s enough to make even the most pro-Obama Americans wonder just what kind of road we’re headed down………
- Memo to Atlanta Falcons offensive lineman Quinn Ojinnaka: Your wife is not a pass-rushing defensive end looking to sack your quarterback for a 10-yard loss. You can’t throw her around and beat the crap out of her like you can some blitzing safety coming off the corner on a zone blitz - even if she finds an objectionable female friend on your Facebook page and confronts you about it. I probably should have mentioned that to my man Q. Ojinnaka before he allegedly tossed his wife down some stairs and threw her out of their house in Suwanee, Ga. late Tuesday, but in my defense, I really felt that sort of lesson went without saying. It all started when Ojinnaka’s wife somehow found her way into his Facebook account (always sign out if you’re going to be away from your computer, a good lesson for all) and saw a female friend that she had some problem with. I don’t know if she knew the woman, if it was on of Quinn Ojinnaka’s ex-girlfriends or maybe some skanky chick who was always flirting with him, but whatever the case, Mrs. Ojinnaka wasn’t happy. She went to her husband, called him out on the issue and needless to say, he didn’t react well. Because of that poor reaction, Quinn Ojinnaka got to leave his home sporting the silver bracelets and in the back of a squad car. He is currently free on bond and has been charged with simple battery. Perhaps if Ojinnaka showed this sort of intensity and passion on the field, he wouldn’t be a career backup who has started only seven of 30 career games. Then again, dealing with some 255-pound defensive end in pads is quite different than dealing with your wife, who I’m guessing weighs significantly less than 255 pounds and doesn’t have the benefit of wearing pads when you chuck her down the stairs. Clean your act up, Quinn. Domestic abuse is never, ever cool and especially not over something as trivial and frivolous as your Facebook account……
- Oooh, ooh! War drill time! War drill time! Man, I wish I were an Israeli right now, because I have to imagine that there is nothing more fun than being a part of history as your nation kicks off the biggest emergency drill in the its history Sunday to prepare civilians, soldiers and rescue crews for the possibility of war. Not only that, this will be a five-day drill, nicknamed Turning Point 3. It comes amid the nation's rising tensions with Iran and nearly every public building in Israel - including schools, military bases and government offices - will be a part of the drill. Students, soldiers and other civilians will practice how to gather at protected places during an emergency, which will be made more real by simulated rockets, air raids and other attacks on infrastructure and essential facilities, and use of weapons on civilians. Basically, at the sound of the emergency sirens, everyone is to go to a protected place, with further instructions broadcast on a public channel. “It is of great importance that every civilian, institute and workplace will seriously practice in order to improve our preparedness and national resilience,” Maj. Gen. Yair Golan of the Home Front Command said in a statement. You don’t need to talk me into anything, Yair. You say emergency war drill, you know I’m in. It’s too bad that I’m not in Jerusalem right now or I would so be there. It’s a good move a) because a war drill will be a lot of fun and b) there’s no guarantee that President Barack Obama’s plan to establish peace with Palestine and Israel by creating two separate states will work. Couple that with Iran’s continuing push to develop nuclear weapons and its always-contentious relationship with Israel and you have a definite recipe for disaster. An Israeli poll released this month found that 74 percent believe that the U.S. policy of engagement with Iran will fail and 81 percent think Iran will develop a nuclear weapon capability. With that sort of mindset prevailing amongst the populace, lifting their spirits with the fun diversion of an emergency drill is a GREAT idea……..
- The loneliness of one Cartwright affects all Cartwrights, as evidenced by tonight’s episode of Greek. Having her boyfriend Max away for a month as part of a research project at Oxford finally got to Casey as she watched all of her ZBZ sisters head out to their Friday night plans. So despondent was Casey after a text from Max saying that he was too busy slaving away in the lab to call her that she actually took up an offer from ditzy ZBZ sister Betsy to tag along on Betsy’s date. That date took her to a fancy restaurant where Casey inadvertently crossed paths with her brother Rusty and his new girlfriend Jordan, out for their first big date. Rusty picked the restaurant to impress Jordan, but an overcrowded dining room results in them being seated right next to Casey, Betsy and Betsy’s boyfriend. Of course, a huge argument breaks out between Betsy and her guy over his drinking problem and they storm out of the restaurant before even ordering, leaving Casey without a ride home. Because Rusty had borrowed Casey’s car for the date, he and Jordan had to invite her in on their date and give her a ride home. After being a squeaky third wheel and ruining everything up through the goodnight kiss, Casey asks Rusty if he wants to hang out and he wants no part of that. In seeking to make up for a ruined first date, Rusty asks Jordan out again the next night to see some bands performing at the student union. However, Jordan has to pass because in seeking to alleviate her loneliness, Casey has scheduled a pledge lock-in for all of the ZBZ pledges. Jordan and her fellow pledges are subjected to a night of Pictionary, Hungry Hungry Hippos and cupcakes even after Rusty tells Casey he’s ruining yet another date for him and asks her to reschedule. Undeterred, Rusty knocks on a window when the pledges are taking a cupcake break and convinces Jordan to sneak out and go to the concert with him. Their escape from pledge lock-in night lasts only a few minutes, as Jordan quickly realizes that Rusty is more focused on getting even with Casey and using her to do so than he is on having a fun date. Rusty admits as much and returns Jordan to pledge lock-in, where he is chastised by Casey and they argue again. Arguments are also on the agenda for Cappie and Evan, who are settling into their new roles as members of Cyprus Rhodes’ requisite campus secret society, the Amphora Society. For the final test for their new recruits, the Amphoras (led by Dean Bowman, the dean of students) have each pledge get up in front of the whole group for an “emotional purge” in which they share all of their deepest, darkest life secrets. With a whole day to think about hwat they want to say to the group, Cappie and Evan both wonder if they can trust one another, seeing as they have been mortal enemies ever since their freshman year. Their doubts are heightened when they revert back to their freshman year ways by fighting over a girl, just as they did with Casey. This time around, the girl is Alice, another new Amphora inductee. Both like her and although Cappie seems to hit it off with her, Evan promises that he’s ready to fight over her. That changes once the guys hear Alice’s emotional purge, which basically consists of her telling horror stories about how she’s accidentally killed every single pet she’s had since she was a kid. Hearing one tale after another of dead hamsters, mice and cats kills Evan and Cappie’s buzz and once the ceremony ends and she wants to chat, Evan begs off to allegedly go call his parents. Rather than take a long walk by the lake to talk with Alice, Cappie uses the excuse of needing to talk to Dean Bowman about a question he has about the society. Cappie does actually want to ask Bowman a question, namely what he, the campus’ most notorious slacker, is doing amongst the high achievers and future leaders of America in the Amphora Society. Dean Bowman responds with a cryptic, mysterious proverb about how we learn the most about ourselves when we see reflections of ourselves in those we’d least expect to see them in. Cappie doesn’t understand at all, but at least he’s gotten out of having to talk to Alice. On his way home, he happens across Rusty, who is walking around mumbling in anger after leaving his argument at the ZBZ house with his sister. Cappie advises his KT little bro to be easier on his sister because she, unlike him, has never had to deal with being alone and not having friends to hang out with. Rusty takes the advice to heart and goes to the ZBZ house the next day to apologize to Casey and offer her something to help her get through her alone time, something that has helped him often in the past: a box DVD set of Joan of Arcadia. Casey and Rusty both apologize for how they’ve been acting and manage to arrive at an understanding. Jordan and Rusty also manage to overcome their two ruined dates and are still into each other, so that’s a good sign. Rusty’s pal Calvin is also in need of a good sign, as his roommate problems at the Omega Chi house continue. With a roomie who has a nonstop parade of trampy Tri-Pi sisters sleeping over night after night, Calvin has resorted to sleeping on the couch at Rusty and Dale’s apartment just to get some rest. Evan finally comes to the rescue by reshuffling some of the room assignments at the Omega Chi house. He moves Calvin into a room with Grant, which is ironic because the day before, Grant admitted to Calvin that like Calvin, he too is gay. With his pal and ZBZ prez Ashleigh urging him to hook up with Grant as the only two gay guys in the house, Calvin tries to explain that being the only two gay guys doesn’t mean he and Grant have to hook up. Yet once they move into the same room, there is obviously tension between the two and at some point it’s sure to boil over. AWOL in this episode were Dale, Rebecca Logan and all of the KT brothers outside of Rusty and Cappie. Also, I do hate the clichéd episodes of characters going on a date that you just know is going to go bad and having a third character somehow show up to ruin the date, that’s always blah. Not my favorite episode of the season, but still fun and at times pretty funny (thanks to Cappie usually). Only one episode left before the season finale, but there will be another season coming up in a few months, so tune in for the fun ride so you don’t miss out……..
- Up ‘til now, I haven’t been that concerned with all of the conservative Republican honks who were crying socialism any time they talked about the Obama administration and its policies in regards to the U.S. economy. I’m still not nearly as concerned as those right-wing hacks, but hearing that General Motors is filing for bankruptcy and that the U.S. government will put up some $30 billion to buy a 60 percent stake in GM did strike me as a tad socialist. The auto industry is a huge part of this country’s economy and having it controlled by the government is more than a little disconcerting. After all, General Motors is the nation's largest automaker and has been a stalwart on the American economic landscape for decades. In case you missed it, President Obama addressed the nation shortly before noon today to explain the rationale for the filing and his hopes that this is the best route for a turnaround. "Today will rank as another historic day for the company -- the end of an old General Motors and the beginning of a new one," the administration stated in documents released Sunday. As part of the bankruptcy process, GM will be streamlining its operations and casting off some 2,000 dealerships, as well as dumping less-profitable brands like Saturn, Pontiac and Hummer. What’s even more jarring about the government takeover is that it’s actually being led by a coalition of the U.S. and Canadian governments and the company's employees and creditors. The $30 billion infusion comes on the heels of the $19.4 billion the Obama administration has already given GM to cover its losses and fund its operations. But don’t think this is a bad buy for the government, because not only does it get a faltering automobile manufacturer, it also gets $8.8 billion in debt and preferred stock as part of the deal. Not receiving such a stellar deal will be bondholders who lent GM $27 billion. They will forgo much of what they are owed and instead get a 10 percent share of the new company plus the right to secure another 15 percent. However, all of that pales in comparison to the realization that this is by far the most socialist-esque move yet for this administration and it’s enough to make even the most pro-Obama Americans wonder just what kind of road we’re headed down………
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